Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Is there any such thing as "Just a Kiss"?


It's Michele's annual "catching up with friends" week. One of my college girlfriends (we'll call her Elise) has been reading the blog. The first thing she said when she picked up the phone, "Have I got a BougieTale for you!" Ruh-Roh.

Elise has been married to Ben for thirteen years. They've quite honestly fallen in and out of love with each other a few times in this period of time. To their credit, they always stick it out through the "I can't stand you" times secure in the fact that the "I love you so much" times were coming back around. Accordingly to Elise, she thought they were finally leveling out, enjoying a period of steady contentment. Until she walked into a restaurant and saw her husband kissing another woman. Not a peck on the cheek, but a lingering lip lock bordering on inappropriate for public.

She confronted him instantly and they decided to go home and discuss rather than share this moment with 100 interested diners in a trendy Buckhead bistro. When they got home, he said this was a woman he met recently and at this point it was an "innocent flirtation". She sent him the inevitable side-eye and he responded, "It was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything. A kiss isn't cheating." She agreed at the moment. (I bit my tongue so she could finish.) But now she's wondering just what that kiss meant. She and Ben haven't discussed it since. She asked me what I thought.

I'm just old fashioned, I guess. Kisses always mean something as far as I'm concerned. They need context. A peck is a hello or goodbye. A heartfelt press and hold with lips closed is an affectionate expression. Slobbing with requisite bump-n-grind is a cue for cocoa.

But a real kiss? Slow, sweet and steamy like she described? That's emotional. I think a kiss is an intimate extraordinarily sexy thing (when done right). Want to know how someone really feels about you? Kiss them for five minutes straight with all your clothes on, just kissing. It's everything. It can totally shift the direction of a relationship from casual to serious. As a friend of mine used to say, "Some people you kiss with your lips, others you kiss with your soul." C'mon now, a kiss that's got heat and heart and soul and stamina? Whew. [Why do I feel like breaking into the final refrain of Purple Rain? "If you know what I'm singin' about up here, c'mon raise your hand." No? How 'bout Nelly - It's gettin' hot in herre... Never mind.]

Anyway... I told Elise, "A kiss is a gateway drug. And what would have happened had you not walked in at that very moment? Even if you don't worry about the kiss itself... what comes after?" And then I went on a 20 minute rant on the ways I felt the situation was completely jacked up. 

She decided that they probably needed to have more conversation about this. No. Doubt.

BougieLand, is a kiss ever just a kiss? If you walked in on your S.O. kissing someone else, what would you think? What would you do? Since when is kissing someone else not cheating? Do we really need to define cheating per level of intimate act? Can you forgive "just a kiss" as opposed to full cocoa? Thoughts, comments, insights?

199 comments:

tiffanyinhouston said...

Maybe it's just me, but if I walk into a fine dining establishment and see my husband kissing another woman and he tells me "it was just a kiss" then I need someone to knock ME upside the head for being insane. A kiss like THAT leads to someone tripping and falling ONTO some d*ck or INTO some cocoa. Do I need to come and knock Elise in the head. Gurl, you better get to the bottom of ALLA that.

Jubilance1922 said...

A kiss always means something in my world. ALWAYS. If I'm putting my lips on someone & letting them put their lips on me, there's a reason & intent. The only innocent kiss is when you kiss your grandmother on the cheek.

Would she had been ok with it if she walked in on him stirring the cocoa with that woman, and he said "Its just cocoa, it doesn't matter." See how crazy that sounds?

GUEST said...

physical contact with another person out side of your partner is cheating.. Cheating can be physical and emotional.. But no doubt her Dude knew damn well what that kiss was going to do. Men Know that kissing can more often then not be the key to the coochie and or other doors that wouldn't have been unlocked .

Jasmin said...

Heck no it wasn't just a kiss! He slobbed down another woman in a public place (since she showed up, I'm guessing they've been there as a couple, which almost makes it worse), which sends out a giant batsignal: "This is my woman!" That wasn't the beginning--that was a push towards second (or third) base. Glad you did what a real friend would do and told her the truth (though I'm betting she already had an inkling).

If my man did the same, I'd be writing you from Bougie Prison with his lips in my jumpsuit pocket.

BrendaKay said...

If a man and I are sharing lip time ~ it is most definitely, most certainly, most assuredly ~ SOMETHING!
The right sort of kiss, under the right set of circumstance is a direct prelude to intimacy. If Elise hadn't walked in to that eating establishment at the moment that she did, Ben and his "new found friend" would have been doing the horizontal tango shortly thereafter.

But beyond all of that, and far more important in my mind, what in the h*ll is Ben doing hooking up with "innocent flirtation" especially since he's one half of a marriage? Rough patches in a relationship are understandable. But bringing another person into your world, when you are still legally bound to another is all sorts of red flags and sirens blaring.

I'll leave the technical terms to our resident Marriage Counselor ~ but it would seem to me that Elise is in one place about her marriage and Ben is definitely in another.

rozb said...

I dunno - they might have to make me aware of my actions after I turn into some She-Hulk creature and began smashing all their food on that table. I would have come to with some weave and bits of scalp in one hand and a piece of his trachea in the other.

But I kid...kissing someone is an even more intimate act than just having sex with someone. It denotes that you are more than willing to exchange breath and tongue with someone other than me, and more than willing to come BACK to the house and share all those biological samples with me. A kiss is just a kiss when you peck a baby on the forehead or kiss an elderly relative on the cheek, but when you are nose-to-nose, eyes closed, and breathing the same exact air, it has now gone into an area that is supposed to be only between you and your S.O. or spouse.

Ben sounds like he has been doing this for some time now, and just happened to get caught. "I was only kissing her, but I love you!" A crack to the forehead to Ben...SMH...

blackprofessor said...

It could be me, but there is so much missing from this story that it doesn't sound right. At any rate, a kiss is not just a kiss! I think what stands out for me is the fact that he felt comfortable doing it in PUBLIC!! No thought to who might see, who might be in the restaurant or anything. Cheating is cheating is cheating! Emotional or physical, you have stepped out on your partner and that is a form of infidelity. He is trying to do an Eddie Murphy on her and she is falling for it.

I wonder if this is his pattern to get someone on the side when they have had their "down" times to help him through. I wouldn't be surprised because of the brazenness of his behavior in this instance. Elise has a lot of questions to ask but I wonder if she really wants to go there.

rozb said...

I can imagine you trussed up like Hannibal Lechter with that mask over your face.

I know the newscast would have me in prison stripes (here in the VA), my afro with one french braid in the front, in sore need of some Carmex.

rozb said...

It's behavior like this that provides shows like Snapped and Deadly Women with so much material.

"A kiss like THAT leads to someone tripping and falling ONTO some d*ck or INTO some cocoa." No more needs to be said.

leressa said...

This was most definately cheating.... I have never in my life exchanged a kiss with someone without it meaning SOMETHING.....especially a kiss like that, and in public no less... for all the world to see!!! I couldn't agree with your assesment more.. a kiss like that is definately a gateway drug. Had she not walked in and confronted them that sounds like they were on a slippery slope to getting naked and nasty A.S.A.P. Innocent flirtation my a$$.......That is a MAJOR relationship fail.

Leon X said...

I will let George Clinton express my feelings on kissing. http://splicd.com/0kgqX7LwFsg/267/297

FlirtyNerd said...

A kiss is an upstairs persuasion for a downstairs invasion. If you catch my drift.

If he was passionately kissing this woman IN PUBLIC, then they've already shared SOME semblance of an emotional (and very likely, physical) connection. Elise needs to ask more questions.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Lips on lips, it is darn near impossible for a kiss to be just a kiss. We aren't in middle-school/high-school/college, so there is no more spin the bottle or Truth or Dare or any such reindeer games. In adult, especially for those of us involved in serious relationships, you can't be reckless with what you put your mouth on.

Now, Elise's husband is a low down dirty dog, and I am sooooo mad that she agreed with him when he was trying to get out of being called on his doggishness. First of all, Atlanta is not but yea-big (especially for the bougie folks), so wherever you are, there is a strong likelihood that someone else you know or are connected to is there as well. Knowing that, homeboy did his dirt in PUBLIC in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY. Sounds like he didn't give an eff, and Elise needs to Al-Green his behind with the quickness.

SMH, a kiss is still a kiss. Let him have walked in on her kissing some dude in a restaurant. That sorry excuse wouldn't have been halfway out of her mouth before she would have been served with divorce papers.

OSHH said...

Her husband definetly crossed a line, a serious infringement.
ITA with all your sentiments on a kiss.
To quote another Prince lyric from Automatic, "we kiss not with our lips but with our souls"....your other friend was dead on.

Donell Creech said...

"guuuurl, who you gone believe...me or your lying eyes?" or "yea baby, ok...i effed her...but i makes looooooove to you gurl!" so broke-ass pimp lines DO work in real life....umph. who knew.

suebhoney said...

A kiss is very personal (ala Pretty Woman) and "it was just a kiss"? yeah right, maybe in public, but what has he been doing in private, and there had to be some heavy duty flirting, phone convo's and "sneaky sneak" going on for this "husband" to be out to dinner in an upscale restaurant WITHOUT his wife? come on Ben, we are not falling for the "banana in the tailpipe". Ben was CHEATING Elise and don't let him convince you it was otherwise. Because if I walked into a restaurant and saw my husband slobbin up another woman-pack my *hit, cause I'm moving out of Bougeland straight into Ghettoland. I'd still be paying that restaurant for damages (LOL). He was disrepectful.

Jennifer said...

If 'only a kiss' is nothing significant, then your girl's husband doesn't care if she does the same to some man he is unfamiliar with.... right?
End of discussion.

Bethany Showell said...

Just a kiss? No such thing. Bet he wouldn't do it again what with having no lips or teeth. Hmph.

Michele said...

There is no such thing as "just a kiss". Period. If I walked in and saw my S/O in a lip lock with another woman I would lose it. It's cheating, pure and simple and no amount of discussion is going to change my mind about that fact.

YardieChicie said...

Amen, especially that last line.

YardieChicie said...

*side-eyes The Husband*

aishao1122 said...

I personally think a kiss is worse, because it means your taking the time to get to know them. It is emotional, (hey it's one of the reasons...I know I know... side eye for even saying it, that many "ladies of the night" don't kiss) it's intimate, it's the chance to learn more about your partner, and even share a preview of whats to come.
They have some serious issues. the fact that he even went on a date, is indicative of the marriage being over. There's no coming back from that, flirting I can understand, hell, everybody flirts, but a date.. you showered, dressed, and found time to make reservations , means you really thought that through.

Nope. She's better than me, she had a discussion about it. i would have been a What Happens When The Bougie Slips tale.

rochee said...

Okay, let me charitable

rochee said...

Okay, Let me charitable and "accept" this man's excuse that this was simple a "flirtation"...Even if this was a flirtation it is incredibly problematic. He clearly lied or was planning on lying about where he was and who he was with. He was on an "intimate" dinner with some woman that he felt the need to flirt with...DANGEROUS AND DELIBERATE...he was clearly playing with fire and planning to engage in an affair of some type. Also, I am from the school where I don't kiss anyone on the first date or encounter, so this was probably more than just a one time thing. So flirtatious or not, he is a cheater or a cheater in the making.

William Martin said...

So I was about to hop on the high horse and say that I've kissed women when it didn't mean anything except I was trying to get to the cocoa. And then I re-read what I typed. Oops. Bad Ben.

Grace said...

If he said he slept with her and it meant nothing, I'd be more inclined to believe him. But kissing a woman slowly in public?! That's emotional "I don't care who knows" investment. Bless Elise, I couldn't stay.

JustPassingBy said...

The picture, Chele. Where did you find the Hershey's Kiss font?
Oh and in your words? I rebuke Ben's lips and Elise's delusional ass.

thinklikeRiley said...

Where da chick with the bullhorn calling BULLSHIGGITY?
Lookie here, there are chicks I d**k down and never kiss.
That ish is personal. I don't know where dem lips been.
If we kissin' it's more than a smash-n-run.
Ben gone, Elise. He gone.

michaeldavis said...

a kiss is not a kiss...and an intimate kiss in PUBLIC kiss is worse. This is not the I'm walking you back to your car situational kiss-in-the-parking-lot deal. In a popular restaurant? that's the "cocoa-been-stirred" and cinnamon sprinkles on top type thing, on some "until-we-meet-again" type of flow. Bad news.

OneChele said...

Okay!? I just wonder what would have to happen to me that I would listen to my S.O. say "A kiss isn't cheating" and not lose it. Starting with the hysterical repetitive shrieking, "Are YOU kidding me?" and devolving from there...

OneChele said...

I'd almost rather he stir cocoa in private than kiss in public. Either way I'm going to need more than a one sentence explanation.

OneChele said...

Lawd - not the key to the coochie?! Ha!

OneChele said...

Um? I'm not so sure there is such a thing as Bougie Prison? Let me look into that - Ha!

Pretty Primadonna said...

"what in teh h*ll is Ben doing hooking up with 'innocent flirtation' especially since he's one half of a marriage?"

I was thinking the exact same thing. So...you're married, but you're on a date with a woman other than your wife? *bbm confused face*

OneChele said...

Preach BrendaKay! I definitely need to write a post about "innocent flirtation" as men and women tend to boundary cross with that (way too much) in my opinion

Pretty Primadonna said...

AND the public kiss? This is entirely too much... Ben is very BOLD.

OneChele said...

Without getting all graphic - I think kissing is more intimate too. It has to be done face to face, for one thing. Before I go further down this road, let me just say... I agree.

OneChele said...

It's almost as if they've decided that when they aren't vibin' all bets are off fidelity wise but this time only one of them knew they were in that place. I don't know. I'm sure I got the watered down version.

Queen of Me said...

I'm sorry, this falls into the category of "I wish a MFer would..."

Monna said...

A childhood friend of mine, male, once told me "he does not kiss his jump offs. Kissing is a very intimate act. I do not believe in that line a kiss is just a kiss. Like you said, this is a gateway for something more.

Man's World said...

Um. True dat. Sad to say in my younger days, I didn't have to like you to stir the cocoa. After all, it was just about the cocoa. I do have to like you to kiss you. At length. In public. With tongue. That's whoa.

William Martin said...

Oh and thanks for the "slow, sweet, sexy" imagery burned into my brain. I gotta lock down a cocoa source sooner rather than later. *walks away whistling Hot in Herre*

OneChele said...

MAJOR! As in Epic.

OneChele said...

Sexy.

monna said...

"My afro with one french braid in the front, in sore need of some carmex"- the visual is killing me. Why lawwwwd?

OneChele said...

Nice. Stealing it.

OneChele said...

Okay, this right here>>> you can't be reckless with what you put your mouth on

OneChele said...

True!

OneChele said...

Who knew indeed?!

Lady4Real said...

BougieLand, is a kiss ever just a kiss? If you walked in on your S.O. kissing someone else, what would you think? What would you do? Since when is kissing someone else not cheating? Do we really need to define cheating per level of intimate act? Can you forgive "just a kiss" as opposed to full cocoa? Thoughts, comments, insights?

This post is perfect for me. My hubby and I have known each other since the 2nd grade, he is now 28 and I am 27. We started dating in '97, we broke in '01, got back together in '09 and were married in July '10. Why did we break up? HE KISSED MY BEST FRIEND. Kissed her, told one of my other close friends so she would tell me and then I would call him and he could tell me and apologize because he was oh.so.very.sorry. I believed him and stayed with him until my new found insecurities got the best of me and I broke up with him. How'd we get back together? he.kissed.me. At 1st it was just a peck on the cheek, but that was just the snowball on the top of a mountain that became an avanlanche, the kiss that got us back together was NC-17. It's always been a kiss with us though, he was my 1st kiss, my 1st and my 1st love, 'til this day his kisses can cover a multitude of sins or start a multitude of sins (TMI, I apologize). I hated kissing my ex-husband, dodged it everytime I got the chance, that should have told me something. So to answer the questions: A kiss is NEVER just a kiss, If I walked in I'm asking questions and possibly kickin' @$$, I would get counseling or call it quits, kissing is cheating, no, cheating is cheating. I can forgive just a kiss, if I don't discover the kiss, if he confesses, is remorseful and willing to get help for our relationship I can forgive but I won't forget, if he went full cocoa, he goin' out the door.

OneChele said...

*fist bump* for "banana in the tailpipe" reference!

Lady4Real said...

I absolutely love you Riley, you.keep.it. real, 100%

OneChele said...

I always say - if the situation was reversed, would it still be okay? Let Ben have walked in and seen her licking lips with some dude...

OneChele said...

Ha!

OneChele said...

I think his best case would have been to plead temporary insanity and apologize.

OneChele said...

Serious side-eye.

OneChele said...

Ha! Not Bougie Slippage?!

OneChele said...

The whole flirtation thing struck me the wrong way.

Lady4Real said...

"I would have been a what happens when the bougie slips tale" *dead* I couldn't say it any better.

OneChele said...

Exactly!

ConvertingMe said...

A kiss, when all is said, what is it?
A rosy dot placed on the "i" in loving;
'Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.
~Edmond Rostand

OneChele said...

Food for thought.

OneChele said...

I googled "kiss font" ;-)

OneChele said...

"I don't know where dem lips been" <~~I see you.

OneChele said...

EXACTLY!!! This is deliberate intimacy which denotes something far more than an "innocent flirtation"

OneChele said...

Amen and amen. Right next to the category of "Try it and see what happens"

OneChele said...

No kissing for jump offs - noted.

OneChele said...

Um, Dr. Martin? You been on the cocoa prowl for a minute there now. Shall we put out the Bougie Searchlight (a la Batman) in Phoenix?

OneChele said...

Well there it is!

Lady4Real said...

I agree what a kiss under the right set of circumstance is a driect prelude to intimacy. A kiss is a make or break, friends kiss to see if there is anything there, couples kiss to see if they still have 'it'. Kisses are as intimate as you can get without stirring cocoa, even a kiss on the cheek can say if there is fire somewhere or not. (believe me I know, it don't gotta be a kiss on the lips to say, "i love you, i want you, come here".)

AppleBerryMIA said...

I wish I would stroll into a South Beach cafe and see Rob's lips on another woman. Oh but hell to the naw! I'm not saying I draw blood, I'm saying they both betta run. Yeah, I said betta.

JaymeC said...

I define cheating as any form of betrayal outside of the marriage covenant. This includes lust in the mind, lingering of the lips, longer than necessary hugs and handshakes. I don't play. This is my husband. Everything on him from rooter to tooter belongs to him and me as bound by God. It's just that seriously. People need to quit playing like it's not.

Ben is wrong. Elise is way too lax. Kissy Girl in public needs to ask more questions too. Round table of FAIL.

Oh, to answer the question - no a kiss is never just a kiss. It says something.
I'm stealing "a kiss is a gateway drug" - thanks.

Cynthia-Nycole said...

Its never "just a kiss" when you're married. If the role was reverse...Im pretty sure Ben (If thats his real name lol) would be highly upset about seeing his woman having "just a kiss" with another man in a restaurant. Let's be real people...How long has he been doing this? It's probably not the first time that he did it. He just got caught this time.....

KAPSpecial said...

Umm…okay. Is your girl on some kind of prescribed chill pill (I’m not up on the latest prescription drugs)? Before I go on let me say I do not subscribe to the belief that all black women should be (or are) public scene drama queens. I think it’s great that they took it on home to deal with a very personal matter. However, it seems like this was the mellowest “caught my man cheating” moment in history. Seriously, I’m not saying I’d leave my husband of 13 years after seeing such a display of disrespect, but I’d be so hurt and appalled that just one conversation where the dude doesn’t even own up to the wrong would not cut it for me.

“An innocent flirtation.” Can you say understatement of the century!!! Flirtation is what happens before you bust slob at a restaurant. And your girl was like “Okay that seems about right. I’m not happy about it, but that explanation works.” Ben is with the right one. Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and say that reaction was due to her being in shock. Now that she seems to be out of shock she needs to go ahead and circle back to Ben and get to the bottom of things. We're going to need a follow-up on this here tale.

In my book, cheating can occur without ever getting physical. And with all this technology cheating can occur without ever meeting in person. Now it comes down to what the other person is willing to deal with or what they personally consider cheating. A person may be angry that their S.O. is having an inappropriate relationship over [Facebook, sex chat site, email], but wouldn't consider leaving or getting really upset unless actual "cocoa" was involved. So I suppose it comes down to each individual's own cheat meter.

Jason P said...

Without getting all mushy - a kiss is personal. Not that cocoa isn't. But I can tell exactly how into me a woman is and how into her I am from a long, slow, deep kiss that takes us both on a journey. I can make you lust after me with my d! game but can make you love me with a kiss.

Violet Rose said...

Well, NOW it's hot in here.

Violet Rose said...

YESSSS!

Violet Rose said...

Do we have a Bougie Batlight?! What is it - a purple pump? LOL
That would totally rock - if we could just beam a pump into the sky and bougie things started to happen.

Violet Rose said...

That is whoa!

SassyNOLa said...

If I saw my husband/boyfriend intimately kissing someone in public, that level of comfort would tell me that alot more than just kissing has gone on. You don't kiss someone you're seeing on the side like that in public unless some holy hell of a comfort level has been reached. That probably means that more has been done behind closed doors. Kissing like that is not okay. If I walked into a club and saw him drunk and sloppy kissing a random, that would still be cheating and not okay, but an event that could plausibly be one-time and could be discussed. The kiss described by your friend is a very public display of an AFFAIR.

blackprofessor said...

I can make you lust after me with my d! game but can make you love me with a kiss - Enough said!

David Chase said...

I'm sorry. I don't understand. She walks into a restaurant and sees her husband kissing another man and then BUYS it when he says it's nothing? Either he's a pimp, she's a wimp or they live in the Twilight Zone. I leaned in to air kiss my ex-girlfriend's cousin's cheek once and I was on cocoa restrictions for two weeks.

David Chase said...

Respect.

baileyqc said...

Imma need Elise to wake up and smell the infidelity.

CorettaJG said...

Agreed. This does not compute. I'm confused as to why there is even any question here. She walked into a restaurant and saw him romantically kissing another woman in what he described as an "innocent flirtation." In my eyes that is a betrayal of the marriage vows and cheating. I don't care if it didn't involve cocoa (there are emotional affairs that can be even more damaging). While she can decide how she wants to handle this betrayal, it is, in fact, a betrayal. And if that is what she saw him doing in public, imagine what he's doing in private. No ma'am. This is out of order and must be dealt with seriously.

CorettaJG said...

Mmm-hmm.

Andrea M said...

*throws Vicki's Secret thong in Jason's direction* Alright then

CorettaJG said...

I concur!

Javalicious said...

Phoenix you say? *waving from Scottsdale*

Javalicious said...

"deliberate intimacy" I like that

MochaMuffin said...

LMAO! Too funny

MochaMuffin said...

From the rooter to the tooter!

Penny said...

I agree. Generally speaking, we women often find the emotional betrayal much more devastating than anything else. Wonder where the Ben and the lady involved were headed after the restaurant if Elise had not walked in on them??

CorettaJG said...

I was thinking Pretty Woman too. And I definitely would have caused a scene before I could even think about being calm and taking this to the house for discussion. He would want me to remain in public for his own protection because Lord knows what would happen in the kitchen with all of those knives...and pots...and grits.

Moabmu said...

THIS.RIGHT.HERE!! Kissing is cheating!

Additionally, even if I were able to forgive what I witnessed, my mind just wouldn't let it rest.

If her husband is comfortable enough to be OUT IN PUBLIC lip-locking with someone other than her - "Houston, we have a problem!" - a problem much deeper than his trite, "It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything" remark. We'd be headed to either some serious counseling or divorce court. I don't usually have shades of gray.

MeetCharlieL said...

You said it all with "Kissing is a gateway drug" it's really the promise of more to follow.

Christine Cave said...

Kissing (as the way your friend described) is VERY intimate! Who knows where her husband and the other woman would have went if your friend didn't interrupt!

I don't go all willy-nilly kissing everyone just because its "innocent".

It was a betrayal of their marriage. Plain and simple. I hope your 20 minute rant got through to her!

CaliGirlED said...

Ever seen the movie Pretty Woman, with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? Well there's a scene where Julia's character (a prostitute named Vivian) told Richard's character (Edward, Vivian's "John") that she does everything except kiss on the mouth. Further explaining that kissing on the mouth was intimate and personal...Later on in the movie, when they start to develop real feelings for each other, they did in fact kiss.on.the.mouth., there by expressing said feelings...I agree with Vivian, kissing on the mouth, of any variation and duration, is personal and intimate, and IS DEFINITELY cheating.

Let me see what everyone else had to say.

CaliGirlED said...

Girl, I'm trying to figure out when he would have a chance to tell me anything! I've never been married, but typically I don't do public confrontation, however if I stood before God and vowed my life to someone, and lived as such, and saw him lip locked with someone, there would be all kinds of hell to pay, publicly and privately!!!

Mykeia said...

Dead at---> "And your girl was like “Okay that seems about right. I’m not happy about it, but that explanation works.” Ben is with the right one"
My co-worker had to run in here...

CaliGirlED said...

IJS!!!

datdudeincali said...

I know, right? She'll start a post all innocent and all of a sudden it's NC-17 round BnB.

CaliGirlED said...

"If my man did the same, I'd be writing you from Bougie Prison with his lips in my jumpsuit pocket." *DEAD*

And I agree about him being at a spot where she happened up on. Dude wasn't even trying to hide his shiggity!

CaliGirlED said...

As always you went left with yours, why the afro with one french braid in the front? LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

A soft kiss on the forehead, will get me EVERYTIME!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"A kiss is an upstairs persuasion for a downstairs invasion." LOVE IT!

CaliGirlED said...

Yeah I bet if her husband saw a picture with her just kissing some other man's lower part, she wouldn't have been able to say it was "just a kiss"!

CaliGirlED said...

I'm glad you would have packed your bags, I would have moved into Ghettoland with the clothes on my back! Or maybe I would have taken the time to change into my clown suit (3 sizes too small), but I just don't think my rage would have waited.

CaliGirlED said...

IJS!

CaliGirlED said...

Would I get to offer same apology for my insanity after having "Snapped" on him? If yes, then apology accepted. Fair exchange ain't no robbery.

CaliGirlED said...

"What Happens When The Bougie Slips tale. " LOVE IT!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Nuff said!

datdudeincali said...

Not to get kicked out of BougieLand but can we all just get real for a minute?

Ben must be stirring the cocoa correctly on the good and regular. That's a lot of forgiveness and back and forthing. Anyone who knows Atlanta knows that Buckhead is not that large and every bougie body knows someone who knows you. Buckhead is very "see and be seen"

Homie out giving soul kisses in one of the neighborhood hotspots? He don't gibbadam who sees him? Innocent flirtation my ass, that level of disrespect needs more than a whack-ass one sentence explanation.

Now personally. I kiss to tell a woman something:
"I had a great time"
"I want you"
"Let me just get a taste"
"Think of me while I'm gone"
"You know you want this cocoa"
"I love you"
"Can't wait for what's next"
"I'm sorry"
"You're a great girl"
"Enjoy the kiss, I'm gone after this"
"When are we gettin' nekkid"
"So glad I met you"

Could be any one or a combination of messages. Yea I put all that in the mix. I can smash anybody. I kiss someone I want more of.... one way or the other (usually). Ben ain't slick. And if Elise thinks this was just a kiss in a restaurant, she needs far more help than this blog can give her.

CaliGirlED said...

Ha!!! I see you Java!

CaliGirlED said...

Wow!

cocoaeyecandy said...

O__O!!!

cocoaeyecandy said...

Yessir

cocoaeyecandy said...

*gulps*

cocoaeyecandy said...

Get it Jayme.

cocoaeyecandy said...

I get the impression that Rob is no fool ;-)

CaliGirlED said...

"Everything on him from rooter to tooter belongs to him and me as bound by God." I would laugh, but this ain't no joke!

An old co-worker asked me to go to lunch with him. I told him when he brought me back a field trip slip signed by his wife, we could go. All he could do was laugh.

cocoaeyecandy said...

Snuggled up next to "Quit playin'"

CaliGirlED said...

Lust, love, kiss, long, slow, deep, journey....what was I doing?

cocoaeyecandy said...

That says it in a nutshell

CaliGirlED said...

Oh my damn! Between Jason and datdude, I'm going to need a cold damn shower!

cocoaeyecandy said...

You do have the best graphics to go with your posts!

cocoaeyecandy said...

As you say - Laser beam!

cocoaeyecandy said...

I hope Elise comes through and reads comments from both the men and the women. She is doing herself a HUGE disservice. IMHO

rozb said...

Yeah - but considering where Vivian was putting her mouth, a kiss is sort of anti-climatic, isn't it? O_0

FreeBlackMan said...

She already knows what up and just wanted a co-signer.

FreeBlackMan said...

Game recognize game.

FreeBlackMan said...

Ha ha playa - you DO know where "dem lips been" that's why you ain't trying to love on those.

md_KG said...

@rozb, girl you're so wrong for that. Soooo wrong...LOL.

md_KG said...

SHAZAM!!

Suzie S said...

This list makes me think I'm not being kissed correctly. Jesu Christo...

OneChele said...

*flicks on lighter and starts humming Purple Rain*

OneChele said...

Ha!

OneChele said...

I would agree.

CorettaJG said...

Oh my.

md_KG said...

Chele, when we had the Twitter convo, I hadn't read the post and didn't even realize THE kiss was this bad. BougieLand has already given the verdict. No amount of bail can redeem his ass. Ain't much to be said anymore.

The kiss was bad enough but what is even more disconcerting is him being a married man (of 13 yrs no doubt) and still messing around like that. Whatever happened to commitment and honesty?? I guess they just flew out the window huh?

"Elise" said...

Wow, others have said this but nothing really prepares you for seeing your life in print and dissected. When I told Chele she could use the story, not sure what I expected. But reading the post and the subsequent comments makes me see things from an entirely different perspective. And it's not pretty. I appreciate everyone's input especially Jayme and the men of BnB.

BB Waite said...

Stay up, girl. We probably sound harsh but it's out of wanting the best for you. If anything today helps to make you and your marriage stronger and better, that's all we pray for.
(You might want to send "Ben" round for a reality check too)
Let us know how it works out.

BB Waite said...

Fellas getting all stirred up today. Let me find Mr. Waite and try out one of those "let me just get a taste" kisses. Um-hmm.

md_KG said...

I abso-ma-lutely concur with this.

BB Waite said...

BTW Chele, are you going to share with BougieLand your last "soul kissing" session?
*breaks for door before Chele kills me dead with laser beam side-eye*

BlackButterfly said...

No, I don't believe that a kiss is ever "just a kiss"!

I am extremely intolerant of S.O.'s betraying my trust (that is what Elise's husband did) and make it a point not to judge others. But... I have a hard time understanding why anyone makes excuses for people who obviously displays no respect for their feelings.

"Public display of affection" with some other woman and I am supposed to believe YOU, ninja please! I'll see you in divorce court if we jumped the broom and I'll see you when I see you, if we didn't.

Monica said...

Aww sooki sooki now...

Jesse said...

Do tell?

Jesse said...

the men of BnB are available to rent out for beatdowns if you think Ben needs a more personal reminder of how to treat a lady...

Monica said...

I'm arriving at this party late so anything I would say has likely been said.

Kisses are a form of affection reserved for someone I am in a relationship with. If you caught them kissing the way Chele described it, they've been doing more than that.

Jesse said...

this.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

C'mon @rozb, work with @CaliGirlED, lol!! Love that movie (except the scene where my ex was an extra).

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

What. you. said. here.

Bunni said...

Wow! I just....uh....

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

I also tipped into this discussion first through Twitter and had instant flashbacks. When he's swapping spit and inhaling flesh with another - in public - it is more than 'just a kiss' and screams LOUDLY that the period of steady contentment was a cover as cheap as a side-alley "just lemme have five dollars" LV knockoff. Lots of words come to mind: disrespectful, outrageous, lying, cheating, etc., but one phrase is flashing neon red: Girl, go get yourself tested - not now, but right now! Leaving this last word to the incomparable Nancy Wilson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wPKzLvqKDg

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

*tipping out of BougieLand with this one!*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...I can forgive just a kiss, if I don't discover the kiss, if he confesses, is remorseful and willing to get help for our relationship I can forgive but I won't forget, if he went full cocoa, he goin' out the door." There is tolerance and there is denial. This right here is overflowing the banks of the River Shiggity...

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

The benediction has been pronounced.

FlirtyNerd said...

Take it and share the wealth lol!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

*typing this note for the po-po: @rozb killed me through the computer...*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Where's the "Cheaters" marathon?

Sarah said...

This is an example of the unnecessary heartbreak and drama that happens when people can't be straight about things. It means your friend not only has to figure out how to deal with the situation, but also the passive aggressive redirection efforts of her husband. I wish her the best. I hope she knows that life doesn't need to be filled with this kind of nonsense and she has the power to put a stop to it.

CaliGirlED said...

Edward didn't seem to mind. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Yeah putting yourself out there like that can be brutal. Stay strong and do what's best for you!

CaliGirlED said...

Oh my!...Ok E.F. "Chele" Hutton, we're listening.

Carey Jackson said...

When you really think about it, Ben is bold as hell. Know he's married to a woman who frequents this restaurant and is still posted up smacking on some other tasty treat? The Hell? That's taking ratchetassness to a whole new level.

Carey Jackson said...

And how you doin' today, Jason?

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...This is not the I'm walking you back to your car situational kiss-in-the-parking-lot deal...." If he's married that kiss is also no bueno.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

'Flirtation' is not the word starting with *Sesame Street* "the letter F" that Ben had in mind...

GrownAzzMan said...

....taking notes...

GrownAzzMan said...

...Still takin notes...permission slip...

GrownAzzMan said...

A kiss is never just a kiss and a public kiss is...

Ben sold it, Elise bought it, Chele is trying to get her to review the sales agreement. Too late.

mojitochica said...

I'm glad you're reading the comments, but I think you know we are telling you what you all ready knew anyway.

aishao1122 said...

I leaned in to air kiss my ex-girlfriend's cousin's cheek once and I was on cocoa restrictions for two weeks.<------ dead, now that's crazy.

Brneyed1 said...

L-Boogie said it best: "The sweetest thing I've ever known, was like a kiss on the collar bone..."

Nape of the neck kisses?? *swoon* and *le sigh*

sugahoneyicedtea said...

Soo late..but you flirt with words not lips

Lady4Real said...

I don't think so. I think if he kissed another woman something is hugely wrong with our relationship, if he comes and tells me that he did it he either wants out or wants to salvage what we have, it is my choice from there to forgive him and get counseling or forgive him and leave.

Brneyed1 said...

I read all of the comments (whoa). I've said more than has ever been written with a single kiss.

However, I do commend Elise for not snapping off in public.

I know I wouldn't snap off, but I could see myself standing there, eye twitching, shift changing into my crazy-scary-calm alter ego. Then I would do the fool in a much more controlled manner: sit down at the table with them, with a sweet smile and cheery Hello! Order a bottle of the most expensive vino on the wine list ('cause he's paying), then start the sippin' and interrogatin'. Though I'd have to leave after my second glass...I'm a chatty drunk, and the normal-crazy might start slipping out. I'd take the rest of the bottle with me though....

J. Jackson said...

I haven't read the comments yet, but i'm sure the bougie fam is on it! (-:

My two cents: I agree with you Chele. A kiss is a gateway drug. If done right, it most definitely leads to cocoa. For Ben to say, "Kissing is cheating" has me scratching my head. I really want to ask him, what he would think if the shoe was on the other foot and he seen Elise lip-locking with another man. I can bet my last dollar he would've said, "You're cheating on me."

Seriously, Elise and Ben need to have REAL heart-to-heart. It's obvious that they're on two different pages, and if they want to preserve what they have in their marriage then they will need to be honest with each other. For Ben to take another woman to dinner, and kiss her like that's his girlfriend/S.O. speaks VOLUMES of his actions, and what he thinks of his marriage.

GammasWorld said...

What you say? LOL

Kimistry101 said...

kissing is really intimate..NO forgiveness. Even prostitues have a rule against kissing and I learned that looong before the movie Pretty Woman.

GammasWorld said...

Let me rethink my no-cougar stance (whew where's Gamma's fan?)

GammasWorld said...

I know I'm late. When I read the post on my BB cuz the powers that be blocked Bougieland at work, all I could tweet Chele was NO. 1000 times NO! Hubby was wrong. P.E.R.I.O.D. BougieProps to Elise for not creating a public scene but IMO, I'm surprised this discussion is still not happening. Aint no ways in in hell this would be over with the "it's just a kiss".

CaliGirlED said...

Ha!

CaliGirlED said...

Way to sum it all up GAM!

CaliGirlED said...

I feel ya and I can see me doing that with my boyfriend/boo/SO/that ninja who lied and told me he wasn't seeing anybody else, but my husband? I don't know that might make me do what I detest, public confrontation. I guess that's why I don't understand messing around with someone else's husband/wife. That's a "whole-nother" level of shiggity!!!

Mykeia said...

Eww...damn. Right to the point. Ouch. Real talk...

the josiah said...

A kiss can never be just a kiss; it has the potential to change things. If it's just flirting, then you peck the person on the chick.

C Nelson said...

There's a reason many prostitutes won't kiss their clients. It's intimate. No, there is no such thing as "just a kiss." And it takes a dishonest person -- either one who is dishonest with himself as to his feelings, or one being dishonest to his wife about his feelings -- to claim otherwise.

BrendaKay said...

Got Damula! Jason has lifted a kiss to a whole new level...

Angela Deruise Roby said...

Just a kiss, Benny Boy? Ok.

Let me just round up the Riverboat Hallelujah and Chocolate Male Review Boys to see who can get more of Elise lipgloss off first....

rozb said...

Uhh...her whuuu...?

She's Savvy said...

Oooh girl! I agree with you, there is no such thing as being just a kiss. Who did he think he was fooling? If kissing were acceptable, everyone would walk around kissing each other, and by that I don't mean the European air kisses. Kissing is the first step to cheating and is definitely one of the most intimate things, outside of sex, you can do with someone. All I can say is Bougie friend's husband needs to get it together!

sol_dier said...

erm, sounds like he has done this before. (repeat behaviour).

brownstocking said...

I'm hella late, but Ben clearly is too cowardly to make the move out of the relationship and wants to get busted for some reason.

I would not have snapped off, but I would have asked my regular waitstaff how long this had been going on, and tipped them very well (or bribed, whatevs) for the info. Whether or not we would end up divorced, stuff is getting documented.

Anjelt27 said...

That was not just a kiss, when you kiss another woman in a public place the way it was described then it has gone beyond "just a kiss". Just a kiss is how you kiss a friend, (a peck on the cheek), maybe a quick "peck" ont he lips, but never a passionate kiss. In my opinion, anything that is done with sexual feelings involved is cheating.

MotownMs said...

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

Natasha Smith said...

A kiss between a married man and a woman who isn't his wife is NOT just a kiss. Kissing is more intimate than sex, so it meant something. Your friend needs to have a looooong conversation with her husband.

soulsistah02 said...

I'm coming to party extra late, so forgive me. Everytime I kissed a man it was usually in the context of a relaionship or a friendship leading to a relationship. I don't stalking around trying to find my next "liplock victim." With that said, kissing is an act of intimacy. It's an outward demonstration of an emotional bond that has formed. For those reasons, Elise needs to be really be concerned. For Ben to publicly slob down a woman at a busy restaurant, it's an indication that his heart and lips are with someone else. I hate to be the bearer of bad news Elise, but your man -- in the words of Faith Evans -- is "gone already."

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails