A colleague of BougieSis' passed away unexpectedly over the weekend. He was a tri-athlete, 40 years of age, a genuinely "nice guy" and his heart just decided to quit. I call bullshiggity on the no less than ten stories I heard last year where 40 suddenly became the new dead. No sir. I feel like I'm owed a good eighty + years round here, darn it -it took me the first 35 to figure out what I was doing. [And now I'm crossing myself, praying and throwing holy water so the Good Lord doesn't smite me for my impertinence. I ain't ready.]
The grim reminder that we are in no way, shape or form in charge of our personal destinies was like having a bucket of ice cold water tossed on my head and slowly (ever so slowly) trickling down my entire body to pool at my feet. Shockingly uncomfortable. And speaking of buckets...
I've been trying to figure out what the top three things on my bucket list would be. For the first time in forever, "get married and have kids" wasn't in the top 3 (or 10). I'd still love to get married, not sure kids are still in the cards but I definitely won't be gasping, "I wish I'd been somebody's wife" with my dying breath. I honestly have enough BougieNieces and Nephews to feel like I'm raising kids already.
There are crazy wishes like wanting to samba nekkid with Idris Elba on a Costa Rican beach in the moonlight under a champagne shower, inventing a great-tasting chocolate that isn't fattening and winning the Mega-Millions. Then there are viable plans like wanting one of my books to become a movie, wanting to own an ocean-front home, wanting to travel to Bali and Fiji but are those my top three? I really want that Westin Heavenly Bed. I'd like my own jet or unlimited miles on American Airlines. I want to see one of my books in the window of Barnes and Noble and on the New York Times' Bestsellers' List. But those aren't top three either.
I'm kinda spoiled. Others have said they wanted to know great love and be loved in return (I've done that). Some have said they wanted to realize their career goal (my biggest one was to be published). Some want to run away from home and live footloose and fancy-free for a while (been there, done that, called it Cali and came home).
So I guess I need newer, bigger, better dreams. Maybe something like hoping 3) To achieve everlasting unconditional love from a guy I love in return. 2) To be successful enough to have creative and financial freedom and 1) To wake up healthy and happy every single day.
What about you BougieLand? What's number one on your bucket list?
74 comments:
Well damn girl - no one appreciates all this deep thinking you have us going this week. :-)
I'd love to be the guy who discovers a cure for cancer but in case I don't, I'll settle for being that old doc that everybody loved, had a great life, wife and a soccer team worth of grandkids.... that come visit me on my private Bahamian island of course.
BTW, I see more of those tragic "40 is the new dead" cases than I like. Totally shakes you up.
When my time come knockin' I wanna say I lived this ish my way and I lived da hell outta of it,
That is all.
How in the middle of the serious post, you sneakin' in nekkid champagne dances with my boo?!
That sounds awesome by the way!
On a serious note, my uncle worked and scrimped and saved up for his retirement. Never traveled never ate out never went ahead and bought that one splurge item. He took early retirement at 51, had a stroke and died before he was 52. That was my Aha moment. Nobody is promised shiggity. If you want to do it, find a way to do it sooner and faster.
I want to see the Pyramids up close and personal. I want to live overseas for a year. And I want to make enough money to set up some scholarships for these poor kids who think they have no way out. Oh yeah, the husband and the kids if it's for me.
I want to travel to each continent at least once. That's all I've got so far. I was assuming I had plenty of time to figure it out!:(
I know. My cousin's boyfriend died suddenly (heart attack) about a month ago. We were the same age. It was devastating for the our family and his. As far as a bucket list I want to be known as the guy who loved God, loved his family, and loved people.
Things will come, things will go but investment in people has eternal value. That's why everyday I find someone, invest in them and encourage them to do the same.
My boy's wife found a lump, seven months later - gone. She was thirty-freakin-two. I can't with that. All of us are still shell-shocked. It makes you concentrate on the simple stuff. Wife, kids, health and happiness. I'm still in recovery from the last relationship that blew up in my face but as soon as I stop side-eyeing females and assuming they want to stick me for my paper, I'll start looking for wifey.
I want the fairy tale if we're talking bucket list. I want to kiss my handsome man by the Eiffel Tower, sip wine in Tuscany, siesta in Madrid. If we're going, go big!
Someone else just asked me this last week. I had nothing. Wife, kids, picket fence - okay but that's too easy. I want to do something worthy of having my life story on Biography... uh, something good, not serial killer like. But I'm not sure what that will be yet.
If I can pass on know I lived with very few regrets, that will be a life well lived.
I like your list up above with the time machine idea. Unlimited re-dos!
I've had a few of those bucket of cold water moments.
One of the hundred reasons I left the last boyfriend was because he was incapable of having a good day and if he wasn't having a good day, then he wasn't going to let me have one either. I remember sitting there listening to one of his angry rants and thinking - I might not know what I am really Supposed to be doing with my life, but I am Sure this isn't it.
It is difficult to walk the path of being happy and full of joy every day even though you know it is going to end for you and others. It is worth trying, though. My promise to myself is to give everything I do 110% effort and passion. What I want to be thinking if I get a chance in the last moments is that I loved and lived with as much joy and enthusiasm as possible.
And now that I'm all misty-eyed, I'd better get on with the day. I'm going to buy a copy of your 2nd book like I did the first so that is one book more towards a best seller :-)
First, Chele, take your fantasies off my man, Idris is mine, LOL!!
Happy New Year Bougieland!! I lost two friends who were in their thirties in 2010 and to say it was heartbreaking, is an understatement! Their deaths furthered my commitment to "Carpe diem" which means seize the day!
My current bucket list includes: 1) the marriage of my dreams to the man of my dreams who is also my best friend, 2) at least one kid, 3) writing a fiction novel, 4) traveling abroad as much as I can, 5) going to culinary school and 6) living life to the fullest. Last week, I added an item – completing a triathlon this fall. This will be interesting because I have to learn how to swim but I am very motivated right now!
1. New Years in Bangkok.
My colleague just lost a jr. high friend in his early 30's over the weekend. And I felt so awful for those people who perished in tornados in the mid-section of the country right before the new year. Who would have thought they wouldn't see 2011? Seize the day indeed.
I want to know without a shadow of a doubt what my ultimate calling is - my purpose here other than giving God glory and being the best daughter, sister, friend, officer, attorney, event planner I can be. Although that's keeping me pretty busy right now. :) And I do want my ultimate partner, love, friend. And to leave a legacy of honor, fun and wealth for my children's children.
I turn 50 in 2011 ... so at this point i have most likley lived lomger than i have left (thats heavy phew). When i was a kid i saw a thing on National Geographic about Tibet so that is on my list along with being independently wealthy to ave more control over my time. But above that is to maintain my health both physical and mental. By maintaining my health my possibilities remain open.
Oh and as far as strings ... cutting stuff and people like a pissed off Samurai ... we are not promised.
Chele ... a moment for your friend. Peace
I am not materialistic by any means, but one of the things on my bucket list is to go to one major event this year and roll there like a baller. yes - a baller. On my own dime at that. I want to fly there at least using Business Class - not trying to sit with my knees under my chin and one of Bebe's kids kicking the back of my chair. Whether it's for a couple of days or for a whole week, I want to arrive in style, tip like I know what I'm doing, and have blazing hot memories in return. What - y'all don't act like I'm the only one who wants to do this at least once in their lives!
Oh yeah - and try to help foster world peace and stuff.
I am glad you specified the serial killer thing. Not a good look on anybody's list.
I want to live my life so that when I die, Satan says "No - she can NOT bring her A$$ down here! " Which would be okay, because I plan to be trying to head in the other direction anyway...
We can scrimp and save all day long, but if we don't take time to enjoy the fruits of our labor while we are doing it, then it is all for nothing. Honestly - I don't want to work just so I can leave everything for somebody else.
Hello Bougieland, growing up in the inner city of seen a lot of death and lost some loved ones before I could even understand what grief was. 7 years ago I lost my best friend in a tragic car accident and my outlook on life has never been the same. I always feel like everyday could be my last day so I "Carpe Diem" and live life to the fullest. I try to tell those I love that I love them everyday, I try to leave happy memories for my kids and let my hubby know what he means to me every time I get the chance. The only thing definite in life is that everybody dies. To quote a rapper that I like, " Everybody dies but not everybody lives".
My bucketlist: 1)Publish my poetry 2)Travel the world 3)Write a book about my life 4) Create a center for teen parents/couples that will enable them to create a family for themselves and be successful in society 5)Leave an inheritance to my sons 6)Be remembered as loving and caring 7)Help the homeless
2010 was my year and I already feel like 2011 is going to be one of thee best years of my life, I've cut so many strings, burned them and put dust over my tracks so me and no one else can find their way back to a path that wasn't that great for me and I'm ready to keep it moving, growing,loving and learning the whole way.
LET'S GET IT BOUGIELAND!!!
I would like to work for Steve (that's me), answer to Steve and promote BrandSteve all day everyday.
I'd also like to go to Rio for Carnival one year.
Oh world peace, end to famine, all that too.
She is all deep with it this week!
Sorry for your loss. Hope the side-eye ends soon. Hide the paper and see what you find, then reveal the paper when you feel that you can trust her. Take a note from some cliche movies like the classic "Coming to America", lol.
There is so much going on in your answer. One - sorry about your boy's wife. Two - sounds like a BougieTale!
I couldn't have said it better. Get ya Frank Sinatra on Riley!! "I did it my way!!"
Good one.
Condolences to your friend.
When my time comes... I want to have lived a life that was full of joy and laughter, financial freedom, creative brilliance and an openness to love again.
Whew. Time - the one thing we always want more of and can't buy. So what to do with it?
I plan on going all out with or without Mr. Right-for-Grace. Though some of my plans would be a lot more fun with him.
I promise to be fluffy all next week ;-)
Go 'head on Riley.
Lawd that's tragic. I love your list!
No panicking, you probably have years to go yet! Every continent? I can skip Antarctica ;-)
Applause, sir.
Or you could find a chick with paper of her own?
Those are good ones!
Hmm, I wouldn't mind being rich but I have no desire to be famous. My Bio would be a flaming hot mess.
After a while, it would have to get old though. Kinda like GroundHog Day. Once you perfect it, it's okay to move forward.
Aw! Thank you. And by the way: I might not know what I am really Supposed to be doing with my life, but I am Sure this isn't it. <~~~Amen
The line of ladies ready to fight me in the street for Idris is long, wide and deep.
Ni-ice!
Um yeah - that moment when you realize you're probably on the "other side" of the middle of your life - GULP!
I like "legacy of honor" - I shall use that somewhere.
Le Sigh and much nostalgia for my high-rollin' days. There's nothing like platinum service the whole trip. I miss my ballerific days. Mostly.
Let's get it!
So basically - team Steve 24/7 - I feel you sir. Currently immersed in TeamChele 24/7/365 - I'm a tough boss but fair.
Good answer!
Time is a beast. It flies, waits for no one, and refuses to stand still.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE!
Honestly, all I really want is for God to say well done my servant. Personally , I want to look back and say that I lived life to the fullest and tried all the things I wanted to do .
Im with you on that Carnival tip.
Being famous is too much work. Too many people in my business and no freedom whatsoever. I will however take being wealthy - so that I can help others ( and it would be nice to not live paycheck to paycheck - one day it will happen for me :D )
I'm too superstitious to call it a bucket list, but my long-term goals? (In no particular order):
Get a PhD in Spanish Lit and Linguistics from Stanford
Get married, have two kids, and teach them to be trilingual
Write a book, probably on optimal second-language acquisition or the intersection of culture and education
Pay for my parents to retire comfortably from the postal service.
I think that's it for now. :-)
Yes me too on the Rio for Carnival! Yesssss, just once in my lifetime...
My sympathies for your friends, 40 is too soon...
My bucket list includes: 1) Travel to both Africa and Italy before I leave this planet. I did reports on both places in school and have been trying to make it there ever since...one day it will happen.
2) Be an extra in some movie...but not a stereotypical character.
3) Write the story of my life, and hope that someone finds some inspiration.
4) Attend some cooking classes to perfect my baking skills, AND sell my wonderful creations at an event along with making a profit.
5) Tell my son's mom (I co-parent with my husband-I have a stepson but I believe that our relationship is beyond step-parenting, he's just that special to me) how I really have felt about her when he is past 18 years old.
6) Just to keep on improving on being a better, polished version of me living up to my potential.
I APPLAUD YOU!
Linguistics--Killed me.
Now that I've stopped tearing up enough to type....Since God seems to laugh when I make plans..HARD...like I heard in a movie once, I'll just live each day like it's my last, because one day it will be.
wow.
honestly, I want to live long enough to see my princess believe & bloom into the greatness she was called to be.
and I want to inspire as many people on this earth as possible to realize that what brings peace & happiness to their lives starts from within. Then see them unapologetically get at it like it was trying to run away.
I don't have a bucket list. Life so far has just been about trying to survive day-to-day. But a HS friend who survived lymphoma that spread to her liver has a motto she truly lives by that I find inspiring and would like to aspire to - "Life is good."
& it is not enough for me to be loved. I want to know what it is to live with a well worn love that stood the tests of time.
I want to live well, to a ripe old age with hubs, give him a son so I can shut the baby factory down, travel to some distant lands, eat like a queen, save some loot for later on in life and just generally be happy!
There are certainly places that I would like to go, and material things that I would like to have before I close my eyes for the last time. I am not rich by any means, but I have a good job that I enjoy (to reference your column yesterday, last year, I cut the strings on a career and a job that was about to take me under) that pays a decent salary and allows me to have a reasonably comfortable life (by my standards, not by the standards of someone wealthy.) I know that there are things that money can not buy. I wish simply to have a lived a happy life (with a special Mr. Penny, whom I have not yet found, ) that was meaningful to people besides myself.
i'm 28...i have no regrets (to date)...i could die tomorrow and be aight.
BUT, as of right now the only thing on my list is to become a mother
Um, I am loving yours. That time machine would be very useful. Anyhoo, mine is extra cheesy, but it's too fall in love.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Great stuff. For me, a man who loves me unconditionally and z-babies are right up there in my totem pole. Also, world peace and end famine. I hope the above items would include a true feeling of self-actualization, soundness of mind and body and personal wisdom to control my destiny. Now if Maxwell or Michael Ealy is part of the package then that will be living life on the grand side of things.
Chele - Thanks for sharing the story and your bucket list struggles. As I sneak up on 50 and things like this occur, I wonder what is on my bucket list. The answer is "so much to do, so little time" - as a result, I like to plan a few big things like getting to attend a good portion of the One Chele book tour and have a full week this year to just lay on the beach and do nothing. The reminder is to enjoy each day to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised.
It's funny that you did this. With 30 less than a year away, and not feeling ... unsettled ... about where I am in life, I did a "30 by 30" list in December ( http://mscarmalita.tumblr.com/post/2418862554/30-things-i-will-accomplish-by-my-30th-birthday ). I've almost finished reading Black Boy, set up my first therapy appointment, gotten the paperwork for my sorority, and starting training for the marathon. The rest? One day at a time.
Love this week. Really making me re-evaluate and re-assess. Marriage and kids, definitely. I also want to get my Chele-ness on - I want to work for myself and write books that people pay me for before I leave this planet.
Right now, I'm aiming for graduating this year. After that, we'll see.
Sorry I'm late on this post. I stopped reading at "40 is the new dead" because I was crying. I lost a good friend last August. Heart simply stopped beating. She'd just turned 40 in June. She was sooo much of what I wanted to be. An angel on earth. Would give you her last dime and the shirt off her back. Never raised her voice but always got her point across. Loved everyone and everything. She had a gap between her teeth but laughed mouth wide open. A loud, silly, infectious laugh that made YOU laugh. I'm hearing it right now.
My bucket list? To be more like her...and Oprah. I'd give away every dime I have, and every one I ever get, to live a life I knew others would celebrate and prosper from.
I can always get more money. I can never get more time.
BougieCuz, you lie, you are not sneaking up on 50, boy oh boy I love our genes. I don't know why I thought you were early 40's and Chele was mid 30's. I love you guys. Sorry for your loss.
Bucket list
- feature on a fitness magazine
- be well known for my skill in my industry (I''m on this)
- own my own org
- have a fulfilling/beautiful love affair.
First, I like to send out my condolences to your sister's colleagues family.
My number one: To give my life to God (lifestyle); I am far away but one day I will get there.
2. Health and Happiness
3. Share my gift with as many people as possible
1) Strengthen my relationship with God
2) Start my non-profit
3) Get married to a man that will protect my heart, treat me like his queen, and make me laugh
4) Travel, travel, travel...
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