Thursday, April 28, 2011

Ask a Bougie Chick: "I want it all"


Continuing Ask a Bougie Chick week... today we have a 29 year old African-American gent from San Diego who calls himself Mr. Jack. I'm going to have you read this without pre-commentary. Let's take a look, shall we?
Chele,
What had happened was... no really. Let me be straight. I want that dime, 5-star, throw away the mold woman. Looks great, has her own career and ambitions, a little freaky-deaky, sweet natured, old fashioned values, spiritual, lets a man be a man, takes care of the home. I know it's everything and I've heard from so many people "You want Superwoman, you're not going to find all of that in one woman. You're going to have to compromise" - I don't think so. 
Not to pat myself on the back but I'm a good man. A catch if you will. Educated, employed, tall, straight, attractive and monogamous once I'm in a relationship. Good family background and values. Ready to settle down. Here's what's up. 
I was with this woman for almost two years. She was a good candidate for Mrs. Jack. Seriously gorgeous, professional, classy, paid, smart, everyone loved her, lady in the living room, beast in the bedroom and really loved me. Two things though, she couldn't (or wouldn't) cook and she did not know how to play her position. She challenged me on everything. In the beginning, it was cool like we could debate things from different perspectives but I started to wonder if she was just unable to let me say something and have it stand on its own.
She felt like she had to have an opinion on everything. Even when she agreed with me, it's a whole lot of back and forth. Sometimes, I'd just prefer a woman to just be quiet about it and keep it moving. When I called her on it she said maybe I just needed a different kind of woman that I could "mold and teach" to do and say what I wanted when I wanted. 
It was that kind of attitude right there that left me wondering "Is there someone better out there?"
When I broke up with her, everybody (fam, boys, female friends, church folks) told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Said she was the best thing that ever happened to me and kept me honest. I disagree. I don't think I'm asking for too much based on what I'm bringing to the table. I'm sure you and BougieLand have some thoughts. 
~Mr. Jack
What's the question? Can you have it all? Should you not have broken up with her? Let me see, you had a woman that was "Seriously gorgeous, professional, classy, paid, smart, everyone loved her, lady in the living room, beast in the bedroom and really loved me"... I don't know. Seems like you were at 98% and you tossed it away to search for the other 2. I need more back story on the debating and back-n-forthin'. I mean if she was just a shrew, okay. No one wants that. But if she was just chiming in with her thoughts???

Here's the problem. You want a professional woman that handles her own, has men drooling after her etcetera etcetera but you don't want her to disagree or challenge you? You do understand that to be a rock star at work she is required to have opinions and articulate them. You want her to turn that off when she gets home? Okay then. 

What do I know? Maybe the next woman will be 105%, You certainly shouldn't be with a woman if you think you're settling. Trust me if she's all you say she is, there's a man out there who is dying to have her. I think you're missing the forest for the trees but that's just my opinion... and the consensus of everybody you know. [side-eye]

It's interesting because I was discussing this with a group of men and women. Someone said women settle (for less than that 100% guy), men don't. That triggered a heated discussion. BougieLand, what do you think? Are people still looking for perfection? Do women give up on finding it before men do? Anything to say to Mr. Jack? Fellas, please weigh in today. I'm dying to know if Jack is alone in his principles. Thoughts, comments, insights?

259 comments:

1 – 200 of 259   Newer›   Newest»
Sarah said...

All I will say is that life has a way of teaching humility to even the most stubborn.

soldier said...

please excuse me Ms 'Chele.
bwaahaaahaaa haaa lol. I can't stop laughing.

She had all that but couldn't cook and wouldn't constantly defer to a fragile ego.
Dude. You are right, this woman was not for you.
She was also quite right, you should find someone you can mould and dominate to soothe your ego.
Happiness all around.

Nicole said...

*pulls up a chair and gets bowl of popcorn to view further BougieLand commentary on this combination of bullshiggity and rachetassness*

CorettaJG said...

Jack from San Diego?? Is Chele sure this isn't my ex-husband Gary from DC??

2-3 years from now when he looks around and determines that he can't find anyone to match up to the woman he let go, he'll be eating humble pie calling his ex-girlfriend talking 'bout how they probably could have worked it out. This I know.

Diggame said...

If you become a slave to some form of a template than you will become a slave to the woes of that template never being complete

CorettaJG said...

OKAY? Should be good today.

Harping shrew is one thing. But being "argumentative" (a word I heard) because you're a lawyer (ding, ding, ding) who regularly asks questions, clarifies, follows-up, challenges an unsupported premise.... Whatever dude.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Chuuurch.

blackprofessor said...

Dude, get over yourself! You sound like a decent guy who is doing what he is SUPPOSED to be doing, ala educated, employed, monogamous etc. You don't get any credit for the basics. Be honest as it sounds like what you really want is an ego stroker and if so, put that at the top of the list and get a woman who will stroke your ego. Recognize that if that is the major criteria, you will lose out on the other stuff you deemed important. Otherwise, check your ego and try to get that woman back as it sounds like she had all the major stuff you want in a woman. If someone has 98%, are you really going to quibble on 2%?? I wouldn't as 98% is pretty dam good in my book.

Chele, you are trying out book plots on us. These can't be real letters in 2011, LOL!!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I agree that women usually settle for less than "100%", but like a character said on how I met your mother, sometimes less than a 10 makes a perfect match. If women held to the quest for the unattainable as long as men did, there'd be a lot less men with good women by their sides #ijs

But jack here needs to get real. Yes he could find someone with what his ex, I'll call her Cami, didn't have. It won't be easy, quick, and she will likely already be cuffed up, or come with something he doesn't want to deal with (like a divorce on her belt or previous children). Or, and this is more likely, she'll catch a whiff of his stank entitled attitude & decide to pass on him.

And what's up w/ dudes wanting a chick that's paid AND is Suzy homemaker? I can throw down in the kitchen - I just don't have time cuz I work 60 + per week.

Think P. Smart said...

If having someone who shuts up trumps all those other things, I suggest dude get a girl right out of college or graduate school, from a sketchy background--possibly a former stripper. I'm not being funny or sarcastic at all. If he gets a woman like this, she will be in awe of him. He'll always know more than her. And for the most part, so long as he keeps her out of the world (keep her at home and work), then she won't ever challenge a thing he says. She'll need him too much and see him as her ticket into a better lifestyle. He can't take her around men who have more than him though because she will see them as an opportunity to do better than him. I have seen this work out for men time and time again.

CaliSlim said...

Uh...well, I think the mail order brides business is still in existance. Try there.

But honestly, I know of several women (happily married) who can probably fit into that category (I can't attest to their bedroom skills however, sorry). But what will probably hold you back is your "entitlement" attitude. I do know their husbands are just as humbled as their wives.

*exiting stage left*

blackprofessor said...

Nice! Please know that I am "borrowing" this!!

CaliSlim said...

I, too, was thinking "these letters CAN'T be real"

Give us free. LOL

soldier said...

Mr Jack says:
Educated, employed, tall, straight, attractive and monogamous once I'm in a relationship. Good family background and values. Ready to settle down.

Good. You are officially an average man. There's is nothing in your list that qualifies you as extra-ordinary. I think you are batting above your average.
Now, that ou've let her go, she might also realise that being with you was settling for far less than she deserved.

CaliGirlED said...

"I was with this woman for almost two years. She was a good candidate for Mrs. Jack. Seriously gorgeous, professional, classy, paid, smart, everyone loved her, lady in the living room, beast in the bedroom and really loved me."....There was no time to cook! Hell after she did all this shit in one day, it was time to go to bed and get ready to do it all again the next day! GTFOH and get over yourself!!!

*kicks over trash can, walks out the door, slams it behind me, fussing at someone who's not there*

Bethany Showell said...

I'm just gonna sit back and read the comments. And this is for real? Like an actual person? In 2011? I sincerely hope he gets everything he THINKS he wants. He deserves it. Definitely want to hear BnB dudes weigh in on this.

Qalil said...

Ladies, I got it!!!

This is your typical wolf-in-sheep-clothing insecure man!

1. Cook for him (servitude)
2. Give him sex (unindentured sex slave)
3. Don't talk back (shut the **** up woman)
4. Look good (dime piece)
5. Educated/own job (not my money biaotch!)
6. I'm tall, straight, handsome blah and blah (I ain't in jail y'all PRAISE ME!)

getting the picture?

Bethany Showell said...

http://youtu.be/RXfLEoCMO3c

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I'm tall, straight, handsome blah blah (i ain't in jail y'all PRAISE ME!)

LOL, you own me a keyboard! Or at least the compressed air spray can and some paper towels.

SingLikeSassy said...

Jack: Can you cook? I'm just wondering. Marriage is a partnership. You ideally find someone who has strengths in areas where you are weak so that the WHOLE will be stronger. So, she couldn't (or wouldn't) cook. You couldn't rattle a pan in the kitchen to fill that gap?

But, it's OK if you broke up with her cause ultimately she was not for the "you" you are now. I'm even going to go out on a limb and say that I don't think you are ready for marriage. I do think, however, that after a few more life lessons you will regret throwing away this relationship.

Good luck.

CaliGirlED said...

Sidebar: Chele, what is this "Crush"? Am I on the late freight? And WHY on God's green earth do yall have that man on the cover with his shirt open like that?!! Having serious flash backs! Folks make it hard for a sistah to try to live right!!! LOL

Think P. Smart said...

Poor dude wants to be the star of the relationship. He's young. Let him learn the hard way that much like he believes he's the most sought after gent, any woman he wants will be sought after as well. So he's going to have to do some work to get her and keep her. Right now, all he can think is that women have to work to get and keep him. It goes both ways young man...

Think P. Smart said...

Maybe if he made more money so she wouldn't have to work, she'd have time to cook!?

Trudy said...

Whelp, no need for me to comment. You took care of it.

He is a typical patriarch that wants to be rewarded for what everyone else does normally. He will never find the woman he wants with this attitude. Men like him are really comical to me. Why? Because even when they find that submissive woman who still looks good in person and on paper, they are still miserable. Why? Because the typical patriarch does not want a woman who submits, but one who normally doesn't so that he can break her and really feel like a "man." I've watched this script unfold so many times that it almost seems robotic. Men like this are looking for a woman to break then take orders, not one who already will. The most submissive women I know on Earth are single (and not by choice, as by choice it is perfectly fine) more often than the ones like he cannot stand. Why? Because again, men like him chase them down looking for someone to break. It's sad and funny, and sad.

The fact that he mentioned "straight" also disgusts me as your sexual orientation DOES NOT make you a "catch." A gay man wouldn't have put "gay" as one of the qualities that makes him a catch to another man.

Pretty Primadonna said...

There is always some new product that is bigger, faster, better, etc., available for consumption and people seem compelled to upgrade whenever possible. In like fashion, I find a lot of guys my age (30-somethings) are constantly looking to the next best thing and thinking they'll easily and quickly find something better than what they've got in front of them.

As to Mr. Jack, if a woman who will "just be quiet and keep it moving" is of utmost importance to him, who am I to judge? Only he knows what he wants and can live with. But, he took a huge gamble by letting this seemingly good woman go. Finding someone you love and who loves you, that meets and exceeds basically all your standards, and who is "the best thing that ever happened to you" is rare. Very. Rare. Perhaps once Mr. Jack is older, he will learn to value and appreciate that more than he currently does.

Angel Blanca said...

Foolish, foolish Jack. Your focus on the external keeps you from doing the serious internal work necessary to be truly honest about your insecurities. You cover them with bravado and an inflated sense of accomplishment for achieving the very MINIMUM for someone your age and background.

I would, politely of course, encourage you to sit down and engage in some serious self-reflection. You seem to value appearances over substance, and then fade out when you find the latter. So, yeah, take a seat and try again when you grow up. *hangs sign* (Must be at least THIS mature to ride)

rozb said...

These are the same guys that want a sycophant for a mate, and then gets so bored, he seeks out a woman that makes him wear diapers and spanks him. Every woman he meets is going to be missing at least one of the items from his list of must-haves, and at some point he is going to need someone who thinks for themselves. He wants a Stepford Wife.

He wants a no-holds barred, perpetual, smart, shiny, successful, gorgeous, international supermodel with giant brains that hurries home from her high-pressure job, changes out of her tailored suit, puts on her "skripper" outfit with the clear heels, throws a marinated pot roast in the oven while the greens cook on the stove, and stands by the door until he comes home - with his favorite drink in her hand. Then she can ask him about his day, become a co-signing bobblehead and agree with everything while the pole comes down from the ceiling and she dances for him. And...before they retire to the bedroom for acrobatic Cirque du Soleil-worthy sex, she gets on her knees, cracks open the Bible to one of her tabbed scriptures, and thanks God for this awesome, glowing, handsome man standing before her.

No - not impossible to find at all. Ninja, please. :/

rozb said...

"Must be at least THIS mature to ride" I will be using this. Possibly on a t-shirt.

Earthangel172 said...

Ugh...Here's what bothered me the most:

"I'm a good man."

Does a "good" man really have to say he is a good man? What happened to actions speak louder than words? You're a good man based on whose standards? Having a good job, being educated and attractive does not make you a "good" man so let's dispel that myth now.

"I'm monogamous once I'm in a relationship."

Umm....so....what's your point? Again actions speak louder than words.

WTH is wrong with having an opinion? I'm so sick of hearing that lame arse excuse from men. Is it possible that she has studied and can converse about various topics?

Le Sigh!

rozb said...

With the mail-order bride, he may get someone who will always love him long time.

Jazzy Jazz said...

Sir. GO SIT DOWN. Fyi you didnt have to include your perception of yourself- it made you sound egotistic. Your problem is that you want her to submit to your "all knowing , all powerful hand". You are not God - you dont know everything. She is not your wife - she doesnt have to let you have the final word.

SingLikeSassy said...

Yeah, I'm looking over there, too. *prays to jeebus to help keep me chaste while i work out my residual divorce baggage*

Wanyanak said...

This truly made me LMAO loud in my office! Thanks for the laugh!

CorettaJG said...

I ordered the book from Amazon. The White Mocha story is smoking hot. (Chele- I could use some follow up on those characters). The second story from a different author - I was confused about the ending. Haven't read the third story yet.

Mykeia said...

Dang it's before eight a.m. and the comments are at 32!

"You do understand that to be a rock star at work she is required to have opinions and articulate them. You want her to turn that off when she gets home? Okay then. " <===== Right here! Enough said OneChele, agreed!

Words are loaded and the phrase, "play her position"...wow, um who wouldn't want to challenge that?

I will be checking the comments today...I know BnB will be full of honesty today.

Princess0889 said...

I think it's amazing how we all can jump down this man's throat about what he wants but to me if that's what you want you will eventually get it.

I personally do not believe he is asking for extraordinarily rare feature/qualities for a wife. What I do know is women in some ways have gotten to big for our own pant (women's liberation). I think we have left our wifely duties behind for careers which I don't think it was the originally intent of Women's Movement. I believe they wanted to prove they could do it all (work and take care of the home).

But, I'm in my early twenties so what do I know, right?

C Nelson said...

I'm going to show this to my fiance and watch him fall all over himself laughing. "Tall" and "attractive" are relative terms, Jack. "Straight" is a matter of nature that fits what, 90% of the people on the planet? "Educated" and "employed" is what you have to be to keep the food on your own table and the lights on. Sorry, no extra credit for writing your name once you get past kindergarten. We're in the big kids' school now. And you know what big kids don't do? Throw tantrums and spit the dummy when someone disagrees with them. If your own opinions and lack of challenge from a woman are that important to you, I hear that guy who built Aiko the robot is making great strides. You should look him up. I mean, she even cleans! As for the cooking -- hire a housekeeper. It's what most "power couples" do, and there's a reason for that.

Qalil said...

LOVING the "ninja, please"

He'd have to be a ninja to find someone like that!

Earthangel172 said...

Think P. Smart,

It's funny that you bring this up because this is exactly what happened to me. I married my high school sweetheart fresh out of college. I had a baby and it was all work, no play. Couldn't go out, isolated from my friends; family lived long distanced and little to no interaction outside of HIS circle. The beauty in being educated is that it frees your mind. I married him because I loved him but he couldn't compete with me intellectually which caused much conflict. I remember one time he told me that I think I know everything (a classic sign of insecurity) and I explained to him that it’s not my fault that I can converse about more things beside Madden and ghetto tales. I say all of this to say that Mr. Jack is a classic, controlling narcissist. He'll have her thinking that he is the best thing since sliced bread and that no man will be as good to her as he is. It's all about mind control and I pray the NO ONE falls into his trap.

jake said...

Everybody starts out wanting "it all" but then you grow the eff up and figure out what's really important. Apparently Mr. Jack will have to learn that the hard way. In the meantime... looks like he dropped a shiny new dime. Better believe someone is going to pick that up and rub it the right way. San Diego, you said?

Qalil said...

I'm guessing he can't cook.

Qalil said...

sending it RIGHT NOW! :-)

Earthangel172 said...

(And why is this allegedly grown man using phrases like five star?)

You forgot one more.....paid.

Do people still use that word anymore? That's so 1995.

LOL

C Nelson said...

My computer says the year is 2011, not 1811. Even if she was his wife (and I personally think she should be thanking God she's not) she doesn't have to let him have the last word more than, oh, 60% of the time. Couple-hood isn't always 50/50, but it better be equal opportunity to be 60/40.

Earthangel172 said...

ROTFLMBO!

Bravo!!

Alvin Milton said...

I definitely am guilty of wanting it all and the attitude still kinda plagues me to this day. To me, whenever I come across some trait that I might find less than desirable ... i question whether or not I can deal with it "forever".

Obviously I realize no one is perfect and there are going to be things that you have to accept about someone else. Chalk it up to the fear of settling down or the fear that someone down the road will come along and make you think you should not have committed to the current person. Sometimes I question the maturity of that thought but I think I'd have regrets if I feel like I missed out on the "perfect" woman for whatever reason.

I do think that women are a bit more accepting of us than we are of them. I don't know why.

Qalil Mac said...

Uhm...
"Not to pat myself on the back but I'm a good man. A catch if you will. Educated, employed, tall, straight, attractive and monogamous once I'm in a relationship." <--- Definite patting of back goin' on here.

If he is looking for a woman, I would assume he is a straight man (poor assumption on my part). What tells me that his story may not be on the up and up are the following things:

Educated = Grade 12/GED do count *He gives you blank stare*
Employed = A Club Promoter full-time / Rapper part-time (didn't Jermaine Dupri start out as one)
Tall = Negro please (You are showing signs of serious little man syndrome)
Straight = "she did not know how to play her position" (Would that be where she went wrong, gotta put on some football gear and be your QB?)
Attractive = Yo Mama dun lied to you and you know it! (Remember Juwanna Man - The Fillet Mignon dude thought he was FINE! and wasn't he rapper also?)
Monogamous = Betta get that piece of paper that says he doesn't have an assortment of STDs like you are in some variety shop.

These are just my impressions but then again, tendencies create patterns and patterns create stereotypes and he definitely falls in the category of Little Man Syndrome.

Earthangel172 said...

Tall = Negro please (You are showing signs of serious little man syndrome)

Oh.Em.Gee. I had to close the door to my office on this one. He's probably 5'7" at best. LOL

Qalil Mac said...

You know this! Can I borrow your door so I can have some privacy in my cubeville? LOL

Alvin Milton said...

To comment specifically on Mr. Jack, I'd say he messed up but I don't know all the details.
On one hand, a man should not feel belittled by his woman if she has an opinion contrary to his from time to time. If she always disagrees with something he says, that could be annoying, I agree. I too am confused by the "play her position" comment. Sounds like he doesn't view her as an equal which is weird being that he described her with all of those assets that make her desirable as a woman.

rozb said...

And she should be able to do all of this with Jazz Hands.

Alvin Milton said...

Sign me up too. The flight to San Fran is booked as we speak.

Qalil Mac said...

And now we know how old his ass is too...29? Yeah...in dog years. He dun carbon-dated himself. LOL

Joy Andrews said...

I don't think rolling with an 80% guy is a bad thing if you had a requirement list that was 100 items long. I don't call that settling, I call that knowing what's important.

If old girl was that much of a shrew, he wouldn't have stayed with her for 2 years. He's just a grass-is-greener guy who never realizes what he's got till it's gone. I'd bet he gets some quiet "whatever you want" chick, marries her and realizes his mstake five years too late

J. Jackson said...

OK, I can understand Mr. Jack, because I'm guilty of wanting it all. Like I told my friends, I need a man who mirrors me. Meaning that I want a man who has goals, have values, etc. I've been told MANY times (too many to count) that my expectations are unrealistic. It's like from Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married" where Tyler Perry's character explained the 80/20 rule. In most mates, you will get 80% of what you want, and some people will leave them to find that 20% and realize they should have held on to the 80%.

Yes, I think people are still looking for perfection, but it's relative to the person. My sense of perfection will probably be different than the next person's perfection. Like I tell people, your mate is a reflection of you, so chose wisely.

I also agree that men don't settle. I know and heard stories of women who settle. For some women when they reach the age of 30, it's like, "I need to find a man and get married." Like I told my friends, "I'm not looking for anyone, but the RIGHT one. If I have to wait until I'm 40 to get married, so be it." As you can see, I don't believe in settling...

I Am Me said...

Ladies, ladies - wow. The shade being thrown!
The man wants what he wants. I think, as Chele said, he's missing the forest for the trees but that's on him.
Sure, looking at this letter he seems a little full of himself but again that's on him.
Everyone wants the best that they feel they can get. He thinks there's better out there.
The best thing he could do is let girlie go so someone else can appreciate her.
I'm cool with that.

datdudeincali said...

I'm in San Diego, Chele - hook a brother up. He said "a beast in the bedroom" - *exhales slowly*
I cook already and I could use a second opinion round here.

Pure Choco said...

I'm hung up on I'd just prefer a woman to just be quiet about it and keep it moving
WHAT?! I'm so sick of that "sisters need to learn to shut up" nonsense.
It didn't bother him for two years so what's the real problem?

Trudy said...

Perfect comment. LOL

Trey Charles said...

I hate that we live in a time where average-azz brothers have been hyped to think they're something special.
#dobetter
#shotsfired
#20niggaslikeyouhereinBnBalone

Trey Charles said...

And boo for your punk-azz writing in with this ish. You knew you threw away a good one or you wouldn't have asked.

BlackButterfly said...

"a man should not feel belittled by his woman if she has an opinion contrary to his from time to time. If she always disagrees with something he says, that could be annoying, I agree."

"I too am confused by the "play her position" comment. Sounds like he doesn't view her as an equal which is weird being that he described her with all of those assets that make her desirable as a woman."

O_O, Do you contradict yourself often?

Diana said...

LMAO at the fellas lining up to get Mr. Jack's Ex's phone number.
Him dumping her is probably the best thing that could have happened.

Jeannette said...

Boy u betta say it.

Cassie said...

In five inch heels

Cassie said...

I read White Mocha last night - Chele don't take no prisoners. I found myself really craving "coffee" :)
The other two stories by the other authors were complete garbage.

Cassie said...

This whole thing is very confusing to me. He describes her in such glowing term but then says she mouths off and can't cook. REALLY?
She dodged a bullet.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

*guffaws* I knew the men in BougieLand would not waste any time.

thinklikeRiley said...

Jack (eff a Mr.),
1. Order take out.
2. Satisfied women have nothing to talk about.
3. Pass the plate of cookies, son. You ain't worthy.
Riley out.

thinklikeRiley said...

Respect.

CorettaJG said...

See, you got me hollering up in this place of business - so wrong!!

Andrea M said...

Right?!

maureen palmer said...

Erh.. ohh... mmmm..huh, why do I feel like I just stepped into 1920s? living. But there is nothing wrong with wanting what u want. Good luck.

I wonder if Jack read that article Chele wrote after that TV show with Hill Harper and Sherri Shepard.

soldier said...

oh and the contradiction: 'She lets a man be a man, but she doesn't know how to play her position'?.
What is she? A borg drone? You reduced her to a functional service unit. might as well give her a designation : '7 of 9'?

She IS playing her position, it just that her position outsmarts & outshines yours.
At what point will 'Mr Jack' realise that SHE SETTLED FOR YOU, yet you still let her get away. That's like winning the lotto and still ending up broke.

Mr Jack = #FAIL

Maybe if you stopped relying on lil wayne style music and tv shows to tell you how to value a woman, you wouldn't be writing to a blog to help you deduce how to value worth in woman.

Andrea M said...

I don't think rolling with an 80% guy is a bad thing if you had a requirement list that was 100 items long. I don't call that settling, I call that knowing what's important.
YES!
I've seen people with "must have" lists three four pages long. Getting someone who fits have of that is not a settle, it's just good common sense.
I don't think men settle less. I've seen a man or two in my day get tired and say "she'll do"
Mr. Jack is an idiot

Andrea M said...

I don't know about a grown man calling himself "Mr. Jack"

Court A said...

THIS is everything! *hanging head and slowly shaking side to side*

BlackButterfly said...

I would like grown ass people to stop wanting "make believe" to be reality. Isn't that why most parents told their kids NOT to believe what they saw on TV because they didn't want them to end up in the emergency room because they thought they could fly?!

Clue: Not all women just because they are women are born WANTING to cook because there is no such gene!

You are not ready to be in an adult relationship because you are still on the imaginary train. When you are ready and realize that you made a huge mistake dropping her 98% looking for your 2%, please know and understand that she is not obligated in any way to give a damn.

Advice: Finding the "perfect person" is an impossibility because we are imperfect people. The focus should be on finding your perfect complement.

rozb said...

While keeping the hair on point.

michaeldavis said...

I'm what you consider a catch (sorry y'all I just HAD to say that)...but seriously just because he made a mistake with his ex-woman doesn't mean he isn't a 'good catch.'

I don't know the whole situation. All I can say is there's is a difference a woman that doesn't think every word he says is fantastic, and a woman that challenges every thing you say. I was married to the latter (key word: WAS). It does get to be a beating, and can be a major factor in a relationship.

I think it's a fallacy that brothers don't compromise. A lot of us do. He may also need some good female friends. Mine give me a hard time about dating and also some pointers in the process.

I don't need a (his words) "five-star career chick" and Patti Labelle in the kitchen. But I do like a woman with a career going for herself (doesn't have to be a VP or exec) and SOME cooking skills. I like a woman with her mind right and a heart for the community. I will cook too, as long as she does sometimes. Give and take, ya know?

My bros: we have some things going for us, maybe more than others. But what I noticed is that while we date often if we find someone with it going on we will shut it down. In the last few weeks I may have found that. I cleared all the women I date out of the picture. Time will tell.

CaliGirlED said...

"(Must be at least THIS mature to ride) "...I.love.this!!!

CaliGirlED said...

As always you put your spin on it and now it is spun out! "...while the pole comes down from the ceiling and she dances for him." DEAD

LMAO!!! You are a nut! And I love it!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Another FTW!

Stank_0 said...

I think the message from Jack has gotten lost in the method. I see what he's getting at. Just because someone looks good on paper doesn't mean they are for you. Maybe he realized it but got too comfortable to get out.

If you find the perfect woman, she won't want you because you aren't perfect.

I've heard that a man only meets 3 truly great women in his life. I think you just ran into #1. Take some time, get your unified self together and keep your eyes open for #2 unless you decide that #1 was good for you. Happy Hunting.

JohnKinPDX said...

Who told him we was a "good man"? His mirror?
I wonder if she really challenged everything he said or she just said things smarter than he ever could?
And it's not a matter of settling, it's deciding that this person is a fit whatever she comes with as a package.
Something for Mr. Jack to marinate on:

http://youtu.be/AnyqVRijCNw

CaliGirlED said...

"Having a good job, being educated and attractive does not make you a "good" man so let's dispel that myth now."...A.M.E.N!!! Because some men have/are all this and will whip your tale the minute you "step out of line"; or will cheat on you; or is a heavy drug user; or is a child molester. I said all that to say, I am so tired of hearing, "Girl he looks good and he has a good job"! That's all fine and dandy but what are his characteristics, how does he treat women, how does he treat people, what is his faith?

You're a good man, but you want a woman "to just be quiet about it and keep it moving"? Miss me with this nonsense Jack!!!

Jason P said...

Lord help the guy that hooks up with his ex next. She's going to be pissy as hell.

Penny said...

Thank you for your honesty. I know more than one man similar to Mr. Jack (not so much the "play your position" but looking for 100%, and will settle for nothing less. They are still alone.) While we ladies think Mr. Jack might regret his decision in the future, maybe he won't. Bet the young lady won't regret being left behind though. Just from this board alone, she has men interested.

blackprofessor said...

LMAO and dead at "20niggaslikeyouhereinBnBalone".

CaliGirlED said...

"Sorry, no extra credit for writing your name once you get past kindergarten."...LMAO!!! Was just talking last night about men bragging about what they have or have accomplished. Ninja that's what you are supposed to do!

Jason P said...

Man listen...

Jason P said...

I think the contradiction was in Mr. Jack. He described what he wanted, said he had it but then said he didn't want it. WDDDA?

CaliGirlED said...

"Better believe someone is going to pick that up and rub it the right way. San Diego, you said? " Exactly!...One man's trash is another man's treasure. And he will be real salty once someone else is appreciating and "appropriately " showing off that shiny dime!

CaliGirlED said...

"I do think that women are a bit more accepting of us than we are of them. I don't know why. "...Because once we accept, fall in love with and commit to a man, this ("fear that someone down the road will come along and make you think you should not have committed to the current person.") is generally not an issue.

C Nelson said...

2. Satisfied women have nothing to talk about.

*dies.* Leave it to Riley!

Sasha in Stilettos said...

The sad truth is thirsty chicks have been pumping up the Mr Jacks of the world. They now believe themselves to be sought after kings. He tossed this one away, I've no doubt 3 or four "five star" chicks are salivating to take her place. He won't regret it, he'll think he traded up.

CaliGirlED said...

"He said "a beast in the bedroom" - *exhales slowly* I cook already and I could use a second opinion round here."...LMAO!!! This.right.here.

CaliGirlED said...

"#20niggaslikeyouhereinBnBalone "...Say it again so he can hear ya!

OneChele said...

You should see the ones I reject...

Earthangel172 said...

Amen!! I'm concerned about a man's CHARACTER....Period.

CaliGirlED said...

"That's like winning the lotto and still ending up broke."...Girl you almost made me choke, and I'm not even drinking anything!

"Maybe if you stopped relying on lil wayne style music and tv shows to tell you..." (anything about real life)!...You spoke some truth this here day!!!

OneChele said...

This requires bolding: I hate that we live in a time where average-azz brothers have been hyped to think they're something special.
Let the church say...

OneChele said...

Gives one pause, doesn't it?

OneChele said...

Who told him we was a "good man"? His mirror? <~~~ Love it!

OneChele said...

Or she might be relieved and ready for some new-new, you never know.

OneChele said...

Or she might be relieved and ready for some new-new, you never know.

OneChele said...

Let's say it again: The sad truth is thirsty chicks have been pumping up the Mr Jacks of the world.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

*Tambourine!*

Leon X said...

This is why things are messed up today. Not only are people expecting perfection from a mate they believe they are entitled to it. Le sigh indeed.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Every week there is another article, book, pundit/airhead, blog, and barbershop conversation talking about how sisters need to step up their game to get/keep/marry/please a man. Or telling her how she should change/diminish/modify herself in some way in order to be more desirable, marriageable, more like white/nonblack women, etc. And then, [some] brothers come along and want EXTRA credit for being functional adults, all while telling sisters that doing likewise isn't special and doesn't increase their desirability as mates. So, yeah, a man who let a nearly perfect woman (in his own words) go so he can find someone with that last little bit is not going to garner much sympathy. Yeah, we should be so laissez-faire and ignore the fool, but I think I'm not alone when I say such ign'ance causes the spirit of slap to come upon me, and I have to unleash some fiyah through the keyboard.

CaliGirlED said...

Amen!

CaliGirlED said...

Not if she takes a page from John's book...She seems like a really good woman, hopefully she will dust herself off and positively move on to the next one.

FreeBlackMan said...

I was going to say "give her something else to do with her mouth" but I didn't think Chele would appreciate it.

Alvin Milton said...

I think the fact remains, there are a lot more "mate-worthy" women than are men... so I also think that plays into it. Part of growing older means realizing you can't have em all though. This is what I have been realizing lately. So if I do happen to come across someone that is 90% I'm not gonna give her the boot for the missing 10%.

OneChele said...

I. Don't. :-\

SingLikeSassy said...

::snicker::

SingLikeSassy said...

TABERNACLE!

rozb said...

The spirit of slap This. Right. Here. I feel it every now and then.

rozb said...

It's because you can picture it in your head running like a sitcom episode.

Alvin Milton said...

Not to get into semantics but what exactly did I say that was contradicting? I personally don't care if someone doesn't agree with me from time to time... but all the time?...either I don't know what I'm talking about or the other person likes hearing themselves talk. There should be balance. Think about if roles were reversed with someone invalidating everything you say? Thats annoying. At some point, you may not want to talk to someone like that anymore. Mr Jack was saying there was no meeting of the minds or common ground which I think is exaggerated. I still disagree with the "play her position" comment because of the inherently subliminal misogyny it implies.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

An HR director operated from this perspective: the way you start out is the way you end up. They both did each other a favor by being themselves. If your *ahem* requirements were met except for ..."Two things though, she couldn't (or wouldn't) cook and she did not know how to play her position."..., you, sir, have issues. You want a Clare Huxtable and you're so not ready to be her Cliff! You knew when you wrote in that you. blew. it. While you contemplate all that has been said here, ask yourself if you really want a woman like this. ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3HASgMS7w0 (it gets REALLY good at 1:55!)

Jubilance said...

All I have to say is, I heart BougieLand. Yall have summed up everything I wanted to say & I have liked accordingly.

I especially love that we have so many smart men over there. Thumbs up to all the BnB men.

JazzaBelle said...

Sits back, eats cereal and takes it all in. The ladies are definitely letting him know how it is today.

CaliGirlED said...

Which makes me a nut too? I'm cool with that! LOL

CaliSlim said...

I'm down! Maybe I'd start a spin off blog with them... "Black N Thirsty!" LOL

C Nelson said...

His problem with the cooking is, he's too hung up on what's a "woman's role." And we as women too often let our boys and men get away with that nonsense, and train our daughters to do the same, so we have to take some of the blame. Things like this is why my (then) 20-some-yr-old brother got his first job at a convenience store, got told to mop the floor, and looked our (female) manager in the eye and protested that my SISTERS do that! He's 30-some now and had better find a wife who can cook, because otherwise they'll be living on peanut butter sandwiches and hard-boiled eggs.

David Chase said...

^What he said.

David Chase said...

*hides a smile behind his hand*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Your sign is it! I was thinking of an Ed Lover cardboard special for Jack, but love yours! (Is he sitting on the rocking horse while he waits to grow up?)

cocoaeyecandy said...

I'm a little testy today so excuse me in advance -
WTF Jack? Bish gotta walk on water for your ass or what?
Got dam I'm sick and tired of all these basic menfolk trying to down women for not being Superwoman.
Jack can kiss my entire talkative opinionated black ass.

Apologies. I'm better now.

Crystal said...

Guys like this make me feel like I am not good enough as I am... and that's a shame and definitely something I am working on.

Crystal said...

... and she will be married and about to have her first child!!!

rozb said...

Jack might want to think about why it may have been so easy to be "let go".

MidWestDominicana said...

Where's that collection plate?! You betta preach!

rozb said...

"I don't think I'm asking for too much based on what I'm bringing to the table."

Hmm...burgers and fries with a Diet Coke are a meal. You might think you have put together the most delicious, satisfying meal ever. But really, are you supposed to expect filet mignon, truffles, and champagne based on the fact you consider what you bring five-star? When in reality, it is just simply fast food?

MidWestDominicana said...

Hally loo yer!

MelaninEnriched said...

I haven't read all the comments, but this comes from these men having their seemingly limitless choice of women. So, I tell Jack, do you. If you think you can get the other 2% before you're 85, cool. Generally, what happens though is these men find themselves in their late 30's or 40's, with their best (health) years behind them, getting all desperate, then complaining that they can't find any good women. I can't tell you how many men I've run into who are mid-thirties to mid-forties whining about not finding quality women. They get the side eye from me, because I'm sure they started out as Jack, the other 2% didn't come along, and I feel no sympathy or empathy.

AndreaPlaid said...

@Crystal--Gurl, it's not that you're not good enough. More than likely, you're too good for men like Jack. Trust that.

--###--
I'ma say it: Jack sounds like a 29-year-old version of Mr. No Natural from yesterday's post.

Jack also reminds me of a man who directed and narrated a documentary on beauty in the US. He said that, like Jack, he met the "perfect woman" but wound up breaking up with her because he thought he could find someone even prettier/smarter/more together than the ex. As karma would have it, the ex remarried and the doc director remained single and looking--dare I say it?--put out to pasture. And regretful.

Men like Jack wind up being sixty and single pervily eyeballing women on the bus or trying to roll up on the younger women (as in young enough to be his daughter) at the laundromat trying to holla. To those men I say, "Naw, you need your Social Security check more than I will. Thanks, Old Playa."

CaliGirlED said...

Whoa Crystal, work real hard on that, put in overtime! The longer you continue to let guys like this make you feel that way, you will continue to draw in those kind of guys....cyberhug and sistagirl boost to ya!!!

CaliGirlED said...

We eventually grow up and no longer want to eat at the "kiddie" table.

MidWestDominicana said...

I love Bougieland so much. Nail on the head with most of the comments. CocoaEyeCandy and RozB...ya'll are hilarious.

What will Chele pull out of the bag next!

Crystal said...

Thank you and I am. Also because I am aware of this I am not dating, I have been focusing on me and working really hard. Thanks again!!

AndreaPlaid said...

This right here--

Generally, what happens though is these men find themselves in their late 30's or 40's, with their best (health) years behind them...

--especially sexual health, which is something some men don't grasp. Real talk: as much as some may want to say that men seem to have far longer reproductive years than women because they can produce sperm, for some women it's not about the sperm itself but how the organ(s) that helps the sperm to make their way out is functioning that some of us are wondering about. (I'm trying to keep this as bouge as I can.) And the reality is, as men age, "down there" simply doesn't function like it used to at 17 years old...or 27 years old...or 37 years old. Yeah, we can talk/giggle about Viagra and Cialis, but some women ain't trying to hear all that, especially from men like Jack who are demanding a woman be so 105 all the time and bragging that he's got so much to bring to the table. And if said man is trying say all that, can't get it up, and looks like he's 15 months pregnant...just no. Because it's men like Jack who tend to go this health/appearance route. Karma, I suppose...

Crystal said...

Thanks for your encouragement. My cousins (male) are always telling me just what you said. I am definitely working on me.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Crystal, hold your head up and throw your shoulders back! You are worth more than what someone like Jack wants to dish up. Step around the Mr. Jacks because there is a m-a-n for you somewhere on your journey. Hold your head up!!

Think P. Smart said...

Or maybe his momma told him that. But she has to--she's his momma. very few will tell their sons, "Baby I love you but your dusty ass is just doing what you're supposed to be doing. Stop smelling yourself."

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I don't even know and I suspect you're twice the person Mr. Jack will ever be. He's a legend in his own mind, you're keeping it real.

AndreaPlaid said...

::hugs:: People like Jack tend to say what they say partly to unnerve. If they can get you off-kilter, they think they can sway you however and wherever they want. As several commenters said yesterday about No Natural Boy, that's how those kinds of folks roll. You'll learn that you don't have to roll with them, that's all.

Marcus Smith said...

I think Mr. Jack is slightly misguided. Not necessarily a super villain, but not the super star he thinks he is either. I say that for a few reasons. #1 being him identifying himself as a "catch". I've had people call me that b/c I'm in shape, ambitious, create my own income, etc. I have one of the largest egos on the planet and even I have a problem with the phrase "catch".

Mr. Jack's only real problem is that he wants a woman to "play her position" and "keep quiet and keep it movin". A few things:

1) My fiance doesn't have a position. We made that clear at the very beginning. I have pretty similar expectations as Mr. Jack when it comes to what I'd like in a woman. My lady fulfills that and more. Having said that she is my PARTNER and nothing less.

2) Seems like Jackaroo needs to win every argument or discussion. His lady was probably a bit testy but all that can be handled with a simple phrase "ok honey you're right". There's no shame in it and nobody is gonna cut your leg off. You can't compete with your partner for tick marks on the discussion board. Honestly, I'd be disappointed if my fiance laid down to everything I said.

3) I've been fortunate to meet women who can cook. If you're burning toast and cooking dry chicken then I'm going to have to pass.

Mr. Jack you need to start thinking of your woman as your partner. If not its going to be a tough road bro.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Well, I'm going to break it down.
There are a lot of Mr. Jacks out there. Hell, I was one. Lot of bruhs running around thinking "I'm an A+ man, I can't have no C- woman on my arm." Until you get a woman you think is A+ and she treats you like a D-. You feel me? Everyone who thinks they are top shelf are bottom barrel to someone else. And vice versa. The key is to get the f**k over yourself and find someone who gets you and sticks with you whether you're an A or an F. Once you find that person and it's real, you could give a shiggity about anyone else's rating system.

Leopard_Print_Pumps said...

Preach!

Trudy said...

I think the juxtaposition you mention of "step up their game" and "change/diminish/modify" is really poignant. What is occurring then is (some) men desire something that is not really logical at all. One cannot increase and decrease who they are simultaneously. They are crafting a path to sure failure in getting what they desire while breaking hearts and probably pissing people off along the way.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Fellas, please weigh in today. I'm dying to know if Jack is alone in his principles. Thoughts, comments, insights?"

I was not going to comment but that line right there brought me out. I have NOT read any of the other posts so if I am either repeating what others have said or all out in left field I did it all by myself.

I can relate to Jack. I wanted pretty much the same things in a woman that he does except I never cared if she could cook and I welcome the free exchange of ideas. I don't have a 'position' the woman in my life needs to play and I am not even sure what that means. I have a woman now who fulfills everything I was looking for. It can be done. In my case it took a couple more decades then Jack has been living so there's that. Patience is a virtue if you don want to 'settle'. I do agree with Chele though. Looks like Bruh is tossing out the 98% looking for the two. Your life your world just know you may be looking for a while.

Since I am commenter #150 I will now go back and see what Bougieland had to say. Imma guess that some of y'all went IN...LOL

Crystal said...

Thank you!

Crystal said...

Thank you!

LikeLena said...

This is it right here.

GrownAzzMan said...

Chele will probably rebuke me but I cosign this...

LikeLena said...

Love this: Mr. Jack you need to start thinking of your woman as your partner. If not its going to be a tough road bro.

LikeLena said...

Oh Damn! Tell us how you really feel ;-)

LikeLena said...

Ooo-wee.

LikeLena said...

Umm. That whole mama thing might be the issue right there.

LikeLena said...

*raises hand* I would like to respectfully request a BnB directory. Names, age, email addys and marital status. With pics and profiles.

Please and thank you.

LikeLena said...

Yes, along with the aura of ass-kick. Amen.

michaeldavis said...

Pulling out one point since I laid out my POV below :

More on the cooking side... to women with kids/younger brothers/etc: I beg of you, TEACH THEM HOW TO COOK!

My Grandmom (R.I.P.) said that I should know how to cook because I may be single and you can't eat TV dinners all the time. That and a kitchen fire I started as a kid was the precursor to me learning how to cook. However, I don't want to get married and eat worse than I do now. Any woman (or man) should have a few signature dishes that they can execute. Otherwise, you'll be buying me "pressure pills" from all the takeout/fast food/etc we keep eating when I don't cook.

michaeldavis said...

now this phrase here works both ways :)

LikeLena said...

in matching vicki's secrets

LikeLena said...

Chele has a short story "White Mocha" in there. I'm telling you we need a BnB After Dark so Chele can share a secret or two. Sexxxy! I want to know who was her inspiration and are there pictures?!
I need to highlight a few paragraphs, send over to some fellas and say "for instructional purposes only"
If you are trying to be chaste, this book won't help your cause. Not. At. All.

michaeldavis said...

Chele I thought that was your pseudonym for him...that's what he really called himself??

CaliGirlED said...

Don't get me started on Mama's Boys!

CaliGirlED said...

See Crystal, just stick right here in BougieLand, you'll be kickin the Jacks of the world to the curb in no time!

Brandon St. Randy said...

this whole 98%/2% jive is a little misleading. If someone cooking for him is important, it's important. a lot of women act like cooking is some slave-type labor that's beneath them. Culturally, for both men and women, the act of communal eating is one of the things that ties families together. And for a lot of men particularly from the South or Carribean/Africa, they're used to having a mother who prepares food for the family and expect their wife to do the same for their future family. In terms of her challenging him on everything, that sounds less like someone with an informed opinion and more like a shrew. Not many men I know want to live with a shrew day in and day out for the next 50 years. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't. But if she were truly the right person for him (vs. the right person on paper), he'd have made it work. Hopefully, the woman who fulfills all his wants thinks he's as much of a catch as he does.

Annette Evans said...

Good luck finding that other 2% dude. I am sure your ex-lady is not lacking for company.

William Martin said...

I'm going to take a moment and clap it up for the graphics. Sometimes the picture really drives me to see what the post is about so kudos for that.

Now, I doubt I have anything to say that hasn't already been shared except that I'm confused as to why he wrote this letter at all. Was it to tell you how great he is? How semi-great he thought she was? Did he want validation? Forgiveness? What?

Do you, bro. If that wasn't the woman for you oooo-kay. Next.

CaliGirlED said...

Paying my tithes and offering right here!

William Martin said...

That's why we keep coming back, we just never know.

OneChele said...

see now...

Annette Evans said...

I don't think Clair would have been down with "playing her position", either. Rememer the episode with Elvin, where she told him that if he did not get it together, "no one would be getting him coffee anywhere, anytime, anyway!" Oh, Snap! LOL

OneChele said...

I'm afraid so.

William Martin said...

Boys will be boys, Chele. You knew someone had to take it there.
*runs out laughing*

rozb said...

A and men!

William Martin said...

1. How easy is that
2. Truer words were never spoken
3. Make sure to leave more than crumbs on the plate.

michaeldavis said...

*Florida Evans kool-aid bowl throwing, James just died in an accident wall slide*

William Martin said...

We see you!

Annette Evans said...

That right there!

rozb said...

Tell the Jacks of the world to kick rocks with flip-flops on! And remember - Jack is only one half. I think you can figure out the other half! *Sipping my Corona*

Page Bartlett said...

He said everybody he knows thinks he's a fool to let her go. Let me ask ya;ll something - who can get everybody they know (fam, friends, line sisters) to agree on ANYTHING? Something ain't right.

Page Bartlett said...

But uh er - she never cooked. It wasn't like yesterday she decided to quit cooking. Why did it bother him two years in but not before? Something is shady with this story, I guarantee.
I also sense a little bitterade coming from you but there's from my perch in Cynicism Central.
Carry on.

Mykeia said...

Me too!

Page Bartlett said...

GAM, they did. Some folks went all the way in and back out again.

Page Bartlett said...

We like the new guy.

Page Bartlett said...

Wait - is it like that?! *downloads to Nook*

Annette Evans said...

I guess he has been watching too much"Mad Men". You cannot have a 1950's women in a 2011 world. Not all women cook anymore (you should respect that) and having opinions is a asset, not a liability. Grow up, young brother, before you end up a bitter old guy with no one to love at all.

Qalil Mac said...

She probably found his driver's license and found out he was really 45 with a different name and 4 baby mamas. I'm jus' sayin' , it is all plausible and no that did not happen to me at all! *Deadpan expression*

Steve said...

LOL @ Cynicism Central! Is that next to BeenThereDoneThat Blvd?

Nicole said...

Chuuurch!!! Talmbout work for the man, have your kids, cook, clean, keep it tight and right, give you copious cocoa with marshamllows on top (and in my case, take care of your sick mama with the stank attitude?) Negro, GTFOH!! You don't get it all, men!!

BrendaKay said...

Giving my tithes to AndreaPlaid for speaking a hard truth that most men over the age of 50 refuse to acknowledge.

AMES said...

Jack made the best decision for himself and the woman benefits from that decision. Ignoring all the vanity written in the question is the peace piece. He wants a mate who does not ad conflict to his life.

The woman did not respect him a or his program nd if they had married she would have been unable to play the role he clearly wants in a wife. Perhaps she felt she was dating down, but there is a reason women question and battle everything a man thinks or suggests.

All the folks telling you she is great would not have to exist in the stress that would be part of your daily life. You should put peace at the top of your dating list.

If you can afford a wife and aren't looking for the second income upgrade, go for a woman who knows how to play the role you want. That type of woman usually requires a man who wants to and is able to provide.

If you want the second income upgrade then you need to evaluate what is really immportant to you. It will be hard to locate a smart woman who will work and pay bills with you and then let you come home and lead. It costs to be the boss.

Lunnty said...

This is a tough one. Maybe Mr. Jack doesn't want perfection...just peace. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if your partner's "habits" are something you could live with over the long-term and I guess he said no way. If you can't have a relaxing conversation with your significant other, it can be grating on the nerves, no matter how "hot" the sista is. I used to date a woman like that. If I would say, "It's great to see a Black President", she would say something like, "The proper term is African American. And technically Obama is bi-racial" and blah blah blah blah blah." I don't mind being challenged and having debates, but damn. I'm not in the mood to debate every statement I make. Like Mr. Jack's girl, she just couldn't let an innocuous statement ride...she had to provide correction and commentary on everything. I let it slide at first because she was a "stunna", but I'm dating for marriage...and I couldn't see myself living with that every day without going crazy. It was like living with my school-teacher Mama!


And if Mr. Jack ain't feeling any remorse over the break-up, then his girl "chiming in" must have really gotten on his nerves...especially if she was a beast in the bedroom and he still cut her loose. The only thing I would have advised Mr. Jack to do was to sit down and talk to her first about it before you broke up with her. That way, even if she didn't want or feel the need to modify her actions, she would have an awareness of what she was doing and why the break up occured. Sometimes people get on your nerves and they have no idea they're doing so.

BrendaKay said...

There is no way that I'm going to allow some faceless individual, who hasn't provided one piece of evidence to back up his claim of being a great "catch" to make me feel anything except mild amusement at his egocentric letter. :-)

SingLikeSassy said...

From the letter: "When I called her on it she said maybe I just needed a different kind of woman that I could 'mold and teach' to do and say what I wanted when I wanted."

These two are better off not together.

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 259   Newer› Newest»

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails