Friday, October 14, 2011

Brown Sugar - WWYD?


Sanaa Lathan is the career woman on the rise. She's got the swag job, the trendy apartment, the cute wardrobe and no man (at first). She does have a good friend from childhood though. Taye Diggs plays the music exec with a crisis of conscience and a high maintenance fiance. He's so glad his good friend is moving back to NYC. Now they can hang out, he can give her dating tips, all sorts of fun is just around the corner. Nicole Ari Parker plays Taye's bougie-in-a-bad-way s/o and Boris Kodjoe plays Sanaa's self-absorbed (can we say stereotype?) baller boyfriend. In supporting sidekick roles are Queen Latifah and Mos Def (who kind of stole the movie). Anyway, put yourself in this situation:

You and one particularly tasty friend of yours go way back to elementary school days. You've seen each other through a lot and the friendship is still hanging in. You two are like grits and shrimp. (No? Too Southern?) You two are like popcorn and butter. Sure, you've wondered what it might be like to play clothes-free cocoa games with them but you value the friendship. You've been known to stare at this person like they are the last shrimp on the buffet and it's been a minute since you had seafood. Funny, they look at you the same way. But the timing is always off and now you're seeing somebody and they just got out of a bad relationship. 

Dear readers - what would you do? Would you risk losing a lifelong friendship to see if the chemistry is there for a real chance at love with your best friend? Or do you keep your pals in the friend zone and never cross that line? Do best friends make the best lovers? Who has ended up in a romantic relationship with a long-time friend and how did it turn out? Do tell...

54 comments:

Lady4Real said...

I married my best friend, childhood best friend at that. Me and hubs have known each other since 3rd grade, he would walk me home from school everyday. We lost touch after 5th grade  but then became neighbors again in the middle of 6th grade. We started dating in the middle of 7th grade, he became my 1st everything. We had a son at 15, broke up at 17 became friends again around 22 and got married at 27.

In the in between time I tried dating two of my best friends, the 1st one would not and could not work, he was too much like a brother to me so we laughed it off and remain great friends to this very day. The 2nd time didn't even make it to a date, we loved our friendship so much and because of my previous experience I kept him in the friend zone, I just can't cross that line, once my brother always my brother.

ClayJones said...

I married my childhood best friend. It was a great marriage for fifteen years and a good one for five more after that. Then we just grew apart and since we were such good friends, it wasn't acrimonious. We remain friendly to this day. Twenty years and two kids is pretty good.

SingLikeSassy said...

I do whatever makes me end up with Mos Def.

And let's revisit this foolishness from the movie since it's Friday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aH8upEjhm0

CaliGirlED said...

Bwahahaha!!! You are a fool Sassy! But why were they trying to harmonize "the hoe is mine"??? And he said, "Take it to the top, back to the first hoe"!!! *hollers*

SingLikeSassy said...

Girl my little cousin and I were singing this song when I was home a couple of weekends ago and laughing at how outrageous folks can get. I love this movie, have watched it a gazillion times.

TNDRHRT said...

One of my favorite movies!  I think I may just watch it this weekend.  Yes, I'd take that chance.  Why?  Because I believe that friendship is the basis of any good relationship.  We already know each other's backgrounds so that 'getting to know you' part of the beginning of a romance is already taken care of.  If the relationship doesn't work out, at least we still have the friendship.  Let's hope!

MsJamie14 said...

My answer: I don't know.

I've have a few guy "best friends" who are like brothers to me. I can typically point to a moment (way in the past) where I thought "what if" or I could tell he was thinking "what if." But we were never on that page at the same time no one ever made that move. That being said, all those best friends are now married to other women. So I think things all worked out the way it was supposed to.

Jubi The Great said...

I'd go for it. As Queen Latifah said in the movie "You get the buddy & the booty, its a win-win". LOL

taut_7 said...

i have one of those relationships with my best friend. we've known each other since we were 16. we actually have a marriage pact. if neither of are married by the time we're 35 then we're getting married. *looks at the calendar* that's only 5 years away. either way we never acted on it because we're such great friends we worry about losing that. i don't think i would do it. 

Mykeia said...

"You two are like grits and shrimp. (No? Too Southern?)"---dead, we don't really make this in the PNW.
Boris is fine but Mos Def and his swag any day.
Back to the question...my hubby was a good friend of mine, not my best friend and this worked out, so sometimes I say go for it...life is too short for more than 10 what ifs.

Mykeia said...

Mos Def, swoon...girl, I saw him first!  ;-)

DCbywayofCali said...

As the Queen said in the film: "Why not have the buddy and the booty?"

What's the point in letting another person have someone you already think is wonderful?  I just don't get passing up a perfectly dateable friend to keep wading through ratchet.  I can always make new friends. *shrug*

ASmith said...

My BFF, my ace boon, my favoritest person is male.  I wouldn't be willing to risk it with that friendship... that and I just am NOT physically attracted to him like 'at. LOL.  Plus, I'm damn determined to prove that men and women can be good close friends sans underlying and undisclosed wishes to be with each other romantically.

I have some good male friends that I might be willing to run that risk with tho.

DCbywayofCali said...

See - therein lies the real answer "I just am NOT physically attracted to him like 'at."

I think most people are willing to "risk a friendship" for someone to whom they are attracted.  The "I'm not willing to risk it" is for their friends that would never get out of the friend zone  even if he/she wasn't a bestie.  Hell that's probably how the person became a bestie - t`his person is super cool, but I don't want any cocoa.

expresso said...

Ok, is it me....? If I meet someone who I have physical chemistry, the only way they become just a friend is AFTER, we have explored a relationship involving stirring the cocoa. If a man is or has been a friend to me , in which we never went down intimate lane and is one of my besties, then that is clearly all that it was ever going to be.

If "it" doesn't jump off from the jump, no amount of hanging out and being "ace" will change that.

blackprofessor said...

It depends on if we are mutually attracted to each other.  One of my best friends is a male and while he was always attracted to me it wasn't mutual!  However, if it were a situation where he and I could picture us being cut buddies then I would definitely go for it. 

I want the buddy and the booty!

TypeALady said...

"Life is too short for more than 10 what ifs."<--------this is everything!!!

BlackButterfly said...

My last Ex wasn't my best friend but he was a person that I had grown up with since the age of 13. We crushed on each other throughout that time but never crossed the boundary of family friends.  Reconnected in our early twenties and a relationship was born from that. 

If there is mutual attraction I suppose anything is possible but if I put a guy in the friend category then that has been where he stayed.

Leon X said...

That's Yasiin Bey to you young lady. Fix up, look sharp.

thinklikeRiley said...

The Friend Zone iz just a bullpen in Riley's world. All aces who could get called up to bat at any moment.

Andrea M said...

I have a friend from way back in the day who is rolling into town this weekend. Let me run this post by him and see what he thinks. Best of both worlds, right?

Sol_dier said...

Yes.
Whats the alternative?. Risk never experiencing what could be the greatest love affair of my life?. Nuh sir!
The more time I spend on this earth, the more I realise: there are no rules except the ones we make up.

If our friendship can't handle the possible demise of the relationship we transitioned to, then oh well, that really sucks. I'll be sad, I'll mourn it and keep a hold of the happy days.

But, I will most definitely go there if I feel a spark. Life is too short and love is too amazing for me to discount someone who has already gone over the first huddle of getting to know me beyond cocoa making and becoming a lover & a friend.

Sol_dier said...

such blessings :)

GrownAzzMan said...

*Yawn* Wake me when Rom-Com week is over.

bashowell said...

I had a relationship with a good friend.  We eventually realized we were better off as friends.  We're not AS close as we used to be, but there are no ill feelings.  I'd do it again - it's not something I regret.  I know me and I'd always be wondering "what if"? 

Beautifully Complex said...

Wow. I have heard of such pacts but never knew anyone who had made one. You might need to blog about this. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!!

taut_7 said...

perhaps i will soon.

C Nelson said...

My family moved too much when I was young; I don't have any friends who go all the way back. I do have a few who've been around for most of my adulthood, and one of them ... well, let's say every now and again the moon goes blue and I have a crush for a month or so. Have I told him? Sure. Because I knew he'd find it flattering, and I had a sneaking suspicion my behaviour warms up enough he would've figured it out anyway. AND ... because I knew he could take it, roll with it, and not let it make things weird. It's hard to be as close to somebody as we have been, for as long as we have been, without loving them. But there's all kinds of love. He's not the one I want to wake up next to and raise children with; he's the "uncle" I hope will be on hand to spoil and horrify said kids on a semi-regular basis instead. I can see my kids playing with his really easily, but I can't see them being the same kids. If I felt differently, I don't think we'd've made it this far as "just" friends -- if you can walk the friends-only walk for half a dozen years, you're either not meant to be anything else or your self-restraint is the kind that they write novels about. Russian novels, full of brooding and complicated motives and self-denial.

michaeldavis said...

I have a person like this in my life. In fact, my nickname for her is Sidney Shaw just like the character mentioned above. We're all in the same crew.  She puts up with my flirting and LAWD can she cook.  She knows the way to my heart is very little makeup and mac & cheese. The last time she made mac & cheese I told her I was going to Jared (like in the commercial).

But we have different life goals and are at different stages and we both agreed it would never work.   That's my ace though.

michaeldavis said...

speaking of Sanaa Lathan..saw this yesterday.

http://uptownmagazine.com/files/2011/10/Gabby-Sanaa-Ciara-300x478.jpg

OneChele said...

The Matrix is a rom-com?

ShawnSoze said...

No but next time, let's tackle the moral dilemmas in Transporter 2 and Salt.

OneChele said...

iQuit

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I made a pact with my guy friend about that.  We're some years from the agreed date, so we'll see what happens.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

This is exactly what happened in an instance where I dated a friend.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

What is it with dudes and mac and cheese?  My brother came to visit me after a stint offshore (he's in the coast guard) and that was the only food he requested (mine you, I'm the bougie sis who's lived alone so long that I have to make practice rounds of large dishes because I'm out of practice).

michaeldavis said...

It just is!  And I'm not the biggest person but I can personally run through nearly a whole dish.

CaliGirlED said...

 My brother LOVES macaroni & cheese! But that diabetes thang kinda put that love affair into "friend zone".

maureen said...

 Z only male friend( I have known him my entire life)  I have, let just say that  boy puts "P" in the word "Player". Thank God I'm not attracted  him. Wait, in 7th grade I was and got over it. His mom on the other hand,  wants me to marry him.   We just talked about it the other day and  he blamed  Catholic schooling for  the way  he  turned out.

Mykeia said...

I think that mac & cheese is just the perfect comfort food, it's just...you know...it just fits...even Oprah when "Beloved" flopped at the box office all she wanted was mac & cheese, she went off her diet because of the comfort of this dish...mac & cheese is powerful.

Bonita Applebum said...

I have a friend who's in this situation. I wish she would just go for it. In my opinion, you can try for a relationship and still maintain a friendship if things don't work out. Just gotta be civil, honest and upfront about things.  

Deb B said...

I have one male that I would consider but I've seen too much of his dealings with other women. No thanks.

Earthangel172 said...

LMAO!!!!

And why was that guy bobbing his head and sippping on bubbly like this song is the ish? #niggetry

Love this movie!

Earthangel172 said...

I made this mistake.

We were long time friends (5 years+) who had significant others. The timing was never right until one day we shared that we were both single at the time. Kickin' it officially commenced. Everything seemed to be on track until one night he cooked dinner for me. After dinner and a few drinks, some of the worst cocoa stirring in my life occurred. I have not spoke to the man since then.

Overshare? Yes.

Suffice it to say that I won't be going there ever again.

Singlelif said...

Hmmm....loves this movie, but nah...the naked grown-up fun would prohibit us from remaining besties, if something jumped off and went left. Too many choices out there who wouldnt know my life history if the situation got ugly.

In the event the situation started out as friends and had the potential to develop into something else, the fact remains that bad timing is bad timing. I'm already boo'd up, and he just got out of another relationship.  For me, this goes back to being the first one chosen - I need to be your first choice.  Hell, if he's known me that long, he should've just "manned up" along time ago, when my hotness was in it's prime, and saved me from the cruel dating  world. So I'm also mad at him for that, and he will never know my full potential in the relationship realm.  #Humph

Alvin Milton said...

mom dukes' baked mac and cheese. YUM. End of story.

Alvin Milton said...

There are a few femme friends in my life that I know could go that way. With one of them in particular, there have been expressions of interest from both parties... but I think about if I let it go down how things could go south quickly (based on our personalities) and the friendship would be ruined. Preserving this friendship means a bit more to me at this point. Plus I have been down this road in the past... there are way too many options outside of my friendships to deliberately go down this road.

Jason P said...

guys:mac n cheese as
girls:chocolate

Singlelif said...

Some. Chocolate does nothing for me.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Jeannette said...

LMAO! Bad cocoa makes me wanna stab somebody.

Earthangel172 said...

hahahaha! I hear ya.

Singlelif said...

See what I'm saying ? 

Singlelif said...

Bad cocoa means you will be talking to my voicemail for the rest of your life..

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