I know I said there were only three topics to kill and bury. But here's another: Sexting.
To me, subtle is sexy. I'm of an age where sensuality and attraction is so much of a mind game, I almost (notice I said almost) don't care what you look like. I'm into the context and the conversation and painting with all the colors of the rainbow (not just the cocoa). I get that everybody's not there yet. With Skype, GTalk and YouTube and videophones and the like, the instant access to see and be seen has clearly gone straight to some folks' heads.
But now it seems, it's not enough to just send a few candid pictures. Now people are flashing the full monty to ev'body. Let the record reflect that if someone ever (ever, ever) says they have naked Michele Grant pictures... they are lying and/or skilled at Photoshop. I don't play with it. One of the ex-fi's had a picture of me completely covered in bath bubbles from the neck down with nothing showing but a foot and an arm and don't you know I zapped it off his hard drive last time I was there? Sure he might have a copy, but he'll have a hell of time identifying that ankle as mine.
Early in my tweeting days, there was a guy who started chatting with me. The conversation moved to DM (direct message, supposedly private) and then to exchanged cell phone numbers and calls. Before I knew it, there at 9:00am one morning came the triple-chime announcing picture mail. I clicked to open and there was naked genitalia winking at me. In unsolicited and ungroomed high definition. Hold up, playa. I don't know your middle name, your street address or your city of birth yet but I now know more about you than some men I've dated! No. Sir.
You can't just foist naked pics of your junk on unsuspecting folks. The sun hadn't even set yet. At least let me get an adult beverage and half an impure thought going. I was in business mode. It takes me a minute to switch gears like that. Where is the build up and segue? Where is the romance? Save some of the mystery, please!
In light of WeinerGate and FavreGate and every other gate involving some random dude deciding to overshare; I need to set a few BougeRules if you must indulge in sexting:
1. There's no such thing as internet security - know this before you click send. Once that picture leaves your phone and heads out in the ubersphere, you have no control over it. Sure, the person you sent it to swears they'll delete it but um... we've seen how that works out time and again. Send at your own risk, I'm just sayin'.
2. By personal request only - I mean the person has literally said "I want to see naked parts of you now, please send candid photos." They didn't hint or giggle or suggest, they actually asked to see your naked body. Don't just spring that on folks. TMI. TMI!
3. Mutually agreed upon disposal method - what happens to that picture after the other person receives it? Have you talked about a "NOT sharing is TRULY caring" policy? This bears discussion. I'd hate for you to be flipping though someone's blog and see a picture of yourself doing a nekkid spread eagle split, waving around a Grey Goose bottle, blowing kisses at the camera. Get the ground rules straight up front.
4. Know what you look like - I'm sorry to say this but not everyone looks good naked. Think about it. Ladies, there's a reason some of us wear support garments. And fellas, don't ever hold a ruler there unless you have something to really be proud of. O__o
5. Tighten your game up - Even if you do look good naked, have you uh... groomed thangs? No one likes to see ashy, rusty, wild kingdom in 300 pixels or better. Nuff said.
6. And last but not least - if you are a public figure (elected official, celebrity, member of the CLERGY!!!) or if you are in a committed relationship to someone other than whom you plan on sexting - Just. Don't. Do. It. I don't need another tear-stained "I know I've let you down" press conference in my world.
On a serious note - I got an Ask A Bougie Chick letter the other day from a thirteen year old girl. First, I told her she really doesn't need to be reading BougieLand until she skates up past age sixteen but second, her letter frightened me to death. She said that the boys at her school told the girls that they will only go out with the girls that send naked pictures to them for "pre-evaluation." The hell you say?
I hipped her to some reality and told her to (first tell an adult about this nonsense) and then introduce the boys to terms like "child pornography" "underage sex offender" "unsealed youth record" "predatory sex acts" and things to that effect. And then I let her know that she had some prepubescent punks trying to run game. If she gathered the girls up and they united in a "heckie naw and I'm telling" campaign, the entire script would be flipped. What's wrong with these children?!
That is all. That's the sum and total of what I have to share on sexting. Whatcha got, BougieLand? Do you sext? To whom and why? Got any "when good sexting goes wrong" stories? Thougts, opinions, commentary...