Friday, August 12, 2011

Why do women's tears freak men out? I asked some Bougie Bros...


It was hot. I was tired and cranky and any number of things were on my nerves. I had juggled writing books, writing articles, recruiting, BougieMom, and what seemed like a million little crises hopping up and down on my minute patience reserves all day. Plus I was hungry and hormonal. Terrible combination. 

**cue the dramatical music** I strolled into 3N's house wanting nothing more than to sit under the misters on the back patio with a cocktail. Peace and quiet, an adult beverage and some sort of chips and salsa option. That's all a bougie chick craved.

What greeted me was Poker Night. Eight guys, assorted whiskeys and someone had pulled out the humidor and was about to kick off the cigar game. 

"Oh, did I know it was Poker Night? Not that you have to tell me everything you're doing. I just thought. Never mind. My bad, I can go." I babbled with an inward sigh as I backed towards the garage door. So much for the misters.

3N hopped up, "Wait, it was a last minute thing, you don't have to go. You look... a little fried. You wanna hang out? You okay?"

"I'm fine." I answered still backing towards the door.

One of the poker players said, "Wait though, since you're here - can you fix snacks?" I won't even name which of the boys asked for snacks. Let's just say he's on. my. list.

Next thing I knew, I was boo-hooing and trying to leave. This caused all manner of bewildered panic to break out amongst the menfolk. Nor was I pleased. I never used to be a crier. Never. When all around me were reduced to blubbering idiocy, I remained stoic with an eyebrow raised. But one of the hormonal shifts after age 35 gifted me with this nonsense. Commercials, stress, The Notebook, frustration, bad dreams - all generate the water works. Usually, I can beat them back through sheer determination not to spend my life with pinkened eyes and puffy nose clutching a Kleenex like a damsel in distress. But for some reason, I was full scale bawling.

Utter dismay reigned supreme as the men began all getting up and speaking at once.
"Who the f**k asked for snacks?!"
"I was only joking. We brought our own food, really!"
"Oh my God, what's wrong - is she sick?"
"What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!"
"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you were supposed to do something."
"Michele, did he forget to do something?'
"What should we do?"
"Something, look at her, she's miserable."
"Put her to bed."
"Put her to bed? She's a grown azz woman, what are you talking about?"
"Then take her to bed? Is that better? You knew what I meant, damn!"
"Should we go?"
"God, I hate when women cry."
"At least she cries pretty. It's the ugly cry that rips your heart out."
"The silent cry when you can't tell they're crying until you see the tears?"
"That's the worst."
"Crying during sex is the worst."
"You made a women cry during sex?"
"Tears of joy, son - tears of joy. But you have to stop and ask."
"Can all of you shut the hell up for ten seconds?"
By this time, 3N was hustling me back to his room and was all urgent. "What is it, what's wrong? Did I do something? These guys could go. Talk to me. Or do you just want to stand here like this for a minute? I can shut up. I'll just hold you. Should I sing, rock back and forth, strip, run a bath, what's going to make you happy? Just give me a sign, a nudge, a head bop. You're scaring the shit out of me."

I started laughing that hiccupy half laugh, half cry. I had to. He was so panicky. "I'm sorry, long day. Hormones. You're fine. I'm fine. Stripping? For real though?"

He let out a deep sigh. "A brother was willing to try anything."

"Anything?"

"Within reason, woman. What's really going on with you?"

I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face - yes, the Lash-Blast Waterproof Mascara works! I walked back in, "It was a moment. I think I'm more tired than I realize. I'm really okay. Let me go holla at your boys. They've gone deathly silent in there." I walked back out to the living room. "Minor meltdown, fellas but we're all good. Sorry?" I flashed a smile.

They seemed to all exhale at once. So I had to ask, "You all got a little wigged. What is it about the tears?"
"Means I've done something wrong and chances are I don't know what."
"Tears mean something has to be fixed and I have to fix it."
"I don't want to see someone I care about in pain."
"Oh yeah, if a man walks out on a woman when she is crying, he gives not a single f**k about her."
"Unless she's a drama queen and cries all the damn time."
"An unhappy woman is never a good thing"
"I never know how to make the tears stop."
"Oh there's one way to make them stop"
"Do you always think with your d**k?"
"My grandmama says too much crying is followed by goodbyeing."
"What does that even mean?"
"You would know if you could but keep a woman for more than a weekend."
"Oooo."
I had to go before that turned ugly. "Okay fellas, I'm going to head out. Great seeing everybody. Sorry for the scare."

Brothers of the blogosphere - what's the deal with the tear freak out? Is it really that uncomfortable for you? (Because it's quadruple uncomfortable for us when you cry) Ladies, aren't we irritated by the women who fake cry to get what they want? Let's talk water works today. Who sheds them, when, why and how do we handle it. 

p.s. I hate hormones. 

189 comments:

gregisdumb.com said...

It mostly freaks men out for the fact that either:

a) We fugged up and we don't know what it is.

b) We did something grimey and got caught.

Hell, YOU could have done something wrong and start crying and it puts us on the defensive. When I caught my last ex cheating she started crying and I actually started feeling bad for catching her. Sometimes those tears have more power than sex.

sunt97 said...

Lol yes men are willing to go to the extreme to to stop you from crying. I do my best to hold them back but when I do it's a silent cry and they think I have stopped breathing which causes more panic.

Peace, Love and Chocolate,
Tiffany

Dawnsummers3000 said...

Okay, maybe it's just me...but i'm a woman and ALL tears freak me out! I had a female co-worker who fucked up an assignment and started bawling and trying to hug me... I damn near took a header from the 12th floor window. My nephew is four months old, he cries, I hand him immediately back to his mama. Let's not even talk about when dudes cry in front of me.... I know that's supposed to be "touching" and show their "sensitive side," but I just want to slowly back away until I can break into a full on sprint away! I empathize with the boys in this story...

-dawn Summers

Tonda Williams said...

This post is EVERY.SINGLE.THING for a couple of reasons:
1. I experienced a similar meltdown YESTERDAY. Exhausted, not feeling the best,  extra-long work hours and 2 nephews that have decided that getting arrested should be the "New Bouge" *sigh*2. 3N and the fellas?  I LOVE THEM...Imma start traveling to Dallas just so I can laugh....3. I'm relieved to know I'm NOT alone in this ridiculous stage of life4. The ENTIRE story has me laughing SO hard that I'm crying again......I can't WAIT to check back later for the fellas comments....Chele-woo woo woo; woo woo woo.....Exhale, HUGE hug from Georgia and let's make today Bougieful!

The Husky Bro said...

Women's Tears are one of y'all's superpowers.  It makes us men start thinking, usually over-thinking, all kinds of ish,; the power to discombulate the minds of men.  

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I only cry when I'm either super depressed or very angry. So if you see tears then something is very, very wrong.

I don't assume women who cry more frequently as being uniquely manipulative, probably because I've seen manipulative women get what they want using other means. I hate my own tears more than any one else's because I always thought that it made me weak, and I hated feeling like that.

I think guys hate crying because they don't know how to fix what's wrong. And since they're socialized not to have that in their emotional toolkit, they don't know that sometimes it's just an emotional release & not a level 10 alert that they are wrongy mcwrongertons who need to be read the riot act.

Tonda Williams said...

bwahahahahaha! Imma fight you if you REALLY started to feel bad for catching your ex cheat just because she started CRYING?  

Jubilance said...

Whenever I feel any emotion very strongly, I manifest it as tears. So whether I'm heartbroken, depressed, or so angry I wanna put a hole in the wall, it all looks the same - tears. It's SO frustrating to be highly pissed off at a guy but then you start crying & he goes into "oh let me try to console her & treat her like a delicate damsel" mode. I.HATE.THAT. I really wish that my emotions didn't come out as tears but I doubt that will ever change about me.

I got $5 that Mr. Can We Get Some Snacks is no other than our favorite Bougie Bachelor, Trey. I swear, I think yall need to have an intervention with him or something.

BTW, Chele you & 3N are just too cute! *sigh* One day...

The Husky Bro said...

I understand what he's saying.  Them damn tears clouds your mind and throw you off your game and you want to make things right.  "Come here, baby...yeah, I gots you, it's gone be alright, now, Saffron, yeah.  You want some snickerdoodles, they soft when they in your hands and in your mouf"

Tonda Williams said...

*Le Huge Damn Sigh*  *SMDH*  LAWD a MERCY...

The Husky Bro said...

and then, two days later, you remember, "WTF? I was supposed to kick her ass out!"

Ms. LTB said...

Oh wow. Talking about confirmation.  I thought I was just going nuts because usually only extreme anger makes me cry.  I had a emotional meltdown last night after juggling God knows how much foolishness. Came home to a freshly cut yard (my uncles love me) and a thank you card in the mail (a decidedly cold thank you card and the person that sent it is part of the foolishness) and somehow the combo was enough at the end of an already exhausting day to send me over the edge.  I hate crying and usually do not (I think you need to drop the age down to after 30 because I haven't made 35 yet and the things that bring on the tears have already started increasing.  I'm tearing up at movies, commercials, books, OMG you're telling me it gets worse so that means I'm turning into my older female relatives but I digress) but I must admit that the cry combined with a nice dark room and my bed did make me feel better.  It fixed nada but somehow relieved the stress.  Kudos to 3N for being willing to do whatever to make you happy again.

CorettaJG said...

I generally am not a crier in relationships, but I can get gotten by a movie or some deep war documentary with epic soaring music.  Just watched "Rebirth" at work, a documentary about the aftermath of 9/11 on families over 9 years, that had me sniffing some back.

However, being tired, sleep deprived, stressed or furious can definitely do it.  Your armor isn't properly up in that state.  I'd rather folks just let me keep talking through it or take my moment.

I'm too thrilled to be crying today though.  It's already been a good day for my side hustle!

gregisdumb.com said...

LMAO that's damn near what happened tho. It completely threw me off my square. I had all her stuff next to the door and I was ready to boot her until the tears. Her stuff stayed next to the door for a good 72 hours before she left. 

blackprofessor said...

Jubilance, you and I are here, lol!  I was also like "Trey probably asked for the snacks."  That doesn't sound like Jay.  If it wasn't you Trey, my bad.

blackprofessor said...

I actually don't mind tears, mine or a man.  I was watching the Joy Luck Club last week and started crying when one of the main characters met her twin sisters in China.  I had an ex who broke down in front of me and it was the most endearing moment of our relationship.  I felt honored that he felt comfortable going there with me.

I think men lose their composure in the face of tears because they feel helpless and don't know what to do instead of accepting it is a part of life. 

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

You know what? I told a tale in my earlier comment. I do cry at movies. It's like all my emotions get buried until I'm in front of the silver screen. I didn't shed a tear when my mom was hospitalized a few years ago ( she's fine now). But during Benjamin buttons, or when Jurassic died? Waterworks. Maybe I need the emotional distance in order to let loose.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

^Jurassic should be mufasa. Dang typo & faulty autocorrect

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

Men live to fix stuff. Even Dudes like me who are fairly uncomfortable with Tools, live to fix stuff you don't need tools for. 

If I care about you and You come to me exhibiting some kind of  Meh-ness, My foremost priority is to do what I can to solve it. 

Some men are more adept at handling these things than others, hence some mens feeling that a good "screwdriver" is the cure to all emotional outbursts...


Regardless, I will suggest that if you come to my house and exhibit some hyper emotional behavior, I am almost OBLIGATED to show Hyper emotional behavior in return in an effort to help, even if that counter-acting emotional behavior is demonstrated in calm and reasoned tones. 


As for 3N 's co-horts...they were just in the way.  Collateral Damage if you will.  they got Shock and Awed...as it were

maureen said...

Like my mama used to say "crying" is my middle  name. I cry easily, I will think of something that happened eons ago that made me sad and breaks into a cry. HOw about this, I cry in the shower if I'm going through a lot; blame the red eyes on the shower.  *guily as charged*

I love the guys repsonse.

gregisdumb.com said...

Also what he said. Men just have to fix things. Even if it's something we broke in the first place. 

Jason P said...

Father in heaven, I'll take anything but the tears. Like someone said below, it's like a woman's superpower that renders normally sane strong men in helpless beings. We have to know 1) What Caused It 2) Can we fix it 3) And how to make it never happen again

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

it probably has been said already, and will be said again...

if i ever see a girl crying, 14 times outta 10 it means i did something wrong, so i gotta fix it...

MsJamie14 said...

The menfolks reaction was sooo hilarious...("is she sick?" LMAO).

I liken myself to a robot at times, so often I'd rather disintegrate then actually have anyone see me cry. But I have noticed I do cry more as I've gotten older, usually when frustrated.

A lot of us women are so used to doing it all on our own, we don't have time or room for tears. I have noticed when you find someone to help give you a shoulder and help you carry the weight of the world, it's easier to let it all go and cry.

I'm happy for you.

I Am Me said...

I grew up in a house full of females so I'm not as freaked about the crying thing as I could be. But it still triggers a "what can I do to help?" response. It's what men do.

GrownAzzMan said...

It is in our DNA to fix things. We are also big on harmony at the Ponderossa. Crying woman=failure

Leon X said...

An embrace and the words "Whatever it is, it'll be alright" go a long way.

GrownAzzMan said...

*Fist Bump*

SouthernWes said...

Cannot believe you got most of that word for word. *jots down reminder to watch tongue around super blogger*
Chele, you are usually the most even-tempered person in the room so when you weren't and then your boy freaked out - we all lost it a little. Tears beget helpless panic followed by the thoughts what did I do, who do I need to punch, tell me how to make it stop.

OneChele said...

That damn Mufasa! Gets me every time.

Lady4Real said...

"who do I need to punch?" With three older brothers, one little brother, two sons and a hubby who is also my best friend I am used to this response.

Cocoa Winston said...

Yes - the shower cry. Perfect way to get around all of the "what is wrong, baby" questions. Sometimes you just have to weep it out.

Natasha Hunter said...

Joy Luck Club is my isht!  "My daughter has no spirit because I had none left to give her... and when she calls out  for me I will be waiting like a tiger in the tree"  "The hairs are very short...Ummm, short hairs not so good"

yeah... might have to dig that out this weekend.

GrownAzzMan said...

"who do I need to punch, tell me how to make it stop?"

Unfortunate Real Man response to almost anything we can't fix. Why do you think there are wars.

Cocoa Winston said...

Following the UGA guys here and on Twitter, I almost know who said which line. HA!

Natasha Hunter said...

LOL!  Aww, she really was sorry! *sarcasm*  A real playa would've been slowly putting isht back... first the umbrella, then a scarf, maybe the hair dryer... LOL

md_KG said...

You and I are so here on all this.

JaymeC said...

I've known you for seven years, seen you go through break-ups, health scares, family drama, victories and defeats and I've never seen a single tear. I would have freaked out too.

Page Bartlett said...

Cracking up at the guy's reactions - "My grandmama says too much crying is followed by goodbyeing." What?

I'm not really a crier- too much energy and drama.

MsKaos208 said...

I was never the crier...movies, stress, anger whatever and I was always cool as a cucumber on the outside.  There might be something to that 35+ hormonal thing because I've cried more in the last year or so than EVER!! Since I'm not emotional--not crying, at least--when I break down, the Hubs has no idea what to do!!  Mix hormones and job stress and here comes the monsoon! Last year, I def think the Hubs was THIS close to going to my job and having a serious 1-on-1 with my boss if I came home and had one more meltdown!  I left the job before he ended up in jail for "fixing" the problem!  

He hasn't offered to strip for me though...that might make everything better ;-)

datdudeincali said...

My ex was a drama queen, after a while the tears meant nothing. But my daughter is a stoic little something, so when she cries, I'm ready to dust off the red cape and save the world.

maureen palmer said...

"Unfortunate Real Man response to almost anything we can't fix. Why do you think there are wars." <---- post 2016 a female for president.

Grace said...

Right?! I wondered if I was the only one who noticed the stripping offer?
kudos to 3N for being willing to go above and beyond the call of duty
Next time, Chele - let him strip and film it... and remember sharing is caring
Some of us are on the wistful longing side of the thirsty scale :)

Lady4Real said...

I figure Trey too since one comment was "You would know if you could but keep a woman for more than a weekend."
Po' Trey just can't catch a break.

Lady4Real said...

I must say this post had me laughing my head off. I want Bougieland to become a sitcom, so many stories acted out would be great t.v.

thinklikeRiley said...

"You made a women cry during sex?"

"Tears of joy, son - tears of joy. But you have to stop and ask."


Imma need Trizzie and J-Boogie to take a bow for dat right dere.
But while I wait, lemme light some vanilla incense and drop some Marley on BougieLand
Sing along "No Woman No Cry"

http://youtu.be/jGqrvn3q1oo

Violet Rose said...

Lights Pier One candles and sings along...

Violet Rose said...

That would be awesomeness

Violet Rose said...

Aw...

gregisdumb.com said...

Oh not me...A real G ain't going out like that. You can stay until you stop crying, then you gotta go lol.

md_KG said...

DEAD at "sharing is caring"....LMAO!!! Y'all kill me here in BougieLand.
 

Violet Rose said...

My favorite:
"Put her to bed."

"Put her to bed? She's a grown azz woman, what are you talking about?"

"Then take her to bed? Is that better? You knew what I meant, damn!"

Violet Rose said...

The rock back and forth thing helps for some weird reason.

SingLikeSassy said...

OMG! I used to wonder if I had tear ducts! It was a badge of pride for me that I didn't cry. Now, I cry ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. Shoot, I was crying about something the other day and teared up about thinking about it again last night. Sigh. *sniffles, hugs Bougieland tight*

Violet Rose said...

There's a line. Some tears good, others bad. I dated a guy who cried a lot. I mean... a lot. The first few times it really moved me. I thought look at how in touch with his feelings he is. But when ninja started crying over running out of toothpaste (no, I'm not joking) I had to press pause. No sir. Your hormones cannot be messier than mine. Get thee gone.

Angela said...

Last year I went from Red Oak to Weeping Willow. I couldn't stand myself. Thankfully this year I'm at least more balanced. As always, thanks for sharing. I love the Bougie crew!

E Morris said...

that is oh so true

MichelleG said...

I  used to suffer from tear up itis & it would piss me off because I would be ready to throw blows & NOW you want to ask what's wrong?  Since I hit 40 & my don'tgivadarn has kicked in so the tears are usually a sign of extreme mushiness, sadness or a warning that Davida is about to go HULK  on ya so quit.right.now.

I also have ZERO patience for the tears of manipulation & have started to teach my men friends how to tell the difference. Ask the (former friend now) acquaintance who was stunned silent at my nonreaction (like a bad kid getting their first whopping ever). Mouth open for the longest 10 seconds of her life. She's been getting away with it for so long she could not compute. I let her keep pondering as I excused myself to play the worlds tiniest violin.

#nocountryfordramaqueens

Sarah said...

A big hug to you, Chele, and a swift kick in the pants to Whomever it was that ask about snacks.

I cry less than I used to. Somewhere along the way, I learned how to ride the waves. It isn't new news, but there is an epidemic of doing-to-much-ness and it wrecks havoc on women in their middle years. I was probably around your age when I decided a rearrangement of priorities was in order. For one thing, I only go without sleep if it is something akin to a national emergency. I can tell when I'm starting to feel off balance and it is time for a quiet moment or two. I suspect that last night (or whenever this was) you were feeling like you needed some comfort from your sweetie and when it wasn't there well... There is no shame it that for either of you. Others can't read our minds and sometimes we don't even know what's up. I hope you are feeling better today.

thinking that... said...

oh my lawd!  i had to stop for a minute after the first exchange between the fellas...that right there was hilarious.  "put her to bed."  "put her to bed?  she a grown azz woman, what are you talking about."  ...LOLOLOL.... i so enjoy your stories....

Trey Charles said...

*pokes head in*
I was JOKING about the snacks!
*slams door behind him*

md_KG said...

Chele, thanks for allowing so many of us to live through and laugh at your experiences in these posts. This was sooo hilarious.

As most of BougieLand has said, the tears just renders the guys helpless and that's a feeling that's so foreign and uncomfortable for them. Even when talking about problems with male friends, they are always chomping at the bit to do Mr. Fix-It. I'm like "no, I'm just talking stuff through with you. I don't necessarily want a fix right now and it might not be able to be fixed!"

P.S: You and 3N are too cute. Major points to him for offering all those options. The "sing, rock back and forth" offer was just as funny as the "strip" offer...LOL.

The Husky Bro said...

half the time, wars are over women.  

Jubilance said...

We gon work on you...cause you need some help.

Jubilance said...

LOl @ sharing is caring...

Jubilance said...

Poor nothing! We saw from his last Bougie Bachelor post that he just don't know how to act...

blackprofessor said...

I knew it was you!

Trey Charles said...

Man listen...

Wanyanak said...

I am sorry but this is soooo funny to me! Over running our of toothpaste doe? Really?

Trey Charles said...

My man. Vanilla incense tho?

Trey Charles said...

"snickerdoodles"
I'm done.

CaliGirlED said...

Ditto all of this!

Trey Charles said...

*Slides $5 to Jubi on way out the door*

Trey Charles said...

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.

Wanyanak said...

*out not our... arrgh!

Aishaoaktree1122 said...

taking a guess that snack guy was...Trey?
I was laughing so hard that even through your tears you could still hear and remember all that was said!!!

I cried once when after working a double shift as a waitress, my wallet with my 220 plus my brand new ipod was stolen from the bathroom, to say the least I was pissed, but the tears came first, it was funny to see the big dudes who were my friends threaten to beat up whoever stole the money, never did get the money back but i did find out who my best guy friends were.

I hate sad or emotional movies because I do tear up even if I have seen it a thousand times, I still cry, the last time was Harry Potter when a hated character's story was finally told and it was just so sad, yeah I cried. So I mute the commercials, change the channel on emotional movies, but sometimes you need to throw on the sad song and get a good cry on otherwise you'll be inline at the bank for 20 mins and start bawling for no reason.

Somehow i think it's worse when men cry, I think I have only seen my father cry three in my whole life, the first time he realized my Grandmere was no longer all there, she no longer recognized him, out of all of them he was the last one she forgot and it just broke his heart, because he was a Momma's boy, he loved her deeply and would do anything for her, but this he couldn't fix, the second time when his mother passed and another when his sister was in the hospital.

Aishaoaktree1122 said...

i guessed it was you without even reading the comments!! 

MsJamie14 said...

You need an intervention!  Just spiraling out of control! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

"Tell me if you're crying about something I should worry about"...LOL!!!

Earthangel172 said...

So did I! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

In the words of a shallow ex of mine, "Pu**y kills"!

Earthangel172 said...

A good cry never hurt anyone but I do despise women who turn on the water works for any and everything. I can certainly relate to being a tad bit emotional after a stressful day. It happens to the best of us Chele. At least 3N was quick to react.  #completegentleman

CaliGirlED said...

My best friend asked me, "Do you at least cry when you're alone"? Because she can't recall seeing me cry. SMH

CaliGirlED said...

Girl that strip offer took me right out of my,"Awww", into a straight out laugh!!!

CaliGirlED said...

In the words of Chele, "Ma'am"! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

That daddy's little girl than ain't no joke!

CaliGirlED said...

*lifts up tropical drink*

CaliGirlED said...

"No sir. Your hormones cannot be messier than mine." LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

But why is it that we all knew it was you! Trey, my play cousin, you've got to do better! SMH

GuessImJay said...

I was told to never, ever, ever talk about what went down after you left. Let's just say when a woman appears upset, men like to assign blame and if there's none to be assigned, we start pointing fingers any damn way. Things got said, tempers flared and minor boxing with an attempted slapfight followed. All of this to say:

No more crying at Poker Night!

MichelleG said...

Trey - I'm on your side. Please take notes when Riley speaks and ask questions in private.

Only1DivaC said...

Now see that's what's wrong with you maybe if you wasn't so focused on those doggone snacks you could get your incense on.

Only1DivaC said...

Girl, take it from me now it isnt. Warren G (yes, regulators mount up) would swim Lake Erie and back for all his girls.

GuessImJay said...

What part of the game...

GuessImJay said...

J-Boogie likes.

Silk! said...

I knew too.... Not naming names, but someone is clearly playing the "sidekick to the male lead" role as if it were a Marcy Carsey production.

OneChele said...

Um, um, um. I think I can make that promise.

CaliGirlED said...

This whole night is scene worthy!

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you were supposed to do something."

"Michele, did he forget to do something?'

"What should we do?"
*hollers*...But I love how they turned on their own boy in your defense! LMAO!!!

"Put her to bed."

"Put her to bed? She's a grown azz woman, what are you talking about?"

"Then take her to bed? Is that better? You knew what I meant, damn!"...Trey again?

"What is it, what's wrong? Did I do something? These guys could go. Talk
to me. Or do you just want to stand here like this for a minute? I can
shut up. I'll just hold you. Should I sing, rock back and forth, strip,
run a bath, what's going to make you happy? Just give me a sign, a
nudge, a head bop. You're scaring the shit out of me."...ALL.OF.THIS!!! (3N those cousins are not ready yet?!!)

Strip though? Bwahahahaha!!! I love it!

Only1DivaC said...

Jesus please help this man

NY2VA said...

I am an unapologetic crier, but only when the tears are tied to positive emotions.  Tears of joy and laughter... tears because I'm touched by a warm gesture or festive occasion... yeah, I will let the tears flow and not have a half a gram of a damn to give.  However, I don't do the sad, hurt feelings, or angry crying.  I suck it up and keep a straight face.  I may raise my voice, but if the tears come, that means I've lost control, which makes me even angrier because I'm too gaht damn cool to lose control.  I hate a blubbering heaux, so if I feel that I have been reduced to a blubbering heaux, there will definitely be hell to pay.

SingLikeSassy said...

*snicker*

The Bunni said...

My girlz and I were talking about this the other day.  I use to NEVER cry, but after I find myself tearing up over EVERYTHING!!  Movies, commercials, stress, sadness, happiness....sigh....I digust myself.  lol

William Martin said...

This was my thought - Wonder Woman in tears?
Noooo!

Jeannette said...

What u know 'bout Lake Erie?

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

*shakes head* Trey......

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"I only cry when I'm either super depressed or very angry. So if you see tears then something is very, very wrong."

So me. Although there hasn't been any tears since I started treatment for depression, but do NOT piss me off. You see tears and a clenched jaw? Run.

CaliGirlED said...

I can't stand fake ass phony ass manipulative ass tears! I gives a damn if it's from a woman or a man! I take tears seriously. You give me unreal tears, I'm done with you!

I have unfortunately mastered the art of holding in my emotions and feelings...that is all.

Mykeia said...

The spouse hates to see me cry because he knows that something is wrong and it's rare that I can't talk out my feelings.  Crying for me means, uh-oh.
I know that I am going to love the comments today.
Happy Friday all!

Michele said...

Back in the day I would rather rip out my eyeballs than cry.  Nowadays? Tears flow freely.  Not usually sad tears, but happy ones.  Sometimes over commercials.  **shrugs**

bkbisous said...

Growing up, I cried at the drop of a hat. My mom chastised me more for crying more than any behavioral issue.

It wasn't until I realized that my father was ridiculously hair-triggered crier that I understood why it annoyed her so much. Because of it, now I only cry out of loss, anger, or stress. Fake tears move me none, and I wish more people would learn to spot them.

C Nelson said...

I do not cry often. But when I do, it drives almost every man in my life absolutely nuts, because I cannot cry and talk at the same time, so I can't explain. Correct response is a hug, some quiet time, and not fluttering around me demanding to know what's wrong -- I can't tell you till I'm calm, and not being able to explain just makes me cry harder because I feel pressured. Since only one man I've ever known has gotten that response right, the times when I do cry are epic. Luckily, that's once every five years or so.

And, erm, I can't stand women who turn on the tears at the slightest provocation. If you're not bleeding, you're not sick, you didn't just break up, your dog and your cat and your children are still alive and healthy, and you're not pregnant, what are you sobbing for? My store of sympathy, it is well-nigh non-existent for that, so if you're always crying on my shoulder, I'm going to buy you a teddy bear and give you time to pull yourself together. Indefinite amounts of time, even. See you next year.

E Morris said...

I knew it sorry Trey...

Linnon said...

It's all been said.  We need to fix!  We freak out because we don't want you to be in pain, and it also can make us feel helpless.

I'm not much of a crier.  When my daughter (world's biggest daddy's girl) was in the hospital sick (she's fine now), there was no worse feeling in the world, for me, than not being able to [physically] do something.  We [men] hate that feeling.

Within the last year she said to me "Daddy, cry for me."
*ruh roh*  "What?!?!  What do you mean 'cry for me?'"
"I've only seen you cry one time...when you were up there preaching *she meant talking* at Grandma's funeral"
"Well, Sweet Pea, there is nothing wrong with crying, but I don't cry much, and I can't just make myself cry"
"Oh, OK."

BlackButterfly said...

Hilarious!!! This had me in tears. 

I am the happy or laughing tears are okay in public crier.  I would rather eat glass than than let someone know they hurt me by crying in front of them. Sad but true.  In a relationship if the SO sees tears from me and our relationship is the cause then I have reached my limit.  I'm "the communicator" which means I have talked about what I am not feelin' about whatever is happening so if they see tears it's a done deal.

Natasha Hunter said...

Ok, so this one time I was dating this guy and he gave me some flowers that I later found out were intended for another chick.... How 'bout when I confronted him about the isht,  he did this ol' New Edition  style breakdown to his knees and was making all these heavy breathin', head shakin', shoulder jerkin' movements talkin' bout  "I'm so sorry, forgive me, I'm so sorry... PLEASE!"  Girl this knee-gro (ha!)  lifted his big ass head and weren't nary a tear in sight!?! And he had these big ole K-Ci' & Jo-jo bubble eyes, I wanted to kick him dead in them!!! 
 
So I'm witcha... save all that whimpering for talking to  baby seals!

CaliGirlED said...

"Is This The End?", New Edition...I sure hope that was it for him!

CaliGirlED said...

"I am the happy or laughing tears are okay in public crier.  I would
rather eat glass than than let someone know they hurt me by crying in
front of them. Sad but true."...Tis me!

Pure Choco said...

This whole story is giving me life! Should I sing, rock back and forth, strip, run a bath, what's going to
make you happy? Just give me a sign, a nudge, a head bop. You're scaring
the shit out of me."

PRICELESS!

The Bunni said...

Timing sweetie.....  You should have know by her face, tone, etc. that it wasn't the right time for jokes.

Andrea M said...

I ont know... this story seems kinda sexy to me. You and eight guys willing to do anything to make you happy?
**crickets**
Just me? Wrong blog? Never mind then.
**tip toes out**

The Bunni said...

I cried at the same point in Harry Potter both when reading the book and watching the movie...

AndreaPlaid said...

O_O

Well, I can't even be that surprised at the statement. Exhibit A: Helen of Troy.

Joy Andrews said...

O__O

Natasha Hunter said...

Fo' sho.

AndreaPlaid said...

Maaaaaaan...that's why you need to stick to Flash Fork Wannabe Rappers.

Joy Andrews said...

I had this one dude who was always uberemo with his. Falling out on the floor with the dry-eyed weeping on some old Keith Sweatt style begging. Flung himself at the locked and bolted front door talmbout "Baby please!"
Hell directly to the no.

Sueboney1125 said...

LOL!! I soooo needed this laugh today.  I find that I cry a lot more now in my fabulous 40's than I did before, but it's more sentimental (puppies, weddings, servicepeople coming home, etc.)  Anything outside of that, if you see tears, I'm taking off my earrings at the same time LOL!

C Nelson said...

It helps you regulate your breath and heart rate, and once those are under control, you can't help but be calmer. Plus, it mimics the motion of a baby in the womb when Mom walks around. It doesn't get more soothing than that.

CaliGirlED said...

*falls out* LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Exhibit B: Delilah (Sampson)

GrownAzzMan said...

*Fist bump* from fathers of daughter everywhere...

CaliGirlED said...

"Hell directly to the no"!!! DEAD

Lady4Real said...

my youngest gets chastised more for crying that any behaviral issue, since I married my husband he has gotten better at only crying when it is needed; hurt body parts, loss of a loved thing or loved one and sometimes the boy has a bad day and just cries. I'm just glad he has eased up on the crying game, it was driving me nuts

GrownAzzMan said...

"Pours a little Mount Gay rum on the ground"

Only1DivaC said...

Girl, my kinfolk up there.

GrownAzzMan said...

Is.This

bashowell said...

Whew I needed that laugh.  Lmao!  I'm not a cryer at all.  It's pointless.  Last time I cried was two years ago and people are STILL side-eyeing me on that one.

Jubilance said...

You on Bougie Time Out for that one...

Lady4Real said...

I think I get my crying ways from my dad, my mom is always pretty stoic. In fact on special occasions my goal is to make him cry, happy tears of course. The three of us always aim to see if we can bring on the happy tears for Daddy, it touches our hearts.

bkbisous said...

Ditto on not giving anyone the satisfaction of seeing you cry. 

Nowadays, my tears happen only in the privacy of my own home.

Singlelif said...

This.right.here !!  I'll add, if the SO makes me cry a single tear...he will cry buckets.  I always warn that by the time I cry, he should already know I've tried and done all I can to express myself to him..so if I cry, It's a wrap....#Deuces

Lady4Real said...

I repeat, Poor Trey, Po' 'Po Trey.

Singlelif said...

Me too ! I am the first one to tell people that they should not let others control their emotions..so if I do cry, it's "on like Donkey Kong".

Singlelif said...

Jesus take the wheel...

Lady4Real said...

Signs of a real Dad, make my daughter cry and the whole world stops and nothing matters but stopping the tears, Malcolm X style...by any means neccessary. That's how my Dad is and I'm 28.

MsJamie14 said...

A room full of 30+ year old men slapfighting.
iCANT! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GuessImJay said...

When is Andrea coming to visit?

Sweet N Tart said...

I'm trying to catch up on The Bouge and keep getting stopped in my tracks in wonderment. Your life, Chele... your life! Only you can make a 15 minute crying jag into the goodness that is this post!

Sweet N Tart said...

Facing the corner!

Sweet N Tart said...

How bad is it that when you said Keith Sweatt style begging I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about!

Sweet N Tart said...

I will start the bidding at $50 to hear the whole story.

Sweet N Tart said...

Oh Trizzie...

Sweet N Tart said...

Love this.

Sweet N Tart said...

So damn true!

Sweet N Tart said...

Yeah you do

Sweet N Tart said...

Love this comment!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

Andrea, you.crack.me.up!

Sweet N Tart said...

Do you all really call her Wonder Woman?

Bryan Anthony said...

We see you.

Bryan Anthony said...

I don't EVEN want to talk about it.

Bryan Anthony said...

Why do I see a Falcons Jersey with J-Boogie on the back in the near future?

Bryan Anthony said...

#shotsfired

Bryan Anthony said...

We really do. Mostly cuz it irritates her.

Bryan Anthony said...

BWAHAHA!!!

Bailey said...

I'm way too invested in your life. Just spent much time in the Twitter archives. So it was @DavidLChase , @AnotherWord43 , @GuessImJay , OwenCinDallas , @SouthernWes , @AllBizBry , @JohnKinPDX and the other Georgia guy who is not on Twitter - I will need a group picture now. Please and thanks...

GuessImJay said...

Wow. Other's guy's name is Shawn so you can all the info.

JohnKinPDX said...

I don't know whether to be flattered, impressed or terrified, sis...

JohnKinPDX said...

Ever.

JohnKinPDX said...

Dude, really?

CaliGirlED said...

Now that would be a nice picture!

CaliGirlED said...

Consistent!

Angel Blanca said...

Who said, "I don't want to see someone I care about in pain."?  Are you single?  Wanna chat more? ;)

I'm seriously going to make sure than any future relationship is vetted by the Bougie Bros, because y'all are awesome, and provide some really great insights.

I'm a softie, so I can cry easily, but it's not really something I can control (I've tried, Lawd knows I've tried), and anyone who can do so on command is suspect (manipulative much?).  Luckily, though, I've not cried in over a year, and that was because of
the realization that the person with whom I was involved was perfect for
me in every way, or so I thought, but no chemistry (it would have been so much easier if
there had been).

One of key reasons I despise those who fake cry to get what they want is that it becomes obvious over time that the other party has been duped, which makes the other party less open to expressions of real emotion in others.  In other words, it makes me suspect when I do express emotions.  Not only that, but fake criers don't help those with whom they're in relationships develop appropriate communication and empathy skills, which makes it more challenging for those they come into relationship with next.  The person involved with the fake crier tends to throw things at the fake crier to get the tears to stop, which is often the very opposite of what the real crier needs/wants. 

Angel Blanca said...

I now have water all over my computer.  I need to remember not to eat or drink while in BougieLand.  Good thing I've not poured my wine yet!

tiffanyinhouston said...

I got me in a good ugly as cry last Friday night...that's all I'ma say about that.

I love BougieLand so much, ya'll have given life with these comments!

CaliGirlED said...

$100 here.

Brenda Kay said...

Seeing how I won the 50/50 jackpot from my parents Eastern Star function over the weekend, I'll raise the bid by a $100.00 :-)

Brenda Kay said...

You too huh? 

Brenda Kay said...

And how did the WHOLE of Bougieland know it was Trey who made the comment about snacks? 
:-l

GammasWorld said...

Oh po baby.  Those hormones are no.joke.  I knew my hormones had gone wacko when the "Cotton - Fabric of Our Lives" commercials first came out (pre celebs).  That slow version with the imagery of the kids and the women in everyday situations, that slow version of "the touch, the feel of cotton, the fabric of our lives" - had me boo-hooing before work big time.   I remember vividly getting to work and telling my BFF that was the most beautiful commercial I've ever seen and tearing up.  I am 10 years older than her so she couldn't understand - at first.  When her hormones starting going crazy, she called me and said I totally understand your reaction to the cotton commercial now.   All I could say was hmm hmmm - told you.   Next you'll be cussing folk out and then breaking out in tears afterwards.  Trust me. 

AndreaPlaid said...

::slams door open::

(yells) We need to lay some holy hands on you!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! Not "the touch, the feel of cotton the fabric of our lives"!...Laughing with you though, because I do feel more mushy over stuff now than I used to. Only I don't cry, I hold it in! One day I am going to let loose and God help the folks who are around me! LOL

AndreaPlaid said...

::offers paper towels::

My bad, Angel Blanca.

Mykeia said...

Girl stop!  Dead from laughter!

GammasWorld said...

Girl it tore me up! LOL  It took me a few viewings to be able to watch it without crying.   

sol_dier said...

Former Ice Queen here. Now I cry when I'm angry or exhausted.
My city has been burning this week and the clean up work has left me exhausted. BougieLand has been my  release so far, so the tears are at bay.

Constance Burris said...

Ah man.... Them is nice brotheres right there.  Yep.  I used to be stoic to.  I was known as the evil sisters, but I was crying while I was watching Sue marry herself on Glee.  tsk..tsk...  Experiences make you hard and make you soft.

CorettaJG said...

I think you're right. One of the most interesting experiences for me was when my ex and I were going through our divorce and he reached me on a day when I was tired of arguing and was just . . . tired.  I spoke to him on the phone quietly with burgeoning tears and then just went to bed.  Next thing I know, he is in the house asking me if I was okay and "checking on me."  

Wambuig said...

Haha wow am def not a cryer BUT when I do, I make up for the many times I should have but never did lol. Like this one time 4yrs ago when I broke up with some dude and I had just sent him an email ending it. The finality of it and the realization that there was no going back on that decision just opened the flood gates LMAO and my manager (very cool white dude) looked like he was going to cry too lol sent me home at 10:00 AM. Well needless to say this was the only guy that's seen me cry since I was in 6th grade! Yes I have this thing can't let a guy see me cry call me crazy but I can't explain it...

Cassie said...

"Who the f**k asked for snacks?!" BWAHAHA! I'm done. Too funny.
I had (notice the past tense) a girlfriend who used to turn her tears on and off to get what she wanted and it drove me crazy. I, on the other hand, am a serial Weeping McWeeperson. The wind blows the wrong way and I'm moved to tears. My ex freaked out at first and then got to the point where he was like "Tell me if you're crying about something I should worry about"

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