How many times here in BougieLand have we talked about level-setting expectations? About not expecting champagne on a beer budget? Here (from NYPost) is a prime example of a paper plate ninja looking for a platinum platter chick:
A pudgy, fanny-pack-wearing 40-year-old man who lives with his mother is so desperate to find love, he's posting handwritten personal ads at payphones around the city.
On paper, Malik Turner sounds like a fairly eligible bachelor -- at first: He's single, gainfully employed as a "sorter/bagger" for the United Parcel Service, loves the color red, roots for the Rangers and Jets.
The Harlem man loves movies, nightclubs, Coney Island and Atlantic City. His hobbies include playing video games and riding the subway.
Written in clear print and with extreme specificity, Turner's ad says he's seeking a blond, long-haired, "big-chested, curvy, leggy, voluptuous (NOT FAT)" woman -- or women -- age 21 to 45, "willing to take turns paying on date (NO GOLDDIGGERS!!!!!)."
[...]When hearing of her son's approach to finding love, his mom got angry. "What did you do, Malik?" she yelled. "What did you do?"
Asked how rigid he was about his ad's criteria, he said, "I'm not interested in anything else." He is not searching for a fairy tale, or even a long-term relationship. "I just want casual and promiscuous because I don't want anything serious," he said.
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There are SO many things wrong with this. Here are my top five beefs:
1) Ummm, how is ninja worried about gold-diggers and livin' in mama's basement?
Back in my high-rolling days, I was hanging around a lot of extremely well-compensated menfolk. They had cause to be concerned about gold-diggers, the UPS sorter still at home with mama? There is no gold to dig, sir.
2) He wants a long-haired (red or blonde only) non-African American woman that is big-chested, curvy and voluptuous? Malik, have you seen you?
I don't assume that I'm to everyone's taste and I'm okay with that. But I also know that if you are not the most attractive person (Malik, meet mirror. Mirror, Malik) then you need to bring something to the table: Great personality (FAIL), superior intelligence (FAIL), superb style (FAIL), classy charm (you already know). By the way, Malik - we (the sisterhood) are not insulted. We feel bad for whoever gets you.
3) Dude has "ride subway" listed as a hobby.
I think I'll let that speak for itself.
"What did you do this weekend?"
"Rode the subway, girl."
4) He states on the ad that he prefers his lady's style of dress to be mini-skirts, daisy duke shorts and 5"-6" spike heels but he wants no hookers or dominatrix. :-/
If you read the whole thing, Malik wants a very "promisuous" [his spelling, not mine] woman who is into threesomes, but only with other women. Malik knows he needs no competition. By the way, who is dressing like that on the regular (and looking for Malik)?
5) His own mama is horrified. I can literally hear her shrieking, "What did you DO?"
She knows a) her son is an idiot and b) he's not any closer to getting out of her basement.
BougieLand, have any words of advice for Malik? Have we ever seen this level of delusional desperation? Does anyone have a polite way to tell somebody they are being completely unrealistic? Thoughts, comments, insights?