Saturday, June 18, 2011

No more apologies for being a Daddy's girl


Last year, I ran a heartfelt tribute to my father on Father's Day. Then I was kinda taken aback by people that had real issues with Father's Day and didn't want to hear other people's happy stories. So I ran this post and a small ruckus broke out. I'll just accept that this holiday means different things to different people and keep it moving.

This year, we're keeping it simple. How cool is this picture? I came across this while rummaging in the family strongbox for my original birth certificate (gotta have those papers, doncha know). These are my dad's naturalization papers. He officially became an United States citizen in 1961, thus paving the way for me to run for President and not have to prove my nationality. (Jokes)

On this Father's Day, a simple commemorative toast to one of the greats. Rest in Peace, Daddy.

39 comments:

GrownAzzMan said...

Just right!

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

niiiice!
i actually don't have any pics of just my dad and i together. i think my mom has those...i do have an old old school pic from the 50s/60s though, but i can't scan it.

Nuff respect to your dad, and to all the dads out there. bigups.

Leon X said...

I have my dad's green card in my wallet. I've been in possession of it since he passed away. I'd also like to shout out a very new dad, my brother.

SassyJJ said...

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day took on a special meaning for me this year.  I almost lost my daddy to suicide (mental illness is real ya'll).  We may not have the best of relationships, but that man will do whatever for his Princess #1 (me), Princess #2 (my sister) and his Prince (my brother).  I am especially grateful for him still being here.

sol_dier said...

Great post!. Cool pic. Old school Calligraphy was so beautiful makes you want to trace fingers over the words.
On Father's day, I celebrate like to smile at all the decent fathers out there. The flawed who are trying but haven't quite got the hang and the imaginary superdads. (Hello Cosby Dad) lol.

Damn, so you could have been across the pond with us over yonder?. Who woulda thunk it :)
RIP Papa Bougie :) You would be proud of the lady she is today :)

Brneyed1 said...

I had to go and read the two previous posts, as I didn't understand why you should ever need to apologize.  Ummm, wow.  You had the benefit of a wonderful, caring dad, as every child should have.  

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

Love your post. I'm in a similar situation where all my girlfriends didn't have a father figure in their lives so I find myself not wanting to talk about how great my father was to me and my sisters. Well as of today I will no longer apologize for having a great father in my life!
Happy Father's Day, Warren!

Qalil said...

My Dad is a Cosby Dad and I celebrate that fact whenever I can. I remember him casting demons out of some unscrupulous young man who had less than honorable intentions towards me (he is a retired Pastor) in his loudest evangelist voice. I doubt that the demon left, but the young man did! LOL.

I wish there was a way for everyone to have that experience, but we're each on our own special journeys and who knows where they will end. I sure am glad to have my dad along for the ride!!!

Qalil.com

Hannington said...

I would like to reiterate that one thing most people who didn't grow up without fathers know about. It's not always because they didn't want to be there. That's a crap reason the media always gives. At times, it's because the mother decided to be bitter about how the relationship ended and purposly kept the kid away  from dad to make herself feel better. There are mothers who've admitted to having done that.  Not all, but a few. Anyways, I wish I grew up with my dad in the house, but I'm not gonna be bitter about that.

Penny said...

When you are a child, you think every household (good, bad or somewhere in between) functions like yours.  As you get older, you realize this is not true.  I was blessed to have the two best parents in the world (in my opinion, anyway) and did not realize until adulthood that all people were not blessed with parents that loved their children (and loved each other) and did everything within their power to give their children the best life they could give them.  As an adult, I have seen plenty of folks who are still dealing with the baggage of poor parenting, especially poor (or absent) fathering.  It is a wound that never heals.   Both my parents are gone now, I miss them everyday. 

With all the negative press (including cyberspace) about raggedy fathers, it is good to read about good dads.

CaramelIntellect said...

Just want to cosign, I have dealt with the back lash on many occasions for having a good father. My dad is still living thank God after dealing with negative people in reference to having a father in my life I say, Oh Well. Don't ever stop celebrating the great men in your life. I enjoy the stories and sharing fond memories of a man who worked hard just to make sure I could be a woman who knows her worth and ability. It feels good to know there are others out there and they are raising young me to be the same. THey may be rare today, but I was blessed to have one. Thank God for Real Fathers!

Earthangel172 said...

I too had to go back and read the two previous posts..wow, just wow! I think the tribute from last year was beautiful. It's wonderful to hear stories of people who migrated to the US and made a way out of no way. Thanks for sharing your story with us Chele!

Happy Father's Day to all Dads in BougieLand....God Bless!

thinklikeRiley said...

My father ain't take no mess. He didn't live with us but we never doubted he was there.
*pops bottle* Happy Dad's Day.

datdudeincali said...

My dad had/has issues but what that did was make me determined to be a better father than he could ever fathom. My daughter is only six so I have a long way to go and doing it without her mother is just that much harder but I want to be the kind of dad that my daughter writes about with admiration and respect looking back.

JustPassingBy said...

Did you dad always write with special pen? Mine is from the West Indies and he did too.

CaliGirlED said...

 You bring up an excellent point! Too many women out here making it hard to damn near impossible to be fathers to their children. The children are the ones who suffer!

CaliGirlED said...

Aw Dude that's really sweet! Don't worry she will. And don't be afraid to be daddy, save that friendship stuff for her friends.

CaliGirlED said...

My dad was not the greatest father but I loved him anyway. One reason is because my mother didn't bad talk him to me and my brother and for that I honor her. He was an alcoholic, and not a good one. It was hard enough dealing with that reality without her adding in negativity to boot. I tell people all the time, kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

 I always have and always will love my father. I look just like him and have ways like him as well. And my brother looks and acts just like him. I can't even imagine hating the man that I look so much like and is a part of who I am. But in the later part of my life he stepped up and had my back when I needed him. I call him my D-Fish (Derek Fisher) because he comes through in the clutch, .4! Now my dad has cancer and I am going to do whatever I can to help him win this fight!...I love you Daddy!

bougiesis said...

Love this post!  Well said Sis and nice find in the Strong Box!

To @82cc9185fdf1ad969b262e134d349e63 - Yes, Dad always wrote with a special pen.  I think those West Indians like the old style ink pens... All that side of the family used ink versus ball point.

SingLikeSassy said...

Another Daddy's girl here. *waves*

rikyrah said...

I wasn't here last year, so I can't even fathom that folks would give you crap about having a positive relationship with your father.

I am thankful to have been raised by a wonderful father. I don't apologize for it either. I don't apologize that this wonderful Black man is who the men in my life must live up to the comparison. I don't think I ask too much to be treated by my future husband with the love and respect that I saw my father bestow upon my mother during their 30 years of marriage. 

MsJamie14 (CaliSlim) said...

Who knew a day meant to celebrate Fathers could become so polarizing? I overwhelmingly see messages of love on Fathers Day, but it's cringe worthy to read the few bitter posts on such a day.

My dad has ALWAYS been there, gave us a very Huxtable upbrining, and I particulary admire him because he never knew his own dad. Like he just learned his dad's name for the first time in his 60s! He was so excited for just that small piece of info.

A sincere Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there. No qualifier or disclaimer needed! lol

EC Thompson, MD said...

As Jackie Gleason used to say - He was the greatest!!

Moabmu said...

'Hope all fathers had a wonderful day!

My dad died in November, so today was bittersweet for me (RIP Daddy!) As a kid, I thought having a great dad was the norm, I took it for granted. It wasn't until I became an adult and realized that a few of my friends had "daddy issues" that I became fully aware of just how blessed I was to have a father that was fully present.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I don't understand some people at all. Father's Day is a day for Fathers (yes, capital) to be celebrated. Lord knows mine is a real piece of work, but I'm not about to let his aintshiggityness overshadow all the men who were/are actual Fathers in the lives of their children. No one tears mothers apart on Mother's Day, and there are a LOT of 'surrogates at best' out there.

Let the Fathers have their day, gyat dyamit!

Bunni said...

AMEN to that!

JP Stunner said...

I was also surprise by the level of bitterness of many fronts.  People were even getting upset when single mothers was getting Happy Father's Day wishes! 

Cyn said...

Love it! I have my mom's naturalization docs as well.

I was too busy for FB yesterday but awoke to all the drama and dead beat daddy bashing and single momma praising this morning.  It's a shame.  Let the father's have their day with NO qualifiers and disclaimers.  I'm thinking it's no wonder you and your baby daddy aren't able to get along because you have a piss poor attitude.

Tonda Williams said...

From one Daddy's Girl to another...MUCH love for the post AND the toast.

 My father, Louis Lee Williams was EVERY.SINGLE.THING....

RIP

Annette Evans said...

As I said on Facebook, my Dad was a real 1960's Dad.  Worked hard and raised us to be the best we could be. He died when I was ten, but I, too, was a Daddy's girl.  It is good to have had my father for even a short time, because he taught me in that short time that I was special and I had great worth in the world, and the biggest thing--I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to.  I know there are many that totally missed out on any kind of father at all in their life. I salute the men that make an effort to be there for their kids...that few minutes you spare from your busy life could determine the quality of life your son or daughter has. Take the time, it is never wasted where your kids are concerned.

Nadette said...

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”-unknown
Happy Father's Day (I'm all late)

RnMechel said...

Today is an emotional dad for me.  I grew up without my dad. No father to tell me how beautiful I was, or how special I am. No father to walk me down the aisle.  No father to pick me up and kiss my boo boo's. I grew up without a father, not because he didn't want me or my mother didn't want him in my life; but because he died in Vietnam. I'm an adult woman who still misses something that she has never had. I should be over it by now, but I''m not. I don't begrudge anyone who had that American dream, I just wish that I had that dad's love.

Sweetpea said...

Bougie Chick, you shouldn't have to apologize for your wonderful experience. Some people fail to realize that everything isn't about them. My father is a little 'special' but I won't begrudge anyone else's blessing!!! Happy Father's Day to your beloved father!

CorettaJG said...

My Dad is also a Cosby Dad. lol!  He's the greatest and always has been despite not having his own dad in his life. He had some awesome father figures and he has been an amazing father to my sisters and I.  I gave him an extra squeeze when I left home to fly back this morning.

CorettaJG said...

Well said rikyrah!

tiffanyinhouston said...

Happy Father's Day to the Bougie Daddies and to my own crazy daddy..He's the best!

blackprofessor said...

Happy Father's Day to the wonderful fathers and the fathers to be! Chele, I don't apologize for my dad being a good dad, I am grateful I had him. My BD always falls near or on Father's Day so I like to think that I was an extra gift to my dad!!

Charles Blow wrote a heartfelt op-ed piece yesterday for people who had less than ideal fathers but it highlights forgiveness and acceptance.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/18/opinion/18blow.html?_r=1&emc=eta1

BlakjacQ said...

Chele, you already saw my response in twiiter. If you had a good dad, GREAT. If others didn't, then don't let their bitterness begrudge your happy memories.

My parents separated when I was 3 and realy didn't get along until I was 20. But you know what? My mom put me first and allowed my dad to be Dad. I love her and I love him, and I can't imagine what its like not to have both parents in my life. I'm just glad that I don't have to. My pops supported me, my friends, my activities, my ambitions, alllowed me to fail occasionally to understand that life is hard, scolded me, reprimended me, punished me... and was one of my loudest cheerleaders as i walked across that stage at my high school graduation, college graduation, and my marriage. Father's Day means the world to me because my dad is my father. Good bless him...

Jazzy Jazz said...

My father is not an active part of my life. Im happy for all who DID /DOES have their father in their life- please cherish that. Please dont take your relationship for granted. So often my friends will say I hate my father. Newsflash - he is a pretty good dad to you. He finances your life- now he may cuss you out sometimes though.

Its days like today when I miss my maternal grandfather ( Im the ONLY of the youngest child)- I wish he had been able to see me graduate.

I dont think its necessary to apologize for what you had- but I would like to see others mindful of the fact that just because you have it doesnt mean I have it too.

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