Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Dating like Goldilocks - a guest post by @AnotherWord43

After my last Bougie Bachelorette Chronicle, I'm taking a break from blogging my own relationship adventures. I'll be soliciting some of you all to share your stories. Today, Trey Charles (also known as @AnotherWord43) has agreed to tell his story. Show him some love, won't you?

Stop. Wait a minute. I didn't say I'm dating Goldilocks. I'm an equal opportunity dater with a strong preference for #TeamSistaGirl. I said I'm dating like Goldilocks. Lemme 'splain.

I just turned 35. I'm degreed, employed, a homeowner and mighty fine to look at if I do say so myself. And I do. I was in a long relationship, about seven years but our careers took us to opposite sides of the country and neither of us made the effort to keep the relationship in tact after our moves. I know, that bears more scrutiny but not right now. Lately my dating history reads like a dark and twisted fairy tale: one girl is too much this and the next girl is too little that, I can't seem to find the one who fits just right. 

After the last three dates, Chele tells me I'm not allowed to pick my own companions for a while. Apparently, I'm only allowed to accept referral candidates from here on out. Le Manly Sigh. Here's what happened with the last three:

Bachelorette #1 - Meet her through a work friend at happy hour. She was pretty, articulate, sexy in an understated way, a little fancy. But I like that. We had good conversation. We had good first date. After that first date (no cocoa), she started calling and texting... a lot. Like we went out Saturday and by Monday she had asked me several (more than 7) times when we were going out again. I saw Fatal Attraction. I wasn't waiting on the boiling bunny. Next.

Bachelorette #2 - Meet her at church. Sweet, cute, a little conservative but that's not always a bad thing. On our second date, I took her to a dinner with the fellas and their s/o's. Yes, she wore a sweater set and pearls in June to a jazz spot. Yes she ordered a salad. Yes she was quiet and did not keep up with the banter. I assumed it was that she was shy. Plus in comparison to the other ladies there (Jazz is in marketing, Michele is a writer, Ivy is in sales) she wasn't going to fare well in communication comparison. But she's just a really reserved (to the point of uptight) woman. In all things... very, very quiet and conservative. That's all I"m going ot say about that. Next.

Bachorlette #3 - Meet her in the mall. She walked up to me and struck up a conversation. I liked the boldness. We talked a few times and went to a movie. Not bad. Took her to a cookout on Saturday night and found out that the boldness was actually brashness. Like she talked real reckless with no filter. Example? She announced that "Bougie black people are what's wrong with America today. If Obama had more hood in him, we could see some real change." Girlie, know your audience. She was at a party where me, Wil, John, David, Jay, Owen, Jayme, BB - all people who frequent a site called BougieLand were in attendance. Three-fourths of the party went silent. The other fourth ignored her. She went on and on and finally noticed that no one was feeling her. Chele was looking upward in prayer trying so clearly not to engage.

Girlie realized everyone was taking their cues from Chele so she starts going in on how bougie bitches lose their men to real sistahs like her because they had no bed game. She said something to David and I didn't even hear what her next sentence was but I did hear Michele tell her she needed to buy a clue and catch a case of sit-yo-ass-down. What followed thereafter shall forever be known as Michele's Epic Ether. She shredded this chick.You all have read a OneChele rant, right? Well dial it up, add a bougie twang and technicolor and you have this. Some highlights:
Chele telling girlie her weave looked like she bought it from from a crackhead's grocery cart. (Okay, the hair was a little tragic)
Chele making some sort of rhyme involving wide hips, loose lips and drop kicks. (I don't know exactly what she said but it was Grammy worthy)
Chele telling girlie that what she truly needed was a stiff drink, a stiffer d**k and an attitude adjustment. (At which point the ENTIRE backyard went "Ooooo Shit!") 
Girlie burst into tears and ran out front. Then I remembered that she came with me and I had to slink out to take her ratchet-ass home. She told me that my friends were "mean" and I should have stood up for her. Excuse me? Ya'll know what time it is... Next.

I'm taking a page out of Michele's book and taking a dating hiatus. Clearly I need to reflect or get perspective or whatever. So there's my chronicle, dissect away. 

BougieLand, in my defense I'd had a long day, three drinks and it was hot. But enough about me, based on what you've heard about Trey's dating shenanigans -what should he do differently (if anything)? What kind of woman should he date next? And shouldn't he wait until a few dates in to bring them around the entire crew? Thoughts, comments, insights?

112 comments:

Reads4Pleasure said...

Tre, pumpkin, I say this with all sincerity. It's not them, it's you. Except for that first one. That was probably her. It may have been awhile since he had a date and a prospect such as yourself was a bit overwhelming for her.  Those other two though? Oh muffin, those were all on you.

Did you except the conservative chick to turn into a wild child? Did you expect she'd fling the pearls off and let down her hair in some innocent librarian goes wild fantasy?  And the third chick? Stop mistaking being hood and loud for being bold.  That's not bold, that's just a lack of good home training. 

While you're on your dating hiatus, how about you make a list of what you're looking for or something? Go read a book. Get reacquainted with your feminine side. Ok, let me quit because I'm cackling on the inside at these suggestions.  BUT, by no means should you bring any more of your dates around the Dallas Bougie Crew until you've fully vetted them yourself.  And I don't mean one date or stir of the cocoa.  Get to know these women before you bring them to the slaughter.  

Water seeks its own level. Stop looking for the muddy Mississippi when Dasani would do you so much better.

Lady Ngo said...

Well one thing i can definitely say is that you shouldn't bring anybody around your friends/fam until you know them for sure. That little tidbit could have helped you avoid the scenario with bachelorette #2 and #3.

Since i don't know how #3 approached you, other than the fact that she was the "approacher" I can't say that you knew/could tell she was hood-tastic from the first meeting. But again, making sure you get to know the person before you go introducing them to others and thus somewhat co-signing their behavior is key.

Just based off of the variety in these 3 women, i would agree that you could take some time off of the dating scene and think about what it is that you are really look for.

Mykeia said...

Trey, slow it down with bringing the ladies around the friends so soon...
Why are you dating women that refer to other women as bitches?  Too old for that.  Really too old.
Thank you for sharing your story and good for you for realizing that yes, you may need to take a dating break.
Good luck and be well.

maureen palmer said...

Trey, at this very spefic moment what is it that you are looking for in a relationship?   Because  your encounters could  be the type of energy you are putting out there. Just  a thought. In event , a hiatus from dating is not a bad idea, sometimes you just need to plug in differently.

Crystal said...

Ok,  I was talking to my computer screen yelling What!!! I can't believe she said that, in reference to the third girl!!!  I rarely do that so I must have been touched by that particular paragraph!!!

Also, Trey you should definitely wait a while before bringing your dates around your friends/family.  It is nerve racking enough trying to get comfortable and get to know someone new while dating, imagine how it feels to do this while under the glaring spotlight of your dates closest friends.  I am not shy, but personally I would feel a little overwhelmed going out on a date with you... and your crew (because that is really what it is, everyone there is feeling this woman out and trying to see how she really is) and it is only the second or third date.  This could create a situation where being overwhelmed, feeling like an outsider, or feeling nervous could be misconstrued as being uptight or boring.  Give (some of) these women and your self a break and allow her to get to know just you and you to know her (just in the beginning at least).

rozb said...

I kinda saw the Twittah feed about the weekend bash, wishing I could have been there and all, but this right here: " Chele telling girlie her weave looked like she bought it from from a
crackhead's grocery cart. (Okay, the hair was a little tragic)

Chele making some sort of rhyme involving wide hips, loose lips and drop
kicks. (I don't know exactly what she said but it was Grammy worthy)

Chele telling girlie that what she truly needed was a stiff drink, a
stiffer d**k and an attitude adjustment. (At which point
the ENTIRE backyard went "Ooooo Shit!")
"

I almost needed a new keyboard. Coffee went out my nose instead (thanks Chele for representing and showing how we play Bougie Dozens!)

Trey, from this sampling, you seem to have an - uh - um - uneven - dating life. You went from possible fatal attraction to too shy to totally ratchet in a fairly short period of time. Wow. Think about this, Trey. If you throw balls at a target on a really big wall, and you are just flinging them any whicha way (yeah, whicha) you are bound to hit something. It may not be your target, but it's something. Stop flinging your balls all over the place!!!!

You need focus, Trey. Being the suave, debonair man you claim to be (I dunno - just going on what you tellin' me) you simply cannot date without discernment. Date past your eyes and crotch dude. And try to have just a little more time between meeting them and them meeting your friends. Next time Chele might pull a combo Pilates/Yoga move and bougie kick someone's A. I'm just sayin'...

MsJamie14 (CaliSlim) said...

*mouth hangs open*

*crickets chirp*

*tumbleweed rolls by*

LOL. Yeah, you definitely need to get to KNOW these women before you bring em around others. The women you date DO reflect on you! Good thing you didn't take em to work functions!

Is there some reason why the single guys in your crew feel the need to always bring a date while y'all hang? As often the single one in mine, it's not always fun being solo, but it's also no big deal. It's not that serious to bring  just any ole "warm body" just to say I brought  someone. Besides, women definitely read more  into meeting friends and family this early. (1st or 2nd date, for realz???)  

Any of the single sistas down roll to Dallas for intervention purposes and to show these fellas how it's done? (Tragic weave? Abort mission! Do not even accept phone #! Da hell?!)

Jeannette said...

I also have been privy to the tweets about how Trey's dates don't mesh with the Bougie crew.  **sigh** First and foremost, be discerning.  Sounds like you are in that phase that many dudes who just got out of a recent long term relationship go through.  They tend to get with any and anybody because they are used to being with someone.  Get used to showing up to events by yourself, it's ok! I personally think you cheat your friends out of a good time when you show up with random chicks. It's comedic fodder, but in the end it says more about you than the women you show up with.    

Carl said...

I have to admit, bringing them around your crew so early is a really bad call.  But on the other hand, I just knew that certain folks would make this all out to be his fault?  The predictability is just shocking sometimes. 
Here’s the way I see it: #1 sounds like the typical desperate type in her 30s who has everything together on the surface and sees him as the missing piece to her life.  That’s not his fault and he made the right call by just avoiding her, because it will only get worse.  #2: now he might have pulled the trigger a little too quickly on this one because church girls tend to be a lot of fun...in certain ways.  But whatever, that date was an interview and she failed, so move on.  #3: I’m guessing he could see her ratchet-ness from the jump, but she had “other assets” that made him overlook all that.  Again, that was just a bad call bringing her around the crew so early.  But hey it happens.

Your girl "C" said...

I agree that bringing dates around friends and fam early isn't the best idea.  Not every date can handle that kind of pressure.  Get to know her and let her know you first (over a few dates in different settings).  Maybe introduce her to one or two friends at a time, not the whole dang crew at once!  A dinner or a cookout "seems" like a relaxed setting to get to know someone but it's not.  You're better off with activities where everyone's main focus is something else (softball game, bowling, spectator sport, concert).

sol_dier said...

Hello Trey, You sound like fun! but unfocused fun :(  
Re: girl2:  sweater set?? what is it and why does it matter? (googling doesn't clarify) Did you tell her where you were inviting her to?. Dress code? e.t.c. or was she supposed to magically guess?

Whats wrong with ordering a salad? Might be allergic, fasting, not like the style of food, already eaten, nervous or uncomfortable.
A second date with a bunch of your friends can be overwhelming and sounds like a setup
You are surrounded by all your friend and she is surrounded by a group of strangers. Sounds kinda inconsiderate

I dunno (shrugs) from this little snapshot it sounds like you want a person who 'automagically' fits in with your life - the end.  
p.s.  fine might help, but it ain't got anything on:  'I feel comfortable when I'm around him'.

Good luck! Hope you find your perfect match :)

Your girl "C" said...

Just an observation but I think that the "solo roll" may be a regional thing.  All of my Cali-bred friends and family who've moved to the South say that folks tend to bring company when they go places down there.  

CorettaJG said...

"Ruh-roh!"  Sounds like the picker is off.  *snickering*

Definitely need to wait a little longer before bringing these new people around your people.  Sounds like your issue is not meeting people with potential, it's finding out enough about them.  Are you sure you all are actually "talking" to one another on these dates?

Chele, that doesn't sound like a fair fight went down at the BBQ. Lol!

CorettaJG said...

Well said!

Earthangel172 said...

Clearly Bachelorette #3 pissed Chele off.....LOL

I'm 31 and single. I can tell you that the pickings are slim these days. A hiatus is good when you're newly single because it gives you some breathing room. It gives you an opportunity to really put your needs and wants first, wherein you're less likely to carry baggage from one relationship to the next. Bachelorette #3 was way too forward in her approach so she should have never met the crew.

My only advice to Trey is:

1. Be more picky
2. Don't bring e'rbody around the crew.

CorettaJG said...

I don't know.  I was wondering about bringing these abrupt dates to the gatherings all willy-nilly as well. I'm from Louisiana, have lived in the south most of my life until now, I'm not familiar with the concept that you need a date for all this stuff.  *shrug*

Earthangel172 said...

"what is it and why does it matter?"

In Trey's defense, it's hot as Hades in Texas. I live in Houston and it is always hot and humid. So wearing a sweater set in June, where the heat index is usually 100+ degrees, is certainly out of place and tad bit too formal for a night out with friends. I'm just sayin...

Earthangel172 said...

#cosign

I'm from Houston by way of Shreveport and I have never heard of this.

rozb said...

"You sound like fun! but unfocused fun :( "

Exactly. You can't date with the attention span and focus of a puppy. They run and play with any old thing and are distracted very easily by traffic, smells, squirrels...

Stay off the curb, Trey...

MonP said...

He didn't pull the trigger too quick. If I'm not mistaken, #2 made a previous appearance on BnB - Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 11: Revenge of the hit-n-quit chick

GrownAzzMan said...

*Bill Clinton Voice* I feel your pain. I guess in the interest of Bruh-solidarity I shouldn't point out that I'm happy its you and not me huh...
Moving on. Your story is not unusual but I am glad you told it. So many women think that there are great women everywhere just waiting on a good man. Your story shows the other side of the coin. One thing I know is true is that there is one out there for you. Don't give up, this is all a part of the process. I would get to know them a little better before I took anyone to meet 'Chele an nem IJS...

GrownAzzMan said...

" Stop flinging your balls all over the place!!!!"

Really rozb?

ASmith said...

So it was YOU who brought girlie to the part?.  Lawd... Lawd... er'body just ain't able (that's referring to her, not you... you're fine).

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I feel like Girl #1 MIGHT coulda made it.  Did we let her know she was doing the most, yet the least with the texting?  Some people have to be told.  I know that's terrible, but welcome to 2011.

I mean if you can't meet the proper woman at church, your job or the mall, where are you posta go??  Alls we got left is the internet.  That could be fun.  No?  Let's talk about it.  It could be a whole series in BougieLand: "Charles Does the Internet"

Ok, the title needs work, but this could be epic.

Angela said...

It just seems to me that most of things reveal themselves early on in one on one conversation but I get the impression you are focusing on other aspects.

sol_dier said...

Fair enough. 
The thing is, if he picked her up he could have discreetly said 'oh, snap I should have mentioned where we are going...' or whatever. 
I dunno, maybe Trey likes the whole comedic value of the situation, dunno. I mean you don't let someone you wanna be with make a fool of themselves. 

Trey sounds funny and all,  but not very thoughtful within 2/3 of this snapshot

rozb said...

Where is your mind at, GAM? I am totally innocent here - just trying to help.

C Nelson said...

Yes, #2 was his date the night that HnQ acted up. She was not HnQ, however, so I do think the fact that she was quiet and a little formal maybe should not have been reason to ditch her after the second date. (After all, would you rather HnQ's non-reserve?) I ... don't want to meet your crew on our second date. Any more than I want to meet your family on the first date. Can I get to know you before we turn the pressure on?

Jazzy Jazz said...

Trey, how about we not bring every fling around your friends-especially if you arent sure of them yet. Chele is one HELL of a woman , and I can assume that Jazz is too - so lets not bring fuel to the fire. If you  see that the woman is ratchet - you know Chele is gonna notice it and then some. Which then leads to a not so pretty scene- as evidenced by #3- which could have been avoided if you had just said hey are my friends gonna approve of her.  

Maybe stop looking for love too. I have heard that you cant find love , love has to find you...

BlackButterfly said...

Reads 4 Pleasure and RozB pretty much covered all the bases!

Dating can be rough but it is much worse when we don't take the time to screen "candidates" in a manner that is more thorough.  Take the time, take the time, take the time to do that because at some point when you continue coming up empty because you didn't invest the time... you could end up taking a trip down an even worse rabbit hole!

C Nelson said...

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read about #3.  Trey, give your dates some time before you bring them home. And yeah, your crew is almost as much "home" as your family is. I've still never met my first husband's family in person, even though the relationship lasted two years and the marriage itself one (lasted far longer on paper) and I'm okay with that. The other long-term relationships I've had, we started introducing each other around after a couple of months. Not weeks, and definitely not dates. Months.

When you bring me to your friends, how I act with them is going to depend a lot on how much you've told me about the way you interact with them and how comfortable I am with you. (If I stick my foot in my mouth accidentally, are you going to know what I meant to say and help translate for me, or am I on the hook alone? Did you tell me enough about your friends to help me avoid putting my foot in my mouth in the first place?) On a second date, I don't know any of that, so rather than be That Chick who didn't know her audience, yeah, I'm going to be the quietest mouse that ever was seen and not heard until I get my bearings. The nail that sticks up is the one you hammer down, you know?

Veronica Miller said...

*facepalm*

Chiiiiiiiile... what is it? Big booties? A killer smile? Walking with a switch that elicits daydreams of cocoa blessed with fairy dust? What's the common denominator here, and what aren't you sussing out before you introduce these ladies to an audience?

I'm with Chele. Referrals only. Lol.

MonP said...

I completely misread it then. I'm thinking she was quiet until everything blew up. *goes back to lurkdom*

michaeldavis said...

 Trey: we've all been there bro. My homegirls, like Chele + her crew, are sweet, fantastic, and ruthless when need be.  With that in mind, One thing I have learned is to always...Always...ALWAYS go out with a woman a few times (maybe more) before taking her around crew.  

Also, from what I'm reading it seems like #1 could've made it...she might have just been a little excited.

MsJamie14 (CaliSlim) said...

*waiting for "Jay" and Riley to chime in* LOL

blackprofessor said...

Thank you for making my Monday funny!! I am picturing ratchet weave and can't stop laughing!  Trey, I sympathize with you because dating can be challenging! I think the main issues have been covered which are to get to know women a little better before bringing them around your crew or family.

While on your dating hiatus, revisit the distance issue.  The perfect woman for you might not reside in Texas, but if your pool is limited to Texas, you could miss out on her.

Superwoman said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!! the first two bachelorettes were sad, but whatever - bachelorette number 3 on the other fist, was AMAAAAAAZING!!! i LOVE this story, too too hilarious!!

Hau, Chele  - how come you didn't share this particular episode in bougieland with us? as fabulous as Trey's review was, you KNOW we have to hear it from the horses mouth!!!! 

@ Trey - all the best in your hiatus - i think a break is a good thing. Happy wednesday all, from cold and rainy Jo'burg....

Carl said...

Honestly, that's ok advice for a woman.  But men just aren't built that way.  So sitting and waiting is not a viable option.  He needs to reevaluate his game plan and get back on the field.

rozb said...

 Riley is going to get to the point short and sweet! Waiting for him to get it in!

Brneyed1 said...

Trey,

Good luck during your dating hiatus; it sounds like a great idea.  And during that hiatus, make a plan to figure out what you really want in/from a woman.  It seems that these women all meet some basic criteria of yours, but beyond that you aren't sure that they'll "fit", so you take them to your crew and let them do the weeding for you (a la Bachelorette #3) because you obviously trust their judgement, apparently more than your own.

taut_7 said...

good luck on your hiatus man. that last woman? lololol

thinklikeRiley said...

Bougie Ladeez... back up off my bruh Three-Dizzy. He doing what ya'll say ya want - he given sistas a chance, he ain't dating just one type and he ain't treating em like side pieces. Ya'll gotta kiss a few frogs fo ya find yo prince, Trey gotta date a few randoms.

Hiatus what? T-Rex, get back out there. She ain't gotta be right fo'eva just right fo da night. One day at a time son!

But ur uh, until ya sure ya got filet mignon, don't put her on the grill next to the lobster - ya hear me.

Riley out.

Bryan Anthony said...

All I have to add is that Sista So Not Souljah (nickname for Bachelorette #3) was nice to look at (minus the hair debacle) until she opened her mouth. You know how people are loud, wrong and did I say loud? And the wronger (I know it's not a word) they are, the louder they get? She was hella-passionate just freakin' uninformed and incorrect about all the shiggity flying out of her mouth.

I still haven't recovered from Chele telling her to go back to high school so she'd have enough education to clean toilets for a living - perhaps using her hair as a cleaning implement. *DEAD* It was like seeing a tourist bait a lion in the Serengeti and finally the lion pounces and rips stupid tourist to shreds. Moral: Don't bait the sleeping Lioness.

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

And there it is. I was waiting you Riley.

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

I'm DEAD at the tourist in the Serengeti. I totally pictured this scene going down. Hilarious!

Veronica Miller said...

O_____O

Chele.... NO! LMAO!

Grace said...

Ahhh, Trey. I have to admit I like hearing about Bougie Brethren struggles. Kinda evens the playing field. How many calls/texts did Number 1 send I wonder?

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

I had to take a back from moving back to Dallas to comment. Trey, you went from one extreme to the next. However, I do feel your pain. As for advice, I'll let the BnB men handle that portion because at the end of the day I can't tell you how to handle the dating scene from a male perspective.

Wish you blessings on the dating scene because it's hard out there for both sides!

JaymeC said...

I spent some time talking to Trey after "The Bougie Bites Back Event Which Will Live in Infamy" and I think he has an ideal in his head that none of these women are living up to. I'm having him write it down, vet it for realism and then only date women who meet five or more of his top ten requirements. He'll be fine. I don't won't about Trey at all. Now that Sistah Not So Souljah chick? She needs to meet me at the corner of therapy and mood-altering drugs STAT.

MichelleG said...

Trey,

I have to agree - bringing randoms around your established crew all at once is not going to end well. You have to know each other in more ways than biblicly for an honest assessment on both sides to be had. Get used to attending the summer shind dings solo while you continue to date. I don't agree that you should stop but I do think you need to figure out what you want and learn to strike off those that don't meet your requirements from the get go.

My girl lives in Houston and has shared her dating woes & the drought of options there. I dare say if you are all that you appear to be she may well have made the same "fatal" mistake as #1. Did you respond to ole girl and she kept getting in touch or did you decide that since she broke some contact rule she was off the list? If her only mistake was being too eager then perhaps a revisit is in order. There's a wide gap between eagerness and Fatal Attraction & time put in would allow you to figure out the difference. Don't hold yourself in such high esteem (or believe the myth that there are so many good options available) that you miss out on someone that could have been good.

As for #2 I can read between the lines - if it ain't there it ain't there. However for future don't assume that quiet girls can't get down. Again - you won't know what she CAN do if you don't get to know her.

With #3 - some proper vetting could have avoided the situation. What about your approach/dealings with this youngin didn't let her see from jump that YOU were part of the Bougie crew? I'm all for being bi-lingual but her unease and ultimate embarassment could have been avoided if YOU were upfront from the get go about who you are and what you want from a woman (be it jump or long term). I've never met a man that was about it that didn't exude "IT" in all of his interactions. I hate to feel like I'm jumpin on you but step your game up. You don't have to take a hiatus but you do need to be honest about who you are. Eagles don't mess with pigeons & when they do dip they have sense enough not to bring the pigeons in the presences of their eagle bretheren.

Yes I'm addressing the double standard ya'll hold so dear. If you (men in general) feel the need to hit HnQ & Sista So Not Soulja of the world while searching for your queen - do you but they had NO business stepping to the table. They are NOT on the level of our Bougie sisteren and should never be given the impression by invitation to casual or social settings to imply otherwise. BBM's and texts those chicks at night when your cocoa urge hits. Leave the wining and dining for your serious contenders. Y'all got these basketball wives aspiring chicks smelling themselves a little too much.

rozb said...

Hair debacle?!?!?! Best description of bad hair in two words or less!

JohnKinPDX said...

It's not easy out there. For anybody. That is all.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

This. Right. Here. I don't even want to talk about my misadventures prior to meeting Mrs. Skyy. 

Andrea M said...

I don't see where Trey is doing anything too terribly wrong except not narrowing the field. If he got a hit of Glenn Close crazy from Chick One, hell no he should not look back. If Chick Two was boring as watching paint dry with whack azz bed game to match... move on. Chick 3 was probably that crazy-amazing wild swing from light fixtures chick in bed but you can't take her no damn where.
Next. Next. Next!

P.S. None of ya'll YouTube the BougieRant?! None of ya'll? You don't love us. 

Cocoa Winston said...

Love this.

Cocoa Winston said...

O.M.G.

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BB Waite said...

I think it should be pointed out that Sista Not So Souljah talked straight shiggity for close to twenty minutes before the smackdown came. If she had said to my husband what she said to David, I would have snatched the cheap wig straight out of her head. 

Mykeia said...

Dead at "wronger" just dead!

Mykeia said...

Girl, you are a mess!  Dead at "If Chick Two was boring as watching paint dry with whack azz bed game to match... move on."--dead!

SingLikeSassy said...

Then I remembered that she came with me and I had to slink out to take her ratchet-ass home. <--hahahaaaa

Dude, you know how you can't take everybody around your people. SCREEN THESE SISTAS FIRST.

Hopefully the crew can find you a better dating candidate. Where is CaliEd?

JoycelynC said...

I thought the same thing about the rant.  I don't need to see it, just tape it on cellphone so we could hear it in all its epic glory!

JoycelynC said...

Dating is rough business for men and women and it's stories such as these and remind us all of that fact.  Trey, I can't really offer a suggestion other than maybe you should figure out if you are really ready for what you say you are, a relationship.  From the three described above, it seems like you may not be quite there yet and there is nothing wrong with that.  If you are however, I co-sign making the list and then evaluating from the list as that will help separate the weeds from the roses.  Good luck.

SingLikeSassy said...

I was wondering if he was picking up random people so he would not be the lone ranger at the get togethers.

SingLikeSassy said...

And oh yeah, good luck. (((hugs)))

SingLikeSassy said...

I just knew that certain folks would make this all out to be his fault?  <-- didnt he choose these ladies?!

GuessImJay said...

Thing is, Michele is always so damn Southern Belle in her speech patterns. Just real soothing and measured, always the peace maker in the room. Even if she's not having a great day, she's kinda polite.

So when she went all Eminem Battle Rap we could only stand and stare in awe and be so glad it wasn't directed our way.

Oh - Trey'll be alright.

Carl said...

We all choose everyone in our lives.  But you can’t be held responsible for how they act.  All you can do is remove them when they show themselves to be unworthy of further presence in your life.  Therefore, he did what he should have done.  So NO!  Their later disclosed thirsty, boring, and ghetto ways are not at all his fault.

AnnettePearl said...

It was my first time hanging out with the Bougie Crew. I had the advantage of being a BnB reader for a year but even so - who walks into a room full of strangers and starts talking politics? And then propositions someone's boyfriend? And basically challenges her to verbal duel?
WDDDA, ya'll? Where?

SingLikeSassy said...

OK I thought you were saying he had no culpability here.

Leon X said...

Shout out to you, Trey. While you're dating like Goldilocks, I'm just trying not to get mauled by the bears a la Grizzly Man.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Eagles don't mess with pigeons & when they do dip they have sense enough not to bring the pigeons in the presences of their eagle bretheren."

This is everything in one sentence...

Angela said...

Yes, Trey, reflect and get perspective. I have no doubt you'll be just fine.

AndreaPlaid said...

::steps aside for lightning strike::

Natasha said...

"So when she went all Eminem Battle Rap we could only stand and stare in awe and be so glad it wasn't directed our way."  <--------- THIS is why we need it recorded. 

OneChele just gave her some desperately needed home training, bet she think twice about opening her mouth like that again.

aisha oaktree1122 said...

bwahahaha,, damn so it's a Bougie dating drama not just Michelle, I think he brings them around because he knows ya'll will be a filter and kick the crazy to the curb. like chick number three. 

I don't think he's really into dating, like your doing it because your supposed to, but nothing from the stories suggest your really seeking out a type of woman, either long or short term. The women just seem to be there and that's it, you met one thru a friend, one at church, and one did the chasing,

maybe the hiatus is necessary to determine what's really going on, Good Luck!!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Why do people think that Bougie means 'weak'? We just keep our inner hood/butu on a leash until someone pokes us! Don't bawl when you get mauled, heaux!

expresso said...

Trey,

Ordinarily I am a little silent, and  honestly I haven't read the comments yet so I forgive me if i should repeat.  But, in my humble opinion, it seems that perhaps you should slow down and not unveil the new chick until you know what you are working with.  Is it necessary to bring a date?  Also, are you clear what you are looking for or are you just throwing darts and hoping something sticks?  

I don't know but personally, I never bring my "prospects" around until I am at least clear that they might actually become a full member.

rozb said...

Ignorance ain't always bliss.

Trey Charles said...

Thanks, ma

Trey Charles said...

Watch ya back, bruh. There are sharks in the water. #mixedmetaphors

Trey Charles said...

"Eminem Battle Rap" - perfect description

Trey Charles said...

*hugs back*

Trey Charles said...

I missed that part! Text it to me, BB

Trey Charles said...

You know Chele don't allow no Bougie YouTubage,

rozb said...

Hey - just being me. Still standing! LOL!

Moabmu said...

'Sounds like bachelorette #3 is the poster child for "Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down" - (Brand Nubian circa 1992). . . we'll say a corporate prayer for her.

Seriously though, save yourself (and your wonderful, patient friends) the trouble of dealing with such drama. I have to cosign with the others that suggested you wait awhile before bringing new/random ladies amongst true friends/family. Stop playing your newly acquainted lady friends like a game of spades - you don't bid high (inviting random folks to hang out with the crew) when you only have 1 and 'a possible'. You only go for the gusto (inviting someone you've spent considerable time with and actually enjoy their company in various settings) when you KNOW you have a fully loaded hand ('big and little joker,' a few spades, as well as a some aces, and two/three kings). IJS..

Best of luck to you!

Trey Charles said...

Sir, did Chele not introduce you to a lovely woman that you stayed huddled up with all weekend?! I'm not saying I'm hating...

Trey Charles said...

Six calls, six texts in a 36 hour period. Each more spastic than the last.

Trey Charles said...

Imma go by Three-Dizzy from now on.
I feel you on the surf and turf

Trey Charles said...

Way too excited.

Trey Charles said...

Fair enough

Trey Charles said...

Wow. Interesting perspectives all. Thanks.

Jubilance said...

So ummm...Trey, why have you been picking less-than stellar ladies?

I would have paid good money to see Chele'ss epic performance in person...

Leon X said...

Shark Week? When?!?!??

GrownAzzMan said...

*Fist Bump* on the Brand Nubian reference.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Women aren't "built that way either", they just are subject to different standards, acculturation, and consequences. 

William Martin said...

*taps mic*
I was there. I'm not allowed to break the confidentiality agreement. But I will say:
Best. Weekend. Ever. 

AppleBerryMIA said...

I think Trey's just finding his way. I look forward to his story when it all turns around.

AndreaPlaid said...

Wow...then Bachelorette *must* have been bad if OneChele had to go that far.

Trey, you don't need a hiatus. You need an island all by yourself.

Carl said...

Hey I was just trying to give Jazzy's advice some validity.  But from what you're saying, it has none.  Ok with me.

Carl said...

I just have to say, the overall tone really seems awfully judgmental of Trey up in here

rozb said...

All kidding aside - you have it going on. You are an accomplished guy who seems (to me) to have an awesome personality and would be a great catch. How about this? If you had to find the right woman for your best friend ever - someone who is your most important sidekick, would you look a lot harder, perhaps be a little pickier? You deserve to be as picky for yourself as you are for anybody else.

I mean, you wouldn't serve everybody at your home your best wine in your finest crystal, then kick back with ripple in a plastic cup, right? Good luck, Trey!

tiffanyinhouston said...

I'm going to disagree with some of the BougieLand ladies. I think Trey Dizzle should keep dating..get back on the horse (NOT LITERALLY) so to speak. My motto is try..then try again..then try some more. Be honest with the women you meet to let them know you are dating several people (BE CRYSTAL CLEAR lest you get some busted out windows), don't be so quick to try to smash any and everything (and some women get down like that, very easily) and trust yourself. You need to learn to make the discernment about whether to continue seeing a woman yourself. Your crew can't do that initially. They are the second round of defense, after you've had some time with her ALL by yourself.

It takes a while to work out the kinks, but you will be fine!

GammasWorld said...

Lots of good comments (@Reads4Pleasure:disqus knocked it out of the park) but I don't really think Trey (or Three-Dizzy - loves my Riley) needs to go on hiatus at this point.  He's out of a long-term relationship, and  sounds like he's just seeing what's out there.  The only thing I would suggest is wait a minute before bringing them around the crew.  Sounds to me, if he had taken any of these women out alone more than 2-3 times alone he would have learned they were not BougieCrew worthy.  YOU have to feel them before you bring them into that inner circle.  Think of BougieCrew as your family - doesn't sound like any of them would have been somebody you wanted to take home to mama ... or Gamma (just sayin).  Now enough about Trey, I need one of the crew to post Chele's rant VERBATIM.  I'll wait. 

Trey Charles said...

Thanks Mrs. Mack.

SingLikeSassy said...

I read a lot of posts saying hey, take your time, no need to rush and do a little more vetting before you present ladies to your friends.

Also, Trey DID ask us to dissect his story and he noted he needed to "reflect or get perspective or whatever."

Not sure what you are looking for here.

sol_dier said...

WOW. Carl you really are reaching with the responses.  

keishabrown said...

TRUTH.COM (org and net and ca)

keishabrown said...

a day late, and cdn dollar short...
but i'd tell three-dizzy (thanks riley) the same thing i'd tell anyone else (male or female).
stick to your instincts (if you passed on them, whatever the reason that may seem invalid to us, but valid to you - dont look back), be honest with yourself (otherwise, you can't be honest with others), and the hardest of them all - don't settle. if you want your female match - you'll find her. keep the faith. 

Carl said...

I'm flattered!

L.P. said...

She propositions someone's boyfriend while she was there on a date herself? WDDA, indeed! Oh My!

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