Monday, May 23, 2011

Who do you believe? Your heart or your friends?


Short and sweet today...

Often, when we hear about folks (like JohnK) who end up in relationships that went to hell in a hand basket... we can't help but wonder - where were his friends, families, ace-boons who should have seen Tracey for the master manipulator that she turned out to be and let him know? I think one of the comments said, "Friends don't let friends date Tracey." Shouldn't somebody have pulled him to the side and dropped dime on homegirl?

But even if someone recognized her scandalous skankitude for all that is was - the honest truth is... would he have listened? His sister never liked Tracey but he chalked that up to random female drama (let's be honest, it happens) and didn't pay heed to it. When you are all wrapped up in love and feeling no pain, are you really open to what someone might be telling you? Not only do you not want to hear that your new snuggle thang is playing you, you are inclined to resent the person who burst your rosy bubble.

I know from previous experience that telling a good friend that her man ain't about shiggity tends to backfire... badly. I vividly recall interning in the Travis County District Attorney's office when a friend of mine's boyfriend came into court to be arraigned on a weapons and drug possession charge. I felt it was my duty to inform her that her man was a gangsta. She bailed him out, stayed with him, and I don't think she's spoken to me since.

I also once "had a feeling" that something wasn't quite right with a friend's s.o. but without anything more concrete than a feeling, I didn't say anything. The relationship ended disastrously (think restraining orders). I wondered if I should have mentioned my hunch. 

I've never had friends or family tell me that they didn't like my s.o. - if anything people have liked them and found them charming. [hmpfh] Now one particular ex no one trusted worth a damn... but neither did I. He proved himself to be utterly untrustworthy. So not only did I not listen to them, I didn't listen to myself. FAIL in duplicate. Moving on...

BougieLand, if your friend told you that they thought you were being played by your s.o. - would you believe them? Would you listen? Would you act on it? Would you tell a friend if you caught a "shady vibe" from their new boo? Have you been in these situations? What happened? Do share...

61 comments:

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

 My status as a Loner of sorts probably voids any expertise, but when Have I ever let that stop me?

Let's be honest.  There is a difference between knowing folks are shady and having a Feeling that folks are shady. 

I think it is important to be able to share your thoughts without prejudice.  

It is also important to know when your friends are speaking some sort of coherence and when they are talking out of their ass.  

Take all the information given...analyze it and decide.  

CaliSlim said...

It really doesn't matter if your friends tell you something or not, everyone is gonna have their "light bulb" moment on their own time. Some of folks will have it, and ignore it anyway. I have a friend who is knowingly dating the shady dude...she knows all about his past felony and such, she choses to see the good side of him. I don't have to tell her anything that she doesn't already know.

For me personally, I'd listen to my family. They have had a proven record of seeing things I don't and only wanting the best for me. As for my friends, I take it all with a grain of salt. I've tried listening to them on matters of the heart before, I wouldn't say it's been the biggest success, but you gotta love em for trying.

At the end of the day, I was blessed with a pretty good bullshiggidy radar and some discernment, so I will typically recognize the crazies before I catch a "Snapped" worthy situation.

blackprofessor said...

LMAO at “Fail in duplicate”!!
Been there, done that and have the outfit to show for it!! I told my sister not to marry her sons’s father and all hell broke loose in my immediate and extended families!  I was kicked out of the wedding and everyone accused me of being jealous.   That ish hurt like hell!  I love my sister to death and for her (and everyone else) to question my motives was like a knife in my heart.  Today, they are divorced and we have all kissed and made up.   
Would I do it again? If it isn’t a child of mine, my lips are sealed.  I learned that folks know the deal but they want to pretend that things aren’t as bad as they really are.  If they want to stay in denial, I will happily oblige them.  Maybe they will figure it out, maybe they won’t.  It is their life to do as they see fit.
Do I want someone to tell me? I ask certain friends and family members what they think of my SOs and if they think they are good for me.  I believe that people who know you and care about you, have a good idea of what you need versus what you don’t need.  I think it is wise to solicit opinions from these individuals regarding potential mates.

Missthg said...

 You know I thought about your article for a few minutes and recalled a conversation with an old friend.  She wanted to get back together with her ex.  Her family told her no and her other friends told her no don't do it for this reason.  When she came to me for my approval/disapproval - I told her - I can't live your life for you.  You know what you what.  You are an adult. I think you should do what you want - but please, please, please be prepared to deal with the consequences of your decision.  She said wow, you are the only one to tell me that.  The relationship ended horribly - but I was the only one who she could count on not to say I told you so.

Bethany Showell said...

No one's ever told me they didn't like an S.O.  Besides I keep those two very separate.  Family and friends separate from S.O.  (when I bother having an S.O.).  Neither has any business mingling w/the other. 

And would I tell someone if I felt their S.O. was shady?  Not a chance in hell.  I've seen that backfire so many times.  That's something each individual has to realize and act on themselves.   

CaliGirlED said...

Wow this is definitely one of those case by case situations. Had a cousin say she would wake up when "her" alarm clock went off. In the family's opinion, she had been pressing the snooze button for years. Hey she's grown, we've moved on.

This hits home as I just had to tell my 14 year old daughter (who is not even allowed to date or have a boyfriend yet) that I can not choose her friends for her. However I do acknowledge that she will (always have) like boys, and I don't try to stop that. How could I? Well there's this boy who likes her (and she likes him too). He's the most mannerable little thing! I told him that I like his mother (whom I've never met) because she has taught him well. But wouldn't you know it, she's more into this other boy who has never even made an attempt to say hi to me. YES I did tell her that I don't like him and that she better be careful and not let him get her into any trouble!...I guess it's going to be all out war when she starts dating! Please pray for me!!!

Had to tell a new friend the other week that IMHO her husband was still seeing the woman that she found out about two years ago. I chose my words carefully and made sure she understood I was not telling her what she should do...OMG she just called me, while I was typing this! The drama continues! This ish is draining!

Stank_0 said...

Actually, I just thought about this, this weekend.  I did something dumb in terms of my S/O and my friends were mentioning how he thought my ex and I were mismatched.  I was thinking, you are one of two true blue friends I have and you didn't think to tell me how you felt about her? 

GammasWorld said...

 I don't have a lot of "real" friends, that is those I share "all of me" with so the few I do, I would take their input gladly and damn near expect them to point out shadiness to me whether they felt it or knew it for certain.   This hasn't always been true but a place I've gotten to as I got older.   I remember vividly the ninja my brothers and male friends disliked on sight.   They tolerated him because I was so dang smitten but knew he wasn't about nothing.  I was defensive about everything they pointed out but in hindsight I can say it was because I knew it deep down but didn't want to admit it.    

So yes, with my small, trusted circle, I would take their input and thank them for it.   

MichelleG said...

Most people in denial believe they have something that NO ONE else understands.

I put folks through so many credit checks that people not liking someone hasn't come up. With my friends who aren't as discerning I've learned to say nothing but if I feel that strongly I refuse to interact with said person. I'm not going to cosign your mess and interact with the messy person while you lay in fantasy land. I won't say I told you so but I'm also not going to listen endlessly to the same story over and over. 

In John's defense - sometimes it really isn't obvious. There are plenty of couples that have broken up and from the outside errybody wondering "what happened - I thought you guys were SOOO perfect"!! Some people are shape changers and if you aren't coming from an experienced (some call me jaded) perspective where you put someone through 100 questions before hand its easy for a faker to pass your entrance exam. I've been cheated on so the questions I ask BEFORE you get close to me are different than someone else who has never been through that drama. If you've had money stolen from you trust the hair on your neck rising when credit cards are denied at dinner. Don't gloss it over or expect me to cosign that denial comeback you're telling yourself instead of asking point blank what is up. I'm not perfect but I know what I'm bringing to the table and what I want from a partner. People may front that their entrance exam is selective when in truth they are as public as mass transit. Some people are good test takers - you have to know how to craft the essay questions that the fakers can't get around with wikipedia quotes.

Leopard_Print_Pumps said...

 I have a theory about family & friends and their opinions about your SO. Bear with my [overly simplistic] analogy here: when you're in a relationship, it's like you sitting, at your desk, staring at your computer. Your visual field can only take in the screen (and if you're lucky enough to have one of those ridiculously huge, beautiful high resolution Mac monitors, your visual field can only accommodate but a portion of the frame). 

Now your friends and family can walk into your office and see your monitor too; difference is i) they can't see the screen as clearly as you (thus everything they say should be taken with a grain of salt) and ii) because they're not sitting at the desk, right in front of the computer, their visual field is much wider; they can take in a whole lot more than just the screen: they can see you, your desk, your chair, your diploma hanging up on the wall.... well you get my point. 

Sometimes when you're in a situation, it's not that you can't see clearly, it's just that you can't see the ENTIRE picture because you're simply too close. That's where your fam and friends come in and why they're so important however, as I pointed out you're the one who's IN the relationship (you have the high resolution screen don't you?): there are certain things that you know about the "goings on" of the relationship that others won't be able to.So to answer your question, yes, as difficult as it may be, I would want my friends to approach me and say "Hey, something doesn't seem quite right." Chances are I already had an inkling. Would I tell a friend? That, as many have said before is on a case-by-case basis. Some friends I would have no problem saying something; others, well, let's just say I'd tread lightly. Bottom line is just because I would want someone to tell me doesn't mean that someone else wants ME to tell THEM.Sorry for the dissertation Chele!

Think P. Smart said...

 I will take note, but not believe it as gospel.  that depends on exactly who's saying it.  I don't take kindly to people telling me that I have a log sticking out of my head, when it's really a toothpick in my eye while they have a whole flatbed of wood in their shoulders.  Damn.  That analogy completely made sense in my mind.

rozb said...

I willingly ignored my friends' cries of "JACKASS!" because of the awesome (what I thought of as awesome at the time) cocoa stirring. Not a good look, and I have since recovered nicely from this relationship debacle. I gave up the Shady McGradys of the world to have genuinely nice guys in my life. Do I hold it against my friends when they try to warn me? Heck no! Especially when they have proven to have your best interests at heart. And most of the time, by the time your friends are calling your man on his ish, you really already know. Any anger is more about you than them and your insistence on going against your true instincts and still cuddling up to some ninja who really does not care at all.

I told a friend about her nasty ninja (saw him sharing tonsils in a club with another woman with my own eyes!), and thought I let it go. She called me and asked me to come to her place. I get there and he is sitting on her couch looking "smug as a mug", and she proceeds to cuss me out in front of him. She said I was jealous and petty. She even said he told her about all the times I came on to him and he pushed me away (he was not my type, slouchy, ashy knuckles, with a gap in his front teeth so big he could eat an apple through a picket fence). I told her that since she was willing to throw away our friendship, I will gracefully let it go - I gave a head nod and said "Peace out! Have a great life!" and left. Two months later she called and apologized, saying she caught him in the act and he confessed. Mutual friends of ours even told her I was not lying. To this day, I cannot trust her, and I keep my distance big time!

I said all this to say  - it would have to be a situation where I had pictures, and she asked me to scope out the ninja for her. Even then I might need a written contract. Next time I am not gonna let someone act a fool on me in front of her ninja - I may just cut loose.

rozb said...

I always chose the more dangerous route as a young girl and am glad I gave that ish up as a woman! I will definitely pray for you, and anyone raising a girl in this day and age!

rozb said...

Sometimes knowing still doesn't matter, sadly. But you are on point with your post!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I had a friend who was with a guy whom I thought was great. He and I used to trade jokes and what-not like old friends - boy, did he have me fooled! It was also a real role reversal, too. You know how The Friend would find out The BF's Dude is shady as hell, and worry about how to break it to the BF? It was the other way around for me: she learned his dirty ways and didn't tell me until long after, mostly because she knew I'd kill him.

I even asked my mum for advice on this same topic once (much, much later after the BF's Dude Disaster) and she said, "Stay out of it!".  Just that, it's hard to watch your friend or someone you love slither around with a real snake....but sometimes it's best for them to discover the shadiness on their own. It's not an easy position to be in, that's for sure.

CaliGirlED said...

 Thanks Roz! I got a glimpse into the future and it was ugly! But I'm about to change my strategy for the next few years. It indeed takes a village, and I'm about to rally the troops because I definitely can not do this alone!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 If they focus on your log, then their flatbed doesn't seem so bad. Yeah I feel ya!

CaliGirlED said...

"...because they're not sitting at the desk, right in front of the computer,
their visual field is much wider; they can take in a whole lot more
than just the screen: they can see you, your desk, your chair, your
diploma hanging up on the wall..." Nice analogy. And those who have your best interest at heart will know how to get this point across to you.

CaliGirlED said...

 "...saw him sharing tonsils in a club with another woman with my own eyes!"...I almost yelled out at work! Dammit Rozb!!!

"...he was not my type, slouchy, ashy knuckles, with a gap in his front teeth so big he could eat an apple through a picket fence."...I. H.A.T.E. Y.O.U.

mutemia said...

 I would tell my family and friends, if I thought something shady was going on and I would hope they would tell me if they thought there was some bullshiggity a foot. Yeah,  they don't know all the nuances of my relationship and I don't know theirs, but we can use common sense and intuition to let people know about the red flags or outright blaring sirens and blinking signs that say (pardon my french) DTMA now and don't look back.

CaliGirlED said...

I have very few friends and family members that I hold close to my heart. But if I knew something for sure, I would tell. If I suspected or had a FEELING, I would find a way to work it in to a conversation to put something on their mind. If those same people came to me with fact, I would take heed, if they came to me with a suspicion or feeling, I would readjust my radar and possibly confront the man I was seeing.

However, I'm so low-tolerance right now that my fam or friends don't even get a chance to decide if they like a new potential S.O. before he's no longer around. I hate being alone, but I love the fact that I know what I want and I'm no longer settling for less than that! What's the opposite of thirsty, quenched? Yep that's me!

rozb said...

This title reminds me of the saying; Who you gonna believe? Me, or your lyin' eyes? Some people can be talked out of the truth, even when it is smacking them silly in the face.

sol_dier said...

 I would listen.  It doesn't hurt to hear it. I might not act the way they expect but I will listen.
On the other hand, if i found out a friend knew something and didn't tell me?? Friendship gets downgraded to acquaintance level.

And yes, i would tell a friend. What kind of a friend would I be if it is more important to preserve my connection to the friendship than the wellbeing of my friend? 

Once told a friend to leave her abusive husband, (her 6 year old son started to hit her because he 'saw his dad do it)' is something I will never regret.
She left him, but her and her entire family stopped talking to me. No matter, I'd do it again. 

It hurts to lose the friendship, but what would the other option be?. Shut up and wipe her bruises? 
no ma'am. 

JohnKinPDX said...

 So good to be made an example of here (j/k I'm cool). Not one of my friends said a word. And my sister is in a beef with some woman on a regular basis so I couldn't even take that seriously. For the most part, everyone was as shocked as I was that Tracey turned out to be "scandalously skanky" (great term by the way). She has a career in acting ahead of her if trolling for her next benefactor doesn't work out. Oh, there was one person who wasn't surprised... Kevin. :-|

thinklikeRiley said...

Riley hard-headed. My ace come to me with dis kinda ish, I think he hatin'
I gotta see thing wi my own two eyes.
But that's me. Now ya got video, forensics, money trail, Facebook? Okay den. 

Pure Choco said...

 One of my friends came to me about my ex. I heard her but thought she had misinterpreted what she say. (See how I do?) What it did do though was make me suspicious enough to keep my eyes open. Fairly quickly I saw what I needed to see. NEXT!

Javalicious said...

 I think we see what we wanna see and hear what we wanna hear. For the most part.

Rob said...

 If someone came to me with some off the wall story about Amy, I would mention it to her in passing as a laugh. If she didn't laugh with me, then we have a problem. But I would be hard pressed to believe after all the talking and counseling and praying and talking that someone could share some relationship-ending fact I wasn't somewhat aware of. But I guess it could happen. Stay tuned for the epic BougieTale that would follow.

Jubilance said...

My bestie once told me a guy wasn't good for me, AFTER I broke up with said guy. I made bestie promise to give me that kind of feedback earlier in the future.

As for if I would share, I think it would depend on the situation. Some people aren't gonna accept what's being told to them no matter how much proof/evidence you have. And sometimes you may have a feeling about someone & be wrong about them.  

CaliGirlED said...

"Hey, it wasn't me!" Eddie Murphy

Trey Charles said...

 I've been on both ends. I had homie roll up with some shiggity that tunred out not to be true (Haterade Punch) and I've told a friend about some mess that he chose to overlook and bit him in the ass later. I'd rather know what I'[m working with and I'd probably tell it again. SO everybody better act right, I will tell it.

CaliGirlED said...

Some people are good at playing the role, until they're not....You have wounds that can be healed, and I know that "Hey Trace" letter definitely healed a few. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

"...I would mention it to her in passing as a laugh. If she didn't laugh with me, then we have a problem."... LOL

OneChele said...

That's a book plot right there.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

OneChele said...

Yes, I lived with two friends and my boyfriend was hitting on one of them. They decided not to tell me to "spare my feelings". I found out when I overheard a message on her phone, he wanted to know why she wouldn't return his calls. BFF Fail.

OneChele said...

Yep. I'd rather know.

OneChele said...

Still makes sense.

OneChele said...

Damn awesome cocoa is to blame for so very much.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

OneChele said...

My thing is, you would warn me if a speeding car was heading my way, right? Consider a bad s.o. is a Yugo with no brakes and bald tires on a slick street, I'd like the warning to get the hell out the way.

OneChele said...

If only common sense was still common!

OneChele said...

That was almost the title but I didn't want to hunt for a matching graphic! ;-)

OneChele said...

EXACTLY this!

OneChele said...

That last sentence gave me life.

OneChele said...

Forensics and Facebook... SMH

OneChele said...

Let's pray that's a BougieTale I never have to post!

OneChele said...

True. I have to say that my ratchet radar is rarely far off the mark. Everytime I got the "might not be right" feeling...

OneChele said...

Duly noted.

rozb said...

Um...off-topic. How do you get your blog on Twitter? I have a new post and I can't tweet it properly... :/ Sorry - just need some help...

J B said...

I never told when I SUSPECTED...and never had concrete evidence on anyone except for once and I said nothing.

The worst time was meeting my friend's fiance 90 minutes before the wedding.  He rubbed me so badly, I wanted to kidnap her.  But she was just over 30 and paranoid she'd never get married.  Interestingly enough, I haven't seen her since the wedding...

tiffanyinhouston said...

JohnK,

I was talking with my husband today in the car and he happened to mention that around the year 1 mark of his first marriage is when his ex-wife totally flipped the script on him, so I believe it's quite possible that people can be fooled if the other person is a good enough actor. However, his parents told him after his divorce that they never cared for her. When he asked them why they didn't say anything BEFORE he got married to her, they said he was grown and they couldn't tell him what to do. That may and well be true, but it might have been enough for him to take a pause for the cause.

But I thank God that he went through that experience, because he learned so much about himself and what he really wants out of marriage and I get to reap the benefits of ALLA that! :)

Carla Clunis said...

This is a tough one. I can't say that I would take my friend's word over my SO's. I would listen to what my friend had to say and try to decipher why they felt the way they did (was it suspicion or did they see/hear me my SO do something suspect). I would also take into account who is telling me the information. It's sad to say, but a lot of people don't always have your best interest at heart or may think they are looking for you when they're really just throwing shade on something they personally don't agree with.


As far as bringing it into my relationship, depends the severity of the accusation. I would most definitely keep an eye out to see if I may have been missing something obvious. 

Would I tell another friend of my suspicions about her man? No, not unless I was absolutely sure he was up to no good or was doing something suspect. I once had a friend who was "exclusively" dating a guy I didn't very much care for because he was a "commitment phobe" and "wasn't ready" for a relationship. I, however, didn't know him very well and, for my friend to give him the time of the day, I was sure I was missing his redeeming qualities so supported her decision. He messed up, however, when he blocked a particular photo album from my friend and not me on Facebook of him and another girl getting extra cozy during a blizzard here in Chicago. I decided, as a friend, it was best to alert her that they were obviously on different pages and to let her do with the information as she wished. 

Natasha Hunter said...

Tell me and I'll tell as well, but I think the best way is to keep it Dragnet (just the facts ma'am.)
 
 Once opinions and teeth sucking enter the picture things start to get a lil' tainted and hard to recieve. Sometimes the "Girl U Need to Dump Him" Pep Squad needs to fall back so the play can be understood. 

BrendaKay said...

I told. Friend flipped out. Called me everything except a child of GOD, accused me of being jealous of her new found happiness and announced that our 7 year friendship was over. *Sigh* 

Skip ahead 7 months, "former" friend calls and between sobbing tears asks if I will talk to her. Sure, I'm well past what happened, what's on your mind? 

Well, it seems that my warnings about Creepy Mature Ninja didn't come close to the real life shenanigans of ~ three ex-wives, eight possibly nine children, credit score of -10, CMN's car being repossessed while they were out grocery shopping, and learning that the house CMN claimed was his, actually belongs to his Momma! 

As disappointing as it would be for anyone to learn all of this about a new love, my "former, now trying to be my renewed" friend ~ had quit her job of 10+ years, put her house on the market, left family and friends to move to Chicago (from Denver) to be with CMN.   

Would I do it again? Not entirely sure. But I am very proud of myself that I didn't launch into an impromptu rap during that phone call entitled, "I Told You So!" :-)  

mutemia said...

*hangs head and sighs
Exactly, but then again if folks used half the sense they were born with we wouldn't have half as many bougietales lol. :D

C Nelson said...

*laughs.* My parents solved this dilemma (for themselves) by not letting me date, pretty much at all, while I lived at home. I went to one friend's wedding with a platonic friend, missed both my proms, etc. The problem is, when I got away from home, I made all the mistakes I didn't have a chance to make when I was younger, and they had consequences bigger than teenage heartbreak. In my own defense, I don't make the same mistake twice, and my choices went from horrible to bad to okay to better to great. But just like the money management lessons, the choosing of partners is something you want them to try out first when you're still there to catch them after a stumble.

C Nelson said...

Would tell, will tell, have told, and had it go both ways, heh. For myself, I want to know, but it's been a long time since I was naive enough to not be on amber myself expecting the lights to turn red any second. (That has its own problems, for the record.) So friends and family often don't get the chance to say a word before guy is ex-guy and I'm pausing before the next. In fact, my parents are still yearning after one or two of the most awful of my exes because they didn't get to see the problems I saw, so they still think they're a good fit for me.

CaliGirlED said...

Bless your parents' collective hearts! That extreme usually backfires. I went to school with a girl whose parents wouldn't let her do anything, I mean NOTHING, and she was well let's just say "wild" at school. I would never put that harsh a restriction on my daughter. I think 16 is young enough, and I will have a good two years before college to help her with her mistakes. And until 16, we will, as we have for some years now, discuss the boys that she likes and why she doesn't like them anymore, and who she likes now. Girl it's a roller coaster ride! LOL

Natasha Smith said...

I have a good friend named John. I now refer to him as "Weepy John."

He dated Jodie for 1.5yrs. EVERYONE thought they were perfect together. The lived about an hour apart, and he was talking about leaving his great job for a lesser job in her town. He was willing to take on her 3 small children and crazy ex-hubby.

Then she dumped him out of the blue. He cried. And cried. And cried. (Get the nickname now?) He didn't understand the whys and hows of what went wrong with the relationship. 

A year later, he was still crying.

But in the course of helping him get over the relationship, he started to open up about the nitty gritty details. And let me tell you, had he been honest about half of what went on behind-the-scenes, everyone who loves him would have told him to RUN. I asked him why he didn't tell us certain details. For example, she was using sex as against him. He said, "I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about the intimate details of our relationship."

In the end, I told him, you've got to have your 1 or 2 friends who you're completely honest with; use them as your sounding board. Do regular relationship checks. If a certain behavior is bothering you in month 2, okay. But if it's still bothering you in month 4 with no talk of it changing, re-evaluate.
****
With my best friend, we'd tell each other in a heartbeat. But that's because we're family. With 'lesser' friends, I try to mention what I'm seeing in a non-confrontational manner.

I could go on and on, but I won't. This was way too long. Oops :)

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Depends on the friend. If I know they have my best interests in mind & prevent giving saying their piece w/o all the "dump him girl" madness, then I would listen & weigh their advice. I'd then make my own decision.

I've told friends & family that I didn't like their SOs, and usually I get ignored. Now, unless some type of abuse is going on, I will tactfully say I'm not the person's biggest fan but if they like it I love it and keep it moving.

Funny thing is I'm going through this now. Both of my closest friends like my current beau & think he's a great guy, but think a close friend/ex is a much better fit for me. I've had to tell them the issue is closed for now.

Lady Ngo said...

It really does depend on the friend for both me believing them and me telling them about their own shady s.o. 
If a very good friend of mine told me she felt some kinda way about my boo i would take it into consideration and depending on what kind of info she was bringin, do some follow up investigation. But honestly my antennas are almost always up so im sure if my homegirl sensed something, i was already checkin on it.

As for be the bearer of bad news, i would only tell someone i know is actually going to do something about it. If i think the person is gonna turn on me or just ignore what their partner is doing anyway, then im not stickin my neck out there. Been there before and its frustrating to see the person keep putting themselves in the same stupid situations over and over again.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

I agree with what Trey Charles  said, "...I'd rather know what I'm working with and I'd probably tell it again. SO everybody better act right, I will tell it."  Long, long ago, I met the older brother and sister-in-law of my fiance.  At one point the sis-in-law and I were away from the menfolk and having nice conversation.  She delicately worked into some concerns in the form of questions - none of which I had answers to, or had known about before she mentioned them.  I asked for more info but that was all she gave.  Later on after he revealed himself to be a true psychopath, I wished that she had just come out with it all and let me operate with more knowledge.  Unfortunately, many folk will not be that forthcoming because they don't want to leave their DNA as evidence of being in your business if there is a chance that they will be found out.  I appreciate her attempt but had the roles been reversed, I would have told her everything.  

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails