Thursday, November 11, 2010

Double Standard? The man with bad cocoa (yes, it's a euphemism)

Well here it is... the obligatory double standard post about bed game known affectionately in BougieLand as hot chocolate/cocoa.

Guy meets girl, girl has it all going on and is smoking hot. One thing leads to another, they stir the cocoa. Or rather he stirs the cocoa and she just is kinda there. Does she get another shot? 

Girl meets guy, guy has it all going on and is smoking hot. One things leads to another, they stir the cocoa. Or rather he attempted to heat up the cocoa and nothing really... boiled. Does he get another shot? 

Sadly, I believe that the girl with bad cocoa probably gets another shot if she's cute enough and a man deems that she is "trainable." The guy with bad cocoa? Had better have already made a heck of an impression on his cocoa partner. Unless she's not in it for the cocoa. If Peaches is on the come up, she'll no doubt overlook lacking cocoa skillz for pocketbook prowess.

I don't know about this one... a guy who has a terrible time with a girl generally does not go back to his boys and say "That's the worse I ever had" lest it be his fault the experience was lacking. Women? We tell each other about terrible cocoa ALL. THE. TIME. And they tell two friends. And so on. And so on. And so on. Does he even have a shot with anyone in the extended crew? 

Chris Rock once said that a man sleeping with a woman for the first time is like stepping up to the plate with only one at bat. You better knock it out the park the first time out or you will never get invited to play again. True or no?

So tell me, BougieLand: Does dude with bad bed game get another shot? Does girl? What does it depend on? Emotions involved? Time in relationship? Other factors (looks, money, potential, ability and willingness to learn)? Seriously, isn't everybody teachable? Okay, the floor is yours... try and keep it PG-13 as much as you can.

I'm scared. 

251 comments:

1 – 200 of 251   Newer›   Newest»
Ms. Jay said...

I just want to see what Riley is gonna have to say about this . As for me , um I have no experience in this area , as I am waiting to stir the cocoa until I get married .....

*ducks back into a corner with a bag of popcorn *

HonestCounselor said...

"I have not experience in this area, as I am waiting to stir the cocoa until I get married"
Ditto...

*waits patiently for the comments to flow*

sunt97 said...

Hmm I think a man should get 2 chances to stir some cocoa. If it's a bad batch the first time then maybe he should try another recipe. If it's bad the second time and nothing else is doing it for you(intelligence, looks, pockets, you know all that shallow stuff,lol)then he may have to step. I think it's easier for men not to care whether the cocoa is good. They will keep drinking it because it's there.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Only the Tall said...

I did it and it was well worth the wait. Good for you!

Sangali said...

...waiting on Riley too! No experience? No disappointment! Bless your heart, I love it!

Micki said...

If the cocoa is lukewarm, not filled to the brim, and weak, he is going to get a second, third, and possibly a hundredth time. Then after a while, you discover that you have been drinking the same ol' cup of cocoa for the past six months and you are ready for something scalding hot.

Not that I know anything about this.

Vanika 'Nikki' Jennings said...

A man with bad cocoa.....dueces!!!

Now.....decent cocoa... I will give a 2nd try, everybody has bad days...I guess it would depend on his age and what I feel his basic experience level should be and if he doesn't say foolish things like.."Girl, I'ma Put It On Ya" rotflmbo :)

rochee said...

Good sex is not a one-way street.I think that people have to take responsibility for how good the sex was or wasn't. Not in all instances, but in a lot of cases. Whenever I hear a woman say that the sex was awful, I take it with a grain of salt. I think women underestimate how important an emotional connection is, and if that connection is lacking then the sex will be awful by default. So was the sex bad, or were you just not ready to have sex with this person? I think men get the short end of the stick (pun intended) when it comes to sex though. Everyone lays responsibility on their "you know whats" and sometimes women can be the worst bed mates in the world (they are like dead fish, just sitting there and doing absolutely nothing to contribute to the experience). No matter how endowed a man is, or how skilled, good sex is born out of emotional and physical honesty and vulnerability. If those things are lacking, the sex will never be good.

On the other hand, a lot of men just plain and simply suck in bed. I personally think it is more problematic if a woman is awful in bed than a man. I think it is easier to teach a man how to work whatever he has than it is to teach a woman. I think most issues with sex for men are physical, while for women it is emotional. I think the physical is a little easier to overcome.
Side note: My experience/observation...attractive people, or people who think they are pretty/attractive are the absolute worst in bed. Not all, but most. They don't put in the work, they think that they should just show up and be serviced and somehow if the experience isn't good, then the other person is at fault.
*I apologize for writing a dissertation.

Donell Creech said...

im SUCH a big believer in a man setting the tone and pace for just about all aspects of the relationship - it's called leadership. and cocoa is definitely no exception. men - being the single-celled amoeba creatures that we are - any cocoa activity involving release, and yea, we're pretty much straight.

women - as is generally the case in life - are nowhere near that simple.

in my experience - ive found that most instances of bad cocoa are almost always the fault of the man. women are sensual beings by nature. but - nurture does not encourage the full expression of said sensuality and passion...talk about a double-standard topic!

if you are able to get a woman to feel safe and secure enough to raise her freak flag with you (and ALL women have a freak flag - ALL) the cocoa will be beyond amazing. cocoa for women is MOSTLY mental and emotional. after those senses have been teased and tantalized - and then you combine the physical (paging dr. grafenburg) - aaaah yes. you will have over-flowing steaming richly satisfying cocoa all the days of your life.

rochee said...

I actually think that it is unfair to put everything on men. Everyone is different physically and emotionally. What works for some women, will not work for others. I think both parties have to communicate effectively and lay the proper emotional foundation for there to be good sex (in most instances).

rozb said...

If you have bad cocoa combined with a stirrer that isn't adequate enough to stir the chocolate near the bottom of the cup, then...yeah, it was nice meeting you, and don't forget your socks. I'll admit, that combo has caused me to bolt the door behind someone. Quickly. However, bad cocoa may just be in the eye of the beholder, and if it is just bad cocoa but everything else is on point I can work with it. Not forever, but an effort will be made.

I am hungry now.

rozb said...

Or keeps his dress socks on...

Donell Creech said...

unfair - perhaps...but that's also why the topic is here in double standards week. and tapping into a person emotionally and mentally - yes, that is best achieved through conversation. and time. the best sex is achieved almost as an after-thought of making that mind connection with someone...versus sex being the primary / only objective.

rozb said...

I admire that Ms. Jay. Learn from the lessons of those that have had much cocoa.

I don't know why folks think they need to make the mistake to learn from it when there are those who have come before you and can tell you all about it.

Donell Creech said...

uh oh...now you done done it. let the "stirrer" euphemisms begin! :-)

tiffanyinhouston said...

I would generally give a man a pass on lukewarm cocoa the first time because most of the time both you and him are nervous and unsure about the temperature and sweetness of the cocoa. Good cocoa is a gradual process of learning to adjust until you get just the right flavor. (How was that? Good, huh?)

However, some stirrers are just plain old BAD.

And much like the diamonds in my wedding band, a bad dick report is forever. Sorry dudes.

Only the Tall said...

An inadequate stirrer?! In the words of the great Aretha Franklin "Ain't no Way".
That's one chile' that will be left behind.

blackprofessor said...

Rozb for president, LOL!!!

CaliGirlED said...

*stands up, claps and shouts "Woohooooo!"* You go girl!!!

CaliGirlED said...

You ladies are awesome!

CaliGirlED said...

Agreed!

CaliGirlED said...

Roz why are you so damn retarded?!! LMAO

CaliGirlED said...

"Girl, I'ma Put It On Ya", and then he doesn't? I give him a second chance and it's still a swing and a miss, I may be a little hard to reach after that.

Brneyed1 said...

Oh HELLZ no on the dress socks!! Or the tighty whiteys.

Violet Rose said...

So I'm at work, fire this up, see the picture and choke on my coffee laughing so hard. My boss comes over to make sure I don't need the Heimlich and starts reading. He says - Oh! Is cocoa what I think it is? I nod. He reads through including comments and says - I thought it was the motion of the stirrer, not the size of the spoon!
I'm done. Officially dead and gone.

CaliGirlED said...

Ok I think I need a cold shower! Very well said sir.

BluAssassin said...

Depends on the relationship. If I'm only in it for the cocoa, then it better be the best damn cocoa this side of the Mississippi. But if we're in a relationship and he has a lot going for him, then we can work on getting the cocoa recipe just right together.

CaliGirlED said...

"...a stirrer that isn't adequate enough to stir the chocolate near the bottom of the cup,..." You almost made me holla up in here!

Tip to fellows: If your stirrer is inadequate, then you had better know how to sip, slurp and...you get my drift. (Don't want to get put out of Bougieland!)

blackprofessor said...

Does "stirring the cocoa" include fellatio and cunnilingus (you said keep it PG, I am using the technical terms)?? I think those are important aspects of the "cocoa" experience.

I think there is a double standard but it is both the man and women's job to be open, creative and know what works for them. I think some women can be too prudish and some men expect porn star action and both of those are unrealistic. Loving and creative sex in the context of a healthy, monogamous relationship can be beautiful. Having said that, I think everyone can be teachable if they are open to exploring their freaky side. If I am really feeling the guy, and he is "open" despite less than desirable sex, I won't bounce.

Rob said...

I believe you don't talk about it, be about it. If folks would just take a second before diving into the cocoa they could get to know their partner and become a mixologist, ya feel me? Some women just want you to get to the bottom of the cup early and often. Some need you to tap the rim and focus on the marshmallows. Once you know the recipe your partner likes, it's on.

All this to say, everybody prefers their cocoa made with quality ingredients brought to a boil. Sometimes you just have time for Nestle Quik. Sometimes the chocolate is poor quality and you can't get past the first sip. Personally, I don't need to repeat that experience, no matter how thirsty I might be.

So for me, bad cocoa is one and done. About that good cocoa though. That Drake best you ever had cup? Still have flashbacks two days later cocoa? Kinda stuff folks act a fool over... runtelldat.

blackprofessor said...

That's awesome and keep at it!

GrownAzzMan said...

"Chris Rock once said that a man sleeping with a woman for the first time is like stepping up to the plate with only one at bat. You better knock it out the park the first time out or you will never get invited to play again. True or no?"

Survery says, TRUE!

We seldom get a second chance to make a first impression. The BDR is fatal. On the flip, I will typically give a woman a second chance unless there are too many sentences that end with 'I don't do _________. Trainable is one thing but unwilling is another.

rozb said...

I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

GrownAzzMan said...

That slurp thing works well both ways, sistas peep game.

OneChele said...

*hands over Twizzlers* Get it girl.

OneChele said...

High Five!

OneChele said...

Indeed, there does come that point and time when it's hard to get past the bad cocoa. Especially if you have explained the recipe in detail with visual aids. :-|

OneChele said...

Ha! How many lukewarm cups of Swiss Miss have been sipped in the name of love?

OneChele said...

The prevailing school of thought is that those who talk about it "you ain't ready for this, girl. The things I'm going to do to you!"... are all talk. Cocoa is a show me sport.

rozb said...

Ha! Yes it does!

rozb said...

But lukewarm cocoa doesn't even melt the marshmallows...

OneChele said...

The thing is generally men are going to give their all no matter what they think about their partner. If a woman is ticked off, not feeling you, having a bad day, forgot to pick up her dry cleaning, planning Thanksgiving Dinner - she's not 100% there.

OneChele said...

Without being crass, someone once told me it's all a head game. For the women it's in their heads, for the men well... it is their heads.

OneChele said...

Fundamentals are teachable, a willingness to learn is exemplary, poor execution is just unfortunate. Socks or no socks...

OneChele said...

That bad cocoa stigma will follow a brother for years!

OneChele said...

LOL, not the size of the spoon?!

OneChele said...

Especially if he knows it's just about the cocoa. It's like going to Starbuck's and getting a bad cup of coffee. It's like - but that's the only reason I'm here!

OneChele said...

Yes ma'am, whatever it takes to bring the cocoa to a boil. (Lord, we're doing the most with this.)

OneChele said...

My, my, my. *fans self* I see you, sir.

OneChele said...

This right here: Trainable is one thing but unwilling is another.

BB Waite said...

Just so ya young uns know. The cocoa gets better with time. Yes, with the same person. Especially when you are determined to mix up the recipe every now and then. Don't even remember the last time I had bad cocoa. Amen.

keishabrown said...

1st off: DEAD @ Chele being scared. LOL.
2nd: 1st time cocoa is hard to judge. you are new to him. he's new to you. if you havent engaged in certain serious and xrated convo about likes/loves/dislikes/hates...then you are both trying to dance the same dance, speak the same language with no prior knowledge. WDDDA?

to use the hot cocoa (or as i call it chocolat chaud) analogy:
you can have a great first taste (that remains tasting great)
you can have a great first taste (that ended up being a fluke due to circumstances and additional enhancers)
you can have a smedium first taste (that leaves you wanting more, just need to add a lil sugar)
you can have a poor first taste (that leaves nothing to be desired)

the thing is, there are also so many other variables at play. we know that coital activities are more psychological/emotional/mental for women than it is for men (not to say that it ISNT physical either). so whom i give a second chance to depends on how much i like him, how much time/emotions have been invested in him, and if i see potential in our creating decadent hot chocolate together!

thinklikeRiley said...

I hate pretty b*tches who just lie there cuz the cocoa is in cute sparkly-assed package. Don't mean they don't have to do any damn thing. I also clown chicks who don't lick the damn spoon. Spoons need love too.

Bruhs already know, the one thing you GOTTA put down is All-Star Cocoa game. You can be the broke down Pookie with 2 cents and a losing lotto ticket in your saggy jean pocket but ya bring the vanglorious cocoa? Oowee - got her. She had a bad day, she mad you late, you forgot her birthday - cocoa. Steamy-assed make ya wanna holla cocoa gets a bruh further than a Metro pass and pinstripe suit.

Now runtelldat!

rozb said...

Riley - I could hug you!

tiffanyinhouston said...

I just had an X-Clan moment: VAINGLORIOUS COCOA!!! LOL!!

GrownAzzMan said...

Can you say, C-O-M-P-L-I-C-A-T-E-D??? LOL

rozb said...

Especially if he ticked the wrong woman off after delivering said bad cocoa. And the word would travel faster than a thirsty groupie to a Super Bowl victory after-party at the Hilton!

If it was bad cocoa but he was a nice brother, he may get some tutoring, or maybe the Cocoa Rosetta Stone gift set, but if he is a jackass AND brags about it - he will be hearing about it at the Old Folk's condo in Boca Raton after he retires.

thinklikeRiley said...

Points for recognizing!

GrownAzzMan said...

"I also clown chicks who don't lick the damn spoon. Spoons need love too."

^5! This right here is why there is only one Riley...CTFU!

Donell Creech said...

::head bowed:: dear heavenly fatha...please help your SPESHUL chile...rozb. in the name of whyte baby jeezus i pray - amens. amens.

Grace said...

No country for bad cocoa.
That is all.

Carey Jackson said...

This makes me smile.

Carey Jackson said...

We really are!

Carey Jackson said...

HA!!!!

Carey Jackson said...

Size matters.

rozb said...

LOL! Can you deny that it is true? How many brothas have you seen on a massive downfall because he got clowned because of his skills and didn't have "clown insurance", aka some humility about the situation?

And it's the whyte six-pound eight ounce baby Jeezus.

Carey Jackson said...

*throws holy water and runs*

Carey Jackson said...

YES!

Carey Jackson said...

Oh... my.

Carey Jackson said...

Planning Thanksgiving Dinner?

CaliGirlED said...

Amen and amen again!

Carey Jackson said...

OMG - visual aids?!

CaliGirlED said...

Game has been peeped. Cocoa skills are in check!

taut_7 said...

i told my boys about this one chick who i thought had serious cocoa game based on her looks and her body only to be left sorely disappointed. did i give her another chance? yes was it just as bad? yes. did i still give her another chance? you damn right. why? i still don't know to this day. *shrug* so i guess there is a double standard.

CaliGirlED said...

Please lawd! You made her lawd! Hmmmm...*rocks back and forth, just-a-hummin*

William Martin said...

LOL - I see you double and triple checking though!

CaliGirlED said...

Insurance is such a necessary evil! Problem is people don't realize it's value until they need it and don't have it....Once their boys get wind of this bit of info, game.over.

William Martin said...

See now, I'm supposed to be working. Providing professional healthcare for these fine folks in the Phoenix area. But no, I'm huddled up in the lounge reading BnB. And now I'm craving cocoa.
It's going to be a long shift.

CaliGirlED said...

Chele I think you're testing us to see how creative we can be while avoiding getting put out of Bougieland! Whew this is tough! LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

"If it was bad cocoa but he was a nice brother, he may get some tutoring, or maybe the Cocoa Rosetta Stone gift set, but if he is a jackass AND brags about it - he will be hearing about it at the Old Folk's condo in Boca Raton after he retires."

Coca Rosetta Stone gift set? **DEAD**
Old Folk's condo in Boca Raton? **SPINNING**

William Martin said...

He said Metro pass and pinstripe suit y'all...

Misha said...

Visual aids are the bomb--they're fun in and of themselves!!

CaliGirlED said...

How bout that two days later shudder cocoa? You know when you're sittin there thinkin about it and you just have to shake it off.

Misha said...

I must respectfully disagree--I think the big hoochie-koo is such a head game! You can have perfect, um...form?, but if you can't get my head spinning with some good talk and some good tease...I'm out. Am I alone in this?

William Martin said...

A Show me sport - I'm stealing that.

GrownAzzMan said...

I know why. It is the universal brotha answer to almost every bad decision made where a woman was concerned. "But she was foine do!"

William Martin said...

I don't suppose you have a YouTube demonstration? For educational purposes?

CaliGirlED said...

"Trainable is one thing but unwilling is another. " *dead*

CaliGirlED said...

I can't type my comment for laughin my ass off!!!

"You can be the broke down Pookie with 2 cents and a losing lotto ticket in your saggy jean pocket..." *DEAD*

"vanglorious cocoa?" *turning over in my grave*

Donell Creech said...

anyone woman that tells you size does not matter is just trying not to hurt your feelings.

CaliGirlED said...

I got next!...lovemesomeriley!!!

Andrea M said...

Next time show her what you want. Make a game of it. Use edible props. And positive reinforcement. That's all I can say without getting kicked out of BougieLand.
BTW, it's always the ones you least expect who have the best cocoa game.

CaliGirlED said...

Did you say long? *coughs and bows head asking for forgiveness*

Hey what can I say I'm on hiatus. I'll try to mind my manners.

Andrea M said...

So. Damn. True. I don't even wanna think about my caught-up-ness over vanglorious cocoa. Can you say - SPRUNG?

Andrea M said...

Don't you hate when the cocoa is Sade-like: Never as Good as the First Time?!

Donell Creech said...

and @keishabrown's avatar aint helpin the sichation not ONE bit! and then you have @CaliGirlED talking about sipping and slurping....wheeeeeeew....jeezus be a fence today!

Andrea M said...

Only La Bouge would build a metaphor inside an analogy! LOL. Okay, how about especially if you go to Starbuck's just DYING for a good mocha. You wait in line, you place your order and then the drink tastes NOTHING like a mocha. It's like - What is THIS?!

Andrea M said...

True dat.

Andrea M said...

Don't you know if they HAD a Rosetta Stone for the Hot Chocolate - that joint would be a bestseller!

Andrea M said...

Ha, I'd give her vice-president. Chele would be awesome. National Purple Pump day, Free Godiva for everybody, Pilgrimages to Outlet Malls... what a great country this would be!

rochee said...

Absolutely...that's why I don't think women need to take responsibility in certain cases. No matter how skilled a guy is or even how emotionally connected you are, if you aren't into it for other reasons, it is just going to suck.

David Chase said...

*whispers* But uh, have you seen Chele's real life pic on Twitter tho?
Devil, get thee behind me.

David Chase said...

Edible. Props.
*begins to sweat*

Reads4Pleasure said...

There was this time at band camp...ok, not really. But there was this guy in college that was so awful that I stopped him mid-stroke and told him to get dressed and be gone when I got back. Ran into him and his wife at an alumni event and couldn't do anything but feel sorry for her.

GrownAzzMan said...

Nothing like getting that call/text at the office that says, "I just had and after-shock".

David Chase said...

Yes sir. That is how the cream gets whipped.

David Chase said...

Oh ouch. Midstroke? I mean that's not funny but... yeah it is. Wow!

Aisha said...

NOPE if your bed game is shiggity and i have already invested time to get to know you, I'ma be PISSED. if your passed age 16 and this isn't your first time? then you have no excuse as to why you don't know how to hit all the spots, I'm wondering about all the women you would have had to sex with you and LIED to you and said you were good. Send them a laser beam side eye O_o Go back to school and read up, talk to your partner find out what is up and what is wrong, if it can't be fixed like in the case of the man's lack...not of enthusiasm but like Samantha in Sex in the City, you can only do so much with a crayon LMAO yes a broken crayon at that.
Sorry dude Im a healthy, sexual and grown woman (Scorpio) cocoa matters.

David Chase said...

Respect sir.

CaliGirlED said...

"Trainable is one thing but unwilling is another." Very well put!

maureen palmer said...

It's a shame. My project is mid-way done, but I'm on BnB reading about cocoa stirring. Shame on me. The minute my boss asks for status on this project I'm directing her to BnB.

OneChele said...

I hear ya. I like a good lead in myself but er uh, if you're gonna talk the talk...

maureen palmer said...

It has always been my principle if I like the guy I'm willing to work with a not so great cocoa stirring. Don't judge me.

OneChele said...

Side-eye. You may go back to work now. Go save lives, Dr. Martin.

michaeldavis said...

"to the east blackwards" LOL

Aisha said...

you raised a good point which is why pharmaceutical companies are pissed, in the case of men its mostly a physiological "problem" that can be overcome, while in the case of women, although there might be physiological factors the main factor is MENTAL, if the woman isn't really into you, can't get comfortable, has had bad sexual experiences (i.e. been the victim of sexual abuse or assault) that are unresolved then no matter how good you are you won't be able to get her to respond.

CaliGirlED said...

Excuse me sir, you started it (after Chele) with your descriptive cocoa analogy 3 hours ago! Let me refresh your memory..."...the cocoa will be beyond amazing. cocoa for women is MOSTLY mental and emotional. after those senses have been teased and tantalized - and then you combine the physical (paging dr. grafenburg) - aaaah yes. you will have over-flowing steaming richly satisfying cocoa all the days of your life."

You have Rob talkin bout being a mixologist, and William talking bout long shifts....damn, damn, damn!!!

maureen palmer said...

*church*

David Chase said...

Points for trying though.

Jeannette Abrahamson said...

Yeahi had to tell a guy one time that the cocoa was bad, but i couldn't explicitly say so. After i didn't return his calls or texts, he finally asked me "what's wrong". I said "nothing, i'm just busy".. lol...a few more days passed by, he asked again "is everything ok".. i finally had to come out and say "we are not sexually compatible" code word for: bad chocolate. I couldn't come out and say..not only your sex game wack, but you snored right after stirring ALL DAMN NIGHT. So much so that I had to leave the room and chat on the phone with my homegirl giving her the play by play of the bad chocolate... **le sigh**

Cha Keziah said...

I'm right there with you girl...

Misha said...

Yeah...unfortunate side effect, especially if you're working an 11-12 hour shift, like yours truly... =(

maureen palmer said...

Cue "Hunger" by Eric Bnet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzJ1Tl8Ob4s

SingLikeSassy said...

This is why I don't believe in faking the funk. If you let a dude think what he's doing is OK, what's the incentive to improve?

I agree completely with the head game comment below. For me it's definitely about how I feel about the person and the relationship/situation. That said I wouldn't dismiss a bruh after the first time if things weren't to my liking.

Joy Andrews said...

Did we date the same guy? Bad cocoa, foghorn snoring, clueless?

maureen palmer said...

"motion of the stirrer". *dead*

SingLikeSassy said...

::logs off the Internet cause Riley dun broke it down so that it will forever and completely be ba-roke::

Joy Andrews said...

There's not so great and then there's just plain turr-bull. I believe somewhere in BougieLand I have told the story of the dude who FELL OFF me mid-stroke. Aim, missed, landed on the floor next to the bed. Now granted, we may or may not have gotten adventurous with some oils but uh... who falls off? And was talking all measure of shiggity before he took a header towards the floor. "I'm killing this girl, you know you like it" - THUMP. Headplant. Carpet. Done. Go Home.
I can't work with that level of incompetence.

maureen palmer said...

"Cocoa Rosetta Stone". I can't. My eyes are red from laughing at some of these comments. I quit BnB.

OneChele said...

This story gets better (and more hilarious) each time you share it. All time BougieTale Classic. "The Dude who fell off... literally"

maureen palmer said...

I thought they sell things to help stirrer reach the bottom of the cup?

RC Turi said...

Great cocoa is great sans extras. If you can't make me shiver and shake with just our two naked (or semi) bodies, toys, syrups, potions and lotions are not going to help. LOL

Bad cocoa is a deal breaker.

Joy Andrews said...

"Cute sparkly-assed package* - BWAHAHA!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL, girl I keep coming back! I'm working on a sloooow moving program, so in between entries, I come back to see who said what! Damn am I sprung on Bougieland? Where's Jayme? I think to need help! LOL

Joy Andrews said...

emphasis on whipped.

SingLikeSassy said...

Yeah, I'm with you. I hate all those condiments and ish. You are working up on my having a yeast infection, hell.

Joy Andrews said...

Gives me hope!

CaliGirlED said...

Dayum!!!!

Joy Andrews said...

Mixologist... amen.

CaliGirlED said...

Bless your heart!

rozb said...

This. Right. Here. So funny my boss asked me why was I crying. I am going to be in trouble...

CaliGirlED said...

D.E.A.D.

rozb said...

Is there a Bougie-holics Anonymous group?

Hello...is this thing on? *Ahem*. Hi. My name is Roz, and I am a Bougie-holic. It has caused me to choke on food, mess up projects, and laugh out loud at inappropriate times. But I *sniff* can't stop. I can't quit Bouge. Thank you...

rozb said...

::Throw the mic on the floor:: Sexual Chocolate! Chele said it so beautifully, don't you agree?

rozb said...

Yeah, but you usually end up just sticking with the stirrer helper.

rozb said...

Can you put a bad stirrer in the corner? With a dunce cap on or something?

maureen palmer said...

point duly noted.

rozb said...

And you know how she does it. Her voice goes up several octaves when she answers you.

"No, no. Size doesn't matter. If you really love that person then you will make that sacrifice. Not that it's a HUGE sacrifice. I'm just saying. Want a sandwich?"

rozb said...

I HATE being bamboozled and hornswoggled! Makes you just wanna flip the cup over! Then you're left thinking "I coulda had a V-8!"

diamond life said...

*fist bump*

rozb said...

Especially if the aftershock happens during a meeting or in a public place.

diamond life said...

That is admirable. You are a patient woman.

CaliGirlED said...

Amy! You better get in here girl! LOL

Steve said...

If I'm really into the girl, I'll work with her. If I was only in it to hit and it's awful. No thanks.
But you ladies are brutal, you will bounce a brother for an off-night. Uh, not that I have those.

CaliGirlED said...

Welcome Roz!

My name is Elisha and I am a Bougie-holic. I want to thank Roz for inviting me to the meeting today.

Sarah said...

Over 100 comments by mid-day, it must be about the hot chocolate. Y'all are amusing. If I'm perfectly honest, I'd say I wouldn't leave because of the bad or stay because of the good. I tried once to have a relationship based simply on hot chocolate and it was a disaster. I'm not judging. It's just not for me. I'm only happy being with somebody if I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with them and that sort of thing can't be faked or papered over or whatever. On my bad days shortly after I left the last one, I thought he was only with me because he thought he could bully me into paying the bills and he got his hot chocolate twice a day. I don't know. But for me, if I don't think he really loves me for me and is a true blue friend, I'm gone.

Steve said...

LMAO THUMP. Headplant. Carpet. Done. Go Home.
Here lies Steve, slayed by BougieLand.

Steve said...

h/t for the band camp reference...

Steve said...

yes. sir.

CaliGirlED said...

I can't even laugh for fear that it will get me in trouble! (Supposed to be working on a deadline project.)

Ok but now I'm in jeopardy of getting a headache trying to hold it in!

Steve said...

Chele - T-shirt? "Hot cocoa cures most ills. Get some"

rozb said...

Where you guys on a ship in stormy weather or something? 'Cause to fall off something other than you should have been moving. And to top it off, he had to try to explain the rug burn he probably had on the side of his face from trying to slide into home.

Donell Creech said...

sigh. this aint right! this aint right! a grown self-employed man whose productivity is PLUMMETING faster than say pay's popularity at a mensa meeting. i.caint.get.NATHIN.done. foolin around wit' alla ya'll bougie behinds on these innanets.

NATHIN.

ima fight alla ya'll in your face. hard. starting with YOU onechele. and then i'ma make my way round the room...rozb...CaliGirlED...tlR...SingLikeSassy...mmmm hmm yep...alla ya'll - its on!

Steve said...

And now the song is stuck in my head.

Steve said...

Oh wow...

CaliGirlED said...

Sassy representin for the sensitive cups! Cocoa with whipped cream and cinnamon, please. Yes that's all, if you make it right, I won't need anything else. Please and thank you.

Steve said...

That is what this discussion thread was mixing - a reference to Sexual Chocolate. Ha!

AppleBerryMIA said...

How did he? Were you? And then you?
Nevermind.

Tonda Williams said...

Bad Cocoa...DEUCES! I'm cool with experimenting, but NOT cool with teaching!

Now if you kind folks in BougieLand will excuse me, I need to call "SUPAMAN".....He's gotta change that arrival date.....

aishao1122 said...

laughing so hard there are tears!!! WDDDA damn this is too funny, Reading this reminded me about the brother who fell off silk sheets. Admittedly there is an art to staying on them, but they were his idea which made me think he never used them before, no cocoa stirred that night as I couldn't stop laughing , like now as i type this I'm still laughing.
Oh man Good times Good times.

AppleBerryMIA said...

As Chele says, Le Deep Damn Sigh.
*takes Rob by the ear and pulls him outta BougieLand while muttering* Out here telling all the business, sharing the cocoa secrets.
C'mon Mixologist, you done stirred up enough.
Paging Dr. Jayme.

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! I know right!

ljoiner said...

I wouldn't leave you if the cocoa wasn't the best cocoa I ever had.. hopefully the dude is trainable. Now if after several practice sessions he STILL wasn't improving under my AWESOME tutelage...well then I may have to gently suggest that he exit stage left.....

CaliGirlED said...

"speed knot" I.can't.laugh.anymore!

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! Love!

Get him girl!!!

CaliGirlED said...

*high five* You go girl!

CaliGirlED said...

Deleting stuff off the report that's supposed to remain! I'm going to get fired messin round in Bougieland! Then I'm going to have to sell the cocoa so me and babygirl can eat! LOL

Shahlex said...

"If your stirrer is inadequate, then you had better know how to sip, slurp and..."

That's exactly what I was thinking!

rozb said...

Not an off night, THE off night. Or two. Or three.

Evansaw said...

Keep coming back, Ya'll.....LOL

Evansaw said...

My husband's best friend is known to have really bad cocoa technique(both size and moves). His reputation proceeds him. I had to stop trying to set him up, because as soon as I mention him to someone, they say, "not the brother with the little......" This has been going on for him for the last 20 years. I don't know how he got 6 kids.... SMH

BlackButterfly said...

Why must I make sure I am never drinking anything when I enter BougieLand! :)

For me-- Emotion is required, Technique counts, S-I-I-I-Z-E does matter and an Adonis body ain't proof of anything! There are no second chances at the cocoa because I have already invested the time simmering the cocoa and if you can't fill the cup... I am throwing out the pot for a new batch.

Donell Creech said...

::ahem, digging for the money clip:: um yes, i'd like TWO venti cups, extra whipped cream and chocolate drizzle, for here. please, yes ma'am and thank you. :->

rozb said...

Being known for bad cocoa technique and short stirrers will follow you around like an abandoned crippled dog you accidentally fed. You can't even walk it to the woods and leave it because it follows you. Heck - he might even have a FaceBook page dedicated to those who were disappointed.

He's got kids because probably his little men have to swim like hell, knowing the handicap they have to work with, like being dropped off at a bus stop two miles from work and you have to walk. You get strong legs and great lungs. Once they get to the destination it is hit or miss. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I have officially run out of bad cocoa stirrer analogies. 'Bout to go sit in my chair, and have a drink...

J B said...

And then there's the risk of burnt coffee....but we won't go there...

CaliGirlED said...

I. QUIT. YOU!!!

OneChele said...

This is why we don't speak of the cocoa often - y'all lose your minds.

All Honey said...

Silly me for deciding to work today instead of creepin' on into BougieLand like I normally do. Wow.
I'll give a man I'm emotionally invested in a few chances with encouragement during the probationary period and a performance improvement plan. But if he's still unable to satisfactorily meet expectations, he is fired and his application is destroyed. Hope don't nobody call and ask for a reference... I tell the truth.

All Honey said...

LOL - get it!

All Honey said...

Did you at least let him put his pants on before you threw him out? LMAO

OneChele said...

7 comments have gone missing today - sorry all!

Donell Creech said...

how conveeeeeeeeeeenient that one of the comments gone missing is CaliGirlED promising folks hot cocoa for sale...mmmmm hmmmmm. hoodwinkery!

OneChele said...

LOL - is that what it was? I didn't even see it before I got the DISQUS error message.
Ha!

datdudeincali said...

I have never in the history of cocoadom cut a chick for bad cocoaness. (If Chele can make up words, I can too)

My ego and skillz are such that I always feel I can bring her out of the powdery swiss miss category into premium Godiva levels with me.

Furthermore, I've never allowed a woman to cut me for a less than stellar performance. I always ask (okay plead) for another chance to knock it out the park (uh, bubble it up on the stove? I'm mixing my metaphors).

I'm a man of sizable ego (and stirrer, since you brought it up). I give good cocoa or die trying.

That's all the modesty I can muster today. Later BougieFam.

OneChele said...

Cocoadom and Cocoaness...

iQuit!!!

You and your sizeable stirrer (side-eye) have chased me away from BougieLand for the day. I haven't even written tomorrow's post yet. Not sure I can. I need wine. Or a chocolate martini.

OneChele said...

I'm all for putting a man on a PIP. 30/60/90 days to elevate your job performance or go work elsewhere. Yes indeed. That's old school Human Resource Management. 1 verbal warning, 1 written and then you're done.

datdudeincali said...

When I saw the title, I knew better than to venture in too early. You can spend all day lost in BougieLand.

datdudeincali said...

Dude said 2 cents and a losing lotto ticket...

baileyqc said...

This is quite... something. All I can add is - life is too short for bad cocoa.

CaliGirlED said...

Hey Chele is that your way of politely putting me out? LOL

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