Thursday, April 21, 2011

Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 8 - The case of the alpha male/female


For the purposes of this post, let's use these definition:
Alpha male - The leader of the pack. Dominant male, the guy who seems most at ease in his own skin. Generally can essentially marry or date any woman of his choice. The alpha male is often good-looking, has a great build, and may have a relatively high socioeconomic status. Next on the hierarchy is beta, second in command considered an alpha in waiting. Then gamma, delta and omega. 
Le Ninja Nouveau (Lenny for short) and I are participating in a 30-day fitness challenge with Jayme C, her husband and four other folks. We each had a certain number of calories to stay under per day, a certain number of calories to burn per week, and a target heart rate to achieve and sustain during our workouts. Three days on, one day off, three days on for the workout schedule. We have guys vs. girls with the ladies picking the exercise one day and the gents picking the activity the next. More about that in a series I'm sending over to the Fresh Xpress. Suffice it to say, it's been eye-opening. Is it May yet? A sister is tired.

One day, we were all congregating at Chez Carter. They have an awesome workout/media room  that saves us from making complete fools of ourselves in public when we try something new. Let the record reflect that the workouts were going smoothly until Ms. Jayme decided that in lieu of working out one day, we should have fajitas and margaritas on her patio. To be fair, the record should also reflect that none of us put up too much of a fight to ditching the sweat and firing up the grill and the blender. 

Three hours later, Jayme decided to start some mess. She asked me and Ninja Nouveau if we had experienced our first fight yet. [Why, Jayme, why?] I said no, he said yes. 

Awkward pause.

I sent him a look. "When did we fight?"

He sent me one back. "Over the thing the other day?"

"That wasn't a fight, it was a spirited discussion."

"You raised your voice in disagreement, that's a fight."

"You said... and I quote, 'Fall back woman -I got this.' Hell yes, I disagreed."

He shrugged, "We worked it out."

I rolled my eyes and fell silent. Not sure we worked it out as much as we agreed to disagree on what were originally discussing and left it at that.

Jayme (who was a few margaritas in) laughed, "You two have an alpha problem."

I was confused. He's an Alpha. I didn't pledge. What was she talking about?

"Not Alpha Phi Alpha. But alpha alpha. As in he's an alpha male and you're an alpha female. It's always going to be a tussle to see who running in the lead position."

"I'm not an alpha female."

Everybody at the table laughed.... except me. "No I'm serious, I think I'm beta exuding some alpha-like qualities. From what I've read the alpha female is kind of a rigid condescending b*tch. And I'm sweet as pie."

Jayme choked on her drink, "The alpha female is b*tchy in such a way that others excuse it because she's charming so it just comes across as a strong opinion. Men want to be with her, women want to be her. She's a great gal pal unless there's an agenda she's not down with and then she's out. She's busy and not waiting around for a man to do what she can do herself. She pays her own way. She's confident, she's driven and takes no shiggity. Men have to work to get her and keep her. Sound familiar?"

Lenny says, "It does to me." He earned a side-eye.

"But..." I wanted to be clear, "I don't automatically assume the lead position. Especially not with an alpha male. I'm only alpha by circumstance or necessity. Otherwise, I'm totally chill in the beta position."

Jayme nodded, "Okay, I will say that you're not initimidating, you're very approachable and though you like to get your own way, you give in gracefully if you don't. And you've found a way to be confident without being a vain egomaniac. We'll call you alpha-beta."

Then Lenny tried to make an argument about not being the alpha male and his two friends shut him down and reminded him that he had nicknames in college "The Alpha's Alpha" and "Top Dog". Ni-ice. 

So this got me to thinking - do I only date alpha? Do I prefer alpha to beta or even omega males? Maybe (okay definitely) in the past, I've dated omega who only pretended to be alpha and then I was irked because I had to step out of my beta comfort zone. Hmmm. Food for thought. Can we fall back on the cliché: it takes a strong woman to be with a strong man? Or is it vice versa? Anyway...

Ladies - let's start with you, do you think you're an alpha female? Take the quiz to see.

                                   

Gents - Your quiz is over on my Tumblr page. Sorry, I couldn't fit it here so it would look pretty.

BougieLand (ladies and gents) - what say you? Where do you think you fall? Are you drawn more to alpha or beta significant others? How much do you think it matters in relationship dynamics? Thoughts on leading the pack? What's so wrong with hanging in the middle or bringing up the rear? Any insights, commentary, feedback?

120 comments:

Jubilance said...

My score landed me in the "Alpha - Why did you even take this quiz? You already knew" category. LOL, that's true, I did already know.

I've always been an alpha female, even when I was a little kid, and my parents (especially Daddy) cultivated that in me. Over the years my alpha-ness (is that a word?) has waxed and waned, because in our society women who are independent, take-charge types are called numerous names & I didn't want to be labelled that. I had to be comfy in who I was in order to really embrace my natural alpha qualities.

Even though I'm an alpha woman, I'm very drawn to alpha men, especially one who can get me to shift to more beta behavior. Beta & gamma men do nothing for me (no diss, just saying).

Nyasha Hayes said...

long time reader, first time poster.
My score was 130 and I laughed at the caption. I guess I've always known that I'm an Alpha subconsciously: I know what I want and I get it done on my time.

Brneyed1 said...

A score of 100 landed me on the high end of Beta. I was very likely Alpha at one point, but I've learned to lay back and relax....a little.

Kjamal9 said...

LOL-I scored 160, but in my heart I am an Omega who had to rise to the responsibilities of life. I like a man who is the head, but my Father who is so wrong for this - asked what kind head are you looking for? I am the baby in the family and again my heart says Omega. Interesting and funny article.

Leon X said...

Sorry Chele. You're an Alpha female and that's not a bad thing. I scored a 64. I can live with that. I like to play my position and strike when the iron's hot.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Hehehehe, I'm a beta! Not that I didn't know that already. I only seek out the lead role when it's something I'm really passionate about, or if the leader is screwing up big time. Oh, and I don't play well with alpha women who are petty, catty, or unduly smug or judgemental. So I definitely can say the quiz was accurate.

I dated two alpha males, and one relationship was disastrous (lots of wrestling for control) and one ended amicably without us damaging our friendship. I am very attracted to alpha men, but I have yet to date one that didn't try to demoralize/denigrate/abuse me in an effort to gain control. Current beau is definitely not an alpha or beta (although he thinks he is) and it is ... interesting. I don't like feeling like I HAVE to lead but we'll see what happens with this one.

I think the dynamic matter simply because you have to find a groove that works for you. I have no problem being with a man who's leading - as long as his vision is someplace that I want to go. He goes off course, he gets cut or I take over. (or the latter happens and then the former hehehe). You have to walk together, be on the same page, all that jazz. I work best, and am happiest, when I'm a helper (in a way that suits my strengths). I cannot be with an omega dude, and I cannot be with the wrong alpha.

blackprofessor said...

I landed on the high end of Beta (score of 120). I think I am lot like you Chele in that I will do what I have to do when I have to do it. I prefer an Alpha male because an Alpha male puts me in beta mode and I love being in beta mode.

I can't date Beta men because they put me in alpha mode, as I seem to encounter the pushovers who never want to take the lead. I think Alpha males know how to gracefully check and handle alpha women, which is very necessary for me. The beta men I have dated were never able to handle me or take the lead in the relationship, and that inevitably was a problem.

Think P. Smart said...

I was firmly in the Alpha space. I don't believe it though.

Lady4Real said...

I could copy and paste your whole comment, I'm totally the same way. Any male other than an Alpha male can't get any play from me. My hubby is an alpha and I am his beta, without him around I am alpha.

Mony_Mony said...

According to the quiz (and further research), I'm definitely an alpha. I don't really think of myself as an alpha because I tend to define alpa according to external factors (leader vs follower) as opposed to internal factors (drive, confidence, etc.) and I think of myself as more of an independent than a leader or a follower. I like to do my own thing and if people want to follow along, great, but if they don't I'm perfectly happy to do by myself or find someone else who wants to. However, a friend pointed out that more often than not they do follow along, so I guess I have both the external and internal characteristics.

I'm mostly attracted to men like me, the independent alpha. They tend to be outside of the (black, bougie) mainstream in some way and are generally easygoing but not pushovers. I love confidence but hate cockiness/arrogance. I like a man with quiet confidence, the one who seems like a beta until his friends realize that they're eating Ethiopian food and going to indie concerts because those are his interests. I'm mostly ok with letting him take the lead, but there's still some stuff that I have to work on...

Lady4Real said...

I scored a 150-"Alpha - Why did you even take this quiz? You already knew" category. I knew that would happen, I've been bossy since I was born but I'm not mean. I prefer to take charge but if someone else is more capable of leading I glady pass the baton to them. I've been married twice now, the first hubs was the complete opposite of an Alpha and my hubby now oozes Alpha. I love my hubby, he is alpha and with him I am beta and that is fine by me. It gets tiresome driving all the time so when you can turn the wheel over to someone who is a better driver it feels damn good.

Joycelyn Curry said...

I am definitely an alpha female but I tend to become beta when dating an Alpha male. I run a business so I actually don't mind someone else being in charge as long as I am heard and considered.

CaliSlim said...

*sigh* While I'd admit to being an Alpha female in my life, the fact that I believe in submission in dating and that I'm not an initiator (and think I yeild waaaay to much) made me think I was "softer" in my romantic relationships.

I had lunch with an ex recently who nearly spat out his drink when I told him I wasn't a ball buster. Apparently, I am. And apparently I'll need to find some non-threatened Poindexter dude to settle down with. Good thing I like Poindexters.

That quiz told me what apparently I already knew.

Dr. Peppa said...

Went over and took guy's quiz - scored alpha but I'm more of a coach than a quarterback.

aishao1122 said...

high end beta (but I knew that already) kinda surprised though Im an older sibling so you would think I'd be an alpha, til you meet my sisters, the little one (future lawyer) could make even the devil reconsider his position, and i have learned to just sail around that one to survive, my so's Alpha all the way, can't mess with men who can't take charge when it needs to be done, sorry, either step up or step off.

lol to him trying not to own his name "The Alpha's Alpha" nice

William Martin said...

I would've sworn I was beta. More Murtaugh than Riggs < name that reference.
I like confident women who can be by equal know their own minds but let a man be a man.
Why does this sound like a personal ad all of a sudden?

Reads4Pleasure said...

So you're all Mel Gibson with yours?

michaeldavis said...

Alpha Male (77). I usually take the lead on things but I try to get the other person involved. Not a gunner, but the leading scorer with 5 assists per game.

The women that want to do everything just b/c they think they're proving their independence...I'll take a pass on those.

I like Alpha women who know when to flex some ladymuscle and know when to let a brother lead. When I find myself stepping back to watch her work the room and handle the show and she kills it: that's how I identify an Alpha woman.

Mykeia said...

Love the chronicles!
I am a beta, but my guy is really, really alpha, I couldn't have it any other way at this point. His confidence and self-awareness are the most important things to me---I say that because if he ever lost his confidence we would be in a world of trouble.
I like my position in my relationship because I too feel valued for my assertiveness.
Great post---you came back even stronger this week like you said!

MidWestDominicana said...

Beta...definitely agree with that.

Jazzy Jazz said...

The quiz isnt really working for me - but I can just tell you that Im a (baby) alpha female. I am the only child in the family - so that OCS translates into work hard so you can afford to live the way you want. But I also believe in submission to my future husband. So I will alpha-beta female to alpha male. I had a friend who wasnt even a beta male- and I couldnt figure out how to explain how I felt about him. I didnt like the feeling that I could push him over -and we always taking the bus .

Reads4Pleasure said...

I'm alpha with a disclaimer. I'd very much like to be an omega or even a beta if someone else was willing to step up and do what needs to be done. If they won't, then I will. But God knows it can get tiresome.

Bethany Showell said...

Beta (100). Not surprising - I think my score rises the older (crankier) I get. Thinking back on the dudes I've dated - not one was equal to me. They were all Omega and I couldn't stand them for it, eventually. Hmmm...

William Martin said...

If Mel wasn't white, Australian, crazy, racist and chemically dependent - sure :)

maureen palmer said...

I'm Omega, knew that going in. Chele, (typing this as I inch towards POTUS detail) the first few blogs I read on your site I knew u were Alpha (as described by Jamie). This might be cheesy but something about u(things I have picked thro' your writing) mirrors the other Chele occupying 1900 Penn. Avenue.
Here in D.C we had/have 3 Cheles'(FLOTUS, Mayor Fenty's wife and former D.C Principal,Michelle Rhee) that are definitely Alpha.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Total tangent, but reading the word submission in the comments gets me heated. Like 0 to 60 in 0.02 seconds. Maybe I'm more of an alpha than I thought lol. (Or maybe I'm just jaded from intraracial sexism, the patriarchy, the black church, and kneegrows who want a woman to submit but aren't worth making that kind of sacrifice)

MelaninEnriched said...

I'm a beta, with strong alpha-like tendencies. I am the primogeniture (I just felt like using that word; it's a great word) and I tend to be a little of both I think. My potential SO is an Alpha all the way and I prefer that in a man. I like a man to take charge and make good decisions. I've made enough decisions in my life so far that I'd like to fall back and be the co-pilot right now. I'm more attracted to Alpha males and I think in a relationship, you can't have two people with those strong traits if the relationship is going to be peaceful and low-drama. Someone is going to have to fall back to a beta, a bit, IMO.

GrownAzzMan said...

First of all, has anyone seen this woman? "The alpha female is b*tchy in such a way that others excuse it because she's charming so it just comes across as a strong opinion. Men want to be with her, women want to be her. She's a great gal pal unless there's an agenda she's not down with and then she's out. She's busy and not waiting around for a man to do what she can do herself. She pays her own way. She's confident, she's driven and takes no shiggity. Men have to work to get her and keep her. Sound familiar?"

Great post Chele. I am on my way to take the quiz but I already know...

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

hm...51, makes me a 'beta'...ehh, sounds about right...i'm not an alpha, but i am a leader, i'm just not a tyrant. but, it seems that women are more comfortable around the alpha types, so it is what it is.
*patiently waits for the "but i'm the exception" responses....lol*

rozb said...

I was an Alpha female by circumstance and became a Beta female by choice. It seems the ability to compromise and relinquish some of the decision-making in a household is a highly sought-after quality. But seriously - after having to be the planner and decision-maker for so long, it is nice to be able to say "However you want to handle this is fine by me!" and mean it.

My fiance is an Alpha male. This is a good thing for me, and surprises the heck out of those folks that knew me when I would scorch the Earth to get stuff done my way!

rozb said...

Ha!

Rob said...

I'm beta - who I gotta kill to take the top spot? Naw, I'm cool with it. Can't wait for Amy to take the girl quiz.

GrownAzzMan said...

All I got to say is the test was rigged...

Javalicious said...

I'm right on the Beta/Omega line. That actually makes SOOOO much sense to me. I'd love Jayme to do an analysis on what has the best success rates alpha male/beta female - omega male/alpha female. I find the whole thing fascinating!

GrownAzzMan said...

Too easy, you are not old enough to be Murtaugh...

GrownAzzMan said...

This all day ----> "I like Alpha women who know when to flex some ladymuscle and know when to let a brother lead. When I find myself stepping back to watch her work the room and handle the show and she kills it: that's how I identify an Alpha woman. "

Angel Blanca said...

As usual, I had caveats for all the quiz questions. Like, are you hunter or rabbit? I set up scenarios so that I can be rabbit, but doesn't that make me hunter to some degree? Also, I don't have my name on our family's home, but pay all the bills, taxes, insurance, etc., so none of the answers were quite right.

Overall, I think the beta designation is on target, but I have strong alpha streaks, too.

Great convo/post, Chele!

BB Waite said...

First of all, the Waites like fajitas and margaritas, where was the invite? LOL!
It's funny, we had a women's studies seminar where we figured out that women can switch based on necessity. Men tend to just be what they are. Whereas women become less or more alpha depending on situation and people around them. I think both Mr. Waite and I are kinda beta but I'll take the quiz to see.

Lady4Real said...

Submission is easy when the one you are submitting to doesn't make it seem, look or feel that way. People submit all the time, we submit to bosses, parents, friends, and loved ones but if we call it submission it just sounds bad. I love knowing that I can be and am submissive, I see it as a form of respect, I submit to my husband, my kids submit to me, but if you are not worthy of ruling then I'm not following your rules.Worthiness is the key, if you are worthy I will follow you to ends of the earth and back, if not, shut ya mouth and keep it moving.

Lady4Real said...

A pushover is something I think everyone should experience once in her life, it helps to define you as a person and shows you what you really want out of life. Some people love to control other people and so meeting a pushover may be exactly what they need, some people hate having total control over others. I had a pushover once, totally disgusted me, I guess I am old fashioned and believes that a man should be strong, competent, and in control.

Lady4Real said...

it's the coach that calls the shots though, quaterback is just doing as he is told, unless he has to call an audible, but for the most part he does as the coach tells him. In my eyes the coach is the Alpha, see it totally fits you. You are just a humble alpha

Lady4Real said...

Bougieland seems to be filled with a lot of Alpha's and Beta's. Makes since to me though, to be bougie you have to be insightful, willing to thrive, understanding of leadership and able to lead. The people who read this blog and make comments all strike me as leaders or people capable of leading. I love it here in bougieland, I learn and grow so much when reading Chele, and the comments of her followers. Pushovers write in and we here in Bougieland with our Alpha and Beta selves tend to help them so much. I just wanted to share this insight and say I really do appreciate you BougieCuz and all of the Bougie faithful.

Jazzy Jazz said...

Right!

MissLady2 said...

I don't have to take the quiz to know I'm definitely Alpha female.

I like Jayme's breakdown. She's on point.

taut_7 said...

according to your quiz i'm definitely an alpha male. *shrug* i already knew this though. i scored an 86.

OneChele said...

One doesn't necessarily preclude the other ;-)

thinklikeRiley said...

High beta - whoddathunk?!

OneChele said...

Beta's just an alpha in waiting.

JaymeC said...

BB, if you would ever answer your cell phone? That "envelope looking sign" in the top right corner means you have voice messages. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, yes - there are books and books about evolution of "pack" mentality. An omega man when placed in certain situations can become alpha. Alpha males have adjustment issues when forcibly moved to the back of the pack. Similarly, some females that have been in the alpha role find it hard to fall back to beta, etc. But most studies show that females adapt to their changed role with more fluidity than men.

JaymeC said...

I could gave you studies in nature but in humans the results are all over the place. Societal evolution and shifting gender roles have made it possible for all combinations to be successful. You have to bring chemistry and commitment into the mix.

JaymeC said...

Just as a quick & dirty crash course, I use the examples from the 90s sitcom Living Single. Max and Kyle - alpha/alpha. Khadijah/Scooter - beta/beta who both had the ability to step up to the alpha role when apart. Synclaire/Overton - omega/omega. Regime was beta in alpha clothing. When she finally found her alpha, she fell back to beta.

OneChele said...

This is a brilliant breakdown! Thanks, Jayme!

David Chase said...

I think the quiz was rigged. 87?! C'mon now.

OneChele said...

No reason why an alpha female can meet an alpha female secure enough to handle her.

Grace said...

125 - right on the beta/alpha line. WOW! I would have thought I was more omega. I don't have a problem fading into the background

Grace said...

Dang, are you just walking in rooms punching folks squarely in the mouth?! uberAlpha

Mr. Skyywalker said...

You quiz had both me and Mrs Skyy as omega. We don't believe you.

Natasha Smith said...

Alpha here, but I knew that.

Dating can be difficult as an alpha female. Your options are:
a - date a beta or omega man. This didn't work for me. I didn't respect them.
b - date an alpha man and have a constant power struggle. This also didn't work. I seemed constantly annoyed.
c - date an alpha man and let your inner beta female out. This is what I'm going for now. I'm my normal alpha self in all other areas of my life, but with the bf I'm letting him 'be the man.'

It's taken age and maturity for me to realize that stepping into the beta role doesn't diminish me as a woman.

JP Stunner said...

80 - I knew I wasn't an Alpha... surprise I was Beta but I guess I can believe my friends now. I guess I AM stubborn when I want to be. I just thought I would be omega cause I'm not comfortable being in the spotlight or making the decisions. Being a perfectionist I want to make the BEST/PERFECT choice & going into comatose mode cause I'm afraid of making a bad choice.

JazzaBelle said...

My results stated I'm a beta female and it sounds about right. I like alpha males and when I'm not with an alpha male I find myself displaying alpha tendencies. Me and men who are not alpha men typically don't work out to well. I'm that woman who will push all of your buttons until you make me stop in an effort to make a man step up to the plate. However, you're just not going to boss me around either if that makes sense...

AppleBerryMIA said...

Beta. Hm...

AppleBerryMIA said...

I'm beta too. So coin flip for supremacy?

Brneyed1 said...

Being worthy IS the key...yeeess it is.

All Honey said...

I'm Beta on the low end. Maybe I need to kick a little more azz.

JohnKinPDX said...

Beta - Funny, on my performance review they said I showed leadership potential but wasn't "pushing to lead the pack" - guess it's unanimous.

Angel Blanca said...

That sounds a lot like me, too, and I'm beta...It's also fairly consistent with my MBTI results, INXX; I'm flexible depending upon when you catch me, and comfortable in most situations...or I can at least act supremely comfortable ;-)

MissLady2 said...

I took the quiz for fun. And like I predicted, I'm Alpha. I scored 130.

SingLikeSassy said...

Alpha. I have been told I can be a dude in how I handle money and business. I don't like Beta or Omega men though, I like super Alpha dudes. HANDLE ME! Make me know that I don't run nuttin' but my mouth. Have a strong back cause I got a big thigh. Oh wait. LOL!

Queen of Me said...

I like this. Just had my current New Dude take the man's test. Eye-opening.

SingLikeSassy said...

So and the Alpha chick I am, I am paying for ISH that aint got my name on it. Damn that.

Trey Charles said...

Hmm, #TeamThickSnack and got her money right? *follows on Twitter*

Trey Charles said...

You already knew, son!

Trey Charles said...

76 over at the man quiz. What's with the segregation of the quizzes? It's alpha but only a point above beta. So, what does it mean? I'm Robin to David's Batman? Cause I'd rather be Alfred.

rozb said...

I was a happy high Alpha prior to meeting my S.O. I am now a happy high Beta. No matter where you sit on the scale you must make sure you are happy being there.

OneChele said...

Just had a couple share that they swapped quizzes. When the guy took the girl quiz, he got a different rating. Girl took the guy quiz and stayed the same. I swear we could do a whole sociological experiment from this.

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

First this is a GREAT post!!! I'm definitely an alpha female and tend to date alpha males. I blame it on my father. However, some of my previous S/O's have been omegas cloaked in alpha outfits and it took me while to sniff them out.

Over the past years though I have learned how to become more beta but I have no qualms of being alpha when the need arises.

Jade Star said...

I'm a high end Beta. I figured as much. I don't really like having to step up and take charge unless I'm forced to do so. I'm the type I work better as a second in command (because I think they can get away with doing more without all the focus of the alpha)

Like just recently. Since my mother passed, I've taken on all my fathers affairs as far as bill paying and such. He wasn't able to pay his house note since she got sick , so I started a modification. The redo was just approved the day before and he got foreclosure papers the NEXT DAY. He's panicking, not understanding what's going on, I step up and tell the paper guy what I've done and he gave me the packet and left.

My father was relieved to learn that he wouldn't be losing his house because I started working behind the scenes months ago.

Man's World said...

That is interesting!

Chance said...

My score was 90 - I'm a beta, which was suspected. I am attracted to Alpha males and maybe some beta ones....but the omegas? Naw, can't even do it. There's a guy that works in my office that people swear would be a good match for me, but he has omega written all over him, which is a total turnoff. Oddly enough though, he seems to feel that he is an alpha. Go figure.

Leon X said...

That's a problem with a lot of people. Too busy saying they're something instead of being it.

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! Right!

CaliGirlED said...

Drops a twenty in the offering plate. "That was a good word!"

CaliGirlED said...

I'm totally agree. I'm a Beta playing the Alpha role, waiting to be able to relinquish some things over to an Alpha male (who has my best interest at heart). Like Readsforpleasure, "I'm tired"!

CaliGirlED said...

Cute picture!

CaliGirlED said...

Holla if you here me!!!

BrendaKay said...

Mature Bougie here already knew that she was an Alpha, but getting 150 kind of tops it out. I guess I need to dial some of that back a bit, huh? :-)

CaliGirlED said...

WHAT?!! I demand a recount! LOL

SassyJJ said...

I Love Living Single! Perfect analogy!

CaliGirlED said...

I guess that's why they call you doctor! Great breakdown!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Holla if you hear me!!! (That's the second time I've said this to you today. LOL)

CaliGirlED said...

Go for it Chele!

BrendaKay said...

Amen Sassy! :-)

CaliGirlED said...

I'm a Beta female, playing the Alpha role, waiting for my Alpha male. (Come quick, I'm tired!)...I don't do well with Omega men, they turn me off. And Gammas and Deltas are too much work, not really knowing who they are. (Mama's Boys are usually Gammas or Deltas walking around with Alpha clothes on). I can handle a Beta, but he's gotta be a strong one. Like Sassy said below, I need a man that can handle me. But he has to know how to do it as not to bring my Alpha out with boxing gloves on.

Cha Keziah said...

150 - clearly in the "why did you even take this mess" category. Hmmm...I'm not surprised, but I am. I'm always denying my alphaness, but others roll their eyes and guys seem to take it as a challenge. It's makes sense, though I don't know if I'm alpha by nature or nurture lol.

In relationships, I get frustrated by those below beta level. Friends, dates, wahtevver, please don't attempt to spend (super)quality time with me and be doing nothing with your life or be indecisive, etc. And alpha men? Yes. Sir. Yes.

mojitochica said...

That shiggity gets on my nerves. Perhaps I don't want to "lead the pack!" I've got better things to do!

Bunni said...

AMEN!

Penny said...

Late to the party-could not get the quiz to work properly at work. I am a Beta, but like leadership, I am going to say that I am a situational Beta. I will move out of my lane if required. If you got it, I'm okay-you don't need to tell me-I will know by your actions. (Lesson learned.)

Why the question about the house and the car? How long is one supposed to live in their childhood bedroom? (The female equivalent of Pookie in Big Mama's basement.)

OneChele said...

Jayme and her head-shrinking friends gave me the questions based on studies showing the characteristics of alpha males and females. Alphas tend to want their own space.

Pure Choco said...

Cool topic! I scored mid-beta. I don't mind a delta, gamma, omega man as long as they do right by me. Where's the quiz for that?

Pure Choco said...

BTW, don't think we didn't notice that you and Lenny have moved into official coupledom...

OneChele said...

If there was a proof positive test for that, I'd have patented it and started publicly trading the stock ;-)

rikyrah said...

I'm a beta, but don't really like alpha men. I'd rather a high -end beta. Alpha men bring out the worst in me, thinking they should be in charge of everything. I become pretty defensive with them, fighting for my own space.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

According to your quiz, I am a Beta with 100 pts. 25 more, and I'd be a full on Alpha. :D

In response to one of your question: yes, folks keep coming to me for help and advice. Even back in my nursery school days (I kid you not). I wonder what about me says 'Help Desk and Charity'?

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Well, my Beta self really wants her own studio/living space, but with the job prospects and housing costs being what they are, I'm going to be Pookette in Mama's basement for much longer than I want. *sniffle*

Yofabulous said...

I would have sworn I was a Beta... 140 says otherwise.

rozb said...

If it makes you feel any better - you are smarter being a Pookette and having ambitions and concrete plans to move out rather than jumping out there broke all the time eating ramen noodles and trying to learn 8500 ways to make a bag of potatoes and a dozen eggs stretch while you carpool because you can't afford gas. Use the safety net while you got it, save your money, and when you are ready you will be better off for it. Trust me on this one, as somebody who can stretch a week's worth of groceries to two and a half.

michaeldavis said...

TEACH!

michaeldavis said...

"the blues in her left thigh... "

Jeannette said...

150 points... i'm an Alpha female and Leo... double whammy. I've always said I need an Alpha male, i'm quite sure of that.. they are few and far between though.

Jeannette said...

Hey twin... LOL... i cosigned everything you wrote.. I'm 150 as well.. i can't stand being around wishy washy, mealy mouth women and men.

AndreaPlaid said...

Ha! I'm an Alpha! (I should've guessed with a Taurus sun + Leo moon + Scorpio rising, but hey...) Ya know, I've tried to downplay that side of me to seem "feminine" (which can be translated into "beta-ness") and, therefore, "acceptable," but forget it now. I'ma own it and keep stepping with my bad self. Thanks, Chele, for this gift of self-knowledge. It's one of the best birthday presents I've received!

Cherelle D. Mattox said...

Yea, join the club on being an Alpha female and a Leo. Makes for interesting relationships.

C Nelson said...

130. But then, Capricorn with a Scorpio moon was never going to be anything less than stubborn, opinionated, and, erm, outspoken. ;) Less on the being in charge/trendsetting -- I'd much rather be walking by my wild lone than trailing other people's grown babies behind me, and if it looks good on me, like any true Capricorn woman, I couldn't care less whether it's fashionable or not -- but really strong on the "if you can't keep up, I don't need you."

Natasha Hunter said...

Oh how I missed my Bougieland! I just moved into my new house (Hooray!), so no internet connectivity until yesterday, and Uncle Sam shut it down @ the JO. I was (reluctantly) very productive this week tho'...hmmm. :)

Oh and 150, Alpha all day. I can work with an Alpha or Beta Male if the Beta male is an Alpha about his own biz. A lot of women want the Alpha and I tend to be a little more stategic when it comes to dating, so I might put my energy into supporting the Beta so he can appear to be Alpha, but we know the real deal. LOL... Sneaky...Did I mention I was a Scorpio? ;)

CorettaJG said...

I'm late to the convo but as expected I'm a high Alpha. Sassy took the words out of my mouth on how I feel about my Alpha dudes though. I need a man that can handle all this and I'm happy (mostly) to watch him work. Lol!

Stank_0 said...

I know what my sign would say (Capricorn) but I don't feel like I'm an alpha male. I only step in on things I care strongly about otherwise I go with the flow.

Ok upon a second run through maybe I have alpha tendencies.

DJ Reggie Beas said...

Whoa. This explains a helluva lot on why I have so much trouble in my dating life. I am an omega inside with an alpha outside, so I confuse the alpha females that I attract. By appearances I'm alpha… 6'5" 270 lbs., high profile careers that put me in front of an audience (former radio program director and on-air personality, current nightclub performance DJ and promoter), able to articulate my opinions in a way that shuts other people down, very driven and passionate in pursuit of my dreams. But I open my mouth and omega flies out… "nice" fun-loving guy, light voice, laid back, non-controlling, wants to put my woman on a pedestal. I hold myself to a very high, exacting standard, but I don't feel the need to steer my woman's life along with mine. I expect you to be a GAL (grown a$$ lady) and step 50/50 alongside me. Turns out the gentleman my mother, aunts and grandmother raised to solicit a woman's input and cater to her is exactly the type of man women love to hate. My inner thug never comes out because I can talk my way out of any situation and I have the ability to make everyone from the hood figga to Tom's uncle feel comfortable around me. I'm fine with who I am, but I'm not fine with being single, so I guess the question is how can I become more alpha without being phony?

Nadette said...

So I'm an alpha female. Why am I surprised at this, and why does this make me uneasy? le sigh...

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