Bougie What Not To Wear (WNTW) - Travel Edition

 

Intervention time, people! The hotmessness that was Holiday Travelpalooza 2010 is behind us and yet the memory of the shameful (SHAMEFUL) ensembles folks rocked to the airport lingers. I get it, folks want to be comfortable when there's the possibility that you could spend eight hours trying to a hop a ninety minute flight. I also get that not everyone was raised in a strict Southern family like mine where the kids were required to dress like the freakin' Von Trapp Family Singers prior to appearing in public. Think I'm joking? Here's one travel outfit from back in the day:

Notice how none of us look amused? Anyway... for years, I dressed up to travel. And then I started traveling several times a month. I developed a travel outfit. Dark jeans or khaki pants, white shirt, blazer with loafers or boots. Crisp, clean, and neat you could dress it up or down depending on where you where going when you landed. Plus you could layer. My only exception is if I'm hopping on a red-eye, then (and only then) will I throw on a sweatsuit. But not one of these:

People are abusing the hell out of the rainbow velour sweatsuits right now. I saw men and woman alike in a variety of ill-fitting funky colored velour fits. Some ladies dressed them up with pumps, huge dangly earrings, sparkly camis underneath. One fella had his on with a Stetson and cowboy boots. Shout out to the chick rocking the sequin flip-flops in twenty-seven degree weather and then complaining (loudly) that her feet were cold and the floor was dirty. 

The thing is, good people, you never know WHO you'll meet in an airport, on the plane, walking back to your car. I once landed a contract because I got upgraded and sat next to the HR director of a Fortune 500 company. I looked professional and spoke like I had some sense. Do you think she would have hired me if I bopped on the plane dressed like this:

Pajamas are meant to be slept in (in the privacy of a bedroom, home, hotel room), not accessorized with Uggs and worn out as an outfit. Not cute. Not sexy. Not classy. Not Bougie. Oh, and those of you heading to warm weather destinations? We know you're eager to escape to the beach but er, uh - this is not appropriate travel wear either:

Just as a personal preference, can we outlaw these?

My apologies to the Croc-lovers in BougieLand. I'm sure they are super-duper comfy but they are the ugliest shoes known to man. Seriously, like fruit-colored shoes for Oompa-Loompas. 

I'm going to refer folks back to my Sundress Month and Fashion Felonies for the Fellas posts where we discussed cut, fit and flattering foundation garments? That still applies, even if you're wearing three layers of clothes. I'm also going to respectfully request (okay beg and plead) that everyone embrace the following concepts:

1) Get a real coat. It's cold round most of these parts. Watching people in whisper thin denim jackets acting like the wind isn't cutting them in half is painful for everybody.

2) Kleenex are your friend. Open air hacking and achooing is not the business. 

3) People, you are going through security... why would you wear the world's most complicated shoes, belts and sweater sets? The boots with all the buckles and zippers are cute in the club, not when 40 people are behind you trying to make a flight.

4) People, you are going through security.... your socks, drawers and anything else that we may catch a glimpse of as you strip for the TSA should be ready for prime time.

5) People, you are going through security... wear some drawers. Nuff said.

6) For the last time, ladies - leggings are NOT pants. Cover yo' hindparts.

7) You're getting on a plane, not going to the club. Dress accordingly.

8) For the last time, fellas - jeans need to fit in all the right places

9) There is such a thing as over-coordinating. Shout out to the couple who wore matchy-matchy grey and pink outfits, rocked grey and pink luggage, scarves, the whole nine. Yes it was Burberry and you probably paid a grip for it... but you and your wife shouldn't like you were gift wrapped in this fabric:

10) Last but not least... I'm sorry Santa. I can't get down with the folks dressed like one of the elves on a weekend pass from the North Pole. The holiday sweater, the jingle socks, the reindeer antler headband and the socks that light up and play music... please save that for your private time. Sorry. Bah Humbug. What Bougie Folk Don't Do - WBFDD - go out looking like this:

That's it for now. Please pass these tips along, reach one, teach one. Any glaring fashion felonies witnessing during the holidays? Thoughts, comments, insights? The floor is yours...