Friday, May 06, 2011

Lessons learned from Mr Jack - a guest post by JasonP


Today, JasonP wants to talk about last week's controversial letter writer, Mr Jack. Mr Jack broke up with his girlfriend of two years because she didn't cook and talked back. Let's see what he's got...

I've been hanging around BougieLand for about a year and half now. Never have I seen the level of outrage and irritation that was directed towards Mr Jack in the Ask A Bougie Chick segment where dude wanted a woman to be his everything and not an iota less. Last I looked there were over 200+ comments. That post seemed to bring out a lot of feelings in people. Before I share what I learned, I have a few observations.

1) I'm not Mr Jack, don't bring it here
2) Why so angry, ladies?
3) Why so touchy, bruhs?
4) He mighta been wrong but was he so very wrong?

Here's what I think I learned-

The truth is... it is a man's world. I could say it prettier so that the ladies won't threaten to knife me in back alleys but facts is facts. For the over 60% of us that are still traditional in values, the man is still the head of the household, the aggressor, the final decision maker, the one who gets down on one knee and proposes. But to assume that a man's world could even exist without women is stupid. 

It's a man's right to hold out for exactly what he wants. HOWEVER, he should do this with the understanding of snoozing and losing and that old saying about the early bird and the worm... also true. Plus it's not like great women are sitting around tapping their foot waiting on the Jacks of the world to roll up. By the time Jack comes around, that perfect woman is with an imperfect man who made her feel good compared to what. (Don't act brand new, you know exactly what I mean by that)

Who told Jack he was the catch of the year? Who is to blame for half decent guys (I know more than a few) walking around acting like they could levitate and part the Red Sea at any moment? Ladies? Get your friends. Some of them are throwing panties, car keys and accolades at bruhs who used to get an eyeroll and a "boy please". Yes, I blame this on the sisters.Some of you are way too eager to get got. And then act surprised when you do.

Can we talk a minute about bedroom beasting and why it's so dangerous but so damn good? Truth time. I have definitely prolonged a relationship that I knew was going nowhere because the cocoa was hot. Like Nola  Darling "Gotta Have It" hot. Got you standing outside a woman's door pleading, "Please, baby, please, please!" That kind of good-good skews the whole game. You will overlook a lot of otherwise "unwifeable" behavior for the regular hot cocoa. (I bet at least four of you will have issue with the term unwifeable. It's a descriptive, not a derogative. Stay with me ladies)

Lastly, who stays with someone they are that unsure about for two years? I'd would rather date 15 women in 12 months to find one great one than stick with one that was just okay for two years. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

Jack came across self-absorbed and slightly deluded but we only got a snapshot of his situation. At the end of the day, it's not a bad thing that he knows what he wants and won't settle for this. But I have to wonder if he has what it takes to go get it. Thanks for the floor and the edit so I sound like I have some education, Chele. *drops mic and flees the left exit door*

Well now. Jason had some insightful observations. What say you? Do thirsty women create the egos of the Mr Jacks of the world? Does the early bird really get the worm? Can hot cocoa turn your brain into mush? What's better? To serial date a lot of people or to try and make it work with one that you're not 100% sure of? Any thoughts about Jason's thoughts? Do share...

84 comments:

Reads4Pleasure said...

Before thirsty women ever enter the picture, consider the mothers that love their sons and raise their daughters. In my opinion, this is what ultimately leads most men to believe they're the greatest thing since sliced bread with Nutella and leads some women to believe they must bring home the bacon, fry it up and serve it up to a man butt naked on a platter of gold and platinum before she's truly worthy of him.


I don't know if women are angry, but they probably feel deceived that they were sold a line of thinking and behaving that ultimately benefits the sons of those women (sometimes their own mothers). If men are conditioned from birth to believe that it's their world, guess what? They start to believe it. The need to re-wire both men and women starts at birth.

sol_dier said...

You say it's a mans world.. So what?
It is largely still a white world, maybe you would like to sit down and smile so some nice white man can appraise you?

Cos really that statement is simply the essence of misogyny and seems to be setting the ground for: 'well this is the way things are, so just accept it and deal with it'.

You say it because the status quo benefits you, you refuse to see or acknowledge how it demeans other human beings.

Yes, both men and women have the right to hold out for whatever. Not one single comment denied that. however, Jack wrote in because he wasn't sure if HE made the RIGHT CHOICE. He asked for opinions, he got them. what/where is the problem?.

It was inevitable, women will get the blame for Jack's poor behaviour. Anytime a man misbehaves its 'teh wimmens'. If all women were virginal saints, they'd still get the blame for stuff.. It'll be cos they were too chaste and didn't allow a man to release his natural urges.

What is it about personal responsibility for men that is just so darn hard to grasp?. You paint a picture on one hand, of men as decision makers, aggressors, resolute blah blah..
and on the other, mof men as emotionally crippled, childlike savage beasts who will are shaped entirely by behaviour external to their own.

Yes we women are always to blame for 'half decent guys', because if we like a guy with flaws, its our fault we didn't hold out for Mr. Perfect.
If we hold out for Mr Perfect, we are aiming too high, are unrealistic, gold diggers, over educated... e.t.c

I don't get it. A woman can be any number of things and we will scream at how she could have changed if she wanted to, but a man... dear God no! Apparently men in your world are savage beasts who have no self control and will jump into bed with any woman as long as she is throwing 'the panties'

Oh, btw. I am not angry. A lot of this stuff is amusing as hell. Sometimes incredulous but amusing.
However, I know that the 'you are angry, you have something wrong in your life' e.t.c. is usually the first trope pulled out of the hat, when a woman either questions or completely disagrees with a traditional man's point of view.

Oh well... whatever (shrugs)

Leon X said...

*Smells the air* Ahhh! Entitlement!

sol_dier said...

Chele:
1) Each of us meet thirsty people along the way, sycophants, people who think the sun shines out of us. It is up to each of us to keep ourselves in check and know that we are still flawed. Jack and Jack alone is responsible for his ego. If he is a jerk on the football field will we blame his team mates?

2) The early bird will get A worm. i don't think that analogy is appropriate here, because many human relationships are not about getting any worm. Its about trial an error, managing flaws and having realistic expectations.

3) No. Its not cocoa that turns the brain to mush, its our egos. Good cocoa is amazing, especially when it happens like magic. But it does not a relationship make, we get in trouble when we think we can ignore everything else4) We are all different, I think having good dating experiences teach us to reject that childish idea of perfection in other human beings when we are not perfect ourselves. Your ideal man or woman might snore. Is that big enough a relationship killer?. when everything else is perfect? probably for someone like Jack who wouldn't have the common sense to suggest separate bedrooms. lol

CaliSlim said...

We're all grown...Mr. Jack can and will govern themselves accordingly. I strongly believe you can give anyone advice, but until they have an "ah ha" moment or a situation that forces them to reexamine and change, advice is just empty words.

That being said, he asked for feedback, he got it. LOL. That's the thing about soliciting advice! But I was one of the (few?) women who felt he wasn't asking for too much... it was more about his attitude about it. But as you stated, it's his right. So *shrug*

CaliGirlED said...

Uh uh Jason, get your butt back in here! LOL!!!


You brought up some good points, but I think it's all relative to your beliefs and values. Those who are traditional would totally agree with you. Those who are of the new mind set, would say your full of ish. I am one who believes in some traditional values, but recognize that we no longer live in a world where stay at home moms are the norm (at least not in the average household). Having said that, the "entitlement" that some men still hold is frayed, to say the least. Jack wants a woman with the "new mind set" (working, staying beautiful and kickin butt in Corporate America), but with a "stay at home" attitude. It's just too contradictory. Not that She does not exist, but a man would be hard pressed to find her, and truthfully it may be just a matter of time before she snaps due to the tug of war going on inside of her.


I do agree that mothers and ex S.O.'s can have a man thinking that his ish smells of roses, and that hot cocoa served with all the right toppings on a regular can turn a brain to mush, but at the end of the day we are all responsible for the reality that we hold on to. The Jacks (and Jackies) of the world need to get a grip, "I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer and see that roses really smell like boo-boo. Yeah, roses really smell like boo-boo." (Thanks Andre 3000!)


As for this being a man's world, and I quote James Brown, "...but it wouldn't mean nothing nothing without a woman or a girl." So how can one possibly be high on the horse about something that means nothing without the presence of someone else?
IJS

Stank_0 said...

The problem is choice. (s/o to the Architect) Choice carries an opportunity cost, learn to deal with it. I could ramble on and on about hypotheticals but he made a conscious choice and there's a cost to it. Hopefully he can deal.

sol_dier said...

Mr . Leon X,

Sir, you rock.

mojitochica said...

Where did you get that 60% stat?

Paul on Ice said...

That's a brave soul. He made some valid points whether people care to hear them or not.

Javalicious said...

Just in time for Mother's Day! Ha. Excellent point.

SingLikeSassy said...

JUST based on that short post, I'd say that Jack flatters himself. GREATLY. However, if that woman wasn't for him then by all means he should not stay with her indefinitely. Leave and give both of them the opportunity to find someone else/better.


As for the men's world, thirsty girls thing, my Grandma said "men ain't gon' stop, til women stop." This irritates me cause, dammit, why the onus ALWAYS got to be on women?! When do dudes stop and say, the low hanging fruit just isn't that damn tasty? At what point do you learn the difference between what's good TO you and what's good FOR you?


I have more thoughts, but need to earn a little bit o' money so I'll be back.

thinklikeRiley said...

Women say they wanna know whatta man think. Then he tell them and they get hot.

Instead of going defensive, why not take what the brother said as an opp to learn and discuss some ish.

SMH

Trudy said...

Let's see...privilege, patriarchy (which [some] Black men STILL seem to not understand does not work for their benefit in the long run), false statistics, uncomfortable metaphors....yikes. This post is actually more offensive than what Jack said. In my opinion, you didn't defend him well and this post makes you appear like a bigger stereotypical patriarch than he does. And before you suggest that I am "angry," I am calm.

The commenter sol_dier hit the mark when he/she mentioned "You say it's a mans world. So what? It is largely still a white world, maybe you would like to sit down and smile so some nice white man can appraise you?" So other than in James Brown's song, a "man's world" is just that, a song. I am always stunned at how (some) Black men are appalled even disgusted with racism yet sexism is the warm swaddling clothing that keeps them secure at night.

I know (some) Black men think that if Black women would just be obedient and take orders, agree with whatever is said and similar actions, relationships would work better. Under the culture of patriarchy, this might even be a valid thought. But the actual science and forensic statistics reveal otherwise. Many of women take orders right into a grave. Some of the most traditional relationships are ones plagued with domestic violence. (Some) Black men have to realize that wanting women to behave in a "traditional" manner, regardless of how roles have changed and even socioeconomics, cultural expectations and the like have changed is akin to White Tea Party Teahadists stating that they "want their country back."

I agree that people can desire whatever they want in a partner. But, an intelligent person will realize when their desires are contradictory, sexist, unreasonable and less likely to be fulfilled, and accept the consequences of those desires not being fulfilled.

Jason P said...

For the record, I wasn't defending Jack. I was just stating my thoughts and opinions. Agree or disagree. They are still my thoughts. I don't think that those who disagree or took offense are angry. I think they took offense and disagree. I don't buy into the Angry Black Women meme. I was opening up a dialogue in the hopes of information sharing. That is what we do here.

Jason P said...

I'll own that :)

FreeBlackMan said...

I think some of the ladies were not feeling Jack because he made it sound like he had a paragon of perfection and that wasn't good enough. I think some of the bruhs were touchy because they are looking for a paragon of perfection and Jack threw his away. I applaud your honesty Jason. This may not be your target audience though.

FreeBlackMan said...

Bob and weave.

CaliGirlED said...

"Those who are traditional would totally agree with you. Those who are of the new mind set, would say your full of ish"...It is what it is. "Opinions and a$$holes..." LOL!!!

BlackButterfly said...

If this were a game of jeopardy I would have to select 'personal responsibility' for $1000. If an adult can't look at themselves with a sense self awareness that is not based on what others did not do/could not do FOR them then their problem lies within!


Question: In this "Man's World" why does fault for what goes wrong for/with men seem to fall on the women?
??

Grace said...

Hmmm, this actually does not upset me. I'd rather hear the brutal truth of a man's thoughts than have him blow smoke up my skirt and be thinking it anyway. Thanks @JasonP for keeping it all the way real.

sol_dier said...

From Jason P :
2) Why so angry, ladies?

Sweet N Tart said...

Love this to assume that a man's world could even exist without women is stupid.

Jason P said...

I think if you go through and read a lot of those 246 comments, there were some angry responses from the ladies. I don't assume you walk around angry at the world all of the time. Or find it necessary to dissect every point and have the last word... I'm sure you're far more open minded than that.

Leon X said...

To be clear, my comment wasn't about you as an individual. My point (the same one I made in Mr. Jack's post) is the idea that we're entitled to the "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" or the "looks good in a suit or comfortable in t-shirt, jeans, and Timbs" person as if they should knock on our doors and save us the time it would take to look for them. The world was here when we got here, it'll still be around when we're gone.

sol_dier said...

Ok now I'm really confused. You made this post for 'hopes of sharing information' you are making points and I'm simply responding with my own opinion based on your post and the inconsistencies I see within it.
Surely, you are big enough to accept that sharing info is a 2 way street without resorting to veiled insults?
oh well ... its whatever.

William Martin said...

I have thoughts on this subject but it is my personal policy not to alienate or aggravate women I may want to "get to know better" at some point. Therefore, my response is "interesting, Jason. Thank you for sharing."

SingLikeSassy said...

I use this expression ALL THE TIME: mothers that love their sons and raise their daughters.


It is ruining us.

SingLikeSassy said...

Yeah, I'm not mad. I'm glad you shared your thoughts and spurred conversation today!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

OK, I'm back. I find it interesting that some folks think rebuttals to Jason's post are "angry." I scrolled back down to see what was supposed to be angry thinking I had missed something. Nope. Perception and reality. *shrug*


Anyways, if you can overlook some flaws because of beastly cocoa, why isn't it OK for women to overlook some flaws for whatever reason they choose? Some folks decide that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and work with it. Others keep searching for the Holy Grail. It's a gamble whatever route you take.

Steve said...

Hot bubbly cocoa is to blame for all sorts of shiggity. JP, there are some things we may think but not articulate. Especially in a predominantly female room.

Steve said...

We see you playa.

SingLikeSassy said...

We been knew this was what y'all think though. This aint new information. Not to me anyway.

Andrea M said...

LOL at all the bait you dangled! "It is a man's world" "Unwifeable" "Date 15 women in 12 months" - It's a cornucopia of controversial tidbits. Love it!


Men can do and believe what they want. Women can do the same damn thing. If two agree they should join up and see what happens. If they don't they can keep it moving.

SingLikeSassy said...

Maybe Jack's girl needed to learn this skill. *ducks before the other ladies hit me with rotten tomatoes*

blackprofessor said...

I agree that some of the blame for the lackluster, trifling and lazy behavior that men exhibit is in fact due to women, be it their mothers, wives or significant others. Yes, women are settling for basement behavior when they live in attics and that is no bueno. This is what personally bothered me about Mr. Jack. His expectations seemingly supersede what he has to offer a woman. He didn’t mention if he cooked or if he had proper control over his mouth, the two things that he slighted the former girlfriend on. I see nothing wrong with expecting what you BRING to the table; that is fair in my book. Nothing in Jack’s letter remotely suggested that he was expert in the things that his ex wasn’t. Yet, he is expecting a 10 and it doesn’t work like that.

StealthBomber said...

Thus proving his "last word" point. The exact kind of talk back that Jack mentioned.

Violet Rose said...

Jack, is that you?

blackprofessor said...

This happens all the time as I am sure most women can attest to having dated a Jack, I can.

blackprofessor said...

In a nutshell!

Violet Rose said...

What's the male equivalent of "unwifeable"? Just curious.

Natasha Hunter said...

I didn't get too upset by Jack's post even though I found him pompous. Really, I think most of us have thrown away someone that someone else would be doing backflips over and have at least in the quiet moments regretted it. Some of us have been the ones that were thrown away. On either side of that coin, if you stir up feelings, emotions are bound to come out.

Sometimes people who know they have a good thing will stay in the unsure zone for 2+ years because they're might be a GREAT thing and they want to be free to move, but if the GREAT thing doesn't exist, they don't want to lose their good. Also people may hold onto someone while their unsure because they are hoping that one day they'll wake up and the things that keep them from making a total commitment have become unimportant. It's not right, but it happens.

OneChele said...

*snickers*

Trey Charles said...

Ladies here in BnB a bit smarter than the average.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Maybe. Or maybe she got to the point where she was sick of some (maybe minor) flaw of his and decided to stop biting her tongue. I know when I'm over a dude, I stop censoring as much.

Cha Keziah said...

I'm not gonna lie, my initial response to this was to call shiggity and go back to my lawschool induced finals haze (pray for me y'all!). Then I stopped for a minute, took a deep breath of normal air and realized: it's perfectly fine for you to "want it all," because let's face it: so do I. I am very self aware and I know my standard and the type of man I want.
I'm not going to lower that. So I can't fault anyone else, man or woman,
for being the same. Go for what you want. Pursue it. But, and here's where my issue with Mr. Jack came in, don't whine and moan if you're alone ater realizing you had it and let it go. And, please Jesus, don't be too lazy to work for it (because things/ppl as amazing as we all want don't fall from the sky into our lazy laps). This I can wholeheartedly agree with: "At the end of the day, it's not a bad thing that he knows what he wants
and won't settle for this. But I have to wonder if he has what it takes
to go get it."



As to the thirsty women and egotistical men: they live in a symbiotic relationship, feeding off each other. But guess what: I don't really care. I'm not checkin for Mr. Jack, and based on some of what he said, while I may fit his theoretical prototype, he's not checkin for me either. So, y'all go ahead and be thirsty and egotistical and ratchet or whatever together, you're not who I want. *shrug*


Now, I can't speak on the effects of that there cocoa because I haven't had hot chocolate just yet but, uh, yeah, you might want to avoid stirrin until you know you can deal wth the other person on all levels. Just my $0.01.


Having said allll that...sir, I think that for many of the women, the issue with Mr. Jack wasn't what he said but the stench of patriarchy and male privilege that wafted through his words. Yes, in the traditional relationship, the man is the leads, proposes, etc BUT if he is operating correctly (and to me that means biblically) he is willing to die for this woman and would not, in any circumstances, harm or lord over her. Am I willin to let a man like THAT be the "head?" yes. Some of these other jokers (not necessarily you, but some) want the title but not the responsibility. Sorry playa.


(apologies or the long response Chele. Won't happen again)

Trey Charles said...

Knowing your target audience is a skillset

mutemia said...

THIS RIGHT HERE!!! You put it so perfectly. Women get so many damn mixed messages and its hard to keep it all straight. We're told give a man withI also love the assumption most of us were so angry. Yeah I said, he was a jackass but more of a lmao dumbass, good luck finding that 20% player.

AndyHopper said...

CO and SIGNED! This is why we have the same peeps. I couldn't have said it better myself... You took quite the studying break to speak your mind. Glad you did

Natasha Hunter said...

I think I said that on Jack's post too. When old girl's response to him was "Maybe you need to find someone..." that's that "Ninja, please just go" lingo.

CaliGirlED said...

One man's trash is another man's treasure...I like what, I believe it was, Jake said, something to the effect of accepting her with the beastly cocoa because he can cook and needs a second opinion. And then verified her location, San Diego right? LOL

Natasha Hunter said...

Is "talk back", supposed to be a kinder way of saying "back talk?" "Talk back" sounds real Mr. from the Color Purple, Ike Turner-ish. I'm very serious, is one more worse than the other or is it the same thing?

Trudy said...

Great point about "wanting title w/o responsibility." I always think of this in reference to jobs/corporate culture, but you illustrated how that permeates romantic relationships as well.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

One of my problems with the entire relationship diatribe is that something important gets lost in the discussion. At the end of the day, you just want one, right? One man, one woman. So I would say if you don't know what men want, ask the one you're interested in. Same for the fellas. Instead of it being a mystery for the ages, ask the questions and decide what you are willing to do.

It's a class move for you to share the forum with so many different voices,
OneChele
.

sol_dier said...

I am not his daughter nor his child. We are both adults. He raised a point I disagreed. He lobbed a personal insult I noted it.
When you can't defend your point, you result to insults and stereotypical nonsense.
With that kind of attitude, you can go and find yourself a mindless automaton who trembles at the very sound of your voice.

Now watch this swing...

sol_dier said...

missed it too. A woman can't seem to express a different opinion without being labelled angry.
Rather than ask, it seems some men are more than happy to tell a woman what and how they are feeling.

Annette Evans said...

"Polecat".

GrownAzzMan said...

Might want to stick and move too...LOL

Deb B said...

Pookie?

Annette Evans said...

See...this right here--
"The truth is... it is a man's world. "

Dude, you are really delusional to buy into that tired, 1950's ideal. Guys might still feel that way, but when the women stopped buying into that sterotype, it changed the relationship dynamic like the shot heard round the world. Lets face facts--women are never going back to accepting the notion that we are here "only to satisfy the plesure of our Lord and Master". Traditional values be damned, not many of the brothers have women(or wives for that matter) that are living the June Cleaver lifestyle right about now. Nobody, man or woman is ever going to find someone who is going to have all the quailities they want, and why should they? I imagine it would very boring and Stepford-ish. The thing that keeps us going is a challenge, and in my experience, even "Mrs. Perfect" cannot hold her man if he wants to stray.

HonestCounselor said...

I'm enjoying this discussion a lot! I didn't have a problem with Jack as I have met him before in my own journey. I think what gave many people pause was the fact that him seemed to want the extraordinary woman when he seemed to be bring ordinary qualifications to the table. It reminds me of an incident in college. A guy was sharing with me and my girlfriends that (and I quote), "if a girl is with then she must know that she's a 10." One of my girlfriends simply replied, "well, does she know that she's with a 6?" IMO, this summed up Jack's approach (I am basing this on the BASIC qualities he stated that made him a "catch"). But Jack didn't get that way on his own because there are sadly too many extraordinary women taking the bait and jumping through hoops to have a 6.

GrownAzzMan said...

"
So, y'all go ahead and be thirsty and egotistical and ratchet or whatever together, you're not who I want. *shrug* "

That is the whole story...

SingLikeSassy said...

Scrub?

Man's World said...

Hmm. Looks over at post where all the women said they wanted alpha male and looks back at these comments. "Does not compute"


You want a man to lead the pack,do you like Mandingo and be about something - he's gonna sound a lot like Jason is sounding today. Oh, you want a take charge man who also falls back and says "whatever you want, sweetie"

A-ight den.

Man's World said...

O__o

Man's World said...

Guard the grill and don't forget the footwork

maureen palmer said...

Reading some of the comments, and I'm like whoa! I did not find the post offensive, unless something is lost in translation of me- reading it in English and translating it in Swahili in my head lol!
Thanks Jason P for you perspective and Chele thank you for allowing others to share your space.

AndreaPlaid said...

Hmmm...If we want to keep it gender-neutral, perhaps "unpartnerable?" or "unboo-able" If we want to be all hetero about it, then perhaps "unmannable?" "Unhubbyable?" "Run-girl-RUN-able?"

But I think what you said brings up a great point: how interesting (and by "interesting" I mean "eyerollingly sexist") that the term is. We've turned "wife" into a verb and adjective (as if being a wife is something that can be done") but we've yet to do the same with the word "husband."

SingLikeSassy said...

Last. Word.


That is all. LOL!

Bunni said...

" But guess what: I don't really care. I'm not checkin for Mr. Jack, and based on some of what he said, while I may fit his theoretical prototype, he's not checkin for me either. So, y'all go ahead and be thirsty and egotistical and ratchet or whatever together, you're not who I want. *shrug* " <--THIS!! I can't bring myself to care or get all worked up about how Mr. Jack feels or JasonP feels or Steve Harvey feels because 1) they aren't, nor do they represent ALL men and 2) if Idon't agree with them then obviously they (or men who agree with them) aren't the ones for me.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

"Run-girl-RUN-able"

ihollered! I need to get some stickers printed and paste these on some dudes I know.

Donnie said...

Good Post, JasonP. And much props to those ladies who appreciated a man for giving his real thoughts, although those thoughts may not make them all that happy. However, some of the commentators seemed so intent on attacking Mr. Jack and “patriarchy”, and giving “crowd-pleasing” definitions as to what real man is, that they failed to dig beneath the surface of Mr. Jack’s bombastic and pompous commentary and see the real issue. The real issue is that too many of us seem to think that good looks and professional accomplishment make us a good catch or make our potential mates a good catch. I actually heard this attractive sista on one talk show get up and say that she deserved a top quality man because she had a PhD. Huh??? That PhD is a major accomplishment to be proud of and says she's an educated expert in a subject area, but it says very little to a man about her kindness, her compassion, her empathy, her sense of humor, and how she'll treat me when I’m old, sick, etc. So on the surface (and probably beneath!), Mr. Jack is a misogynist jerk with a false sense of entitlement who needs to be “King” all the time. But what I also took from his commentary is that Mr. Jack learned the hard way that just because the packaging is nice and the resume is tight doesn’t mean that this is someone you can live with on a day-to-day basis. Believe me, if a woman that good looking as Mr. Jack described was serving up hot sex on a platter, she must being doing something seriously irritating to get him to break it off like that! As JasonP said, we just don’t walk away from great sex without a good reason….even when we really should!There is also a prevailing theme in many of the commentaries about “patriarchy” or that Mr. Jack needs to “man-up” and learned to live in the 21st century. This line of reasoning totally ignores the impact and power a woman has on a man’s psyche and mental state. The right woman can make a man accomplish and do things that even he himself didn’t know he was capable of. The wrong woman can drive a man to the point of temporary insanity. We seem to think that we as men and women can operate independent of each other when we are really interdependent on each other. And unless Black folks start getting this thing right, we gonna continue down this line of 70% out of wedlock births and decreasing marriage rates…
Maybe men and women see things differently, but I also think some people are confusing “talking back” with somebody being just plain irritating. Debate is stimulating and fun, and having a great conversation with your lady is so cool. But as any great conversationalist will tell you, there are times to be silent, whether you’re a man or a woman. No one, male or female, wants every innocuous comment they make challenged or commented on. That would drive most folks crazy. And even as the Bible says, “love overlooks faults”…not everything needs to be discussed. Some things you just let ride and move on….
Chele ask for a man’s opinion….so I had to put in mine also! JasonP, thanks for the post!

OneChele said...

I feel like I need to take notes on this. Lots to absorb. Guest post?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Donnie said...

Sorry Ms. Chele...didn't mean to write a dissertation! I just think Mr. Jack's correspondence touched on some deep issues...

OneChele said...

I appreciate the detailed thought!

taut_7 said...

i agree with JasonP. everyone has the right to be as selective as they please and not settle for what they don't want to settle for. if they miss out then its on them.

the truth hurts sometimes.

Nicole said...

@twitter-18500811:disqus This is why we need fathers so much in the mix..... because fathers raise their sons and love their daughters. However, we don't have has much present father figures in the black community. This right here is why I am making a conscious choice not todate any guy with a single mother and NO strong male figure in his life. I have been burnt one too many times by these ninjas whose mama let them think they ish don't stink

C Nelson said...

I was thinking the same thing. I didn't see "angry". I definitely saw dismissive, amused, and the kind of tolerance you show a three-year-old who's brought you a handful of weeds as if they're the rarest blue roses, though. Come to think of it, that last was a lot like Jack's presentation of himself -- bare minimum masquerading as magic and unicorns too. I mean, the man listed "straight" and "monogamous when in a relationship". Oh ... kay? In what world does a woman not have the right to take those as givens unless she and her partner have specifically made made other arrangements?

CorettaJG said...

Mmm-hmm. *chuckle*

jam vibol said...

Agen Bola : Manuel Llorente Telah Lepaskan Jabatannya
Valencia memberikan konfirmasi bahwa Manuel Llorente telah mengundurkan diri dari jabatannya sebagai presiden klub.
Llorente mengumumkan keputusannya itu setelah rapat direksi pada hari Jumat (05/4) kemarin. Llorente menanggalkan jabatannya, tapi tak pergi dari Mestalla begitu saja. Dia akan tetap bersama Los Che sebagai direktur mereka.
Hari ini, saya berhenti sebagai presiden Valencia,' terang pria yang sudah menjadi presiden Valencia sejak 2009 itu seperti dikutip oleh Indo Eleven. Bersama Llorente, wakil presiden Jose Antonio Garcia Moreno juga mundur dari jabatannya.
www.indo11.com

sila cha said...


Rodgers: Liverpool ´in control´ of Suarez saga
Agen Bola indo11.com reported, Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers insists the club will have the final say on where Luis Suarez’s future lies.
Suarez has hinted at a desire to move to Real Madrid after a tumultuous season at Anfield, culminating with a 10-match ban incurred for biting Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic.
Rodgers, however, insisted the club would decide when Suarez, who is representing Uruguay at the Confederations Cup in Brazil, leaves Merseyside.
“I haven’t spoke to him, I’ve exchanged messages but for me it’s quite simple – the club are in control of the situation,” he told asreported byIndo Eleven.
“For me there is no real change in it. He’s away with the Uruguay squad at the moment and we’re messaging and what not. I will always listen to players. I always work closely with players and listen to their point of view but the biggest word is with the club.”
Rodgers said Suarez’s fondness for Liverpool is something many members of the media choose to ignore in their stories on the striker, and added that he is keen to keep the 26-year-old.
“Sometimes interviews get put out there and highlighted, but parts of Luis’ interviews have been about how much he loves Liverpool, but of course that doesn’t get highlighted,” he said.
Source : www.indo11.com

sila cha said...


De la Torre pleased despite Mexico exit
Agen Bola indo11.com reported, Mexico coach Jose Manuel de la Torre was pleased with his players after they ended their Confederations Cup campaign with a win over Japan.
A brace from Manchester United star Javier Hernandez was enough to secure a 2-1 victory for the Mexicans in Brazil, while Japan scored an 86th-minute consolation from Shinji Okazaki.
Neither side were able to progress from Group A, with Brazil and Italy moving into the semi-finals, but de la Torre was pleased with his side’s win in Belo Horizonte.
“The team did very well today, we put together some good moves and managed to score,” de la Torre said.
“That’s what stood out for me, as well as my players’ constant fighting spirit. I’m confident this team will continue developing. “It’s good to leave on a high note.”
Japan coach Alberto Zaccheroni, meanwhile, said his players were tired after their epic 4-3 loss to Italy on Thursday.asreported byIndo Eleven.
Japan, who have already booked their place at the 2014 World Cup, finished bottom of Group A without a point.
Source : www.indo11.com

sila cha said...


Del Bosque happy to have options
Agen Bola indo11.com reported, Spain coach Vicente Del Bosque is pleased to have so many options ahead of his side’s clash against Nigeria on Sunday.
Del Bosque made several changes after Spain’s 2-1 win over Uruguay, and it made no difference to their form as they thrashed Tahiti 10-0 at the Confederations Cup.
Spain are expected to revert to the team which beat Uruguay, but Victor Valdes’ return in goals is the only change Del Bosque confirmed on Saturday.
He said having so many options was good for his squad, who need at least a draw to confirm their spot in the semi-finals.
“Well, there will be few changes with the last match, of course. For example, Victor Valdes will be the goalkeeper,” Del Bosque said.
“A part from that, the rest of the players will be more or less like in the first match, but we have a lot of alternatives and possibilities.
“In one hand that is a problem for us, but in the other hand is also an opportunity to be able to choose between that many players.”asreported byIndo Eleven.
If Spain finish top of Group B – as is expected – they will face Italy in the semi-finals and avoid a clash against hosts Brazil.
Del Bosque said he had been impressed by Brazil, particularly their attacking play.
Source : www.indo11.com

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