Thursday, March 17, 2011

Question for the fellas: What’s up with the TapBack?

Ah yes, the TapBack... one of our BougieLand special words. Defined as the reaching out of a former S.O. usually in the form of a phone call to test the temperature in case they 1) want you back 2) just want to "tap" or 3) want to mess with your head. Le TapBack.

Ladies want to know... why do you do it, fellas? We've moved on, you've moved on and yet here you go. Generally late at night with a full moon high in the sky... yonder come the TapBack. I received forty-eight (48!!) questions about TapBack. Why does it happen? How to handle it? What if it's one tap only, no repeat performances? How to make the calls stop? And so on, and so on, and so on...

I have multiple opinions on this topic. But it's not about me. Here to share their opinions are BnB regulars Mr. Skyywalker and JasonP. I setup a quick call with the fellas and posed the question... what's up with the TapBack?
Jason: First and foremost, this is not a male phenomenon. We can't even blame the testosterone on this one.
Skyy: Matter of fact, if you really want - we can blame 80% of TapBack on the alcohol.
Me: Your answer is really blame it on the alcohol?
Skyy: If it fits...
Jason: I think I've been hit by more late night/holiday/club parking lot TapBack than I've ever dispensed.
Me: You've never made a TapBack phone call?
Jason: Didn't say that. Just said TapBack is equal opportunity.
Me: Duly noted.
Skyy: Lookie here, you're sitting there, right? A song comes on, a movie comes on, a certain scent hits your nose and you think... oh yeah, her. You dig out the cell phone scroll through to see if the number is still there and next thing you know...
Me: TapBack.
Jason: There it is. Unless it's the wonder what game.
Me: Wonder what?
Skyy: Quit actin' brand new, everybody has looked through their contacts and said, "Wonder what happened to So-and-so?"
Me: I wasn't being brand new, just getting clarification.
Jason: Uh-huh and so anyway, it's not like some sort of malicious intent. Not like we wait until we see you on the street with some other dude and say, "Oh let me call and see what's up with that?"
Skyy: Unless it is.
Jason: Okay. True. Maybe we're jealous, maybe we're lonely, maybe we need cocoa and you always poured it correctly. All the lady has to do... is not answer the phone. 
Skyy: Boom. 
Me: Simple as all that?
Jason: Men are simple creatures. Unless it gets complicated.
Skyy: See now. That right there. My last TapBack phone call was fairly innocent.
Me: Didn't you get married a few weeks back?
Skyy: Exactly. So several months back when I got engaged, I made the closure "this shop is closed for further TapBack" call. 
Jason: Why even do that?
Skyy: Preventative strike. I try to meet drama before it pulls in the driveway.
Me: How'd it go?
Skyy: Not great. I called to say I was onto the next and she was like how about one for the road?
Me: Have a nice life Tapback?
Skyy: See? Messy. 
Me: So isn't it better just not to make the call at all?
Jason: In a perfect world sure. You could walk away from people without a what if or a look back. Sometimes you look back and TapBack happens.
Me: Thank you Gentlemen. I appreciate your time.
BougieLand, what say you? Jason and Mr. Skyy making sense? Does TapBack just happen? Are you guilty of making the call (sending the text)? Is there anyway for "sex with the ex" not to be messy? Wouldn't a clean break just be better? Do you avoid these calls or answer the phone to see what's what? Inquiring minds want to know. The floor is yours...

110 comments:

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

Letting alcohol fuel your communication never works out well for anyone.

Michele said...

I'll answer the phone depending on how much time has passed. A few weeks or months? I'm not answering. An ex that I was involved with 20 years ago (yes, 20) recently reached out. I answered. We had a few phone calls and I could tell he was testing the waters but once I told him I was celibate, the phone cals promptly stopped. Problem solved.

Jubilance said...

I hate hate hate this Tapback thing with the heat of thousand fiery suns. They serve absolutely no purpose, at least in my life. I don't do do-overs, and my current life is no business of my ex's. I finally got smart and stopped answering the phone if I didn't recognize the number or new it was an ex. I've never done the Tapback, because like I said, I don't go backwards. The worst is the guy who is on that "every 6 months" Tapback schedule. I had a few ex's that would do that.

I once had an ex call me a few weeks before his wedding...not to say hi or catch-up, but to ask me to stir the cocoa with him one last time before he got married, because it was "the best cocoa he ever had" (his words).

*blink*

*sigh*

Tamika said...

My best friend and I call it The Getbacksies. You know they're probably trying to get back in your head to get back in your bed. I tell guys in the beginning that when they are ready to end whatever relationship we have, that's it. I never answer calls, texts, emails, or FB messages from former SOs. Most of the time, I've already heard through the grapevine that Mr. Tapback is getting married in 6 days, so there is no reason for contact.

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

Haha rich. Good post. I have been both a victim and an initiator of the tapback call. I honestly think that many times it is less about being messy and more about epiphany moments. Whatever it is that the other person liked about the relationship or you as a person at the time, they have made the realization that it outweighed some of the issues that they believed they had with you. I know in all of my tapback scenarios where I initiated it was me acknowledging that that person was better for me than I gave them credit for in that season of my life. It isn't a call to mess with her mind or tap that, but almost a silent admission that I took her for granted in some cases. I know the tapback can manifest drama but I think many times intent from either a man or a woman may be more sincere when that call is made.

Natasha Hunter said...

Jason and Mr. Skyy making sense?
Jason, yes, Mr Skyy... lol... it's a lil' smelly round there.

Does TapBack just happen?
Nope, usually the break isn't completely clean or there's a cocoa drought.

Are you guilty of making the call (sending the text)?
Fo' sho'.

Is there anyway for "sex with the ex" not to be messy?
Yep, import/export.

Wouldn't a clean break just be better?
Most times probably, but it's not always problematic.

Do you avoid these calls or answer the phone to see what's what?
If I know we can't be cool, because there's still "togetherness feelings" naw, I won't pick up or make a call. If we had a real solid friendship first, I'll pick up.

Gods_Man said...

That is why I have a no communication policy for any and all ex's. It was stated up front to each of my SO's and I enforce it. My bride thought I was being mean until the first time I received a tapback call after one of my ex's found out we were dating.

Trudy said...

The absolute worst tapback I experienced was someone I dated freshman year of college and had not seen or spoken to since 1999 contacted me in 2009. Yes. Ten years. The relationship was not even that serious, though it was pleasant for a while. He told me that was the most in love he has ever been. (A total lie...he was engaged and the engagement was called off 3 months prior to him contacting me. I suspected he did a life review and saw all of his friends were married and started reviewing his exes. Men get "nesty" too.)

I informed him that I had no interest in him and no interest in being "friends" because I do not use that word in vain. Friends are REAL to me, not people on "lists" and people faded from the past. He of course got mad, called me insults bla bla bla. I wished him well and moved on with my life.

The best way to deal with these things: do not pick up the phone, answer the text, reply to the tweet or read the email. Period. No exceptions. That is how I deal with it now. Works well. Thus, the only idiots I have to deal with now are total strangers who start the cyberstalking process that I've mapped out like a science. I can tell who will attempt it versus who won't with fairly good precision now, so I block before they can even get far now.

Entitlement, alcohol, arrogance, loneliness and jealousy spark these tapbacks. Rarely is it genuine love. I have no time for it.

Good post, very interesting and I never new the actual term "tapback" until now lol.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Very interesting. I have another question. Is the tap back ALL/ONLY about the cocoa? For me, if I'm still feeling you in that way, but I've haven't seen hide nor hair of you, you best believe I'm going to suck it up and leave my phone alone. No need to wound my pride and go chasing for it.

But, there are times when I genuinely am curious to see what's going on with that person. It's mostly about being nosy, and less about wanting to get with that person. And really, there are only two people who I care enough about their personhood that I'd even want to know if life is treating them well (and conversely, would be sad if they were going through it. The rest of them kneegrows? I wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire.)

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Sometimes. But, if a person doesn't even want to resolve some of the issues that lead to the drama that led to the breakup, it is a waste of time and extremely messy.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Another question for the fellas? What's up with the tapback scheduled curiously close to your engagement/wedding? Seriously, you already know who you want to spend your life with, and it ain't me. You aren't going to call it off regardless of what happens with me, and frankly, if I were the type to start drama, why give me the slightest impression that I'm on your mind when it should be focused on another woman? Or, and this has been the case most often - what makes you think that, no matter how many of your attempts to get out of the friend zone I've rebuffed in the past, that news of your engagement/nuptials will suddenly make me swoon with realization that you and I should date/stir cocoa and that I need to make that happen RIGHTNOW when another woman is wearing your ring? UGH. If I wasn't interested when you were single, I'm definitely not interested now that you have your franchise player. Kthxbye

J. Jackson said...

I've been a victim of the tapback, but not by my own doing. Seems the ex-SO decided to call my then best friend to call me on three way. Can we say awkward? It's not cute or amusing when someone calls you drunk trying to get back with you. Needless to say it didn't work, and the so-called best friend was cut loose about 6 months later...

Tapbacks to me = messy. Like @Jubilance said, I don't go backwards, I go forwards. If for whatever reason we break up, there's no chance in hell that we will get back together.

Penny said...

If you broke my heart, then I do not want to communicate with you. If enough time has passed, I will have moved on-and I will hope that you are doing well-from afar. No good (for me) can come from you wanting to reach out and maybe touch. If I broke your heart, then in all likelihood, you do not want to communicate with me. And I certainly do not want to give you false hope for something that can not happen.

Jasmin said...

I was wondering the same thing. I had an ex who tried to "tapback" (by phone) for longer than we were together. Dude would call/text every holiday, university vacation, family member's birthday...you get the idea. In that case, I was annoyed because I knew he was having doubts about his plan to sow his wild oats (the reason why he broke up with me in the first place). I gave him a speech about a relationship not being like a tape recorder (can't press pause and all that), but I don't think his primary focus was a booty call. Does that still count as a tapback?

Natasha Hunter said...

What makes people feel tap-back so drama-centric? Not every break-up is centered around drama, so I'm aiight with someone calling every now and then to say what's up. I consider myself a cool person to know so it's like, why wouldn't you wonder what's up with me? I guess I just see things differently. Everytime one of my ex SOs hits me up I'm not cutting my eyes at the phone or clutching at my heart because, yeah I know I'm cool like that and you aren't gonna find me just any ole' where. Plus, I'm in control of this and you can only get what I give, sometimes we overthink a phone call. So for me, yep we can shoot the breeze... "Uh huh, oh yeah, yep we used to crack up watchin' Martin... I know right? Those tacos at Little Tiajuana used to be on point. No, I haven't been back... ha ha you crazy, but yeah I gotta go this meeting..." We're still cool, my ego got it's little boost and the day goes on...

Mr. Analytical said...

I am a notorious tapbacker. I didn't know there was a term for it till now and I'll explain why I have done it, no justification, just explanation.

1) I liked you. If I liked you at one time, definitely if I loved you, I still genuinely wonder how you are doing. I've been on the receiving end of tapbacks and when the women tell me what's going on in their lives, I offer feedback and encouragement. Damn nice guy syndrome.

2) Revisitation. Oftentimes, yeah, I was testing the water to see if we could relive some old memories by making new ones. There's a reason we're apart but there was also a reason we were together. This is an attempt to enjoy the good and avoid the bad (cake anyone?). It can be very selfish if both parties aren't on board.

3) Ego. No matter who the man is or what stage in his life he's in, monogamous relationship, engaged, married 15+ years, men still like to flirt. It's "easier" to flirt with someone with whom you have history and common funny stories/experiences. IF the woman is receptive and engages you then you get to have your ego stroked a little bit without having to worry about having a drink thrown in your face when you say, "girl, your ass is ridiculous," or have your wife say, "you can kiss my ass for not taking out that trash last night."

Overall tapbacks are fueled by curiosity. Perhaps women are less interested in it for if a certain amount of time passes the tapback dude is no different than ol boy on the street hollering, "Shawty!"? You know what his intentions are. I do believe there will always be an element of sexual longing or curiosity involved in a tapback because we dudes are, shall we say, driven. Other times, it is as Trudy said, a "life review." Lastly, sometimes it's just plain ol curiosity. Hell Jill Scott won a grammy singing about tapback thoughts. I'm sure we've all been there and done that at some time.

Natasha Hunter said...

Upon rereading the description of tap-back I see that it's got a negative connotation based off of definition 2) & 3) lol... I get it now.

superwoman said...

ugh. tapback. the bane of my bloody existence! i really, really wish men didn't do this. i get this WAY too much - once, it happened with two different exes within a two day period! ugh! what is it about "I'M DONE" is not being understood here?

Superwoman said...

this kills me every time!! do you know how dodgy you look trying to holler a mere three weeks before your wedding? good god, man - get it together!!

Jason P said...

Truth.

Jason P said...

A thousand fiery suns? LMAO!

Jason P said...

Yep - it could be a sincere "hey how you doing" no harm intended call.

Jason P said...

Too kind.

Jason P said...

Smart man.

Jason P said...

Not always about getting a stir on. Could be just a whazzup, could be a reach out cuz they miss you too.

Jason P said...

The best friend broke eleventy million homegirl rules with that one.

Jason P said...

*fist bump*

Jason P said...

Sorry to say sometimes the tapback call is not about you, it's about the dude. Even if you told him to play in traffic, if you're on his mind, he's gonna reach out.

All Honey said...

TapBack has kicked me in my ass. I did the drink and dial. Ex came over. Cocoa happened. Both of us got all whipped up because oft he hot and bubbly cocoa. Completely confused that as a fix for all the other shiggity that went wrong before and decided to try again. Cocoa good, every thing else steaming bowls of shiggty. Took another month to get out of that and in retrospect Not. Worth. It.
No more tapback for Honey.

thinklikeRiley said...

Riley don't look back. Riley don't do do-overs. Next!

blackprofessor said...

I didn't know there was a term for this phenomenon until now. If we dated seriously, were in a relationship or stirred the cocoa, I don't consider that a tapback. I call those check-in calls and those are cool in my book.

My problem are the dudes who you might have gone out with three times, they disappear and then want to tapback! WDDDA?? I met this guy and we hit it off immediately! Our first date lasted 6 hours and our second date lasted 5 hours. The chemistry was there and then he disappeared after the second date. I called him and when he didn't respond, I left it alone. Six months later I got a text from him at 3 AM saying "I am sorry I dropped off the face off the earth"!!! When I saw it the next day, I had to text back like "Who are you??"

Fellas, this is not a GOOD look! If men are supposed to be the logical, rational and reasonable creates, the disappearing act doesn't make any sense to me as a woman. I tell my single guy friends that if you think there might be a chance in hell that you will be interested in this woman in the future, say or do something other than just disappearing. Give some type of explanation so that if you do return, she will be willing to hear you. Otherwise, you will get played!

Superwoman said...

i suppose you're right... *deep sigh* it's still sooo very irritating, though!! one even had the nerve to propose!! we haven't spoken in a full year, and you come back with a proposal VIA PHONE CALL??? crikey! ironically, he's the only ex i've ever had where it ended on such bad terms that i stopped talking to him.

i'm fine with all my other exes - we maintain cordially friendly relationships - but that's all i really want from them. when they start wandering into..."so can i come over" phone call at 10pm, is when i lose patience.

blackprofessor said...

That should say creatures instead of creates.

OneChele said...

I just made up the term. I thought it needed a phrase all of it's own.

TreyCharles said...

I like the term. I'm completely guilty of this. Gotta agree with Jason - if the lady isn't interested just don't pick up that phone. Once you say hello I assume you're willing to get got. C'mon ma, you saw it was me calling and you answered. That's all the opening I need.

SingLikeSassy said...

My high school boyfriend and college boyfriend both did the "what's going on, I haven't heard from you in X years, how ya living" tapback. We chat or email occasionally now. And actually, it has been interesting to hear their takes on the current day me, vs. the little girl me and to catch up on their lives.

I do not do tapbacks however. If I'm wondering how someone is doing, I just keep on wondering. I'm good.

And drunk dial tapbacks offend me. Oh your azz been missing for how long, but now you think Imma let you roll up and through and ON me in the middle of the night? *sucks teeth* Whateva. *silence phone, delete any messages*

OneChele said...

Le Ouch! Lesson learned...

OneChele said...

Mr. A said "notorious tapbacker" y'all

OneChele said...

I'm lowkey more ticked at the friend than the ex!

OneChele said...

iCan't with 20 y/o tapback... girl what did you do to that man? ;-)

baileyqc said...

Exactly why I hate the tapback.

MariSol said...

So a tapback is not always a booty call? Or a booty call is not always a tapback?

Mr. Skyywalker said...

For a booty call to be a tapback, you would have been in a relationship with the caller before.
For a tapback to be a booty call, they have to be calling for booty.
Now I'm sounding like a tapbackologist... SMDH

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I like this answer!

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I see you bruh.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Like how you say "Cocoa happened" like you two accidentally fell naked on top each other. BWAHAHA

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Notorious T.A.P.?

Mr. Analytical said...

lol, yes I did. Should I brace myself for a stoning?

Mr. Skyywalker said...

That's dodgy as hell.

Jeannette said...

Nowadays a tapback comes in the form of a Facebook friend request... No thanks and "decline friend request".

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Hey wait a minute

Mr. Skyywalker said...

The ex calling for one last swirl needs his ass kicked

Mr. Skyywalker said...

That's two decades. 1/5 of a century. She made a hell of an impression

OneChele said...

Ha! From me? Sweet as I am ;-)
No, I think it's hilarious.

David Chase said...

One of my New Year's resolutions - Live in the present. Past is past and future not promised. All I got is right now.

Grace said...

No Country for Social Media tapback!

Jeannette said...

Ok!? i don't have the wherewithal (i like using that word) lol

Troy said...

Chele - Anthony David has a song that's a tapback anthem - it's called Cold Turkey

OneChele said...

Yes! And points for the Anthony David reference. Love. Him!

Pure Choco said...

Dead at "tapbackologist"

JohnKinPDX said...

I gotta roll with Riley on this one

Mr. Analytical said...

Live on Black n Bougie I present to you The Notorious T.A.P. known for such monstrous hits as "More Tapping, More Problems," "One More Tap," "The Ten Tap Commandments," "Tapping You Tonight," and many, many more!

::diddy voice:: "tap back, tap back, tap back. eh eh"

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll take my place in the Corny Corner...

J B said...

For about a ten year period, every June there'd be at least three men that I had left in the past (mostly former friends, rarely anyone I've dated) who would try to come back into my life. No kidding. EVERY JUNE. It still amazes me.

Man's World said...

Hahahahaha! FTMFW

Penny said...

"If men are supposed to be the logical, rational and reasonable creates, the disappearing act doesn't make any sense to me as a woman. I tell my single guy friends that if you think there might be a chance in hell that you will be interested in this woman in the future, say or do something other than just disappearing. Give some type of explanation so that if you do return, she will be willing to hear you. Otherwise, you will get played! " Dead!!

Man's World said...

He's mad talented and totally slept on

Jasmin said...

The exact same thing happened to me! (Except dude called at 3AM while I was on the phone with my boyfriend.) So awkward...

Steve said...

Guilty. What can I say - it happens.

rochee said...

Nothing good comes of 90 percent of tapbacks...I personally think exes should keep it moving. It is over for are a reason.

Bunni said...

Let the church say AMEN!!!

GrownAzzMan said...

This right here ---> "Yep, import/export."

GrownAzzMan said...

*fist bump*

GrownAzzMan said...

Imma keep this simple cause I don't have much time. If you don't want to be TAP'd don't answer the phone/return the text or email. Thus endeth the lesson.

CaliGirlED said...

And this is why I don't delete numbers, I need to know who's calling.

CaliGirlED said...

"...tapbackologist" *buried next to Choco*

CaliGirlED said...

So I can assume from this comment that I am not the only one disgusted by 48 questions regarding tapback!

blackprofessor said...

Caligirl,
Depending on who it is, I give them a name "Do not answer!"

William Martin said...

And will probably happen again. Wil shrug. A man will get away with as (or as little) as a woman lets him get away with. *ducks and flees BougieLand*

BrendaKay said...

No CaliGirl, you're not the only one... :-l

CaliGirlED said...

Brenda I'm just sayin, Chele has to be the greatest writer in the world cause she has taken FOUR unnecessary questions and turned them into good posts! Come on ladies!!!

BTW: Sweet Little Lies is the business!!! You go Chele!

.tisha said...

This was hilarious! LOL!

As for the questions...I don't believe anything ever "just happens" between two adults. You might not have planned it, but.....you also didn't run from it, or makes move to avoid it altogether. “It just happened” is never a plausible defense in my world.

On the receiving end of the Tapback? Just.Don't.Answer.The.Phone. Or, if you do answer it, don't sit up and"ha-ha" and "kee-kee" with them when they say something that makes you feel all sunny inside if you know you’re not going to be entertaining them. If you're not feeling them be done. Nothing at all gets better from dragging it out when it has clearly run its natural course—even if it might feel that way for the moment.

On the initiating end? Don't do it. If you want that "old thang back" be straight up. That will net you way more respect, IMO.

.tisha said...

You know what? You ain't never lied! That's why women need to set standards (read:not lists, but behaviors they know they can't tolerate) and stick to them. *ducking and fleeing with you because someone probably won't like that. LOL*

Leopard_Print_Pumps said...

Absolutely slept on. Some folks wouldn't know good music if it hit them on the forehead and knocked them down. He has a new album supposedly coming out next Tuesday-"As Above, So Below"

.tisha said...

And the church said "amen."

BrendaKay said...

After the day that I've had, this was the laugh I desperately needed. Thanks Mr. Analytical. :-)

mojitochica said...

Hah, just don't answer if you don't recognize the number.

.tisha said...

Ikr? Like, in what universe is THAT okay? I don't know what part of the game that is. Good riddance to THAT *highschoolactin'crazybehind* bestie!

.tisha said...

And this, America, is why so many people are soured on the institution of marriage. THIS cat wasn't even married yet, and is about to kill it before it can start. Gah.

So many people would do better to say "You know what, boo? I don't wanna marry you because I'm going to eff that up eventually, but what I WILL do is love you, or at least give you *my* version of that, for a long time, or as long as you'll have my broke-down behind." Just be honest about it, you know? Ugh. And this goes for both men AND women; men just seem to catch the brunt of the ire with this one, but women are not exempt either.

I hope you told him to kick rocks, J! LOL <---but no, really.

rozb said...

She should have kicked him in his rocks.

rozb said...

The whole Facebook "ICan'tBelieveIFoundYouOnFaceBookOhMyGodIt'sBeenAges!" tapback is not something grown folks should be doing. It's one thing to find an old friend, or a long lost relative, but the dude who says "If I knew how fine you was gonna turn out to be, I woulda never let you go, girl!" Boy - BYE.

If I can't get my old 30 year-old physique back, then you shouldn't be able to tapback me or anybody else. And guess what - I am not getting that body back. Not even if I did P90X in my sleep. So stop the tapback.

Seriously - what goes through someone's head they have to contact you to try to rekindle some old flames, or get some last minute Quaker Wild Oats? Not a good look...

J. Jackson said...

The hell? Wow, people are bold! I'm glad that you blasted him. Just wow...

J. Jackson said...

@Jason: Yup, she broke EVERY homegirl rule, that's why she's an ex and not a current... LOL
@.tisha: LOL. Can you just image the horror of hearing someone drunk and slurring their words doing the "baby, baby pleeeeaaasssseee". Not.OK.
@Chele: Oh it's funny NOW. Actually that wasn't the worst part, she said, "You should give him another chance." This was AFTER I found out he was a father. I asked her, "So if you found out the guy you were dating out of thin air tells you, I have a son, would you stay with him?" Her response, "No." My response to her, "So why should I?" I had to scratch my head for a good 20 minutes after that conversation...

Natasha Hunter said...

And I guess for the one woman who admits to doing the tapback "A woman will get away with as much (or as little) as a man lets her get away with." *Not ducking or fleeing.*

Jubilance said...

He got an epic curse out, and then so did an ex-friend who gave him my # in the first place. Trust me, I was amused or flattered that he called, I was disgusted & I couldnt believe he did that.

Sangali said...

Not to be mean, but with your history, you shouldn't. Move FORward! The best is ahead of you.

CaliGirlED said...

I have a long list of do not answer. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

I don't answer those either! (Different ring for unknown numbers).

Brneyed1 said...

I know I'm coming late to the party, but have to share this Tapback Classic. Dude showed up AT MY MOMMA'S HOUSE!! Big ridunckulous (not a mispelling y'all) bouquet in hand. My momma let Fool in, made coffee, and they had a 2-hour convo about me! Then she calls me--WHILE HE'S SITTING THERE--sounding all school-girl giddy, to tell me Fool is there and that I should come over!!

Since I couldn't very well curse out my own momma, I had hard time finding respectful words to explain to her that this reunion was not gonna happen. Moms thinks--to this day probably--that Fool is "the one that got away." *sigh* If she only knew...

Mr. Analytical said...

I had to come back to this post because I believe commenting on it yesterday jinxed me.

Me and this woman did not end on a good note. No need for details, it was just bad and abrupt. I took her number out my phone (which is saying something for the Notorious T.A.P.) and I was done. This happened during the Summer of 2009 and I was perfectly happy to never see or speak with her again. Anyway, she called me yesterday and while I recognized the number, I couldn't be absolutely sure who the hell it was. I'm originally from NY and it was an NYC exchange but whatever, I ignored it. No voicemail left, cool. Then there was a second attempt very soon after. I ignored that one as well but then I got to thinking. Since I suspected it was her, I thought "hmmm...is this a "bad news" call like the ones Chris Rock described in Bigger and Blacker?" http://bit.ly/gzy1x1 I actually called back (big mistake, damn tapbacker that I am). Apparently she had been out drinking for St. Patrick's day (knowing there isn't a drop of O'Whatshername or McDamnyou, in her body) and low and behold she decided to call me. W.T.F.? I was pissed when I first spoke to her, on some DMX and Sisqo type mess ("WTF you want? etc...) and she wanted to exchange pleasantries like our last communications weren't seething. Turns out she needed closure. I needed to know how much in love with me she was, how wrong I was not to explore things with her, how hurt she was, and that she thought of me from time to time. I said very little. I'm over it, I let her get the closure she needed. I'm not sure why she didn't call her man during her drunk dialing (yes she let me know she has a man) but that's not my concern, that's between her and him. I hope this closure sticks for her and that there are no further attempts to pry the nails out of the coffin.

The next time I come across a topic like this, not only will I not comment, I'm not even gon read it. I want y'all to come clean, which one of you contacted Miss Jeanette from True Blood to put the whammy on me? C'mon, you can tell me. I promise I'm not mad at you; I just need closure!

CaliGirlED said...

Yeah mama needed a "harsh mama talkin to" for that one! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

"Since I suspected it was her, I thought "hmmm...is this a "bad news" call like the ones Chris Rock described in Bigger and Blacker?" http://bit.ly/gzy1x1 I actually called back (big mistake, damn tapbacker that I am)."...You asked for it, you got it! LOL

Mr. Analytical said...

Brenda I'm very happy that I could help. I hope your Friday is better than your Thursday.

.tisha said...

Yeah....I gotta roll with CaliGirlED on this one....whydja call back?!No country for calling folk backwhen you already have the gut feeling this won't end well! LOL

.tisha said...

OMG! This happened to me, too! Back when I was still married to boot!

Problem with my mom is, EVERYone loves her! Everyone. So this ex (and when I say "ex" I mean more than 10 years removed between me and this cat) just showed up at my mom's house one day, figuring he'd be well received because my mother always treated him well. Must have been a holiday, too, because my then husband and I and some other family were right next door at my Grandfather's house. Phone rings,I answer, Moms says to come right over. I'm thinking she needs me to help bring more food next door but no. No, no, no. My ex was sitting there at the dining room table, taum bout "Heeeeey! Give me a hug!"

#no

And he wasn't even the one my mom thinks got away! Gah! I'ma need her to start being more mean. Stat. LOL

Nadette said...

I was following, and nodding my head, and agreeing with these gentlemen UNTIl Skyy mentioned the "closure" preventive* tapback call. UM, SIR...I call shiggity. You were already in a seriuos relationship, so why would there be a need for "closure" with "Ms. One for the road" ? Your need to establish "shop is closed" indicated that shop was previously opened for business? under the table? I'm just sayin. And what about just keeping it simple, and not answer her calls, as you so eloquently consigned to? #justsayin. Boom!
*preventative isn't actually a word--had a professor lambaste me on that one a few years ago--spread the love

cocoaeyecandy said...

Can we shout out the bougieland man for rocking it this week? And hi-five Chele for making it fun. Y'all know these could've been Ratchetassness 101 round here.

cocoaeyecandy said...

I'm stealing that and pasting it up on my mirror.

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One Chele said...

Even worse: a repeat tap-back offender that will not tell that he is engaged/married/living with a woman. Dude, you can't be single for longer than two minutes, and your ex FWB/rebound friend posts all your bizness on her news feed as, I dunno, some kind of subliminal jab. Miss me with all of that.

One Chele said...

Ugh! I have an ex just like this. Hits me with the tapback call talking about he left the wife and it's all about me. As he's talking I see his jump-off girlfriend post a FB update about how good he gave it to her the night before. And this ninja still married. No. sir. He got cussed, deleted and put on FB blast in the same night.

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