Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Please don't put a hourglass on the hot chocolate (yes, it's a euphemism)



Note - Hot Chocolate is a euphemism for naked aerobics (also a euphemism). People read this blog at work plus I'm bougie. Embrace the euphemisms... 

So the other day, a few people forwarded me an article from the blog Until I Get Married called How a Man Waits for the Women to Come Around. Long story short, the author (Jozen C.) basically states that if a woman doesn't give up the hot chocolate by week four, a dude is moving on. And not just moving on but shifting you to text message only status. In fact by week three if the cocoa hasn't been poured, he's thinking about moving onto the next. Here's a quote:
Four weeks in and the woman he was so into is still giving him the first date treatment? Ladies, please. It’s not that men don’t have time for that. They don’t have the pride for it. Maybe two weeks in this was a game he was willing to play, a light scrimmage if you will, but now, he’s ready for a real game, with pads and everything, yet she’s still talking about some two hand touch. See, a man like me doesn’t chase sex, he chases girls that he likes. If a woman makes me wait four weeks, I just think she doesn’t really like me back, so I’m moving on, but with some semblance of hope.
[strategic pause for dramatic effect]

I call bullshiggity. Not on the author or the site which can be rather insightful but on this particular post and ideology. Which is all part of a grand hustle to get women to give up the good-good (or is it new-new?) early and often. It's the pimpin' game - if you want to keep a man (and please recall that we are needy, desperate thirsty creatures who should be grateful a man looked our way) you better give him what he wants or he'll go find someone who will.

Bullshiggity to the nth power. Seriously, what are we- 16? Are men still so very concerned with getting the drawers that ladies can't take a second to figure who they're swapping bodily fluids with? Please tell me menfolk aren't still getting over on this "I'll get it from somewhere else" line? You know what? Go. Get. It.

Are men so insecure that the only way I can show you I like you is by bouncing naked with you? Immediately? For real though? I. Think. Not.

Now if this is just about a little hit-n-quit itch-scratching, that's a different story. If so, a man should state that (upfront) and believe me a lady will tell you quite readily whether she is down for that or not. Maybe that's all she wants as well. (Or maybe she thinks you'll get hooked and it will turn into something more, whole other topic) But if you're talking a relationship? Like forever ever (forever ever?)... Yeah, put down the hourglass. Repeatedly asking "Are we there yet?" is irksome and a little bit insulting. Surely, men don't mean to sound like all they want women for is the hot-n-sloppy. 

Listen, in the words of the immortal Billie Holiday: Ain't nobody's business if I do. Just so happens that I don't. Freely dispense the cocoa that is. I've never been an early and often, 2-for-1 coupon, double scoop giveaway kinda girl. I gotta be in it to be in it if you know what I mean (and I'm sure you do). But ladies, if your bedroom has a "Now Serving Number:" sign over the door, do you sweetheart. As long as you're not sleeping with my man or giving 20% to Pretty Tony, get yours. 

As for me, I feel I'm worth the wait. And guess what? So have my ex-s.o.'s from my better relationships. Not once have I lost a guy I truly gave a damn about because I asked him to wait. 

So how long is too long? That's between the two people trying to have a relationship. I know relationships where they stirred the chocolate on the first date and went on to live happily ever after. I know relationships where they waited for six months or longer and it was all good. I also know the opposite side of both of those tales. 

It happens when it happens. And as everyone knows, once you let that particular genie out of the bottle - its hard to put back in. Sometimes it's not about games or control or fear of intimacy. Sometimes it's 1) I just don't know you like that 2) I'm not feeling you like that 3) I know once we're in it, we're in it or 4) sometimes the cocoa is better if you let it simmer a little. Who has sipped cocoa too fast and been burned? [show of hands, please] That can be painful and take a long time to heal. But a really good cup of hot chocolate? Where you've allowed the flavors to meld and get to just the right temperature? Well, that's delicious and you're going to want that recipe again and again. (Killing the metaphor, let me move on)

I've heard the argument - well what are we waiting for? Women know in the first few minutes whether they are interested enough to stir the cocoa or not, right? Perhaps. But can I take a second to get comfortable with you? I'm to get through life without any communicable diseases. I'm trying not to be the storyline in an episode of Forensic Files. Maybe that takes two hours, maybe that takes two months. I don't know. 

Here's what I do know ladies- any man who has you on a  countdown to extinction because of sex is so not worth your time. Remember last week when we got into some swirl in the comments because men don't like the idea of attaching a schedule to a ring? Take all that indignant outrage that the men showed for a ring countdown and apply it the cocoa analogy. Time leading up to the cocoa is not wasted. In fact, if the gentleman is really on his game he is taking this time to get to know just how the lady might like her chocolate served. Knowledge is power and time gives you that. Nuff said.

Gentlemen of BougieLand, please get on this one for me. What's with the sexpectation countdown? Is there some sort of clock ticking in your head? How long do you wait until you hit the eject and reset button? Ladies, please get some of this as well - I know you have some thoughts on the Countdown to Cocoa. Not asking that you share your personal timelines (TMI), just asking for your thoughts, comments and insights. The floor is yours.

164 comments:

Brneyed1 said...

Nothing like some bouge to start my morning! Well, since I'm merely a bougie wanna-be in training I'll just say it plain: you f**k with me, you stuck with me. Period. If you ain't sure that you're ready to start a relationship, don't press me for the cocoa.

CorettaJG said...

Oh, I'm so glad you brought this to the land of grown folks. I look forward to the comments. I occasionally read Jozen's blog because I generally enjoy his writing even when I don't agree. I happened to stop by a few days ago just in time to read the foolishness that was this post. I wrote in the comments:

"Wow. This is just laughable (but certainly one way to get some confused women to fall for this bull). Thank God I know my value and I know that I am worth the wait. The kind of immature, irresponsible and unprincipled man you describe who uses this timeline is not the kind of man the women I know want or need. The woman who would accept this deserves him (although I suspect he won't stick around very long) and the diseases they will share together. "

I then read the other comments and those from his original Oct 6 post on the matter and at least felt encouraged by the strong opposition to his position taken by other young women. He has a right to express his opinion but this one seemed so at odds with the perception I had of him from his previous essays. Oh well. The funny thing was that I had just been traveling while sporting my "I AM WORTH THE WAIT" t-shirt that I got from a fashion show produced by http://www.iamworththewait.com/wtwr/. lol.

BluAssassin said...

I always say, "Sex complicates things. Don't have sex with anybody you're not trying to get complicated with."

michaeldavis said...

I guess I'll volunteer to be one of the first human pinatas here. Please, be gentle.

I would say that that I do not hold an "hourglass to the hot chocolate." However, I do hold one to the general dating process.

General dating = basic courtship = phone convo/texts/non-intimate meetups during NORMAL hours.

If a woman if still playing the games with respect to general dating after a month then I tend to think she is not that into me.

While I did not read the linked post blog, I agree that the man does chase women that he likes. And if you can't get a read from the woman that she at least likes you enough to pursue a relationship (vs. just being friend zoned), and you don't want to be platonic friends then I tend to cut bait.

Again, this just applies to the general dating process and not the ACT.

I do not like being in permanent chase mode for general dating. If she returns your phone calls two days later, if your texts saying merely "hello/how was your day/what's good/just thinking about you" go unanswered yet she's posting on Facebook and twitter right after you sent it, SHE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I'm not fragile, I can take a hint, and I'm out.

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

End of the day...People reveal themselves through their priorities.

Dude puts you on the HC-HG, then you do not have to worry about wondering where his priorities are. Conduct yourselves accordingly.

Meanwhile...us grown folks will be over here doing us and trying not to laugh when you continue to make that mistake listening to a man/woman and not observing their priorities.

Only the Tall said...

On the real: "I need to get some test results on you" Amen! In this day and age I just don't understand how and why people are so quick to give it up and you don't know where "Miss Thang" or "Mr. Dong" have been? Wow, uh, can we get to know each other first? What kind of books do you read (uh, do you read?) What kind of people do you come from? The list goes on, but I only feel comfortable in serious relationships and in each one, there was no pressure because they knew that I knew that they knew, I was worth the wait. The woman always decides when. Anything else would be uncivilized.

David Chase said...

Good Lawd. Somebody on some high school steez talking about if you like me you'll prove it by letting me hit. No sir. I always ask - what would I tell my sister? I would (and did) tell my sister "If he's into you, he'll wait. If he's just in for the cookie, you're better off if he bounces"
Personally, I prefer if the lady is comfortable and at ease and feels she knows and trusts me enough to let her guard all the way down. Ya dig?

Pure Choco said...

I got the "you're playing games, what are we waiting for" speech from a supposedly grown-assed man this weekend. I said "Are we on the clock?" Then he backed off with "just playing, just playing" - Whatever. I've only known dude for three weeks and he thinks I'm game playing? Ninja what is your middle name? Who your peeps? Where you been laying your head? Can a sister get some intel on you first? Damn.

Andrea M said...

I'm probably more along the lines of developing long-term cut buddies than happily ever after candidates right now. So if we met and I like and you say nothing stupid, we can go straight to it. My issue now is the damn cut buddies trying to catch feeling and wanting more. What part of the game is that?
To all of this I say, know which game you're playing before you jump in.

Felicia369ny said...

"ninja what is your middle name?" Dead. LOL! Some family members, friends would be nice to say hello to. If the family members/friends seem crazy, then guess what. So is he. I'm out. "Just playin" ? Grown men, say this? I'm done.

baileyqc said...

Whether a man chases a woman for sex or relationship potential, attaching a schedule to the cocoa is tacky and immature. It reeks of ultimatum and girls hate those just as much as guys.

JustPassingBy said...

First of all Chele: But ladies, if your bedroom has a "Now Serving Number:" sign over the door, do you sweetheart. As long as you're not sleeping with my man or giving 20% to Pretty Tony, get yours. **DEAD**
Second of all, does this work on women over 21?

Cassie said...

I semi-sorta agree. But I think time spent with me (naked or not) is your ROI (return on investment) for now. I'm not even looking for you to spend ex amount of dollars. I just need you to let me get to that level and then I'm all in.

CaliGirlED said...

I don't hate the players or the game. I just hate when folks try to hide their jersey under their shirt. Obviously ol' boy (author of the post) is trying to do the slick back door entrance into the "drawers", instead of being up front about it. There are women out there who are all for instant sex, and with no strings attached. So since it's taking him 2 - 4 weeks to realize that she is not going to get with his program says to me that, 1) his game is not tight and 2) he's not bold enough to represent who he is by sportin his jersey in plain view. He'll never be MVP!

Gods_Man said...

I went over and read the referenced story because I KNEW no one was making this type of argument. This is beyond foolishness. Now that I am back with a sad look on my face I just want to share this. Men and Women, please understand your worth. You are not defined by your bedroom game, whether you play or not, and if someone is evaluating you based on that please move on.

Tyroc said...

One of the reasons I am celibate. The others are I'm ugly and have no money but mainly this.

OSHH said...

ITA, last paragraph dead on!!!!!

OneChele said...

Thanks for delurking, sir. And might I say - "They say the game is not for the faint of heart" <-- well said.

OneChele said...

You used the "U" word. *shudders*

BluAssassin said...

Me too on the "long-term cut buddies." And the cut buddies do catch feelings. SMH

OneChele said...

Not middle name? Ha! DNA, Resume, test results, references and mayhaps a credit check?
LOL!

OneChele said...

Social media has completely changed the game, hasn't it? A friend was telling me she was having this conversations she thought was deep and personal with a guy and looks up to see he's tweeting bs about it. What part of the game?

OneChele said...

My job is get to know her and make myself so damn irresistible that she completely forgets that 90 day thing.
Game recognize game Dr. Martin. I salute you.

OneChele said...

LMAO! Oh my.

Earthangel172 said...

I've been single since May after ending a 3-1/2 year relationship. I met this guy in August who was 42 and divorced. We went out for drinks and I thought the date went well. Boy was I wrong!! He called me 2 days later to tell me that I said something that really bothered him. He said that my comment about not putting out until I was in a committed relationship struck a nerve with him. He went on to say that he is 42, has waited before in the past and is not willing to wait or be alone with me on another date because he's going to want to touch me and he knows he can't. **insert eye roll here** I had to cut the convo short after that. Told him it was nice meeting him and that we have nothing else to talk about because he had said more than enough.

My initial reaction was "is his biological clock ticking or something?" Hell I'm 31 and I feel like I have all of the time in the world. Crazy huh?

Like OneChele, I'd rather wait and get to know a person before I let them all up in my cup.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Let me start by saying the paragraph where you talk about melding flavors and sipping cocoa was hot. Like if I wasn't about to get married, I'd hop a flight to Texas and offer to fix you cocoa from scratch hot... but I digress.

The future Mrs Skyy and I had that instant "gimme some" vibe from jump and so we did. But a few weeks in we had to take a few steps back and actually figure out if there were other things we liked about each other beyond the bed game. That heat can take over but when it cools, you want something else there.

OneChele said...

We dig.

OneChele said...

Thanks for the link! Also for the BougieLand subtitle. I'll have to update it to read: BougieLand -where grown folks dwell ;-)

OneChele said...

Amen and a belated good morning.

OneChele said...

Someone pass the offering plate, this is CHURCH!

OneChele said...

MAJOR side-eye to dude.

MidWestDominicana said...

*Hugs Chele* I love this blog so much. You have the best followers evar! This post is making my Tuesday.

BrendaKay said...

Well, I'm here to tell you, that it's not only the 20-30's year old young guys who apparently have some sort of a timetable for the good-good.

A good friend arranged for a phone introduction between me (I'm 52) and her 70 year old uncle. Thirty minutes into a rather pleasant conversation, uncle who also happens to be a church deacon drops this little tidbit of information on me ~ at his age, he expects by the third date to be getting the opportunity to know the woman he's with biblically. I told him, good luck with that as the only schedules I believe in are those set by the bank or my work.

I'm pretty sure there won't be a second phone conversation and certainly no face-to-face meeting between me and the horny old age deacon. :-)

All Honey said...

YESSS! Can I just dial-a-d**k and be done?

All Honey said...

Mama's maiden name?!

Earthangel172 said...

"he expects by the third date to be getting the opportunity to know the woman he's with biblically."

**Jaws drops to the floor**

Earthangel172 said...

*Jaw - typo

MelaninEnriched said...

My M.O. is don't sleep with a man who wouldn't make a good father.

If you don't KNOW if he'll make a good father (or his middle name and how long he's had his last job), then he can't sip the cocoa.
Of course, the other risks of cocoa-sipping must be taken into account as well.

I've heard this swindle quite a bit, esp. where I live because the "competition" is so steep with women. I tell them to kick rocks with that timeline tomfoolery.

Your quote is definitely worth repeating: "Please tell me menfolk aren't still getting over on this "I'll get it from somewhere else" line? You know what? Go. Get. It."

OneChele said...

Eww ick BrendaKay! Eww. And. Ick!
Umm... where did the Deacon find the third date rule in the Bible?

keishabrown said...

OH NO!!!!!!!
LMAOOOO!!!
you arent ugly. your team is! #POW

Troy said...

Not to be all braggadocious but getting the cocoa (with cinnamon sprinkled a top) is the least of my problems. At this point if the bed game isn't attached to a brain game, I'll wait.
Sex is easy. Smart is hard to find.

OneChele said...

Aw - thanks! *hugs back*

Tyroc said...

zing!

FreeBlackMan said...

You can boot me out today, I don't care.
Life is short, I want the cocoa early and often. Who are you saving it for?
Some y'all act like the secret to life is hidden between your thighs.
It's not that serious.

MariSol said...

OOoooo~ agreed, agreed, agreed.
Sex is the easy part. Presumably, both parties know what they're doing (or can be taught) it's all the other (unteachable) stuff that's hard to find.

MariSol said...

*snickers* Dey own damn cash?

Gods_Man said...

SMH at the "Deacon"

MariSol said...

Timing is everything! Had one guy who had just picked me up and we were walking to his car state -You know what's happening tonight right? Me - dinner and a movie? Him - then we come back here for desset, you know what I like to eat? Me - Never mind.

Next guy was on date 3 and I had to ask him - Are you going to kiss me good night? Him - I was being respectful. Me - I'll tell you when I feel disrespected.

Feel like Goldilocks trying to find one that's Just Right.

MariSol said...

This confuses me. We give it up too soon we're sluts, too slow we're playing games. We can't win!

MariSol said...

LMAO at dial-a-d**k
(do they have an 800 number?)

OneChele said...

Get him B.

BB Waite said...

Seriously want to smack you upside the head with my Bible.
The secret to life IS hidden between our thighs, young man.
Think about it.
Also why not everybody deserves a ride on the chocolate fountain.
*mutters to self* these young folks out here!

OneChele said...

I'm so tempted to ask about the cinnamon sprinkles.
Never mind. ;-)

Steve said...

Bruh, how you gonna slid in some game and cloak it as commentary?
Ha! We see you.

Steve said...

I admit part of my problem is that I want what I want when I want it. And I generally want it all right now. Either I get you there with me or not. But there's no clock watch, no calendar check.
HOWEVER, I ain't for no games. We're weeks and months in and everything is clicking and we're all but the full cocoa - no ma'am. We are not 16. Don't start games you don't plan to finish.

Nicky G said...

Tabernacle! Mosque! Mandir! (what?? I live in a multi-religious society!)

Vonnie said...

*ahem* What part of Cali are you in?

Vonnie said...

omg, i cried laughing. so sorry for your problems *hangs head*

OneChele said...

JD! No you did not!

cocoaeyecandy said...

I've had disastrous result when I gave into that feeling too early. Sorry but it is an intimate act. You can't give pieces of yourself to just anybody. And if you do, buyer beware.

LikeLena said...

CHELE! I quit you! 20% to Pretty Tony?!?!

stratosphere said...

*this is why i LOVE bougieland* Keep up the Bougenificence, 'Chele!

Paul on Ice said...

Is it bad that I don't necessarily see what's wrong with that?

CaliGirlED said...

I concur!

CaliGirlED said...

You Mr. Riley wear your jersey with boldness. And I can respect that! If a woman who's looking for a commitment gets involved with you, then she gets what she gets. You are too upfront for words.

Suebhoney1125 said...

FBM - It's got to be somethin there because the lengths some go through to get at it will make your head spin.

The Real Curvy Jones said...

Well I'll tell ya... I've met many a man who brings up sex on date 2 and is appalled/amazed/aghast that I have no intention of pouring any time soon. They (and their needs) skip along their merry way, time after time. It's very seldom that I meet a man that doesn't push... but then dude drags things along so slowly that I'M bored. Rock and a hard place!

I like William Martin's response. Your job isn't to 'talk me into it', it's to be the kind of man I think I could let get close to me. The man that says, hey take your time, I'll wait.... probably won't have to wait that long. The man that pushes up on me on every date or get together??? Man that deadline just keeps moving back!

CaliGirlED said...

You are STUPID for that one!!! LMAO

I didn't even need to run the clip on this one, I love Martin! Yeah Brenda, I'm sure your face-to-face would have been something like this! LOL

brownstocking said...

Get. That. Said. Patriarchy and kyriarchy ain't sexy.

AppleBerryMIA said...

I don't whether to sing a chorus of Independent Women or give you a hug ;-)

AppleBerryMIA said...

Amen! Don't need the entire burning bush, just put some smoke on the leaves and I'm out.

OneChele said...

1) You're not old.
2) The honesty is great
3) When you speak your truth, we have to respect that
Thanks for a great comment.

OneChele said...

I cannot wait for the day you announce your engagement on BnB. I'm coming to chat with the future Mrs. Riley personally.

OneChele said...

I don't know what the going hoe-to-pimp % rate is ;-)
Is Velvet Jones a better pimp name?
I'm not up on my pimpology.

MidWestDominicana said...

Saving(ed) it for the one who is meant to have it. There is more than the secret of life hidden there, it is the paradise promised to the most worthy with a seriousness you can not fathom because once it is discovered, rather than just had, it is cherished and protected. Loved and respected. I hope you have the privilege to discover the life, wonderment and preciousness of it soon.
*Stands next to BB with my church fan* GethimJesus!

tiffanyinhouston said...

Dudes need to quit playing, thinking they can't get GOT. GO back to some chick's house and end up like this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39827189/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/

She lured dude to some crib and I BET he thought he was gonna get some cookie. Now he's dead.

Folks need to stop playing.

datdudeincali said...

Dude came at this all sideways.

First problem, a woman (just like a man) that sleeps with you doesn't necessarily like you. Refer to Ms. Dial-a-D**k below in the comments. So whether she pours the cocoa or not is no true indicator of affection. Not in these times.

Second issue, I don't want random cocoa thrown at me. Some might be burned, some might be bitter, some might be left over and stale. I only want the sweet rich hot kind that makes me crave seconds or thirds or fourths... you get the idea (Chele, how am I doing with your metaphor?)

Third, I don't tie cocoa into my investment strategy. I always assume the cocoa is there, it's not a bargaining chip on either side. I'm investing in the total person.

Fourth, I don't date all willy-nilly. I do a vetting process prior to Date One so unless something catastrophically fails, Date One is the first of at least a few. When I call a woman 5-star, I'm referring to more than the beauty/body package.

Just a few thoughts from my male mind.

keishabrown said...

these hot chocolate metaphors are killing me softly.
"I only want the sweet rich hot kind that makes me crave seconds or thirds or fourths.."
*fans self!

ps: Chele..what the ROCK am i supposed to do come winter time and all I drink is hot chocolate????? gonna be getting all steamy and misty eyed in the coffee shop!!
*shakes fist. LOL ;)

OneChele said...

My apologies. I thought about that earlier today. People gonna be all in Starbucks with the sexy voice "I would like the grande hot chocolate with cinnamon sprinkles and extra whip, matter of fact - I'll take one for the road"
HA!

Rob said...

So what you're saying is that it was a bad idea for me to stand in the middle of girlie's living room, clap my hands together and say "Is tonight the night?" Yeah, she didn't appreciate it either. I might have bounced down the last stair outside a little.
But it did let her know I was ready the (nano)second she was ready. I waited because I wanted it and didn't want anyone else to have it. And the cocoa was good. Still is. Amen.

keishabrown said...

LMAO.
its true esp at the extra whip.
*sigh.
must. stop.

Rob said...

Dude...
SMH

OneChele said...

BTW - happy birthday!

Carey Jackson said...

Okay? I was just thinking - extra hot?

Carey Jackson said...

Let me put on my church hat and pearls and stand right here.

keishabrown said...

i still need to know what the cinnamon sprinkles are..
i add chocolate shavings to my chocolat chaud

Carey Jackson said...

First of all, you have jacked up Swiss Miss for everybody. Nobody's going to want that powdered just add water mess after these discussions - LOL!
I think more women would get like Chele. When a man threatens to walk over some shiggity, know that you are better than that and point towards the door.

Carey Jackson said...

Mais oui!

cocoaeyecandy said...

Thanks Chele - damn Facebook.:-)

Reggie said...

In that case, I'll have a tall hot chocolate with no whipped cream please!!!

diamond life said...

LOL at Swiss Miss!

diamond life said...

Hot mess Rob. You knew you were wrong!

diamond life said...

Spoken like a man who isn't getting any.

diamond life said...

Seriously, y'all got me feeling some kinda way with simmering, stirring, melting of the cocoa. And cinnamon sprinkles - c'mon son. Ev'body loves cinnamon. You must share the "recipe"

diamond life said...

GIRL!!! You ain't said nuttin' but a word right here!

mojitochica said...

OneChele we need a Dislike button!

CaliGirlED said...

And the doors of the church are now open.

CaliGirlED said...

SMDH!!! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Riley will take it! LOL (smooches)

keishabrown said...

you are my heroine!
honestly, nothing more needs to be said after you wrote this:
Remember last week when we got into some swirl in the comments because men don't like the idea of attaching a schedule to a ring? Take all that indignant outrage that the men showed for a ring countdown and apply it the cocoa analogy. Time leading up to the cocoa is not wasted.

i am so tired (so tired, so tired) of people not practicing what they preach. if you dont like it done to you, why are you doing it to other people??????? (being put on a clock)

falling for this is why blk women are contracting deadly diseases.
ugh. this is from a dude who is post is until i get married?
so you get to give up on a chick if she doesnt chex you after 4 weeks? how is she ever going to get to wife status?? (esp since soooo many dudes believe that she's not worth wifing is she does give it up too soon).
ugh.
my stomach hurts. i need some tea. and grilled cheesus.

rozb said...

Women have a biological clock and men have a hot chocolate clock? What happens to daylight savings time or time zone issue? Is the chocolate worth crossing time zones for? What is he trying to stir the chocolate with?

Now I'm thirsty...

rozb said...

Only if he has the voice of the Old Spice Guy.

Foxy Brown said...

*inhale* *exhale*

now, i'm chasing the same thing homeboy is chasing. trust and believe, if the woman is too quick to give up the cocoa, i'm going to be wondering what's wrong with it. i want to work for it and earn it. there is treasure between a woman's thighs. not only is the secret to life hidden between a woman's thighs, so is the path to life. i know how good my cocoa is and i want to make sure what i'm getting is as good as what i already have.

my advice to folk who think like this dude: find a nice piece of chocolate, learn it, know it, spend time with it. when the time is right, slowly increase the temperature, add the right ingredients, heat some more, close your eyes, inhale its aroma, and take a sip. (don't worry if you get whipped cream on your nose, that's how you know you doing it right *wink*)

MeetCharlieL said...

So in the middle of reading this, new girl (very cute) at work comes in and says, "I brought hot chocolate just for you, did you want some?" My mouth falls open and I'm all speechless until I realized she meant the regular old beverage. Dammit BougieLand.

Queen of Me said...

Ow! Get it Foxy!

Queen of Me said...

Well, as my avatar states... I am the Queen of Me. Not you, not your stopwatch, not whatever is eager to leap out of your pants. Me. Like it, love it, or leave it alone.

GrownAzzMan said...

When I read this post this morning I knew it would generate huge response numbers. Just curious Chele, what is the most comments any post ever generated?

GrownAzzMan said...

LOL. Glad I was settled pre-twitter. I come from the grown azz days when we didn't kiss and tell.

GrownAzzMan said...

Dug.

GrownAzzMan said...

Slightly off-topic (ok hella off-topic...LOL) Why do I already feel like the two robbin' brothas are about to take a fall while the hiccup girl gets a free pass? IJS

GrownAzzMan said...

That would be 1-310....LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

This.Right.Here!

William Martin said...

It's all in the communication. Clearly I want to drink of the cocoa goodness, generally the woman wants me to do so as well. So it's not that we're not on the same page as far as the desires go. Her job is not to play games about it, not attach a dollar figure to it and not to pre-set the timetable by saying "I need 90 days". My job is get to know her and make myself so damn irresistible that she completely forgets that 90 day thing.

But we have to communicate from both sides of the game. If I'm feel we're moving too slow and she feels we're moving too fast, we have to talk about it. And during this period, our time is best spent getting to know whether we even want to take that next step. Because as you said, Chele usually once the genie is out of the bottle...

GrownAzzMan said...

CTFU at the 'laying on of hands'!

GrownAzzMan said...

Tweet at me...LOL

GammasWorld said...

I gots nothing other than it's going to be hard not to laugh when my granddaughter asks me to fix her some hot chocolate.

GrownAzzMan said...

Women always say the want honesty. This is real as it gets!

rozb said...

This is funny!

rozb said...

70 year old dude pressuring for cocoa? :X *URP!* He must have his Cialis supplier on speed dial using his Jitterbug phone. Ick.

...And the horny old age deacon part - Priceless!

CaliGirlED said...

Not the Jitterbug! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Girl you are too funny!

CaliGirlED said...

Alrighty then!

CaliGirlED said...

*DEAD*

My daughter just came and asked me if was okay. LMAO

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I'm sorry. The sexploitation countdown, the whining about holding the hot chocolate "hostage" ( a sentiment I've heard MANY men express), the complaints about waiting are all symptoms of the disease of the patriarchy. Possession of a penis does not grant you access to my body just because your junk got happy. And, attraction does not equal admittance to the secret garden. My body is my body. If you disagree, then you believe that people - not just men - have a right to do what they wan to someone else's body just because they find that person attractive. If that's the case, then I will require every man I think is cute to get a reversible vasectomy, because they need not put me at risk for unintended pregnancy. It's that serious, and men need to stop making sex so trivial when it can 1. kill you, 2. mar you for life, and 3. result in another life being brought in this world.

So many dudes want, no DEMAND and EXPECT access to women's bodies. I can't stand when they pull this crap. I need to feel comfortable. I need to get some test results on you (and no, your word doesnt count). Simply, I need to know you before I know you (biblically).

If a dude comes out of his mouth with this, it just lets me know he is immature, selfish, and not ready for what I'm looking for. Like you said, if he can get it from somewhere else, then Go. Get. It.

Mykeia said...

Co-sign, co-sign, co-sign!

Go Mac Go said...

First Time Poster, Long Time Reader.

I think the point of contention for men and women is the investment, more so the "return" on investment.

From a male POV, I can understand a dude wanting to get something out of a situation if he's putting something into it, and its not always about sex. It could be something to the effect of I'm taking you out for dinner, you leave the tip. (that's a new one there, lol) I open the car door for you, you reach on the other side and open my door. (A Bronx Tale). I think people want to know in general that there's reciprocity (Lauryn Hill) if I'm involved with you.

The same thing for a woman, more so from my understanding, most women will not sleep with you unless she REALLY likes you, and there are always exceptions. If she decides to give it up, it's an understanding that there's an underlying expectation of some sort of commitment. Men know this and some will take advantage of the situation. Women know this, and some will make a dude sweat.

They say the game is not for the faint of heart, sure enough it will chew you up and spit you out. Is someone really worth the wait if you gotta keep on waiting, just to know your going to still wait?

Mykeia said...

I am in class, this messed me up! All I could do is cover my mouth laughing, the tears are giving me away! Ahhh, the metaphors...

OneChele said...

The proverbs 31 post had close to 200 comments. But the Essence "stop telling me how to date" rant between that site and this one had over 700 comments. My most popular posts are on the sidebar listed as "Popular Bouge"

Paul on Ice said...

There is so much going on with this post and these comments that all I can say is - Wow. Let me start reading.

Paul on Ice said...

Word.

BrendaKay said...

Michael, you are soooo wrong for this. ROTFLMBO!!!

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

*standing ovation*

thinklikeRiley said...

Point blank say - I just want to smash.
Or point blank say - We cool but a brother needs to smash
Girlie's either in or out
In = good
Out = fade to black
You step out and think you mighta effed up - go back.
Done.

The Real Curvy Jones said...

I'm a PK- Preacher's Kid. People seem SHOCKED when I tell them that church boys are not any different from boys you meet elsewhere. They want to hit, too. They just don't want you to say anything, act angelic, sing in the choir and look cute in your usher uniform.

You know, until the baby bump gets too big for that and then, "Sister, please have a seat. In the back. God bless ya."

The Real Curvy Jones said...

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth at first guy.

Second guy is funny. Recently had one of those except after the first date he called and said, "so you know that whole kissing on the first date thing? I was being respectful. I'm just gonna let you know, the next time I see you, I'm going for it." Me: "I won't stop you."

donell said...

::blink. blink.::

im always amazed by how much of ms. maya covers soooooooooo much of these dating convos: 'when someone shows you who they are - believe them.' if you - are merely looking to engage in adult reindeer games - take (or dont) the proper precautions and go crazy...let your hair down. (@allhoney - the cust svc line for dial-a-d**k is *always* open, and there's *never* a wait!)

however - if you are looking for a long-term / marital sichation - *any* mention of countdowns and hour glasses *clearly* eliminates this person from your pool of applications...tell them to kick rocks and move around. there is *absolutely nothing* else to discuss, negotiate, or try to understand.

michaeldavis said...

a major violation of the terms and conditions

The Real Curvy Jones said...

THIS! THIS THIS THIS! Dude, do you KNOW me? I could be a serial killer! You don't know me, I don't know you and you wanna be all up and through me... naw, son. Slow your roll. I'm worth it, I promise

The Real Curvy Jones said...

Need to know if he has utilities in her name.



What?

michaeldavis said...

the now-serving reference was hilarious

http://www.allendesigners.com/images/catalog/TAKE-A-NUMBER-LG.jpg

Sarah said...

Reading discussions like this one make me feel old and serious. I can't quite figure out how to tread the line between minding my own ps and qs and saying what I believe to be true. So with that in mind, I'll just go ahead and say what I think. The soul needs the nourishment of love like the body needs the nourishment of food. Real love given and received makes you and your partner strong and it gives you a solid place to stand while taking on the battles that make up life. When we are young, we mostly don't realize how difficult those battles of life are going to be. Energy gets spent in places and ways that leave us depleted and unprepared to face the truly hard battles.
It all seems like fun and games until it isn't and we aren't ready because we haven't be building the foundations and shoring up the resources. The business of the when, where, what, and how of the hot chocolate is a distraction. Anyway, like I said this is me being old no offense meant to anybody.

MariSol said...

Right? Like how's that pillar of the church thing working out?
72 and still running game?

BrendaKay said...

OneChele, I was so busy trying not to LOL at him, that I just rushed to end the call. I've learned not to ignore those "horn blowing, red lights flashing" clues from Heaven that tell me danger is ahead, bail out now! :-)

keishabrown said...

eff dat!
im axin!! (yes. axin).
*waits patiently with pen/paper.

Suebhoney1125 said...

CHURCH!!!

keishabrown said...

ha!
if its not that serious..then why do you want it so bad?
why all the psychological warfare to get it?
why put up with the crazy chick (literally) because it's so good?
ref: http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/6-signs-you%E2%80%99re-dating-a-crazy-bastard/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=6-signs-you%25e2%2580%2599re-dating-a-crazy-bastard


serious consequences to the the secret life hidden between our thighs
feelings
babies
diseases
death.

so..rewind and come again freeblackman.
thanks,
management.

CaliGirlED said...

"...underlying expectations..." always leave the door open for misunderstandings. That's why communication is the key. Neither the man or the woman should be assuming that after the hot chocolate has been served that there is an automatic commitment. That has to be STATED, not assumed!

tiffanyinhouston said...

This is the verbal equivalent of reckless endangerment. I know all too many great women who have been burned and or damaged by men who spit this nonsense to the point where their trust in the opposite sex is basically nil. I think the majority of us in Fair BougieLand are probably old enough and mature enough to see the fakery coming but there are a lot of women who aren't. This is designed for page hits and boisterous commentary. Remember that internet "noise" I was referring to last week. Make sure you filter this one into your mental trash.

CaliGirlED said...

Recently told a guy that sex wasn't even on the table, since the context of his text was so sexual (Musiq), he called once after that, I didn't answer, he didn't bother to try again. Good riddens!

CaliGirlED said...

Hey sometimes the connection is just strong like that! But like that post Chele did not too long ago, at some point you have to put your clothes on, then what? (paraphrasing). Glad you guys took time to figure out the awesome sex wasn't all there was. Some people aren't so lucky. Much happiness to you both!

michaeldavis said...

we don't buy dinner just for the sake of buying dinner, at least I don't. I wouldn't take anyone out I wouldn't want to get to know. It's bigger than the paper. And since dey got dey own cash, feel free to leave that 20% tip :)

michaeldavis said...

was it something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-xKaax-beE

CaliGirlED said...

Come on Chele you were throwing out those bible verses last week, you can't find this one? LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Not shocked at all. Could have very well been a minister or the pastor. There are some demons in the church and unfortunately they give a horrible rep to those who are really trying to lead God's people. SMDH, but not at all surprised.

CaliGirlED said...

"What can you make me feel so that I want to put on the good underwear and stilettos and make all your porn dreams come true?"...So dinner and a movie ain't enough for you huh? LOL

All Honey said...

This is why things are all wic-wackity right now. Used to be girl controlled the dispensing of the cocoa, girls controlled the dispensing of the cash. Girl got dey own damn cash now. (Yea, I said dey) So we don't need you to buy us dinner and a glass of wine. We got that.

What can you make me feel so that I want to put on the good underwear and stilettos and make all your porn dreams come true?

This means a brother has to step game up. You can't just flash a platinum card at every woman and the Vicki's come flying off.

CaliGirlED said...

I am now ready to give. It's offering time! Let the church say AMEN!

CaliGirlED said...

"if its not that serious..then why do you want it so bad?" Nuff said!

blackprofessor said...

That is some junior high school, playing in the sandbox game. I bet dude is single because his game is whack!

Fellas, the type of game that swindles is when you play it cool! You get to know a woman, treat her like a lady, express an interest in getting to know her and how she ticks while NOT pressing her for sex! The more you do that, the more she is going to want you because you have communicated that you understand other things are MORE important than sex. And by the time you get to the hot chocolate, it will feel like a natural progression and the relationship will be enhanced!

Angela Deruise Roby said...

:::insert graphic smartass reply here:::

Im tempted to but just cant bring myself to give the response I want to give you W.Martin :)

Ms. Jay said...

there is definitely a special woman out there for Riley

thinklikeRiley said...

Believe dat! Imma send her to chat with Chele and Jayme - you know they can spot crazy a mile away

sunt97 said...

LOL, you had me at Chocolate!!!

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Hidi said...

Wow. Chele, I won't be able to look at hot chocolate the same again. LOL

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