Monday, November 22, 2010

No Country For Smart Girls? Do we dumb down for dates?


The other night I attended a cocktail/dinner party at a girlfriend's house. She had rounded a bunch of us up for this party simply to have us check out her new man. Le Sigh. It's your man. If you're happy with him. I'm happy for you. But she was really anxious for us to meet dude and give her our opinion. About ten of us, six women and four men were in attendance. With the exception of her new man, all of us have known each other for years. We don't hang out a lot anymore but we're a comfortable group around each other.

First thing with Her New Man (HNM) was that he was kinda pushy. She would start to answer something but he would cut her off and finish answering for her. She and I were off to the side having a private conversation when he walked over, "What are you talking about?" I said, "Hair products." He looked at her and then at me and then said, "Oh, okay." and walked away. I sent her a severe side-eye as he headed towards the other side of the room.

"Oh, he just likes to be interested in what I'm interested in, that's all." I held back my patented eye roll and the urge to ask, "Is that what they're calling it now?" and left it alone.

Later in the evening after a dinner where HNM was determined to be the smartest, funniest, wittiest person at the table (he wasn't); she pulled out some games. Spades was suggested but me and one of the other ladies there have routinely beat their behinds. HNM asked which game we rarely play and a few people said Scrabble. He said, "Okay, let's play Scrabble. Who's the best player here?" Everyone pointed to me. He pointed at me and two other people and said, "Let's go."

I declined to play. I could tell he was the type to be mad competitive and you know what? It's not that serious. But then he started to smack talking, "If you don't think you have the mental agility to keep up, okay then." BougieLand, I rarely rise to bait and this time was no different. I just smiled and shrugged. But he just kept going in to the point that he made it actually awkward for everyone else if I didn't play. Fine. 

I sat down at the table with him and two other people and we got started. Is it my fault that I had first draw and just happened to pull a seven letter word out of the bag? No it is not. When you open a game with 85 points, it's kinda all gravy from there. But this ninja actually put down "cat". My six year old nephew does better than "cat" for goodness sake. So... I wasn't supposed to add onto it and make "catechism"? I wasn't supposed to point out that "justice" does NOT have a "G" in it?!

Apparently not. My girlfriend pulled me on the side and asked me to "please, please" not beat him in Scrabble. His mood and ability to deliver her cocoa correctly that evening depended on him winning this game. [Yes, I'm serious] When I continued to blink at her blankly she said, "I want him in a good mood and I need for everybody to get along. Haven't you ever just let a man win? It's a stroke for his ego which equals a stroke for me later. And really Chele, who cares who wins?" I had to think about this (and tweet it)... had I ever thrown a game for a man's ego? Uh... no. As a matter of fact, hell to the no.

Maybe that's why I date very self-confident almost arrogant men. I want no parts of a man who is so insecure that a Scrabble loss throws off his cocoa game. I mean, seriously?

But anyway, she was all pleading blinky eyes so I told her I'd try not to beat him down too badly. I was up by 112 points but I would try. I don't really know how to throw a Scrabble game. I set up a triple word score for him and ninja put "coat" in there. She stroked his arm while cooing, "Baby you're so smart." She owns a million dollar real estate company and was cooing over "coat"? Jesus be some dignity.

I played the word "and" (doing the least!). Dude followed up by putting an "L" in front of it. She clapped. I gave up. I played "quixotic" and went up by 200. Ninja was salty and starting to snap at folks. When she stroked his hand, he pushed it away, "Baby. I got this." Like the 10 tiles left in the bag and whatever he had in his hand was going to net him over 200 points? I mean the mood in there was tense. It was Scrabble, y'all!

I was over it. I pleaded a headache and forfeited the game. As I was gathering up my purse, he said, "You know I was coming back on you, right?" Chele took one for the team, "Yup, you got me." As I fled into the street with two other friends, I allowed myself the eye roll I had been holding back. We all agreed that HNM had made a terrible impression on all of us. Someone else drew the short straw to let her know.

As I tweeted the experience, a few guys said she was just trying to be wife material. By acting like "coat" is a multisyllabic bit of word treasure? No. Thank. You.

Then I got into a conversation with @Reads4Pleasure and @ASmith86 and we wondered - do women do this? Lose games so their men feel big and strong? Do men want us to do this? Am I seriously emasculating a dude if I beat him at Wii Golf? Can a Scrabble game make or break a relationship? I gotta downgrade my vocabulary to "Cat in the Hat" levels to get a husband? For real tho? Is it really No Country For Smart Girls? Do we truly have to dumb down to catch and keep a man? 

I can't do it. We decided to start our own movement #NVNV - No Vocab No VaJayJay or maybe #NGNG No Grammar No GoodGood? Ladies, Gents... please tell me - what part of the game is this? Answer any, all or none of the questions above. The floor is yours.

294 comments:

1 – 200 of 294   Newer›   Newest»
michaeldavis said...

simple answer: no, we don't. Your girl, like Bubbles in the Wire, should be banished to the basement until she kicks this bad habit of hers.

Play Words with Friends (iPhone) or WordFeud (for Android) and you will rule out a LOT of potential dates. Thank me later.

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "Jesus be some dignity."

I think there are some men in the universe who want women to dumb down just like I think there are some women in the universe who think they need to dumb down or lose a game to stroke a man's ego. I have had guys tell me I use too many "big" words in conversation! I can't deal with that level of insecurity because if your ego rests on constantly one-upping me, you are not the man for me! Two fingers!

I just don't understand why folks think this is a valid dating strategy. If you alter yourself to get with someone, the charade can only last for so long. At some point, the real you is coming out and then what?

ConvertingMe said...

I have to give you mad props for your Scrabble skills first. My game is Trivial Pursuit and I play to win.

The only people's ego that I stroke are my children.

A grown man who continuously drops four letter words in Scrabble needs to return to the fourth grade and step up his vocabulary game.

Your friend needs to play catch and release with that guppy and keep angling for a the big fish.

I have dumbed down myself for one manchild (I was in high school) and never again will I hide my light under someone else's bushel.

Shondriette D Kelley said...

This post was sad yet hilarious! I can't believe that Scrabble had him in a snit and your friend actually tried to convince you to throw the game. I'm hoping that he was just nervous and this was a bad first impression. If not, he is pitiful and she must not have a lot of options (or at least doesn't think she does).

Any man who dates me needs to know that I'll kick butt in Scrabble, Sequence, Rummikub and Phase 10 if given the opportunity. If that gives him pause then he can excuse himself from my life post-haste.

tiffanyinhouston said...

There's an ironclas rule that you don't make your S/O look stupid in the public. I readily subscribe to that. Even if you have to pull them to the side, there shalt not be public humilation involved.

In this case, it was not your job to make him feel secure and your homegirl gets a flag on the play for even suggesting that! That is nowhere in the playas handbook!!!

I wish a chick suggest some BS like that to me, so she can get her rocks off later on. Bump all that, it's your job to keep him in a f*ckable state of mind, not mine!!

*goes off to get coffee*

APond said...

I agree, I can't date someone who loses his ish over Scrabble. Hell, I'm mad competitive, if I start a game I don't care what it is, I want to win. That said, I'm not going to get pissed if I lose and I would think less of a man whose mood depends on a game.

And seriously, the things women do just to keep a man.

MelaninEnriched said...

Um, yes, sadly some women do this because I've seen it many times. This story is just ridiculous though. SMDH.

As usual, I have an experience with this. I had an Asian guy tell me on a date that guys don't like when women are smarter than them. I think I literally closed my eyes for a few moments to digest that whole statement along with the irony of who it was coming from (yes, a bit stereotypical, but he owned his own IT company or something). He continued to say that maybe I should "not be so smart" around guys. Of course, the date when downhill from there. I. REFUSE. But, I'm supposed to dumb myself because you can't keep up or feel some kind of way about it?

Thankfully a lot of men do value a smart woman and no woman should EVER dumb herself down for a man. If this is what it's come down to in order to catch and/or keep a man, I'm good.

"But this ninja actually put down "cat". ---iDied. iCan't with you, Chele ! LMAO.

FlirtyNerd said...

"She stroked his arm while cooing, "Baby you're so smart." She owns a million dollar real estate company and was cooing over "coat"? Jesus be some dignity."

This right here....slayed me. I've been in situations where I was told to bring it down a notch, but I refuse to do so, especially when I know I'm being put on the spot. He talked mad trash, and he got trashed. In addition, what kind of man denies or gives bad cocoa because he lost a game? Come on, now!

Reads4Pleasure said...

I think there's a bigger issue at play here. His insecurity, controlling her conversation and the way he needs to know what she's talking about to others suggests to me that he's potentially abusive, whether that be physically or mentally.

Brneyed1 said...

Mad I didn't know about Words with Friends before now.

michaeldavis said...

I agree with that rule, though I'm wondering why she let him play Scrabble in the first place. Ol'girl should have sat him in front of the TV and called it a night. She KNEW he had no vocab lol

Shawn Parson said...

it all boils down to his insecurities:which is a major issue with HNM and her as well.

ASmith said...

This man has "hell nawl" written all over him, and I DO mean ALL OVER HIM. This seems evident to me

Diva (in Demand) said...

I was originally going to disagree with that line of thinking. I can remember dating a man who appreciated the fact that I knew how to fake a punt play in Madden and win.....and my husband (even though he laughs at me) respects me more for giving him a run for his money at chess.....win or lose. Ironically my soror and I were talking last week about men wanting to be the smart one in a relationship so obviously a lot of women feel this way. I guess I've just always sought out men who were legitimately smarter than me or at least really confident. The sad part isn't that he put down cat. The sad part is that she's encouraging his foolishness! Instead of asking you to lose she should be working with that man on his scrabble skills.

CaliGirlED said...

"...it's your job to keep him in a f*ckable state of mind, not mine!!" *DEAD*

ASmith said...

I've gotten that "you use too many big words" bullshiggity too. iDon't with that. I use the words in my vocabulary, sir. That's what I do. If you don't know what one of them means, use some context clues or look it up or ask me. Hell... I can't be acting like I don't know how to use this word when I do just because YOU don't. That's ridiculous!

Why must the dude make more money, be smarter, be everything(er) than the woman? Who still subscribes to this mess in 2010? Too many people. That's who.

Brneyed1 said...

First: uh, WTF??

Second: is dude's stirrer platinum-plated or something??

I'm much too competitive to throw a game for myself, much less for some dude. Where did your friend find this one?? Damn sure wasn't a library.

I don't do dumb. Either step up or step off.

ASmith said...

Words with Friends is everything... EVERYTHING.... :)

CaliGirlED said...

"...he's potentially abusive..." And.there.it.is.there.

MelaninEnriched said...

I think he obviously wouldn't have been dissuaded. His need to win and one-up any and everyone would not have let him back down after Scrabble was suggested. So, I think ol' girl did the only thing she could at that point. I disagree with the whole reason as to WHY she was doing it and even the NEED to for a Scrabble game. But, that's just me, LOL.

CorettaJG said...

SMH at this story. I can honestly say that I have never let a man win at something (especially a game) to stroke his ego. I cannot even think of a time when someone that I was dealing with made me feel as if I needed to do this in order to salvage his feelings. I take no prisoners when it comes to Taboo, UNO or air hockey. I'm competitive but not completely obnoxious about it.

Now, some men have teased me about my vocabulary, but not to the point that I felt the need to take it down a notch. I've found that guys are happy to show off a "smart one."

I do concur with TiffanyinHouston about me not purposely making my man look ridiculous in public. If he brings it on himself, I'll try to be a wingman and help him recover, but there is no need for me to take the other person aside (like your girl did to you) because he was talking noise that he couldn't back up and trust to get seriously salty about it. That level of insecurity and lack of situational awareness is UNATTRACTIVE.

PrettyP said...

That was my initial thought as well...

CaliGirlED said...

Cheering your man on, or trying to comfort him after a loss is one thing, but asking your girl to become illiterate so your man can come out on top? WDDDA???...He blew it for me with the trash talking. You can't do that and then expect someone to be merciful! Seriously?..."She stroked his arm while cooing, "Baby you're so smart." She owns a million dollar real estate company and was cooing over "coat"? Jesus be some dignity." SMDH

As always you displayed true dignity, "You know I was coming back on you, right?" Chele took one for the team, "Yup, you got me."

Chele, please tell your girl to be very careful. As stated below, he shows true signs of being abusive. When will women realize that having a controlling man is not proof of having a man who loves you. Not.cute.at.all.

blackprofessor said...

I have to c0sign as well, he does have "closet abuser" smeared on him.

michaeldavis said...

WordFeud 'round here ... TeamAndroid

CaliGirlED said...

The fact that she knew his losing would effect his cocoa game lets us know that this has happened before, a few times at least. We also know that he's not too smart, insecure and not in control of his cocoa game. Ol' girl should have kept him a secret.

rozb said...

I HAD to say something this early in the morning! I just can't with somebody who is truly playing in the middle of the highway at rush hour mentally. I feel your pain, Chele. I have been the victim of Pseudo-Vocab Man. He did everything he could to try and impress me after he found out what I did for a living in the military. First, he said that I must think I'm too smart because I was an electronics technician in the service (I'm not too smart - I had to study like everybody else, ninja!) Then he asked me if I could conversate like normal folks. I got my hackles up, put my glasses down low on my nose and said, "Well, if by conversate you mean converse, then well I think I can handle it." *crickets* He then asked if I knew how to play Dominoes. I asked if he wanted to play double 9 or double 15 and he actually said "I ain't trying to count that high! Damn girl - Black folks don't do that s#!t!" He later told my friend that I was too busy trying to be a White girl to have any fun, which confused her because the last thing anybody would say about me was that!

I refuse to dumb down to appease an ego. I won't intentionally slam you on the dirt, but I cannot hold back when faced with a mixture of arrogance, insecurity, and other issues sprinkled in. I feel bad for your friend. It's a case of her own insecurities attached to her doubts that she can find someone of her caliber. Now - he might be blowing her stilettos off every night, but stupid is not a good look on anybody's arm.

"I set up a triple word score for him and ninja put "coat" in there. She stroked his arm while cooing, "Baby you're so smart." She owns a million dollar real estate company and was cooing over "coat"? Jesus be some dignity." This right here almost put me in a time-out corner.

Leon X said...

I can only imagine if you guys played Cranium. His head would have probably exploded.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

HNM is jsut crazy. Although, I can't laugh at his Scrabble skills because I'm right there with him. My real life vocabulary dwindles to kindergarten levels when faced with all those wooden tiles. Can we have a speedreading contest? A round of Jeopardy? Something lol!

Now, I have had my experiences with insecure men who have not appreciated my intelligence. What is really disturbing is that during the initial phases of dating, they say "oh, you're intelligent. I like that" or some such drivel. Unfortunately, sure as the sun rises in the east, later in the relationship they throw shade about my intelligence. I've dumbed down in one relationship, but then realized that course of action was a lose-lose situation and dropped that dude with the quickness.

Based on my experiences, it is a minority of men that is comfortable with a woman that is smarter than them - particularly if the women are exceptionally bright. I've found that men are more likely to say that they appreciate intelligence, but that appreciation only extends to a certain point. After that, they get their knickers in a twist.

Do you have to dumb it down to get a husband? No. However, not dumbing it down means you have to be more selective choosing who you date.. I've found that the more bookish the man, the less threatened they were by my intelligence. Since smart is sexy in my opinion, it's not a problem for me to bypass the less nerdy for the type of man that will be reciprocally into me.

I think a lot of women take great pains, if not to lessen their intelligence, but to stroke their partner's egos. Every time I've observed my friends interacting with their husbands, I've thought that they were unnecessarily stroking the men's egos and doling out 'participant ribbons' as if it was a little league baseball game instead of a marriage. Then again, these women are married and I am not. I guess it is a necessity to some extent, but I'd much rather pretend to be excited about his WoW accomplishments that pretend that I'm stupid. Devaluing or resenting my intelligence is an automatic dealbreaker. My 'smarts' allowed me to go to college, to leave the inner city, and to have my career and livelihood. A man that resents that can kick rocks with flip flops on.

rozb said...

"Can ya dumb it down a little?"

*Pouting and stomping foot* "But I don't wanna be stupid!"

Show him something shiny, lead him to the door, then gently, so as not to startle him, push his flavored window-licking butt through it and lock it.

michaeldavis said...

mark this down - Michele needs to have board/brain games, etc at her upcoming function. Pictionary, Taboo, etc. And I won't be asking y'all to "make me look good."

rozb said...

He sounds like someone should be baby-talking to him. "Who's my widdle man wid his widdle words? I so proud of you, my Boo-Boo! Wanna cup of juice and a cookie so you can go lay down for a widdle itty bitty nappy?"

Stupid will ruin a cocoa game faster than Dick Cheney can jack up a hunting trip.

rozb said...

Scanners 2010.

rozb said...

"...it's your job to keep him in a f*ckable state of mind, not mine!!"

This is what makes my Monday morning. Note to self: Ask Tiffany for permission to put this on a t-shirt.

rozb said...

She should have just put some Spongebob DVDs in the player, gave him a sippy cup, and let him chill.

MelaninEnriched said...

ITA with your whole post and especially that last statement.
If she truly knows her friends and she knows (supposedly) her man, why would she deliberately put herself in this prescient situation? She needs more people. Seriously.

GrownAzzMan said...

Please don't play dumb to get a man. Won't work here at all.

OSHH said...

I cannot do the dumbing down or diminishing of my self to make my supposed man feel grand. Oh no, that is a set up for misery and failure, cause you cannot even be your true great self. Weak insecure men who need coddling over small things, is not the man for me.

rozb said...

Question: how do you throw a Scrabble game? I, for one, can't intentionally misspell a word in any kind of word game. That would have me tossing and turning all night, feeling guilty about being willfully dumb. Good googly moogly.

Miz JJ said...

He's not just dumb, but he's needs to be in control at all times too. Sounds like a real winner 0_0

michaeldavis said...

nice throwback there...also Dave Chappelle in that power skit when he pulled off the hood

Jason P said...

Smart is the new sexy. Stupid is the old "good for one sip of cocoa and onto the next". Ladies, keep it sexy please.

GrownAzzMan said...

"If you alter yourself to get with someone, the charade can only last for so long. At some point, the real you is coming out and then what?"

This right here! Please. Don't. Don't dumb it down. Don't downplay your success. Don't act like you can't when you can. Just. Don't!

Stank_0 said...

(-_-) O_O
Really though!

I'm puzzled why getting trounced would effect his "abilities" or willingness. Wouldn't he take his anger at losing out there?

I think she may have wanted the greek chorus there because subconsciously she knew this wasn't for her. Or may this is her winter boo #optimistic

GrownAzzMan said...

The questions is, why is she so into him in the first damn place?

Stank_0 said...

Ok now you're just being mean. I think the night would have gone better if they had played SPADES.

LA said...

Sad state of affairs! I dated a man in my 20s who needed ego-stroking all day, everyday and would make snide remarks that I was "trying to be smart" by using big words to make them look bad. Since he was FINE and the cocoa was the best I had ever had (at the time), I let those remarks slide. I still never stopped being me, but it was exhausting trying to appease his ego all the time.

After all that ego-stroking I hope she got what she wanted at the end of the night. Otherwise, there's no hope for your girl!! Honestly, I wasn't so worried about the fact that his vocabulary isn't up to par with the rest of y'all (she's obviously not with him for his vocab!) but I felt some kinda way when he walked in on y'all to check the conversation and she felt the need to defend his controlling ways. She needs an intervention!

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

Like I told you before.

Dumb yourself down for any reason and lose me as a Stan.

That's all I got for this one.

Oh, and tell ole girl to run fast and leave no bread crumbs.

Sarah said...

This story is sad. I think your friend is headed for trouble with this one. I wouldn't have had to fake the headache. I would have had one.

I haven't played Scrabble in ages. I've noticed that my spelling ability has gone down since I started using word processors with spell check. I was trying to think if I've ever played dumb. I can't remember ever having done it. I don't really do things because I want to win, but because I enjoy doing them or I enjoy the company. We used to have long running Monopoly games over the holidays and I think my sister won those more often than not. Now, it is puzzles. The last couple of times I was home for the holidays, my Dad had a puzzle going on the table in the kitchen and we all helped.

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

i had a ex s/o like that before too. Jesus be some home training and class for these fools...he thought that the olive garden was fine dining...smh

rozb said...

Yeah - stupid does that to me sometimes. *kicks pebbles* Sorry...

MysteryGuest said...

As a man who has been trounced by you in Scrabble Ms. Michele - let me say there was nothing sexier than your victory dance after your third seven letter word. And the smack talk? Ni-ice. If a man can't handle that, he shouldn't step to the table.

Now the real question is... do you know who this is?

SingLikeSassy said...

This made me laugh, but as I got to the end I just felt sad. Really? I don't understand what else could be so great about this man that she's willing to deal with his massive insecurities. Also, he sounds like a borderline abuser to me.

Mr. SLS can't beat me in Scrabble (my mama is a teacher and used this as a vocab teaching tool for me and my brother so we weren't allowed to use simple words), but he can whoop my butt in Tekken (and, OK, I do throw the PS-3 handthing-y down sometimes after getting beat. Again. Yes, I said handthing-y. Any wonder why I can't win? LOL!

OneChele said...

I wish they would come out with a BlackBerry version!

OneChele said...

Just shoot me now at "too many big words" - No. Sir. And I was taught that you start out as you mean to continue. So I can't be one person on dates 1 - 4 and someone else the rest of the time. Just me. Love it or leave it alone.

OneChele said...

Ooooh, standing Trivial Pursuit challenge. The amount of useless ish stuck in my head is legend.

And in my opinion, she should have never hooked this one in the first place. I don't care if he's stirring cocoa with a diamond spoon.

OneChele said...

If you know that vocabulary is not your thing, why not suggest Uno?

Veronica Miller said...

Lord on high...

I work in news, so 1) I'm plugged into a lot of information and 2) I live and breathe words. Which, I have found, can get under the skin of some guys if they're not used to women who read the wires and throws out words like "anathema" in casual conversation. (I like words. *shrug* Sue me.) Yes, it can be pretentious, but it's a quick way to weed out the dudes who can't hang.

(And by can't hang, I don't mean that they need to have the same exact vocabulary, just that they don't get bent out of shape when they see that mine's pretty extensive.)

Case in point... I was out on a date a few years back, and I said "skeptical" somewhere in the middle of the conversation.

My date paused and then looked at me...

..."Why you gotta use big words?"

I was at a loss. I mean, how do you respond to that.

The date promptly ended not long afterward and I didn't answer any further calls.

I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't. I never understood how people could see intelligence as a dating liability (or as a negotiable requirement in a date). I need you to keep up.

OneChele said...

Okay! Why I love TIH. She knew he wasn't the brightest bulb. Why not steer him towards Chutes & Ladders or CandyLand up in this piece?

And why am I responsible for the temperature of your cocoa? No ma'am. You handle that.

OneChele said...

I will admit to having kicked over a chair once while losing at Gin but it was strip Gin and the room was cold... hmm, I might be oversharing. Never mind.

ConvertingMe said...

Next time I'm in Dallas. It is on like a chicken bone... I grew up in Northwest Louisiana so I'll be there eventually.

sunt97 said...

Yeah I have taken the fall in a few games just t make a guy feel good about himself. Dude sounds like a piece of work to me. If he can't talk losing a board game then think about how he will take other bad news. I mean if there was money at stake then yeah I can see being pissed off, but to pay just for fun and get all crazed tells you a lot about how he is. Your friend best watch out because I have dated sore loser and they usually have nasty tempers.
Aside from this Scrabble is a great way of breaking the ice on a date. On of my fav things to do especially now that it's getting cold out and want the warm fire idea.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

OneChele said...

If this is what it's come down to in order to catch and/or keep a man, I'm good. <~Exactly.

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

LMBO! I wanted to like this but my like button isn't working :-(

OneChele said...

Bring it down a notch?!?!! Pardon me, part of my head exploded.

OneChele said...

You thought exactly what I did. He has "Star of Future Forensic Files Episode" written all over him. Too many stalker tendency - weak ego, controlling, desire to feel like the man, passive/aggressive... No. Thank. You.

OneChele said...

Perfect explanation. And can you really teach a grown man to be secure?!

michaeldavis said...

^ Where did you meet a dude that thinks Olive Garden was fine dining? Inquiring minds want to know

OneChele said...

So I say, let's flip the script - No Country for Ignant Insecure Folks?

OneChele said...

Damn sure wasn't a library. HA! Clearly not. Sadly enough, they did meet at a bookstore. Leading me to wonder what section she found him in...

OneChele said...

I'm lowkey until someone starts smack talking. And then I feel compelled to beat them down and talk smack right back. Might be a character flaw.

OneChele said...

I'm saying! How you smack-talking and losing by 100+ points?
As for his crazy side, thankfully one of the other members of the crew is assigned to have the intervention with her about him. He has No Bueno eeking out of his pores.

CaliGirlED said...

Inquiring minds want to know!

OneChele said...

Now - he might be blowing her stilettos off every night, but stupid is not a good look on anybody's arm. <~~Nuff said.

OneChele said...

*snickers*

CaliGirlED said...

I thought about spades too, or even dominoes. (Although the male ego does get a little bruised over a good bones slammin competition.)

OneChele said...

You used better vocab in your four paragraphs than he pulled off all night. I think you're okay ;-)

CaliGirlED said...

Ok Chele, didn't see that curve ball coming! LOL

OneChele said...

Hmmm... we were wondering what to do with out of town folks on Saturday. We may have to set up a Game Lounge with 90s Black Movie Marathon playing in the background.

OneChele said...

Bless you sir.

OneChele said...

May God bless and keep the women who end up with them.

OneChele said...

I tried like hell. Maybe if I'd known from jump. But I don't think I'm genetically capable of deliberately losing. My father (who was the most competitive man in the universe) would rise up from the grave screaming (in West Indian accent) "Girl, I know you know better than that!"

GrownAzzMan said...

Is there video?

CaliGirlED said...

Nope, I've tried. Nor could I pull him away from his mama's breast! I digress, sorry...

OneChele said...

Ha! Definitely should be thrown back in the pond. At the shallow end.

OneChele said...

*fist bump*

GrownAzzMan said...

No you can't.

CaliGirlED said...

Disney, she assumed he was buying for his kid(s).

OneChele said...

I was going to get into how the anger can sometimes heat up the cocoa but decided to keep it moving.
Jesus save us from the winter boo. How many wrongs have wrought over the cold weather cuddle cocoa?!
No Country for Cuddle Cocoa.

GrownAzzMan said...

Mad props for the Dick Cheney reference!

Superwoman said...

this is so bloody ridiculous, it's unbelievable....does she REALLY think she'll be happy wit this imbecile? i give up on women, sometimes....and i CANNOT believe she wanted you to be part of that lunacy. how embarrassing! this is NOT the kind of guy you launch to your friends... rather confine your outings with les girls to manageable situations like concerts and movies where opportunities for conversation and chit-chat are MI-NI-MAL!

OneChele said...

You'd be surprised. I had ninja try to convince me that Red Lobster was an "upscale seafood restaurant"
#instantcut

Jasmin said...

HNM to the left, por favor. I hate when people talk all this shiggity and can't back it up. Sounds like he wanted to have a d*ck-dangling contest and it backfired.

I've never dated a guy who explicitly stated that I was too smart, though I did date a dumb bunny or two in high school. Now, intelligence is towards the top of the list, because I can't deal with someone who's slow on the uptake.

Boo for getting salty over a board game--my boyfriend and I always play Scrabble at our favorite cafe (shout-out to Coffee to the People!), and he's never beaten me (though he came close last time--I had to give him props for "exhibit"). We're both competitive, but it's fun when you're with someone on your level. And yes, I'm getting him Scrabble for Hanukkah. :-)

CaliGirlED said...

I just died from the baby-talk!!!

OneChele said...

All that stroking (PG-13 people) is exhausting!

OneChele said...

LOL @ leave no bread crumbs!

Brneyed1 said...

I now have Words with Friends! YAY!!

GrownAzzMan said...

"flavored window-licking"? **DOA**

OneChele said...

Don't get me started on Monopoly. That game has led to more BougieFam bruhahas. We play to win round here. The battle for Park Place and Boardwalk gets ugly.

aprilshanell said...

This dude reminds me of my brother in law! My sister went from the MBA executive club to forgetting she even has a education! It is beyond disturbing and I have yet to co-sign the madness. My brother in law is highly educated and successful in his field but he has to be constantly stroked and praised and made to feel important. It's bizarre at how quickly my sister went from her own brain to.... "Mark said this, and Mark said that, and Mark told me that this is how it should be". When I give her the blank stare, laser eye and snide remarks, she feels I'm being mean. Any man who feels the need to constantly dominate conversation and have his ego constantly stroked is far from a man. Let me call you what you are, a 6ft tall 3-yr old. The world truly doesn't revolve around you and if your as great as you think you are, it'll show. But all the extra antics just show you to be a insecure little boy. Unfortunately for your friend, dude sounds like the type that would quickly try to take over her world and her business if she let him.

OneChele said...

Ummmmm. Awkward.

CaliGirlED said...

"Now - he might be blowing her stilettos off every night,..."...Not unless they're playing Candyland every night!

OneChele said...

I may or may not have thrown the Ace of Spades into the fireplace after an unfortunate loss in Rummy. These things sometimes happen.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Case in point... I was out on a date a few years back, and I said "skeptical" somewhere in the middle of the conversation.

My date paused and then looked at me...

..."Why you gotta use big words?"

I was at a loss. I mean, how do you respond to that.?"

Check please!

CaliGirlED said...

"A man that resents that can kick rocks with flip flops on." Oh my damn!

BB Waite said...

Mr. Waite and I cannot play Spades together (Chele knows this). I love Mr. Waite but he cannot bid to save his life! And I (Lord help me) hate to lose. I most especially hate to get set because someone didn't realize they only had two Spades and ran long in Hearts. You know what, let me move on.

Your girl needs to cut HNM and not look back. You don't ask a friend to hide her light under a bushel.

taut_7 said...

"Maybe that's why I date very self-confident almost arrogant men. I want no parts of a man who is so insecure that a Scrabble loss throws off his cocoa game. I mean, seriously?"

so dude wasn't gonna have a good night of sex if he lost in scrabble? he has problems and your friend is either head over heels in love or desperate. dude sounds like he has issues. i know that i'm great at a lot of things but i don't do everything well. that being said if a woman or my woman beats me at something then she's just better than me at it. no big deal. *shrug*

Patrice Williams said...

I love this post Chele. My homegirls and homeboys always trying to get me to "calm down" and "quiet down" and be more "demure".

I have a very strong honesty personality. I have learned to no longer accept any crap some dude throwing my way just to gain his attention. Heck, I met a nice guy recently and had to tell him not to call me because he said he "was gon have to change that" after I became more vocal than some others during a discussion. Sure men don't like a loud mouth, but who the heck are you to try and change me when you barely earned a hello.

I guess I'll always be single because I'm not changing who I am (again) to get or keep a man. When you do that they get 2 lives and you get none.

OneChele said...

What saddens me is how many people have now mentioned this "big words" concept - wow! But you know what's worse than the guy who doesn't know big words? The guy who misuses them and thinks he sounds brilliant! (A la In Living Color from back in the day) "I surmise that inclusion to be a myopic catharsis of the afrocentric supposition." I'm sorry, what?!

OneChele said...

Game night is generally good times. Until you one or two like this dude at the table. Ugh.

OneChele said...

Excellent point. If your man is just arm-candy material - bring him to arm candy events where all he has to do is stand there and look good.

OneChele said...

I don't even have to have a man who is a Scrabble whiz. Just one who shows good gamesmanship!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...Stupid will ruin a cocoa game faster than Dick Cheney can jack up a hunting trip...."

*sound of shell being jacked into chamber* ROFLMBO!!!

OneChele said...

Let me call you what you are, a 6ft tall 3-yr old. <~~stealing it!

CaliGirlED said...

Come on, skeptical?!! What did he want you to say, "I was like uh uh"?

OneChele said...

Why you gotta out Mr. Waite like that? He tries! But okay, yeah - he may be the worst Spades player on the planet.

OneChele said...

I think she's both - head over heels AND desperate... bad combination.

OneChele said...

Do you, girl!

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Sadly, it sounds as if her friend has already found out about that potential... *I'm just saying*

William Martin said...

Should we grab popcorn?
*cancels rest of day to watch BougieLand drama*

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...There's an ironclas rule that you don't make your S/O look stupid in the public. I readily subscribe to that...."
She broke that rule when she included him in the gathering of her intelligent friends.

William Martin said...

Oh hell no!

William Martin said...

She said "No Country for Cuddle Cocoa"
I cannot reconcile your intelligent bouge and your rachetassness... but I love it!

rozb said...

Picturing him wearing too-small Garanimals.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Would bet that the men that she's met of her caliber are not feeling her and it's not because she owns a successful business.

William Martin said...

That would totally rock.

taut_7 said...

perhaps you should pull her to the side and let her know before she falls deeper into the rabbit hole.

rozb said...

Just let me matriculate on the intrinsic calcifications of my penile authority.

You could do a post on this type of mess on its own!

rozb said...

You could probably fill in the blank: "No Country for ____________"

No Country for Mental Midgets

Veronica Miller said...

That line is EVERYTHING.

William Martin said...

I don't mind a competitive woman as long as she can take what she dishes out. I can't stand someone spiking the Get Out of Jail Free card on my ass and then being mad when I bankrupt her for landing on Boardwalk where I've built Martin Plaza.

So no. Don't dumb down for me. But don't beat me over the head with KnowItAllitis either.

Jubilance said...

Ok first, I'm sorry but either your friend is desperate for a man, or she doesn't value herself very much. Clearly this man has a lot of issues stemming from his insecurity...A LOT of issues. She's getting herself ito a world of trouble by dealing with this man.

Like you Chele, I go for very confident, toe on the line btwn confident & arrogant type men. A man who is comfy with my degrees, my ability to talk politics & quantum physics with the best of them, and who knows that he's the finest/smartest/funniest/etc man in the room. I don't have time to diminish myself to make someone else feel good. And I'm not going to change who I am, alter my entire personality, for a man. There are way too many fish in the sea with good cocoa skills for that.

I do think a lot of women dumb themselves down, either because having any man is important to them, or because they haven't figured out their own self-worth yet. Unfortunate if you ask me.

rochee said...

1) I am always weary when my friends ask me to come meet their man. Why? As you said, if you like them and he makes you happy, you don't need my stamp of approval. So she knew something was off from jump. I can understand you wanting to introduce your new boo to your friends, but getting approval from your crew is unnecessary.

2) I will never dumb down my ability for any man, woman, or child. Get out of here. IF you have a problem with my level of intelligence, get a book or get a life. It really is that simple. He needs to go sit down somewhere and play scrabble with his 6 year old peers.

CaliGirlED said...

Go sit in the corner! NO not over there by Chele, in the other one!

David Chase said...

Let's not confuse smart and arrogant. Me likey smart women. Arrogant women - not so much. Then I again, I would rather have an arrogant woman than a dumb one. And dumb and arrogant must be a terrible combination.

Anyway, dude needs to rediscover his balls. Girl needs to run away. You were smart to get out of the middle.

David Chase said...

Ouch! I have never heard that statement with "man" instead of "girl" flipped. Wow.

michaeldavis said...

Red Lobster? upscale, no....but ADMIT IT....the Cheddar Biscuits go HARD in the paint. *clears throat, puts tie back on, goes back into board meeting*

05girl said...

#nvnv lolol

Phf said...

I can't believe a man who would take Scrabble that seriously! The only time I've gotten into fist fights were over Lego!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

More a finely tuned bullshiggity meter and need to maintain equilibrium in the bougieverse than a character flaw.

CaliGirlED said...

"Can ya dumb it down a little?"

*Pouting and stomping foot* "But I don't wanna be stupid!"

CLASSIC!!! This should be every woman's response to that request!

Ms. Jay said...

136 bougie thoughts before noon- and cocoa wasnt mentioned until the end ? Wow.

Girl needs to let go of that zero.

I dont believe in dumbing down for anyone. If you cant hang with the nerdiness that happens to be me , then there is no future for you. PS. if intelligence is intimidating , then please go find a Barbie to hang with asap.

Brneyed1 said...

I knew a guy that said he looked to meet women in bookstores because women who BUY books--especially hardcovers--had money to blow.

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Jerry Springer, dude said, "Correctify me if I'm wrong"...I will never forget that!

rozb said...

Girl - Imma take you to go get some skrimps. You can have aaaaalllll you want Shawty!

Side note: My Spell Check just blew the heck up!

Brneyed1 said...

Note to self: nevet drink hor coffee while reading RozB's comments.

David Chase said...

No. It's either there or it's not.

Jasmin said...

Those same men will go looking for Barbie and then complain about "golddigging hoochies." With some people (who are best avoided), you just can't win.

CorettaJG said...

I like!

David Chase said...

Ooo. Wee. How does one play Strip Gin?
Tell us slowly. In detail. With visual aids.

CaliGirlED said...

S.T.O.P!

David Chase said...

I haven't thought about Chute & Ladders in years! Oooh, that may have been your point. Carry on.

GrownAzzMan said...

You should have looked at him like a VCR. Obsolete!

David Chase said...

"Diamond Spoon"

GrownAzzMan said...

^5 on the Cheddar Bay Biscuts.

CorettaJG said...

The cheddar biscuits are what's up.

GrownAzzMan said...

Room grows silent like E.F. Hutton is about to speak....

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...She stroked his arm while cooing, "Baby you're so smart." She owns a million dollar real estate company and was cooing over "coat"?..." Take that bottle of fermented ridiculousness and pour it right down the drain. Seriously?? Pleading all blinky-eyed for him to win at Scrabble? He hasn't won at L-I-F-E yet (not the board game) and she's worried about some cocoa? Chile, please and boo, bye!

OneChele said...

McCormick has a Cheddar Biscuit mix. Just add water (I also add a little garlic and parmesan) - never need step into Red Lobster again.

KG said...

Whoa! Over 150 bougie thoughts and it's only 1pm?! BougieLand is ON it today...Lol.

As for the business of the hour, your girl needs to do better. Way better. It's on her if she wants a dumbass as arm candy but she should PLEASE keep him out of other people's way and not make them casualties of such a trainwreck.

I've gotten the 'big words' accusation too so I guess it's a universal allegation towards us who love words (and books)...LOL. *Raises glass to the wordsmiths up in BougieLand*

P.s. Hey Chele, thanks for a great past 2 weeks of posts. The action overran me a little and I just recently got caught up on the posts and comments and they were all fabulous :)

GrownAzzMan said...

There is something entertainingly wrong with Roz B...CTFU @ too-small Garanimals!

CorettaJG said...

THIS.

rozb said...

The question is will Mystery Guest be hurt if you can't remember him at all?

*whispering* Stay tuned for the stunning conclusion of Mystery Guest Unveiled. We will be back in two and two.

KG said...

I honestly don't know if that's worse Chele. At least the guy who misuses them has shown some aptitude for retaining them no? One can argue that he can be steered in the right direction...LOL.

CorettaJG said...

Okay?! Hmmm.

rozb said...

I will visit Red Lobster in disguise for some cheddar biscuits. Put on some shades, a Rihanna red clown wig, and a trenchcoat.

thinklikeRiley said...

Fam, I know y'all spect that I'm gonna come up in here talmbout "Dumb Cocoa stir just as good as Smart Cocoa" - not today!!! Lemme get at the smart girl with the glasses on. Come round here and teach a bruh sumthin. Smart girl biggest undercover freaks on planet <-- tellin' y'all, baby dat reads iz baby dat can go.

Had a comment bout brain vs "bran" but I ain't wanna get kicked outta BougieLand afore da holiday.
Riley out.

Glim Glam Girl said...

Nope, I won't play "Let's Dumb Down to Lift Ego for Hot Cocoa (or any other reason for that matter)" game. I suggest he come to the table equipped or be prepared to get whipped! I would type more, but I can't seem to lift my lower jaw from the floor!!!

J B said...

Hilarious and sad.

The last time I almost had a date, a year ago, the man stood me up when he found out I'm an engineer. For two weeks he thought I was a dancer and teacher, since he met me at a performance and just assumed that's what I did for a living. And he's an lawyer.

His words: "I've never dated anyone as smart as you. I'm used to receptionists." Dude. You went to law school AND passed a bar. I have a bachelor's degree and 20+ years experience in interplanetary spacecraft development and operations. It's all relative.

OneChele said...

Good point that I hadn't considered. Same way no one likes a snarky "I know more than you" man, the same must be said for females. No need to hide it but mayhaps jumping up and screaming, "Your Webster's game ain't SHIGGITY, son! You can't touch this, you can't even spell it! Dumb ass! Go back to kindergarten and then come back!" is probably not a good look.

KG said...

Case in point... I was out on a date a few years back, and I said "skeptical" somewhere in the middle of the conversation.

My date paused and then looked at me...

..."Why you gotta use big words?"

I was at a loss. I mean, how do you respond to that.


You don't. You just bounce... Ish like this makes you wonder if you've been hit with a Confundus Charm (Sorry non-Harry Potter-ers...*giggles*)

"I never understood how people could see intelligence as a dating liability (or as a negotiable requirement in a date)"
Tell me about it.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

*Cause of death: "Picturing him wearing too-small Garanimals."

See, THIS is the reason that 'Chele needs to have a Bougieland discussion/talk show!

Nia Minard said...

Seriously, I'ma need homeslice to get it together. If my man was too dumb to know that "justice" didn't start with a "g," I wouldn't set myself up by introducing him to fam + friends.

Either way, his attitude is not attractive and unless ya' friend is content to stroke a fool's ego forever...she may want to throw this fish back in the ocean.

Steve said...

I was following you on Twitter when you said some dude hit you up and said a woman should take a step back (mentally and physically) and let a man lead. WTH does beating a man at Scrabble have to do with letting him lead? Men should lead - by deed and example. If he's doing it right, there's no question.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

It's not a new concept. About 20 years ago I had a mouth-watering Hershey's Chocolate bar neighbor with the vocabulary of a potato chip (salty, crumbles under weight of condiments) who thought that we should be together. No sir - just play the strong, silent type and it will be all good. To be fair, he was nice enough but too much into earning a hustler's degree instead of a college degree (hence his eligibility ended in a semester and a half). No could do.

Mykeia said...

Dang...I just got on here and 175 comments posted...again a touchy subject for BougieLand...
I say don't dumb it down, I saw my mom do this a few times when I was a little girl and was annoyed. The spouse would look at me crazy if I ever played dumb...can't do it.

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

"...Put on some shades, a Rihanna red clown wig, and a trenchcoat...."
*Just got revived from Rozb's 'Garanimals' shot, and going down again!!*

Ms. Jay said...

Its like make up your mind. Do you want an intelligent woman or do you want someone who just looks pretty and is good at the cocoa?

Grace said...

This makes me unhappy that a vibrant accomplished woman is reduced to clapping over "coat" and "cat" - Le Big Damn Sigh Chele.

michaeldavis said...

wow you're bougie for real! Cheddar biscuits should ONLY be bought/consumed at Red Lobster.

blackprofessor said...

So it is a weekend thing??

GrownAzzMan said...

Help her Lord. Only you can...LOL

datdudeincali said...

*Steps to microphone* Attention gents... anyone who cannot stir the cocoa over a bad Scrabble game should simply turn in his manly parts on his way out the door. Thank you.
*drops mic*

GrownAzzMan said...

"vocabulary of a potato chip (salty, crumbles under weight of condiments) "

Y'all have made me close my office door this morning...ROFLOL

Iced_Coffee_Sweet_Tea_Diva said...

Truly, but best not to have liquids too close when reading BnB!

GrownAzzMan said...

Be glad you found out in time.

GrownAzzMan said...

Leaders step forward. Don't need anyone to step back.

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "baby dat reads iz baby dat can go" LOL!!

maureen palmer said...

Chele,
Does your friend visit BnB, and if she does, I would be interested to know what she listed as the things she find attractive in a man (part of last week posting)?
I never thought I would qoute Tamala Jones, but she had a line in two can play that game. "why do women do that"? This guy sounds borderline violent.

MusicCityYBW said...

iDied.com... Strip Gin you say. *looks at Chele and giggles*

blackprofessor said...

I thought it was me with the "big words" comment, now I know better!

OneChele said...

I'm blogging about her tomorrow. Stay tuned.

OneChele said...

Le Ouch?

blackprofessor said...

Tiffany,
Please know that I am stealing "it's your job to keep him in a f*ckable state of mind, not mine" LOL!!

Donell Creech said...

in my never to be humble opinion - this situation has nothing at all to do with forrest gump aka hnm. it's all about your girl. my spidey senses started tingling when you stated how important it was for her to get your group's stamp of approval on her new man.

ding ding ding. problem.

insecure weak-willed folks will always draw to them people (ironically, equally insecure) who try to mask their insecurities by overcompensation/domination. insecure passive attracts insecure aggressive, ip = ia. and - ia is always more than happy to flex domination over ip, fulfilling ip's need to be made to feel less than...and at the same time, fulfilling ia's need to build themselves up at the expense of others.

in other words - they a perfect match for each other.

OneChele said...

Thank you, KG.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

The future Mrs. Skyy is smarter than me and I like it like that.

OneChele said...

Dominoes has kicked up some dust from time to time.

OneChele said...

Just sayin'

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