Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Six days in the Life


Did you miss me while I was gone? Wonder what I was up to? Wrote a blog about it, wanna hear it, here it go...

Wednesday June 15
By this time, I'm completely disillusioned about the "Back to Work" program I'm working for the state. I see too much disorganization, a flawed system and folks that wouldn't know professionalism if it bit them in the ass. On the flip side, I've help 36 people go back to work in five weeks' time. 

Wednesday morning, it's 102 degrees by 8:15 in the morning when I arrive to work a job fair for the great state of Texas. There's a weird vibe as though something is going on behind the scenes that we don't know about. I (as usual) have quadruple million other things I'm trying to do so I ignore it. We work the job fair. I get cussed out twice, hugged once, and hit on by one cap daddy, one gangsta and one cutie pie. The fair wraps and we head back to the office where they herd us into a conference room. Guess what? The funding for this project has been cut. That's all she wrote. Do you mind just clearing out today?

Folks were tart and tangy about it. The project was only supposed to go another week and a half  and I had other things to do anyway so I was cool. Although... why have me out there tap-dancing in all black in this heat for the peoples knowing that I was never going to get the chance to help them? Three words for how Texas Workforce Solution is handling their bidness: Ragg. Ed. Dy. Next!

Thursday June 16
The wonder of sleeping until 9:00 am. But lest I get too giddy with it the glaring red circle on my calendar reminds me. Book 3 (tentatively titled Pretty Boy Problems) is due with edits to the publisher on Monday. I place hair in ponytail, hindparts in yoga parts, feet in fuzzy socks and assume the position. I'm surgically attached to the keyboard. Phone rings - am I interested in starting a virtual consulting gig? Of course I am but um... next week. Words written? 3,500

Friday June 17
BougieYoungerBro is taking his eldest daughter and two of her friends to the beach for her 16th birthday. My job is to watch the two little ones. Oh wait, did he forget to tell me he needed me to watch the 17 y/o boy and 10 y/o daughter too? Yes. Yes he did. Four kids not two, one of them a teenager. That requires a whole different level of planning and food prep. God bless the pizza delivery dude. Netflix saves the evening as I plunk everyone down in front of a Glee marathon. Aunt Chele is tart. Words written? 400

Saturday June 18
Aunt Chele makes eggs, pancakes, bacon and sausage. The visiting hoard fall upon it like locusts in a dry corn field. Then she bribes the eldest boy into taking all these doggone kids to the movies and then the park and then the pool. The two youngest want to come in and hug Aunt Chele every 10 minutes. There is fighting and yelling and someone drops a grape popsicle on the new area rug. Grandma loses her temper and barricades herself in her room with her Bible for the rest of the night. Let the record reflect that 3N lasted less than 30 minutes with these chillen, pleaded housework and bailed leaving skidmarks on the sidewalk. 

One "accident" by the 7 y/o who didn't want to stop playing Wii long enough to go to the restroom. One tantrum by the 4 y/o who wanted his mommy at bedtime. One laptop snatched out of the 10 y/o's hands when she won't show Aunt Chele what she's looking at on the internet. The eldest makes curfew but managed to break his new cell phone. Aunt Chele stays up until 4:00 am writing. Caffeinated beverages consumed? 6 Words written? 6,100

Sunday June 19
The BougieHousehold awakens at 6:30, BougieMom is taking all these ragamuffin children to church in search of Jesus. Aunt Chele fixes heads of hair, dresses children, flings pop-tarts at everyone and shoos everyone out the door. After sneaking in a few hours of sleep, the drama starts popping. Apparently the children behaved like "hooligans" in church and BougieMom is through. Aunt Chele takes the eldest to the Sprint store and swings by Sam's to get something quick and easy to feed everybody. Chicken salad wraps with grapes and juice are devoured in an eye blink. 

There is an epic battle brewing over who gets to play the Xbox and who gets to play the Wii. In a fit of pique, Aunt Chele sends everyone out to the pool. Firing up the grill, I quickly prep chicken fajitas and veggies. Back inside I whip up guacamole and salsa and open a bag of Tostitos. Now I'm hot, smoky, testy and exhausted. Dinner is served. BougieYoungerBro arrives just in time for dinner (side-eye at his timing). He sits down with the three teenage girls and they eat as well. Aunt Chele retreats to her office and sends BYB a text: Get yo kids and get out. Happy Father's Day.

I love BougieNieces and Nephews but I needed peace, quiet and copious amounts of wine. What I got was a never-ending stream of "He hit me" "She laughed at me" "Will you come play" What's to eat" "Aunt Chele, may I..." OMG. 

I type until 3:00 am. Sometime round midnight someone on Twitter says that the problem with today's writers are that they aren't formally trained to be writers. She went on to say that she wouldn't let someone without a journalism or English degree type up an email for her. Furthermore, everyone knows that bloggers aren't "real writers" anyway. *blinkety-blinkety-blink* My degree is in pre-law. This is my third book and my blog rocks rather hard. Back to work.

Words written? 2,700

Monday June 20 - D-Day
All I want to do is add in two chapters to explain why my heroine forgave the hero for a tragic error. Without those two chapters, people will read this story and wonder if I have lost my damn mind. I can hear it now. "Chele, you wouldn't forgive a man who did that, why should she?" Okay fine. Two chapters  one from her point of view and one from his. Easy, right? 

My agent called. My publisher called. My siblings called. 3N called twice, "You done yet?" *CLICK* The guy from work that I told ya'll about weeks ago? He called six times in twelve hour period. I mention in passing to 3N that I don't know what this guy wants. 3N says that he does and is more than happy to go tell him in person why he's never going to get it. Le Sigh. All of the phones went to mute. I turned off the TV, turned off Twitter and got down to it. Finally. Done. Print it. Re-read it. Tweak it. 

Is that rain? With swirling winds? Do I hear the recycling bags blowing down the street? Yes, I do. At two in the freakin' morning. I run outside and chase blue bags down the street until I'm almost struck by lightning. Is it really that crucial? I create a creative pyramid of recycling and trash and run back inside dripping wet. I call myself fourteen kinds of idiots. 4:37 am, 78,000+ words off to the editor. Now I'm wide awake. I go to the TNT website and watch the season opener of HawthoRNe. I boo-hoo like a baby and go to bed as the sun is coming up.

So the next time you think you want to live sexy like me? Think again, it ain't all purple shoes and pear vodka. What did you guys for the last week of your lives?

71 comments:

Sarah said...

Big hug. I'm glad you survived. :-)

My last week was uneventful except that things kept breaking. First it was the printer, then the vacuum cleaner, and then the AC in the car. Can't say I was particularly happy about it, but at least it wasn't four rambunctious children taking over the place. There's a new printer and vacuum and the car is being checked out tomorrow. Otherwise, it has been thunderstorms, running, and getting stuff done. I'm waiting to read your 2nd book until later when I'm traveling. Looking forward to it :-)

I get frustrated with disorganization as well. I'm curious whether the funding was state or federal. I guess that is the downside to being a contractor. Here one day. Gone the next. But it sounds like it was just as well for you. I hope you are getting a little R-n-R today.

MsJamie14 (CaliSlim) said...

Le Damn. Well, you really are Clair Huxtable!

I wanna give Billy Dee Ninja a demerit for bailing, but I can't really blame him. lol

SN: The same thing seemed to have happened with the GA Back to Work program. Wasn't on the inside, so I don't know all the problems, but the audit results were not pretty. *smh*

Jazzy Jazz said...

I need for BYB to not drop his kids off for an entire weekend on a day notice. kthx( did you submit an itemized bill to him lol?)

Congrats on your book being finished.

Sounds like you deserve some Calgon , a fresh pedi , new shoes AND pear vodka.

CorettaJG said...

LOL!  The kids...Lawd!

Well, I helped my family host a reunion of over 100 in Baton Rouge.  My Get Acquainted Night games were a hit (including the New Orleans Second Line Competition).  We cooked up a storm, packed, set up, tore down (never again - catering for everything!) and managed to have a great Family Meeting, Saturday Picnic with our blue and white reunion T-Shirts, and people who wanted to explore Louisiana  were able to before church and departures that Sunday.  It was hot otu there!  And I'm always confused about how people can drive across three states with no map, GPS, or printed directions that we provided but then call every 20 minutes asking for individual directions.  Really??  There were a couple of minor skirmishes involving a child's size reunion T-Shirt and a container of pickles (don't ask) but we made it through and received great feedback.

This week I've been meeting with one of my bride's on photography and decor for her November wedding and working on a short notice reception for the Air Force Court of Criminal Appeals next week.  Thankfully the day job has been slow since I have a Stella & Dot Jewelry Trunk Show to prepare for this weekend.  Whew! I'm eating my Wheaties but this is my busy season so I can't complain. :)

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

Chele, you just might be the queen of doing too much but it always makes for entertaining stories. Hope you're recovering well :-)

GrownAzzMan said...

LOL with you not at you. Your life, our entertainment. Welcome back Chele

maureen palmer said...

Wow... I saw your tweets on Friday/Saturday and  felt your pain, and when you tweeted you needed 78,000 words I panicked for you. How do u guys do it, what if you get a writers block with a due date looming so close? I think you are  a great aunt  I'm sure BYB appreciates YOU.
Congrats on finishing your third book. The person that tweeted bloggers are not writers must be living in twilight zone, b/c I   LOVE your writing.

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

Just reading this makes me tired. Sounds like you need a mani, pedi, and 2 hr massage courtesy of Mr. 3N who bailed on you. I hope this week ends better than last week.

As for me, I spent a week in Spain practicing my Spanish, flirting with the Spanish men, and learning how to cook paella, tapas, and sangrias. I also got in some shoe shopping and filled up one suitcase of fabulous espadrilles. If I would have known you had a hard week I would have bought back a purple pair of espadrilles.

Alvin Milton said...

Shout to 3N. That sounded like mucho chillens en su casa! 
Congrats on finishing the book. 78000 words?
I paused at "run back inside dripping wet" for a while.
Bougie Stan tho

MichelleG said...

Let's see - I attended a homegoing celebration, a retirement party, survived Father's Day sadness, wrote and deleted multiple blog posts and lastly worked out. Also finally ordered my Kindle!  

Bryan Anthony said...

I was like can we get a more in depth descriptive on that one? Did somebody YouTube it?
Just askin'

rozb said...

Everything you did this past weekend alone is enough for a whole 'nother book! I saw the pancake Tweet and thought: My solution would be to give them mixing bowls full of Cap'n Crunch, put the TV on Saturday morning cartoons, and be done! However, these are modern times, and kids don't even watch Saturday morning cartoons anymore, huh?

Anyhoo - your brother should be very happy you care about him more than just giving him a Hallmark card - you gave him an entire weekend. You are an awesome sister - hope he appreciates it.

Congrats on finishing up the new book, and I love Sweet Little Lies!

SingLikeSassy said...

WHATEVA! *flings self down to floor and starts writhing around and whining in tantrum fashion* I need a daily Bougie blog post!

CCDreamz said...

The person who tweeted bloggers are not writers probably has a blog that no one is reading.

diamond life said...

I cussed someone out at work (I'm a teacher, I don't have to see her again until August), I cleaned out one closet and went out on a half decent date. You need a vacation woman!

thinklikeRiley said...

Contessa La Bouge know she shoulda had our post written in advance. I couldn't get my mind right wi' out my morning bouge. How I'm spose to know how to act?!

Jesse said...

FOUR kids?! Like all at once? Aw hells naw.
*shines your halo*

Grace said...

The Hawthorne season opener tho....
*buckets*

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

I'm with you Riley. Reading the blog is apart of my morning routine.

Deb B said...

I'm tired just reading this. I believe I'll go take a nap on your behalf.

CaliGirlED said...

I must admit I would open the page, see the post from Tuesday, June 14th and sulk a little.

CaliGirlED said...

Yes indeed! Chele must pre-write Bougie posts when deadlines are approaching! *runs out of BougieLand top speed lest a purple pump knocks me upside the head*

CaliGirlED said...

 T.R.A.G.E.D.Y.

CaliGirlED said...

Hell how am I supposed to remember what I did last week after reading about your week! Damn, I'm going to take a nap with Deb B. I'll be back.

JohnKinPDX said...

I will admit that I browse other blogs and truthfully Chele, some of these other bloggers cannot write worth spit. They just free form their random thouhgts, tack on a provocative title and call it a day. So I would say not all bloggers are writers. And not all writers are bloggers. We just happen to have someone who is both.

BTW, most of my friends still looking for work? English majors!!!

Earthangel172 said...

"Three words for how Texas Workforce
Solution is handling their bidness: Ragg. Ed. Dy. Next!"


 


As I was reading this, I was thinking…"does
she work for Texas Workforce Commission?"

Sad, huh?


 


"One "accident" by the 7 y/o who
didn't want to stop playing Wii long enough to go to the restroom. One tantrum
by the 4 y/o who wanted his mommy at bedtime. One laptop snatched out of the 10
y/o's hands when she won't show Aunt Chele what she's looking at on the
internet. The eldest makes curfew but managed to break his new cell phone. Aunt
Chele stays up until 4:00 am writing. Caffeinated beverages consumed? 6 Words
written? 6,100"


 


You forgot to add….."Aunt Chele sets a reminder
in her blackberry to refill her birth control prescription." LOL 

Thank goodness I only have one daughter.

Earthangel172 said...

OMG! Sorry for the spacing. Dang MS Word formatting!

CaliGirlED said...

"So I would say not all bloggers are writers. And not all writers are bloggers. We just happen to have someone who is both."...And that about sums it up!
 

maureen palmer said...

You can't be throwing shades wearing  purple pumps, more like a purple sneakers:-)

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Oh God. I read your dealings with the BougieNextGens, and I swear my uterus just ran behind my liver, curled up, and started rocking and mumbling.

OneChele said...

No worries - I fixed it up. I was on contract for the state but I's free now. ;-)

MariSol said...

Girl, you are doingtheutmost.com

OneChele said...

iQuit you because why do I have the mental image of a cartoon uterus shrinking up and running for cover! LMAO

OneChele said...

In that case, take an extra long one.

OneChele said...

I know, right?! But very well done.

OneChele said...

Going to try and sneak off for one in August.

Nadette said...

I know I just spent the last five minutes laughing my rear off. I had a week a little bit like your last week. Too much to do, not enough sleep, devoid of wine, and there was even fussy 2month old baby in the mix, and too much driving. Le sigh, I need more time! Glad to see you survived 4 crumbsnatchers taking residence in your domicile for 48 hours. I would either be dead or in prison after that, lol

OneChele said...

Woo, woo, woo.

OneChele said...

I'm not supposed to play favorites with my books or my characters but Steven and Christina? Love them! I hope to get them in a movie someday. 

OneChele said...

Oooo, the Kindle. Welcome to the addiction.

OneChele said...

Ooooh! I'm on the hunt for a good paella recipe.

OneChele said...

Ha!

OneChele said...

Thank you GAM

OneChele said...

*adds new crown to my trophy case* :-)

OneChele said...

Nice! 

OneChele said...

" Calgon , a fresh pedi , new shoes AND pear vodka." Sounds like the start of a really good short story.

OneChele said...

You won't be surprised to hear that it's the same subcontractor for both states. :-/

OneChele said...

Thank you Miz Sarah! Good luck with the car!

Jubilance said...

Let's see...I slaved away at a job I hate, planned my vacation (Miami here I come!) and scored a $160 Michael Kors jacket for $22. Not as exciting as you Chele, but I'm working on it ;-) Can't wait for the next book, I loved Heard It All Before & Sweet Little Lies.

Jubilance said...

I"ve been blogging for years, and I've never ever considered myself a writer because I cannot command the written word as well as I would like. Too many people don't understand the skill set a true writer brings to the table - and often it's not taught, it's a gift.

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

Well let me know if you want me to pass it along.

Mykeia said...

Welcome back!
Kids--they will wear you out and then eat all of your food.  ALL OF YOUR FOOD, EVEN YOUR FAVORITE STUFF.
This past week I offically became the proud parent of a high-schooler, scary and sad at the same time.
Got to hang out with my sister for the first time ever!  (We share a father.)  Tequila was consumed by all, bottoms up--laughter and stories were shared.
Did miss my dose of BnB...I personally love the dad stories.
Congrats on finishing your book!  Yahoo for you!
Get some rest and tell BYB he owes BM for her time with the grands at church.

David Chase said...

Gentlemen...

LikeLena said...

What DOES that work dude WANT? I'd let 3N answer the phone next time. Seems like he can't take a hint.

William Martin said...

Clearly not.

William Martin said...

Translation: "Don't even dream about it"

ASmith said...

Too much, Chele.  That was too much for a week and some days.  But you knew that.

I could break it down day by day but they would all say: worked a part-time job on a full-time schedule, slept when possible, ate occasionally and lamented over how much isht I've signed myself up for in the fall.

My body feels like I had your week, though.

JojoRaze said...

I seriously laughed out loud at this:

Grandma loses her temper and barricades herself in her room with her Bible for the rest of the night.

Grandma knew she needed her mind right with the Lord to handle those kids.  *dead* just dead at the visual.  I can see your mom singing "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" in her after being around the children.

CaliGirlED said...

Steven on the silver screen??? I don't know if I could handle it!  Oh but I'll give it a try! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

And I quit you after Chele! LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"I can see your mom singing "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" in her after being around the children." Rocking and fanning too.

CaliGirlED said...

You have definitely deserved the title, "Wonder Woman"! I used to want to be her when I grew up, I'm cool. LOL! My hat's off to you. Can't wait for the book to come out. Many congrats on being done...woosah!

As for dude from work, somebody needs to cuss him out because clearly being nice and/or ignoring him isn't working.

3N, I feel you on the kids, but your girl needed some help! However another nice pair of purple shoes may suffice. ;-)

Glad to have you back Chele!

Angel Blanca said...

I read this this morning...and promptly contemplated going back to sleep. Wow!  Okay, so last week I did some things, but nothing nearly as memorable as what you did, so I'll pass on chronicling it. 

I will say, though, that I wish you had been my sister when my daughter was still little enough to need watching, as I could have made excellent  use of a few free weekends ;)

BTW, is that mug available for purchase?  I really would love to add it to my collection...something really great to use as I read through your new book.  Did I mention how very much I'm looking forward to adding it to my collection?  It will be all the sweeter to read now that I know the backstory that went into its completion.  YAY for a new book!!

As for the contract work, that's a shame for those who could really use the services, but I'm glad this frees you up to pursue other avenues that are a better fit for you and your skills set. 

I hope this week holds some AQT and relaxation for you; you've earned it!

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "Grandma loses her temper and barricades herself in her room with her Bible for the rest of the night".  Your mother had the right idea, LOL!!!  Glad you survived the chillens, they sound like a handful!

I can't with the person who made the comment about writers. Clearly, she is unfamiliar with writers like Jane Austen who never had formal training but whose books are considered classics! I agree with John, some of these bloggers need to keep their day jobs as they can't really write just put down their musings and folks suck it up like it is quality. 

Glad to see fresh bouge!

tiffanyinhouston said...

You wear me out. I'm not worthy. *bows at your feet*

4 KIDS?? No ma'am pressed ham!

Jazzy Jazz said...

LOL now that I re-read it , it does :D

OneChele said...

The mug is available here: http://www.zazzle.com/busy_bougie_mug-168602567099160464

GammasWorld said...

Chile you done wore me out.  Grandma is my hero.  BYB owes you BIG.  3N I understand and I'm betting Chele was mouthing "take me with you" as you skidded away LOL.

GammasWorld said...

Oh as far as all bloggers not being real writers, Twitter person has
obviously never read BnB.  I blog (sporadically) because it's something I
like.  Never professed, nor ever will profess to being a writer --
that's the beauty of blogs.  They allow you to explore a side of
yourself that you never knew you had.  On the other hand, there are some
blogs that I read religiously and wish the blogger would write a book. 
Phooey on her and her highfalutin attitude (mumbles:  some people too
dang edumacated for they own dang good).

Annette Evans said...

Your brother should be so grateful to have a sister like you. And for the record, how do you get kids to eat healthy "Chicken fajitas and veggies" without threatening them? I also agree with tiffanyin houston:  "I am not worthy!"....

OneChele said...

I wrap the veggies up in the fajita and slather with guacamole, then I call them tacos. They don't know I slid the nutrition in there ;-) Hoodwinkery.

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