Friday, March 18, 2011

The Questions for the Fellas I refused to answer...

I could call them the best of the rest but really, they were the Worst of the Thirst. Ladies, ladies, ladies - read the t-shirt (available at zazzle.com):


Some of these questions were just shameful in their thirst, ignorance and needaclueness. Let's take a look, shall we?
1. How can I make a man fall in love with me?
2. Can you ask the men to give tips on giving better (fill in the blank of several cocoa related acts here)?
3. Even though my man is married - [yeah, I stopped reading after that]
4. Can you hook me up with (insert a BnB dude's name here)?
5. I'm engaged to a man that I've never met face to face - [I went no further]
6. I'm dating my ex-s.o.'s line brother. What can I do to smooth over the situation?
7. I don't go out much and I'm shy in public. How do I get guys to notice me? I'm invisible to them.
8. What do you think is the best way to break up with somebody?
9. I stopped stirring the cocoa with my husband six months ago and - [I sent her straight to Dr. Jayme]
10. Is there any surefire way to keep a man from cheating?
Y'all see what I mean, right? I couldn't even in good conscience turn these over to the fellas to dissect and review. But I'll turn these over to you, Bougienistas. Do you want to take a swing at any of these? Did you have other questions you wanted answered that weren't covered this week? Feel free and go in, the floor is yours. (And thanks for a great week!)

67 comments:

IJusCan't said...

O_o. Ladies!!! Ladies!!! SMH. All the questions deserve 2 slaps and a satdown girl. SMH.

tiffanyinhouston said...

This deserves a blog post of it's very own! Kudos Roz!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

hehehehehe I didn't know so many people lived in the desert, with all this thirst and whatnot!

Anywho, since I like solving other people's problems, here are my responses?

1. Hahahaha, the same way you can make the sun rise in the west. You can't. Take two pills of "love yourself" and get with someone that wants from you what you want from them
2. This is bougie land, not Xanadu. There are resources out there for this. Heck, if you feel uncomfortable looking for it on the web or at certain adult venues, there are nice little cozy sections in every Borders (which is closing, so you can get the books for the low) and Barnes and Noble.
3. GTFOHWTBS
4. Aren't all these dudes on twitter? Put on your big girl panties and send a tweet. But they better be single, cuz you will catch a beatdown from the bougieland drop squad if you are being messy.
5. You stoopid
6. Ain't no smoothing. Be grown and enjoy dating ol' dude, and don't start any (more) drama.
7. Love yourself, appreciate yourself, and make yourself approach men in relatively safe situations. Oh, and leave the drab clothes alone. Get some feminine shirts in sensual fabrics and shades that flatter you, put on some light makeup (cuz I'm guessing you aren't ready for the MAC glam look yet. Mascara, eye liner and lip gloss is really all you need), and go out and talk to somebody. C'est facile, non?
8. Are you new here? With tact, as quickly as possible.
9. Dr. Jayme is handling this.
10. Yup, don't get with a cheating man.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Jinx! I typed the sun rising in the west before I read. Must read comments so as not to repeat what's been said.

rozb said...

Great minds...

rozb said...

Thanks. Comes from experiencing life and actually learning from mistakes.

BTW - I used to be quite shy myself. I know - you would never know it, huh?

GrownAzzMan said...

No country for thirsty questions. What the T-shirt said...

GrownAzzMan said...

*fist bump and a head-nod*

michaeldavis said...

WOW at some of those questions.... and Roz needs to guest post at some point.
Question #6: I need to meet the dude and I'm bringing a rolled-up New York Times to do the talking..the Sunday version.

(looks at questions again)...I need to find a corner to hug myself and rock back and forth in.

.tisha said...

Aw what the heck...it's Friday...and I got crap else to do! Well, actually I do, but roll with me on the movie reference LOL.

1. How can I make a man fall in love with me?

You....can't. There's no sure-fire method or formula. The very phrasing of this question, though, prompts me to say get thee to a therapist. It reads so unworthy. You're better than that, I'm sure.

2. Can you ask the men to give tips on giving better (fill in the blank of several cocoa related acts here)?

Ask your man! There ARE a few cultural universals when it comes to rendering someone absolutely powerless 'cause your cocoa's so good. But truly, you should ask the one you're stirring with. For example, I don't like my ears to be licked. That will turn me RIGHT off; do not pass go, do not collect $200. Many women like this though. Same with men. Your man has things that he likes specifically, which may or may not be what you've been led to believe men like. Ask him what you can to do improve in any area. He'll appreciate the sentiment and you will know for SURE how to curl his toes.

3. Even though my man is married - [yeah, I stopped reading after that]

Yeah, unless she's his wife that one doesn't even deserve an answer. This? Right here? Is why we can't get nowhere as a people. LOL. <---But no, really.

4. Can you hook me up with (insert a BnB dude's name here)?

I mean...I almost can't blame this chick for trying. I'm a total newbie here but I've read some nice things and seen some nice pictures...LOL. But seriously, unless there's a BnB Matchmaking component coming soon, you really don't have time for this I'm sure.

5. I'm engaged to a man that I've never met face to face - [I went no further]

I can't even understand how that works.

6. I'm dating my ex-s.o.'s line brother. What can I do to smooth over the situation?

Probably little to nothing. Men are territorial. Depending on how significant your ex-SO was to you, you are probably looking le parched right now. Where there no other men available in the free world--or at least your immediate area?

7. I don't go out much and I'm shy in public. How do I get guys to notice me? I'm invisible to them.

What's behind the shyness? Are you not confident about some aspect of yourself? I think that's what really needs to be addressed. Once you address that you may find you're not as invisible as you think you are. :)

8. What do you think is the best way to break up with somebody?

Be honest about what you're feeling and, if you're sure you want to be finished, firm in your resolve. There's nothing more messy than to pull a Cameo ("back/back/forth and forth")during a break-up and causing more hurt than was necessary.

9. I stopped stirring the cocoa with my husband six months ago and - [I sent her straight to Dr. Jayme]

If she didn't live close to her, did you help her with a ticket to get to Dr. Jayme? I might woulda put five on that. No good can come from not having sex with your husband for 6 months. They have to get to the root issue(s).

10. Is there any surefire way to keep a man from cheating?

No. Because his cheating has nothing to do with anything you do or don't do. Say it with me: "It's not...about...me." I don't care what he might tell you.

maureen palmer said...

To use Chele's word, Le Sigh Le Boo.

OneChele said...

This answer to number 4: Just make sure you don’t get in a “situation”, and then you have to get another identity just to blog here anymore. <~~ Ask around about dude formerly known as Lee who used to comment regularly, tried to play with one of the bougie sisters and was slapped backwards. He lurks now. Don't let that be you.

Natasha Hunter said...

@ #2 Yes, I stacked up right nicely on some books @ Borders, the good photography ones were still a wee bit expensive though.

DesertBlack said...

rozb,

On point as always!Don't hit em too hard. :)

David Chase said...

Just wow. If there were surefire answers for #1 and #10 somebody would have bottled them up and started selling them by now.

Natasha Hunter said...

Absoulutely love it!

(#7 needs to be in some type of rites of passage book.)

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Art books and photography books will always be expensive. SMH, culture costs!

Natasha Hunter said...

Only one that pulls at my heart strings is #7. Reminds me of Fern from the movie Jawbreaker. There are a gang of women that after they take off the lashes, leggings, and lipgloss feel this way deep down in their core. Like no one really SEES them. Maybe it ain't that deep, then again maybe it is. Whatever advice you decide to take #7 asker (lol) don't be a second rate anyone-else be true to who you are. Remember everythang ain't for everybody and the more unique you are the harder it is to find your fit... and try what roz said. :)

Natasha Hunter said...

Aww shiggity... thanks for the belly laugh to start the weekend!

.tisha said...

It's true--everything AIN'T for everybody! And thank God for that! I finished a book last night and though I wasn't too enamored with most of it, one thing stood out to me as a reminder; everybody shouldn't qualify to be with me. In the context of this present conversation, maybe you (dear, sweet #7 inquiry) SHOULD be invisible to SOME men because you shouldn't be the woman that just ANYone can date, kwim? Sometimes? The very fact that you didn't get that thing (read: date/man/woman) you wanted is the actual blessing.

Jamie Wesley said...

"there are nice little cozy sections in every Borders (which is closing, so you can get the books for the low)"

OK, this made me laugh out loud.

And better yet, order from Amazon. Everything comes in a plain brown box. No one ever has to know.

P.S. All these Borders closings make my heart hurt.

Natasha Hunter said...

Right on! Trust that whoever is supposed to see your lil' light shinin' is fo sho' gonna see it, heck sometimes you can't hide it! (And I really, really can type and speak properly, but I'm a fan of J. California Cooper and I guess this is where I choose to show that. ;) )

L.P. said...

I personally think some of these questions were more interesting than "why isn't a guy calling back?" for instance... but oh well. :)

ASmith said...

I've actually seen #6 play out. Well, more on like a dating leve, but still. Umm... bad idea all the way around. ALL. THE. WAY. AROUND. Just cease and desist...

MeetCharlieL said...

THAT poor bastard. Not only did he come sideways, then he tried to get froggy with Chele on some extra. Old boy got bounced so quick. Here one day then like Keyser Soze -poof - he was gone.

OneChele said...

You know I would have!

OneChele said...

And Le Damn!

OneChele said...

It's just ugly - there was NO one else to date? C'mon now...

OneChele said...

This: Say it with me: "It's not...about...me."

OneChele said...

woo woo woo

OneChele said...

Exactly.

OneChele said...

This This is bougie land, not Xanadu
Let the church say...

CaliGirlED said...

Loved it Roz!!!

"3. Even though my man is married - [yeah, I stopped reading after that] HA! First – if he is married, he isn’t your man."...This.right.here.

5. I'm engaged to a man that I've never met face to face...What fresh hell?!! (Stolen line from one of the bougie bruhs.)

9. I stopped stirring the cocoa with my husband six months ago and - [I sent her straight to Dr. Jayme] Good call, Chele....Agreed. (Ladies please stop using your cocoa stirring as a reward/punishment system!

OneChele said...

True, true and yes! For the The Usual Suspects reference.

OneChele said...

Ha! Two slaps in circle?

CaliGirlED said...

"5. You stoopid" *DEAD*

CaliGirlED said...

Amen!

thinklikeRiley said...

I keep saying ya need to get ya a lil Bougie After Dark page so we can get into it. We can clear up #2 right quick - no problem. Teach one, reach one.

CaliGirlED said...

Well I expressed my disgust yesterday! All I can say is I guess Chele picked the best out of the bunch!...Ladies, for real???

I have sympathy for # 5 and #7.

To #9, unless you have a VERY RARE breed of a man, know that he's getting it from somebody else!

To #3, &itch please!!! You're getting left overs and have no right to complain! Go get your own man!

The Husky Bro said...

5. How does that work? Is that a prison groupie thing?

7. Why does something have to be wrong if you're shy?

The Husky Bro said...

I was #9. Turns out she was the one getting from somebody else. No, I don't miss her.

.tisha said...

Sorry to hear that, but I think that's the point; absent serious illness on the part of one or both partners, a time of fasting (though I don't believe even God Himself would suggest a six-month fast in this instance, and in fact the first letter to the Church at Corinth speaks against doing it [fasting] for so long that Satan is able to tempt you), or some other mutually agreed upon time of separation, most husbands or wives aren't going to sit around twiddling their thumbs while this vital part of their marriage goes ignored.

.tisha said...

Gah! LOL!!!!

CaliGirlED said...

And we wonder why some men are acting like all kinds of fools!

Jeannette said...

I always say, i'm more like your Whole Foods/Central Market type of chick. You won't find this Pomegranate/Strawberry Iced Tea at Wal-Mart. LOL. Ok bad analogy, but ya gets my drift!

Natasha Hunter said...

SMH... forget cocoa, yah'll (ok,ok... we'll) be journeying into straight fudge with that one!

The Husky Bro said...

True. You want to give the person you love the benefit of the doubt and, sometimes, when you do that, you turn a blind eye to the obvious signs.

The Husky Bro said...

but Wal-Mart always have specials on hot links and Sunny D LOL

Joycelyn said...

LOL!

The Husky Bro said...

or Tampico Punch, if Sunny D is "beneath" your palate

Natasha Hunter said...

But CaliGirlED-

Don't you kinda want to know how #5 happened?

Did he skype the proposal? Is it an arranged marriage? Was it a penitentiary pen pal?

Natasha Hunter said...

...and then I'd come with the Equate brand because there'd still a market after you got yours!

.tisha said...

Well, I'm not saying anything has to be [b]wrong[/b] per se. What I am saying is that often (read:not always, which is why I asked those leading questions as part of my answer) people are shy and/or keep to themselves because they lack confidence in a certain area. It does no good to tell a person "girl, just go out more!" or "dude, all you gotta do is..." when they can't do any of these things because something else entirely is holding them back. All I'm saying is if there IS a something, and they address that something, they stand a better chance of being able to follow all that other great advice aimed at getting them seen. And/or chose. LOL

michaeldavis said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTGdAGPDBpo

Jeannette said...

Shewwwwww i aint no Sunny D/Tampico hybrid Orange Juice, but not quite Juice/Keep Refrigerated but can keep on the shelf til 2012 type of chick. LOL

.tisha said...

I know this ALL too well. Here's to calling a spade a spade from the gate. :)

SingLikeSassy said...

1. How can I make a man fall in love with me?
Why would you even want a man you had to MAKE fall in love with you? I don't understand this question so on to number...

2. Can you ask the men to give tips on giving better (fill in the blank of several cocoa related acts here)?
*crickets*

3. Even though my man is married - [yeah, I stopped reading after that]
How in 2011 is this ish still happening? A married man is not your man. He's a cheater.

4. Can you hook me up with (insert a BnB dude's name here)?
To quote Bone from "Training Day": You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here.

5. I'm engaged to a man that I've never met face to face - [I went no further]
Is this an arranged marriage? How did this happen?

6. I'm dating my ex-s.o.'s line brother. What can I do to smooth over the situation?
Stop dating your ex-SO's line brother.

7. I don't go out much and I'm shy in public. How do I get guys to notice me? I'm invisible to them.
Get out and do more of the things you enjoy doing and smile.

8. What do you think is the best way to break up with somebody?
Honestly and in person unless you fear they will physically harm you.

9. I stopped stirring the cocoa with my husband six months ago and - [I sent her straight to Dr. Jayme]
*side-eying this right here*

10. Is there any surefire way to keep a man from cheating?
Stay single?

TreyCharles said...

You ain't even try to play with it today!

TreyCharles said...

Are we starting a petition for Bougie After Dark? Count me in.

Steve said...

Wait, wait, wait - Let us revisit #4 -who was asking?
HA!

CaliGirlED said...

Ever which way it happened, refer to Just A Thought's answer. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Sorry to hear that.

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! I loved your answer to #4!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL! I see ya Playa!

BrendaKay said...

Am I the only one who thinks TreyCharles is related to Riley in real life?

BrendaKay said...

Out of all the questions that were asked this week, #5 is the one that has me curious to know the entire story. Is this an arranged marriage, an intercultural engagement? Before I can pass any judgement on this woman's situation, we definitely need more details.

Chele, perhaps you should reconsider this question and put it out in it's entirety for the masses.

J. Jackson said...

I'm going to take a crack at these questions...

1. How can I make a man fall in love with me?
By being yourself. Men (and people in general) know when someone is putting on a "role". Granted when you first start a relationship, the first 6 months you will interact with the "representative", but you should get a sense of how that person is.

2. Can you ask the men to give tips on giving better (fill in the blank of several cocoa related acts here)?
Ugh, whoever asked this is dead a** wrong. Reading is fundamental. Just wow.

3. Even though my man is married - [yeah, I stopped reading after that]
I'm with Chele about stop reading further. I'm thinking your the side piece. My question is, why would you want to be a side piece? Why allow a man to have his cake and eat it too? (By having his wife, and being with you at the same time) Please don't say that he's going to leave his wife for you because he's not. Get.out.now. There's a man who is single that is waiting for you...

4. Can you hook me up with (insert a BnB dude's name here)?
LOL, this one is kinda cute. I felt the same way, but i'm too shy to ask. (=:

5. I'm engaged to a man that I've never met face to face - [I went no further]
Where do they do that at? Can I ask, where you "met" this person?

6. I'm dating my ex-s.o.'s line brother. What can I do to smooth over the situation?
Ugh, by breaking up with your ex-s.o.'s line brother. This situation spells MESSY. When I break up with a dude, I break up with their friends and family. Going with Pookie, and following it up with his cousin Rakwan, is not the business. Good luck on that one.

7. I don't go out much and I'm shy in public. How do I get guys to notice me? I'm invisible to them.
Wow, this sounds like me a year ago! In my case, it was a confidence thing-I lacked it. I noticed that when I stepped outside of my comfort zone and started to speak to people, it became easier to do. I would start with that first (talking to people you don't know even if it's a hello) and go from there. I found out that men like women with confidence, and they know when a woman lacks it. Good luck! (=:

8. What do you think is the best way to break up with somebody?
Be honest, and let them know how you feel. I feel honesty is the best policy. If you want to break up with someone, break up with them. Don't string them along.

9. I stopped stirring the cocoa with my husband six months ago and - [I sent her straight to Dr. Jayme]
I can't touch this one... I'm not married. I'm sure Dr. Jayme gave this person some good advice.

10. Is there any surefire way to keep a man from cheating?
No. Like I told my friends cheating is a non-negotiable for me. If you cheat, you can pack your bags because there's no get-back (or tap-back). Some women think that their brand of cocoa will keep a man from cheating, but they have to remember that new cocoa turns into old cocoa and if you bring anything else to the table besides that, well... I guess my answer would be to work on you while you're in a relationship and also when you're not in a relationship.

These are my answers, and i'm sticking to it.
*Note to the people who posed the questions, please don't take offense to my answers, i'm just being truthful.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails