@CarolynEdgar and I were discussing this phenomenon a few days back on Twitter. The Got-A-Man/Gained-Some-Weight (GAMGSW) Struggle is real. It's equivalent to the Freshman 10 (15? 20?) and harder to take off because um... none of us are college freshmen anymore. 3N and I have been seeing each other for about six months now and more than a few things have changed.
While in Jamaica, I was shimmying into last year's bathing suit. It fit and looked cute but I was definitively curvier. Let's just say my cups were overflowing. I had a moment in the mirror when I wondered whose thighs had jumped onto my body. No bueno.
When you first start dating, it's all long dinners and wine and desserts. And I had to be all dazzling with the kitchen creations. Plus he has a habit of buying gourmet cupcakes. Next thing you know, it's evenings on couch full of shrimp fettuccine and red velvet cupcakes. So this is totally his fault.
Okay, maybe not. The combination of having someone who already likes what he sees, eating becoming a a romantic ritual and me walking past the treadmill as if it doesn't exist has led directly to this struggle realization moment. And with my metabolism? If I don't nip it in the bud now, those dark wash skinny jeans for fall will be a major health hazard.
Okay, maybe not. The combination of having someone who already likes what he sees, eating becoming a a romantic ritual and me walking past the treadmill as if it doesn't exist has led directly to this struggle realization moment. And with my metabolism? If I don't nip it in the bud now, those dark wash skinny jeans for fall will be a major health hazard.
Mind you, he still manages to work out four times a week. In fact, he is probably looking even better now than when we met (insert laser beam side-eye here). That just won't do. I (in my sad defense) was on deadline and juggling the HR consulting gigs and it made more sense to get in an extra hour of work instead of working out. Well, things have got to change. I've got to keep my cute. And I can't afford to buy all new clothes. Guess I'll lose the weight. Le Sigh. Prepare for Michele's I'm-on-the-treadmill-eating-salad posts.
Who knows my struggle?
72 comments:
I am gonna just ignore the fact that men gain weight during this period and their parents talk about how happy they are.
Oh if women could exist in a sphere were their weight could fluctuate a bit without all hell breaking loose.
Oh, I know that struggle all to well. Honey, it doesn't get any better when you married either. Talk about super duper comfort zone. At least you realize it and plan to make a change. Go girl!
Whose knows your struggle? *points both thumbs at chest* this one!!! And ive gone past the point of just being 'curvier' - I need new clothes. What makes it worse is the fact that I'm black girl skinny & no one takes my weight loss goals seriously because they think extra weight will 'get me right' (side note: I give a laser beam side eye to girls who get curves in the alleged right places) No ma'am!!! Above a size 6 is to bigg for my shape.
Of course, my beau loses weight when he stops working out, and works out like crazy. So I'm the only one getting bigger. And these crazy working hours don't help. I just need to chain myself to an elliptical machine.
I know your struggle Chele. I'm 2.5 years into a relationship.1.5 of those years have been long distance. So, when see each other, its all "nice long romantic dinners, sweet treats, and the only physical activity goin down is cocoa drinkin'.
The only redeeming factor about this extra 15 lbs I have courtesy of our relationship is that he hasn't had time to work out either, and has gained weight as well. So, for health reasons, we'ce both recently begun prioritizing non- cocoa exercise.
Thank you for keeping it real!
I know your struggle, ma'am. I'm four months in and about 7-10 lbs heavier. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I joined the gym last Friday. I will not and can't afford a new wardrobe.
So true that this happens...I feel your struggle.
I know that jeans or a certain dress can be my biggest motivation and there is a dress that I am dying to rock on my anniversary so it's been me and the bike daily.
Ahhh, romance...I wish some of it came without the weight.
i know this struggle VERY well!
i'm a Cdn and dated a dude in NYC for over a year.
American portions of food/meals is EXPONENTIALLY larger than ours.
plus he didn't cook. so every visit, we'd be eating out/ordering in...i don't think in that time i EVER finished a meal. which he appreciated because it was automatic leftovers!!
what's interesting is i recently met a dude, who showed potential and we were having a conversation about fitness/wellness. i told him i have a trainer to who comes to my house to kick my booty because im -lazy- not a morning person. he told me not to lose too much weight because it would change my personality. *blank stare*. i said, if i got back to the levels i want, would i be walking around like beyonce on the mean streets? yes. (lol), but i'd also still be the same chick. just with pretty girl problems instead of cute chick problems. ;)
I eat better and exercise more when I'm dating. I always feel like I don't want to get any bigger. But considering what I look like now, I don't date often.
"Prepare for Michele's I'm-on-the-treadmill-eating-salad posts."
And there it is. Those dinners don't seem to stop either so you better be about it. Have a nice weekend!
LMAO!!!
Maaan, Feel you I do! I was in a relationship where Krispy Kreme was the post-coital hangout! After the "red-light special" we went looking for the OTHER red-light special. After about 6 months a sista was looking like a lumberjack, while HE was still slim and trim! We had to dead that with a quickness! : )
I dated a guy who could cook his heart out. We lived in two different state, and when came to visit he threw down b/c he liked my kitchen. I thanked my stars for my love of running, otherwise It would be a different story.
On a different light, my mom's sister comes to visit me every so often from Kenya and that lady cooks everyday and when she is here I do not lift a finger; all receipe for doom. I always make sure we take long walks b/c she has high blood pressure.
*black power fist raised in solidarity*
I was already fluffy, and married a man who can cook his ass off. (See said evidence on my blog.) Since we took the summer off from Atkins, I have noticed the pounds I did manage to shed, trying to come back on a sister. No bueno!! I'm about to be with you on eating salads and cottage cheese or something.
Be forewarned, I'm hating on today's topic of discussion.
Other than a growth spurt in which case the added weight was counteracted by an increase in height, there's not one situation I can think of in which weight gain is the outcome. I was even looking forward to the dreaded Freshman 15 and ate like all that food was really free, so color me salty when lo' and behold I lost 5lbs that year.
I sympathise with those who have weight loss/maintenance issues but for reals, what about us? (no MJ)
My metabolism and body type makes weight gain an effin' Olympic event. Despite my best efforts, which at one point included eating McHeart-Attacks 5 minutes before bed for over a year, I've gained all of 10lbs. in the 5 years since that ill fated Freshman year. And now that I've decided to get my gym hustle on, a sista is sweatin' bullets and contemplating a twinky & milkshake diet (counteractive much?).
What's a woman to do? This waiting 'til I'm XX y.o. and my metabolism slows is not the answer. My mother still shops at 5*7*9 when she wants to be ratchet.
/rant
"What makes it worse is the fact that I'm black girl skinny & no one takes my weight loss goals seriously because they think extra weight will 'get me right" <-- This is me all day. I feel your pain. Smh.
Men have this struggle as well. Mrs. Skyy can throw down in the kitchen. Those long walks we used to take after dinner got shorter and shorter until we just slide over to the sofa and sit in front of the TV. Let me dig out the running shoes this weekend.
Yup. Got rid of him and the weight is STILL here. Naw! I've had to nip that ish in the bud and revamp my diet and exercise to how it was before. And given my profession double naw.
Come on Chele... u know that weight is harder to come off as we get older... you know where to find me! :)
I know this struggle...all too well! I gained weight when my hubby and I started dating and the struggle continued even after marriage
In addition to the dinner dates, I was cooking more since I had someone who cook for besides myself. By our first vacation together came (about 8 months in) to the Caribbean, I didn't even want to think about putting on a bathing suit with an extra 7-10 pounds.
Enter marriage and...gym...what's that??? I had a man at home to take care of and no desire to spend my evenings at the gym after work. I was walking around glowing from love, living proof that my mom was right, "love makes you fat!" By the time our 1st anniversary rolled around, I had gained ~30 pounds since we met 3 yrs prior. I looked back at pics from our anniversary vacation in HI and had a coming to Jesus! In the last yr, I've been working my butt off (literally!!) to get my sexy back (pre-love weight). Almost there...
Cosign. I've gain about 15 lbs in the 5 years with the SO, and nobody gives a damb about me and my "struggle" because I'm still smaller than 95% of the women I know. They all look at me like "it's about time you gained some weight, boney heifer...".
Feeling my thighs rub together was my impetus for change. Now I'm all about some Wii Fit, power walks, and working my way up to the elliptical machine in the basement. Checking out the "Couch to 5K" movement going on now.
And if I could just convince the SO that a salad with some grilled chicken on top is just as good as fried chicken, greens, and homemade mac n cheese, I might have a fighting chance at getting back to my "fighting weight."
I put on 8 lbs with the ex, after we broke up - I put on 15 more. Can you say "stress eating"? Say it with me now. Then you wrote something about cardio boxing. I love it. 12 down, 10 to go.
*raises hand* Hold up. Does this mean no more fajita night at David's? You can't get folks used to surf 'n turf fajitas with the guac and beans and then cut them off! The queso? C'mon sis. What about the italian thing you make? It has veggies in it.
I'm about to cry. For real. What about my Single-Man-Trying-To-Stay-Fed Struggle?
No more champagne-teriyaki ribs?
Gingerbread waffles?
Ok I can't even post my comment because you just stole it!!! But you know I have to say something, right? LOL
What this tells me is that we spend way too much time over there mooching food. Gentlemen, sit all the way down. Let me shed a tear for the jambalaya and keep it moving.
Sasha I used to know your pain. Could eat whatever, whenever, and never gain more than a few pounds. And let me skip a meal or two and I would lose 5!!!...I know you don't want to hear this, but keep living, it may change. However some folks are just meant to be thin, in which case if you do gain a substantial amount of weight, it might not go where you want it. (My aunts on my dad's side are naturally thin, can we say bird legs! So when they gain weight, guess where it goes? Straight to their guts! Not a good look.) But to their credit, the youngest one is 69, so who cares! LOL
HOLLERS AT JAY!!! We see where your priorities are!
I am a skinny fat girl and therefore am not taken seriously when I
complain about my weight gain. The problem is that my body frame is not
equipped to handle a lot of weight. While I look good when I put on my
size 8/10 jeans (thank you mama for all this junk in my trunk), you
can't see that I'm holding in my stomach (thank you mama for teaching me
how to do that and not look like I'm about to blow any minute!). My
issue? C.E.L.L.U.L.I.T.E!!! And this is why I don't worry about bathing
suits!
To make matters worse I used to be a personal trainer, and was trained by a martial artist and football player. Needless to say neither is pleased with my current 13 month hiatus and the expansion of my trunk. Le Huge Damn Sigh.
Been there with the meals around their schedule rather than when I would normally eat. Why don't men like to eat alone when they are dating? That always messed me up because I tend to try and eat earlier in the evening. That coupled with eating out and a sista was living at the gym trying not to gain more than 5lbs or so cause I didn't want to buy the next size up. I'm already curvy so don't need no more.
GAMGSW Struggle is so real! Then there are stages. The first dating stage, long term 'I'm comfortable' dating stage and then the married stage. Between dating and marrying the Hubbster I'm up around 40 pounds. The man loves to eat and loves to watch me eat.
I just celebrated my one year wedding anniversary on July 31. I think I am about 10-15lbs heavier since I married my hubby. Most people are polite and say that "marriage looks good on me". Truth be told I've always been in the 135-145 weight range, I ain't there now though but I'm not mad, I'm 5'10 and have 2 sons, albiet they are 12 and 9 and baby weight has been gone but I look good for pushing 30, a few crunches and situps couldn't hurt a sister though. I'd rather gain weight from being happy then losing it because my partner is always stressing me out which was the case with my ex-husband.
It's all about Jay huh? Did you not read the post?...Oh don't mind me, I'm just a hater who misses out on all that good eating and wants it to stop! LMAO!!!
Yes, I need all that damn good eating to STOP!!!...Unless I can sit in on a few rounds.
I have reached the XX year and still no weight gain. If my mother is any indication when I do finally gain it is going straight to my stomach (a la 4 or 5 month pregnant belly) so I am going to fight the weight gain when it finally happens.
Cosign! I gained some pounds from my last relationship and have been working like a Hebrew slave to get them off! I went from a couch potato to a runner and love it! When I miss my running days, I am not happy but I am determine to get back to my "normal" size.
I was like you through my mid twenties. Then came three children, the never-to-be-fully-mended separation of my abdominals during the third pregnancy, and hypothyroidism. At 35 now, I am decidedly matronly, and I'm probably going to continue to be so until after menopause, which is when the women in my family tend to go back to being fairly thin, sadly, due to health issues. It took some years, but I have finally come to terms with that. My bloodwork is great, I'm strong and fit enough to outperform my thin (unblessed-with-three-children!) siblings, and my weight has been stable for at least two years, so I know I'm not doing myself any damage from yo-yoing up and down.
Barring illness (you have been to your doctor, right?) you almost certainly weigh what you're supposed to weigh. ENJOY it, instead of waiting for some perfect weight you may or may not ever see. Although, uh, if you really want to speed up that metabolism slow-down? Diet. Short of hypothyroidism, nothing slows down the metabolism quite like random periods of calorie deprivation. You may not like it once you've got it, though.
"I'd rather gain weight from being happy then losing it because my
partner is always stressing me out which was the case with my
ex-husband. "...I ALWAYS lost weight when I was being stressed by the SOs.
Well, as a skinny sista, I can always stand to gain a few pounds (or 10, lol). The freshman 15 was an urban myth.
Now I just gotta fall in love so I can head down love happy lane. Working on that one. ;-)
Damn.. i need to get on that meal plan! lol
I sympathize. I eat whatever I want whenever I want and never gain an ounce despite my wish to do so. The only time I did was my freshman year in college. I grew up eating fast food every day, so I had the mentality of I could eat whatever. I pigged out and my clothes got tight.
Then, it was like my metabolism magically woke up one day. With little to no effort on my part, I lost more weight than I had gained. And I'm still there. My body just isn't interested in holding weight, I guess.
*shrug* Oh, well. I have a cute, CHEAP pair of jeans from GAP Kids because of it.
Stop trying to gain! Please! I was once where you are. Ate like a linebacker and never gained an ounce. When I 35 hit, the pounds decided the liked me and wanted to come hang out.
But, on the other hand, you could be like two girlfriends of mine that I call "the lollipop kids": petite, skinny, with heads too big for their frames. One of them eats nothing but sweets (frosting right out of the can y'all) and couldn't PAY for a pound.
Thanks for the heads up! I'm in my first serious relationship, and at 4 months, we're still in the "long walks after dinner stage." I now know to be alert and not slip into the "sitting on the couch after dinner and gaining 10 lbs stage." I'm fluffy by nature and just worked the hardest to lose 20 lbs. I would hate for all that hard work to go to waste. My slow metabolism and I are grateful for this post. :-)
I had to learn to not gibbadam & order my salad/tapas & let him pig out late. Talk about me if you want, but dinner does not happen after 8. Now cocktails? I'm still working on that.
What you can do tho? Go head and get yo cook on then walk to the post office and send it here.
Everybody wins.
Damn girl, you cook too?
I guess I have never gotten that comfy with anyone, and I don't know if I want to in that regard.
I'm very fitnes oriented and don't care to be fat/overweight.
Indeed. It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none!
You know!
I'm thinking "all this fine dining is what's hot in the streets of Plano? Let me dougie my way on up the tollway and see if I can gate crash before the buffet is shut down."
"Go head and get yo cook on then walk to the post office and send it here. Everybody wins."
*Fist bump*
Both of the lollipop kids have massive amounts of hair as well. I think you just might be in that club... LOL!!
DEAD!!!
I totally know this struggle. I look at old pictures of myself when I was in a long-term relationship and I'm like "WTH"? I was way too comfy. And so was he. Hell, he gained 40+ pounds while we were together. Since the breakup, I've been running my way back into shape and I'm much more careful about my diet.
I've definitely made a concerted effort to come up with other date activities that include actually moving and not just sitting and eating. Coming back to my place and walking my dog after dinner helps too.
I am just the opposite. Since I am being seen naked more often :D I watch what I eat even more and work out to keep it together.
"I was already fluffy..." *adds this to my profile* TY, TIH!!
lol at shedding a tear for the jambalaya.
How bout you find me a man like yours and I'll worry about the ten lbs later? mmkay?
#Hatin'
HA-HA!
OMG! I too am having this issue! My Mom says it's happy weight, but ain't nothing happy about me squeezing into my clothes! I expressed this to him recently and after he made it a point to tell me he thought I was beautiful/fine regardless (LOL, he better), he suggested we go work out together. And that's exactly what we're doing.
Girl ain't nothing like some cocoa stirring between two actively working out grown folks! *strolls back down memory lane* Oh Lawd!!!
*Raising hand while eating Lindt Truffles* Don't judge me!
I don't know what kicks in, but one day I'm cute, and thick, next thing I know I am cheerful with a big face, hips, and belly.
We need to have a favorite recipe post. Sorta like a cyber pot luck. Cook a dish and let everyone know how it came out...
This. Right. Here. I'm trying to walk, zumba, weight lift, and pray my way back into a less round shape. And I HATE that it is SO much harder now than 5 years ago. Last week I watched some show and it mentioned that an old Nigerian pre-wedding ritual was to fatten up the bride before she was married. One lady talked about being in the 'fattening room' trying to put on pounds. I'm considering a change of address.
lol!
This has been said before...
Yes, I know this struggle well. I just switched to the guys who like'em "a little thick" - cuz that's what I am - 5'9, and curvy. Still, I am not against hitting the gym with the latest male interest and putting in a little effort, since I attract the gym rats. However, If I need to "tighten" it up a bit on the spur of the moment, I throw on my "Sp.anx Higher Power'", and strut.
I've had a brand new $800 elliptical machine in a box in my basement since April.
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Yep and then when I stop all the couch eating it's what's wrong with you. I swear sometimes you can't win. "Why you ordering a salad, come I know you hungry". That is so annoying. Or the guy hat brings me chocolate and he knows how much I adore it and then wonders why the pudge is bigger and the bootay is wider. Oh good grief.
Peace, Love and Chocolate,
Tiffany
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Wow! I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend of mine who was checking in on me to see how my relationship was progressing and I complained "All is well except this 7lbs that magically appeared".
Magical my tail; catching up on reading blogs while snacking on the oh-so-healthy box of Crunch N Munch doesn't help.
I've fallen off the workout wagon, not just because I've got him but because the gym was more of a time filler when I was single, something to do.
Terrible I know but I'm working on it. Starting on Monday. LOL
You are not alone!
Indeed, most women struggle with weight when they got a man on their side. This is because women feel secure already with their man around and sometimes forget to care about their weights.
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