Wednesday, July 06, 2011

What's your "type"?


Sunday a bunch of us were at a park in Allen, Texas to watch some fireworks. We were rolling about 12 people deep and had completely bougiefied about fifteen square feet of park grounds with lounge chairs, blankets, coolers, umbrellas, totes and tray tables. Even though the sun was setting, it was still warm (read hell-like hot) so someone was passing a portable fan with mister around. I leaned forward to get my mist on when my eyes caught a familiar frame off in the distance. I squinted, tilted my sunglasses down and then dove (unashamedly) behind two of the fellas.

"Woman, what is your problem?"

"It's Derrick and his wife."

"Did he re-marry her?"

"I don't know, that's not the point. I don't want any more drama so hide me."

They did but of course, they had commentary. "So does she only wear halter tops? I think every time you describe this chick, she rocking a halter." "He looks miserable." and most notably. "Well Chele, you do have a type, don't you?"

Hmm. Thought worthy. I peeked over Jayme's shoulder to look at Derrick. The only thing that he and 3N have in common at a glance is that they are both tall and chocolate. But okay, I'll own it. I have a type. Tall, dark, professional, articulate, confident with a sense of humor. That's me all day. Not saying I haven't dated outside of type but invariably, I find myself gravitating to that "type." But far more important than the exterior, I've gotten really picky about character traits. My friend Shirley says I keep dating improved versions of the same guy.

Le Bougie Shrug. I know what I like. But is that what's good for me? Time will tell. One of my friends, Jazz; always dated light-skinned boisterous, life of the party athletes who didn't take life too seriously. She married Bryan, a tech dude with a quiet wit who only plays sports if it comes in Xbox form. He has a 20-year life plan. So who knows?

Bougieland, I put the question to you? What's your type? Do you admit to having one? Do you date outside of it? For the married folks, did you marry someone that was your "type" or not? Have you all stopped to think whether your "prototype" is really the best person for you? Just curious. Do share...

94 comments:

Curvy Jones said...

Breathing. With teeth and hair and gainful employment. Past that, it varies.

LOL!  I think I know more what I don't like than what I do. I have to admit when I see a bigger guy (not thickneck linebacker big, but southern big boy big) that is dressed nicely (well fitting, clean, ironed, not baggy) and seems to take pride in his appearance, my eyes follow him until he's out of sight. 

Mony_Mony said...

A friend and I were talking about this recently.  Although I don't consciously seek them out, my type is dark-skinned, slim, nicely dressed (but not too metro), smart, well-read quietly confident, quirky men.  Mehcad Brooks is the archetype of my standard, at least physically.  I don't stick to my type while dating, so I haven't really thought about whether my type is the best person for me.

bashowell said...

My friends and I have discussed this before.  They all have types and it's everyone's conclusion (me included) that I don't have a type.  None of the dudes I've been in serious relationships with have anything in common - not physically, not emotionally, not professionally, not by lifestyle...nothing.  They have been any color, any size, with kids, without kids, single, divorced, openly ratchet, non-ratchet to the point of comatose...

Natasha Hunter said...

"I like 'em brown, yellow, puerto rican or haitian.."

I don't really have a type that I go for, it's more of what I don't go for.  A sense of humor, intellect, openess and confidence are the most important factors.

Brneyed1 said...

Hmm, physically? Dark skin, with shoulders from here to next year. Broad shoulders make me W.E.A.K. *sigh*

Absent that, a man who is gainfully employed, can make me laugh, likes to travel, and can hold his own in any situation. After that, everything else is negotiable.

Grace said...

Just as I was about to say I don't have a type, my friend at work looked over at started laughing at me. Apparently, I'm team geek chic with a sense of humor. And so far - that's not working for me.

Shondra Cooper said...

Hello!  Long time lurker, first time poster.  I was just talking about this with a friend earlier this week.  I do have a type - I prefer my men tall (since I'm just under 6 feet), caramel complexion, athletic, educated, confident, a nice smile, and a great sense of humor.  What I've been finding out lately is that I've been dating guys that aren't my type and it's been fun.  So, while I know what I prefer, I'm not gonna rule out guys just because they don't fit "the type".  I might be missing out on something good.

keishabrown said...

after each failed experience, i try to examine if i've been here before with the same kind of guy.
needless to say, the only thing they really have in common is that they are men and they are black. 
physically im all over the map, emotionally (dont get me started), career-wise (corporate to blue collar), local to long-distance. 

im letting 'society' ruin me and my wee lil heart cant take it no mo! (lol). im told not to have a type, to lower standards, and to give a chance to the dude that might not fit my original list (which i also dont really have) and that shows potential...and look what it gets me! 

so in closing, i think not having a type and being able to clearly define the type of person you want, is just as much a detriment as it can be to have rigid views on what you must have. there needs to be a balance and i just might take some time (and advice to AD from yesterday) to sit and make me a list (check it twice, ask for someone naughty and nice!). 

Rob said...

Funny you should ask. The girl I'm marrying is completely different from anyone I've dated before in looks, personality and manner. So there you have it.

Mykeia said...

Well, well, well...it seems like a lot happened at the park this weekend...
I'm in the married category and I married young, (too young) but even then I knew that I had a type:  had to be tall, funny, out-going, smart, liked to be employed, anti-d.v. and liked to try new things.  Got it.  The last boyfriend was all of the above but didn't like to work and loved his Mortal Kombat, NBA/NHL/NFL video games and Sega DreamCast.
The spouse that I have of almost 15 years is me all day long and just my type.

Jeannette said...

An Alpha male.... medium to tall in height, great smile, broad back, ambitious, pursuing his passion, smells good, manicured hands, loves to laugh (and is funny), has rhythm, respectful, PUNCTUAL ....... i could go on but i'll stop there :)

NY2VA said...

I have always preferred my men to be tall, brown, athletic, smart, and funny.  My high school sweetheart was the prototype and it really just stuck with me.   Most of the guys I dated in college fit this mold, for the most part.  They didn't have to be collegiate athletes (I preferred if they weren't) but they definitely needed to look like they had played some ball (preferably football) in high school.   The disappointing thing was that  no one ever quite fit the mold completely.   There was always something lacking... something missing... a curl that just didn't quite turn all the way over.  But praise Buff Jesus (whose image also matches my type) my high school sweetheart and I reunited some years later and this Saturday we will have been married for 12 years.  So did I marry my type?  Sure did!

Earthangel172 said...

I like em tall, dark and handsome. However, I subconsciously have a top 5 requirement that must be met...Christian, independent, confident, financially stable and  hella funny. FWIW, I meet my own requirements myself, plus I think I'm easy on the eyes too.

thinklikeRiley said...

Supermodel Rhodes Scholar with porn star tendencies
**crickets**
I'll let myself out.

rozb said...

Physically - I have run the gamut, so I can't really say I have a type. Younger, older, Black, White, Hispanic, tall, short...you get the idea.

I am about to marry a wonderful man that has all the qualities I ever wanted in a man and then some. Funny thing is, even though this is what I was looking for, I kept meeting and dating totally opposite of this. The positive thing I can take away from the past experiences is I can seriously appreciate what I have in front of me.

rozb said...

"So, while I know what I prefer, I'm not gonna rule out guys just because
they don't fit "the type".  I might be missing out on something good
"You hit the nail on the head! Some of the best relationships are started from thinking outside the box.

TNDRHRT said...

My type...no thugs/thug like tendencies need apply. Everyone else I will consider as long as they are legally and gainfully employed, love the Lord, and is respectful. I think I have a personality type more so than a physical type. No two guys I've dated in the past look a like, but they share similar character traits. I'm drawn to the nerds.

TNDRHRT said...

*are respectful....

md_KG said...

This has got to be the first time in my life I've seen the terms "Rhodes Scholar" and "porn star tendencies" used in the same sentence! BWAHAHAHA!!!! Only you Riley!

angelasherell said...

Laid back, funny, smart, honey colored tall and lean is my preference.  Always catches my eye.  But honesty, trustworthiness and integrity rule !

Brandon St.Randy said...

I think there's a thin line between having a "type" which limits you so much that you disqualify good matches and being so open that you'll waste your time with people who you're clearly not that interested in. Here's my general type:

1. Intellect: Intelligent and able to carry on a conversation and inspire me with her thoughts
2. Personality: Kind, Easy going, funny, and doesn't take herself to seriously
3. Physically: Athletic/Brick house, sharp features, hair from baldie to down her back. I have a weakness for tall, slim girls with a donkey, big lips, and a wide smile.
4. Career-wise: All over the map. Last two girlfriends were lawyers, current is a model/brand manager. But I think enjoying and being passionate about what you do makes a much happier person/couple

Instant incompatibilities:
1. Those tight face girls who never smile
2. Women who think God wants their Pastor to drive a Bentley and wear custom 6-button suits
3. Women who spend an inordinate amount of time keeping up with the Joneses
4. Regional accents so thick they're classified as their own dialect

taut_7 said...

physically i don't have a type. not at all. i love women period. tall, short, thick (read: not fat), light, dark. as long as she looks good (to me) then i don't have a type. if you matched up all the women i've ever dated seriously none of them look alike. 

CorettaJG said...

Hmm.  After considering my ex-husband and past two serious relationships, I indeed have a type.  Tall,  military background, 5+ years older, southern, swagger, professional, ambitious (and also apparently with an ex-wife, baby mama, 2 or more kids, searching for a more personal relationship with God *sigh* SMH).
I'm still trying to figure out why, given that my ideal should be some young, handsome, ambitious pastor, I keep ending up with the "black sheep" brother (who is a fighter pilot, attorney or ex athlete).

I decided to try something new.  I'm currently being courted by a gentleman who emerged from friend zone.  He's a musician/dancer/educator, entrepreneur, under 6 feet, calm and thoughtful, mature relationship with the Lord, no ex-wife, no baby mama, the kids he supports are in Uganda.  So far, so good.

MsJamie14 (CaliSlim) said...

I'm knocking on 6 feet myself, so I like em tall. I used to go for the basketball player build, but more "teddy bears" have been making it out of boot camp.

I'm more into character traits myself. I like the extroverts, confident, a lil snarky but the "nice guy" too.

Heck, if I could find the male version of myself I'd be set. LOL

Javalicious said...

Physically, I'm all over the map but personality wise - he has to be able to talk to me about any and everything. I don't do strong & silent. He has to be open to new experiences and emotionally available. Yes, I bolded that. Sense of humor is a must have. Integrity is a no brainer. Give me those and the rest is negotiable.

maureen palmer said...

I like them  intelligent, sense of humor, dark, tall, athletic and lawfully making their own money.

Andrea M said...

*Scans comments below* God, I love when a man says he doesn't have a type but is sure to point out "not fat" - that is so uberSexy. :-/ If women were as hung up on d**k length as men were on weight... don't get me started.

I don't have a type either. I love men. Tall, short, dark, bright, talented (read: no limp d**k), employed (read: No Pookie). As long as he is good to me, I'm all good.

Natasha Hunter said...

I need to add stylish to this. Very important. Preferably not "on trend", but have a definite "peacock-ness" to him.

GrownAzzMan said...

I have a type. Married outside it once but that won't be happening again. I like what I like.

Espresso said...

I definitely have a type, although I haven't always dated my type, but I definitely have one. Tall (just because you are taller than me does not make you tall). 6' plus is what I consider tall. I like an athletic build (read sprinter type), nice lips, gorgeous eyes. I used to favor Carmel color - delicious, but now I have now found that dark chocolate is delectable-slurrrpppp! Oops sorry is this too much information.....

GrownAzzMan said...

Winning all day! IJS

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Apart from 'not a selfish, ill-mannered, violent, controlling, manipulative, tight-fisted bastard', I'm not solid on a Type. I guess a Type will become more defined the more I (eventually) explore what's out there.

Jazzy Jazz said...

Tall , silly , respectful, loves Jesus, someone who can take the lead. At this point I dont really care if they are vanilla or chocolate 

keishabrown said...

only riley. 
*steals & tweets this. 

OneChele said...

Dallas yes. Allen/Frisco - no.

blackprofessor said...

I used to have a physical type - tall and dark with smooth skin (ala Idris Elba).  to be fair, I have dated my share of light-skinned guys but sexy, dark-skinned men have always made me swoon.  Now, I just need to be physically attracted to your package and we can check the vibe to see what else is going on.   

Earthangel172 said...

If women were as hung up on d**k length as men were on weight... don't get me started.

::DEAD::

Reecie said...

I always say I don't have a type, but I do have a preferred physical type that on sight makes me swoon. it usually involves caramel complexion, gorgeous smile, kinda tall but not too lanky, and great style. But I've dated and ended up in relationships with everything and more. none of my boyfriends have ever looked the same. 

BlackButterfly said...

Ahhh... memories of that Dallas heat (Used to reside in Frisco).

As far a type, I have never really had one.  I have always been able to appreciate sexy regardless of the packaging.  Initially someone with great eyes, a fabulous smile and nice lips has always been my ON switch.

Character qualities that I require are: personable, responsible, confident, intelligent, kind, respectful, calm and huggable.  I know huggable has nothing to do with character but I love to feel as if that spot feels specifically designed for me.

J B said...

Physically, no.  They've been all races, heights, sizes.

As far as the rest, I like extremely intelligent, funny, nice.  Being a musician is a plus.  Unfortunately, no one I've dated since the 90s has fit this description.

SingLikeSassy said...

My husband is skinny, glasses, nerdy. And I love-ed me some him. We are well-matched in many ways, which is why it's so disappointing that things didn't work out.

If I have a type it's taller than me (which is not hard, I am 5 ft tall!), kind, generous, well-read, well-traveled, family-oriented. And funny. Must be funny.

A friend said once that she had never seen me with a guy who was rough around the edges, that I always dated someone who looked good on paper. And on reflection, that's probably true. I've had long-term relationships with a medical student and a corporate attorney who had a pilot's license and family money. I've dated an Ivy Leaguer who was studying to be a patent attorney; a physicist; an aspiring filmmaker and an accountant.

I am most attracted to men in altruistic/artistic fields -- teachers, musicians, journalists etc. I like the idea that they are committed to something other than making money to spend.

Leon X said...

OK I waited until past noon to see if someone was gonna post this before I would. I guess it's on me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F01fzPwBwc4

Cha Keziah said...

I was asked just this weekend by a friend I've had a crush on for awhile what my type is. I wanted to say "you." Too much?? I didn't say that...

I don't really care too much about looks - like many of the other
ladies, I'm but a glance away from 6' so height matters. As one of my
friends said to me: if they're tall, you think they're cute!  Seriously, though, I think my type is really simple: Loves Jesus, loves me, loves to work, loves kids. In that order. I can work with just about anything beyond that.

jake said...

My type? Shorter than me, smarter than me, nicer than me, sexier than me, as ambitious as me, as into to family as me. My plan is to marry up.

I appreciate all the colors of the rainbow and all the shapes in the fruit basket. 

Cha Keziah said...

oh, I just realized I should add: kids love him. Kids have the radar and can pick out the crazies. I can't tell you the amount of times the kids I've worked with have said: "I don't like him, Chocolate. He's weird."AND HE WAS! Test them out on the kids, I'm telling you.

GuessImJay said...

#TeamEqualOpportunity
I've dated every color in the rainbow. I've dated 100 lb woman and 250 lb women. I've dated short, tall and everything in between. I'm about the confidence, chemistry and compatibility. Even if I'm not initially attracted to looks, a woman can talk her way in with mad conversational skills and a killer smile backed up by smarts, common sense and an easy going nature. Sounds easy enough to find, right?

Brandon St.Randy said...

Isn't that just the flip side of how a lot of women seem to have a preference for taller men?

Jeannette said...

Word!

tishatweets said...

Hmm...I know what my preference is. But I've learned that I can be physically attracted to men that fall outside of that preference. I've also learned that, while I need to be able to look at him and not feel like I'm going to retch, looks are the LEAST of my concern. Because you can look good and lack integrity, not be a Christian, hate kids, have a poor work ethic, and be a horrible steward of your time, talents, and monies. These aspects of a man are much, much more important to me.

FreeBlackMan said...

There's a difference between preference and prejudice. Type and typecasting.

JaymeC said...

"I keep dating improved versions of the same guy" If you know what works for you, this is actually a great way to end up with what you want. I had a blurry prototype in my mind (way back when I started dating) and kept adding pieces and sharpness to the total picture as I dated. When I met Mr. Carter, he was the best medley of all the things I liked in previous dates. 

JaymeC said...

Yes and no. Large women can lose weight, short men stay short. So one is a variable, the other is an absolute.

L.P. said...

I'm team geek chic with a sense of humor

Team Geek for the win.

MichelleG said...

I'll have the male version please and thank you :)

Jason P said...

Food for thought.

Jason P said...

Wait... what? 

Jason P said...

*fist bump*

Jason P said...

We see you

Jason P said...

No. As a matter of fact, feel free to share more.

Jason P said...

Never thought of it like that at all. Interesting

Jason P said...

Not being snarky, but I would like a definition of emotionally available.

Jason P said...

My man.

md_KG said...

Yes Dr Jayme! I think you've nailed what I was trying to put into words. I'm not sure I have a type (i.e. physical type). I feel like I'm more focused on the character traits and open to whatever package it comes in.

bashowell said...

Lol @ lawfully.  But f'real, though...

Mykeia said...

Good luck and high five! You had me at "the kids he supports are in Uganda" <==FTW!

Mykeia said...

Co-sign on emotionally available...I know two women that are now divorced because their mates became emotionally unavailable. :-(

Mykeia said...

Me too!

Mykeia said...

"I know huggable has nothing to do with character but I love to feel as if that spot feels specifically designed for me."....ahhhh...co-sign.

michaeldavis said...

Witty, intelligent, intellectually curious, cares about the world in some way...
has knowledge of a stove (don't have to cook every night, but some nights at least), ...and must want kids (I have none).

For a while I kept ending up with ice queens that were sweet until I committed to them. Here's hoping that never happens again.

Mykeia said...

"cares about the world in some way..." Bravo!

Digital Eve said...

emotionally available = able to trust me with his most vulnerable self; let's me take care of him emotionally sometimes (I am a soldier as well! I can carry bricks for him if need be); able to speak to me about his fears, hesitations, doubts and hopes in our relationship a.k.a what he thinks of me and 'us'.

I only know this b/c I just came out of a relationship with the most stoic, emotionally unavailable man in the world!

Digital Eve said...

An alpha male who loves to take charge; A man that thinks with his heart; extremely high sense of integrity; makes honesty and communication the #1 priority in any relationship; capable of vulnerability and 'handing over the baton' when need be; a provider and protector.

Physically: the taller the better; defined back; strong and masculine; but this is always interchangeable. 

Jason P said...

Thank you - puts a little more clarity there

michaeldavis said...

thank you :)

Brandon St.Randy said...

Fair point. I think I was more responding to the implied sentiment that somehow it's invalid or ridiculous that a large percentage of men have a certain physical preference when a a lrge % of women also have their own preferences

Natasha Hunter said...

Carry bricks, put gun powder in the musket, squeeze water for the canteen from plants... only in wartime tho'  LOL
 I feel you, DE

BB Waite said...

The hubs was t he exact opposite of what I'd dated in the past and that was a good thing. The minute I saw him, I knew. whatever my "type" was before, it all went out the window when I met him. 

Brenda Kay said...

Me three! :-)

PennyPocket said...

In my head my type is ambitious, funny, honest and dependable with a great smile. In real life I tend to attract caramel-colored  liars and people who haven't seemed to master the art of being on time.

I don't care if a guy is short, tall, light, dark, fat or slim. As long as his face won't cause me to let out a high-pitched scream if I happened to wake up and see it on the other side of my bed, he's just fine for me.

TNDRHRT said...

My type...no thugs/thug like tendencies need apply. Everyone else I will consider as long as they are legally and gainfully employed, love the Lord, and are respectful. I think I have a personality type more so than a physical type. No two guys I've dated in the past look a like, but they share similar character traits. I'm drawn to the nerds.

maureen palmer said...

*jumps of a tall building* I attract short men, granted I'm 5'5. There is no way I can make a short man tall? SMH

Pure Choco said...

Guy who plays Hardison on Leverage - sexy geek, real sweet? Yes please.

Melzie said...

Totally off-topic, Chele...but do they have some sorta access to your social calendar? Their tails randomly show up too doggone often...lol

Moabmu said...

When I was on the dating scene, I had a general type: tall, slim, smart, handsome, witty.

I absolutely married my 'type' with bonus features - tall (6'3), slim, insanely intelligent, confident/secure, creative, professional; emotionally sound, stable and available; loving, ambitious, driven, spontaneous, has a sense of humor; not a thug or thuggish, yet has 'street smarts'; has strict moral codes, loyal, great conversationalist; easy on the eyes, caring, articulate, life-long learner, willing to think outside the box, family oriented, goal setter & attainer.

sugahoneyicedtea said...

Moabmu just described my type ;-)

David Chase said...

Something to be said for dating "outside the box" - instead of settling for the same old, same old - maybe stepping up to the next level a little outside your comfort zone. Try it, you may like it.

tiffanyinhouston said...

I married the new, improved and much more affectionate version of my father. My husband is chocolate colored, a Leo, and is as loud and gregarious as my daddy. However he is a much better communicator than my old school daddy.

I definitely have a type, darker skinned, teddy bear type guys who are overly emo. All my long term relationships have been with those type of men, except for one. The one guy that wasn't like those men, I have to admit I wasn't totally turned on by and of course, it didn't work out. But as far as dating, I liked them older and any shade of the mocha rainbow.

Singlelif said...

I've always cared more about a persons character than what they look like.  But seriously, I like him taller than my 5'9, and with some weight on him (a few muscles ain't neva hurt nobody), emotionally, financially and mentally stable, and able to handle his own issues. Everything else I can work with...or move on to the next.

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

Hmm good question. I think I don't have an exterior type...but I definitely want to hear "college educated, professional, community involved" somewhere up in there. O and I lied...exterior type...must be black. Anything else just doesn't do it for me.

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

welp...outside of the physical view i like...

the last few women...hmm...lets just say that the last few women i've been interested in, either are in, or would make good candidates for a certain sorority. dunno what it is. *shrug*

storm529 said...

Late as alwyays...

Physically....mocha skin tone, sexy eyes,  juicy-succulent lips, shapely figure, and stylish dresser.

Chararcter...intelligent, ambitious, funny (must be funny), affectionate, confident, and tells the truth.

One last thing:  Must love dogs.

storm529 said...

Personality:  intelligent, funny, ambitious, confident, caring and tells the truth.

Physical:  mocha, juicy-kissable lips, shapely figure, and stylish dresser.

One last thing:  Must love dogs

Just Ang said...

Right!

The second I saw the names I couldnt stop myself from thinking, "JESUS be a brick! Ms Chele must some spam ware in her computer because that cant be normal." Just how small is this town?!?

Kim (✿◠‿◠) said...

 I like a man with some good conversation,  has to make me laugh, jesus lover, dreds and  a big old truck. The  bigger the truck he drives, the better and  the other cliche stuff..

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