Monday, October 24, 2011

Confident or Arrogant? Or Something else?


As a writer, I like to create characters that I would either be best friends or mortal enemies with. Often, I've found that the difference between a character I love and one I love to hate is the degree to which they play up their strengths or weaknesses. Take, for instance; self-esteem. Healthy is good, inflated is irksome. Confidence can tip forward into arrogance, arrogance can slide into egomania. Or maybe it's something else altogether.  The following scenarios are from actual emails I have received. So take a look and decide.

1. Woman is dating two men- the men both know about each other. After a few months, the fellas decide enough is enough. They show up at her place at the same time and tell her she has to pick one or the other. One tells her, "You know what I have to offer. I hope you choose me," then he leaves. The other sits down, puts his feet up and pats the sofa beside him. "You know it's me, it was always gonna be me, and it's still me." How very N'Sync of him. But I ask you - is this arrogant or is this confident? Or something else?

2. Twenty-two year old college graduate goes into large corporation to interview for an entry-level position in the marketing department. Their resume consists of retail, restaurant and volunteer work. In the interview, the new grad admits that they have no practical hands-on experience but feels they are smart enough to pick up whatever is thrown their way. Even though the position pays $38,000 annually, the new grad says they won't take less than $45,000 because that is what they feel they are worth. Tell me - is this arrogant or confident? Or something else?

3. Thirty-five year old woman recently lost a lot of weight. She is back to her high school size and wants to flaunt it a little bit. She reaches into the back of her closet and pulls out her old high school outfits and starts wearing them. Several people (friends, family, coworkers) advise her that this is not a good look. She says, "The clothes are back in style, they aren't too revealing plus I look good in them." BougieLand, is this arrogance? Confidence? Or something else?

BougieLand, what say you about 1, 2, and 3? What's the difference (in your opinion) between confidence and arrogance? Which one are you? Do share.

66 comments:

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

I didnt even get to two and three. 

If a woman I am dating is dating some other dude concurrently and I KNOW about it where do I get off getting in cahootz with said dude and Confronting her about it?  

If I am not okay with how things are playing out my choices are crystal clear. 

Both those dudes are Posers with egos the size of Barack Obama's 2012 warchest and as fragile as Herman Cain's presidential viability. 

No wonder she didn't bother choosing one over the other, she's probably just shuttling in Scrubs on 10 day contracts until she can draft a superstar. 

ClayJones said...

1. Something else - foolhardy. What is this, an audition? No.
2. Something else - clueless. First job out of college, you take what they give you.
3. Something else - unfortunate. A 35 year old dressing like an 18 year old is never a good thing.

I'd say the difference between confidence and arrogance is how far you take it. I lean to the arrogant side unfortunately.

JaymeC said...

1. Arrogant
2. Young
3. Foolishness

Cocoa Winston said...

1. Arrogant
2. Arrogant
3. Deluded - I don't care what's in style. I can't see any good reason to yank out twenty year old clothing (Why does she still own it?!) and put it on.

05girl said...

ALL THREE SITUATIONS - arrogance.

the audacity of #2.  this is what's wrong with our generation. focused on a $-amount to determine their worth.  good luck with that, i hope she writes you back.

Bonita Applebum said...

1. Arrogance and disrespect. Just wig snatched her freedom of choice. Womp.
2. Naivete. Yes, know your worth but also know the way the job industry works and the corporation's work environment. 
3. Longing for younger years.  Chances are the clothes AREN'T back in style; she just envisions slim Sista Sally walking through the halls of the high school. Plus I doubt the style of a high schooler is mature enough for the life and workplace of a 35 year old.

bashowell said...

1) Arrogant.  But they BOTH get the side eye and BOTH would get kicked to the curb.  How're you gonna get together and show up at the same time.  Nawl...

2) Immature. Better take it and get on with it.  Otherwise good luck w/that job search.

3) Therapy.  I'm 34 and picturing what HS clothes looked like...no.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

1. Dude who stayed was arrogant, and also straining to hold out to win the p*ssing contest.  No thank you. I'd have more respect for the man who left. But, if I'm seriously dating two men at the same time, and neither has one out, that is an answer in an of itself.
2. Years ago, I'd say arrogant.  In this economy, I'd say arrogant. But having worked and seeing how inequitable life is, and how closed mouths don't get fed, I'd tell the person to tactfully negotiate a bigger salary. Blurting it out in the interview is fool-hardy. So arrogant, but for tactical failures.
3. Something else - delusion. Shouldn't her style have changed in 20 years?  I'm not saying she can't wear more youthful clothing, but she needs to not literally take it back to high school.

ShawnSoze said...

Here's a conversation for you
Ex-girlfriend calls. "Are you ready to get back together yet?"
I say "No, why do you ask?"
She says "I figured by now you would have come back to your senses and realized I'm the best you're gonna find."
I say. "Wow. Well no. Still standing behind the broken up thing."
Her response. "We'll see."

Confident, arrogant, or something else?

I'll take out of pocket for $2000 Alex.

Jeannette said...

1.  Arrogant - But kudos to ol' girl that got 2 dudes clamoring for her attention
2.  Arrogant  - future Call Center applicant
3.  Confident - How "high school" are the clothes? "Frankie Says Relax" old? or  Acid Wash jeans old.

NY2VA said...

1. Something else - B*TCHA**NESS!  Clearly neither of them have any friends who are worth a damn since actually they moved forward with this b*tch made plan of theirs.  I can only imagine homegirl laughing at Dumbass #2 as he sat there patting the couch and talking ish.  Whatever Nucka.  And you know that Dumbass #1 - aka the dude who left - called her after a couple of days of radio silence talmbout he's sorry and he wants to talk.  Nucka, go THAT way...

2. Something Else - Green.  That baby just doesn't know any better.  Somebody told them wrong.  They'll figure it out.

3. Something Else - Stupid.  She's trippin for  a minute.  Once her CLOSEST girlfriends sit her down and stage an intervention/come to Jesus meeting with her, she'll be okay.  She is trippin to hard for a drive by convo here and there to be effective.  Her girls are gonna have to come to the house with food and a couple of bottles of something and have a full fledged sit-down discussion.  There will be yelling and there will be tears but she will be right afterward.

NY2VA said...

How "high school" are the clothes? "Frankie Says Relax" old? or  Acid Wash jeans old.
Uhh... seeing as both were hot in the 80s, I would say "Hell to da naw" to either one.  LOL! 

Jasmin said...

So far this thread has been charitable toward number 2, but as another 22-year-old college graduate, I'll say it. Go sit down.

I know this person. S/he's the poor soul who majored in Sociology* and came out with a 2.8 and no plans to go to grad school, yet now expects to make bank with no experience. Tip from someone who has/ still is there. 1) If your degree is not in Marketing, you have no leverage until you get some experience. 2) Even if your degree is in Marketing, there are 60 people in line behind you with a degree, relevant experience and a much better attitude. Start at the bottom and show your worth.

*No disrespect toward humanities--I majored in Spanish and Psychology. Thing is, those fields require a Master's (at least) in order to get anywhere, so if you aren't going further in that field you are SOL On the job front.

md_KG said...

Ha! I thought I was the only one thinking comments were too kind to #2. The word that came to mind was entitled.

md_KG said...

1. Numskull behavior.
2. Entitled and in need of a serious reality check.
3. Tragic.

Patricia Woodside said...

1.  Arrogant -- Show him the door.  If he takes you for granted this much before the wedding, it won't get better.
2.  Immature -- Unrealistic expectations and probably too sure of himself to take sound counsel
3.  Insecure -- she's afraid that weight's not going to stay off

Lady Ngo said...

1- I wanna say arrogant, but maybe he knows what the girl is about. the fact that she didn't slam the door in their face when they showed up talkin that nonsense says something. And who knows, maybe she was waiting for one of them to man up and tell her to cut the crap.

2- Psycho: In this damn economy, you're lucky to find a job at all especially with no skills. And you want a 7k pay increase?!? GTFOH Even if 45k is the local avg, you have no skills boo!

3-Confident but in need of help: If the clothes are not a good look, it doesn't matter how good you look in them!

Jubi The Great said...

1 - Arrogan & if I was that woman I'd get rid of him just for that display he showed. I love a confident man but too many men confuse confidence with arrogance, especially when it comes to relationships.

2 - I need that student to have a stadium of seats. No degree in the field + no relevant work experience in the field = resume in the circular file. They should be happy they even got an interview. There are folks out here with experience & multiple degrees who can't find jobs & I'm sure they'd be happy to take that $38K.

3 - Delusional. 35 year old wearing their high school clothes is a recipe for disaster? Why do they even still own the same clothes they wore in high school?

Sasha in Stilettos said...

1. Arrogant and thanks, Chele - that damn NSync song is now stuck in my head.
2. We got Phds out here checking at Wal-Mart - get real child.
3. This is a total lack of self-esteem

Sasha in Stilettos said...

Dude - this is TapBack. You were warned! Bwahaha!

Jubi The Great said...

Another example of TapBack gone wrong...folks are out here doing the absolute most.

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "fragile as Herman Cain's presidential viability". 

SingLikeSassy said...

1. Arrogant. And possibly delusional. Either way he would get fired and I would call up the other guy.

2.  Dumb.  You negotiate salary when you get a job offer not in the interview.

3. This is foolishness. Is she 35 walking around looking like Left Eye from TLC?!  The fashion rule is if you wore it the first go-round do not wear it when it shows up again.

blackprofessor said...

Delusional to the nth degree!  Did you a) laugh, b) hang-up or c) let her know she wasn't all that? I might have done all three in that order.

blackprofessor said...

Lawd have mercy, it is too early!

1) Stupid and arrogant! What part of the game is this?? Both dudes sound lame and weak and the 2nd is covering up insecurities with a huge ego. 
2) Delusional, naive and entitled! In this economy, you take what you can get. After you get the job and show them what you can do, you start asking for raises and bonuses nicely. Girlfriend needs a mentor to show her the ropes in corporate America.
3) Delusional sprinkled with low self-esteem! This woman still thinks she is overweight in her head and the clothes are covering up the self-esteem issues she had from all those years of being overweight. 

NatashaHunter said...

1)  Male #1= confident fool. Male #2= arrogant fool. Female= female lead in Trois 4

2) Arrogant and grossly misinformed.

3) I like vintage clothing.   I won't prejudge, but unless you were sporting the Diane Von Furstenburg wrap dresses in your Home Ec class (I love those),  you may want to rethink that move. If you insist on doing it, also consider visiting a seamstress for alterations to make them more current. 

wait...

I just realized 35 puts you at a couple of years older than me... which means Cross Colors, Karl Kani Damaged, Used and  Guess fits...sheer shirts... those jeans with the leather or cow print on the front... Girl!?!  Boo. Bye.

Trey Charles said...

I see ShawnSoze 's "Best you'll find" story and raise with a girl a few months back who literally rolled out of bed and announced "I know I was the best you ever had. Don't deny it."

Afterglow #FAIL.

SingLikeSassy said...

"Cross Colors, Karl Kani Damaged, Used and  Guess fits...sheer shirts... those jeans with the leather or cow print on the front" <--all this right here. Do not pass Go. Do not win $200.

SingLikeSassy said...

How "high school" are the clothes? "Frankie Says Relax" old? or  Acid Wash jeans old. <-- it doesn't matter cause this is dead wrong on a 35 year old woman.

Jesse said...

But wait - was she?
LMAO!

SingLikeSassy said...

Bored. That's what she was, bored. And in her boredness she thought, lemme call up ShawnSoze and see what nonsense I can get started.

SingLikeSassy said...

Some folks are taking talking it into existence too literally.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

All I have to say for all three is this: WDDDA?!

DCbywayofCali said...

1) Sounds borderline abusive.  What happens if she doesn't choose him?  Is there an "eat the cake Anna Mae" in her future? Me no likey.

2) Sounds like all of my students except for mine are bold and want an 80k job.  I see no reason to disabuse them of both their arrogance and entitlement.  If daddy is paying your bills then more power to you, but more likely than not you're gonna be seeing me about graduate school and sprucing up your resume when you receive that 50 millionth "Don't email us.  We'll Skype you."

3) Finally dropping unwanted pounds is a glorious thing.  Kudos to this woman for taking care of her physical health.  Now please someone guide her to a mental health practitioner.  Maybe it's not arrogance, but some left over body issues that need to be worked out in therapy.

taut_7 said...

1. super arrogant. i would never assume a woman would choose me over another man. i could have a good inclination but i would never assume. and to say it outright to her face? if a woman did that to me i think i wouldn't pick her just off principle. never get too comfortable.

2. confident. if the grad knows their worth why settle? plus its a large corporation. its not like their hurting for 7,000 annually. if they feel they're worth it then why not. the plan could backfire though.

3. this is borderline depending on how much she's actually revealing. i do think once you reach a certain age you should dress a certain way though. 

GrownAzzMan said...

Props for "eat the cake Anna Mae" 

Sasha Iman said...

1. Last dude is straight up arrogant, but they both off for pulling that stunt in the first place.

I'm all for multi-dating but I'd be planning my exit if someone was
spending months (I'm assuming at least 3 here) versus weeks choosing
between me and someone else. I wouldn't pull some "the boy is mine"
childish ish though... They new what was up, all this time they spent conspiring together they could have sat her down individually and made their feelings known.

And if they had to do some 007 type agent work to get each others contact info and plan the confrontation, they're #doingthemost.

2. Lmfao, I'm voting arrogant mixed with green. What worth, in regards to the corporate world, is he talmbout?

*shakes head* Career services and an inflated ego have failed you my brethren.

3. Eh, neither. I sense she's just trying to convince herself/prove to people she's still got it. Now that she's highschool size again, she wants to get her highschool strut on. She'll come around when the newness has worn off and she doesn't feel the need to prove anything to herself or anyone else.

~I have a high threshold for people with big egos. For me, confidence becomes arrogance when one feels the need to speak highly of oneself, but shows no tact in doing so. It doesn't matter if the person in question can back it up. Shoot, they better be able to back it up.~

Only1DivaC said...

I'm speechless. How did you not laugh in her face and proceed not to hang up in her face after the ". . . I thought you would have come back to your senses?"

Only1DivaC said...

The heck?! Who does that? I swear some women think they have that "magic" cocoa. I beg of these women to join us here on the planet we like to call Earth.

BklynBajan said...

1. Arrogant - dude doesn't seem to realize that if she wanted to seal the deal she would have sent the other suitor packing of her own volition. I'm not mad at her..do you playette!

2. Delusional - an entry level marketing job at $38K is a lot - in this economy. Colleges stay pumping out communications majors so that new grad needs to understand there are at least 50 other candidates applying with real life marketing projects and unpaid internships behind their interview. When he/she is asking "do you want fries with that" they'll understand the true value of a BA in Comm soon enough - then get to studying for another degree or accept that unpaid internship they were too busy to take over the summers before graduating. (Before ya'll go apeisht on me I hava a BA in Comm - now have an MBA). Of all the alums that graduated with me I know 3 that are making a living without an advanced degree in something else).

3. Arrogance crossing into delusional - I can still fit my prom dress but why would I wear it? It stays in closet as a vanity item (fill it out better now but I'd never wear outside). Happy you got your health in order - now go on a shopping spree before we call "What Not to Wear" on ya.  

C Nelson said...

1. Arrogant and I'd dump them both. WTF, ultimatums -- and collaborating on it to force my hand because you think I'd have to choose one or the other? Yeah, no. You both lose, 'cause I don't do controlling men.

2. Arrogant. Save that for your first review after you've had some successes you can list to back up your claim of worth.

3. Neither, just sad.  Somebody needs some counseling on body image and self-worth issues.

Nadette said...

In all three of these scenarios, there seems to be delusions of grandeur aplenty.

Scenario #1: Did N'Sync Dude really put his feet up?? On her furniture? Who does he think he is, Gaston from Beauty in the Beast? (yes, I did just reference a Disney Movie, but that literally happened in the movie, and it amused me as a child and even more so as a grown person) That would've been his cue to exit as far as I'm concerned. And quite frankly, if she can't choose between the two guys, she's just not into either of them. But that's a different discussion.

Scenario #2. I can't even with this fool. In this economy and with zero experience, you're not worth more than a retail job. And they probably won't hire you, b/c you're over qualified. So please get a grip on reality, and have some humility--that is if they even give you the job, which I'm sure they didn't.

Scenario #3. Who in their RIGHT MIND still owns anything they wore in High school post college graduation??? And at 35, I don't care what size you wear, or what the current trend is, under zero circumstances is it acceptable to wear your old high school wardrobe. NO MA'AM.

thinklikeRiley said...

My bad but alladat looks like triple scoops of #HaveSeveralSeatsPlease

Jubi The Great said...

Good question, good question...

CaliGirlED said...

#1 is a CAP (cocky, arrogant and pushy).

#2 is arrogant, and needs to look up the word "negotiate".

#3 is...bless her heart...is crackish.

To me arrogance is over-valuing yourself and thinking you're better than others; confidence is knowing your abilities and worth but being humble, yet firm about them. (Cocky is a form of arrogance, but more showy and in your face.)

Pure Choco said...

What he said ^^^ #cosign

Pure Choco said...

Inquiring minds...

Pure Choco said...

No she didn't! That is... bold.

MsJamie14 said...

You answered tho... O_o

I'll let myself out. LOL

MsJamie14 said...

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! @ Afterglow #FAIL

MsJamie14 said...

Well...after reading oodles and oodles of stories about insecure folks, I guess we know where to go to find the complete opposite. To all 3 scenarios...chile please! lol

Mykeia said...

Okay!  Why is she still owning 20-year old clothing, donate that stuff, pronto.

Michele said...

1.  Arrogant
2.  I interviewed this kid before.  I offered $40k.  He accepted.  Then came back and asked for $45K because he feels that's what he was worth. I told him thank you but no thank you.  He was confident or arrogant.  He was young and dumb.
3.  She's insecure.  Whether the clothes are in style or not, they are  not age appropriate. 

rozb said...

1. The guy who said his peace and walked away - confident. The guy who stayed - arrogant. If either one stays after she chooses - stupid.

2. Very stupid. In this economy, there are folks who do not have a job with tons more experience that will elbow them on the way out the door and gladly accept the position. When you are new to the game, slow your roll, build your game up, then let them know you are qualified. Employers ain't trying to get duped by newbees!

3. Delusional. Remember Baby Jane? She was 89 years old, and she could still fit those little girl clothes and curl her hair up, but should she be doing it?

Nickoletta80 said...

1. Arrogant

2. Immature and a product of the "I want it NOW" generation.

3. Let it go. I know someone like this now. But can we talk about the fact that they STILL have clothes from high school in their closet? Like, for real?

CaliGirlED said...

Am I really that tired that I can not even process this conversation?...Let me see....Ok I got it, not arrogant nor confident, she's Crazy, Deranged (in my Martin voice)!!!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO @ "Call Center applicant"!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Let me add to that: I don't care what your degree is in, no work experience, you don't demand a higher salary, you hope they'll give you what they initially stated in the job posting!

CaliGirlED said...

#2, THIS!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"The fashion rule is if you wore it the first go-round do not wear it when it shows up again." HA!!!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO @ #1 & #3!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Now that is some hilarious shit right there!!!

You should have told her, "No, but you plus the memory of the one who was? Pretty damn close!"

CaliGirlED said...

Always love a good Ike & Tina quote!

CaliGirlED said...

 #2: Don't forget those stay-at-home moms who have the same degree, prior work experience AND while not working volunteered for some organization handling their marketing affairs, who now needs/wants to get back into the workforce and will gladly take that $38k.

Yofabulous said...

1.  This one is sooo close, but I'm gonna go with "Arrogant" 

2.  Arrogant (vastly inflated sense of self-worth - wouldn't have received an offer from me)

3.  Confident (overly so)

GammasWorld said...

Imma just agree with Riley and call it a night :) 

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