Monday, December 06, 2010

NorthTown Saturday Night - An UnSexy BougieTale


10:17pm, Saturday December 4 in the 2010th year of our Lord. Michele sits at home, pretending to write while really wasting time reading about Bougie Blogger beef and reveling in the harmonic melodies of Mint Condition.

The phone rings, disturbing her unproductive groove. She glances at Caller ID, shrugs and continues along procrastination's pleasant pathway. Cell rings. Then home phone again. They aren't giving up.

"Yes."She answers none too pleasantly.

"Where ARE you?" An irritated voice slurs a little, party sounds in the background.

"Where did you call me?"

"At home."

"Well there you go."

"Why are you at home?"

"Mayhaps because I live here."

"Stop being a smart-ass. You promised to be my wing-woman and designated driver tonight and I need help."

Oops. "Was that tonight?"

"You KNOW damn well it was. Get off your pampered ass and get over here. Now."

"I'm already in the jammies. I have ponytail rocking and the moisturizing booties on my feet. It ain't happening."

"I swear to God,either you get here in 30 minutes or I am coming to you and bringing these random Negroes with me."

"Well now I'm dying to come. Seriously. I'm not in the mood to get cute."

"You now have 29 minutes and 30 seconds. I don't need you cute, I just need you here. NOW!"

Maybe it was the semi-drunk note in her tone, maybe it was the fact that I had indeed promised, maybe I'm too damn nice. I decided to at least swing by, make sure she was okay and ride out. I didn't try for cute. Slicked back ponytail, plain hoop earrings, black sweater, dark jeans, boots. Clear lip gloss and one swipe of mascara. I got there with three minutes to spare.

When I walked into what appeared to be quite the house party in full swing, it took me three rooms to find her. The first thing I noticed was that the crowd was... "throwback".  "Vintage?" The decor was a bit granny-chic. If this was a movie, I'd have to name it House Party 6 - Viagra's Revenge.

Someone was attempting to moonwalk to Cameo's Candy in the living room. One gent was rocking a shiny black leather bomber jacket with an eight-ball on the back. Another cat (yes, cat) looked just like Kool Moe Dee from the Wild, Wild West video. I know you young 'uns don't know nuttin' bout that. Here's a glimpse for you:


Complete with hat. Boots were black though. As I was cutting through the kitchen I overheard one colossal #HollaFAIL: "I'm Dr. Romance baby, just looking for a head nurse." Just. No. I did notice that they were serving real food at this party. Somebody had been on the grill. Folks were posted up eating brisket, grilled chicken, corn and potatoes. An R. Kelly song came on and a woman old enough to be my mother put her plate down, swiveled her hips and said, "That's my jam!"

This stone groove was one step (maybe two) beyond grown-n-sexy. All that was missing was Don Cornelius and a disco ball. As I circled the living room I saw my friend, very tipsy and attempting to Step in the Name of Love with what can only be called an old head. He was rocking a shiny shirt with some sort of paisley print and pleated ironed jeans of a light blue hue. To be conservative, I'll say old boy was 55. My girlfriend is 36. No ma'am. I walked over and gave her a wave, "Let's go." I pointed to the door.

A Cap Daddy in a green velour track suit sipping champagne straight from the bottle (through a STRAW) came dancing over. "Cutie, you're not leaving? We bout to get it poppin'!" My mouth fell open, "Ummm." Did I want to know what the black Baby Boomer set considered getting it popping? No. I was a little scared. He leaned in a little closer, "Sweetie, you date older men? You could be my fountain of youth. Know you cook with your thick self." Le Deep Damn Sigh. Seriously? This is what it's come down to?

I turned to my girl and raised my voice, "Girl, you have 30 seconds to bring yo ass or I am leaving you with the Sunshine Boys. Test. Me." She finally focused in on my face, saw that I was serious and broke free of Grand-Dad. As we walked towards the door, two men in Cosby sweaters (again, not joking) offered to walk us to the car.

As I unlocked the doors, one of them asked if we wanted to meet for brunch at Waffle House the next morning. That's a negative. We declined politely and drove away. My girlfriend says, "Some of them were really nice, you should have stayed and mingled."

You know what? I'm not mad at the AARP party. But I'm not there yet. No Sugar (Cap) Daddies for me. Regardless of what my twitter folks said about guaranteed income on the first and fifteenth of the month (I hate y'all!)... I can't do it.

I guess love can come in all packages. BougieLand, how much older or younger are you willing to date? Ladies, ever been tempted to get your Anna Nicole on? Gents, are you gonna be Larry Kinging it at 75? How do we feel about geriatric cocoa? Thoughts, comments, insights? The floor is yours.

173 comments:

Tonda Williams said...

Ew...just...Ew..

I am 40 something. Not a cougar but seem to attract younger men. I have decided that the youngest I'll date is 35 (current boo). Oldest? 45..I'm not into similac or geritol flavored cocoa.....

Deesha said...

Some tweeps and I refer to such gents as the Do Me, Mr. Leroy crowd. Everybody knows a Mr. Leroy. But get with him...negatory.

ConvertingMe said...

House Party 6 - Viagra's Revenge. <-----*Fell in a vat of acid dead*

Did I want to know what the black Baby Boomer set considered getting it popping?

You should have stayed for research purposes, cause I and the rest of Generation X want to know what our parents consider "popping."

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

I am 40 years old.

I find the idea of chasing women into my twilight years repulsive and embarrassing.

of course...I thought when I was 20 that turning 40 would BE my twilight years.

there has to be a way to Make these moves at advanced ages.

I don't think House Parties are the way to do it, though.

nikki said...

OMG! I spilled my tea. House Party 6 - Viagra's Revenge! *dead* I'm stealing that one for sure.
I have been reading your blog for a while and this is my first time commenting.

I tried online dating for a few months this summer. Ask me why I kept getting messages from 55+ dudes? I ended up meeting a nice guy close to my age, but not before going out on a date with a man that CLAIMED to be 45. When I rolled up on dude at the restaurant he looked significantly older than 45. He posted a picture of himself when he was younger, lol. That was our first and last date. I can't do the 55+ set.....I'm 38.

Sarah said...

Ah well. Old folks need love, too. I'm not saying you have to be the one to give it to them, though :-) I bet the food was good. Reading the story, I was wondering why your girlfriend
didn't just call a taxi.

The first love was 7 yrs older. And there was a 7 years younger disaster in the early 30s somewhere. I've done my best to forget the details of that one. The other two were both around 3 years older. I doubt I'd be comfortable with more than a decade older or 5 yrs younger.

rozb said...

I have told you Chele before that old men will give you worms. And when they are too young, they will give you bills. I am 46 and I stay in my lane. The youngest I have dated was when I was 42 and he was 29. Good time was had by all, but it was what it was - a good time. A very good time. Wow...what was the topic?

Aisha said...

again that song is stuck in my head. Now that party sounds like the ones we throw at the home, can't hate on them for having fun. OGs always have the funniest pick up lines, which makes me wonder, did women ever really fall for those??
"Smells like candy..."

Michele said...

When I was 38 I dated a man that was 11 years older than me. While walking through the mall together one evening, someone approached us and told me how nice I was for spending time with my father. Ugh! I looked younger and he looked older. He also acted older. It didn't last.

He was actually the first person I had ever dated that was considerably older than me. Most of my suitors are younger. Now that I'm in my mid-40's I would rather not date someone who is much younger than me but I don't want to be strapped to someone who is collecting social security either. Unfortunately, men my own age are more interested in younger women. So, what's a girl to do?

rozb said...

Lines like "Ooh guhl, don't hurt 'em now!" Or the old classic "Oh baby - must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that!"

rozb said...

That happened to me before. Had a pic of himself from the 80s and showed up looking like beef jerky. He said he was slim and trim, and just looked stringy, ashy, and tough. Ick.

rozb said...

BTW Chele, the images with this story are dead on! All that is missing is an old dude with braids or dreads that look like they are running from their foreheads with lots of gray in them. And someone with a jet black afro with some sort of curl solution in it. Don't forget the older lady wearing the long curved fake shellacked nails (coral) that match her lipstick (coral), to go along with her lady 'stache. yes - I said lady 'stache.

Mickmicki said...

black leather bomber jacket with an eight-ball on the back

Um. 1992 Called. Arsenio Hall needs his jacket back.

Coogi? Oh hell no!

That sounds like my daddy's scene. After he passed we found all sorts of tomfoolery in his closets. All. four. of. them. We howled.

You know...Some things you need to see with your own two. I would have stuck around for a few minutes to get the full experience. LOL! I am sure that there were some mack lines as old as I am. "Sho nuff foxy thing"..."Bad Mamma Jamma"..."Brick house"....

LOL!

BrendaKay said...

The still fresh in my mind disaster of the 70 year old horny deacon, has convinced this recently divorced woman in her early 50's, that the definite age limit for potential dating partners is firmly between 50 to 60! :-)

GrownAzzMan said...

Not a big fan of age differences. At this stage I will date 10 years younger but no one older. Oh a you are oh so very wrong for "House Party 6 - Viagra's Revenge"

Ms. Jay said...

I am a youngin- so the youngest I would date is 21. The oldest is 28. But I constantly get these old geezers who are interested in me . Sir , you are old enough to be my FATHER , why would I want you. I am just not into dating my parents

rozb said...

Did you run into the Holla Guy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJMD5R8stRc

Bethany Showell said...

First of all, so dead @ the graphic @ the top. LMAO! I'm 33, so going into the 20's to date would just result in murder. And the oldest I've dated was 47 and he just reminded me of my dad, so no. At this point 42 would probably be the max I would date if I wasn't currently on hiatus.

Paul on Ice said...

I'll go five years younger and ten years older. That's it.
How does one moonwalk to Cameo?
You have GOT to start YouTubing.

Grace said...

Brunch at the Waffle House?! Like on a date? Oh my.
Paisley shirt with ironed jeans? Let me call my uncle in Texas and see if he was partying Saturday night.

rozb said...

"How does one moonwalk to Cameo?"

Dead at just the imagery this statement reveals. How do you moonwalk to Cameo? At an older age, very carefully...

michaeldavis said...

I need to see the Kool Moe Dee video for Wild Wild West...just for the side-to-side shuffle they did during the chorus...(starts rapping the song) "I used to live DOWNTOWN, 129th street" (I digress)

Anyway, I'm mid-30s and I am going younger only. The women I've met in my age bracket don't want to have two kids and I do. I tried dating older, she called me "her cub" At that point, I was done.

Does it include some Godiva or Valrhona based hot chocolate? I might reconsider on a temporary basis.

baileyqc said...

"I'm Dr. Romance baby, just looking for a head nurse." I can't continue to live after this. Sorry. Send blue irises to my mum in London. I'm dead and gone.

DesertBlack said...

Chele,

I know he was there you must not have seen him. The Brother in the Red DBSuit with matching Gators. Chic Rick's no longer exsists ... he had to end up somewhere.

michaeldavis said...

you beat me to the punch...we don't have YouTube at work. NEVER.GETS.OLD.

Sweet N Tart said...

Champagne with a straw. S.No.B. Files, Chele! I try and stay 5 years down and 5 years up. That's my comfort zone for now.

OneChele said...

Indeed. I'm sure it says something about me that I'll go almost ten years younger but only 5 years older...

OneChele said...

I'm too through with Mr. Leroy.

OneChele said...

I was afraid it might be like the Matrix. Once you know you can never go back to the way it was. Blue pill? Red Pill?

OneChele said...

If 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40, we don't hit Twilight until 65, right?

OneChele said...

Thanks for delurking! Got you with House Party 6 huh? Can you not just envision Kid 'n Play doing the kick dance at 50, handing out Viagra and Cialis at the door?

OneChele said...

The food looked delicious. Should've grabbed a plate and foil on my way out.

OneChele said...

Yes indeed, youth have energy. Older gents have experience. Find the ones in the middle who know when and how to use both. What is the topic again?

OneChele said...

"Burger and fries come with that shake?"

OneChele said...

Yes, we've reached that age. Too old to want the really young and too young to want the really old.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

No, no, no a hundred thousand TRILLION times no! The old heads, cat daddies, geriatric dudes, grandpas and great grand pappies have tried to sniff around me since I was 12 yrs old. It was gross then (when I was a gangly twig of a girl) and it's gross now (that I'm a less gangly slender woman). I do NOT like older men. There was one nice fellow (a professor at Xavier) who made me reconsider for half a moment (til I found out he was married), but even then he was barely forty and didn't show it. Old men are grossity mcgross gross gross. Yes, I'm too old to react like that, and yes I know I'm not only getting old as well, but will be their age one day (God willing), but I just CAN'T. I need men my age, or just slightly (as in less than five years) older. No amount of maturity, chivarly, or plain being past all the foolish shiggity is likely to make me change those rules. In the back of my mind, older men will always be the creeps and pervs who would follow me in their cars when I was walking around the neighborhood when I look like I was barely in puberty. No thank you.

OneChele said...

I almost clicked a pic of the older lady still dressing like a Solid Gold dancer long after the expiration date on the body and the outfit.

OneChele said...

Why is EWF's "Boogie Wonderland" playing in my head all of a sudden?

OneChele said...

I just had a mental image of the Deacon Do Wrong pop into my head... ugh.

OneChele said...

I hear it's a miracle drug.

OneChele said...

So glad not to date 21 year olds anymore, whew! Good luck girl.

OneChele said...

A man with a Glamour Shot? Too many levels of FAIL.

Jasmin said...

I just turned 22, and I already don't like dating guys who are younger than I am (pretty sure I'm still scarred from getting hit on by middle schoolers well into college). I think the oldest I would date would be 27 or so, though it would depend a lot on the guy's lifestyle. I'm just getting out of college, so dating someone too much older probably wouldn't work out.

OneChele said...

Ha! For the record, ironed jeans with a pleat are one of my least favorite things in the world.

OneChele said...

I can't be responsible for Mum's heartbreak. Rise and go in peace.

OneChele said...

I thought I spied Gabardine Leisure Suit guy with matching lace up Gators out of the corner of my eye but (like an eclipse) I didn't look directly at it for fear of damage to my corneas.

rozb said...

You. Me. On the same page.

Joycelyn Curry said...

I'm 32 so I won't go more than 10 years older. My parents are still in their mid 50s so anything beyond that gets into creepy territory for myself personally. However I have a girlfriend who frequently dates men in their late 40s and early 50s. We are the same age and I told her she could keep those old balls. Another girlfriend is 37 and her husband is 53, they are very happy.

rozb said...

Old school parties GOTS to have foil if food is served. I believe it was mandated during a Confunkshun/EWF concert/block party in 1978.

rozb said...

I might know this guy. Does he still keep his change in his purple Crown Royal bag in the center console of his El Dorado with the diamond in the back?

Singlikesassy said...

Grandma SLS says better to be an old man's queen than a young man's slave.

That said, I've never dated anyone more than 3 years older than me and I've never dated anyone younger than me.

rozb said...

"We are the same age and I told her she could keep those old balls."

DEAD *_*

William Martin said...

This reminds me of when I moved into my condo in Phoenix. My Mom and one of her friends came to help me unpack since I was working crazy hours. I came home that night, walked in and Prince's Do Me, Baby was playing. I walked into my bedroom and there was Aunt Thea (Mom's friend) in her 56 year old glory splayed out on my new comforter set in a teddy and some pumps. Not. Sexy. Not when the wheezing from her 25-year smoking addiction was audible. I can't describe the scene. I've tried to erase the memory for two years. When I stood frozen in dismay in the doorway, she patted the bed beside her "C'mon now Will, I got something I've wanted to show you for a long time."

I fled and called my Mommy. Think I'm shamed? Bought a new damn comforter set too. Tossed a perfectly good Prince CD and haven't been able to listen to it since.

I like older women but I draw the line at my mother's age.

OneChele said...

Oh no!!! Poor Will. She wanted to help you christen the crib? *snickers* I'm not laughing at you though. Okay, maybe a little bit.

Ms. Jay said...

Im the same age , and I DO NOT like boys our age.

OneChele said...

Well Grandma is speaking true. With a choice between having a Sugar Daddy and being a Sugar Mama - I'll take Sugar Daddy for $2000, Alex.

Desert Black said...

Crown Royal bag ..... yes! :)

Ms. Jay said...

I find most of them silly. I am 22 , but mentally I am 25. I cant deal with bullshiggity right now- Im trying to go med school

OneChele said...

I think a lot of this depends not only on how old you are but how old your parents and siblings are. For the longest time, I wouldn't date guys younger than BougieYoungerBro (3 years younger) and older than BougieOlderBro (7 years older).

rozb said...

I am cracking up! She should have turned off the lights a la Marcus in Boomerang when faced with Eartha Kitt's character.

Seriously - did your mother kick her butt? If the tables were turned, and I found some old dude friend of my dad's in my bed, I would not be able to clean enough to purge that sordid image from my head. Baggy elbows, saggy junk, and all.

Now, see - I am going to have to look at some Maxwell videos or something to get the image out of my head!

Reads4Pleasure said...

I've dated someone 14 years older that stirred the cocoa just right, but he was an exception.

My BFF is currently dating someone 22 years older and every time she talks about him, my stomach churns and I holler out, "He's my daddy's age!" He's old with children older than her & comes complete with grandchildren. And he's been unemployed the whole two years they've been together. So you've got a broke senior citizen on your hands who's just holding out until his social security kicks in? I just... :::shuddering:::: I won't be visiting them any time soon.

FreeBlackMan said...

No shame in running to Ma behind that nonsense. Ugh, dude. Ugh. Hope you Febreze/Lysol'd the joint too.

Bethany Showell said...

*logs off* I...can't. *wipes eyes*

GrownAzzMan said...

Now that is traumatic...

GrownAzzMan said...

**DEAD** at saggy junk

FreeBlackMan said...

I don't mind dating 10 down and 10 up. But when the young ones can't relate to basic history, music and movie references that drives me crazy. For instance, chick last who didn't know who Angela Davis is. -__-

Sarah said...

Oh dear. Sad and funny at the same time. I didn't know these things happened in real life.

Bethany Showell said...

Guess he thought it best highlighted his Stevie Wonder round the mouth-stache...

LikeLena said...

I'm 35. I date down to 30 and up to 50. I do like an older guy who still brings the sexy. There's cap daddy and then there's Denzel. And Denzel could still get it.

OneChele said...

*fist bump* Everyday and twice on Sunday.

Leon X said...

A comment without the Holla Man in this post is not a real post at all.

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "in the year of the lord", LOL!!!

I have gone up 11 years my senior and that is the highest. He was a divorced attorney, one kid and really, really cool! The problem was that he and ex-wife as they were still battling in court over custody issues even though the ink had been dry for some time. I liked him and didn't notice the age differences until we talked about cultural stuff like music, movies and books. He would reference 60 and 70s music, while I could hang with the 70s music but am mainly an 80s child. We parted ways and remained friends but it wasn't a bad experience at all.

Now I want someone in my age range, which is about + or - 5 years.

blackprofessor said...

One word - disgusting!

blackprofessor said...

My auntie said something similar ' Better to be an old man's sweetheart than a young man's fool."

blackprofessor said...

It could be me, but there is an expectation that older men will be mature, wiser and not full of games! Yet, I have witnessed lots of scenarios where that isn't true! I have seen old men trying to run as much if not more game than younger men. Their game is older and more refined but it suggests that age doesn't equate to maturity or wisdom with some men.

thinklikeRiley said...

Cap Daddy need lub too. But pleeze Kang Jeezus, don't lemme be old in da club saggin' jeans and grabbin' young asses at 50.
Age ain't nuttin' but a number. If female iz keeping the cocoa in a tight cup, I'm down. She could be 55, not look 55. Ya know?

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Why did I know a Denzel reference was coming?

MsThangPhilly said...

This is true. I'm the youngest of 6 and my oldest sibling is 18 years older than me. My current SO is 14 years older than me and I'm okay with that. My family (including my dad) likes him. I thought that they would have something to say (I'm the baby girl) but they didn't. Our parent are also close in age so it doesn't seem so weird. The only thing that freaks me out is the fact that while I was entering kindergaten, he was a freshman in college :-{ After getting over that, we have been good.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Sympathy son. Deepest sympathy.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

My aunt used to say "Fools come in all ages, colors and sizes."

ConvertingMe said...

Sunroof top. Digging the scene with a gangster lean?

Couldn't help myself. Sorry, goes back to reading research studies.

Joy Andrews said...

YES!

Joy Andrews said...

I dated someone 14 years older as well and it was all good and bubbly. My male bff is with a woman 24 years older. I just give them their space. She tends to treat him like a pet. "Fetch, lay down, do tricks." Yuck!

GrownAzzMan said...

Clearly grounds for termination.

Joy Andrews said...

Aw Ms. Thea was trying to get paid for her services. Bet you'll hire professional movers next time! LOL!

Joy Andrews said...

No. Ma'am!

Joy Andrews said...

Age is a state of mind more than anything else

Steve said...

Why did I click on the picture to get a better look at Cap Daddy's pink outfit?! Where did you find it?!
I date older women exclusively. My cutoff is ten years older.

Steve said...

Immediate termination.

Steve said...

So wrong for that.

Steve said...

MAJOR points for Red Pill/Blue Pill...

The Husky Bro said...

Say what you will about them old folks but they make a helluva fish sammich for Ladies Night Thursdays at The Elks

The Husky Bro said...

Yeah, dismissed. I want a 4 page report on Angela Davis by the end of the week.

AppleBerryMIA said...

At my last job, there was this 60-year old man who kept hitting on me and asking me to lunch. He was very "Holla Man" about it. He reminded me of Mr. Gaines from a Different World. Um, no thanks.

AppleBerryMIA said...

Not Fetch, lay down, do tricks. Does that work?

AppleBerryMIA said...

AMEN!

AppleBerryMIA said...

Thanks Chele, now it's in mine.

OneChele said...

Now I want a fish sammich. With hush puppies on the side.

The Husky Bro said...

22? if you dated any younger, you would be hitting up The Cheesecake Factory with placenta in skinny jeans

The Husky Bro said...

Don't ask them old dudes to replace the Wonder Bread with wheat. You haven't been called a p*ssy arsed Negro until somebody wearing a peach-colored leisure suit w/matching gators had done it.

michaeldavis said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8iwJkZuzuE

OneChele said...

My girlfriend calls them Jolly Rancher suits cuz they come in fruit flavors and last forever. Can't tell a ninja in a Sour Apple suit with matching Stacy Adams NOTHING. (Fedora with feather optional)

tiffanyinhouston said...

I seem to always have dated older. My ex is 43 now. (I'm 37.)

My rule when I was single was 5 years younger and 10 years older. Ironically myhusband and I are the same age.

Ya'll trying to clown some of these old dudes but I had a brief dalliance with a 50 year old prior to meeting my husband and we did some thangs that I probably needed to go to confession for...and I'm a Baptist!

I'm just saying.

OneChele said...

Oh some of them can most definitely get it in. And that's all I'm going to say about that...

The Husky Bro said...

When my sister was about 25, she brought home this older dude. I'm talking old like, you know some people who went to Frederick Douglas High School? This dude went to high school with Frederick Douglas. He was old. Got mad when my parents didn't call him "Sir".

David Chase said...

She said "Ninja in a Sour Apple suit" y'all.

David Chase said...

Do. Tell.

David Chase said...

Totally depends on what the lady is wearing when she says it.

David Chase said...

And now I can just hear Eartha Kitt saying "Marrrrrcusssss."

sunt97 said...

Um no. Yes I get the winks from men over 40, but I usually think it's a problem with their glaucoma. I just can't do it. I mean you are gonna have to be looking dayum good and know that you your place. I just can't be worried about whether you have taken your high blood pressure medication or if you your cholesterol meds mix with the wine. I'll take a pass till I am about 38, then we will maybe hop aboard that train. That is if my cougar instinct doesn't kick in.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

CaliGirlED said...

The title, the picture, the story...I.QUIT.YOU!!! *walks out and slams door, humming "Break Up To Make Up" cause I know I'll be back....

Gonna have to come back to this tonight, lest I get fired and have to set up that Cocoa Stand. (Donell where ya at? LOL)

rozb said...

Did he wear his pants hiked all the way up to his nipples and have one of those car seats that spin to help you get out?

rozb said...

AAAAAAHHHHH!!! Romey Rome in da house!

Cha Keziah said...

"Sweetie, you date older men? You could be my fountain of youth. Know you cook with your thick self." <-- ugh and shudder.

I've tried 2-3 years younger, but at 26, they all feel reeeeaaallllyyy young. Like, do I have to change your diaper too, baby? ugh.

I'll go 10 years older, but beyond that and it feels like I'm dating someone who should be with my mother and could be BFF with my daddy (they had me young). For some reason, though, that crowd is all over me.

Suebhoney1125 said...

I have a dear friends that only date older men. Actually has been since high school. And I do mean older we are in our mid 40's and her man is btw 67 - 70. and a friend who was creepin with an older man. I like you Chele, just can't do it either. However, I will "party" with them, but there will be absolutely no hook-ups. I have heard the one about the guarenteed money also, but I have another friend that says "they have worms" (lol). Hey you probably could have gotten 2 more blogs out of it. LOL

Evansaw said...

Dated a 61 year old man when I was 30 for about 6 months. The brother knew all the best resturants in town and was a perfect gentleman, but I always had that "yuck" factor stored somewhere in the back of my mind. (The biggest "yuck" factor; his apartment had that nursing home smell). I realized I would rather be lonely than continue to date "grandaddy". I tried to introduce him to my 67 year old aunt, but she did not want him either. I tried to break it of nicely (no cocoa was ever stirred) but he turned stalker on me, and I had to change the digits. I married a man 3 years older a year later, and have been monogomous and happy ever since.

Suebhoney1125 said...

But I bet she knew who Angela Basset was. lol

Shay said...

This was too funny. I'm new to the blog but I definitely caught up and read all your entries. I love it!!

The Husky Bro said...

(no cocoa was ever stirred)

uh huh. The check is in the mail.

Stank_0 said...

Ewwwww!

I've approached and been approached by the younger and older set. I will only consider going a 4-5 years in either direction. Exceptions are just that exceptions, and I haven't run into anyone yet to make me consider it.

MonP said...

You and me both. My dad did all the ironing in our hose and he used to try to put pleats in our jeans. He was military too, so if you didn't catch him in time those pleats had to be washed out. I was always get yelled at for just throwing jeans in the dryer to knock the wrinkles out. In his mind, if you didn't use starch you weren't doing it right. *sigh*

RASHIDAF said...

I have always seemed to date older dudes... My husband is 11 years older and the first dude to really turn my head was 20 years older. I know that this is blasphemy but ole' dude made Denzel look like Holla Man. I think that it has something to do with the fact that my parents had me late, so I would have to reach into the late 60's (when I was single) to get into the ICK territory. Holla man, Jerome, and Jolly Rancher zoot suit dude got no love from me but an older guy with a youthful nature, energy for days and possesses good genes is hard to beat. Not to mention, they have oodles of experience stirrin the cocoa. #i'mjustsayin

michaeldavis said...

junk in the truuuuunk - let me talk to you for a minute

CorettaJG said...

Same here. I'm 32. My parents just turned 60. The largest age difference for me was 6 years with my ex-husband. But I was 24. I can't on the 40-year-olds and older right now (although I did meet one who made me consider it.)

michaeldavis said...

Here's the thing: they hit on y'all because it HAS worked at some point in time. Example: my Grandpop, rest his soul, divorced from my Grandmom before I was born. Back home there are neighborhood spots where all ages are present to blow off steam from a days work, shoot pool , etc.

I used to go with him to watch him clean out young cats pockets in a game of pool. He was a legend. And even in his 60s and 70s I would watch in amazement as he could walk up to a woman 20 -30 years younger and pull them. He was not rich or tricking off dollars, or an overly smooth dresser, but he could PULL.

Just saying, it happens.

YardieChicie said...

The minute I read 'in the year of our Lord', I knew bullshiggity was coming.

Beentheredoneittwice said...

Had a 41 year old use the jam/jelly line last week and he fell within my +/- 5 year sliding scale...I give up!

GrownAzzMan said...

*Reaches for number at CaliGirl's cocoa stand* Now serving...

Shondriette D Kelley said...

The oldest man I ever done was 18 years my senior. I was 32, he was 50 but looked 40. Generally I don't move beyond the 10 year point but he looked 40, was sexy, athletic (certified scuba-diver) and quite interesting. We dated for about 8 months but it ended when it was obvious that he couldn't commit (at least not to me). I could possibly date much older again but I doubt it.

MCYBW said...

iDied.com

Monica said...

There is older and then there is just plain OLD.

I think I'm at the high end of my comfort zone age wise with my hubby. He is 12 years my senior. I'd always dated older men; it just worked out that way. If heaven forbid, I ever find myself in the dating world again I'm going younger (10yrs). I have a youthful spirit, I wouldn't want someone who is old in mind, body, and soul.

Foxy Brown said...

the youngest i've dated was 20 (7 years my junior). the oldest person was 50. i was in college at the time. he was a gentleman and showed me what it meant to be treated like lady. he never tried to stir the cocoa. he introduced me to the life of bouge.

i'm now with someone who is 5 years my senior. this works for me. i will never, ever date younger again. ever. five to seven years older is good for me, but pam grier and robin roberts can stir my cocoa anytime they want.

Tonda Williams said...

*screamin* @ beef jerky..

MCYBW said...

I wasn't even there and I need eye bleach from this description. *uses eye bleach and passes it around*

OneChele said...

Welcome

Melzie said...

ROFL! I don't mind cutting a rug with the older set, but stirring of the cocoa is out of the question (too many meds to keep the spoon at a constant pace...ok, bad visual but you know what I mean).

OneChele said...

Now when I re-run this post in 10 years, I wonder whose tune will have changed ;-)

CaliGirlED said...

"...looking like beef jerky." *dead*

CaliGirlED said...

*shuddering*

CaliGirlED said...

Just sick!

CaliGirlED said...

7 hours later and now I'm hearing the song and picturing EWF on Soul Train! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

I died at, "...granddad feet w/the claw toes squeezed into pointy-toed boots"!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Ooh oooh...unfortunately now I've envisioned Jerome (from Martin).

GammasWorld said...

Hesitated about reading the comments for fear that y'all would be hurting Gamma's feelings but I'm good. HollaFails, bad clothes, and lack of Bouge comes in all ages -- that's all I'm sayin. As far as me, I'm more about the attitude right now and that seems to be in my my lane so to speak. We must be able to enjoy Cameo (in our living room) but appreciate the good new music (what little there is). He doesn't have to be old enough to have participated in the Civil Rights struggle but he better damn well sure know how it was. My ex husband is only 7 years older than me in age but in attitude a good 20 -- that's a no. The youngest I ever dated was about 7 years too -- also a big no ... he wasn't done so to speak and needed a lot more seasoning. And couldn't stir cocoa worth a damn.

CaliGirlED said...

I have a Crown Royal bag, finally emptied the change out and put it in to my daughter's savings acct. Yeah I kicked some butt at Pitty Pat!

CaliGirlED said...

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse!!!

Well she could've been playing Dr. Feel Good by Aretha Franklin. *hehe*

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!! SMH

CaliGirlED said...

Something about that man! SMDH

CaliGirlED said...

DEAD at sour apple suit!

CaliGirlED said...

Ha! A Different World is on my tv right now and Mr. Gaines just walked out!

CaliGirlED said...

Thanks Michael, I had just gotten Jerome out of my head! *kicks trash can*

CaliGirlED said...

Aw sookey sookey nah!!!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"There is older and then there is just plain OLD." This.right.here.

CaliGirlED said...

Great laughs yall!!!...I will date +/- 10 years. If he's younger, he's gotta be mature enough to hold a good conversation and not try to over-act to seem older. If he's older, he's gotta be...well..."Denzelish" and young spirited. In either direction, no good cocoa, no CaliGirl. I am in my Great Cocoa Era, I would just as soon not have any at all, then to have some that's not good! IJS

CrisRDavis said...

"Know you cook with your thick self."
*DONE*

monna said...

This post is doing the most, and that picture. Lawd have mercy. I can go 3 years younger and prefers 4-7 years older.

monna said...

Nooooo!!!!!!!!!Not mama's BFF. sheesh.

Only the Tall said...

Ok, Denzel in the movie "Devil in a Blue Dress" on the couch gettin' it good, anytime, anyplace! That scene right there! Ok, I gotta go and calm down.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

This day was about to wind down and then BnB arrived in my mailbox (wish that I could get it in the morning when it is truly fresh Bouge) - and BAM! Now, with AARP card in hand, where to begin? The opening photo: where oh where did you find Leroy?? Those shoes are matched only by that hat (and please say that he's not wearing a stocking cap up under there)! Now Kool Moe Dee: oh my yes, the Wild Wild West! Your Chicago folks may know the ski club called 'The Gang' - over 400 landed in Steamboat Springs, CO in 1988 when this song was popping during the NBS Summit, and they turned out the Western Region night party with dusters and hats like this. I don't know what subset those folks represent, but bouge boomers they are not! This post gave me my second laugh of the day (the first came from reading tweets after the Patriots mugged my team, but I digress). And for the record, I must point out that they dressed and acted like the old folks that were still trying to hang when I was sidestepping offers of Viagra cocoa (eeww, just the flashbacks bring on the shivers). Good thing that you went to get your girl because she would have hated herself in the morning if...just. cant. go. there. Now there is something to be said for a friendship of a different age, however the standards don't relax, and sometimes the cocoa is no longer a component to be considered. It could have been worse: when I was your age, they were wearing polyester!!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LktuatDj6m4

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Mama should have been behind him and snatched old girl up in her lingerie and had her exit - stage near nekkid! *Searching for eyecovers and earplugs because I'm surely going to have nightmares now*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"22? if you dated any younger, you would be hitting up The Cheesecake Factory with placenta in skinny jeans" *leaves to call hunky paramedics before I fall DEAD at this one*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"Old men are grossity mcgross gross gross." Sounds like Kronk from 'The Emperor's New School' talking!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L915AzgE5-4

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

*multiple casualties at iDied.com - ROFL!!*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

You HAD to go and get the curl solution!!! *Dead once again in BougieLand*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Rozb FTW!!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

False advertising!

MotownMs said...

Co-sign...and that is all ahm sayin'...-_0

CaliGirlED said...

LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Bam!

LA said...

I am cracking up!!! I have never dated anyone who was my own age. Even in HS and college I dated guys that were at least 2 yrs older. But I had a limit...have never dated a man older than 40 (when I met him). In my early 20s the age gap between us was 15+ years, but as I got older, the gap got shorter, but 40 was still my limit. 40 is mature, but not old, IMO--still young enough to hang out past 10pm but he's not interested in going to the clubs every single week (in most cases). I met my husband at 30 and he's 6 yrs older than I am. If I weren't married, dating men more than 10 yrs older (45) at this point I couldn't do. My mom is 64 and her long-term BF is 58...there is no way I could imagine myself with the same men she dates. *shudders at the thought*

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