Friday, December 10, 2010

What happens when you mix red wine + painkillers?

I'm a relatively controlled person. Okay, I may have latent control freak issues that I'm working on. Generally, if I decide to cut loose, I've made a conscious decision to do so. I don't like being out of control of my actions which I why I'm rarely "chemically altered." In spite of my deep and abiding love of South American red wines, I generally only drink two glasses. Unless I'm at home and stressed or out having fun with someone that I really, really trust.

When the migraine hit Wednesday night, the painkillers were not kicking in. For some bright reason, I thought a sip or two of red wine would help dull the pain. I remember drinking the third glass of wine and deciding to order up whatever the latest vampire Twilight movie was on the DirecTV cinema on demand (a clear sign I was out of my head). That was around 1:00am.

I awoke at seven-ish because the BlackBerry was beeping. I pried my eyes open to find the empty wine bottle on the nightstand. And no clear recollection of how it got that way. I sat up relieved to find that the pain was low-key. Just a dull ache near the base of my neck. Completely bearable. 

I washed up, grabbed a bottle of water and reached for the BlackBerry. Six messages in, I froze. An email from an ex with no subject line. I opened it up and it read, "Are you okay?" Scrolling down I realized that he was replying to an email I sent him in the middle of the night. The migraine started creeping back in.

Ruh. Roh. At some point in my medicated migraine hell/haze I typed out a lengthy email to him and hit send. The first line of my email read, "This email is not a good idea." The last line read, "Not going to send this, just going to sleep." And yet for some illogical reason, I typed it and hit SEND any damn way. Lawd! As I read through it I winced. It was rambling and way too transparent. What it really was? Nothing I would have written in my right mind. 

Saving grace? I apparently wrote six drafts, each more graphic and "creative" than the last. In one or two iterations, I attempted to write rhyming poetry. I rhymed gloved with loved y'all. For the record, I am not a poet. Thankfully, the draft I sent him was not the worst of the bunch. But you can bet at some point, I'm going to have to face the music on the middle of the night communique. It is what it is.

Moral: Just as you shouldn't drink and drive... you shouldn't drink and dial (or text, or tweet, or email). Chemically altered people should not be allowed to operate any form of communication device. 

So what would you do? Pretend that you were hacked? Shrug it off? Has anyone experience a "drink-n-dial"? Sent a tipsy text? Emailed under the influence? Been the recipient of the boozy tapback call? Do share. The floor is yours.

79 comments:

Shondriette D Kelley said...

Oh honey! Where was Bougie Mom to stop this catastrophe from happening?

Anyway, I suggest you hit reply and say "Pain meds and red wine don't mix so please disregard the previous message. Please and thank you.".

Then I want you to go through your contacts and delete every e-mail address and telephone number that shouldn't be there.

Rose M. Smith said...

Merely "blame it on the alcohol" and the painkillers...lol

YardieChicie said...

Brb. Dying with laughter. XD

blackprofessor said...

LOL! I would do what Shondriette said but only if this isn't Dude formerly known as New. If it was him, oh well. He needs to know what an idiot he was in, imjustsaying.

I haven't done the drunk n dial, but I have done the fed up and email! I once had an ex who had been sending me messages talking about we should get back together and basically begging me to get back with him. Not long after that, I saw him at a party and he was really flirty and saying the same bullcrap! Yet, later on that night he was hanging all on this chick who looked like a stripper!! That night I wrote him a 7 page , single-spaced email telling him exactly how I felt about him and the situation. I cursed him out in the most professional, grammatically correct way and let him know I thought he was being a jerk. I didn't even feel bad and felt like I had gotten some stuff off my chest!

EC Thompson, MD said...

I vote for seeing the bougie rhyme
or was it a bougie rap?

GrownAzzMan said...

See what had happened was...LOL

I vote for the 'hacked' explanation.

Wanyanak said...

Ouch! I would claim my phone was stolen AHHHND the thief sent e-mails to my contacts! :) or you could go with hacked!

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

I vote for hacked or your blackberry was stolen

Cynthia-Nycole said...

I was never the dialer but I have been the recipient of a "drink-n-dial" situation. Luckily it wasn't anything too crazy. In your case since your Ex asked "are you okay? " I would just tell him the truth... medication and red wine doesn't mix.

MCYBW said...

I can thankfully say that I have not been the doer of any tipsy typing. I have however been the victim, and I will just say there's nothing more sad than a drunk 30 something (D30S) on your phone in the middle of the night dayum near sobbing about how much he needs you. It is extremely funny when said D30S tries to coerce you into giving them so cocoa. Even more funny when the same D30S threatens to come get you if you don't agree when they are obviously beyond inebriated. Worst of all is when you and the D30S are at the same place and his drunk ass comes over to you and whoever you are dancing with, picks you up and carries you off. Yeah drunk people are fun.

rozb said...

In my younger, more impulsive days, I did a drunk visit. I was stationed overseas, and we were all pretty close, living in the barracks and stuff. I got the idea to out-drink somebody doing Tangueray shots, or Thank You Ray back in the day.

After I declared myself the winner (apparently I was the only one who could actually stand up) I wobbled my happy ass back to my room. On my way back, I passed my ex S.O.'s room and heard giggling and romantic music going on (Surface - Happy. Good song.) I knocked on his door and saw he was in his room with a lovely local. I said hi to her, took off my shoes, declared that I was about to "get sick" everywhere, and got in his bed with ALL my clothes on and went to sleep. The last thing I heard was her cursing him out in her native tongue (Tagalog), and then she said I needed to leave.

Well - I woke up the next day in his bed, with him curled up in his papasan chair mad as hell at me. I apologized, took some juice from his fridge, called out to Earl in his bathroom, then left. He said he sent her away, but by the big-assed bruise on his shin, I think she kicked the crap out of him and left. I vowed that from then on I would no longer drink and knock. That lasted about six weeks.

I am now older and wiser, but I have some hellacious stories to tell my nieces when they are old enough to hear how Auntie Roz could drink 'em all under the table.

rozb said...

BTW Chele, I would say "Yeah I sent it. And what? Don't get it twisted - it was painkillers and wine consumption. Migraine haze, so don't get all happy and ish, okay? Boy Bye."

Bethany Showell said...

Been there - 'cept it was Ambien. I'd just ack like (yes ack) nothing happened. Not a word. No further contact. No explanation. Nothin'. He'd just have to wonder.

GrownAzzMan said...

rozb goes hard! LOL

RA2010 said...

That wasn't you. There's nothing to own up to. No apologies needed. You weren't in your right mind therefore there's nothing to be said.

David Chase said...

Okay fine. I decided to try some cocktail made with Red Bull. BougieLand - don't do it! You are jacked up and completely wide awake to realize what you are doing. Which includes driving over to your ex-girlfriend's house and re-enacting Michael Jackson's The Way You Make Me Feel video in the parking lot of a large apartment complex. DON'T HATE! You wish you were me singing and dancing in the headlights with 50 people watching. You haven't lived until you have dry-humped some asphalt. I was doing it! Right up until I tripped over a speed bump, crack my forehead open and then lay bleeding and throwing up in the street.

Y'all know I'm sexy. Don't act like I ain't.

OneChele said...

LMAO! This. Story. Is. EVERYTHING! I'm going to go ahead and assume you didn't get the girlfriend back but she called 911 for you!

OneChele said...

Girl, BougieMom was downstairs getting her BougieSnore on. That woman has slept through a tornado (literally)!

rozb said...

Did you tear your shirt open and scream in front of an open fire hydrant or start beating on cars? This story is too funny!

And David - speed bump? Hi-lar-ious!

OneChele said...

Aw the 7-page FU and Here's Why letter. I know them well.

OneChele said...

Depends on whether you consider Dr. Seuss rap or rhyme?

OneChele said...

Which would be great if the person who "hacked" me hadn't put SOOOO much detail that only he and I would know. Inception style hack?

OneChele said...

Indeed. Lesson learned.

Sarah said...

Alcohol and I don't really get along. There have been too many incidents over the years of stupid things people have done and then blamed it on the alcohol or didn't take responsibility because they didn't remember. I told the last boyfriend that if he wanted to drink hard liquor that was up to him, but he couldn't come over if he had. When he had hard liquor, he would get argumentative and try to pick a fight. He'd act later like it hadn't been that bad. Uh huh.

I'd apologize and explain and then eat lots of nutritious foods and drink lots of water to heal your body.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

There was a time there in my 20s when I had a friend whose sole job was to take my phone away after a certain number of drinks. One too many boozy booty calls for your boy.

OneChele said...

That's gangsta, Roz. You climbed up in the bed and blocked old boy's action for the night. Ni-ice!

OneChele said...

I've heard some horror stories about Ambien.

All Honey said...

Oh yeah, that's uber-sexy. Video? I'll contribute $5.00 for the bootleg DVD.

All Honey said...

Oh yeah, cold meds and vodka (no idea what I was thinking). Had girlfriend (who seriously should have stopped me) drive me over to my exes house where he made the mistake of letting me in. I sobbed and sneezed on his sofa for an hour before passing out. He drove me home the next morning and we never spoke of it again.

J. Jackson said...

I haven't drunk text/call/twitter anyone, but I have been on the RECEIVING end of it. I remember when the ex-boyfriend randomly called me at 11pm (mind you he was drunk) saying he wanted to get back with me. *rolls eyes* And to make this story even MORE interesting was that he called my former "best" friend (notice the quotes) to get my number, and had her call me on three way (this was in the late 90's...) and told her to put her phone on mute (double side-eye)

Besides being embarrassed, and highly upset, I wondered why he would call me considering it had been 6+ months after our break-up. Turns out the former best friend thought we should "get back together" while omitting the fact that he didn't tell me about his son until a year in the relationship, and how he was trying to get with one of my friends.

I just remember being in shock when he was rambling on and on about how he was sorry, and he didn't mean to hurt me (yeah right). Your ex-boyfriend probably felt the same way. Now I can look back and actually laugh at the situation, and hopefully over time you can too. (=:

Andrea M said...

Oh yeah, that sounds like a riot!

GrownAzzMan said...

Whatever it takes...LOL Hackers these days are so ingenious.

OneChele said...

Smart idea

Andrea M said...

Text is the devil's tool. Folks that would NEVER call you or come by feel real confident to send ratchet texts all hours of the day and night.

rozb said...

I was young, impulsive, and mad that I was stationed in a foreign country. Tried to make the best of it, and had a ton of fun. No regrets at all!

Angela Deruise Roby said...

Ill put down $10!

rozb said...

You just don't know, GAM. You just don't know...

Kimberly Brimm said...

I swear this is story out of my life sans the migraine. You would think that I would have learned my lesson but for some reason it hasn't sunk in yet. I am heavy on the drunk calls. Crazy part is I have a set list of people I call/text. Somewhere in my inebriation I decided that they are the only people that I can contact in this state. CRAZY I KNOW. To top it off I call them singing Stevie Wonder songs. STEVIE WONDER. Why my mind resorts to Stevie songs. I have no idea. Always serves as a good laugh later.

Ms. Jay said...

7 pages single spaced ? Geesh Im glad I wasnt the recipient of this email

MCYBW said...

Yes tipsy 5'4 chick dancing spaz like, is literally picked up (thing brief case under the arm style) and carried away by 6'2 200+lbs man. My friends were like wtf where are you going I'm like I dunno come get me.

Mykeia said...

Ummm...wow. Sooo many questions about this one...but I'll just ask: Did you "win" her back with your moves?
You're still sexy.

MCYBW said...

Oh Wow... I think this beats being carried off by a big azz drunk dude any day. oh yeah I'll give 11.35 for a copy of this on dvd.

William Martin said...

I decline to answer on the grounds that I'm using my real name and my answers can (and will) be used against me in the court of public opinion. I'll just say this... I understand Chele, I understand.

Jesse said...

*fist bump*

Jesse said...

Dap for the Inception reference. I'd go with that. LOL

ConvertingMe said...

The Hubbster's former Mother in Law (he was a widow when I married him) is a Class A Drunkard.

When she begins hitting the bottle (Wednesday and Saturday nights) she calls everyone and their momma to "talk". Her talks which are more like therapy sessions with her gushing about how much she loves you or ranting about how you never call for as long as they(the person on the phone) can take it.

The killing part is she never remembers these all night phone conversations. I wish she lived with someone so that they could hide the phone for her.

When she calls the house for the Hubbster or Stepson, I am curt, tell her they aren't around and hang up.

thinklikeRiley said...

Son - that ain't gangsta! I mean, I feel ya but ur uh - put you on some Ricky Rawse or Weezy if ya dancin and beggin and ish. That way when ya fall out ya still got street cred.

blackprofessor said...

I think David gets story of the day!! Did you win her back? At least tell me that you are friends and can laugh about it today, right????

blackprofessor said...

Let's just say I had a lot to say!! That is the only time I have ever done that but it was cathartic as hell!!

blackprofessor said...

Roz,
LOL, now that is what I am talking about!!! I need you to run for President and pull that shiggidity on some Republicans, alright? I got money towards your campaign.

sol_dier said...

You guys do know there are phone apps that help you to stop drunk dialling, right?
move the bougie fam into the 21st century lol. there are drunk dial apps for bberry and iphone. :)

aishao1122 said...

Dead on the floor from laughing ~~~~~>Which includes driving over to your ex-girlfriend's house and re-enacting Michael Jackson's The Way You Make Me Feel video in the parking lot of a large apartment complex. DON'T HATE! You wish you were me singing and dancing in the headlights with 50 people watching. You haven't lived until you have dry-humped some asphalt. I was doing it! Right up until I tripped over a speed bump, crack my forehead open and then lay bleeding and throwing up in the street.

rozb said...

I can't run for President - they might have pictures.

F - THAT! I was single, young, and having fun, and I did not inhale. Maybe I might run for Congress. After all, if a witch can run, why can't I? Hmmm...

keishabrown said...

hahaha....
in college..i STAYED doing this do my guy friends.
Ex: im leaving the club now, tipsy and well..(insert r or x rated flirtateous innuendoes).
Next day: dudes would ask me..were you serious about last nights text
Me: what text?
wash. rince. repeat. for 4 yrs. HA!

but this whole my acct was hacked is pure bullship and needs to end. admit you sent your peen through the phone and we'll move on. and respect you more. camera phones are the downfall to society. LOL.

michaeldavis said...

I have never really had a moment like this, but I have been the victim multiple times. Example: Out with a new person and the drunk ex-boyfriend calls her and you can hear him drunk crying on the phone. Sounding like Chris Crocker in the "Leave Britney Alone" video. She went to help this fool! Never called her again.


It could be worse I guess, he could show up like Forest Whitaker in Jason's Lyric banging on the door and whatnot...guess I got off easy?

michaeldavis said...

I have been the victim of this! Drunk dude banging on the door at the college seminar, coming in and wrecking the entire flow. I mean the EN-TI-RE flow. :/

Evansaw said...

Had to drop a good friend for doing this. She would call drunk, and accuse me of all all kinds of things....the thing is, she never wanted to admit doing this the next day. I told her for the sake of my health I was going to have to "sign off' for good. I miss her, but I don't miss her drunken midnight calls.....

OneChele said...

There is no app to save you from typing a soliloquy into email and pressing send unfortunately ;-)

Pure Choco said...

As you like to say "I may or may not" have tipsy texted my exe to tell him all the things that I could no longer stand about him. Not smart because of course then he had to fire back.

Steve said...

Cocoa interruptus is no bueno. (Now I'm just starting to speak bouge exclusively)

Steve said...

I feel like there is a gang more to this story, Chele. Which ex? What did you say? Did y'all discuss it? What do you think it means that you wrote him? Inquiring minds and all that.

GammasWorld said...

Thankfully I've never done this but on this network called Twitter after a particularly bad day and a bottle of Merlot, I was scared after a night of #drunktweets to look at my timeline the next morning -- okay it was closer to noon. Thankfully I went the music route and blipped songs that had me sitting at my computer signing with the hair brush as my mic. Don't judge me.

GrownAzzMan said...

Yeah, what about all that? LOL

ASmith said...

You and I had a moment that you're unaware of just now as I was reading that...

COUNTLESS drunken texts and emails of mine have begun or ended with some form of "I shouldn't do this..." The next morning I"m always so pissed at myself. Like if you knew it was bad, then WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! ::breath::

I was with you in that moment. We rewound time and I was right there going, "yes girl... I know how you feel right now..."

One more reason I've had to say "less liquor" lately. I'm just too much for my own good and I'm getting too old to STILL have to wake up in the morning and send apology texts. SMH. The budding counselor in me (so close to being able to say "one semester down, 3 more to go...) thinks I should probably see somebody. LOL.

Foxy Brown said...

i try not to drink and text/tweet/email/call. i find it annoying when others do it to me so i definitely don't do it to others. in fact, i usually leave the phone in the car....or as far away from myself as possible. i don't answer drunk calls or texts. i will leave you with something i heard my grandmother say over and over again....a drunk mouth speaks a sober mind. #dowithitwhatyouwill

CaliGirlED said...

Man Roz what else do we have in common?!! LOL...Guys used to tell me all the time that they couldn't hang with me and the alcohol. Now I try to stick to a 2 drink minimum.

CaliGirlED said...

D.A.V.I.D!!! This has to be the best ever! Singing an MJ song, dancing in the headlights, dry humping the asphalt? You win!!!

I mixed Red Bull and Henessey once. Tasted great, lost about half the night, had to be told the next day about what all went down, including being thrown over my boyfriend's shoulder and carried off. Red Bull is the devil!

CaliGirlED said...

Girlfriend drove you there and left you? You must have really worked her last nerve! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LOL

CaliGirlED said...

I can't afford to see somebody, so I just stick to a 2 drink minimum!

Glendon said...

Wow! I have been drunk dialed, but never drunk dissertated , 6 drafts? Jesus! What oozes from the soul, when ALL inhibitions are silenced....might as well fess up LOL

CorettaJG said...

Um...you win. For sure.

Donell Creech said...

damn son...u channeled the hellz outta your inner onechele on this comment. *dap*

Brneyed1 said...

Catching up on the last week of Bouge since the J.O.B. blocked Disqus, leaving me unable to read or write comments. (yeah, I know I'm there to WORK, but dang, can't a sistah enjoy her break time???)

Aaaanywho, yeah. I feel your pain Chele. I blacked out once in college...too much Everclear punch. Spent most of the next week getting cursed out for things I'd said, and apologizing to folks. Apparently I said things that got a lot of folk in a lot of trouble. (I was an RA and knew a whole lot of folks' business...not 'cause I wanted to, but because being on duty on the late shift left you privvy to a lot of shenanigans).

So I guess I'm a chatty drunk, but only in person. I never progressed to drunk dialing, tipsy texting, or inebriated emailing.

I have been the recipient of the drunk dial. The most memorable? Dude singing Jeffery Osborne's You Should Be Mine. He went in on the woo woo woo's! LMAO!!

CaliGirlED said...

Not the woo woo woo's! *dead*

Anjelt27 said...

I've done it! I had been to the dentist for a severe toothache and ended up having my tooth pulled and I was taking something for the pain and my boyfriend said I was kind of loopy and acting funny, but he wasn't too concerned until 2 am and I sent him 20 texts all in jibberish (his words) he said he couldn't understand anything I was talking about or what half of it meant. I'm just glad I didn't say anything that might have gotten me into real trouble.

sol_dier said...

hmmm, thinking. I wonder if this can be invented.. 'the drunk email filter :) lol

mojitochica said...

WTF?!?!? That Man or someone else?

MCYBW said...

this was someone else, ol' former football player dude I used to mess with lol.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails