Well, I tried to stay all introspective and intellectual this week but as you can tell from the title of today's post... we off that. Apologies but sometimes people simply require a boot to be forcibly placed against their hindparts repeatedly.
Here's this week's honorees in no particular order:
1. John Edwards - This is a man once considered a forerunner for the Oval Office. Now? A bit of a douchebag. With his wife barely cold in her grave, he has reportedly asked his mistress to marry him. Who is surprised that before she passed away, Liz made sure to cut old boy straight up out the will? In case any of you are unaware of the rules of etiquette/protocol on this - after a divorce, you're to wait six months before announcing your engagement. After a death (especially when kids are involved), a year. Way to keep it classy, John. Someone go cut me a switch.
2. Tucker Carlson - Typical Faux News talking empty head declared that Mike Vick should executed for killings dogs. He has since "taken it back" but uh, seriously dude?
Regardless of whether you think Mike Vick is the devil or a redemptive figure, the man has done his time, paid his debt to society and deserves to be treated as such. At some point, how many more times does a man have to apologize, hang his head and say he was wrong? Enough already. [So tempted to go on a rant about how human lives were lost because Bush felt like kicking up dust in the Middle East. Anyone found those WMD's yet?! Does no one remember Katrina? I mean if ever there was a need for execution-style justice. Never mind. Moving on.] Actually, I don't care to lift my foot high enough to kick his ass, I'll just trip him as he walks by.
3. John Boehner - What the hell is this spray-tan-addicted idiot crying about? There are NO TEARS IN CONGRESS, fool!
He took over the reins of the House and I immediately felt a twinge of pre-apocalyptic doom. After boo-hooing all over the place, he promptly promised to repeal healthcare and declared this "the People's Congress." Ass. Someone pass me my steel-toe boots.
4. Jan Brewer - Arizona's Governor stays winning. [yes, that's sarcasm] Due to the state budgets she has imposed, two people that were denied transplants (no longer covered) have died. So it's not enough that old girl is stopping and frisking brown skinned folks at random, now she's killing people. When asked about the deaths Brewer said, "It's probably something that should be discussed." Ya think? Someone go get me an old school three inch wide leather belt.
5. Dr. Conrad Murray - I don't know exactly what went down in Michael Jackson's house on June 25, 2009 but something obviously went terribly, terribly wrong. Information keeps trickling out from the preliminary hearings this week. I'm not a doctor but I have them in my family and close circle of friends. Every medical professional I've talked to agrees that restricted medication was administered in dangerous dosages and circumstances without the proper safeguards in place and something real funky happened between the time that MJ stopped breathing and when paramedics were finally admitted to the home. I'm not saying it's Dr. Murray's fault that King Michael done gone on to glory, I'm saying he needs his ass kicked.
I had to hold myself back to five. Do you have someone to add to the list? Any comments, thoughts, insights on my list? The floor is yours.
58 comments:
I think you hit all the top ones this week.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
OneChele, you have hit the nail on the head at the top five arse kickings. I could not have said it any better. Disgraceful!
Please don't tell me Johnny is getting married. I'm sick to the pit of my stomach. Pass me the switch when you are done.
Carlson kills me with "I'm christian" speech and turns around and say something so toxic. Yet again, that is Fox at its best.
Mr Speaker, I'm going to need you to get it together soon. Time to govern and the Tea parties are going to realize quick how their fringe ideas will not translate to policies.
Oh, We need to add Michele Bachmann, GucciMan, Eric Cantor, Lil Wayne, Wacka Flocka, Mitch Mconnell and Rand Paul to this list.
Kelly Rowland needs her azz kicked for coming out in that porn superhero outfit she had on earlier this week. Especially with the see-through black blouse and NO bra. Not even pasties. Just two nips looking you in your face. If you need to get out there and get exposure, I get it. But after the assault by Keri Hilson in her new video (y'all know what I'm talking about), do we really need these young women going out like that? Kelly - you have talent. Use it. If you are more appreciated in England, then work that out. But Boo Boo, this ain't the way to be fierce! Girl I can't even look at you because your chest seems to be following me around the room wherever I go like one of those weird spooky paitings. Seriously.
Well, since this is Bougie Land, I should keep it all high minded and whatnot, but today is not the day, so 'scuse me while I tiptoe the line:
1. Lauryn Hill for ruining her legacy with a bunch of unprofessional foolishness
2. Brett Favre for being a total douchecanoe
3. Nikki Minaj for her whole persona and the contradictory proclamation that she is deep. Um, no.
4. My baby sister for that kneegrow she is dating
5. Incoming House Majority Leader Eric Cantor(I think that's his name) for having the nerve to appear on the big 3 morning shows with that disingenuous smirk and barely contained smile while he described the apocalyptic measures the R-epugs are trying to enact, pretending that they would help everyday Americans while knowing that it would only benefit the rich and powerful.
6. Mitch McConnell, for all of his antics since the President took office. And for the fact that he looks like the embodiment of the pigs at the end of Animal Farm.
Mitch McConnell also has a close resemblance to a turtle.
May we also add the birther who shouted out "Except Obama! Except Obama! Help us Jesus!" from the balcony during the House of Representatives' reading of the Constitution's requirements for president. I can't. I won't. I'm through. I'm tired. Please give me a break with this continued foolishness.
IS that why Boehner looks that way? Spray tan?! What folks will do for melanin. Your list works.
NO TEARS IN CONGRESS, fool! <- This cannot be shouted to the sky long or loud enough. I have refrained for commenting (outside of my home) on Boehner's menstrual crying jags before now but since you open the door I'm about waltz in...
If this was Pelosi or H. R. Clinton or M. Obama or any other female that has ever been elected to office having these monumental crying episodes they would have been impeached, drummed out of office and admitted for a psych eval.
Why is it okay for him to be a hop, skip and a jump away from full blown emotional distress? Is he going through the change, having hot flashes and hormonal swings? Does he have a secret uterus?
I can not take any man seriously who blubbers (lets admit it crying is gentle and he isn't a gentle crier).
2. The mother/author of Princess Boys has struck me as media needy as Balloon Boy's Family - pimping her child to sell a book.
3. The fool who mailed Incendiary Devices i.e. bombs to the Governor of Maryland. 4. And the media portrayal of these people. They are domestic terrorists! Call a spade a spade. Any person who mails a bomb is a terrorist!
I'm going to add Kanye on here for that tragic video Monster. I know he's supposed to be daring and what not, that was just horrible.
The crying is so not gangsta. I'm not against a man shedding a tear or two when the situation permits - extreme pain, extreme anguish, superbowl wins, and birth of a child but this ish right here? GTFOH
ME.
I'm scheduling a weekly ass kicking session for me, swiftly followed by a 'now be on your grind session'
I am determined and I want everyone who ever doubted, ridiculed, pointed at, insulted, or talked bad about me to be extremely comfortable in their place(s) and to be at the top of their games when I achieve my goals.
I don't want them to have any excuses for why they couldn't compete or achieve their goals
I want to continuously kick myself in the ass every time one of these foolish racist tools says or does something silly. I do this to remind myself to never sleep on these fools.
I'm kicking myself in the ass, so I can stay alert, on point and on bougie :)
The more that comes out of that Murray trial, the more shady it looks. Chele, I'm going to go ahead and add DFKN to this azz-kicking list. Boo!
Ugh...I don't even know where to begin...May Elizabeth Edwards rest in peace--you can bet your check that the Edwards children will not be at the wedding. Elizabeth displayed the most class in the end.
Tucker (long, long, long, sigh) dumbass. Just a dumbass.
Arizona--good luck to you all is all that I can say at this point.
John B.--he really needs to pull it together, fall back and re-group.
Dr. Conrad--he will forever be known as the man that killed MJ...no getting around that...
UPDATE:
5. Eric Cantor for introducing a motion to kill a proposal aimed at stopping a vote (which passed, along party lines) that aimed to strip DC, PR, American Samoa, the Virgin Islands, the Mariana Islands, etc. of voting power in the House.
Great list!
I tried... so many to choose from.
Quite!
Excellent additions to the list.
I'm so sorry I went and looked up that picture. Le Deep Damn Sigh.
Wow - it's worse than I thought!
Actually, the crazier they look, the better for Obama 2012. Let's see ALL the crazy so all Obeezy has to do is run a film clip and say - you really want THAT running your country?
It's my best guess. Either that or he's drinking 3 gallons of carrot juice a day.
I was saying the other day if Nancy had let a single tear drop, they would have ripped her pieces but this supposedly makes Boehner "real"? Real shady.
I didn't like either and then a gang of folks told me I was being too close-minded.
*snickers*
Get it!
Feel free, he is definitely azz kick worthy.
*curtsies*
Excellent synopsis.
There's a difference between being edgy and being shocking just for shock value. To me, he needs to stop and think - is this a product I can be proud of in 10 years? I think he'll come to regret this video. Song = good. Video= awful.
I saw that video only because an old classmate had a cameo in it, and I was unimpressed. I neither love it nor hate it; I just don't get the hype.
Ya should let the BnB Drop Squad get in his weak azz last summer. Coulda jacked the bracelet too.
That Princess Boy woman grinds my corns too. I don't like how she's making her little boy a target for nut jobs by parading him like this.
^this is me, btw. Formerly known as 'YardieChicie'. :)
I was wondering just WTF Kelly was wearing. I had to lean in and look, because I could not figure out that ensemble at all.
And I know all-nighters have killed my brain cells, but I'm not THAT slow on the uptake.
John Edwards - the man cheated on his dying wife, fathered a love child, then paid someone to claim said love child. I think it's been established that he has no class.
Michael Vick's shot takers - Where was this outrage when a non-famous young man buried an entire litter of puppies alive in his back yard? Or, better yet, when a child rapist got just 1 year imprisonment because his victim was too young and traumatized to withstand a trial? I'm a dog lover myself, but come on now!
I'm in line with everyone on the list (just got some new pointed toed boots too)
Tucker Carlson should be executed for even attempt to thinking that he has rhythm enough to go on Dancing with The Stars
John Edwards- Hell is not going to be hot enough for his a**.
Jan Brewer, John Boehner- (see John Edwards)
The St. John Health System in Metro Detroit- for forcing all it's employess to get "flu" shots or lose their jobs.
It's almost as if these performers have to treat us like their latest doctor's visit. I don't want to see all of that!
My boss. For spouting bigoted ridiculous comments and stereotyping us to a serious fault. For thinking that her sh*t don't stink and forcing everyone to smell it, just because. For thinking that no one is smart enough to do their jobs well and still be able to breathe sitting upright.
For wearing too tight clothes because she thinks she's cute (size 6 Colombians still have fat rolls, don't get it twisted). For being a terrible, terrible manager of people and projects. For just sucking in general, behind a sickeningly sweet smile and accent.
For this, I will use my sharpest, pointest, most metal and leather spurred up boots and kick her latina a** through the goalposts of life (thanks luvvie). Aye dios mio!!!!
Mutiple kicks and a pimp slap for that one......
1. James Meeks for attempting to run for Mayor of Chicago.
2. T. I.'s wife, Tiny, for embarrassing herself on visiting day.
3. Nikki Minaj, for being the worst role model for girls in history.
4. Brandy for getting that stupid Ganesh tatoo, then not even knowing what it was.
5.John Edwards for being the biggest douche of all time.
There there, MWDominicana. Let it out. *hugs*
Though, I must say that the visual is killing me softly.
Smells like desperation to me. Kelly should have more class than that.
"Actually, I don't care to lift my foot high enough to kick his ass, I'll just trip him as he walks by."
And I hope he falls on something sharp...LOL Great list!
Great list. Love it!
Dr. Conrad was a greedy bastard. He did something that no one with any brains would have even tried. He did it for money because he wasn't treating Michael and wasn't trying to cure him. You know down in the deep south they have those places under the jail where they put folks who need to get lost int he system...Put Dr. Conrad under the jail.
I love your butt-kicking list. I am about to go get some heavy-duty steel-toed Timberlands just so I can kick asses all day long.
I thought it was just me...
@#4: I will pray to 6 lb. 8 oz. Baby Jesus for her.
Not only is she exhibiting no class at all, her boobs look like they are trying to look at each other. Total and complete FAIL and worthy of an ass-kicking with some bootleg Baby Phat pumps that have all the chains and charms dangling on them.
Since the Scott Sisters were just released today, I think this one still counts....Haley "Bubba" Barbour, governor of backwards ass Mississippi. I don't care what anyone says, he only released the Scott Sisters because of that mess of an interview he gave detailing his account of the Civil Rights era in Mississippi AND because he has political ambitions in 2012. He stuck his foot in his mouth, so he had to do something to show that he cares about black people a little...
Can a brotha get a link? You know, for research purposes only...LOL
Film clips FTW!
GAM: Do you want to be on the ass-kicking list? But just for you (even though you can Google this: http://theurbandaily.com/special-features/skin-deep/shamika-sanders/kelly-rowland-her-taped-up-areolas-come-out-to-play-photos/
Don't be getting all happy and stuff. Happy New Year.
I think that Miss. Governor Haley Barbour should have been first on the list of scumbags!
1) my younger cousin for sleeping with crazy AND having a baby by her
2) Jermaine Jackson - im sorry but you deserve to be stuck in Africa because you didnt pay child support
3) Shaunie O'Neal - for creating the travesty that is Basketball wives
4) the Tea party in general
5) Chilli- baby girl Floyd is stringing you along. But until you decide that you want and deserve better , this is what you will get .
6) My neighbor- for getting caught up via facebook.... life is too short for drama , especially of the facebook variety
So what's the problem?
This is MUCH more of a problem than Boehner crying. Thank you for adding it!
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