Today's Five Things post comes from Alisa. Take a look and show some comment love...
Okay, before I get started with this post, I just want to say it's not a good idea to be constantly checking up on your man and giving him the Spanish Inquisition for fidelity every time you see him. Excessive clinginess, jealousy and overblown suspicion have killed plenty of perfectly good relationships. A little space and trust goes a long, long way and many guys aren't nearly as dastardly as pop culture paints them to be.
But ladies, take heed. Even though you don't have to suspect cheating at every turn, you certainly don't have to get blind-sided by your man's infidelity like so many women who like to pretend any man they love must be a saint. If you know what warning signs to look out for, you can know he's cheating long before it becomes as clear as the high-heeled shoe you found in the back seat of his car.
1.) It's a phone thing. It's uncanny how guarded people get about their cell phones when someone important could call at any minute. Ever have a bunch of resumes out and have your phone attached to your hip because you're expecting someone to call for an interview? Well, guys get just as jumpy around their phones when they're cheating. But that's not the full picture of what you need to look out for. Mainly watch for changes of behavior concerning his phone. Stuff like keeping his phone in his pocket or hand when he used to leave it on the counter, or suddenly not allowing you to touch it, even if you're just innocently asking to see some photos he took of the two of you on it. Other clues:
· His phone history is suddenly clear all the time
· His phone is now password-protected and he won't give you the password
· He won't ever let you answer his phone for him or freaks out when you do
· He goes into another room or outside to take certain calls when he used to be fine with you hearing conversations with anyone who called him
· He suddenly won't let you see his texts
· He ignores certain phone calls when you're in the car and he can't step out, and is vague about who it was who called
2.) He checks out around you. If your man used to be all about you and suddenly shows uncharacteristic coldness or lack of interest, it's often a sign he wants out of the relationship or he's cheating. You don't want to go overboard on suspicions right away after all, he might just be having a bad day or is depressed about something. But if he disconnects from you emotionally for a long period of time, and doesn't seem interested in talking about why, or if he seems to be distant, unhappy or bored with you, a red flag should go up. A man who ceases to be affectionate to you may be getting affection somewhere else.
3.) He's gone a lot and gets angry when you ask why. Even the most innocent questions can spark outrage or defensiveness in a cheater because they fear you might be on to them. So if you level-headedly ask if he's been working longer hours lately and he starts getting snappy, or he snaps at basic questions as to his whereabouts, a red flag should go up. Other clues: Spending more time than usual with "the guys" or "some friends" (and you're never invited) or leaving earlier in the morning for work and staying later at work.
4.) His stories don't add up. Let's say he told you he was doing something with an old college buddy on Friday night, but then you find out through Facebook that that college buddy wasn't even in town. If he's not looking you in the eyes when you ask him what's up, it's another red flag.
5.) He suddenly starts trying to change the way he looks. If you've been with a guy for a while and he never used to care about his weight, but he's suddenly hitting the gym, a red flag should go up. Or if he used to dress more casual and now he's started dressing sharp for work every day, there just might be someone at work he's trying to impress. Of course, he may have just turned a new leaf, so look at this as one of many patterns of unusual behavior before you jump to conclusions.
This guest post is contributed by Alisa Gilbert, who writes on the topics of bachelors degree. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: firstname.lastname@example.org.
BougieLand, what do you think? Agree, disagree? Have more to add? Fellas, thoughts without betraying the brotherhood? Do share...