Scenario - It's Tuesday night. It's not your anniversary, nothing special happened today, it's just the night of the day of the week sandwiched between a Monday and a Wednesday. You and the S.O. got up, went to work, came home, had chicken for dinner, watched TV and climbed into bed. Just another Tuesday night. Or is it?
I was sitting in on one of Dr. Jayme's group counseling sessions for long-term committed (over 3 years) and married couples. What do you think the one thing they ALL agreed upon as a lurking problem in their relationships? Complacency, boredom and taking each other for granted.
The men complained (a lot) that their women had tucked away the Vicki's only to be brought out on special occasions and the women complained (a lot) that the men didn't pay the same amount of attention to them as they did in the beginning of the relationship. There was also a lot of swirl about housework.
I remember one guy saying, "I finally told her I wasn't going to spend one more Tuesday night watching back to back NCIS. Enough was enough!" The wife said, "It was the only time we spent time together - in front of the TV. At least I knew he'd talk to me during the commercial break." Le Ouch!
Jayme calls it Moldy Marriage Syndrome. When a couple has let the relationship go so stale, it turns into something other than what it originally was.
Happens in short term relationships too. Everyone wants to get to the point in a relationship where you just sit on the sofa and chill but no one wants to get there too fast or sit there forever. The chase can't last forever. It's not always going to be excitement and fireworks. Relationships fall into a rhythm and apparently it's easy to just glide along and eventually take each other for granted. Moldy. One day it's not there, the next day there it is.
It's one thing to be consistent, a whole other to get lazy. Now let's be real for a second. Fellas, your lady isn't coming to bed smelling like a field of flowers and looking like a Victoria's Secret model every night. She's just not. Sometimes she's gonna wear the 10-year old t-shirt, head wrap and smell like Icy Hot. Lo siento mucho, papi - some nights it's Brazilian babe, some nights it's Beulah Mae. Deal with it.
Ladies, your man isn't going to hang on every word. They just aren't wired that way. It doesn't mean he's not listening. It just means that each and every word you speak isn't a precious pearl wrapped in platinum that he must treasure. Sure, he seemed to think so when you first got together but um... he's got you know. Let a brother listen to Sportscenter in peace.
The Impressions had a song back in the day, the lyrics went "Same thing it took, to get your baby hooked, gonna take the same thing, to keep her." Um-hmm. Sho nuff.
What's my point? Every once and a while, Ladies and Gents; you might wanna treat Tuesday night like New Year's Eve. Candlelight, special dinner, adult beverage, saran-wrap-and-chocolate-syrup fun time... you know what? You can figure it out.
BougieLand - who's feeling me on this one? Who has seen complacency creep into a relationship? Who has suggestions for how to shake it up? Keep it fresh? Thoughts, insights, comments? The floor is yours.