Those were the last words hissed at me after an evening where a college girlfriend, a church member, an ex-fiancé, Dude Formerly Known as New and I all ended up in the same lounge/restaurant in Addison, Texas at the same time. College girlfriend invited me, I invited church member (Jayme). The two men came (separately) looking for me since I quit returning their phone calls and these are the type of guys who want to have the last word.
The "exfi"(ex-fiancé) got there first as I was attempting to salsa with some dude from Brazil. I couldn't understand a word Brazilian Dude said but he bought the first bottle of wine and was a great dancer. Formerly New showed up when I was talking with the band and college girlfriend was dirty dancing with two Euros.
Since I'm forbidden to blog about what actually happened, all I can do is give you my conclusions:
1. I need to quit going to that same spot. Seriously, if that is the first place that two different men I used to date thought to look for me - I need to change my game up.
2. I was amazed (but not amused) by some of the glaring similarities between the two men. Apparently that club is not the only comfortable habit I need to break.
3. Jayme's bump 'n grind game after four glasses of wine is proper. She forbade me to post the pictures but I'm keeping them in a safe... cause you never know when pictures of a 49 year old size 6 former cheerleader executing a perfect high kick in five inch boots will come in handy.
4. When one ex tells another "The best way to handle Michele is..." and then follows with something so offensive (but probably 80% true); stomping your foot and saying, "Stop talking!" doesn't work at all.
5. By the time the conversation has taken a turn when one guy starts talking about "getting his woman back" and the other guy asks, "Was she ever really yours to begin with?"... you really should just bail on the evening.
This evening takes the cake as the singular most uncomfortable "ex encounter" ever. So tell me BougieLand - what's your awkward "encounter with the ex" story... unless you're forbidden from sharing it. :-/
104 comments:
So Derrick wants you back and it has only been a week? Hmm. You experience last night seems like it could be in one of those 'ghost of Christmas' pasts movies where the hero/heroine gets to revisit his/her past. It doesn't seem like drama free is going to happen any time soon.
See. This is why I am a serial Monogamist who rarely ventures out alone. That level of Stupidity would drive me to violence.
Yup. I am clearly doing yall a favor.
You mean you don't bury your exes in the backyard? That was your biggest mistake.
I wanna know what happened with the men...sounds like an interesting story there.
When I was in the Navy, our ship went to Nigeria. I was seeing one of the guys on the boat who was Nigerian, but broke that off when I found that he could be a very rude, craptastic A-hole. While I was on duty, the people on our ship who were from Nigeria got a chance to visit family and even bring them aboard. I had the watch, where I greeted those coming aboard the ship, escorted them, blah, blah, blah. He comes on with his family - father, mother, sisters, brother, and - wait for it - his fiancee of three years! Keep in mind he said he had not dated anyone since moving to the States and joining our military two years prior. There I am at the entry, with a huge Cheshire Cat smile on my face, and his eyes were as big as saucers! Not only that, I escorted his female guests to the bathroom and signed them all in, laughing and joking the whole time. When they left, I was still on duty, and got a chance to say farewell, while he barely spoke. Even after I addressed him specifically. And he had to be on the same ship with me for another two months.
Yes I clowned him. Well. He couldn't buy enough Clown insurance to hide from his embarrassment, especially when the other Nigerian guys were laughing at him. I wish I had Barnum and Bailey clown theme music to play for him...aahh those were the days.
So, I guess dating the second guy I've ever dated has its advantages. My only "ex" and I are great friends to this day...let's not count that he and I really only dated in high school (separate schools)and never "went there".
I don't have nearly the cache of great tales and anecdotes to share, but I sure do enjoy reading yours, Chele!
P.S. Hatin a little on your salsa fun with Brazilian guy...my hubby DOES NOT dance...AT ALL.
I meant to type "marrying"
My most uncomfortable "ex encounter" happened this past summer. I went for appetizers and drinks with my girls at a popular spot in Brooklyn. About half way through the evening I spotted an ex who btw is also Nigerian. Well I ended it with him because when asked about his take on safe sex and aids/hiv his response was "God wouldn't put someone in my life like that" and to top it off he became really clingy. So I broke it off with him and a few months go by I saw him at spot my girls and I were at with another woman. No biggie except the sight of him made me vomit and he and his friend kept glaring my way. I never in a million years thought I would see him again but I did and felt bad for the woman he was with. I hope she ask about his sexual habits, I wanted to run to her grab her hand and get her out of there as fast as I could.
No uncomfortable ex encounter stories here. When I was in NY I switched up my spots between the city and Long Island. Plus folks I knew liked to go to the more popular spots anyway.
How about going to a wedding with a friend I was dating and it turned out to be my ex-wife's ceremony? My date was the cousin of the groom. *AWKWARD* I didn't know she getting re-married (better him than me) and we were in the middle of an ugly custody battle. I left after the ceremony, no need to turn the reception into a Tyler Perry movie.
Wow - I definitely did not have such a visceral reaction, but know that you are better for letting this individual go! Say a prayer every day thanking the God of your choice that you are healthy and free.
All guys from African countries (and even the islands) aren't wide-open douches...
My ex came uninvited to my birthday party. Caused a huge scene, my brothers had to cart him out. My New Dude was sending me the "that's who you used to date?' look. Bad scene all the way around.
Wow girl - How's that Drama-Free Zen Zone thing going for you?
I make sure my relationships end on a good note so no Ex Files drama here.
See you should have swigged back the second bottle and looked at the bright side - threesome opportunity!
What?
I'll let myself out.
ROFLOL! I don't have any stories for this. Only you Chele.
Beyond one time where I dove head first into an elevator to avoid running into an ex? No, no drama here.
Is it just me or is Chele's life a reality show waiting to happen?
Give up the pics and no one has to get hurt.
I'll respect the "what happens at the jazz spot stays at the jazz spot" rule, I will share the best thing about the evening. (Hey, they didn't forbid ME!)
And that was me getting to sit face to face with Former New Dude and tell him what a complete and total idiot he's being. And once I finished lecturing he said "I realize this"
So he's not as stupid as I thought. But he was definitely out-testosteroned by the ExFi which may be the whole entire problem boiled down.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
Oh - and I want to know where the grey silk cargo pants came from - I need those in my life!
Oh Riley - I'll give you this... you stay true to yourself.
Hubs doesn't dance?! Criminal!
I'm leaning more towards romantic comedy!
*reading and nodding* Interesting, interesting.
I was with current boyfriend when his ex rolled up outta nowhere. She started peppering us with questions - how long have we been dating, where did we met, finally he just cut her off and said it was nice to see her again (it wasn't). But the whole thing was kinda weird.
Thank you for the high points Jayme. Grey silk cargo pants? Must obtain a pair - sounds too chic!
Whoa...
*side-eye* I'm a work in progress.
Ooo - ouch! Who ended up with custody (all up in your biz)?
Hmm, I'm sitting here thinking about what my life would be like if I married the second guy I ever dated... funny, that was my plan. Food for thought.
And now I have clown music stuck in my head - thanks for that.
WHO are these haters who forbid you to blog about this juicy encounter, and WHY are you listening to them??? Nx, they don't pay your electricity bill, please give the people what we want!!!! BLOG ABOUT THE DAMN INCIDENT!!! we wanna hear every hilarious, absurd detail!!
crikey!!!! this HAS to be the winning story!!
don't get any ideas, now...
So that's all we get? I feel so...cheated. I do agree with you. Time to find some new hang out spots!
one bonus: I ran into my ex a couple of months back and the woman I was with was smokin' hot. Ex was getting off the elevator and you know how people strut off when the door opens? Well Ex was at the front of the elevator and me & New-New were getting on. The door opened and to quote School Daze, when Ex saw us her face was cracked....and on the ground.
It's a great feeling, isn't it?
Oh my Lord have mercy!
Carolyn Edgar wrote a great post about running into an ex at the top of your game: http://carolynedgar.wordpress.com/2010/10/09/cowardly-lions/
I'm thinking Romantic Comedy!
Life longer son - drama awaits.
I have full custody so that tells you just how shady she was. For a father to win full custody in Cali?
Reading it...
It was a MichaelJordanFistPump moment....and me and New-New are no more, but I'll always thank her the assist on that 3-pointer
Uncomfortable ex story:
I heard that an ex's father passed away. As I had no hard feelings for him and still was crazy about his mom (sweet as pie, that woman) I stopped by Moms's house to pay my respects. Ex was there with several of his friends, his current girl,and his baby's momma (who was attempting the TapBack) when I walked in. Ex's BFF exclaimed "Damn Dude, you got all three of your highlight reels in one room and ain't no drama jumpin' off?!?! How can I be like you??!?!" This while Ex was giving me the "Hug that Says More than Just Hello." Current Girl and Baby Momma giving me the stink eye. Moms comes in, grabs me by the hand leading me out of the room. I'm thinking "Thanks Moms for the save", or at least I thought. Moms chimes in with, "I'm so glad to see YOU. I miss seeing YOU around here." Ex's BFF: "Damn. Harsh."
I chatted with Moms for a few more minutes, and I was outta there. Just tooo uncomfortable.
1. Yep
2. Yes
3. Work it!
4. Waste of time
5. Past time
Re DFKN: as Grandmama would say, "He may be woke up now, but he ain't learned nothing yet."...
Um it might be time for you to leave Dallas again... Sorry I have no relocation suggestions :o/
How about I was out at a friend's bachelor party (yes, at a strip club) and when the featured stripper came out it was my first girlfriend from back in junior high. Apparently, her life took a turn. I felt bad for her, she was clearly embarrassed to see me. When one of my boys called her over to the booth - I left. Way too weird to see her giving lap dances.
Just - wow!!
I've stayed friends with a lot of my ex's mothers - always makes for interesting encounters.
Mojitochica and I are coming in on a recon mission to put you into the Bougie Protection Program... In this program you will be given a new, but still bougie, identity, and you will be relocated. Unfortunately you may have to shut down the blog until such a time that you can safely resurface without be tracked by ex-boyfriends, ex-fi's, or any unknown stalkers. If you are interested in utilizing the Bougie protection network please contact us.
But seriously, all I can say is wow. Only you and no one could make this stuff up, and if they could I'd expect several books in a year.
wow that takes the cake and the pie
LOL - jail isn't bougie!
totally criminal...before we got married, my Dominican father asked me if I was sure..."you know he doesn't dance, right?" Lol.
Good for you setting Former New Dude straight. My question which I was trying to be a grown up and not ask was which ex-fiance: the one she met at 15, the one she met in the ice cream isle of the grocery store, or one as yet unmentioned. And why is it that I can remember Michele dating trivia when I can't seem to remember if I took my vitamins this morning ? :-)
I imagine last night's scene is going to end up in one of her books. Me thinks people should know better than to mess with a writer.
LOL - I'll take the BPP under consideration ;-)
*sigh* I too married the second man I ever dated. I met him soon after the final death knell in the coffin of my relationship with my first boyfriend who I just knew was The One. The ex-husband was the suave and spoiled fighter pilot with plenty of baggage (ex-wife, 2 kids by her and 1 by another woman), who had "turned his life around." I was the sassy JAG and preacher's kid who was in love. We were married in less than 6 months. Cue foreboding music and 4 years later we were no more.
My ex-boyfriend and I have remained friends. The ex-husband and I are amicable. However, his militant dissent into "African Spiritual Science" makes me not even want to deal with him to the extent necessary to send the kids' birthday gifts. Prior to our break-up his ex-wife knew how to bring the drama (especially before she finally got a boyfriend). Picking up the kids, sending them home with scrapbooks, email updates, gifts, comments by his mother, etc were all opportunities to bring out the foolishness. But the ex-woman and I got along great. Her agenda was simple - have a happy child.
You really, really, really cannot leave 4. and 5. just hanging out there. Honestly.
I also noticed amazing (not amusing) similarities in the 3 SOs of my past. I'm at a loss on how exactly one changes that. I mean you are attracted to them for a reason, and yet, that type may not be the winning combo. I made a conscious effort to go against type twice and it fizzled. But, since I'm not with the others who I think are my type, that might not be saying much.
damn girl sounds like that would be a whopper of a tale, maybe in like 2-3 years you can share, maybe that "forbidding" is like the military's 20 year rule?!?!?! Here's hoping
Running into THAT Ex when you are with a smokin hot woman...Priceless!
Also, why are these dudes looking for you and approaching in any way? Obviously, they committed so many violations. Leave your ex alone and keep it moving.
"the Ex-Fi which may be the whole entire problem boiled down". Not sure if we're talking bout the same but, if so, ummm hmmm. Just sayin ....
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. My hubby and I became great friends and then started dating, which I think was key. I'm a total sucker for funny, intelligent and nice (and sane) and how can you know that about a person really, unless you're friends first? Just my philosophy and personal opinion. Here's to giving hope to the guys in the "friend zone"....you can do it!
I'm not even readin the rest of the replies...you win the "ex encounter" sweepstakes.
I saw the most current ex (she was getting her Korean visa/etc renewed) so we met up to have lunch. I can say unequivocally that the first go-round I was p***yblinded. She was not that attractive in retrospect, but that didn't stop me from having flashbacks. I was tempted to see if she had 30-45 minutes free. Don't judge me!
Which is why my Cali girls won't be meeting my Texas girls - I don't need y'all comparing notes. Le Boo!
I ain't sayin' that's right...but I understand...LOL
Whole dessert tray
How about "hooking up" with a new chick when her ex-SO walks in the bedroom to pick up his stuff? Talk about awkward. Apparently, they had just broken up on Wednesday and this was Sunday afternoon.
When I got divorced my ex-sis-in-law took me to a club (this was way back when y'all) and had the DJ play Luther's "It's Over Now" when HER brother and his friend were spotted. Made me dance with the talk, chocolate, honey, that I had attracted. Looking back, I think that was the beginning of the divorce parties girlfriends give each other now.
Now for your story, DM me the details ... I won't tell nobody (wink wink)
Dayum! Shawty wasted no time getting to the rebound d***.
1. One of my (few) blog rules involves respecting when someone specifically asks me not to blog about something. And considering just how much of my business I DO put out here - it's not that big of a sacrifice.
2. There is no high kick in salsa. But the Jayme hustle had it's own rules.
3. I feel certain y'all will get past it.
Wow. That's deep.
One way to eliminate TapBack!
filler in details HIGHLY appreciated. feel free to share more!!!!!
HA! Joey Greco and the 'Cheaters' crew should have been there to capture the look on his face!!
*Dreaded tone of voice when you k-now you've messed up* "RILEY"!!
"Out-testosteroned"? Stealing it.
Macy*s!
Hmm, well this was supposed to be posted in reply to MidWestDominicana.
Girl! I went to a friend's house party with a brand new boy-toy and that heffa had invited THREE of my exes. Now that's just evil. And really, really, really uncomfortable. Not so much dealing with them but everybody watching to see what would happen, who would say what. Me and the "friend" had words because someone who really cares about you doesn't toss you in the deep end without a heads up.
No judgment at all. I have an ex who makes me second guess my morals if he's even in the same area code. I won't act on it but the temptation...
You ain't no fun. :(
Question: Is she still a friend? I think I see grounds for termination here.
**Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!! "And we have a winner!" Wooooowwww!!!
Damn son! Not the girlfriend is a stripper! I don't know what to do with that.
Thankfully I moved so I see none of them. Yea me!
I assume you're coming to the book launch in February? We'll talk...
My senior yr in high school, Thanks Giving, room full of family, new guy in the living room, ex at the door. I made the mistake of talking to my ex and telling him New guy was coming over for dinner so he decided to come over also. I told him I didn’t want him there but he showed up any way. My whole family sat there waiting to see what I would do. New guy made ex leave after he stood on my porch crying.
Why is it when I went to back to pick up my stuff 2 weeks after we broke up, this ninja put my good clothers in a plastic bag under his bathroom sink that was leaking. I was furious, but took the high road and grabbed my stuff and just rolled out. BTW my one picture was replaced with his mother's, I never did ask what happened to the picture.
New Dude did not take long to look for u wow!
Looking at them on the website now - and the sandals too!
First, I have several questions:
1. Why are we (meaning YOU) heeding to the edict of two EXes and not blogging all the good and juicy details? They are fully aware of the risk they take so if they would have thought about "what if she blogs about this?" in the first place, neither would have shown his face.
2. Where does the high kick come in a salsa dance? Just wondering....but gots to give ole girl her props for still having the skill!
3. Do you care that we (meaning your fans) are a bit upset that you didn't spill more beans? I want to know more about this EX-interaction of "how to handle Michelle", which clearly neither know anything about.
As far as exes, I have no drama but I live in a different city than they do. Even when I run into them, it is still pleasant, although it is my preference NOT to see them. I've been known to hide a time or two to avoid one of them, which can appear a bit dramatic, but that is only to avoid the drama that he would bring (wants of hugs, smiles, nice chit-chat which really means "git all up in my bidness") and I don't want to fake it. They are exes for a reason, which is short for "exit".
Clown insurance? LOL
Yeah that is hard to do in Cali. Good for you on being a great dad!
SMDH
That was a little dramatic, no? LOL
"And why is it that I can remember Michele dating trivia when I can't seem to remember if I took my vitamins this morning ?" LMAO
Step away from the temptation! *shudders from a flashback*
I went to my ex-boyfriend's prom with another guy. He got mad and told me I shouldn't have done that. I told him he shouldn't have cheated on me. End.Of. Discussion.
Interesting that I almost married the 2nd guy I almost dated.. We dated for 5 years.. Could it be, that the second one is THE ONE!!! *Panic mode as I pick my phone to call him!* lol
Interesting that I almost married the 2nd guy I dated.. We dated for 5 years.. Could it be, that the second one is THE ONE!!! *Panic mode as I pick my phone to call him!* lol
Had to comment here.. African men are more or less like every other man in the world, some good, some bad.. These particular guys were douches, not cool to make such general statements..
That is what I said - all guys from these countries aren't bad. I don't think I generalized, did I?
I'll be there! Looking forward to seeing my girl again and meeting all of her TX besties.
Chele, I know you were forbidden to blog about it. But that doesn't mean you can't send an emai. I'm just sayin...you could just hop on over to my blog, hit that email icon, and fill a sister in on the details. It would make my day in more ways than one :)
*saunters in late..: OH HAYLE NAW!!!!!!
i respect that you respect others that have not respected you. i do.
but..this trailer for a movie never to be released..kinda..um.sucked.
i say that with love. i do i do.
Sorry my english, but this is great site, I wil add to my favorites.
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