Thursday, October 28, 2010

In this episode of Ask a Bougie Chick: What Should We Do?

It's dating advice for the grown-n-sexy set today. Okay, I'm sorry - I hate that phrase too. Let's move on.

[Cue game show musc...] On this episode of Ask a Bougie Chick, two gentlemen want our help planning evening out. Here's what they've got:

From the first gent, a 30-something professional in the Dallas Metroplex~

My question goes like this:
To the Bougie Nation: My request is simple; I need some different date ideas for "not the very first date" but not "you're my girl" dates. Please exclude the things I already know about: dinner, museums, concerts, parks, jazz clubs, cooking lessons, etc. 
Thanks in advance for all the suggestions. I do ask questions and listen but I try to change it up.

~DPG in Dallas

Dear DGP ~ You excluded quite a few good ideas there. You've also got me wondering at the nebulous zone between "not the first date" and "you're not my girl." Has there been cocoa? No cocoa? Do we want to get the cocoa? Do you want her to be your girl at some point? Is she bougie, regular, round the way? Hmm, without these answers I'll have to wing it. How about the "at home romance package"? You set a nice table, do candles, cooking, entire pamper vibe. It's a much better and upscale variation of movie and hot wings on my couch. You take that to the next level.

Or what about a wine-tasting? Have you been to Chocolate Secrets in Dallas? They do chocolate and wine pairings. Delicious and romantic. That's all I've got. Good luck!
~OneChele

Our next comes from an older married gent in the ATL~

Chele, Hello. I've been married to the same woman for 17 years. It's a blessing. We are still in love and enjoy each other's company. She has stated that we are "getting stale" and demanded that we have a "date night" twice a month to "freshen things up". She said this is "non-negotiable". When I asked her what she meant, she said, "Figure it out."
Chele, I got married so I wouldn't have to date. But I'm going to do what I gotta do to keep her. Any suggestions besides a dinner out? Not to overshare but do you think she's talking about the "entire" date night experience?

Thanks for anything you got for me.
~OldSchool in ATL


Dear OldSchool ~ Yes sir, she wants the whole experience from candlelight to "cocoa". Might as well get your mind right now. I would start traditional for the first date. She is asking to be wooed all over again. I know you had to do all of this years ago but dude, it's cheaper to keep her.

Is she a flower or candy woman? Wouldn't hurt to kick off the evening with a little "Love you baby" gift.  Dinner (at a nice restaurant), dancing (or a jazz lounge), and then handle your business when you get back home. I'm not trying to be all up in your business but um, lookie here: rest, vitamins, hydrate and stretch. The Mrs. ain't playing. Good luck!
~OneChele


BougieLand, what advice do you have for DPG and OldSchool? Be creative and truthful, they are looking for our assistance ;-) 

90 comments:

313skater said...

DPG ~ i suggest a picnic....not sure what your weather is like right now (i'm in detroit), but i think that would be a nice not the first date / not my girl date....if you've had conversations about what foods she likes that's what you fill the basket with. oh get a real picnic basket if you can find one....by the way if the weather sucks like here in michigan a picnic in the living room is just as nice....

oldschool ~ 17 years was a long time ago, but not really....think back to your first date and make it happen all over again....

i'm a rose colored glasses helpless romantic kinda gal what can i say....good luck with whatever you choose to do.....

glamah@cococooks said...

It all comes down to "the cocoa".

tiffanyinhouston said...

For old school in the ATL - he needs to be doing all the things that Dallas dude doesn't want to do. I'd suggest a cooking class together. It's very hands on, you get to eat what you make and you can take it back to the crib and have more "taste tests". Get it boy!

CaliGirlED said...

DPG..."Has there been cocoa? No cocoa? Do we want to get the cocoa? Do you want her to be your girl at some point? Is she bougie, regular, round the way?"...I think answering these questions will really help get better suggestions for you. If you want her to be your girl, this is great, but if you don't want her to be your girl, all this can be misleading. IJS

Old school, I'm with Skater, below. For starters, recreate that first date, or one that you both still remember. That will "Wow" her. And she's probably not looking for bells and whistles on every date, but knowing that you took the time and effort to stir things up. So sometimes give her just cocoa, and other times cocoa with whipped cream, cinnamon, shaved chocolate, the works!

JaymeC said...

To DPG - truth of the matter is most women don't want some super original out of the box experience. The key is doing the same old, same old BETTER than anyone else before. There's not a woman alive who isn't wowed and wooed by the homecooked meal that shows care and interest. Her favorite dish, her favorite flowers on the table, her favorite music playing, her favorite dessert. Keep the conversation and charm flowing (wine doesn't hurt either) and she is blown away. Trying to come up with some sort of skydiving extravaganza this early in (unless she's a skydiving enthusiast) just makes it look like you're doing too much.

As for OldSchool, you already know what to do. You just want us to tell you to do it. Get to it!

Mhammo4920 said...

Old School, there many options depending on your openess, you can do a couples cooking class at Williams Sonoma, Phipps Plaza. How about a picking up meals to go ie; Alons Perimeter, and whisking her away for a cabin Mountain getaway, Hiawesse is only 90 min drive from metro Atlanta. How about Jazz & Sushi, thats a interesting combo @ MF sushibar Buckhead in the MF Room...there are so many options it depends on your taste!

Jeannette said...

DPG in Dallas. Has he ever been to Grapevine? They are a bunch of wineries in Grapevine and you can taste the different wines and even catch something quick to eat out there...That date should last no more than 4-5 hours. What about a dance class? The driving range?

sugahoneyicedtea said...

For DP..how about something fun like miniature golf, laser tag, bowling, and here's a stretch..volunteer somewhere..this way you get to check out their fun/compassionate side. For the Older G(ent)..roleplay like you don't know each other. When you're out and about, dress a lil differently then you would normally, run some errands, and pretend to "bump into" each other (i.e. at a store) offer to take her to dinner and proceed from there. Yes, I know my suggestions sound a lil out there, and they might not work, but at least you'll have fun talking. #ihaventhadcoffeeyet #crazybutbougie

Brneyed1 said...

DPG: First idea: Since it is Halloween, go to a costume party together. Don't tell each other what your costumes will be. Second idea: Paintball! I loved it, even though those little balls do sting a bit. Third idea: if there is some completely touristy place in Dallas that neither of you have even been to, go visit that place.

OldSchool: Go for something unexpected. Pack her bag for her, pick her up from work. Get a nice hotel room for a night and order room service. Handle all of the details so all she has to do is chill and enjoy. Second idea: in-home couples massage. Third idea: create a "spa oasis" for her in your home: candlelight, soft music, champagne, chocolate, a warm bath complete with sweet smelling bath salts and a bath pillow. Bring her a big fluffy robe and slippers. Rub her feet.

But since you're likely going to be doing this a while, you may want to have three or four "sure thing" ideas in your pocket, and rotate them. Sprinkle the more special ones in between.

MidWestDominicana said...

One way to help stimulate ideas (double meaning here) is to check out a list of the best romantic movies. They can range from lighthearted chick flicks to the steamier 9 1/2 weeks type of movie. There are several lists online that can help with suggestions or you can visit a local video store (I'm not talking about the adult variety, either).
Often times you can make life imitate art by getting a little inspiration from films.
Speaking of films, one of my fave things to do on date night is to go to our local Indie Movie Theatre and watch foreign or silent/black and white films. It's so out of the norm and sometimes not understanding the language is more romantic than your standard Kathryn Heigle fare (blech).
I'll make this my last one for this post because I'm full of ideas...a friend of my hubby's created a scavenger hunt that took his wife around the city finding clues and small gifts to keep her going. It lasted an entire day but was built around her schedule (they're both dr's). She collected her favorite things (chocolates, purfume, a sexy nighty for later, dinner at the place they had their first date, etc.) It took some planning and collaboration with a few of his friends, but she still talks about that date years later.
Good luck to both of you.

P.S. What's up with the "cocoa" vibe this week?!!

Brneyed1 said...

Love the scavenger hunt idea!!

MidWestDominicana said...

Thanks! I have more ideas, but didn't want to overpost. Ha ha. Old School should watch that Old Spice commercial with Isaiah Mustafa talking about "tickets to that thing you love". Full of suggestions!

Carey Jackson said...

For either gent, what about a dance class? Latin or swing? For DPG, it gives you a way to get your hands on her and gives her a chance to see you move. For OS, when was the last time you went dancing? Might re-heat the cocoa the right way?

blackprofessor said...

My, there seems to be a lot of "cocoa" this week!

DPG - There are a lot of good ideas listed below. The best advice I can give you is to be creative and you don't have to spend a lot of money. My best "first" dates were free but absolutely fabulous! The first one occurred on a breezy, moonlit night. My date (who later became my boyfriend) took me for a walk at 2 AM, and we walked, talked and chilled. It was simple, romantic, refreshing and intimate all rolled up into one experience! The second one occurred when this gentleman took me to a park at midnight to play. We had a ball and it was also simple, romantic and intimate. Keep it simple, be creative and you can't lose!

Old School - There are some great ideas listed below but I will give one - a romantic getaway weekend. Does she like the theater? Plan a trip to NYC to catch a Broadway show. Does she like wine? Plan a trip to Napa Valley to tour a vineyard.

Ms_Toni said...

DPG--Just because you know of all those suggestions doesn't mean she doesn't know of them. Heck, I've been to a bunch of movies but there's a person that will take me to see one and I have a wonderful time because of him. I think the main thing would be to learn the woman and do things according to mutual interests, whether it's been done before or not.

OldSchool--I don't know if anyone said this but you got married so you wouldn't have to date? No sir. The marriage doesn't mean the end of the courtship. Date night twice a month is light weight, IMO. Women always crave the courtship process, whether we're dating or been married for years. Have fun!

Man's World said...

Two words - Day Trip. There's always something interesting within driving distance where you can get there, sight see, have a meal and head home. Gives you togetherness time in the car (a CD of her favorite songs doesn't hurt) and a great day to remember.

OneChele said...

There was no cocoa yesterday, y'all just obsessed with the chocolate. ;-)

All Honey said...

Ooowweee - spicy!

All Honey said...

Not sure how far DPG wants to push it but Spa Date! Would be great for Old School too. Nothing says let's stir the cocoa like a couples massage and sauna. Tack on a pedicure and it's on! :-)

William Martin said...

Not wanting to oversimplify but find out what your woman loves (by asking "What's your favorite thing in the entire world?) and give it to her. If she loves clothes, take her to a fashion show. If she loves flowers, take her to the botanical gardens. If she loves sports, take her to a game. And then find ways to incorporate the "theme" of what she loves into as many things as possible.

Of course this can backfire, I did this once and girlie answered "diamonds" uh... we can play cards? She wasn't amused.

William Martin said...

*whispers* You brought it up.

Brandon St. Randy said...

Play pool. It does everything you want a date to do. It's relatively cheap. You get to teach her something. She gets the adrenaline rush of success when she sinks that first ball. You get to exhibit your patience and encouragement skills. Lots of touchy feeliness when you guide her stroke.

Enjoy

Sweet N Tart said...

Well color me confused DPG - what's wrong with dinner, museums, concerts, parks, jazz clubs, cooking lessons? Find a way to make it fresh and it works. Personally, I'm a sucker for dinner and a lounge. Especially if it's a restaurant I don't know about and a jazz spot I haven't discovered. I'm instantly impressed that he took the time to move beyond Chili's and the Cineplex.

As for OldSchool - How cute is that? I think it's sweet that y'all are rekindling the flame. She's been with you for 17 years, she's not expecting backflips and chandelier-swinging. Just plan a "nice evening" and I'll bet she'll be giddy.

Good luck to you both.

Sweet N Tart said...

Just catching up on the blog - Hot Cocoa/Chocolate = intimate thangs you don't want to spell out? What if it's vanilla or swirl flavored? What if I'm actually referring to the beverage?
LMAO!

MeetCharlieL said...

Recently took a lovely female to an art instruction class. Neither one of us could paint worth a damn but we had a blast. They gave us a take home assignment with body paint - I won't divulge the details but er uh - I'm going to keep those paints.

sugahoneyicedtea said...

Spice is nice ;-) the good thing about being a crazy, but bougie, chick is that I have plenty of spice..now finding someone worthy enough to share my spice is a whole 'nother ballgame..

CallmePapi said...

Yes, yes! Salsa class can be muy caliente :)

OneChele said...

Ha! I believe I will let you work out all those nuances for yourself.

ThatGuy said...

I don't like to break out a whole lot of razzle dazzle early. I want to woman to be into me. Once I'm sure she is, then I break out all the creative cuisine, crafts, cocoa and whatnot.

CaliGirlED said...

Girl a couple package at a nice spa is the best! Enjoyed it!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"uh... we can play cards?" LOL

thinklikeRiley said...

All this hearts and flowers ish? Naw son. Date night =
1. Naked Twister
2. Bathtub Jello
3. Sofa Massage
4. Hot Tub Aerobics
5. Hershey's Syrup & Saran Wrap

THAT's creative and classy. What? I said Saran Wrap - keep ev'thang neat and ish. Chocolate is romantic, right? What say romance like a bathtub full of pudding? Don't hate cuz ya ain't thought it first.

cocoaeyecandy said...

Oh Riley...

cocoaeyecandy said...

I would love that! But you know ninjas don't like to dance these days... not vertically anyway.

Sarah said...

After I read this post early in the morning, I was thinking about the dates I remember the best. The ones that stand out and still give me warm fuzzies after all these years are the unscripted ones. It isn't so much what you do as how you do it and I'm not talking about the hot chocolate. I'm talking about the connection and the buzz in the air that maybe this is the guy who gets it, who is really overjoyed just to be in my company, etc. etc. And why did I feel that way? It was the attention. It is when somebody is really paying attention to you not because they have to but because they want to.

MochaDudeSpeaks said...

To OldSchool - Mrs. Mocha (BB) and I have been married for close to twenty years and we have kept date night once a week every week for every one of those years. Even if we didn't feel like going out, we called the babysitter and locked the bedroom door for alone time. We do enjoy meeting in hotels for a meal and then heading upstairs to do what grown folks do. And that's quite enough sharing.

To DPG - Stick with the basics, they impress the most.

OneChele said...

This is it RIGHT. HERE. My best dates ever have been about that vibe. You can't plan it or manufacture it and it doesn't really matter where you are. Where all the sparks are crackling and the air is buzzing back and forth. That vibe where you can't wait to hear what the person says next and you never want the night to end? Le Deep Sigh.

rochjeff said...

Both of these gentlemen should pay attention to these women's personalities. No one can give you better guidance than the women you are dating. What do they enjoy? Are they the outdoorsy type? Are they athletic? Are they into the arts? A homebody? Figure out what they enjoy and show them that you are paying attention to their interests.

Artsy type: Go to a pottery making class or shop and make something. Go to an art class and paint something. Go to a poetry event.

Outdoorsy/athletic type: Plan a hike and a picnic. Take a boat ride. (I've taken my date kayaking) I love a sports complex. You can do go-cart racing, miniature golf, laser tag. All fun and quirky things you can do that are memorable.

The point is, figure out what she likes and cater to her interests.

And 17 years guy, take her on a weekend getaway for starters...
Surprise after work with flowers and a limo to pick up her up. Pack her clothes in a suitcase beforehand Whisk her off to a nice weekend vacation. Use your imagination and mix it up with your standard fare (dinner, movies, museums) and some memorable experiences to keep the spark going.

My personal rule is to never get too comfortable. Do the basics, but never fail to razzle and dazzle.

Grace said...

My question is - WHERE ARE ALL THESE CREATIVE GOOD MEN WHEN I'M TRYING TO DATE?!!
All I get are these dinner and a movie and I should be grateful for it men.
Last brother was 20 minutes late, rolled up to a drive thru window and said "What do you want?"
My answer "To go home" First date drive thru? I'm 34 years old! I had on heels and a silk dress! Does that equal Taco Bell?
Woo-sah. Small rant. I'm better now.

Grace said...

So my answer by the way is just don't do this^^^

Mr. Skyywalker said...

How many packets of Jello do you need for the bathtub? Just curious. o__O

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I'm going to try this one with the future Mrs. Skyy. Good looking out.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Ouch!

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Keep 'em coming, good stuff.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Seriously Jayme - we need a rate sheet.

Sasha said...

OneChele,
Your responses were so good and hilarious at the same time!!! I love reading your blog daily. Sorry people that I didn't answer the question.

Dr. Peppa said...

"Not vertically anyway" <~~ *DEAD*

rochjeff said...

OMG...someone actually took you to a drive-thru...A LOT OF MEN lack imagination. Period.

OneChele said...

LOL - You're forgiven!

rochjeff said...

Good chemistry trumps creativity any day.

Troy said...

---> "but um, lookie here: rest, vitamins, hydrate and stretch" This is real! (Hilarious too!)

MidWestDominicana said...

Si,si!! Bailando!

Troy said...

Yessir. You can't buy chemistry and it is invaluable!

Aisha said...

i was thinking the same thing. what i consider an awesome date isn't the same thing, one of my most memorable dates was: i got picked up we drove for like two hours, when we got where we were going we got into a hot air balloon and had an awesome ride for like an hour, then we got set down went to the casino where we were treated to some of my favorite french foods, then a concert, and of course the casino the rest of the nite, loved every second of it, because it was like five dates in one night. So listen to her and see what she likes and you can create the perfect experience.

Aisha said...

LMAO nice Riley

Deb B said...

Cuz life is too short to sprinkle spices all over the place ;-)

Deb B said...

In so many ways, yes.

Deb B said...

A date? What is that? So hard to recall...

Steve said...

I don't know whether to dive in or take notes. I'll just take notes, carry on.

Pure Choco said...

Get it Mocha!

Pure Choco said...

You're such a writer ;-)

Pure Choco said...

Where did you say you lived again and it's Dr. Martin, is it not? LOL!

CorettaJG said...

Good stuff here. I've had a great time salsa dancing, at Alvin Ailey performances (they tend to mix in some hot little numbers before they get to "Revelations"), working a service project, cooking together -- but mostly when we're vibing with the chemistry that Sarah described. "It isn't so much what you do as how you do it . . . when somebody is really paying attention to you not because they have to but because they want to." Yes please.

Rob said...

Last time I was in the Dallas Area, we stayed out in Las Colinas. Took a water taxi ride over to a great Italian place and then strolled the canal. Romance wins, son!

As for OldSchool, you know your lady. Give her what she wants.

Pure Choco said...

I think someone said it below but it's fun to play tourist in your own town. A walking tour or tour of homes in an area you don't frequent. That wine/chocolate thing Chele mention sounds like a winner.
Is the fair still there, that's always huge in Dallas.
Also, I know you said no cooking classes but is there a Whole Foods? They do a sushi class that is fun. Just check for allergies, don't be like Hitch - ha!

michaeldavis said...

Grace, we're out here. And a drive-through date is such a violation of all dating standards that I don't know where to begin.

Brandon St. Randy said...

Play pool. It does everything you want a date to do. It's relatively cheap. You get to teach her something. She gets the adrenaline rush of success when she sinks that first ball. You get to exhibit your patience and encouragement skills. Lots of touchy feeliness when you guide her stroke.

Enjoy

MariSol said...

Spent a month flirting and giggling with cute guy at the gym. Finally he asks me out. He comes by, picks me up, drives me back to his place. Wait, it gets worse. We walk in and he has two bags of groceries sitting on the bar. He sits his keys on the counter, points and says, "Tell me when dinner is ready." and goes to sit in front of his TV with the remote control. I picked up the keys, walked outside and drove myself home. Sent him a text telling him his car was sitting outside my apartment with the doors open and keys on the floorboard.

So I don't have suggestions for a great date, but this sure as hell wasn't one.

baileyqc said...

Oh hell no!

baileyqc said...

Nice!

Penny said...

Wow...there are no words.

Superwoman said...

scandalous....

Superwoman said...

i cannot believe this!!!! please tell me you joke!!!! i really love the way you handed him....bloody cockroach!

Evansaw said...

Great advice to OldSchool. Seventeen years, and he better be glad she is still asking him and not some other OldSchool dude. 'I got married so I wouldn't have to date". Get up off your lazy boy and let that woman know you love her, clueless! I definitely have to show this to the hubby, we just made 18 years and I think it is time for a little wake up call for the other half!

Evansaw said...

I am speechless...with laughter!

Scarlett D said...

::Disclaimer-I apologize, I didn't read the other comments, if this has already been said, pardon me::

To Old School, it would be super romantic (to me anyway) to recreate old dates from when you first started pitching woo. If you can remember them, go in order. If your first date was ice cream and roller skating, take her to a more grown up 2010 ice cream and roller skating. You don't have to do exactly what you did the first time, but let there be common themes...the thought that you put into it and remembering the "good, old days" would be enough for me to fall in love all over again.

And let it be a puzzle...see if she can figure out what you're doing...how you're picking what your dates are....give hints if she's clueless (although I bet she won't be).

And BONUS - you don't have to really think of much new, just do what you did 18 years ago basically...it worked once :-)

Good luck.

sugahoneyicedtea said...

@ deb b *in my madea voice* halleluyer

diamond life said...

great idea!

diamond life said...

That ain't right girl, that ain't right.

diamond life said...

I wanted to laugh then realized, oh me too.

diamond life said...

Okay, so I'm the only one thinking "guide her stroke" is code?

maureen palmer said...

*Pop popcorns & takes front seat* If you have been single as long I have, date ideas are very rusty... sorry TMI.

GammasWorld said...

Interesting comments from the Bougie Faithful today. Wonder how long DPG has been dating if he's ruled out so many great options? I gots nothing ... one of my favorite dates was a water gun fight and that's all Imma say about that.

OldSchool you know your wife ... nobody can tell you what to do for your woman ... but you'd better get to gettin ... she's letting you know she needs some wooing. Only thing I disagree with her on is "you" figure it out -- y'all in this marriage together. She should suggest some things she wants to do as well. Don't discount dinner out (at a new restaurant) but do go all out in asking her to go :). You're in the ATL ... I'll bet you can find 10 new options with a 5-minute Google search. Since y'all have been together so long, recreate some of the things you did to woo her in the first place.

GammasWorld said...

Pass the bowl. I commented above but that's more remembering what it was and projecting what I would like LOL.

MelaninEnriched said...

Sorry I'm tardy to the party, but I wasn't able to get here on time today. Haven't read all the comments, but here are my suggestions:

For DPG: Here in Atlanta, we have Cocktails and Canvas where you go, BYOB/snacks, and you paint the featured picture for that night. I went out with my friends and it was SOO much fun. It was mostly women there, but I saw a couple there and they seemed to be having fun. It allows interaction, creativity, and no pressure; take dance lessons; definitely a picnic (already mentioned), go to a sports event (always fun)

For Old School in Atlanta: Get on Atlantix and go see a show for cheaper than regular price. Try a new restaurant, take dance lessons, picnic, organize a scavenger hunt in the house and have a gift for her and a gift for you (to enjoy); get a couples' massage; cook dinner for her or have someone come into your home and cook dinner for the both of you; there's a deal at Lake Lanier for a four-hour boat rental for now through 31st and in April

mojitochica said...

WTF?!?!? I'da taken the groceries...

MelaninEnriched said...

"diamonds" uh... we can play cards?

*D.E.A.D.*

donell said...

@marisol - i. dont. know. WHY. you and @onechele be making up these lies on brothas. quit it!

CaliGirlED said...

I just don't know what to say! But I know you got his ass good!!! You must tell us what, if anything, he said after that one!

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