Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Following up on the "Just a Kiss" Saga...


Continuing our follow-up this week, who remembers Elise? Caught her husband playing tonsil hockey with another woman in a Buckhead Bistro. He said it was "Just a kiss and kissing isn't cheating." All hell broke loose in the comments and then I followed up with a post about flirting - when does it cross a line? More hell in the comments section. As a matter of fact, the good folks of BougieLand made Jayme so angry, she added a whole section to her pre-marital counseling sessions on flirting. 

Anyway, I caught up with Elise a week ago. Initially, she asked Ben to move out. They don't have children and she said she'd had enough. He left. But since then, he has moved back in and they have decided to stay together. I asked if she moved him back in with stipulations; i.e., no more random broads that you may or may not be cheating with. She said, "No, I didn't want to draw up rules. I just wanted things to get back to normal. I know you're disappointed and don't agree with my decision, but it's for the best. It's what I want. When I took these vows, I said forever. I have to respect the ring."

Well, I wasn't disappointed in her. I was disappointed for her. She and Ben have been on this roller coaster ride for so long, I feel she's not getting the best that marriage has to offer. But what do I know? Can I be just brutally honest here? Of course I can... I think she's staying with Ben because it's the easy thing to do.

To me, it's almost as if she's just decided to turn a blind-eye to whatever Ben does as long as he stays and her life stays the same. 

Then again, I don't know her heart. Maybe Ben is the love of her life. Lord KNOWS I've done some straight stupid stuff for the guy I considered to be the love of mine. Put up with more shiggity out of "love" than I care to ever (forever, ever) admit to. So maybe I could walk into a restaurant and see my husband passionately kissing a woman and get past it. Maybe I could separate from him eight (8!) times in twelve years and keep going back for more.

Um... no I couldn't. Not at this point in life. When you've been to the circus a few times, you just don't put up with the clown shiggity that easily. But that's my life. If she's happy, all I can do is be happy for her. But Ben will get the laser beam side-eye of bouge forever more out of me.

What say you, BougieLand? Could you be in a marriage with someone you suspected was on the creep? Isn't fidelity, honesty and trust part of "respecting the ring" too? This one has been a bit perplexed, I'd love to hear your opinion. The floor is yours...

81 comments:

happinessisme said...

If he's bold enough to be kissing other chicks and his wife is cool with it, he's bold enough to do it again. And more. . Fellas, what say you?

Michele said...

For some folks, infidelity is not a deal breaker. I am NOT one of those folks. I feel bad for Elise because the way I see it, she is staying in something that is bad for her purely out of FEAR. She thinks she doesn't have any other options. Starting over is scary but if she would just take that step she'll realize how strong she really is and be able to make it through.

Lisalis said...

I don't think there's anything anyone could say that would make a difference with this wife or her husband. I feel for both of them. Relationships can be so much joy and can be such a blessing when both parties are committed, courageous and mature.

I'm remembering all the foolishness I put up with in the past. I'm thankful that I finally had a mirror put in my face so I could see my sorry self. I'm praying I'm wise enough not to do that crazy mess again.

For those of us who have been in these "head in the sand" situations, what did it take for us to leave?

Mony_Mony said...

Fidelity, honesty and trust are key components of respecting the ring. If you don't have trust you need to either work on rebuilding that trust or end the relationship. It sounds like Elise is just burying her head in the sand. Denial =/= trust. I'm all about the sanctity of marriage and marrying for life, but it sounds like he's already broken those vows...

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I know my single, never-been-married opinion don't mean a hill of beans to married folk, but good maud I can't cosign this.

OSHH said...

I agree and may I add when you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than that.

Bianca said...

I'm so sick of this " respect the ring phrase". Did he respect the ring? I think it's so much easier to stay with a cheater than it is to leave, but I couldn't do it. I have a hard time forgiving and forgeting and when it would happen again I'd feel like I wasting time I could have been using to get over the fool.

tiffanyinhouston said...

See I don't like when folks don't tell ALL of the story.

This right here is some straight bullshit: "Maybe I could separate from him eight (8!) times in twelve years and keep going back for more.

Elise KNEW she wasn't leaving when she wasted her time, keystrokes sending that email.

She's about that drama and I'm mad that all of the BougieFabulous wasted time giving her any modicum of sensible advice. She can miss me with all that.

If she wants to live a soap opera, so be it. If she likes it, I love it.

tiffanyinhouston said...

I'm married and I AIN'T cosigning this bullshit!!!!

aishao1122 said...

Le Sigh Where do I start? Elise, your not only putting your heart at risk to be broken by a man who doesn't respect you enough to stand by the vows he took in front of the DIVINE and your family and firends, but your putting your health at risk too. If he can't be honest with you, and cheats what makes you think he'll be honest about other things, like I don't know his HIV status??
You caught him for a reason, this is the universe's attempt to wale you up. Clinging to him because of fear,means your missing out on one Hell of a life, with the real love of your life. Spinning your wheels, and staying in this jacked up situation just so you can say your someone's wife, makes no sense. Stop living with and in fear, and walk with divine grace girlie, and leave and don't go back.
I have only been cheated on ONCE but that was all it took for me to stop settling just so I could say I was a girlfriend, fiancée, then wife. It was hard as heck to walk away from the five years of building a life together, and I was pissed that I could judge someone sooo wrongly. I did it, despite, my "friends" telling me to stay, despite the old ladies in the church saying "this is just a test, and the devil is a liar,he's a good man who messed up and God's going to love you more for forgiving him, and working through it, than for taking the easy road and leaving him"' O_o ( one of those ladies was the pastor's wife, He routinely cheats on her with the women of the church==> reason I left this black church, Hypocrisy from the top, and BS from the "church folks").

I was alone for a while, where i had to learn my own boundaries, standards, desires, and non-negotiable needs of a relationship; but then I met the right people, the right friends, and a better church, I lost a few good friends who choose to stand beside him instead, but that's ok because now he's married and his true colors have come out, as he cheated on his wife and she stayed and is dealing with him and the fallout. meanwhile I have non of that drama, and I'm more than well loved, it's a good place to be

Whatever your decision, make sure it's the right one for YOU, and not the 'easy' one
Be Blessed

Penny said...

If you think you can't leave, then you can't.

Penny said...

Meant to say if you think you can't leave, then you don't.

Shondriette said...

This post makes me sad and angry. I want to shake some sense into Elise but I know it wouldn't work. Elise is living the life that she think she deserves and until she makes better choices that's all she'll be stuck with. There's nothing that can be done for her other than prayer and encouraging her to be tested for STDs.

Lady4Real said...

Could you be in a marriage with someone you suspected was on the creep? Isn't fidelity, honesty and trust part of "respecting the ring" too?

Hello Bougieland, long time no see (one week actually but it feels like forever). I can so go in on this post right here but I'll try to keep it brief. I could not be in a marriage with someone I suspected creeping without their being a serious outside influence, I speak from experience. I stayed in my previous marriage because of a serious outside influence but eventually determined that all the stress from the mess of my marriage was slowly killing me (stomach issues, weight issues, all kinds of aliments from stressing) I choose life over death and ditched him. The foundation of marriage is fidelity, honesty and trust, without these things you have nothing, no scaredness, no bond, no vows. I have some friends who are in and who have stayed in some foul relationships because of their fear of being alone, fear of something new or fear of admitting failure and it's really sad and saddening. We all enter this world alone and we leave it the same, it's sad that we forget about this and live so much of our lives for others or wanting to be with others when they aren't good for us.

I hope Elise either gets the courage to break away or Ben opens his eyes and zippens his fly and begins to take his marriage seriously.

Lady4Real said...

Are twins?? Your story is so much like mine. Church folk telling me to pray and fast more and God will help me. Everything was 'it's a test', just hold on for your change to come". I lost friends too, because he was the weaker one and needed their help more. I chucked deuces to them, him, and the church and have never been happier.

Lady4Real said...

Dang Tiffany, you went in. I feel you girl!

Lady4Real said...

I'm married and I damn sure ain't co-signing. Mess is mess, married or single. Cowardice is cowardice, married or single.

Lady4Real said...

looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection. Tired of the tears, pain and feeling stupid. At some point enough becomes enough. When my family and friends ran out of words to say or things to do to help me feel better or get better, it was time for me to just.do.better.

Lady4Real said...

I meant to say, Are we twins??

soldier said...

Elise is getting what she wants. She is married to the ring NOT the man.

(Shrugs shoulders), I hope you one day find the strength to say: 'I've got to respect me not a piece of metal and stop trying to live out a contract which has expired to everyone else except you.

Good luck.

SingLikeSassy said...

Hello. My name is SingLikeSassy and my husband is a cheater and we are getting divorced. So the answer to your question is no, I wouldn't stay married to someone who is cheating.

I WOULD, however, try to work through issues with a spouse who had cheated if they were contrite and begging and willing to do the work to repair the marriage, rebuild the trust etc. A lot of times cheaters have character flaws that make them unable to do the work required (which is often why they cheat -- it's easier than working on their issues and/or the relationship) and that's why so many people end up divorced. IMO.

I think this young lady is putting her head in the sand. And I understand. Trust me, I am scared to be divorced and dating again. I read Bougie Bachelorette tales and hear the stories from my single friends about the many many many frogs they are kissing on their way to finding real love.

But, despite the fact that the love of my life hurt me deeply, I still believe. I know I will have a real true love relationship with someone as committed to me as I am to them. Someone who will respect me and our marriage and won't stray. Someone committed to the marriage enough to work on it when we hit potholes as all relationships inevitably do.

I wish this young lady wanted that enough for herself that she wouldn't stay in that half-ass marriage. Sigh.

AndreaPlaid said...

The only thing I want to ask Elise comes from _Living Out Loud_: "What are you so afraid of that Ben is a better option?"

Jubilance said...

There's no way I could stay in a marriage where I knew my spouse was stepping out. That seems counter-productive for both parties. Clearly he doesn't want to really work on & be devoted to the marriage, so why have one party try to save it when the other party doesn't want to?

I wonder if Elise simply doesn't want the "stigma" of divorce, or is simply afraid of being alone. The fact that they've separated 8 times in 12 years clearly shows that the situation isn't working for her, yet for whatever she doesn't have the strength or ability to walk away completely.

CorettaJG said...

You know, after fighting for my marriage (no infidelity though) my opinions on this have gotten less black and white.

If a couple can soberly make a decision to battle through something so difficult and come to the other side in one piece (not abused and beat down but as "normal" as they can be), I'm not going to knock them. It really is the ultimate "for better or for worse" and only they have to live in that relationship.

For me, I see cheating as a deal breaker (and honestly attempted murder). How could I ever trust you again? How do you or I know that your filth isn't going to kill me? It is the ultimate betrayal on so many levels.

However, there are plenty of people who have gotten through infidelity. Whether it's the lady at church or it's Cookie and Magic, Bill and Hillary, Cosby and Camille, Denzel and Pauletta. From the outside looking in, these are not women who seem desperate or like they are just clinging out of fear. A friend from law school just revealed that her husband of 29yrs has been cheating and may have a baby on the way (if it turns out it's his and not the other woman's husband o_O). She told him to move out, quit seeing the woman and get counseling, but she hasn't immediately dropped divorced papers. I don't think it's bc she just wants to married, it's because she loves him, they've been married through ups and downs, kids and jobs, he's her best friend and husband.

I know that I would tell my girlfriend that I don't think a cheating husband is God's best for her and that she deserves so much more, but if they figure out how to make the marriage work, I'm going to keep my facial expressions together and keep an eye on her and a harder eye on him. The pathological lying that often comes with cheating may be the final nail in the coffin but I'll be there either way.

tiffanyinhouston said...

I wish I could like 1000 trillion.

Moabmu said...

For Elise - you must have respect for yourself (self-love, self-worth, self-esteem, ALL'A THAT) before you can respect some damn inanimate object/symbol (the ring); furthermore, the same self-respect I mentioned before must be possessed before your husband will EVER have even a minuscule amount of respect for you. When and if you become tired of being sick and tired with your cheating/flirting/being seen out in public with some random broad husband, perhaps you'll muster the strength and courage to leave.

My answer to the question - NO, I couldn't/wouldn't remain married to a habitual cheater. Real marriages are built on respect, love, trust, fidelity, honor, honesty, etc...not this obvious 'arrangement' that Ben and Elise have. Marriage is hard work in and off itself without 'free radicals' adding extra issues. I love and respect MYSELF entirely too much to be involved in half-baked, drama filled shenanigans.

Lady4Real said...

I totally agree with you. I've been cheated on before and made it to the other side, because he was willing to work with me, we eventually broke up just because we weren't meant to be together forver but we are still good friends. Infidelity is a female dog. Being sincerely apologetic, willing to work and keeping the lines of communication open can make a world of change. My ex-husband got the axe because he wasn't willing to accept what he had done, stop doing what he was doing or work on us. Honestly I was willing to forgive (never forget though) and honor my vows, but a marriage is two people not one, so it didn't work with just me fighting for it and working on it. But 8 seperations in 12 years, that's insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting a change.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

She sounds like my grand-aunt - married for over 5 decades to a complete lout. You name the transgression, he did it constantly. Now she's stuck looking after his Alzheimer's-having child-hood regressing self.

When asked, she couldn't give a straight answer why she didn't ditch the zero decades before. I suspect it's a mixture of fear and 'used to' - fear of starting over and growing used to the b.s. over the years. Screw the ring; I want no part of such an arrangement. No sah!

digital eve said...

I hope she's reading cuz I think you're right Chele. It IS the easy thing to do, but it is also the comfortable and habitual thing to do.

Someone once told me that comfort and habit are harder to get rid of than addiction is...in this case it applies well. He WILL do it again, she WILL take him back again, and their lives will continue on. Don't use the ring as an excuse because you're too afraid to admit that you have decided to condone his cheating. Call it what it is. I don't wish them good luck, because it's the bad times that will hopefully get her to wake up.

She does not value herself enough, and she probably thinks she's too old/past her prime/tired to start over again. No one ever is! But I hope she believes that for herself someday.

digital eve said...

I agree she's "cried wolf" one too many times.

digital eve said...

Wow! Amazing story. Congrats to you :) I'm glad you realized the "test" was not staying with him, it was staying with yourself. I'm happy for you, and I hope Elise finds courage in your words.

rozb said...

I would rather smooch some frogs than out up with some humiliating and potentially dangerous shiggity. Perhaps Elise needs to know her worth and demand the respect and kind of relationship she needs.

digital eve said...

I think in this case though, Elise is willing to work on it, but he has already checked out. The situations you describe may be different because BOTH parties are working to get it together...in this case Elise is merely enabling behaviour that will not change, because HE is not willing to change.

rozb said...

Elise is afraid of having one side of the bed cold at night, and perhaps eating and living alone. Take it from someone who has lived alone most of her adult life - it ain't that hard. Elise needs to start being introspective and taking care of herself.

Now - I hope she hasn't told a lot of folks about his crap because now there is an extra layer of garbage heaped on top of what she is already dealing with because friends and family may not have much respect for her (she keeps doing this and then letting him back. I wish she would stop calling me about that ninja - we all know he ain't no good!) Stop crying wolf, Elise. Not a good look at all. He has already lost respect for you in this marriage.

I tell you what - if she started wearing the nice cologne and gorgeous undies regularly just to go to work and hang out with her friends - living her life - Ben would be losing his daggone mind! No need to humiliate and cheat because of him, but begin to have a life outside of the one where you are hunting him down, checking his phone, and smelling his clothes. There is too much to do out there for a good woman to be left on the curb while he goes and gets his.

rozb said...

Sleeping in a bed that is cold on one side is better than sleeping on a cot behind bars because you hung in there too long and took the wrong way out. Just walk away.

maureen palmer said...

Like I told a family memeber, make decisons that will help you sleep at night. I will say my piece 1, 2, 3 times, after that, just know I will still pick up that 3 am phone call if you need me to come pick you up.

thinklikeRiley said...

Ben straight stealin'
Pimponomics 101.

CorettaJG said...

In Elise's case, I think that moving him back in with no stipulations, boundaries, counseling, etc is a fail, as is the pattern of separating 8 times over 12 years. Doesn't sound like growth or maturity, instead it's like Lady4Real said earlier about doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

All Honey said...

Makes me sad and more than a little frustrated. It's kind of living half a life. Wonder how much more both of them could be if went their separate ways and stretched themselves.

AndreaPlaid said...

I feel where you're coming from with the "divorce stigma"--I think that's what slowed down my moms when she contemplated divorcing my now ex-stepfather (one of those deacon/church treasurer/Sunday School superintendent/cheating types), especially since she already divorced my late father (non-churchgoing, emotionally and financially immature, philandering types). Because, even if the woman get rid of the husband on the grounds of infidelity, people are going to eyeball *her* with the question, "what were you doing cocoa-wise that wasn't keeping your husband in the marital bed?"

It sounds strange to say, in this age, to say there's a "divorce stigma"--it sounds so '50s--but there definitely is.

OneChele said...

I think if you establish that sort of pattern in your relationships (leaving, coming back) for that length of time, it's going to take something monumental to break that cycle.

Page Bartlett said...

Unfortunately, I think all of us know some women who just "stay" in relationships that we can't fathom. Do men do this I wonder?

Jason P said...

Yup. I try not to get into other people's love thangs. Whatever switch flips on and says "Yes, this is the person" is something I dont entirely get yet. But if I was Elise's brother - I'd be swinging on Ben.

OneChele said...

Okay?! I'm like he already trampled 2 or 3 vows, what's one more?

OneChele said...

Amen and amen. Who know what the breaking point will be?

Violet Rose said...

Chele, why is it when we start talking about cheating-azz men, the fellas of BnB fall radio silent?!

OneChele said...

It's hard to cosign what you can't understand

JohnKinPDX said...

He never stopped. Anybody that grimy with it who apparently has never been put in check has probably cheated from Day One and has no intention of stopping. Why should he? He seems not to have a conscience and she's apparently okay with it.

OneChele said...

The comments system was down for a while? Man law?

Violet Rose said...

Hmmmmmmmmm.

AppleBerryMIA said...

I wonder (and if Jayme's around she could tell us) - if some of this back-n-forth drama later in a marriage is because ground rules weren't setup early in the relationship. I mean you can't turn a blind eye to all the extracurricular activity before marriage and then get the ring and put the foot down. Instead of "respect the ring" - why don't you "respect the relationship". Elise got me heated.

OneChele said...

Please repeat for the cheap seats: Take it from someone who has lived alone most of her adult life - it ain't that hard.

Trust and believe ladies there are far worse fates. Try sleeping next to someone you don't trust worth a damn. Try sharing space with someone you wish would disappear. Try sitting across a breakfast table glaring at somebody over a cold plate of cheese grits... um, never mind. You take my point.

OneChele said...

He kinda is, huh? All of the benefits of marriage without giving up his single life...

JohnKinPDX said...

Perhaps we don't cheat and can't speak with any authority to the topic.

Queen of Me said...

Sounds like you have a few BougieTales left to tell!

Angel Blanca said...

"Respecting the ring" goes both ways, right? I can respect what the ring stands for, still love my husband, and STILL leave because in the end, I have to respect myself, too...

I've never cheated, although I've been tempted many times, so that's the start of respect for myself, my relationships, and my SO. I expect the same in return, and I'll get that, I know, because I am worth it, and so is having a relationship with me...

@Elise, what's easy is not always what's best, and you can always count on your sisterhood to help you make whatever transition you need to make to honor and respect yourself. I hope you and Ben can get counseling--separately and together--to unroot some of the challenges you both have operating in relationships...particularly involving each other.

michaeldavis said...

^ this is why I didn't comment

Only the Tall said...

"Respect the ring"..How about Respect Yourself? This is sad, but she'll learn, the hard way.

GrownAzzMan said...

I am just not feeling a lot of sympathy for Elise. Hubby has clearly shown what time it is and she is CHOOSING to stay. There are no victims, only volunteers...

GrownAzzMan said...

For me, I wrote Ben off during the first post some time ago. No country for cheating men. Not much to say to Elise either since she has chosen to stay in the craziness. Wouldn't have posted at all but since you asked...

Natasha Hunter said...

Remember that scene in The Mack where Max Julien took his uh...business associates to what looked like the planetarium and ws running all that game on them and they were in awe staring at the stars and ish!?! Did they get married there cuz she sure got her job down pat and him ehhh...not so much?

Seriously, suspecting isn't enough to make me leave, but once it's been confirmed, we might be able to hit the reset button once (depends on who with - I know some will say it doesn't matter, but for me it does). After that...

LMAO said...

talk about low expectations.

LMAO said...

man cheats on woman - more often than not, relationship can be saved
woman cheats on man - more often than not, relationship can't be saved

Only the Tall said...

This. Right. Here. Thank you!

GammasWorld said...

I do believe cheating can be overcome (I wasn't able to do it but I know couples that have). The common factor with those that overcame is that both parties worked -- HARD -- on it with experienced therapists. I was already to read that the couple was going to therapy and trying to work it out, but unfortunately all Elise has done is reinforce in Ben's mind that he can do what he dang well wants to, she'll get mad, but she'll get over it. Until the emotional pain becomes too much for Elise to bear, all the well-meaning advice and support will fall on deaf ears. Respect your ring my sister, but you'll be much happier when you learn to respect the woman wearing the ring more. Eight separations over 12 years does not remotely hint at happiness - contentment maybe but not happiness.

Brneyed1 said...

While I've never been married, I've been in a long term relationship that ended because I discovered he was cheating. I'd like to believe that if I were married I'd be just as decisive and dump the cheatin' chump.

I feel sad for Elise as well. Her husband already knows the deal, is having his cake and eating it too. Elise is getting crumbs....

Bianca said...

I mean I couldn't stay, not I couldn't leave. Leaving is harder but its my choice.

soldier said...

ouch.
Never cheated, don't see the point. If I ain't digging you no more I believe its time for a talk.
Relationships have always been more than about 'booty or new booty'.

But some words for Elise, to the tune of woman, if it smells like trash, are worthy coming from Men

soldier said...

I bet people point to your grand-aunt as a 'good woman' for sticking it out
To many people: 'good woman' = Burdened woman + No personal fulfilment

MariSol said...

Kinda makes me wonder what her idea of marriage is.

Sasha in Stilettos said...

This posts got my pressure up this week.

diamond life said...

My great aunt said - if you keep putting your hand in the lion's mouth, I can't cry for you when it gets bitten off.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

You're probably right about the 'good woman' praise part. As for me? Life's way too short for me to spend it being treated like dirt, especially by someone who's supposed to be my other half and partner.

BrendaKay said...

This post hits a bit too close to home ~ staying in marriage that is long past it's use by date, and hoping that somehow it's going to work itself out. I wish Elise the best of luck, she is definitely going to need it one way or another.

I haven't read all of the comments {busy day and late evening}, but I hope Elise is doing one thing for sure - practicing safe sex. If her 'husband' is bold enough to be locking lips with another woman in public. I would be d*mn concerned about what he's doing in private.

Just Ang said...

This timing was too perfect. It didnt hit close to home, it hit in my back yard. My fool friend fell face first into some chick (YOU know) and is digging himself out of a hole (damn fool)

I personally believe if you cant control your self, if you just HAVE to get some a$$, you need to just go on and file some papers and kick rocks.

But whats up with your people? Is this a 'Elise dont know her worth/ I need a man by me" situation or did they talk and the hubby "Lenny Williams" his way back into the house?

Thats the thing about relationships, you never see the whole picture. I just hope he saw the light and things get better for them.

GuestAnon said...

"There are no victims, only volunteers..."

Wiser words do not exist. When she comes crying about his other escapades, tell her this and keep it moving. I feel no sympathy for her and I am not even mad at Ben, she is the one choosing to deal with the shiggity.

soldier said...

Excuse the language but what you said just reminded me of this Katt Williams skit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNak-6O8lFQ

Jade Star said...

I missed the first post, so I had to go back and read it. Bear with me as I struggle to type without my head imploding over my monitor.

I'm sorry, Captain Liplock would have got his lips snatched off, put in a sock and whacked upside the head with it. If this entire marriage has been more dramatic than a bad episode of One Live To Live, it's time for her to search for greener pastures. Especially with his excuse, 'it's just a kiss." Oh really? So excuse me while I go liplock the next 4 men I come across. Will it be just a kiss then? I bet not.

Anjel said...

Hey, chele how's it going girl? You know, it's weird that she would mention respecting the ring and I get that, but it doesn't seem like to me that her husband is respecting the ring. I feel for this girl she really needs to move on from this marriage. Sometimes you just have to let go especially if it's for the best. I am glad there are no children involved. Trust is one of the most important parts of marriage, I think if you can't trust someone how can you be with them especially 4-ever.

aishao1122 said...

I figured :P

aishao1122 said...

Probably lol I don't like that so many older women are willing to co-sign on the hot mess that many young men are making of their lives, but if it were flipped they wouldn't back the women. Pulling God into it when the Bible clearly states that adultery is a reason for divorce makes me side eye them even more, you can't take one part of the bible then ignore the rest. It's whatever though I have moved on, i simply take him as a lesson well learned. I'm glad you also got out and didn't let them influence you into staying, sorry for the loss of friend but Big Kudos on being Happy

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