Thursday, October 20, 2011

For the S.No.B. (So Not Bougie) Files - No. Sir.


We've had a few posts now where people have shared some horrific tales of man fail. Not the least of which were the comments from yesterday's #WTHwasIthinkin post. In the spirit of reach one, teach one - let's talk about a few things that will quickly land a man squarely in the S.No.B. (So Not Bougie) files. (Don't worry fellas, we'll do a no ma'am episode as well)

1. Animal Print Drawers - DRED = Don't Rock 'Em, Dudes. Unless you all are playing some sort of jungle cocoa game where dude is Tarzan...never mind. Just don't do it.

2. Unsolicited Outbursts of Poetry and/or Rap - I don't know who decided it was hot in the dating streetz for a fella to get his Def Poetry Slam on at Red Lobster between the salad and dinner course but I  must implore fellas to cease and desist. There's a place to spit rhymes and hot fire, 9 times of 10 the dinner table is not that place.

3. "You got this, right?" - Date finances should always (always) be discussed prior to the check arriving at the table. Assumptions that your date will "cover" you may lead to misunderstandings, mild violence and misdemeanors. 

4. Suits in fruit colors - Apple, cranberry, lime, lemon, cantaloupe. Stop the madness. Not only is it S.No.B. it's S.No.Sexy to impersonate a Jolly Rancher. Unless you're dressing up as Steve Harvey for Halloween... don't do it.

5. Funk - I don't mean sweat from the gym. There's a grace period for that. I mean pungent funk emanating from your mouth, armpits, feet, wherever. That's unacceptable.  As is indiscriminate cologne usage. Fellas, please ask your most trusted crew if you smell like deep fried musky plant extract before splashing at will.

I say these things with love, fellas. 
BougieLand, care to add to the S.No.B. No Sir Files? Sharing is caring. The floor is yours.

180 comments:

taut_7 said...

smh at any grown man who would have to be told anything on this list. i guess some fellas out there have to. 

michaeldavis said...

K & G suit warehouse is mad at you about #4

Veronica Miller said...

Suits in fruit colors?! *goes on to see the Lord.*

Judging by this list, I've lived a fortunate 28 years. I have not run into any of these shenanigans. *crosses fingers* I did, however, have a guy who was offended by my use of multi-syllabic words.

And when I say "multi-syllabic words," I mean the word "skeptical." O_o

Oh! Wait! I have one! It's also S.No.B. when you brag about how much you WON'T do for women when you're supposedly trying to impress me. Sir? That way. ---->

maureen said...

This picture is killing me. Lawd have mercy.

Brneyed1 said...

This was funny...and kinda sad. 

And why did I instantly hear "Jungle Love" playing in my head after reading #1?

Brneyed1 said...

I know, right?  OneChele always manages to find the most PERFECT pictures to illustrate her point.

rozb said...

1. Two words: dental hygiene. iCan't with an adult male whose teeth resemble abandoned tombstones and breath that you can see on a clear day. I know it seems common, and any working adult should have no problem taking care of their teeth. But since the good ol' days of Too $hort and his yuck-mouthed minions, it is proven that money cannot buy good sense. It can buy rehabbed teeth and gums, and can help get rid of the cause of that breath cloud that lingers long after the offender has left.

2. Any body part that is pierced other than that one ear lobe (and only once) is, IMO, S.No.B. Nothing worse than someone with a tongue ring talking and lisping because the tongue ring alters his speech and makes his conversations "extra juicy". Or wearing a tight Under Armor shirt so you can see his nip piercing. Ick and Ewwww...

3. S.No.B. to have feet that look like you could strike matches on them. Rough, dry, cracked feet, and weapon-like toenails are not a sign of masculinity - it is a sign of neglect. Pumice stones and lotion can be your friend.

4. No need to have ears that look like you grow potatoes out of them. 'Nuff said.

rozb said...

I am so glad my husband does not have a closet that looks like a bag of Skittles. He is a country boy and I love him, but if he was rocking sherbet-colored suits, they would have to mysteriously disappear, one by one...

sugahoneyicedtea said...

Thanks Chele for this funny-arsed birthday post..I laughed my tail off at the picture, after I got bug-eyed lol

Jasmin said...

As referenced yesterday, condoms that are obviously too big. It looks like your d*ck is molting.

Ms. Player said...

Long time reader, first time commenting. As a resident of the Motor City aka Detroit, Colorful suits are the norm - with matching hats and shoes. It's hard to take a brother seriously when he dressed in lime green from head to toe and thinks he's fine. You're trying to contain your laughter and he's taking the smirk on your face as sign you're interested. Boy Bye!!

Brneyed1 said...

"sherbet-colored" *giggles*

CaliGirlED said...

When I say that I have tears in my eyes, I AM NOT LYING!!! Roz I don't even feel too well this morning, yet you have me over here cracking up!

Random Rambler said...

#2 reminds me of that scene in Daddy's Little Girls where Julia (Gabrielle Union) goes out on that date with the 40 year old rapper who orders "skrimps".  "Ju-li-a, you know I never make a fool-of-ya..."  Too funny!

CaliGirlED said...

Chele this picture is, well, it's just....there are no words!

"Suits in fruit colors", and "deep fried musky plant extract"??? *slides out of chair*

rozb said...

As a friend of mine said, it should not look like his crotch is trying to blow up a balloon. YIKES!!!

rozb said...

Aww! Make yourself a hot toddy and some toast with preserves. Keeps the stomach feeling alright and the toddy will help you rest.

Earthangel172 said...

I'm loving this!

#1 - Fellas, boxer briefs are your friend.
 
I'm glad you mentioned #2 because that irritates me to no end.

As for #4 I have a personal story to share. I met this guy once. Very nice, good manners, church-going... the whole she-bang. Anyway, he would always brag about his "famous" church suits and how fly he was. I finally asked him to send him me a pic of one of his "famous" suits and here it is...

Earthangel172 said...

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Earthangel172 said...

Yes Lawd!

I blame myself for Baggy-Magnum Gate because the obvious red flag was when he told me that he likes to wear them because of the "fit and comfort". ::insert eye roll here::

rozb said...

You know what? I am forever scarred by this picture. But they start them young. When I was a member of another church they had an Easter fashion show. All the young boys had on the Steve Harvey suits with matching hats and Gators, and the parents were beaming, saying things like "Oooh-wee! He is sharper than a Ginsu blade!" and "My baby can outdress the best of 'em!" One of the mothers turned to me and said "I got my boy's hair freshly braided and splurged on some new earring studs for his ears. Don't he look handsome?" All I could say was "He sure is shiny!" Cause he was very shiny - all of him.

Earthangel172 said...

Dead @ the good ol' days of Too $hort and his yuck-mouthed minions...

Rozb is going to get me fired today! You're killing me....LOL

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Why is it that the ones who don't measure up are forever big upping their equipment, while those who do either don't mention it or are more humble?

News flash dudes: the moment you start bragging, most women assume that you aren't what you say you are.

GrownAzzMan said...

1) Stay out my underwear drawer...LOL
2) Blame Love Jones. Bruhs know y'all love that movie...IJS
3) WDDDA?
4) Agreed
5) Cosign to the highest level of cosignness.

Grace said...

Wait, I've dated this guy... once. He kicked off the conversation with "I don't spoil women and I don't run behind them." Uh, okay - can I get my menu open first?

Grace said...

Chele, you are SO wrong for this picture! My nominee for the S.No.B. files - Having a ballerific car but you still live with Big Momma and nem.

GrownAzzMan said...

This was in yesterdays post? WhatIMiss?

GrownAzzMan said...

Aw see, why you have to put the brotha on blast? LOL

Earthangel172 said...

Roz,

I have been circulating this pic for 6 years now. Brotherman thought he was fly! But er, you will not be seen with me in public if you are wearing some shiggity like this. iCan't and iWon't!!

"He sure is shiny!"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Earthangel172 said...

Chele said "reach one, teach one" so this is a teachable moment. At least I blocked out his face. LOL

GuessImJay said...

@DavidLChase - Come get yo' girl. She is wildin' today. Tarzan? Def Poetry Slam at Red Lobster? Misdemeanors? Cantaloupe? Indiscriminate cologne usage.... She's on a roll, people.

Bonita Applebum said...

"You know how many buttons I have on this suit, playa? FIFTY!!! I got 14 on one sleeve!!"

X____X

MsJamie14 said...

I don't have much to add today. I'm just mad the pic in the post was even available. Damn homie. LOL

thinklikeRiley said...

For da older cats - Dressing like you 20 don't fool nobody. Past a certain point, puhleze do not rock Roc-a-Puffy logos all up and about yo'self.  FUBU has been old and dead for years and Ed Hardy iz only okay for high schoolers... sorry.

What da homie Chris Rock say? Obama in da White House, get a suit ninja.

CaliGirlED said...

SMH!!!

CaliGirlED said...

I think I'm going to have to quit all of BougieLand today!!! My body cannot handle the laughter that is building up from looking at this catastrophe!!!

maureen said...

I know right?

SingLikeSassy said...

"Oooh-wee! He is sharper than a Ginsu blade!"<--LOLLLLLLLLLLL

Bonita Applebum said...

Don't come around me starting a sentence with "I read Tyrese's book and...".  We have nothing to discuss.

maureen said...

Please say it ain't so. LOL!

SingLikeSassy said...

Roz.........

CaliGirlED said...

Why am I still reading your comments!!! "He sure is shiny"??? I.CAN'T!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

That breath thing is a killer. I had a guy in my car once with breath so bad I had to let my window down and drive with my face kinda out of the window. And this was during January in D.C. I dropped him off at the Metro just to get him and his breath out of my car cause that ninja kept talking when he needed to close his mouth. And nostrils. There is no excuse for that.

I'd like to add that a grown man should take pride in his appearance. Holes and stains and raggedy dusty ass shoes and such are S.No.B.!

SingLikeSassy said...

OMG! Dudes who don't read anything that's not sports-related and are unaware/uninterested in current events?!! S.No.B.!!

rozb said...

Huh? What? *wide-eyed and innocent*

bashowell said...

I've gotta co-sign on the funk.  I dated one dude...he took off his shoes...I promise you I had tears in my eyes.  I guess I must've looked some kind of way because he was like "Oh my feet sweat."  No your feet grow mushrooms, dude.

Mykeia said...

I am ill, but this has helped me!

Mykeia said...

Girl, wow! 

Mykeia said...

Okay!  When people roll down their windows in the dead of winter, this should be a clue, but sadly it is not...

SingLikeSassy said...

Piggybacking on Roz's post down below, I have a thing about men's feet. I will not touch any part of your body until I see your feet. I think it's because my Grandma always judges people by their feet and I picked that up, too. (side note: my cousin dated a tall model-esque young lady back in the day and this is how Grandma ID'd her all the time - "That girl with the long ass foots and the keen nose was here looking for you.)

So men, if your feet ain't right (i.e. clean, groomed, lotioned etc) you will *never* get to lay a finger on me (assuming you want to squeeze this sweet brown round LOL!).  And this rule is firm now since that I made an exception for my husband (who had nice feet but they always looked like he had walked through flour cause for some reason his lotion application ended at the ankles) and that we see how that turned out.

MsJamie14 said...

"No your feet grow mushrooms, dude."

Mama noooooo!!!!!!!!! *hollers*

rozb said...

"...long ass foots and the keen nose..." This comment has made my day. I would've like Grandma!

rozb said...

This guy probably quotes from Steve Harvey's book. SMH...

SingLikeSassy said...

She just turned 90 and is still entertaining us. LOL!

Earthangel172 said...

Oh.my.damn.

Bonita Applebum said...

Men who know the greatness of a pedicure >>>>>. Who wouldn't want to have smooth, baby bottom smooth feet?? And nicely trimmed toenails?? AND not experience the massage chair and foot & calf massage??

OneChele said...

Happy Birthday!

OneChele said...

Is it Easter? May Day? Mardi Gras? I'm trying to work with him.

TNDRHRT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TNDRHRT said...

Cornrows. With beads. Never. No, Sir.

TNDRHRT said...

See, you will NOT have me uncomfortable with your funk!  Girl!  It's cold as shat in DC in January and that ninja had you driving with your window down while he kept exhaling stank breath??  Chile....

CaliGirlED said...

 My cousin once had to excuse herself from a guy's house because of his bad breath. She got in her car, drove about a block, pulled over, opened her door and...

michaeldavis said...

soooo I'm guessing his living in the basement is S.No.B.?  You know he has the cable spliced off from the big TV in the living room and the sofabed all ready for ya LOL

michaeldavis said...

you're like the female Marcus Graham! telling him you don't allow shoes in your house just to double-check LOL

CaliGirlED said...

 Ok so you're gonna 1 up Roz huh? I can't today!!! "No your feet grow mushrooms, dude." *rolls under desk*

michaeldavis said...

the funny thing about the Life Savers suits? For all of the BnB sisters (and bros) that hate them. Some women LOVE guys in those suits... I'll be within earshot sometimes in total is disbelief

"Gerard, do you know your Pop has special mushrooms in the lining of his suit jacket?"  - Boomerang

michaeldavis said...

I just read the whole comment...I thought you just pulled this off the web *dies*

CaliGirlED said...

I have a thing about feet! DO NOT put them on me! I'm trying to get over this, but the more dilapidated the feet, the more I am inclined to stick to that rule!

"...lotion application ended at the ankles..." I'm afraid we're going to have to discuss this in the "No Ma'am" episode as well. SMH

CaliGirlED said...

You got to coooordinate!

Jeannette said...

Girl it's an epidemic.. dudes buying Magnums and got no reason even GLANCING at 'em.

BklynBajan said...

You can't tell him nothing! Lawd please send Elizabeth to get me now!

SingLikeSassy said...

I do make folks take shoes off at the front door....LOL!

BklynBajan said...

A FULL suit not a sports jacket you throw over every pair of jeans and khaki's you own!

BklynBajan said...

Time of death...1:16pm EST......

rozb said...

"...mushroom shirt, mushroom belt, BAM!" That has got to be the funniest part of the movie for me!

Jubi The Great said...

And please get that suit tailored. If I see one more man in a suit that is clearly too small or too big...

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

You'd hate my landlord's feet, then. He looks like he stepped in honey, then walked through a mile of 6" think fresh volcanic ash. XP

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Oh, Lawd!

DCbywayofCali said...

I'm not gonna go in too hard on the fellas b/c I am afraid of what they'll say when Michelle posts "No Ma'am" lol, but it is So Not Bougie to disparage a woman's preferences just b/c you don't do them.

If you wanna sit in the corner with a glass of moscato go on, but don't get mad at me when I want a Knob Creek Manhattan, extra vermouth and ice, please and thank you.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I coulda sworn those were what they called 'pimp suits'.

Earthangel172 said...

Let the Chuch say AMEN!!

maureen said...

Happy Birthday!

Earthangel172 said...

We call them ZOOT suits. LOL

Earthangel172 said...

No sir. I have a folder in my Outlook called the "Burden of Proof". Got tons of shiggity up in there. LMAO

maureen said...

And it is tight. #Icant.

Earthangel172 said...

His suit is straight out of the Krewe of Endymion!! Who Dat?! LOL

Earthangel172 said...

It is!

; )

C Nelson said...

My sister's baby daddy is mad because he's been agitating to pierce my nephew's ear and get him an earring since the child was a month old. He's 18 months old now, and the man was still pushing the issue up to last week, when my kid sister looked him in the eye and said "the men in MY family do not wear earrings." "but he's my son, and his half brothers all have--" "MY son will not." There will not be any Easter candy colored suits in this house either, unless his sister takes to wearing pants.

ishtar_79 said...

I will light weight disparage a man for consuming moscato if it is not the end of a meal in which dessert wines are being consumed.

Earthangel172 said...

I have a thing about feet! DO NOT put them on me!

This!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Ahhhhh. Must be the psychedelic colours that made me mix-up those two suit genres. XD

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Isn't wearing a too-big condom dangerous? Suppose that thing slips off mid-cocoa? THEN what?

They're putting their pride ahead of their health, and pocket? *kmt*

Earthangel172 said...

It gets lodged up in the vjj....don't ask me how I know. LOL

BklynBajan said...

They sit on Maury declaring 1000% sure the baby isn't mine...until told with 99.99% certainty that it is :).

NY2VA said...

D.E.A.D.

That is a story that I would LOVE to hear after about three cockatails!  

*Mixes a pitcher of  sweet tea vodka and lemonade*

NY2VA said...

I just scream laughed in my office!!!  That kneegrow is #casketsharp

NY2VA said...

There is nothing worse than, what I like to call , "Gap Neck" and jacket sleeves that hang too long.  And let's not mention the brothas who leave the LABEL sewn onto the sleeve.  Jesus be a scissor...

NY2VA said...

 "Oh my feet sweat."  No your feet grow mushrooms, dude.
Y'all gon get me fired at the end of the work day!!!

NY2VA said...

DAMN!!!!  That's a lot of husk!

NY2VA said...

some women LOVE guys in those suits... 
If there were no sistas who loved them, the brothas would not wear them.  There are women who go out and purchase these ensembles for there men.  I've seen them.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Oh Lord and Jesus...*blesses self*

rozb said...

In the movie Shaka Zulu, HE had some ashy rough feet. I recall he put out some fire and red-hot sticks with his feet. O_O

rozb said...

I commend your sister.

Sol_dier said...

Ladies, I think you have officially made this a 'bougie after dark' session. 

You guys are going in!

C Nelson said...

Let me tell you, she and that man are an object lesson in "be ye not unequally yoked". He has about six other children, she didn't find out until she was pregnant that he was married, and he's been after her and after her to take the baby to his mother to raise -- our home and family are too quiet and genteel for his taste, not enough partying and running the streets. This is why his other sons number among them a high school dropout, a jailbird, and plenty of genuine homegrown ratchet. The earring is only the first of their battles, so I hope she stays strong -- she will never raise this child to be a respectable, productive, and respectful man except over his father's protests.

Earthangel172 said...

::dead on arrival::

Earthangel172 said...

ROTFLOL @ casketsharp!

I'm done y'all.

Earthangel172 said...

I'm in rare form today...sorry!

CaliGirlED said...

Oh my!!!

Jennifer said...

O.M.G. 

LAWD!!!! I went to HS with the guy in today's  picture.   I am now spent from laughter.  Carry on

dasmokingace said...

As far as the suits in fruit colors:  Black
Man's Law No. 74: Have a suit that fits you, Blend, do not coordinate
(like Pops would say), Make sure your pinstripes are thin, no more than 4
button, and NO LOUD COLORS.

CaliGirlED said...

 Yes! And "bang, bang, bang" topped it off! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

But why he gotta sit in the corner with his moscato though? LMAO!!!

Natasha said...

This Church suit gets a baptist finger and a tip toe out the door.  What church does he go to and WHY? Casketsharp indeed!

Trey Charles said...

*sticks head in* Ya'll going in today.

ClayJones said...

I'm old school - Men drink "dark likka" and red wine. That is all. I will personally snatch the man card of any bruh sipping a cosmospolitan, moscato, lemon drop. No.

ClayJones said...

Exactly this. Suits come in black, blue, grey and shades of brown. If I'm in a tropical climate - white linen. But it's hard to pull that off without looking like a broke down Col. Sanders.

SingLikeSassy said...

Good lawd a'mercy!

TNDRHRT said...

Cornrows.  With beads.  No.

CaliGirlED said...

Can you print this up and have it distributed to every Super Bowl/NBA Finals party, man cave, church bulletin board, college information board, billboard...ok, EVERYWHERE!!!

OneChele said...

Not "dark likka"

OneChele said...

#NoCountryForCoolioHair?

OneChele said...

WOW! Small world... ha!

vroshell said...

I read this site everyday and never read the comments......i have to start now because i have been highly entertained...thanks!

SA said...

Only appropriate for girls under the age of 10. And 10 might be pushing it.
Why would a grown man........well, then again, why would a grown man do any of the things listed here huh?

Jesse said...

No offense to our fearless blogger but the comments are definitely worth a daily read through.

Jesse said...

No offense to our fearless blogger but the comments are definitely worth a daily read through.

Jesse said...

This.

Brenda Kay said...

^^^More than happy to help distribute this flyer. ;-D

Jesse said...

Roc-a-Puffy?! Bwahaha!

Grace said...

Ninja 32 and still waiting for his chance to play pro ball? S.No.B!
Let me direct you to thatshiphassailed dot com

bashowell said...

See also "music producer" and "rapper".

Brenda Kay said...

For those who laughed about me opening the door to Black Santa - imagine this suit right here ^^^ in Christmas red, with matching tie and Stacy Adams hat complete with a black feather! I wanted to kill my cousin for his match-making efforts...

Veronica Miller said...

I have died. I am dead and gone. See me at the crossroads.

Veronica Miller said...

He looks like a bottle of Windex.

Brenda Kay said...

S.No.B. ~ Men over the age of 50 still sporting their beloved 1970's style afro's often times with a receding hairline. 

And for the mature man (no names) who dyes his hair black, but leaves that square grey patch on the left side of your head ~ I know your ex Caroline told you that it made you look sexy. I'm here to tell you Caroline was blind in one eye and couldn't see out the other. You look ridiculous. I say this with nothing but love. 

Veronica Miller said...

*leyomi drops*

http://gifsoup.com/view/84655/leyomi-dips-o.gif

Veronica Miller said...

Noooooooooo!

Earthangel172 said...

#EpicFAIL

Earthangel172 said...

LMAO!!!

Earthangel172 said...

My brain hurts just thinking about a Xmas red suit...and I thought this suit was bright. LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

No she did not say #casketsharp. Make it a double plot because I just expired. CTFU!

rozb said...

Tie a knot in the top?

If you want it to stay put a knot in it - oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh! *sung to Put a Ring on It*

NY2VA said...

"YOU LOOK LIKE A BLUEBERRY!" -- Verinica Corningstone to Ron Burgundy

NY2VA said...

OH. SNAP.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

My God. O_O I am praying hard for her, and wishing her all the best. I was wondering why a grown man was so hell-bent on getting his son's ear pierced, but now I know.

Lawd...*blesses self; not even Catholic*

Jasmin said...

He'll, it's Thursday, I've been giving my kids district tests like there's no tomorrow all week, and there was a f*cking earthquake right before school got out today. Just pass the alcohol please.

CaliGirlED said...

Oh my damn!!! LOL! *prays for Caroline's eyes*

CaliGirlED said...

Ms. Roz the corner awaits you!!!

CaliGirlED said...

I'll pass on that imagery, please and thank you!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!!

rozb said...

Do I have to sit facing the corner? *pouts and kicks rock on the way to the corner*

GammasWorld said...

Wait she didn't?  

GammasWorld said...

I *knew* not to come over here with a beverage ... you owe me a keyboard LOL 

rozb said...

Ouch. You just left skidmarks with that burn!

michaeldavis said...

knew it.. y'all AIN'T slick

tiffanyinhouston said...

Reason #4080 why my husband is up in the nail shop every 2 weeks like clockwork!

tiffanyinhouston said...

Ya'll have SLAIN with these comments today!! LOL!!

Quick story regarding bullet #3: What's S.No.B. is inviting me to the movies and then you get up to the ticket counter and pull the old I left my credit card/debit card/cash at home.

What IS Bougie is how I very quickly looked at dude REAL sideways and calmly said: "Oh we can leave then and do this some other time." as we take our exit from the theater in his car.

What was DEFINITELY S.No.B. was how dude got cussed out Hiram Clarke style (the neighborhood I grew up in) once I was out of his car and back into my vehicle.

That negro called 30 minutes later with the apologies and shit.

He got to talk to the lady in the phone with the pre-recorded voice.

CaliGirlED said...

 That's right pout and kick your way to your seat! You know you have cut up in here this day! *whispers* And I loved every minute of it! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Bwahahaha!!!

Similar situation with eating. "You have $10 on you?" Me: "No, we should go get your wallet." We end up at Hartz Chicken! (Equivalent to Popeye's, Church's, Louisiana...for my Cali folks.)...You brag about the BMW you drive and you can't afford a decent lunch???  Boy go sit down somewhere! That was the worst 2-1/2 hours!

CaliGirlED said...

S.No.B.:  Same Hartz Chicken Lunch Ninja, sittin in church on a Sunday smelling like Friday's shower, after an active Saturday and a week's worth of backed up bowels!

Brenda Kay said...

Oh wow... 

Brenda Kay said...

Ohhh, how I have laughed myself silly at the responses, replies and comments on this thread. 

"He got to talk to the lady in the phone with the pre-recorded voice." <---ROTFLMBO!

Sol_dier said...

Sending offerings to Buddha, sacrifice to yemoja, prayers to Jesu Christi.. Daggers and stay in your lane to the devil.

She gonna need some help. Cos dude is doing what he knows how to do, not what he should do to make the change. 

Sol_dier said...

How about we were just meeting for a walk along the river, I did NOT want to eat. You damn near force me to go to a restaurant. 
I'm still not hungry so order tea and desert, he orders a 3 course meal. We wait 20mins for the meal, the minute the meal comes he looks at me and says.. 'oh by the way I forgot my wallet'. O_O
(he didn't even check for it once, the entire time we were there)

Was the last time I saw him. Days later dude is texting, emailing, IM'ing about ... 'I've loved you since we were in high school'.  O_O

Okay dude, its time to love someone else. cos I can't even hang out with you. Just NO

rozb said...

Oooohhhh.....my nose closed up just thinking about it!

Singlelif said...

Was telling the Ladies at the BnB DC meet n' greet, last Friday about this PhD. Ninja I had a date with.  Met him out at a restaurant for dinner. We ordered appetizers.  Ten minutes later he asks me if I'd "make a run with him to the  liquor store for some Hen.ness.y", because the liquor store would be closed by the time we finished our meal.  After considerable back and forth about how S.No.B that is, and how I wouldnt talk badly about him to my friends, he made that run to the store, and I was gone, dinner packed up, and almost home by the time he returned to the restaurant, calling me to see if I was in the restaurants restroom.  S.No.B

DC Bougenistas - Remember I looked thru my phone to remember his name ? Well my phone accidently dialed him later than night and he called me back, sounding all happy and whatnot, thinking I wanted to chat.  I asked him if he'd attended any AA meetings lately, then added his # to Mr. Callblock.

Wanyanak said...

Oh my! I threw up a little bit in my mouth over this one! o____O

Singlelif said...

I hope you didnt pay for his meal.

Jennifer said...

I'm not a wine expert, but I'm also saying no to the Arbor Mist and the White Zinfandel dude

dasmokingace said...

Will do mam'!!!

CorettaJG said...

Oh Lawd!!  That one was a classic.  Good times at the DC BnB meet and greet!  And now Dr. Hen.ness.y is thinking he's back in?  Uh uh, no Sir.

CorettaJG said...

This comment section right here. . . LOL!

Singlelif said...

Right ! Great times. So sorry you will not be making the next one.  We must have a special holiday Bnb Meet and greet...

Jazzy Jazz said...

Lets add relaxer/ jheri curl to this please

Jazzy Jazz said...

can we add sagging pants to this list? Oh and skinny jeans too- sir your pants should NOT be tighter than mine are 

Earthangel172 said...

dead at Hiram Clarke!!!! H-town is on the map..LOL

I know you cussed him out real good.

Earthangel172 said...

No Ma'am. This came from a guy who sent me this pic a few years back.

Alvin Milton said...

you all need to grow up. footsy under the covers is str8 awesomesauce

Sol_dier said...

:-( I did. I was young and so aware that we were the only black people in said restaurant.
I just took on the chest and kept it moving. I changed my entire social network profile to avoid dude. Just never again.

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