Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Greetings from South Florida

So I want props for attempting to travel, house hunt for BougieSis, socialize and blog at the same time. And now I give up. I have half a post that I could sort of slap into a real one but that would take work. Instead I opted to have extra cocktails. I'll be back in a day or so. Talk amongst yourselves...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

@DanielSunjata, @HollyRPeete & four other celebrathletalities you should follow on Twitter

Yes, celebrathletalities - celebrity/athlete/personalities, you knew what I meant. As you can tell, I'm not blogging the deep thoughtful topics this week. I'm in South Florida and so my posts are sunny and light. Today we're talking about celebs on Twitter.

Be warned that following your favorite actor, athlete, singer, writer, celebutante can be pure disillusionment. It becomes very clear, very quickly that some people are paid to be pretty and little else. Some folks are skilled in the field of play but no where else. Some are talentless egomaniacs who just want love and really should let their publicists tweet on their behalf. But I shan't name names. If you've run across of these, you know what I mean.

Thankfully, there are exceptions to the rule. I'm sure there are more but these are my faves:

Daniel Sunjata - @DanielSunjata - Mr. Sunjata plays Franco on Rescue Me one of my favorite shows. Okay so I started following him because he's hot, I admit it. But I quickly discovered that he's also intelligent, socially conscious and darn it, just an all-around nice guy. It's like he doesn't realize he's way too fine to be tweeting with the likes of us. If I looked like him, I'd ignore the hell out of all y'all. (Just kiddingish) He answers questions, sent me some eye-opening (if distressing) information on the privatization of the prison systems and always has a thought-provoking conspiracy theory to share. 

Donna Brazile - @DonnaBrazile - If you've watched her on CNN going toe to toe with Anderson Cooper and the gang, you already know... she's smart and she speaks her mind. She does the same on Twitter. Sometimes political insiders can be a little too "inside the Matrix" for me but she breaks it down to the least common denominator and dishes it straight.

Holly Peete - @HollyRPeete - She's a mom, a wife, an actress, an entrepreneur, an activist and a football enthusiast. She has the nerve to be cute and in incredible shape as well. If you can't follow her just for her impersonation of Wonder Woman, how about she's warm, humble and tweets back... without artifice. Check out her HollyRod Foundation for the great work they are doing particularly with autism.

Donte Stallworth - @D_Stallworth18 - Sure he's an athlete and y'all want to stereotype but check his timeline for a day or two - he's ridiculously well-read, humble and a little obsessive about his workouts. Trust me, he's one to know.

Cory Booker - @CoryBooker - I don't know when the mayor of Brick City sleeps because dedicated dude is answering citizen tweets at midnight and again at 4:00 in the morning. Literally, tweet him about a pothole in Newark, he gets it fixed. The mayor of Dallas? Don't get me started. Mayor Booker is a quadruple-degreed bona fide Bougie Hero. He's Dat Dude. Follow him and learn a little something about hustle that works.

Lalah Hathaway - @LalahHathaway - She's talented, she's gorgeous and she tweets back. What more do you want from one of the most slept on artists out there? So sure, follow her but more importantly - buy all her music, she's gifted and never disappoints. 

I do get it, celebrity ain't easy. Just because you're in the public eye doesn't necessarily mean you owe the public any thing but it's far more pleasant to come across a famous personality that has some brains and pleasantries to back the rest of it up. Okay, do you have anyone to add to the list? Let's be honest - is there a celeb you followed and then quickly unfollowed in sheer disappointment? For those that don't tweet, who has a "I met a celeb and it was awesome" story? Thoughts on my list? Do share...

Monday, September 27, 2010

TV Premiere Week Re-Cap: What I watched, what I liked and the other stuff

Just a recap of some of the new shows I watched and what I thought...

Outlaw: B- I like Jimmy Smits, I always have. Even though the premise of a gambling, whorish conservative Supreme Court justice stepping down to do good works is um... a stretch; it's well written with thought-provoking topics. Hat tip to RZA from Wu-Tang for his guest appearance in the first episode. Not bad at all. I watched the pilot and the first episode and enjoyed them. They didn't blow me away but I can see the potential for pretty good TV here. I'll keep watching.

Boardwalk Empire: A- Really well done look at Prohibition-Era gangsterism in Atlantic City. I gave them the minus because with the exception of dude who played Omar and a maid... where the black people at? Black folks need a sip too. It's HBO - I'll keep watching.

The Event: C- I was confused and felt undereducated. I don't need a TV show to make me feel intellectual inferior, I have Pegroes (Pretentious Negroes) on Twitter for that. The timeline bounced around and the Black president isn't Black but Cuban. I was good and truly Lost (pun intended) by the time the actual "event" took place. It's not good to watch 58 minutes of TV and all you have to say is - Huh? Be that as it may, I'm going to try and give it one more week. Damn my loyalty to Blair Underwood.

Detroit 187: B- NYPD Blue it is not. And I don't like cop dramas that make me suspend all disbelief while calling bullshiggity at the same time. SuperCop (played by Michael Imperioli) uses the silent treatment to get a hardened brother to give up every crime he's committed since thrid grade? And talks down a hostage situation? For real though? The soundtrack was excellent, the cinematography made Detroit look like a bad day in East Beirut during Desert Storm and some of the characters were too formulaic. Crotchety wizened old vet ready to retire (classic Murtaugh), fiesty female lieu with kids at home (classic Van Buren), racially ambiguous hot chick everybody's half in love with, semi-hot guy they aren't sure what to do with yet. I'll give it one more week.

Undercovers: A Loved it. It's Hart to Hart dipped in chocolate with gadgets and whatnot. If you're not old enough to remember Hart to Hart, get thee to TVLand. First of all, the two leads (Boris Kdjoes and Gugu Mbatha-Raw) are right nice to look at. I can't even hate on that woman, she is bad. The plot was nice, the timing and pacing worked and the chemistry was abundant. Things blew up and went boom. Great to see Gerald McRaney playing the stern company red, white and blue man that he does so well. I was impressed with this one all the way around. I'll be tuning in.

The Defenders: F Two minutes in, I turned away. No thank you. Y'all aren't hot or funny. It's not working.

The Whole Truth: D Ten minutes in, I was done. I didn't like the chemistry between Maura Tierney and the other dude and since they are the main characters... that was that. No more please.

My Generation: D It's like the bad, slow predecessor to Thirtysomething... and that's not a good thing. Angsty late twenty-somethings with a lot of yada yada going on. It's hard to gibbadam. Done with that one.

Better with you: F Terrible. I can't even talk about it. 

Hawaii 5-0: D Sis and I call it Hawaii 5 - No! Doing too much. We thought the episode was over at the 34 minute mark, but no... there was more. And it required the hot chick to strip to her drawers. This is a Banana Boat suntan lotion commercial with crime sprinkled in. Skipping it.

Blue Bloods: Great cast starting with Tom Selleck who has aged quite nicely. The family theme was a little overdone (interwoven plots where members of the family came in regular contact with each other daily). But the story lines were compelling, the banter was well done and they sprinkled some diversity into the mix. Overall not bad, I'll catch it when I have time but it's not must see.

So what new shows did you watch? What did you like? Why? What will you watch again? Did I miss something amazing? 

Friday, September 24, 2010

Stuff I refused to blog about this week

Okay, I have work, work, deadlines and a plane to catch. So here's a Bougie News Round Up. Discuss among yourselves:

1. Jesse Jackson Jr - caught cheating. With blonde chick. He apologizes. Some folks seem to think it's "not as bad" because "at least the side piece is hot." Is it just too trite to say "like father, like son"? How do you think this will affect his run for re-election?

2. Bishop Eddie Long - accused of sexting boys. Pastor of megachurch sends not so holy pics of himself to members of the congregation. I don't know what's true, but I know it doesn't look good. The current debate seems to be whether it's worse that he was cheating or cheating with men?

3. Kenny McKinley - young Denver WR commits suicide. Mental health issues have got to be addressed in the African American community. Time has come for us to stop saying "he just needs some Jesus" and look seriously at the problem. Depression is no joke. Why do you think we're so reluctant to address mental health?

4. Lyfe Jennings - "reformed" rapper/singer going back to jail. Quits Twitter. Retiring from sportlight. Says he hopes he's had a positive impact. Does this put a new spin on his song Statistics?

5. Sarah Palin - says she'll run if no one else steps up. Thanks Sarah for guaranteeing another four years of Obama. The best thing that could happen to progressives is if Sarah decides to run. I can't wait for the first debate. Will she draw a cheat sheet on her hand again?

What else is hot in the streetz? Thoughts or comments on these stories?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Bougie Confessions: Boy Scouts and Time Outs

I've received a few emails lately asking how I decide which slices of my personal life to share and which I decide to hold onto. Well, I never share anything I would be uncomfortable reading out loud. When it involves someone I care about, I usually check with them for permission. I write nothing I wouldn't share with my family (they all read). I'll share emotional intimacies if they're in the past or I'm in a good place with them. And I never (ever) share my personal physical intimate stuff. Some things are best left to the imagination. As for everything else... it depends. Sometimes I find my life amusing and I share. Sometimes I use BnB as my personal therapy. I purge and I'm done. Sometimes it's a sounding board. And sometimes like today, it is what it is. I just put it out there and see what happens next.

So if you've noticed a theme of exes and "friends" and trust issues... welcome to group therapy! J

For those unaware, I've been dating a guy named Derrick (or New Dude) for about five months. He has a best friend (Vince) who doesn't understand boundaries and a Shady Ex-Wife (SEW) who has now made it crystal clear that she wants back in. My threshold for drama is fairly low and my patience for "friends" that don't have your (or my) best interest at heart is near the non-existent level.

There is one particular flaw of New Dude's that is hard to overlook and overcome. It's a fatal flaw in that... it's not really a flaw until put into context. New Dude is... a Boy Scout.

Not just in the literal sense that he was a scout with honors and badges and whatnot but also in the more ephemeral, figurative sense of BoyScoutiness. He's a genuinely good and kind person. But wrapped up in the goodness and kindness is the need to be liked by all. He simply cannot be the bad guy. He is hurt if he feels that his words or actions have hurt another unless they overstep and even then... he wants to forgive and move past it.

Admirable? Yes but problematic. And I must say, a little bit irritating. There are times when you have to put your foot down without being told to do so.

As those of you who have been around for a little while know we've had some drama with his friends and exes. And like the proverbial bad pennies, they just keep showing up. I've made my displeasure with the continuous reappearance of "negative outside influences" clear and repeated myself... twice.

So with that in context, a little over two weeks ago Derrick declared that he wanted all of us to be friends. Eyebrow arched and hand on hip, I asked - All of who? He said that referred to me, him, Vince and the ex-wife. Seems they have both been in contact with him and their lives cannot continue Derrick-free. This is a problem. These are two people who have no good agenda for him and nothing good to say about me.

My tone was snarky, "Hmm, the Vince that called me twenty kinds of b*tches and you had to punch him out? The ex-wife that called me forty kinds of b*tches and said you were better off with her? These should be my friends?"

"I just think it will be easier if we all make an effort to get along."

So I tried to be calm and mature asking what this "friendship" would consist of. By his explanation, it sounded like them spending a whole heck of a lot of time around us. Um... no thank you. To which he replied, "We should be the better people and lead by example."

Calm and mature went out the window. I thought I already was the better person and I know I led by example by not having their crazy asses jailed for breaking into his home. Vince was one situation. The ex was something else. I could see no reason beyond the obvious for why he would want her around in any capacity. And despite his repeated assurances that he does not want her in "that way", I'm not sure I'm going to get past it. I've been in relationships where I wasn't sure if I was priority 1A or 1B and I'm not about to be put in that situation again. And only because I'm loathe to give out ultimatums (either she goes or I go!)... I put him in a time-out.

Yes, I placed a grown-assed man in the middle of a relationship on a time-out. It was either take a step back or tell him I was done. So I asked for a few weeks where he should take some time to really think about his priorities and I would do the same. At the end of the four week period (yes, I put a time limit on it), we'd sit down and decide what's next. He was (and is) not happy. As I said, he likes everyone riding rainbow-striped unicorns in lavender clouds singing O Happy Day. I need to hear and see something different than what I'm currently seeing, damn the unicorns.

The first week of the time-out, my sister was here and we ran all over town. The second week (last week), I was not well. This week I'm playing catch up and next week I'll be in South Florida helping BougieSis relocate. So we'll see when I return just how all of that plays out. It may be that I'm getting less spastic about relationships but for some reason, I'm not freaked out (yet) and I'm fairly good with whatever comes next: good, bad, or in between.

BougieLand, I don't really have any questions for you today. Though you can feel free to share thoughts, insights, comments, common experiences. The floor is yours.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"I just need five minutes"

This is the text message and voicemail and email I received over and over again Tuesday from an old S/O, Jason. Last time I heard from Jason, he had his current girlfriend call me for advice on how to treat him right. [dramatic pause] Prior to that, he called for the obligatory TapBack check-in. And before that, his fiancée (number 5 or 6) broke up with him the night before the wedding by putting a post-it note on his door and fleeing the island. I tell you this to say, I really didn't want to take his call. As a matter of fact, if I hadn't been on one call hanging up when the other call rung through, I would have avoided it all together.

"Hey girl."
[Silent eye-roll] What's up Jason?
"Not much."
"You said you needed five minutes?"
"Yeah, you good?"
"Great, but really busy so..."
"Can you chat a brother up for a minute?"
"It'll cut into your five but sure. How's Denver?"
"I'm in Boston now."
"Well good for you. How's your mom?"
"She said she talked to you last month."
"True, I take it she's still well?"
"She's great. You really don't want to make small talk do you?"
[Silence on my end.]
"Fine. Can you remind me what I did wrong again?"
"When we were together."
"Over 15 years ago?!"
"Well. Yes."
"You were an adventure junkie, control freak who wanted a robot with ladyparts who would bow, curtsy and say yes sir."
"I wasn't an adventure junkie."
"Ooo-kay." [He was an undercover drug agent who kept volunteering for the assignments no one else wanted]
"So you're saying you didn't feel respected."
To say the least. "I felt disrespected, smothered, irritated and tired. But this is a long time ago. Why are you asking now?"
"I was told to find out where my best relationship went off the rails and figure out how to get back on track."
I heard some life coach speak in there but I didn't want to pry. "Well, now you know."
"But I really don't agree."
[Gritted teeth] "This is the problem right here. I told you how I felt. You don't get to agree or disagree. You can accept it or ignore it but my feelings are my own."
"I was good to you."
"You're not listening."
"This last girl says you broke me and I can't be fixed until you forgive me and release me."
This last girl? Is that how were referring to the significant other? "Your new girlfriend is a psychiatrist? Relationship counselor?"
"Life coach, how did you know?"
[Side-eye to phone] "I forgive you, I release you."
"Seriously, just like that?"
"I'm not the one still invested. You keep circling back around to me. So sure, fly and be free."
"Are you seeing somebody?"
"Bye Jason. Good luck with the new one." *CLICK*

First of all, I love it when I no longer gibbadam and can be dispassionate about the whole thing. Secondly, is it truly possibly that some people just never learn? I mean if you keep hearing the same complaint about yourself time after time, wouldn't you start to wonder if it had merit? Do you have an ex that you just can't get rid of? Thoughts, comments, insights... the floor is yours.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

In this episode of Ask a Bougie Chick: They Quit Black People!

Well, the one good thing about being laid up is that you have time to catch up on your reading. The bad thing is if you decide to catch up on your email and it's full of CRAY-ZEE. Well, not all crazy. Some are just very impassioned about their viewpoints. When I find two letters that are perfect point/counterpoint to each other - I have to share. Let me just present them and ya'll go in...
I'm a successful, good looking black single black man with my own home living outside of Atlanta. I know you and the BnB people will have plenty to say and maybe it will change my mind but I doubt it. Long story short, I'm not dating black women any more. They only want me for one thing (money) and apparently I don't have enough of that for them. I'm tired of playing the games when I have women of other races throwing themselves at me and actually wanting me for me. I've had so many bad experiences with "the sisters" that they really aren't even attractive to me any more. Maybe if there was one that looked and acted less black, she could still get considered. Really just wrote to see what you had to say about it.
-Gerald K. 
Gerald. Dude.
Here's what I have to say... Deuces.
Missing you already,
Michele (on behalf of The Sisterhood)
p.s. Did you seriously say maybe if someone looked or acted "less black"? You are excused from BougieLand. 
Hey OneChele,
After my last relationship broke up, I came to a really hard decision. I gave up on dating black men for a while and decided to try something else. Everything with black men is just dramatic and painful but my interactions with white guys have been easy. The white guy I'm dating now just treats me so well, it's like a whole different world. Our backgrounds are completely different but it doesn't seem to matter. He gets me. It's so perfect with him, it's almost scary. I always thought I'd end up with a brother but I think I've found what I've been looking for. What really makes me angry is all the attitude and anger I'm getting from people. It's 2010 and still I'm getting the "swirl" backlash. Just, really - what do you think?
-Name Withheld from San Diego
San Diego,
What do I think about what? You need to get love where you find love. If you found someone you're happy with, go with that and damn what anyone has to say about it. But um - the thought that life is going to be so much easier and happier in the "non-black" side of dating scene... let that go. People are people. It may be a good idea to take a look at what destroyed your previous relationships and make sure you didn't drag any of that into your new "perfect" world. Good luck!

So um... people still think happiness comes wrapped in one specific color huh? Still don't realize that the problem may be them, no matter who they date? BougieLand, it's all yours. What do you have to say to Gerald and San Diego? Please get them told...

Monday, September 20, 2010

It's Fall TV Premiere Time - whatcha watchin'?

We've talked about some new fall shows and some new shows with people of color. I did catch the sneak peek of Outlaw last week, I liked it but they're going to need to make the main character (played by Jimmy Smits) a wee bit more sympathetic. The Grey's Anatomy premiere is this week and I'm definitely going to watch The Event tonight. 

What about you? What are you watching this week?

When Bad Colds happen to Bougie Chicks

It started with a groan. I rolled out of bed last Monday morning and everything hurt. It didn't concern me much, you young 'uns will learn that as you get older, sometimes things hurt for no damn good reason. Ever notice how much folks over 35 start talking about mattresses and massages? Seriously, I was up in MattressLand talking sleep numbers and firm vs. euro pillow top for at least an hour. Yeah, it's crucial.

But as the morning went on, I tried some yoga, a healthy breakfast, hydrating and... I felt worse, not better. By noon my throat was sore and I had that feeling that a band was tightening around my head. I decided to take a nap. I announced to all that it was naptime and proceeded to go comatose for four hours straight.

Backstory: BougieOlderSis was in town and BougieMom had doctor's appointments. New Dude and I were having some beef (more on that later in the week), three girlfriends needed to catch up, I had work stuff and book stuff and social stuff I absolutely positively had to get done... I am a person who likes to have my finger on the pulse of all that's around me. I like to be in control of my domain. My body went gangster and told my brain, "That's too damn bad. We tired. And in case you thought I was playing with you, how do you feel about not taking in oxygen? You like that? Sit. Down."

By Tuesday morning, I thought it was a bad cold and I could sweat it out. By Wednesday BougieMom flung Kleenex at the stairs and told me not to come down. BougieOlderSis politely told me I sounded like death and suggested baptism by holy water (or maybe she just told me to put my behinds in the shower, it's all a blur). Clearly, it was time to consult the professionals. BougieOlderBro is a trauma surgeon. I called begging for pharmaceutical assistance. My primary care physician BlackBerry Messengered me to remind me that I had this same thing last year. Started as a cold, I ignored it and it turned into sinusitis, then bronchitis and walking pneumonia. She politely told me to go pick up the serious meds and don't get up until told otherwise. I gave up, got the meds and turned my bedroom into a fortress of solitude. (Hence the Bougie Down post last week)

And by the way, in one of the many ways I take after my late, great father - I am not a pleasant patient. I am anxious to be well, upright and fully about my business. I snapped at family, friends and told New Dude that if he sent me one more "how are you doing, baby" texts he was cut forever. What can I say, I was on quite the drug cocktail. Plus, now that I've developed a fruit allergy - no juice for me. Now that's just mean. I started dreaming that bottles of Arizona Green Tea with Honey & Ginseng were chasing me over cliffs in Hawaii. (I mentioned the drugs were good, right?)

I say all of this to say to my fellow stubborn "I feel fine, it's only a cold" folks - sit your behinds down for a minute. Take a breath (and some NyQuil) and take care of yourself. I'm at about 90%. Be back to 110% by Wednesday.

Oh, time out for some Bougie Bidness. Happy Birthday to Bougie Regular Michael Davis and Happy Wedding Week to one of my very first Bougienistas - Tiffany in Houston. Salutations and well wishes to BougieLand Faithful.

So, do we have folks in BougieLand who won't admit when they're sick? Refuse to take meds? Believe you can sleep when you're dead? What's your favorite "get well" remedy? Do share your wellness tips, I promise to take notes.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Answering Letters from He Said/She Said Week

I received a number of quotes and questions for He Said/She Said week, thanks for all the input! I didn't even get to two or three of the categories, one of which was: "Is it really all that?" Oh well, blog fodder for later. We did have two questions that I wanted to address though.
"What does it mean when he says, "Don't ask me who I'm sleeping with, I think that's an inappropriate question because I don't ask you who you're sleeping with because I don't care." I was shocked! I replied that I wanted to know if he was having sex with other women because of my own health safety. He replied, " We (me and him) have protected sex, so what does it matter if I am having sex with other woman!" and, "You are very insecure, I don't care who you are sleeping with. I just care about the moments we have and I don't care about others outside of that time." 
Ok - we have protected sex when we are fully engaged in the "act" but we do not have protected sex when we have oral sex (please forgive the grown talk Chele). So I was sitting there pissed because, I am thinking - ok dayum, you are having sex with other people and I am giving you a head job! So, I said will all seriousness, "I'm not into threesomes!" He said,"WTF are you talking about." I explained –“If you’re having sex with me on Monday, someone else on Tuesday then me again on Wednesday, well essentially we are having a threesome.” He was like "That's sounded so dumb!" 
I said, "Wow - then what are we?” - He was further agitated and said, "Dayum, why do you want to put labels on us! - just enjoy the experience, stop being insecure and let nature take its course." 
I hung up on him and have not' contacted him since but he has called and emailed me several times. 
He is kicking 50 in the *ss (49), so I am a little shocked he is this immature or Chele am I being insecure?
~Beautiful in BougieLand
Hey Beautiful,
You're not being insecure at all. He's running old school game and you caught onto it. When folks have no defense for their actions, they flip the script and make it about you and your so-called issues. No sir. Damn some nature taking it's course. He's old enough to know better. But as I'm sure you figure out, there's no age limit on ratchet.

However, I would strongly recommend that you avail yourself of a flavored prophylactic for future below the belt kissing. Better safe than sorry. Get tested, lose his number, block his email and consider yourself all the wiser.

And the second note:
To BougieLand:
Ok here's my question what does it mean when he/she says,"I know that's what you said, but I thought you meant..." oooh that is soo a relationship killer for me. Where do folks get that from?
Thanks, TSB
Umm-hmm. Game recognize game. Basically, you're being told that they heard what they wanted and acted accordingly. This is why I use the psych 101 tool of "mirroring". I say something, you say it back and then we repeat and I follow up with, "Are we on the same page?" That way not only do I know you heard me, I know you understood. If someone wants to play dumb later... they get the side-eye. 

I had a boss once question a document I sent out to the company. When I pointed out that she had signed (and dated) the draft; she said "Just because I signed it doesn't mean I read it and agreed with it." Even though it explicitly said "By Execution Below"? Okay, I knew my days there were numbered. I have no patience for bald-headed barefoot reindeer games. No, I don't know what that means but I heard it somewhere and I'm using it.

So what you BougieLand, anything to share with TSB or Beautiful in BougieLand? Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Friday, September 17, 2010

"I don't think you can handle me" & other red flags.

Someone cue up MJ's "Man in the Mirror" because we're all going to need to hold hands and sing along. I'm sorry to tell some of you this but it's possible (in fact probable) that the problem with your relationship foibles and fails... [drops voice to a whisper] just might be you. [raising voice] Yeah, I said it. You just might be the problem. Okay, none of you Bougienistas. Other less evolved folks... ha! To be less confrontational let's just say the people you might hear some of these phrases from need to point the finger at themselves. How's that?

There are some utterances (less dramatic than 'the stick turned blue' and 'call the bail bondsmen') that are just red flags. Signs that scream "Danger, Drama Dead Ahead!" Let's take a look at a few:

I don't think you can handle me - Also stated as "Are you really ready for someone like me?" (Ebonics translation: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.) Ur, um - what? Are you a thoroughbred horse that needs to be trained, tethered and tamed? Are you so very special that one must aspire to be with the likes of you? Or are you really just a legend in your own mind? I get it, you're platinum service on American Airlines and everyone else is peanuts on Southwestern. But do try and remember... everyone has to start somewhere. (Ebonics translation: You ain't all dat)

All [plug descriptive words in here] men/women ain't sh!t - This is usually said with fists balled up and anger infused into every syllable. Was it Katt Williams who said if all you seem to find are 'ain't sh!t' folks you need to decide what it is about you that attracts 'ain't sh!t' people? Umm-hmm. Nuff said.

You're going to miss me when I'm gone - Earlier in the week, someone said they were told "you're going to miss out on me." Also sometimes stated as "you'll never find anyone else like me!?" (said in a plaintive wail) Really sir? Madam? Like that? Something tells me we're willing to take the risk.

Men are intimidated by me - No. They are not. Okay, maybe 2% of them are... but you don't want that 2% anyway. More than likely you are walking around with your mean-mug-don't-even-think-about-it look on your face and he didn't feel like getting his Roman Warrior on. [Roman Warrior creed- Brave men go where lesser men dare to dream] Unless of course you are just that one evil emasculating heffa running amuck scaring the shiggity outta all the good men who really wanted to date you. You are jacking it up for all us. Stop it.

Women don't know how to deal with me - Once had a ninja tell me I simply wasn't prepared for his "mental mind" and needed to get to "his level." For real though? Never mind he turned out to be a complete and total dog. In my opinion, when guys say this... start looking for the flaws. Major, major flaws.

My last boy/girlfriend (ex-wife/husband) used to... - Don't tap the brakes, slam the car in reverse hitting the eject button as you go. It's one thing to do a comparative analysis in your head between this one and that one, but to say it aloud? And generally more than once? Why don't you go back to them if life was all that rosy and perfect? Oh, they don't want you back? Hmm.  Buh-Bye now.

Again, I don't say these things to be mean but to let you know what to look out for. If you're hearing stuff like this often... be prepared for "issues".

So tell me BougieLand, what phrases make you press pause and think, "Ruh-Roh"? Found yourself guilty of saying one or two? Do share!

Next: Wrapping up He Said/She Said Week.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bougie Down

Le Bouge is laid low by Le Sinus Infection. Sinuses 3, Chele 0. Which means we'll have to squeeze the rest of He Said/She Said Week into tomorrow or stretch into Saturday. Plus, folks sent in great stuff that we haven't addressed yet. I'm going back to bed. Talk amongst yourselves.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"What had happened was..." and other signs of freaky-sneaky

Let's face it, bad things get said right after "What had happened was..." In fact, I would suggest that folks just retire the phrase. Nothing good ever comes of it. Anytime your S/O has the guilty face paired with a shaky "what had happened was..." you're already knowing - it ain't good. A lot of people have different viewpoints on cheating. Some will overlook one indiscretion but when your S/O starts TigerWoodsing it... no bueno. [Sidebar: Remember when TigerWoodsing referred to dominance on the golf links? Moving on.]

Let's look at some other phrases that may cast suspicion on fidelity ever after.

There's something I need to tell you - Usually followed by "and don't get upset". Rest assured that whatever comes next will get you upset. Unfortunately, this phrase prefaces a lot of bad news. But as far as the freaky-sneaky goes... would you rather your S/O told you they cheated or would you rather you find out from someone else? Really, is there any good way to find out?

Baby it was just that one time - Also "It won't happen again, I promise", "It was a momentary mistake" and "I'm sorry I did that to you." Uh-huh. It's up to you. Purportedly you know your beloved better than anyone else. Was it just that one time? One tequila shooter too many? You'll have to decide and move forward from there. Just make sure that a few months later, you're not listening to "It will be different this time, I swear."

She/he means nothing to me - Code for she/he means something to me but if I say that I know you're walking. This is almost worse than the admittance. I'd almost prefer it if you cheated on me for someone you cared about, that at least has some purpose behind it. But hittin' for hits' sake? I don't know. This might just be me, let me know your thoughts. Why do I keep hearing Usher's Confessions playing in my head?

She/He is just a friend - Hmm. This one is tricky. She/He may just be a friend. But then again... at some point your friends need to fallback and respect your relationship. And is he/she just a friend waiting for a chance to get out of the Friend Zone? Have they already made a move and are now just laying in the cut waiting? There are boundaries. Friends don't text/call you in the middle of the night, show up in random places unexpectedly, drop hints about how life was back when you were single... don't get me started. I've been in too many situations where my S/O's "friend" was a smashbuddy-in-waiting. And then the waiting was over. There are friends, then there are friends. Make sure the lines are drawn clearly.

So tell me BougieLand, what are some phrases that set off the warning bells for you? Have you used them? Is there any good way to find out some freaky-sneaky was going on? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tomorrow: "I don't think you can handle me" & other red flags.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"I'm not ready to settle down" & other signs that you're stuck in the Smash/Friend Zone.

"I'm not ready to settle down" - well, that's something folks should say early and often if that's what they really mean. But if that's being uttered right after naked aerobics, it could mean something else. That Law & Order "doink-doink" sound you hear? That is someone being placed firmly in  "friend zone" or "smash 'n dash" limbo. Buddy or booty call, those are the only options made available to some. Let's take a look at some other phrases that are the difference between Mr/Mrs Right and Mr/Mrs Right now.

I love you but I'm not in love with you - I'm sad to say I have used this one and received the laser beam side-eye. What you're really being told is that while they have feelings for you, there's not enough sparkle/chemistry to make it work as a romance. Chemistry (generally) is either there or not, hard to manufacture (worse to fake).

We're so good together... in bed - Anytime a qualifier is tacked on, you already know. If you were hoping for more, don't stick around. Just pick up your boxer (or panties) and roll out. Beware of follow-up statements such as, "I have to get up early in the morning" and "Let yourself out." Hmpfh, may want to double-check the nightstand for services rendered payment. Just sayin'.

We just weren't meant to be together... that way - Again, a qualifier but in a different way. Simply put... they aren't feeling you like that - keep your clothes on. You may also hear,"You're such a great person" and "You're the best friend ever." Enjoy the Friend Zone, you're in deep.

I don't think I'm cut out for marriage - Please see "I'm not ready to settle down" above also refer to "I'm not marriage material", "I have years before I'm going to think about that", "Commitment is not my thing." Come on now, do they really need to tell you more than this? Do they need a sign saying "I'm just a player" tattooed on their nether regions before you catch a clue? 

I don't want to ruin our friendship - Resist the urge to say "This conversation isn't helping" and listen. Is it that your friendship is so great, it can't go to the next level or that the person isn't feeling you that way or that they are truly scared they can't be what you need and the friendship will be impacted. There's generally always more to that statement than what's on the surface.

I should've met you years ago -Also disguised as "Our timing is never right" or "Maybe if things we're different." It's terrible to hear but it doesn't always mean the person isn't interested in you in that way. I have heard cases where the planets did eventually align and folks were able to make a go of it. 

I'm glad we're keeping this casual - Sometimes stated as "Let's just keep things simple." Stock up on flavored massage lotion and Trey Songz tunes, you're the cut buddy. Simple = naked when needed. Casual = you're not the only one I'm naked with. If you're cool with it, cool. Now, the casual cut buddy can be elevated to legit relationship status but one (or both) of you is going to have to keep your clothes on long enough to talk about it. Good luck.

We'll have to take time one day to talk about the non-verbal signs that you're stuck in the friend zone (the back pat vs. the hug, the cheek vs. lip kiss, among others). The non-verbal signs that you're "just the smash 'n dash" maintenance worker are fairly obvious... or they should be.

So tell me BougieLand, what catch phrase clichés have you heard that let you know exactly where you stand? Have you used these? Have any tales of escaping the friend/smash zone? Do share.

Tomorrow: "What happened was..." & other signs that some sneaky-freaky may be going on. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

"We need to talk" and other signs a break up is near

Every one knows that "We need to talk" means two things: either someone actually needs to talk or someone is about to get placed curbside. But let's take a look at a few other phrases that might spell doom for a relationship:

I'm trying not to hurt you - This is generally uttered by someone (male or female) who has already hurt the hell out of you and wants to be let off the hook for it. Furthermore, they will do it again. Also beware of "I don't want to hurt you" and "I hope this doesn't hurt you." I'm always confused by this one. If you don't want to hurt someone, take steps to make sure you don't. Am I oversimplifying?

I just need space - This means they've already found an alternate space (away from you) and just need you to be aware of it. And the follow-up question to this is, "Space to do what, with who?" If any of you have an example where someone "took some space" and then came back all excited about the relationship and it worked out - please share it. This one also comes in the form of "We need to take a break" and "Let's just take a step back".

We've grown apart - It's already over, you're just now finding out about it. Usually stated when you have nothing left to say and the thrill is gone. This is sometimes stated as "We're just in different places right now". Resist the urge to fling hot grits while screaming, "I thought we were in a relationship!" Oh, is that just me? Never mind. Moving on.

You're too good for me - This means "I actually think I'm too good for you but I can't say that." Really, if someone tells you this - just agree and keep it moving. Seriously, your response should be, "Yes, I am too good for you. Glad you recognize it." As Maya Angelou says, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."

And let's not forget the ever popular:

It's not you, it's me - Similar to above because guess what? They think that it is you, they just don't want to say it. Not only is the problem you, they've probably already found somebody else that they believe is an upgrade. There's nothing you can say to this one. If someone is wickety-wack enough to use that phrase on you, you're well free of them.

I don't say these things to be mean, I say them in the spirit of education. If you're hearing a lot of these phrases coming your way... trouble is a-brewing. At the very least, you're in for some "deep conversation." Life is too short to encourage the continuation of drama and co-sign on clichés. 

Tell me BougieLand - do you have other catchphrases that point to relationship doom? Have you heard these? How'd that work out for ya? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tomorrow: "I'm not ready to settle down" and other signs that you're stuck in the Smash 'n Dash or Friend Zone.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

This week on BnB – He Said/She Said Week

Though I try not to do back to back "theme weeks", this week kind of wrote itself (with the help of my Twitter timeline). This week we'll be decoding relationship speak with He Said/She Said week. If you have submissions or questions for the "What does it mean when he/she says _______?" discussions - email it over to Up tomorrow: "We need to talk" and other break up speak. Come through and check it out.

Friday, September 10, 2010

What does your brand say about you?

Step yo' game up ~ sell your personal brand as a "product of choice" not cut-rate generic

I know, I know - I hear your collective groans. Everyone is just sooo tired of talking about "creating a personal brand", "maximizing a brand", "making the best out of Brand You." Believe me, I know. As a writer and small business owner, I get at least 30 emails a week with kindly folks wanting to help me with my branding strategy.

But what I've come to realize is, business or no business - everybody has a brand. You are born representing your parents' brand but soon enough you are out there on your own and the things you say and do shape how your personal brand is being perceived.

A "product of choice" is generally wildly successful. A brand that you will pay more for just on name alone. It's usually one that invokes good feelings just by hearing the brand name - Coca~Cola, Godiva, Häagen-Dazs - all good. Enron, BP, Exxon - not so good. Same thing with people as a brand - Adolf Hitler - not good. Mother Teresa- good. Both company and people brands experience ups and downs. Google - are they saving the world or taking it over? Kanye West - misunderstood artist or selfish megalomaniac? It's all in perception.

Let's take for instance my lying, cheating, can't-keep-a-promise ex. In the beginning, his brand was highly coveted. Successful, accomplished, wrapped in an attractive package and accompanied by the all-important feel good factor. But over time, the product was not as advertised and eventually did not work as promised. The feel good was minimized by the encroaching belief that I had been completely hoodwinked by the pitch and the packaging. This leads to an erosion of consumer confidence, lack of brand loyalty and eventually you get to the point where the mere mention of the brand makes you angry. 

Do you want your brand to be the BP on the block? Let's look at a few other examples: 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine who had begun a relationship with a fella. Not too long into their communications, he began telling her about all that had gone wrong in his previous relationship including the fact that he didn't believe he was very good in bed. What flavor of brand marketing is this? You admit straight out the gate that you can't keep a woman or satisfy her? You've torpedoed your own brand out the gate. That's like a mini Snickers bar saying on the package - you're going to need to eat 10 of these and we're going to make you fat. WDDDA? Just go ahead and place yourself on the bottom shelf of the Wal-Mart in the hood next to no-name one-ply toilet tissue.

I had another conversation with a male friend of mine who was attracted to a woman in his apartment building. Having just moved in, he was checking her out and strategizing the best way to approach her. She also attended his church and he listened to her give a stirring speech about how she was praying for God to send her a good Christian man now that she was living right and ready to settle down. After checking her out for a few weeks, he noticed that she went from buttoned-up professional by day to Love-in-da-club chick by night. Well, not in da club per se... she'd taken to bringing some of her one night stands home and they didn't always make it to her front door before the love part jumped off.  Her brand marketing was in direct conflict with her product AND she clearly didn't understand her target audience. If you want a good Christian man, you shouldn't be giving it up to random club dudes in view of God and everybody. 

You see what I mean about what your brand says about you? Your packaging (appearance), your pitch (speech), your promotions (what you write, tweet, blog, email), product placement (where you live, eat, work, go) and your performance (actions) all tell a story about your brand - are you being the best representative of you? Think on it and share your comments below.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I need to step my game up too! HuffPo Interview

I had an interview up over at Huffington Post and didn't even know. I recall an email asking me some questions. I answered and sent them back. The interview posted at the end of July. I only found it by testing out Google Instant this evening. 

That's a marketing fail in so many ways. At any rate, better late than never? Not sure I agreed with his "drama, drama, drama" assessment but publicity is publicity. Here's the link: Michele Grant has Heard It All Before. Enjoy!

Naked don't last all day

Step Yo' Game Up - bring more to the table than your bed game (or the promise of fierce bed game).

Sure, I'll admit it... I appreciate a talented, energetic, considerate bed partner as much as the next person. But as BougieMom is known to say, "You gotta get up sometime and then what?" Or as a friend of mine's Grandmama used to say, "Naked don't last all day. When you put those clothes on and have to do more than breathe heavy, whatcha got to say for yourself?" Amen.

I'm thoroughly sick of folks trading on their looks and sexability (yeah, I just made it up) like these are the only marketable commodities they possess. A person has got to be more than just the sum of their parts. All of their parts. Mental and physical. I could insert a few jokes about sex parts and size here but I'll keep those to myself. 

Ladies - your hotness will catch you a man. For now. To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right. If your entire trap and keep plan involves Kegels and a stripper pole, you have quite the awakening coming to you.

Fellas - we appreciate that you get down with the get down. Your ability to make a woman forget her own name and scream out yours is a talent for sure. But it's only one string to your bow, you can't play the whole fiddle with just one string.

Girls and Gents - Allow me to present five things that can be as sexy as great sex: 

1. Thirst for Knowledge - You don't have to be the smartest or the brightest, but you have to be agile with your mental game. Care about something other than rims and shoes. Read a newspaper. Too much? Okay - a magazine. Know about what's happening in the world beyond the latest video or Real Housewife scandal. Mental midgetry is less attractive and  harder to get rid of than toe fungus. I can't do anything with stupid. And even less with stupid that doesn't mind staying that way. Smart is the new sexy people - embrace it. (It was actually the old sexy too...)

2. Conversational Skills - Sure, I look at you with my eyes but my ears have the override code. I don't care how good you look, I need something to talk about over cold cereal on a  rainy day. Overheard in the Starbucks: "I gave her looks an A and her conversation an F." You don't have to be a brilliant orator, but have something to say. Find five things that interest you and find five things to say about each. Give me something other than the shrug (fellas) or the giggle (ladies). I am telling you that a less than attractive person who talks a good game has caused many a panty or boxer to hit the ground. 

3. Ambition + Drive - Nobody likes a lazy ass. I don't care how tight and fine that ass is. Get it up and get it moving. If you wash lettuce for a living, get out there and be the best damn lettuce washer ever seen... and see if you aren't slicing tomatoes by next month. Forget what you heard, freeloading ain't sexy. If you are over the age of 23 and not disabled in any way, you need to be hustling to pay for your own stuff. If someone wants to buy you things, great. You still need to work on that rainy day fund. Cause there's always gonna be a rainy day. Does anything say sexy quite like hustle?

4. A Hobby - I mean a REAL hobby. I once had a dude tell me that smoking the sticky-icky was his hobby. FAIL. Read, garden, watch sports, old movies, write a journal, cook, re-grout the bathtub, save the planet, swim with dolphins... do something semi-creative/productive for simple purpose of recreation and relaxation. I'll even let you fellas play Madden until 3:00am if it doesn't interfere with the rest of your world. A person who shows a passion for living in one area, generally shows it in others.

5. Honest Emotion - Nothing is as sexy as someone who knows who they are and what they believe. It's all the better if they are not afraid to share it, speak on it and act on it. Even if you disagree with their viewpoints, you have got to admire the utter realness of saying, "This is how I feel. Take it or leave it." Sometimes that much honesty is brutal to encounter but there's something to be said for always knowing where someone stands.

So what you say you BougieLand? Anything to add to my "sexier than sex" list? Thoughts, comments, feelings? The floor is yours.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

I'm sorry, I can't with überEmo Dude

Step yo' game up - don't be überEmo Dude.
emo - as I'm defining it - emotional to a fault, dramatic to a fail. Take that to the nth power and you have überEmo.

A BougieTale: I was dating Ron the Banker in San Francisco. I chatted about him briefly in my post about Purple Rain awhile back. Yes, I dubbed him Ron the Banker and I've never been able to think of him as anything else. Though the phrases "stank-breath" and "fungus fingers" also come to mind. Believe me when I say - you DON'T want to know. (Talk about gamekillers!)

Moving on. Ron took me to see Titanic. I'm a romantic at heart, I loved that darn movie though admittedly it took forever for the ship to sink. Someone behind me shouted at the screen, "Drown already!" Much as I liked the over the top love-survives-anything plot line, right about the time that Leo was looking kinda blue about the gills and pleading "promise me you'll go on"; I looked over to see Ron the Banker sobbing. Not a little dignified tear but out and out boo-to-hooing, snot running, gasping for breath sobs. He reached for my hand, grabbed on and said, "Swear you'll never leave me like that." 


After a few beats of really uncomfortable silence, I patted his hand and muttered, "You'll be alright." A few days later, he came by (without calling first - no!) and said he had a gift for me. The box was beautiful. I opened the small square package to find... a toy castle. It was plastic, painted silver with fake crystals on top the turrets. "Oh wow," was the best I could do. He gave me a big hug and said, "This is until I can get you the real thing. You're my queen."

Okay, stop right there. I already hear you all saying "that sounds sweet" but believe me when I say I cannot properly convey the pressed and urgent pathos in his every word and look and thought and deed. His favorite conversation killer was, "I want to know every single thing about you. I want to get deeper inside your mind and body than anyone ever has. I want to be a part of you." A little bit eew and ick. Ninja, back it up. Slow it down and let a sister breathe.

I told him, "I'm not the one to talk about every waking thought and feeling. You're going to have to just let me breathe a little bit." It didn't take. When he was happy, he called to share it. "Let's go bike riding in the park." When he was sad, he called to share it. "Come sit and look at the Bay with me." When he was "in the mood," he called to share it. "Do you know what I want to do to you right now?" When he saw something he thought was amazing, he called to share it. "Have you ever really looked at fog?" Brother, no. Just no.

I invited him out to dinner to share my mounting concerns. "You just feel things more strongly than I do. I don't require quite this much sharing." This caused him to pout. Visibly. In Public. Ruined a perfectly excellent dinner at Houston's on the Embarcadero. He was short-tempered and surly for the rest of the meal. I was so through, I paid before they brought the entrée just to hasten the end of the evening. He said that me paying for dinner was "the flyest thing any chick has ever done for me." 

As we walked up the hill towards his car, he put his hand back in the universal 'let's hold hands' gesture... seriously. After the temper tantrum in the restaurant? Seriously? When I declined the honor of holding his hand, he muttered, "You are so hard to please. I stay awake at night trying to figure out how to be the best me for you. And you can't even see it."

Let me stop again. I had just moved to California. At this time, I hadn't been there for more than a few months. I knew eight people total. Three of whom I was dating. So if Ron the Banker was borderline bunny-boiling crazy, I didn't see it right away. But can you guess who got cut first? Now granted, I'm just not prone to excessive mood swings but even if I was, there's no reason to broadcast every emotion as they happen. That's exhausting. It took me two months to break up with Ron the Banker. Mostly because I was afraid he would a) turn stalker b) turn suicidal or c) go overdramatic. He went full-out C.

He sent me emails and voicemails with subject headers like, "You are my air." WDDDA? A few months later, I was waiting at the Union Square Cheesecake Factory for a to go order and I saw him standing in line waiting on a table. He had his arms wrapped with python grip around a girl who looked a little like me. Her facial expression was definitely one I was familiar with. It said, "How did I get here?!" I'm not ashamed to say that as he turned his head my direction, I ducked and cowered behind a booth under the pretense of tying my shoe. I did not rise until they called my order out. And then yes, I fled like the hounds of hell were chasing me.

You know what the most irritating, karma blowback thing is? The other guy I was dating at that time- I was dying to know what he thought and how he felt. I wished he could've been a bit more emo. I had no clue what was going on in his head. And when I asked, all I ever would get is, "Babe, we cool." Arrgh. Something in between "We cool" and "You are my air" works just fine, thank you very much. 

So tell me BougieLand, what are your thoughts on the überEmo Dude? Is it that we expect men to be a tad more stoic and contained than women? Or is too emotional just too damn emotional no matter who it's coming from? The floor is yours...

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Gamekillers - A Tuesday Top Two

Step yo' game up - Don't kill your own game

Let's start out by talking about game. What is it, do you have it, if you've lost it - how to get it back? Wow, that's a lot and I can't just give away the secret sauce. Let's do this instead...

Definition: Game is quite simply, how you play to win. At life, at jobs, at love, at lust... the ability to skillfully maneuver your way to where you want to be... is game.

How do you get it? Like any skill you can be born with it or you can learn it. Some learn it well, others just don't get it. Some learn it, have it and then kill it dead. And that's the worst. There is nothing quite as tragic as seeing someone who was once on their game and fell off. Way off. It happens. And when it does, there's always a gamekiller in the mix. That one thing you did to turn a FTW to a FML.

Take for instance, the case of "Daria" - up and coming director at a large telecom company. Daria was on the fast track, heading for a Vice-Presidency, if not for that unfortunate habit of attending company functions, getting plastered and sleeping with men that were not her husband (who also worked at the company). Daria's gamekiller was lack of professionalism (to put it nicely).

Take for instance, the case of "Mark" - wannabe ladies' man. He had the looks, the bankroll, the address and the trappings. Unfortunately he knew it and could not resist telling everybody, all the time what a great damn catch he was. This ninja would buy a woman a drink and make sure to tell the bartender (loudly) to run a tab on his AmEx platinum card. Before you could compliment him, he would tell you how he was constantly being approached by modeling agencies but he didn't want to walk away from his six-figure job for that. Mark's gamekiller was narcissism.

Just for kicks, here are a few polls to see what you think are the worst gamekillers out there.

Personally, I think the not giving a damn ruins all sort of game, but I'll let you all weigh in on that. BougieLand, what say you? What kills game with the swiftness? Do you know folks who consistently wreck their own game but don't even recognize it? Do share...

Tonight on Blog Talk Radio: You've arrived! Now what?

Join me, Yvonne Bynoe and Carolyn Edgar for Episode 5, the last of the Diva Summer Series. Tonight at 8:00 pm central/ 9:00 pm eastern time. To listen in, go to You can also call in at (646) 378-1171.

The finale topic: "You've arrived, now what?"

You set a goal: Love, education, job, wellness, home ownership - whatever it was, now you've made it happen. Now what? How do you deal with and sustain success? 

Join Carolyn Edgar, Yvonne Bynoe and me as we wrap up our series on Creating the Life and Love you want. Yvonne Bynoe is the creator of Her mission is to teach professional women how to go from being underpaid to earning their worth. Carolyn Edgar is a New York City lawyer and writer. She is a frequent speaker on legal career and workplace issues, and writes about single motherhood and divorce on her blog

Come through to say hi, listen in or chat for a few!

Monday, September 06, 2010

The week there was no bouge

Well, well, well... some of you really showed me something last week. You were not happy to deprived of bouge and you let it be known (repeatedly) - ha! Well, what had happened was - no seriously. Here's the thing:

For about ten days prior to BougeFree Week, I had nothing to say. Well, I had things to say but like the writer's block that plagues me from time to time, it was painful to translate what was in my head to the keyboard. So at eleven p.m., at midnight, at one a.m. I would sit anxiously praying that something would spring forth from my fingertips worthy of posting. Thankfully, it did but by the time I typed, re-read, edited, found a picture, and set for seven a.m. posting, I was already worried about what to type for the next day. Thank God for the ghettofantabulous wedding or you would have been treated to a post about my love/hate relationship with hair conditioner. 

Like I said... painful. I once made a promise to myself that if the blogging ever started interfering in the Micheleness, I would walk away. Well, I took a break instead. And of course, the minute I stepped away, I had ideas for posts springing up left and right. I managed to scribble most of them down. 

So this week, we'll be enjoying Step Yo Game Up week. Also Tuesday night on BlogTalk Radio; Carolyn, Yvonne and I will be wrapping up the BnB Diva Summer Series. If you have questions you want answered, send them over to me at

Hope everybody has enjoyed the holiday. AND football starts this weeks - life is good. The Bouge is back. 

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Thank you, BougieLand!

Thanks to all who voted for the 2010 Black Weblog Awards. BnB won for best blog series with the I Love Black Men segment. I appreciate ya! I'll be back next week with plenty to say. Next week: Step Yo Game Up week on the Black 'n Bougie blog. See you then!

Hashtag Wednesday: #SaluteTroops

Briefly out of hiatus for the cause. August 31st, Prez 44 (as promised) officially ended the combat mission in Iraq. Still more to be done, but he's asking that we take a second out of our day to say "thank you":

Please join him and others by showing your appreciation for the men and women in service to our country. There are many ways to send your official salute, click here for more information. One way is through your Twitter account (if you have one), using the hashtag #SaluteTroops with your message of support. 

Take a moment and send a shout out to the troops for their selfless service and sacrifice. Oh, and Happy September everybody!


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