Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 10: Awkward!


So what had happened was... 3N (Ninja Not Nouveau) was in Asia, then I was in Florida for a week and then 3N had his mother staying with him for about 12 days and then I went on an East Coast run. Long story short, Monsieur Le Ninja and I got to thinking that some "adult quality time" was needed... post haste. 

My plane landed around 2:30pm. I retrieved my car, went into work, went to the bank and went home. I spun around in the shower, got as cute as I could in 20 minutes and headed over to his house after a quick stop at the grocery store. He wasn't home when I arrived so I used my key and let myself in. 

Thirty minutes later, I had whipped up shrimp fajitas with black beans and rice. I had a pitcher of pear martinis (for me) and his bougie-azz beer chilling in the freezer. Then I sat down on the sofa to watch TV. Since I kept dozing off, I decided to go ahead and crawl into bed for a quick nap. I stripped down to undies and dove in.

Next thing I know, a voice is saying, "So was she part of the relocation package? Because that's a perk to get used to." I opened one eye and saw an older version of 3N smiling down at me. Oh yeah... 3N's daddy done come to town and caught me just about nekkid up in his son's bed. He looked from me to 3N and said, "If this is the same one your mother likes, I can certainly understand what you see in her." And then Daddy Ninja literally cackled.

Say it with me now... AWKWARD!

3N (clearly trying not to laugh his azz off) slung an arm around his dad's shoulder, "Dad, this is Michele. Michele, my father. She'll shake hands with you in ten minutes." He ushered his dad out of the room. I sat up and put my head in my hands. Only. Me. 

He came back in the room and shut the door with the largest grin on his face ever. "So... uh... thanks for coming by with dinner and... stuff."

"Shut it."

"Nice bra. Is it new?"

Heated side-eye from me to him.

"You made quite an impression on him. He appreciates a half naked woman who can cook."

"Seriously shut it."

"You gonna hide in here all night?"

"Maybe." I folded my arms across my chest and fought off the urge to pout.

So what did I do? I got dressed, walked into the kitchen and served dinner. I made small talk, I poured drinks, I charmed the hell out of Daddy N and then I rolled out. These are the days of my life...

Ever find yourself in an awkward situation where all you could do is play it off? No? Then why me? <~rhetorical question. Comments, laughter, shared embarrassing moments welcomed below...

94 comments:

Leon X said...

This is all I have for that situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhTiJEYqqY8

maureen palmer said...

Wow, definitely awkward.  But let me get this coffee before I dive in.  Chele you are killing this morning.

michaeldavis said...

It could've been worse...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyTMly3rBa4  


I really wanted the clip where Eddie gives David Alan Grier a hug but this will have to do :)

Newbie11 said...

I see my prayers are working...3N keep doing what you are doing my brother!!
*Happy Dance*

Sarah said...

I'm sorry for your embarrassment, Chele, but that was so funny I can't even think what to write. You do seem to lead an interesting life. I can't remember having an awkward moment like that except in my dreams. I often have dreams where people show up walking through the apartment when I'm trying to sleep. I'm glad you made it back from your trip even with the storms.

AndreaPlaid said...

Oh dear...out of the arms of the storms and into the arms of embarrassment.

Sorry about that, luv.

sugahoneyicedtea said...

I'm sorry Chele, but I had to laugh...great face-saving, & kudos to New Ninja for holding (most) of his composure...

CaliSlim said...

Heeeeeey...... look who has a key.

And the lengths you'll go to to impess Pops. You are in this to win it! ;-) LOL.

Great story. I love to read about this relationship! Even if you have to give Pops a peep show. LOL

sol_dier said...

AHHHHHHHH .... OH MY GAWD! I can't stop laughing! Oh Jesus take the wheel. I beg you Jesu Christi.. Haaa haa haa.  I'm soo sorry. I'm crying now lol!

Oh my gawd!! lol I can't believe I'm crying of laughter lol. oh GAWD!
iCant. iDead. I'm so sorry. bwaaahhaaaaahaa.

sol_dier said...

Now that I've calmed down a little can I just say I'm super impressed that you whipped up the blackbeans and rice with shrimp fajitas in 30minutes.
You = keeper. and repping hard for the 'smooth & effortless crew' 

CaliGirlED said...

 LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

You made me laugh all over again!

CaliGirlED said...

Chele, Chele, Chele! Living vicariously through you, I have seen and heard it all! GREAT way to meet Dad! And only you could have done it with so much class DESPITE the initial setting! I'm sorry girl but I am LMAO!!!

And don't think I didn't peep that "my key" thang! Um hmm....I love it!!! You guys are too much!

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

OMG!! You need to put a warning with these posts about not drinking while reading Bougie Tales. I almost ruined my laptop with this one. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you.

You have got to put this scenario in one of your upcoming books. It is funny yet extremely cute!

thinklikeRiley said...

One question - YouTube? Ninja needs to be ON. THAT.
Two questions - ya got keys and ish? Throwing down in the kitchen like dat?
Third question - BougieLand wedding?

Court A said...

OMG! That is terrible. I would have stayed in the room. You are awesome lol.

William Martin said...

*snickers*
*tries to stop*
*falls out on floor guffawing*

rozb said...

Chele, this is going to be an awesome chapter in your book! This story is too cute! After your trip fiasco, you needed a little humor and adventure. And...you turned a potentially seriously embarrassing situation into a win-win. This is how Bougie is done!

rozb said...

 She kept the key part to herself. All discreet and stuff.

md_KG said...

OMG! LMAO! I. Just. Cannot....WHAAAAT??!! My face is red from embarrassment for you AND AT THE SAME TIME I'm crying from laughter!! Sheeeeiiiit!!! This belongs on a sitcom ASAPtually!! 

CorettaJG said...

OH. MY. NO....just NO!

CorettaJG said...

Hmm...interesting context clues for sure.

maureen palmer said...

Chele, sorry but I have shared today's blog with my  cube mates and we are dying laughing,  not at you but with u.  YOu thought u turned beet red on saturday, I'm sure this situation turned you into your favorite color, purple.  So when you go for the family  get together  in August (  3N mama already said see u August), the conversation will be priceless.

Mykeia said...

You are always sooooooo classy.  I love the B.B.C. series, never  fails and because of this I voted for you twice for  the weblog awards (work email and private).  
Classy and smooth.
It's good that his dad has a sense of humor.

Grace said...

WOW! How crazy is that?
Ummm - at least you made a good (lasting) first impression?

Angel Blanca said...

Two thumbs WAY up for intent, execution, and recovery!!!! I never had anything remotely similar happen, but when I do, I hope to handle it with your aplomb!!

blackprofessor said...

LMAO!!! I can't with you and daddy in law because this scene is hilarious.  Girl, you ooze class and that is how bougie is done!! 

Lady L said...

Priceless!  BTW, will you please reveal the pear martini recipe, por favor?

BlackButterfly said...

ROFL.  I am so glad I have stopped drinking anything while reading B&B!!!   You maintained your composure through that situation and I applaud you... the Dad... wow!

I have had an inopportune meeting or two;) Not with a parent but still mortifying.

CaliSlim said...

Just  came back into say that Lenny/Le Ninja/3N  is smooth as hell. I love his responses to all these situations...."she'll shake your hand in 10 minutes." Smooth....
 
From here on in I'm calling him...BILLY DEE NINJA!!! Pass the Colt 45!!!

Earthangel172 said...

Wow and Dayum...(Insert laughter here)

I would have been too shame to come out of the room but you're a good sport Chele. Way to pull off a first impression with the Dad. I'm sure that will be mentioned during the toast at the wedding.

:::runs out of this post:::

Man's World said...

The only way this works for me is if your car was out front and they came in the back. Otherwise, somebody is messy as hell. Daddy Ninja a little too happy to get his eye gaze on.

Man's World said...

She slid that key thing in there real smooth-like.

CaliGirlED said...

Billy Dee Ninja! I love it!!!....That was pretty smooth wasn't? LOL

MeetCharlieL said...

"Adult Quality Time" - I'm going to use that. And try not to laugh at the visual.

thinking that... said...

" say it with me now AWK - WARD"  aaaahhhahahahahahaha.... LMBO!  ...laughing with you not at you cause you handled this with mad class.....

MichelleG said...

What would have happened if you wasn't the one that his mother liked? I'm with the others - definitely toast worthy material!

CaliGirlED said...

AQT? Yeah Charlie that's a new term to keep!

GrownAzzMan said...

All together now: BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! Only you Chele. Thanx for the laugh.

GrownAzzMan said...

Yeah I caught the casual dropping  of "I used my key" too. Hmmm...

CaliSlim said...

You KNOW there is a bougie tale there. She's not giving up the goods either!

SPILL IT CHELE!!!

OneChele said...

No YouTube... ever. If you see me on YouTube something has gone terribly, terribly wrong.

OneChele said...

Oh Lawd...

OneChele said...

1 part pear vodka, 1 part pear brandy, 1 part vanilla rum, sprite or ginger ale (to taste) with a teaspoon of raw sugar. Add ice, blend or shake. Enjoy!

Pure Choco said...

3N could've told you Daddy was coming for a visit! Communication Fail!
HAHAHA!

David Chase said...

^ What he said.

Jason P said...

Totally using Adult Quality Time.
At least you were in bed alone.
I had the misfortune to be "reuniting" with a gf when her family decided to pay a visit. Unannounced. And they had a key. They saw more of me than any of us was comfortable with. You just can't recover from parents hearing you tell their baby to ride you like a cowgirl.
#TMI?
#SoNoBueno

OneChele said...

You win. 

Andrea M said...

iQuit! Not a cowgirl! OMG!!!

Andrea M said...

My question exactly!

Andrea M said...

A new bougie phrase - AQT!

Andrea M said...

Aw Daddy just getting a peek.

OneChele said...

Serious side-eye.

Andrea M said...

Love it!

Andrea M said...

*jots this down*

Andrea M said...

I couldn't have even handle this as well. I would have made a break for the door and never looked back.

Andrea M said...

Okay?! I re-read that twice. "Used my key and let myself in" - it's like that already?!
WE SEE YOU!

Andrea M said...

I think I need that 30 minute shrimp fajita recipe.

CaliGirlED said...

 Dammit Jason I damn near spit my juice out!!! *gone to meet my Maker* Will you at least send tulips to my grave site? They're my favorite! LOL

Page Bartlett said...

The bra, the shirmp, the father... it's a movie. Please tell me this scene is going into Love Jones II - The Black n Bougie Remix

Rob said...

I can do you one better, how about walking in on your future in-laws having a "special moment" in the kitchen? I will never eat there again. Ever. Ever-Ever.
*shudders*

FreeBlackMan said...

Terrible visual. Baby boomer bang-bang? No. Thank. You.

FreeBlackMan said...

Please tell me you didn't finish.

FreeBlackMan said...

That's what we call a "girl-catcher" drink. *cuts and pastes*

OneChele said...

Condolences to your eyes and tender sensibilities...

OneChele said...

Please don't answer. O___O

Paul on Ice said...

oh hell no

AppleBerryMIA said...

I thought we agreed never to speak of this!
The horror, the horror!
We. Lock. Doors. Now.

Bethany Showell said...

So done @ "Nice bra. Is it new?"  RRRRRRRRRRROFL!

BrendaKay said...

Jason ~ I need your email address, so that I can send you the repair bill for my lap top that suffered an unfortunate accident due to me spewing my tea all over the keyboard when I got to the "cowgirl" part. Thank you. :-)

BrendaKay said...

Chele ~ with all the storms that were hitting Dallas yesterday I was keeping you in prayers for a safe and uneventful arrival home from DC. I guess I should have expanded those prayers to include an uneventful day PERIOD. I will now get back on the floor to continue with my bout of hysterical, can't breath properly, laughter. :-) 

CaliGirlED said...

Eat there??? You still visit? LOL

OneChele said...

You and me both.

CaliGirlED said...

Walked in on my mom once. To.this.day. I will not admit to her that I saw anything. I just went and politely sat on the couch and told her I thought she was sleep. Once you move out you should come over ringing the door bell like everybody else! LOL

rozb said...

Amen to that. When I was a kid, I walked in with my friend on her parents on the couch at her house. There isn't anything that can wash that view from my head or how my friend couldn't close her mouth for what seemed like hours. We were only ten, and I can honestly say I never sat on that couch ever again. Yeah we backed out, and I don't think they saw us, but eating dinner over there afterward was awkward indeed. They are still together to this day - 45 years and counting. So Chele - you might be off to a good start!

rozb said...

 I just want to know...who had on the cowboy hat and boots?

OneChele said...

See how ya'll do? #outofpocket

Jubilance said...

OMG! I would be so embarassed!

GrownAzzMan said...

rozb sayin what e'reone else was thinking...

GammasWorld said...

You in timeout for that LOL 

GammasWorld said...

Okay I'll say it ... be glad you don't sleep in the nude.  That is all   

Hannington said...

Wow. Why can't I get a woman to strip to her underwear and do all that for me? 

Trey Charles said...

Let's face it, this is funny as hell. But I bet it would NOT have been funny if BougieMom walked in on 3N asleep half-naked in your bed... the double standard remains.

BB Waite said...

You are in a bad juju vibe this week. Stay home and out of trouble. LOL

datdudeincali said...

So I'm the only one who wants to know if the drawers matched?!

datdudeincali said...

Honey Molasses? The sequel to Brown Sugar?

datdudeincali said...

Dude...

datdudeincali said...

My man.

datdudeincali said...

We see you.

datdudeincali said...

#NowPlaying Smooth Operator

datdudeincali said...

Ma;am, you are having quite the week. We appreciate it.

CaliGirlED said...

I'm NEVER speaking to you again!!!

Joycelyn Curry said...

Can I get the black beans and rice with shrimp fajitas recipe?  I got nothing to add to the story that has not already been said. 

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Cause of death: extreme paroxysms of laughter, dehydration from tears shed while screaming hysterically (gasping for air isn't helping)!!  Last summer I told you that B'nB has to become a reality series - this. post. right. here would have KILLED at the upfronts!!  

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