Tuesday, August 23, 2011

From future Mrs. to Miss-Me-With-That in 24 hours - A Bougie Bachelor Chronicle


Buckle up, BougieLand. And then let's count how many relationship "What Not To Do's" went down. Without further ado (but with a little bit of my editing), the heretofore delinquent member of the Georgia Boyz with his own Bachelor Chronicle:
Bougie People,
I'm Shawn. The Keyser Söze of the UGa APhis living lives in the Greater Dallas Metroplex. Word on the yard is that someone has started referring to us as The Georgia Boys. Which would be okay if it didn't sound like I should have a banjo in my hand and a Fry-Daddy sitting on the front porch or standing on the wrong side of Peachtree wearing a trench coat and a ski mask in June. Where was I? Oh. Deep inside your mental minds with my Keyser reference. I'm in the background, doing what needs to be done. If we were Boyz II Men with extras, I'd be... oh, still Shawn. This is all you need to know about me. 
I have had a girlfriend. One year, two weeks, one day and eighteen hours that lasted. She was in serious contention to become Mrs. Söze. Paula and I met at work: dated, clicked, boom. We are both in technical jobs, we both come from large families, we have complimentary tastes in food, movies, music, life plans. I tend to take a direct path from A to Z, she sometimes gets hung up around J and K but ends up at the same place. We vibed. We spend spent a lot of our time together but still maintain separate houses. Overall, the going has been was easy. 
Not to say that we haven't had ups and downs along the way. I've found that as a grown-damn-ass man, I prefer to be asked to do something rather being told or ordered. I prefer that a potential lifemate actually express her displeasure for something I've done rather than go mute, breath fire out of her eyes and when asked what the dealio might be, receive the ever-so-helpful one word answer of "nothing" or my favorite "figure it out."  
She, no doubt, preferred that I stay and finish an argument rather checking out after a certain amount of time and retreating to Shawn's Man Cave with Bose headphones, an Xbox controller and a medicinal bottle of aged amber beverage. She also did not care for my obsession with Atlanta Braves baseball, my ability to tune her out from time to time and the odd habit I had of throwing all the clothes into the washing machine regardless of color and delicacy. I'm a man. I do man things, okay? 
As I said, we had our ups and downs. But things have had been good. Almost eerily good. Until last weekend when we went from "Oh baby, move a little to the left" to "Everything you own is in a box to left" in about 24 hours. Friday, I had finished breakfast and was walking towards the garage when she stepped into the kitchen wearing some applause-worthy lingerie. She asked if I felt like being a little late for work. Hell yes I did. And I was. Very late. So late that I ended up staying late to wrap up a project making me late to pick her up for dinner. Once a month group dinner with the Georgia crew and significant others.  
Maybe I was still hazy from the breakfast booty but Paula looked especially lovely that evening and I said so. Her reply, "I hope you appreciate it." That gave me pause and all my happy haziness went away. Every once and a while, she could get in "a mood" of sorts. I hoped it wouldn't be one of those nights. But my hopes were in vain. 
Somewhere between salads and entrees, Trey someone started teasing Michele and 3N about weddings. In true bougie gangsta fashion, 3N said, "Shawn and Paula have been dating a lot longer, why don't you start planning their honeymoon for them?" Laughter from everyone but Paula who announced. "Why aren't we?" 
"Why aren't we what?" I looked at her from the left and sideways knowing she was not truly trying to have this conversation at table full of people. 
"Why aren't we planning our honeymoon?" 
"Because I haven't proposed?" I could have said it nicer but facts is facts, people.  
"Why haven't you?" Ask anyone, she was almost shrieking at this point. 
Now everybody at the table is giving each other the "this is mad awkward" looks and praying for food to arrive, a tornado to strike, some kind of diversion from the scene in front of us. "Paula." I said as calmly and quietly as I could. "Do you want to go home and discuss this?" 
"No, I want to discuss it here and now. Why haven't you proposed yet? And for the record, if you don't propose before Christmas, we're done." 
Please scan up the page to where I unequivocally stated how much I hate being told what to do. I'll wait.... okay. To try and diffuse the situation, I smiled and said "Well, this drama right here is not helping your cause." 
She told me to do something anatomically impossible to myself. Picked up my damn car keys from the table and walked out. After I finished dinner - what, I wasn't supposed to eat? I accepted a ride home and broke into my own damn house. She was standing in the kitchen and asked me, "So are you going to marry me or not?" 
"Not tonight, I'm not." 
"I'll be by for my stuff in the morning." I tried to talk to her. She walked out. I locked the door behind her. I tried to call her, she blocked my number. And that was that. So perhaps someone in this magical place you call BougieLand can tell me - what in the entire eff was that?
On the one hand, Shawn could have handled this with a wee more sensitivity. But in Shawn's defense, I've never seen her act like that. Ever. She's been just really good people. Until she flipped out at the table in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Have you ever watched a relationship break up right in front of you? Not comfortable. BougieLand, we're taking bets that they'll be back together in two weeks blaming this entire incident on a hormone imbalance. Then again, maybe there's some subplot going on that we don't know about. But in the meantime - what's with the ultimatums?! WDDDA? Thoughts, comments, just glad it wasn't another of Trey's stories this time?

252 comments:

1 – 200 of 252   Newer›   Newest»
Slatercountry said...

Move on and forget about her. This will not be the last time she flips out on you in front of others.

sol_dier said...

Lol. I always pictured 'The georgia boys' with pants above their waists, posing with their straw hats and ukelele's.

Sigh, every single time theres a post about relationships on bougieland, all I keep seeing is people getting comfortable & not treating each other gently or with due care.  
*shurg* I ain't got nothing beyond that. waits for bougie peeps in other time zones to wake up

TheRealChanee said...

I would like to join the bet pool thAT they'll be back together as well. I'm interested in knowing how their PRIVATE conversations about marriage were going? Was this a private disagreement that should've remained private, or was this the first he had heard of her displeasure?

Though I'm at the point in my relationship where I too am ready for a ring, I would never clown my man in public! I think "Paula" is probably getting some outside pressure that caused her to snap. If she won't talk to Shawn, he can't try to figure out what was behind that blow up.

However, given the fact that she has been good people and this was totally out of character, (not like this is one of Trey's women....lol) I would encourage him to try to get to he bottom of this situation. Shawn, if you love her, be willing to forgive her outburst if she explains it. Biological clocks and outside pressure can make us women feel crazy sometimes, just like a nice piece of passing ass may make you drool. Keep pursuing...in this case I think she just needs a reminder that you care about her and that "you got marriage on your menu".( 10 points to the bouger that bands the movie)

Michele said...

Definite hormone imbalance.  But the fact remains:  she wants to get married.

Bonita Applebum said...

So...what I took were supposed to be "little things" during the "ups and downs" section...yeah. Like, ONE of the things he listed about her was what I would call "little". Communication differences are major. Or at least need some time to figure out so you can be on the same wavelength.

I have a feeling she came to the conclusion that since she was doing all these things and they were compatible, they should be married by 1. her own reasoning 2. her family and friends asking her or 3. some other dude who had been doing the Joe technique (As in "All The Things Your Man Won't Do". Yeah. Think on it.). At any rate, she brought it up in front of people so he wouldn't have the option of going to his man cave.  Probably the best thing would have been to pull her to the side that minute he felt something was off, before they all sat down.

IDK if they'll get back together. Makes sense that they're technical people because their compatibility is listed quite well. But there's nothing about "love" in it. If they do get back together, hopefully they'll look more at those little things.

Donell Creech said...

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shawn - which do you want more - to be 'right' or keep paula in your life?

no where in your re-telling of the evening did i hear you say -  'here she goes again with this.'

and even the level headed chele whose cup runneth over with props on her ability to judge peoples said "But in Shawn's defense, I've never seen her act like that. Ever."

so given those two things, wouldnt it be fair to say paula's actions that night (at least to that level) were out of character for her?

kind of like a when a child falls and is screaming like there is something seriously wrong with them...when all they really wanted is some attention, affection and reassurance.

lets remix this track shall we - and see how it might have sounded differently:

She was standing in the kitchen and asked me, "So are you going to marry me or not?

(as you look her in the eyes and hold her hands) baby - you know how much i love you and yes of course i agree with you - we *are* on the marriage track. of course baby. 

but before we start having those conversations - im a little more concerned right now about whats going on with you. what was all of that about at dinner - whats really going on with you? 

and if she's still got her fists balled up and pulls out the "nothing" or your favorite "figure it out." card…remix and repeat the caring and concern until she calms down enough to communicate with you.

in my non-jayme c trained opinion - i would venture that something in particular (an event or train(s) of thought(s)) had her feeling (extra?) insecure about the status of your relationship. and rather than really demanding that you propose to her post haste - what she actually wanted was some (extra?) attention, affection and assurance.

ahem - ideally - the convo remix should have happened in the parking lot of the restaurant. you not *immediately* following her out of the restaurant - thats either one helluva case of you showing out in front of your boys, or a bad case of 'right-itis'.

ooooor - a real talk gut check of how you authentically feel about paula.

if its either of the 2 former - come on bruh - man up if you even think you might want paula as mrs. söze. 

but if its the latter - then keep doing you playboy.

Andy Hopper said...

Le Sigh... if I'm not careful this could be me by the end of the week... Airing your dirty laundry in public is never a good look; however, I absolutely understand how this went left. And the recipe goes something like this:

> 1 part   - Woman who is ready to get married and has been for a while
> 2 parts - Man who just needs more time, unspecified
time, to think about unspecified things all the while not communicating anything because ultimately he gets to decide when the getting-of-married will occur.
> 3 parts - Instigating/well-meaning family/friends/strangers making small talk that includes: Why aren't you guys married yet? and When's the wedding? All the while, hitting a raw never in the ticking-time bomb of the 1 part Woman.

Stir. Marinate... detonate!

Jazzy Jazz said...

It seems like there is something deeper going on here. They need to talk it out - calmly please- and THEN decide where the relationship goes from there. 

blackprofessor said...

Very well said!

thinking that... said...

*after i stopped laughing @ shawn*....he ate and had to break in his own home...sorry that's funny!

ultimatums are never good and should never be put on the table as a bargaining chip.  NEVER!

this may not be the best way to handle things, but it what i would do and what i did.  i walked away.  i explained why so that it would be clear that i wasn't giving an altimatum but was doing what was best for me.  i desired a commitment he didn't.  we were in two different places and i respected that.  he is a good guy and instead of walking away with anger i walked away in peace. 

paula may have been hormonal and they sound as if they will be back together in less than 30 days, but if you are in a realtionship with someone and you can't seem to meet on that common ground (marriage / commitment) just leave.  do it in peae b/c the stress of anger is not worth it so do you both, yourself more than the other person, and just leave.

shawn had to break in his own home....smh

side bar: trey sho' can start some stuff....LOL

blackprofessor said...

SMH that Trey found his way into someone else's Bougie chronicles!  Trey, the Knitting Circle is gonna have to lay hands on you.

Shawn,
You need to be honest with yourself. Do you want to marry this woman? If so, you need to do everything in your power to get Paula back.  She needs to know where this relationship is going NOW not next week, tomorrow, next month  or after you finish your dinner.  If/when you get her back, run to Dr. Jayme and work on the obvious communication issues that you two have.

Jason P said...

Ultimatums are never a good look. But the fact that homie stayed to get his eat on when girlie jetted tells me that he's not that pressed about it because 1) He knows he can get her back or 2) He can take it or leave it

Natasha Hunter said...

I don't think I liked this: To try and diffuse the situation, I smiled and said "Well, this drama right here is not helping your cause."
 
I think she made a power play and it backfired, and ^ added insult to injury. It seems to me that she felt comfortable enough around your group of friends that she could bring up the marriage thing and since everybody "keeps it real", she'd be able to get a straight answer out of you. 

I dunno, I wish you two the best for yourselves, but when a woman you care about is buggin' out, you might  want to stay away from the “being cute”  bit. LOL That rarely does what it's intended to do.

Chance said...

I agree. The fact that Shawn didn't go after her says VOLUMES to me about a)how he feels about her and b)how he handles disagreements. Me thinks that Shawn is a rather selfish dude.....not a good look bruh, not at all.

S/N: Imma need Trey to get it together! If he ain't in the middle of some random dating circumstance (that he brings on himself mind you), he is instigating stuff. Trey (and I mean this with love) GO SAT DOWN SOMEWHERE! LOL!

maureen said...

I believe there is more to this than what is scratching the surface. The blow out at dinner was not Bougie, nonetheless, she was projecting her frustations. Shawn the ball is in  your court, decide if your want to take it all the way or let her go.

Miz JJ said...

That was not the way to have that conversation. She obviously let that simmer for way too long and exploded. Someone is in her ear telling her that she needs to press for an engagement. Also, do you really want to get engaged to someone because you forced their hand, or demanded it? If she really wants to get married she needed to have that conversation with Shawn...in private. All of that drama was really not a good look. Hopefully cooler heads will prevail and this will just be a funny anecdote.

Sugarhoneyicedtea said...

Is it bad to say I look forward to Trey's adventures? *Sorry, Trey* And Shawn, I think that somethimg was simmering under the surface. I hope you guys can work it out...

Pure Choco said...

*packs up copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" and sends it to Paula*
*packs up copy of "Relationships for Dummies" and sends it to Shawn*

michaeldavis said...

Speaking as a 100% outsider of course, because I don't really know the day to day or if there was a build-up and this is where it came to a head.  Shawn's first response was fine, she didn't give him much room for a decent follow up.


The ultimatum is never a good look, but sometimes women get frustrated and want to release.  HOWEVER,  flipping out in a public situation is a certain warning sign.  What if you were at a business dinner with your boss and replace Chele and the crew with the SVP and the CFO?  PROBLEM; and you sir would not get the promotion. Major red flag.

Not trying to throw shade, just food for thought.

I don't want to make predictions b/c I don't know their flow... me, I'd probably be out.  But then again I'm two weeks into being single so maybe my advice  should be ignored.PS: Why does my mans on the right have to be eating pizza with Tims on amongst boxes looking like RL in the Deborah Cox 'We can't be Friends' video. COLLLLLD!

digal704 said...

I think if you wanted her nothing could keep you from her. Your "not liking to be told what to do" wouldn't mean shiggity, IMO. She was over the top and definitely could have handled herself better. Obviously she has been feeling some kind of a way for a minute.

MotownMs said...

There is "some subplot going on"..and there are three sides to this Bougie tale... we have heard only one...

GuessImJay said...

I'm coming at this from someone who has watched this relationship unfold from day one. Chele may not have seen signs of drive by ratchetery but I have. This is girlie's thing. She plays nice then she pulls some out of pocket stunt to get what she wants. By nature, Shawn generally takes the path of least resistance and gives in. But this was on some ole bullshiggity level right here. She did it in front of everybody thinking she could force his hand.

What part of the game is that?

Wow...just...wow said...

You finished dinner and then went home? Well played. Enjoying the single life?

Only1DivaC said...

You say you've been dating for about a year, huh? I hate generalizing but for some (not all, though) women the one year mark is right around that time they start freaking out about whether they are about to get engaged. It could be that someone is talking in her ear or she is thinking I've been doing all this "stuff" so why hasn't he proposed yet. All I have to say is when cooler heads prevail have a little chit chat on what happened. It could very well be a miscommunication on both parts.
One thing that I did notice though is a major red flag about this lack of communication. If you guys do get back together, can you see yourself being married to a woman that doesn't communicate what's bothering her (in the appropriate setting of course) or telling you what to do? The "little things" that grate on your nerves now will only amplify when you get married. So if you do get back together, you guys should definitely work on that communication thing. It's one thing when she says "nothing or figure it out" on little things, it's a whole other ballgame when it's do you want kids, if so how many kids do you want, should we buy this house or car, what church should we attend, should we have separate or joint bank accounts.  Major life decisions like that require full engagement and communication from both parties not one word responses. As my daddy says all the time, the ceremony lasts only 20 minutes, now you have learn how to live with that person for the rest of your life. I wish you blessings on this sir and I'm sure it will work out for you guys.

ccb296 said...

Just be happy you found out now and steer clear of that nut case.  Because I guarantee if she’s childish enough to pull something like that in front of a crowd; it will get dramatically worse when you’re married to her at which time she would definitely feel like she has you trapped.

Angel Blanca said...

Rarely, if ever, do I even intimate a curse word, but daaaaaaaaaayum! Seriously, what on earth happened back there?

Okay, we have an idea that she's okay peeps when hanging with the GA Boyz, but what's going on with her when she's hanging primarily with her own crew?  Are they mostly married and spawning offspring?  Has she mentioned any of this about marriage before now?  Does "one year, two weeks, one day and eighteen hours" seem like too long a time for a proposal?  Was Paula present for that scene with 3N, Jay, and HNQ chick?  Did her reaction provide any insight into this meltdown?  I have questions, people!

Shawn, did you give her things back to her, or did you meet her at the door wearing nothing to work things out?  If she could have been Mrs. Söze, did you ever share this with her at some point (like that morning, when she changed up her/your routine)?  Did she go from A to Z in a direct line, leaving you hung up around J and K this time?  Again, I have questions, people!

Finally, I would really like to see a photoshoot with all the GA Boyz, wearing three piece suits in various combinations (you know, jackets off, ties akimbo, vests open, etc.), and with an appropriate backdrop of their choice.  Then, we can sell the photos in a calendar and raise funds for BougieLand to take a cruise together (or at least me, because this is a fantabulous idead!).  What say you?

Oh, one last thought: Do you all ever just have "regular" outings together? 

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

1. Not knowing how to do laudry properly is not 'doing man things' sir. Unfortunately, you were sent out into the world without a full toolkit to take care of yourself and your home. 

2. You, sir, have been missing cues BIG time.  Y'all grown right? If you and the rest of the crew are close to Michele's and 3N's age (according to my guesstimate), you are waaaaaayyyy past the time when it's cool to need years upon years to figure out if you are ready to make the choice to choose a life partner and get married. So Paula was thinking she finally found the one, and that it would be an easy walk down the aisle. You weren't operating on her time table.  So, she decided to bring things to a head with "the talk." This cannot be the first time you all have discussed marriage or the future of the relationship.  What happened before?  Did you just tune her out and go into the man cave? Women don't do stuff like this without it building up over time.  Wait, scratch that.  Reasonable women, the group to which Paula previously belonged, don't do this stuff without it building up.  Clearly it was pressing on her something serious, because she acted a straight azz and embarrased both of you.

3. Now, I don't know you nor Paula.  HOwever, let me be like 99.99% of the internets and make a whole heap of assumptions.  She's probably more conservative than the women you used to date in your wild days, bringing the right mix of intelligence, refinement, sexiness, and cocoa-ology to the table.  And, more than likely, she is not the type of woman to routinely bring out show-stopping accoutrements just for the heck of it.  There are women who enjoy a good romp just for good romps' sakes, but you know whether or not she is one of them.  So, she pulled out all the stops after breakfast to soften you up for what she had planned later.  Except, instead of hurrying home to continue, you stayed late at work, eliminating the time she has planned on using to talk to you about marriage. 

Then, instead of keeping a cool head and waiting for another, more opportune time to launch her plan, she let Trey's reckless mouth get her all up in her feelings, and then all hayle broke loose.  You could have diffused the situation several times before she stomped out (ummm, a flippant "because I haven't proposed yet?" would have sent me over the edge.  I already have an issue with the whole 'men getting to decide when women get married, but that right there?.... I digress) but you got prideful and mannish and the night unfolded like it did.  And for the record homey, the time to talk is not after you keep pushing someone's buttons in a tit-for-tat back and forth ("Not tonight I'm not".... sheesh, dude, just no!).  She needs time to cool off and discuss this like a reasonable person, and you need time to find a strategy to deal with this without your pride getting in the way. 

4. If this entire episode is an absolute dealbreaker, let her go so she can find somebody else who will propose after a year.  If it's just a major annoyance that can be overcome, then get on the good foot and pull out a grand gesture to get you guys on the path to reconciliation - BUT, only if you truly want to marry her.  Not just think she's marriagable, but you want HER.  There is a difference. 

5. Paula, honey, if you are reading this? Romantic strategery? You're doing it wrong. You're trying to get through force what can be best achieved through gentle persuasion.  I would let it be known what my expectations are in a clear, but nonthreatening manner, and then, if certain milestones weren't met, ramp up my other committments (friends, family, volunteering, a new hobby) to reduce the amount of time I had available for ol' dude.  If he wants more time, he needs to put more chips on the table.  If not, then he can kindly move aside.  See? No fuss, no fights, no being the loud ignorant-acting black people in public.

Singlelif said...

I cannot explain or decipher this degree of ratchetness.

Paula needs to play her position.  Bougie chicks don't cause scenes and give ultimatums to their significant others..or those they wish to be significant others..all out in public like that.  I suspect that Shawn already knew how ole girl could get down, and played her straight to the left..just like he was supposed to.  She showed her entire azz in a restaurant, and as it turned out, she played herself in front of his boys when Shawn didnt chase after  her.  Dumb move on her part. #NotTheWayToGetTheRing - #WhatNotToDo.

While it's true that right around the 1 year mark, some women do try to play their hand and wonder "where is this relationship going" ? Blame it on the proverbial clock ticking, girlfriend in ear-Ness, peer pressure or whatever.  Sometimes we get it into our heads that "hell, we made it this far, I'm stirring the cocoa with extra marshmallows, and keeping him food happy, so why shouldnt we marry"?  We panick and demand a trip to the alter.  NOT !!

Personally, I think Shawn should let her simmer in her own stew, not pick up the phone to give her a call, and change his locks if he ever gave her a key. She showed her azz, so she should come crawling back if she wants to work it out, and apologize to all that were present for her ratchetness.   I've always been of the belief that once someone shows you who they really are...you should believe them the first time.  Should she be permitted another chance, who knows, she might just "show out" worse than this time,  in front of a less discerning audience, and we can all look forward to reading about it..and comment WE TOLD YOU SO, 500 times.  #ChuckDeuces2Paula

CaliGirlED said...

"SMH that Trey found his way into someone else's Bougie chronicles!  Trey, the Knitting Circle is gonna have to lay hands on you."...This not the first, and probably not last time!

Angel Blanca said...

Relationship gold: "the ceremony lasts only 20 minutes, now you have learn how to live with that person for the rest of your life."

CaliGirlED said...

"...when a woman you
care about is buggin' out, you might  want to stay away from the “being
cute”  bit." Yes, because it won't help your cause either!

CaliGirlED said...

HA!!!

Angel Blanca said...

PS, Do you all still work together?  If so, then you need to work things out at least to the degree you're able to be considerate of that part of the relationship, because otherwise...

GrownAzzMan said...

Wow, just wow. I often read these stories about the Dallas crew adventures and have a wish-I-woulda-been-there-feeling. Not this time. This just seems painful. Somehow I think this will work itself out. both people have a lot invested for it to go that wrong that fast. On another note why do folks feel the need to put other people's relationship on blast? I know the intent is usually harmless but still. I remember how people used to ask my first wife (who couldn't have any more children) when we were going to have one not realizing how hurtful they were being. You never know when your comments might hit a nerve.

Singlelif said...

Very nicely evaluated. I can agree with most of this.  I will qualify where I disagree. 

1. Since she is assumed to be a grown azz woman, she should know to have such conversations right after the cocoa has been properly stirred..

2. I dont find anything wrong with Shawn replying "not to tonight, I'm not".  Hell, at that point, she should be glad he didnt just say "get the eff out my house, WTH is wrong with you acting an azz like that.  I will never marry you, so get your ish and get gone".  I know plenty of brothers who would've just reported their car stolen, and sent her azz to jail that very night... Let's not forget he had several witnesses to her stealing his car without authorization.

3.  As a person who's broken off a couple of engagements, I say no one should decide what timetable I should marry within, and Paula shouldnt decide for Shawn.   Forcing his hand will not get her "happily ever after".  He's grown. 

GrownAzzMan said...

*Fist bump*

GrownAzzMan said...

Exactly!

Rayne said...

Well this one's making me come out of Lurkerville! Chele, I love your site!

It seems like there are some underlying currents at play here and perhaps this has been on her mind for a while and she's been struggling with how to express it. I know how frustrating that can be.

That being said, this was clearly not the time or place to embark on a personal/likely to be emotional convo. She tripped, plain and simple. I would be interested to know if she has shown any remorse - aplology, explanation, something - to this date???

Nevertheless Shawn, ya coulda followed her to the parking lot...that was not the last meal in the world!!

CaliGirlED said...

Well said!

GrownAzzMan said...

Had to go back and re-read because my man Trey was taking a lot of shots in the comments. Actually it was 3N who deflected and re-focused the attention on Shawn and Paula. Let's not let him skate, IJS

Jaclynn Maxwell said...

 I dont find anything wrong with Shawn replying "not to tonight, I'm not".  
I'm pretty sure my honey uttered something along these lines a few weeks ago when I had a little freak out.  It bothered me til no end... and right after I...well cocoa was involved... I politely asked WTF was wrong with him... He said "I plan on being around my baby and my baby being around me for a long time.  Nothing wrong with it but you CANNOT just let that thought stay in ole girl's head... especially if you value you car, house and life.

Jaclynn Maxwell said...

*sigh* Ok, even though I never really comment, I'm going to comment.

I'm light years younger than what I'm guessing ole girl is here and I want my ring too but I bet you I will NOT be sitting at dinner on Friday with friends yelling and screaming about it just before I nut up and take his car back to his house.  That is a recipe for me being in somebody's jail because the minute she started acting like that she was no longer his lady.  It is crystal clear to me there's a lack of communication and a lack of respect and it's definitely not HIS fault.  Time for reevaluation on all ends.  

Brandon St.Randy said...

If buddy had practiced his Leonard Washington nostril flare, he could have nipped this whole public going nuts episode in the bud. Bougie women are terrified of the nostril flare and hard stare.

"I'm Leonard Washington and I don't get butt nekkid for nobody."

Angel Blanca said...

"ahem - ideally - the convo remix should have happened in the parking lot
of the restaurant. you not *immediately* following her out of the
restaurant - thats either one helluva case of you showing out in front
of your boys, or a bad case of 'right-itis'."

Makes the whole  Keyser Söze moniker seem more relevant, huh?

CaliGirlED said...

Continuing from my comment to Jay's comment... I totally understand the frustration of wanting your
man to take that final step. (Let me also say I'm SO GLAD God knows
better than me, and it did not see fit to let it happen either time!) I digress...Paula
was wrong for her time and place, I loathe public confrontation. I feel that the conversation should have been had between the two in
private. However, if Paula felt that she needed some intervention from "the
crew", again time and place are everything.



As for Shawn, I understand ignoring the "fit" that was thrown in the
restaurant, because the alternative may have been to join in. No bueno.
(I also don't like to be told what to do, I like to be asked. And because I have a bit of a rebellious spirit, I usually don't do what has been DEMANDED of me, good or bad). But the sarcasm was really uncalled for Shawn, unless you really don't care
about her and don't care if she kicks rocks with flip flops on across a
freeway. Mayhaps you are just tired of her (hide 'em from Chele) shenanigans
and was not going to let her ruin your dinner with her tantrum. Anywho, if this
is in fact the future Mrs. Soze, like someone below said, get thee
(y'all) to Dr. Jayme post haste! (The underlying issues have sabotaged what you guys have built thus far).

Paula dear heart, ultimatums are NEVER good! Even if Shawn would have given in to your demand, would you really want to be married to a man that you had to force into it? You should absolutely state your case and feelings and demand to know his intentions. But if all that does not lead you to satisfaction, walk away. But not with, a this way or the highway kind of attitude. Simply this is not working for me. I'm sure some of the ladies in BougieLand can attest to the Ultimatum Gone Bad story.

Trey, my play cousin, I just don't know...Dear heavenly father touch right now....Amen! ;-)

thinklikeRiley said...

Imma say dis - ya crew iz off da chains wi' it.
I been sittin' back in da cut watchin' da flow.

D.Chase - cool breeze
Wes - Capt Old Skool
Bry - bout bidness
Jeezy - playa, playa
Three Stack - comic relief with a good heart
But this cat right here = Soze - silent, deadly and giving not one damn. Nan-damn wuz given.

Reecie said...

"She told me to do something anatomically impossible to myself."
I can imagine what. and a #welldamn for good measure. my idea is that she let her anger fester for a long time and when you thought things were good they were absolutely in fact NOT GOOD.

her antics in front of people were uncalled for though. I can be snarky so I understand you replying the way you did  to her. 

Chance said...

*re-reading account* Ok I see what you're saying. 3N did play a part in this. He should've just told Trey to be quiet. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

"Nan-damn wuz given." Not nary a one!

Jeannette said...

I see a pattern about some of the relationship dilemma's on Bougieland and it all boils down to "they look good on paper".  On paper don't mean ish on a day to day relating level.  Seems like their day to day reality was a worse situation than what they both looked like "on paper".  Dudes need to start caring less about what their peers think and about what ultimately makes them happy.  And if you don't know what makes you happy.  BE BY YOUR DAMN SELF A LITTLE BIT LONGER.  **ends rant**

BlackButterfly said...

"Then again, maybe there's some subplot going on that we don't know about."Yeah, I'm thinking that there is subplot that even Shawn is not aware of either.  I'm sure when she has some time she will come to him and let him know where all of that "battleship of craziness" came from because she was definitely looking for a fight.I never discuss serious emotional situations with an audience and I have no clue why some people feel the need to? 0_O

BlackButterfly said...

This not the first, and probably not last time!

So true... you just know somehow he won't be able to help himself. LOL!

The Bunni said...

I totally agree.  Acting out in public is muy no bueno.

Trey Charles said...

Why am I catching hell? Good thing I'm not sensitive.
*slams door behind me*

rozb said...

What a dinner! I get the impression there hasn't really been a serious discussion on the relationship before this relationship implosion. Now Shawn - did you have any inkling whether you wanted to marry her? Even though it started off as fun and games, something as sensitive as future wedding plans can easily go off the rails, especially if the first time you really discussed it is in front of your friends and their SOs. She may have wanted a stronger more supportive response from you, rather than a dismissive one that sounded like she may be an afterthought. I think she was embarrassed and hurt, and made a move that is hard to back out of.

As for Paula - ultimatums are no bueno. Not at all. Shawn is obviously not a mind reader, and doesn't seem to be the sensitive sort, so if you were feeling the need to take the relationship to another level, perhaps you should let him know in private and away from distractions. However, as the old saying goes - don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash. If and when these two get back together, any demands may not be taken seriously, and the trust she may have had in him may be kinda shaky.

Go somewhere, relax, relate, and release. Have a Woo-sah moment and go get your woman back, Shawn. And as for Paula - have a serious and adult convo about what you want with no distractions, and that means away from the cocoa implements and seduction stuff. Act like you guys know what you want and stop playing out all your drama in public. Not cool and definitely not Bougie...

Trey Charles said...

Hilarity - and very close to dead on.

Trey Charles said...

Right. Right.

rozb said...

You get a head nod and an Amen on this one...

rozb said...

Bound to happen!

rozb said...

Donnell - you hit the nail on the head all the way 'round!

CaliGirlED said...

Originally I said, I can't believe I'm agreeing with Jay. Reading the story I was thinking this could not have been the first time Paula acted like this. Then Chele said she had never seen her act like this before. But after I gave pause, I concluded that maybe she has never acted that way in front of Chele et al. Jay confirmed it, up til now she kept her tantrums somewhat at bay and out of public view.

Lady4Real said...

It's the small foxes that destroy the vine.

CaliGirlED said...

 People put months and months of thought into the ceremony and realize after they say I Do, that they really Don't.

Lady4Real said...

totally agree!

David Chase said...

I'll own my role in not squashing the entire conversational thread but...
there's never any call to act out like that in a public setting. There were multiple opportunities for her to back down and chill - she chose to go the other way. I can't with that.

If they do get back together, it's a whole different dynamic. She is now a woman he can NOT take everywhere and he is a man she can't trust to commit fully. Shaky ground from both sides.

Joy Andrews said...

Why do the phrases "unnecessarily out of pocket" and "callous indifference" come to mind?
You two are not a match.

AndreaPlaid said...

::Laser direct side-eye::

"Why am I catching hell?"

Dunno, Devil Mouth, why are you?

Lady4Real said...

Communication is KEY. My hubby has the hardest time with me because my intial reaction to things is to keep it to myself but after 2 years together and a gazillion arguements I am slowly but surely opening my mouth and speaking my mind. Paula needs to open her mouth, and Shawn needs to open his ears and heart.

Grace said...

First of all, amen for the upgraded site. The old comment section was tiny on my monitor and I had to squint to type.

Second of all, I'm so positive this is only 1/116 of the story that I'll wait for the follow-up in a month or so to say what I think.

Grace said...

You don't have to own a damn thing. She was waiting for someone to give her an opening. Trust and believe.

Only1DivaC said...

Yea it's what my daddy calls the "ole shiggity disease, who bleep did I just marry?"

Grace said...

Aw, Trizzie - don't go away mad. Usually you are the only standing in the middle of the forest fire with a lighter asking "Did I do that?" Our bad.
*e-hugs*

Grace said...

"I never discuss serious emotional situations with an audience and I have no clue why some people feel the need to?"
This right here.

Grace said...

Chele wrote something somewhere about the dual issues of GOP/GIB  - Good on Paper/Good in Bed - trips people up all the damn.

Lady4Real said...

I don't know either party but I think Paula spoke up because they were around friends. Most women know their audience and 'act' accordingly. Somethings I will say in front my friends to my husband that I wouldn't say in front of our parents or co-workers and vice versa.

Grace said...

Ooo-kay!?!

sugahoneyicedtea said...

*opens door* Awwww Trey boo, *gives e-hug*

Grace said...

Excellent points.

OneChele said...

Thank you for delurking!

OneChele said...

Thank you and Welcome out of Lurkerville!

SingLikeSassy said...

I can't even begin to speculate on what happened here cause it sounds bananas. Is marriage something you two had discussed previously? If so, were you two on the same page about the timeline for it? If not, is she made because she wanted you to bring it up?

Either way, I am sorry that your relationship ended so abruptly and in such a confusing manner.

SingLikeSassy said...

But this cat right here = Soze - silent, deadly and giving not one damn. Nan-damn wuz given.

Yeah, that "cause I haven't asked you" prolly would have set me on edge, too. But, I would *never* have pressed this in public unless I already knew the answer and conversation was going to go my way and EVEN THEN, I would not have pressed this in public. No mas.

AndreaPlaid said...

Personally, I'd let Paula keep on walking.  The way I'm looking at this is:

1) If she wasn't adult to tell Shawn that she's ready to marry
2) If this isn't the first time she displayed this kind of behavior in front of Shawn
3)  If this isn't the first time she'd displayed this behavior in front of others (sorry you had to find out about this in this way, Chele)
4) If Shawn wasn't sensitive to the sitch by being semi-sarcastic (I can imagine what goes on that's not being told here)
5) If Shawn decided it was more important to eat his food instead of having a (somewhat) salvaging convo with Paula

I'm thinking that Shawn isn't as interested in marrying Paula as he's letting on. Once the USS Not Gonna Marry You (Now) cross the Rubicon--especially during Hurricane Public Tantrum--it's a wrap. Not too many people want to endure that kind of pressure and humiliation as a hallmark of a marriage.  Paula needs to find someone to give her the wedding of her fantasy, and Shawn needs to find someone who's going to enjoy being in a non-marital longterm relationship. 

MsJamie14 said...

Well, everyone's entitled to very bad days and moments they can't take back. Sounds like ole girl reached her breaking point, but at least she did it around people she knew and trusted.

Jay's comment about her underlying drive by ratchetness is concerning tho.

However, please dont' fall victim to the 80/20 rule. If she's overall good peeps and can be trusted, don't totally dismiss her. I'd give it a few months tho and see if you feel a void or that you may have lost the love of your life. If you don't, keep it moving.

I don't know why folks expect to last in marriages/relationships for decades without having to encounter some real issues. Some major. This coming from my grandparents, 65 years of marriage and going strong.

SingLikeSassy said...

Finally, I would really like to see a photoshoot with all the GA Boyz,
wearing three piece suits in various combinations (you know, jackets
off, ties akimbo, vests open, etc.), and with an appropriate backdrop of
their choice.  Then, we can sell the photos in a calendar and raise
funds for BougieLand to take a cruise together (or at least me, because
this is a fantabulous idead!).  What say you?

CO-SIGN!

CaliGirlED said...

Aw Trey! LOL

SingLikeSassy said...

OK, so now we get down to what's REALLY hood with Shawn and Paula.

AndreaPlaid said...

If they do get back together, it's a whole different dynamic. She is now a woman he can NOT take everywhere and he is a man she can't trust to commit fully. Shaky ground from both sides.

Pretty much. 

JoycelynC said...

As a person with a fire mouth at times, I don't fault Shawn for the comments as if someone is trying to back me into a corner, I may launch a few verbal bombs.  However, staying to eat (what the hell did you order anyway? It better have been good) when she rushed out the restaurant was a clear sign that he really doesn't feel for her what she may feel for him.  I wish a n*gga would let me walk out somewhere when I am clearly upset and in his car? I'm bougie but I would have found my inner hood chick in that moment.  On the other hand, a restaurant dinner with the homies is never the place to have such a discussion so Paula failed on that big time.  It appears that this relationship has a lot of pride issues in addition to the lack of communication.  If you feel she is the one, you both will need to do some actual work on the relationship to fix it at this point.    

DCbywayofCali said...

I don't have nothing to add except maybe these dinners need to be bi-monthly or something.  Goodness!

AndreaPlaid said...

I agree with you, Grace. When Paula didn't get that opening, I suspect that upped her frustration level.

Lady4Real said...

MYOB= mind ya own business, it's what I like to do. You never know a persons situation so unless you do keep it to nice small talk; tv shows, politics, receipes. Stay out of peoples reproduction systems and out of their marriage desires or lack of. Iagree with you, I don't know why people feel the need to put other people's relationships on blast.

Shareef Jackson said...

Paula was completely out of line.  After Paula rejected Shawn's request to talk privately he became a bit of an ass, but even if he was an ass from the beginning of the dinner - there's just NO justification for airing out your partner in front of company like that.

She deserves what she got.

Leon X said...

Keyser Söze was willing to kill his whole family in order to keep his enemies from using them against him. That's all I have to add.

Andrea M said...

Furthermore, I say she set the stage for the whole day. She knew this dinner was coming, she knew someone would say something she could use. She softened him up with the breakfast buffet (O__o) and went all in for the ring at the dinner table.

I'll take female manipulative tactics for $1000, Alex.

Sasha Iman said...

Something is amiss. How did she go from "All I need in this life of sin" to "If you like then you should have put a ring on it" in less than 60 seconds? Excusing the inappropriate outburst, which I'll consider one of the crazy ish women do when wedding bells are in mind, was there something besides the table talk that set her off?

Was there a prior talk about marriage and a time frame that has now run it's course? Did lifetime/O/Oxygen run a marathon of Bridezilla, and other such programming the day of? Is there any indication that she is perhaps jealous of the way things have been progressing with 3N & Chele and wants to be first to the carats? Something's got to give.

Also, as much as I'd like to side eye Trey (why come you ALWAYS saying the trigger phrase of some relationship shiggity?), the background info leads me to believe her outburst was premeditated.  She may not have had the dinner table of a restaurant with the crew in mind as the locale..... actually, now that I think about it, that whole thing probably went down exactly as she planned. I'm thinking she didn't want to discuss the matter at home because she wanted the streets to know about her ultimatum (to pressure you perhaps?), and unsuspecting Trey did what he does and brought about a way for her to insert her little diatribe without seeming entirely off topic or preplanned.

Either way, let us know how it turns out after you two reunite over (or before) the Memorial Day weekend.

Andrea M said...

Though I do have say better her than me. I can't with the snarky-when-its-convenient shut-down-when-I-don't-wanna-talk guys. I can't. Don't care how fine and paid he is. I'm just assuming he's fine and paid since it seems to run in that clique.

SingLikeSassy said...

I don't know why folks expect to last in marriages/relationships for
decades without having to encounter some real issues. Some major. This
coming from my grandparents, 65 years of marriage and going strong.

And that, right there, is the truth.com

OneChele said...

*snickers* Once a month seems too often?

Man's World said...

She made a scene in front of his friends, took his keys and locked him out of his own house.
#cutpile

SingLikeSassy said...

I have to wonder, who wants to be the chick getting married and all the folks who know she showed her whole entire ass to get there are sitting behind her in the pews?

Hopefully Paula will have better luck in her next relationship.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Was there a prior talk about marriage and a time frame that has now run it's course? Did lifetime/O/Oxygen run a marathon of Bridezilla, and other such programming the day of? Is there any indication that she is perhaps jealous of the way things have been progressing with 3N & Chele and wants to be first to the carats? Something's got to give."

I think you are on to something...

Man's World said...

Whoa.

Man's World said...

I will be using GOP/GIB

blackprofessor said...

Okay, this completes the picture! I was under the impression that this is the first time Paula has behaved in such a manner but apparently not.

blackprofessor said...

You also get a head nod from me, GAM.  Good call!

blackprofessor said...

Trey, booski don't get mad!

blackprofessor said...

I don't know why folks expect to last in marriages/relationships for
decades without having to encounter some real issues. Some major. This
coming from my grandparents, 65 years of marriage and going strong. --  Major cosign!

Earthangel172 said...

Trey loves to stir.the.pot. IJS....

Maybe she heard her biological clock ticking, who knows! The fact of the matter is that if the relationship is going well and you both agree that you wouldn't mind waking up next to each other every morning, why ruin a good thing by placing a time limit on it? I'm not saying that you should date someone for 15 years without a ring but you can't make someone marry you either.

Anyway, $5 says they will be back together, although I personally wouldn't be with anyone who gave me an ultimatum.

CaliGirlED said...

Grace, in Twitterville I apologized to Trey for placing some blame on him (just can't help though, his reputation?), admired David for undeservedly accepting blame and concluded that Ms. Paula was hell bent on driving down Shiggity Blvd. and arriving at destination Act An Ass!

tishatweets said...

Oh. She went about that bass ackwards. Imo, this whole situation was far too emotionally charged for them to be for real through, though. In my experience, when you're real for real through, it's far less explosive. You just state your piece and you're....done.

Believe her for who she's shown you she is, though. She's shown you that she's frustrated with the way things are. It's up to you to decide what, if anything, you want to do with that.

CaliGirlED said...

 Andrea I think if someone would have said, "This rice is good!", she would have said, "And speaking of rice...!", and headed on down the boulevard!

Earthangel172 said...

"...would you really want to be married to a man that you had to force into it?"

this.right.here.

::drops a 20 in the collection plate::

La said...

 Underneath all this, all I hear is pride. Her issuing him an ultimatum, almost daring him not to “prove” how much he wants her by  running after her, which of course he had to counter by eating dinner rather than going after her to prove he won’t give in to her. Pride in her feeling some type of way about herself and their relationship because a certain amount of time passed without a proposal, him not communicating and shutting down, being petulant when “told what to do.” (Which, by the way, is not a hallmark of typical man behavior, but rather childish behavior.)  My grandma once told me where pride exists love cannot. And I believe it wholeheartedly. Both of you gotta grow up. Either together or alone, but it's gotta happen.

sol_dier said...

you... rock. 

Marcy said...

Ms. Chele,

I don't know if anyone else pointed this out but Paula has clearly been watching VH1's 'Single Ladies'.  Switch the scenery from the dinner table in a restaurant to a living room with a balcony and a view, and this is the very first scene between Stacey Dash's character and her beau in the very first episode.

Stacey Dash (her on-screen characted that is) got dumped too.  Men don't take too well to ultimatums.  Do you really want to force someone to marry you?  That was definitely the inappropriate place, time and way to handle something so very personal.

CaliGirlED said...

"...she is perhaps jealous of the way things have been progressing with 3N & Chele and wants to be first to the carats?"...Ha! Happens all the time!

CaliGirlED said...

That.is.some.bold.shit.right.there!!!

Chance said...

Aww Trey you know we love ya like a play cousin, I just think it's hilarious that in these bougie bachelor accounts, you and your remarks are always somewhere in the midst...lol

CaliGirlED said...

NOT ME!!!

DCbywayofCali said...

I'm just saying all the drama seems to go down over food and beverages. lol

tishatweets said...

Agreed. Sometimes our actions convey things that we haven't yet.

sol_dier said...

This. 
Its the callous indifference that really solidified it. Cos if a SO acts out in public like that, I'd be thinking I gotta calm him down, let's leave. 

tishatweets said...

So very true! I've often said that I don't understand why folk think they can live with someone day in and day out, endure life's issues--kids, aging parents, financial woes ALL OF THAT and think their marriage is supposed to somehow exist on a bed of rose petals all the dang time. That's unrealistic. And, IMO, unrealistic expecations, stemmingh from a number of sources, is what has many marriages DOA before they can even get to the seven year itch.

CreoleSoul said...

Behaving like this when it's been barely over a year?

Count your blessings, man.  I hope you recover quickly.

sol_dier said...

THIS. 
I avoid people like this even as acquaintances. Its too.. I'm your master type stuff. urrgh

sol_dier said...

La. Can I please reside in your brain?. 
Thank you kindly.

CaliGirlED said...

"In my experience, when you're real for real through, it's far less explosive." Yes!

tishatweets said...

That's a good point, Sissy. Things evidently were NOT GOOD for a minute. And it's really her bad for not speaking to the fact that they weren't--men, generally speaking--aren't good at picking up on these things. If he was being sexed like crazy and eating like a king, not having full on yell out-drag-out fights, mose men are going to think things are perfect. But raise your hand if you know a woman can do all this for her man and still have a sore heart and be in tears. And then, what I really despise about my gender, is that many of us will be feeling like this, but re FUSE to say something because "he should know." What part of the game is that?!

No. You have to tell him. And y'all should decide if you can make it work. Life is far too short to live on "maybes."

She didn't tell. And WW3 ensued.

CaliGirlED said...

When will women stop taking scenes from movies and tv shows (good or bad), insert themselves and try to play them out in their own lives???

C Nelson said...

Welp. She picked the wrong time and place, but if your usual response to disagreement is to run shut the door and put your headphones on, I can see why she might have thought the only way to pin you down and actually finish the discussion was to corner you in front of your friends.

Let me say right now, you are not the man for me -- that habit would lead to you being found with your throat slit in bed one morning if I were your partner. Which I would not be, not for longer than the second time you pulled that stunt. It's childish, it's manipulative, and it's at least as unhelpful as the "figure it out" response you don't like. The whole point of that trick is that you know it enrages the other person while backing them into a corner where they've got no graceful resolution; either they drop the subject (which is what you want; nobody does this when the status quo is favoring the other person) or they act out and you can take the high ground, or they leave, and you're betting they won't leave.

She's wrong for the ultimatum too. She should've skipped that part and gone straight for the last, because that was the part that mattered, and she handled it just fine. "Are you going to marry me or not?" *Bullsh*t answer* "I'll be by for my stuff in the morning." If that wasn't the answer you wanted to hear, sucks to be you. Eat your losses and let the woman go; you clearly didn't value her enough.

SingLikeSassy said...

Whew. Yes.  The "when are y'all going to have kids" thing is  killer. Stop it. 

Lady4Real said...

pride exists love cannot<----- THIS.RIGHT.HERE!!! I'm a prideful brat and trying my damndest to cut it out, it's driving my husband nuts.

Lady4Real said...

agreed. Not going after her speaks volumes. She was out the way by blowing up at dinner but Shawn added fuel to an already big fire by leaving her to 1.walk out, 2. get in the car, 3. drive home 4. sit at home and realize that the man she loves didn't stop her at points 1 and 2. IDK, I think they should call it quits, too much pride for love to survive.

Veronica Miller said...

See, I don't even have the mental space to come up with such a calculated plot. That means she was planning that ish ALL day... maybe even the week before. Me? I have assignments to finish...artwork to do...Twitter to waste time on... am I defective? Am I missing the "Female Manipulator" feature?

Lady4Real said...

 don't know why folks expect to last in marriages/relationships for decades without having to encounter some real issues. Some major.<---- AMEN. AMEN. AMEN. People can't spend a lifetime together without life biting them in the hindparts from time to time.

Angela said...

From what was said in the post, it sounds like Paula had been on simmer for quite some time and when the late-for-work-cocoa ranneth over without the desired/expected/planned for response (proposal or conversation about it), simmer became boil. By the time Shawn arrived home from work, it was clear that she had exchanged the cocoa for grits when she responded to his compliment with "I hope you appreciate it." 
 
I agree with Riley that Trey is comic relief with a good heart:-) Yes, itwould have been lovely if David had played off Trey's comment with a witty remark but, ultimately, Paula is responsible for her own shenanigans. She wasn't provoked--at least not at dinner. Speaking as one who really has a problem with people who instead of communicating choose to do something not-so-smart to get a reaction, I'm kind of with Shawn and his response even though it would have been nice to show a little more sensitivity. However, when you choose to behave like a child sometimes you get treated like one. Unfortunately, you don't get to determine how a person will react. Could be hugs and reassurance; could be spanking. Either way, the objective should be to learn something from it and grow at least a little. Humble pie is never very tasty, but we all have to sample it from time to time.  

Shawn, not sure I would have let her drive off in my car in that state of mind, but I'm glad no harm came to anyone/anything as a result. Best of luck!

Veronica Miller said...

HAHAHHAHAHAAHA!

Lady4Real said...

Yeah, I'd be pulling the SO outside to the car, if they can't calm down then I would let them know I'll be right back, go in, cancel our meal, say later to the bougie crew and go home to hash out the shiggity.

C Nelson said...

See, I think she planned it for dinner with the crew because otherwise he'd've pulled the "I'm done with this discussion so I'm going to ignore you now" routine and there would never have been a resolution. But yes, like you, I don't think this was the first sign that this was on her mind.

tishatweets said...

I can dig this comment. For lots of reasons. First, you're right. While the cocoa is cooling is the perfect time to have a BUNCH of conversations. Not just for the obvious reasons--you're feeling like a sex kitten and he's feeling like King of All That is To Be Conquered, btu also because you're (generally) in a very chill state of mind. And you're generally alone. Which is when, you should, you know, have THAT type of convo.

I also don't find fault with Shawn saying "not tonight." Had it beenme, I likely would've lightly elbowed him, laughed, and called him a jerk. And ate dinner. And later, after cocoa was stirred, revisited the convo.

And yes. Timetables are usually faulty, for lots of reasons. Because there is only ONE thing that does matter--that being whether you can take this person, right now, with all of their flaws, shortcomings, and quirks, if not one thing about them ever changes, and decide to love them forever. You can't really put a time on that.

tishatweets said...

Agreed. Further, many men have told me that men know rather quickly whether they want to marry the woman they're seeing. I'm not putting a time on it, but it sure doesn't take a year to know.

tishatweets said...

Say that.

blackprofessor said...

Say that because life is too short!

tishatweets said...

So...wait, though. You think it takes a man longer than a year to determine whether he wants to marry the woman he's with? I'm inferring that from the "barely over a year" part of your post.

Just a dude said...

I may be mistaken, but Mr. Soze never said he wanted to marry her. Maybe I read to much into this statement "She was in serious contention to become Mrs. Söze."  There could be more players on the field. If she was the one she would have no one to contend with.  

C Nelson said...

I was wondering that too. How many years is the woman supposed to wait for the laggard-azz, comfortable-as-long-as-he's-got-food-and-sex man she's with to decide it's time to propose? In my experience, the only time a man's eager to make that decision is when he feels like the woman has other options and might just as happily take them -- not necessarily another man, even, but "I was happy before I met you, I can be happy when you're gone too." The woman who is sweetly and patiently waiting isn't developing those other options -- that man may never feel ready to propose.

JaymeC said...

I firmly believe that men of a certain age who have "been around" know fairly quickly whether they plan on marrying their s/o's or not. She could've asked that question at "breakfast" or on the way to dinner in the car if she wanted his undivided attention. Acting out like that said that it was more important to her to get her way and make her point than anything else. His lack of reaction tells me he wasn't planning on marrying her anyway.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I noticed he never once said he was planning on proposing, thought about proposing, none of that. If she was ever really going to be Mrs. Soze - no way he would have let her walk out of that restaurant, walk out of his kitchen, pack up her stuff and be writing about it less than a week later. I agree with Riley below. He gave no damns.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Agreed and on the flip - who wants to be the groom who let that ass-showing slide and married her anyway.

tishatweets said...

/thread.

tishatweets said...

*rockin' back and forth like the Church mothers and humming "wellllllELLLLLLeeeeeell, Lord."*

JustPassingBy said...

Why does everyone always want to assign some blame when situations go bad? Things happen and it that moment you deal with them the best you can and keep it moving. I don't see where Shawn or Paula loved each other. I get no love from this story. This just shouldn't be together. However it went down.

jake said...

After my last break up (to a woman I just knew was The One) I spent eight days in the same throwback jersey eating takeout. I wasn't jotting cute stories about the break up.

Sasha in Stilettos said...

Something is rotten North of Dallas. Somebody need to tell the truth shame the devil.
You don't just snap your wig one night at dinner then pack up and go. And dude is cool?
Either she stirring cocoa elsewhere or he is... I would take better.

expresso said...

Ok I am out of "lurkerville" again.  My hope is that cooler heads will prevail and she will actually have a grown up conversation with her man, and they will get some stuff worked out.

My guess as to what happened was she has been holding all of this in, the dinner conversation was the proverbial "straw".  Perhaps she had a "date" in mind, as to when he would propose and since the proposal didn't happen she has been in explosive mode for quite some time. 

The question is, was there some round the way talk that would lead her to believe a proposal was impending?  Was their a recent anniversary passed?  Birthday?  

My bet is on them getting back together.

SingLikeSassy said...

No, my dear, YOU have a life.

Bryan Anthony said...

I have to cosign this.

Bryan Anthony said...

When is Riley coming through? He could hang out.

Jeannette said...

Those 2 right there... will jack up a situation and have you not seeing things that everybody including your crew and ya mamma sees.

Jeannette said...

Trey we haven't figured out what part you played in this debacle.. but i'm sure it's gonna resurface.. LOL ... in the meantime.. you missed the Knitting Club High Tea last week.  Hmmph  you aint really about that life!

Jeannette said...

And that's the bottom line folks... 

CreoleSoul said...

Your inference would be incorrect.  

What I DO think is that 1 year is too short a period of time for anyone to go from relationship to marriage.  If this was about a man proposing marriage to his girlfriend after only a year of being together, and his  s/o declined his proposal, I'd agree with his s/o's decision.How did you come to that gender-divisive conclusion based on what I wrote?

rozb said...

In total agreement with this, JaymeC. This could have have been handled in private all day long.

CreoleSoul said...

I hope my response to tishatweet's question covers this one.  lol 

tishatweets said...

Er uh....

First--it was not my attempt to be "gender-divisve." This was....not that. What I am saying is what I've been told--and I shared this further in the comments section--is that for many men it doesn't take them a year to determine if you can/want to/should marry the woman you're seeing. I'm saying men because a) that's what we're discussing here, and b) it's a foregone conclusion that most women know quickly. Men (*many*, not all) seem to be the hold out, and allow a woman to think they are still feeling her out when, in fact, they've known the answer far sooner than it would even occur to her to begin asking him about it. That's my experience. I don't think it takes a long time. Your mileage may vary. Cool.

CreoleSoul said...

I see.  Well, I can only speak for myself when I express the opinion that 1 year isn't enough time.  IMO, people vary in their approaches way too much to place some generalizing concept about "knowing automatically" on the majority of any gender.  Thank you for clearing that up.

michaeldavis said...

nah that's not a convo for a group dinner though

michaeldavis said...

you know what they say, don't ask a question unless you can deal with the answer

CaliGirlED said...

I don't know Sassy, I don't have much of a life, but I'll damned to fresh hell if I manipulate nary a MFer to be with me!

Mykeia said...

Damn.  Great response.

CaliGirlED said...

Jake you don't comment often, but when you do you say some good stuff! Love the honesty!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"You don't just snap your wig one night at dinner then pack up and go." Bwahahaha!!!

(You know I love country talk!) "Somebody need to tell the truth shame the devil."...See that's that 3rd side that we'll never get!

CaliGirlED said...

I'm gonna have to disagree with a few of my fellow bouginistas. Convos after stirring the cocoa should not be about life changing decisions. At least for me. I want a man being of sound mind, body and soul to say that he wants to marry me, not after I just served him cocoa with marsh mellows, whipped cream, caramel swirls, cinnamon sprinkles and a extra jolt of caffeine! When I walk down the aisle to him, I want him to say "I Do", not "What the hell did I do!".

maxfab said...

Every time I hear a story like this I just think to myself, damn I am living wrong by trying to be fair and reasonable and not airing my relationship laundry in the streets. Apparently I'm holding myself to a much higher standard than a lot of chicks out there are.

AppleBerryMIA said...

WOW - uh. I counted 12 things I would have done differently. To each his own?

ShawnSoze said...

So this is Bougieland.

SingLikeSassy said...

Hey! *waves* Tell me how you gon' eat your pasta dish and let ol' girl take your car and roll out? Did you order dessert, too, and a second drink? LOL!

Ms. LTB said...

Dang. Court made me super late on fresh bouge.  SMH well I look forward to seeing how this plays out.  My cousin's female came home one night, announced that they were getting married and went out and purchased her own ring.  Cousin (despite ample warning) went through with the wedding.  They barely made it 2 years before divorce attorneys were called.

As a person that handles divorces day in and out (God help me) - I'll say that marriage in and of itself is hard enough to enter it based on an ultimatum BUT if you were seriously picturing the "happily ever after" with her by your side before this "moment of insanity", decide if you are as happy without her as you were with her and proceed accordingly.  She can be either "Mrs. Soze" or a bump on the road to her your choice.

Chele -  I haven't watched the unraveling of a relationship in front of me (thankfully), but I do spend quite a bit of time helping to clean up the mess that occurs after it's unraveled when the parties can't be civil or adults about it.  Does that count?

LBrown said...

Long-time lurker here!

Welp, Paula failed big time by acting out such the fool script in public no less. I also agree with the other comments that mention that there must be quite a huge chunk of the picture that we aren't seeing.

I'm curious though - does she perchance know about your blog, Chele? I wonder how she'd feel reading this ' cause to me, this post is kind of a reflection of how not seriously Shawn takes her, IMO.

If he was ever seriously thinking of making her his wife, this tale right here would totally not be blog fodder. Nuh-uh, dude would be holed up somewhere reflecting on what went wrong and if it was fixable. I can't see a guy being so casual over someone he thought could actually be the "one" or hey, what do I know?

SingLikeSassy said...

Female is the noun. Woman is the adjective. That is all.

rozb said...

What a way to get your feet wet, huh? Welcome Soze!

ShawnSoze said...

It was surf and turf, SassyOne. I had praline cheesecake and a glass of port.

ShawnSoze said...

I like this guy.

ShawnSoze said...

Stirring cocoa means what I think it means?

Bailey said...

Let me ask the important questions - so Shawn, Trey and Jay are the single ones?
What - I'm the only one?

Bailey said...

I don't even know what to do with this story.

Bailey said...

Welcome. Now sit quietly while we dissect your life ;-)

Bailey said...

This is why we wanted Chele to post her rant "Why Hoes Get Chose While Good Girls Take Up Knitting" - it's what's hot in the streets.

Bailey said...

Yes sir.

Bailey said...

Church!

CaliGirlED said...

 Welcome!

Bailey said...

Sings like Suge Avery "Speak Lord... Speak to me!"

Bailey said...

I'm trying to live life so it never resembles a scene from a VH1 show.

Bailey said...

Epic win on this comment

Singlelif said...

Right !  It should've been handled in private.  Now she has invited us all into her personal hell. In my mind, this is an intimate conversation, and should be discussed quietly.....

Bailey said...

TC - We got you. Just try and do right for 30 straight days.

maxfab said...

I might have to write about that too! It's a real epidemic.

Bailey said...

I need to scrapbook Riley comments.

MochaMuffin said...

Girllll...

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