So the plan, in case you're wondering; is to spend just a little bit of time all about Michele living drama-free. Yes, I'm embracing Zen Chele. But um... perhaps before I attempted to achieve that peaceful state I shouldn't have blogged my break up to the universe? Here are four things that happened on my way to the Zen Zone.
1. An ex-boyfriend who reads the damn blog called around mid-day. He kindly offered to fly into town to "take care" of me. I assume he was referring to the "hot chocolate"? I declined. Damn y'all with your chatter about whipped cream and marshmallows.
2. A girlfriend gave some random dude my phone number and told him, "Now's your shot!" He called and asked me out for coffee. I said I'd get back him. So he said, "Do you just want to come over and watch a movie?" I paused. He said, "Of the adult variety?" **CLICK** Now I have to call her back and find out just what exactly she said about me?
3. Distant cousins I haven't talked to in years sent me Facebook messages to see if I'm okay. Yes, I am but uh - where you been?
4. Jayme has already tried to set me up. She has apparently been hoarding "hook ups" for me since midsummer. Side-eye to Jayme who swears that it's not that she thought my relationship would fail... she was just hegding her bets in case it did. By this evening, she had sent over five "resumes" of men she thought were suitable for me to meet. Le Sigh Jayme.
One more lecture about "getting back in the saddle"... one more talk about the best way to "get over one is to get under another"... already over it. I've heard formulas about how long you have to "grieve" one relationship based on time in relationship, intensity of relationship, it goes on and on. Which is amusing because I had one guy that I broke up with on a Tuesday move in with someone else that same Friday. I've taken anywhere from one week to one year before glancing in anyone else's direction.
So tell me BougieLand - what's the formula you've heard? How long before you flirt, date, share hot chocolate after a break-up? Wildly curious to hear what some of you have to say about this one.
106 comments:
Ha ha ha! Jayme can kindly send a resume or two this way! The yella fella tho, since I'm partial to caramel.
Anywho, I'd mad at the ex w/ his supreme lameness and at the dude asking you to watch adult movies. They both need a cup of saddownsomewhere.
As for me, it varies. I've gone from flirting almost immediately after a breakup to not looking at anyone for like two years. After my worst breakup, I did call an ex (the standby hot chocolate man) for a sympathy cup. Other than that I go on lockdown, cuz you know too much chocolate is bad for you. But I do flirt immediately. It helps boost the confidence. I don't go on dates til I'm sure I can be open to the person, which can happen after a few months. Longest break was two years.
Cue theme music for one and two: BOW CHICKA BOW WOW! For real tho - WDDDA? Watch a movie - of the adult variety?!?! Doesn't know you from Eve, but he is ready to foist some porn on you. Good looking out Dude - just broke up, receiving Blog prayers and best wishes, trying to live drama -free, and his solution is to come over and sit on a couch (probably coated in vinyl) and watch some random folks mix it up. Ick. He must have it already in the DVD ready to go. Leave him be - he probably has sticky floors. And the Ex? That is some oily shiggity right there...
Girl - go buy some purple heels, get a spa treatment, and just be you! When the time comes, you will know when to go buy marshmallows and whipped cream.
That part of the game where other folks get to play HR professional?
No likey.
This is why I aint got no friends like that
I was unfriending folks long before YT folks were over there stealing websites from one another.
If you aint helping you hindering.
Hindering is for enemies. That is all.
1. LMAO! I guess I can't blame him for trying.
2. First you need to have a convo with your "friend' about giving out your number ::super serious side eye:: Second, WTF random dude? What self respecting grown man goes with "come over and watch a porno" on the first date? e_O
3. That's family for ya.
4. Awww, Jayme's just looking out for ya! It's always good to have contingency plans ::coughSgtMcHottiecough:: ;ob
On the moving on formulas I honestly don't remember any specific ones, but I do remember thinking they were dumb whatever they were.
I've never been in a relationship cuz I'm flipping scared and wary, but I have witnessed a helluva lot of break-ups (yes, I guess those haven't helped me either). I figure some well-needed Me Time is best after a relationship goes south.
I was taught "hair of the dog" - like when you're hungover the best thing to do is swig a shot of something... yup.
I heard it was for every month you were together, you take a week to get over it and for every year, you take a month - but that sounds crazy huh? It takes what it takes.
Maybe it's shady but I'm a "bird in the hand, two in the bush" girl. All about the back-up plan.
Just WHOA to your ex - like a vulture circling. Body ain't even cold yet and he's swooping in.
He's so clearly an ex for a reason.
Really with the porn offer? WDDDA?
Family, what can ya do?
Jayme is the bomb. Whoever you reject, toss them BougieLand's way.
Unfortunately, men are using such "come-ons" because there are women out there who are falling for this shiggity! I am convinced of it!!!
how does one horde hook ups, exactly? does she have a holding pen?
Knowing you just asked for kicks because you must have this down to a science by now - I say coffee never hurt anybody
I put myself on "hiatus" so that I could focus on myself and my daughter. Well some charming guy approached me, we conversed and exchanged numbers. (Asking myself, "I thought you were on a hiatus?) Should have followed my first mind!...This ninja decided to call me a week or so later, saying he was out of town and had to offer to pay his cousin to go to his house and look in his car for my number. (Wow really?) When I asked him what he likes in a woman, he said, "I like a woman who looks innocent but is a freak in the bed! I want to roll up in church with her and while everyone is saying how sweet she looks, I'm thinking you don't know what she just did to me last night!"
WDDDA? Are you serious?!!
CTFU @ "Good looking out Dude - just broke up, receiving Blog prayers and best wishes, trying to live drama -free, and his solution is to come over and sit on a couch (probably coated in vinyl) and watch some random folks mix it up. Ick."
CaliGirl is right. I always say that HollaGuy only exists because it works. If it didn't he would change his game.
Your are right, that's shady. I'm an all-in guy. If I am doing you I am doing it 100% at high speed. If it doesn't work out I can course correct later.
*DEAD* "Just WHOA to your ex - like a vulture circling. Body ain't even cold yet and he's swooping in."
That is the definition of an inside thought...LOL
I heard that the way to get over one man is to get under another one. LOL
Itruly think it depends on the person that will decide when it time for them to get back on the "dating horse" again.
LOL - you were on man hiatus when you met Dude Formerly Known as New! So we'll just sit here and wait...
I was married for 12 years, got divorced and vowed to spend the next two years alone. Met a guy two weeks after my divorce was final and we've been together ever since - going on three years. So you are correct - there is no formula.
Did he hear *crickets* after he made that statement? So - he just let you know he wants a freaky church girl. He just sounds coated in lecherousness. Yes - I made that word up.
Sometimes you end up hacking up hairballs. Just sayin'...
Quite shady. That doesn't seem fair to the person you're with or the two you have on standby
That's the wildest formula ever - no one would ever get "back on the horse"
No sir - just makes you sicker... in my experience. When you're hungover, find a cure and stay away from the booze for a second. Actually - this whole analogy doesn't work for me.
What's that saying? If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything?
This is how folks get got.
Doesn't every man want lady in the living room, beast in the bedroom? We just don't say it. Some things could stand less articulation.
Go girl!
Sooo... the "Dude Formerly Known as New" (DFKN) is a thing now?
Exactly
I would say ladies don't mind that combination either. Friends of mine used to call it a "Corporate Thug" - can take care of business in boardroom AND bedroom.
The proper made up term is lecherosity. Ha!
Le Sigh - are you saying I should be the Queen of the Break Up Bounceback by now?
*kicks trash can* I kinda am.
I would not be surprised. Jayme don't play.
Me Time is always good.
Y'all are ubersubtle with the Sgt McHottie hints.
Let the church say...
Ha - oops! My bad...
Let's see, my college roommate's dad used to say "You're either on my way or in my way but either way I'm rolling"
Eww and Ick with the vinyl couch.
Yes indeed, beware the sympathy cocoa.
Thank YOU, I was like huh?
1. Re the Ex - don't get caught slipping. Probably time for new.
2. Uh yeah - you need to find out what she's telling bruhs. You don't just drop the porn suggestion at random... unless he's a complete perv in which case - why is she setting him up with you? None of your posts have indicated a freaknasty side like that.
3. Fam. That's all
4. Jayme is a friend for the win! Good looking out.
Or Old New Dude?
Um, um, um - corporate thugs, my favorite food group.
So I'm the only one dying to know which ex called?!
Nope.
This is off topic but you have the BEST male commenters of any site I've been to. Even when ratchet, they bring it.
They rock. My ladies do too.
*eyebrow raised* Sir, are you by any chance related to @ThinkLikeRiley?
Hol up now. Nothing wrong with the freaky church girl. They need love too...LOL Dude just shoulda kept that to himself.
No Mocha, it's not just you...
Dropping in BougieLand before Big Bro gets to slapping up that dumb "site access denied" sign ... lawds corporate america .... oh I digress.
Ex: Boy bye. Like Javalicious said -- let the body get cold first dang! At least pretend to gibbadam
Random Dude: Boy Bye. Even more importantly, exactly what is girlfriend sayin '-- she might wanna drop the wink, wink, after she says "Chele's a lot of fun"
Cousins: Gotta luv 'em.
Jayme: Every woman needs a girl looking out for her like that.
Jayme is taking no prisoners....LOL
Exactly!!!
I bet he watched those words leave his mouth and was wishing he could snatch them back! Guess this doesn't qualify as actual Tourette's Syndrome as much as it might be a Tourette's moment...
She ain't even playing. I need one of her on my team.
Absolutely!!! That's my damn weakness! But that's your answer to my question the first time we talk? Too "real" for me. But hey, for some women that may not be a problem!
*stealing Corporate Thug*
Did I hear my name being called?
Stealing it.
T-shirt?
Ooo-kay?!
I just laughed and told him he was funny. (He didn't get what I was really saying). He knows where I live so I had to play it safe. However I think he got the message when I didn't answer the phone the next time he called. And I have never called him...I'm sure he's not used to such rejection seeing how he works for the gov't. (military), travels all the time, has several cars, motorcycles, jet skiis, lives in a big house in a nice area, yada yada yada. Also tooooo much for a first conversation!
Not even! I'm wanting to know which one it is! GAM, Riley, Steve, Michael? LMAO, just kiddin guys! He probably doesn't post comments. LOL
Well hold up - Ain't nuthin' wrong with a lil sex with the ex. You know whatcha got, you can hit and quit and move on.
Can you send a sistah some resumes? LOL
We do rock. we just good like dat.
Imma say Gene or that dude who just hollered a few weeks back talmbout Whaddup?
Hey whatever hap to the Romey-Rome dude? You gotta link to that story, one of the best Bougietales EVAR!
Lol, wait didn't OneChele all ready tell us about the church woman that took dumbass dude for ride?
But uh - where all these pretty bruhs coming from all-a-sudden? You got more shirt-off/muscle-shirted avi's round this joint. LMAO!
1. -ex is just wrong. 'predatory tap back' ?
2. -sometimes friends think they know what we want and who is good for us. a lot of times they are WRONG! I would have to check her on giving out my number to strangers.
-men seem to be so fixated on the hot chocolate, chinese food, jump and a bump, whatever you want to call it. just because I'm single, do you really think its all about that? what about a good conversation to show me that you have more going for you than your hindparts?
3 - family- well, at least they checked on you. maybe time to renew some family ties.
4. -Jayme - I wish I had a friend like Jayme
BWAHAHA! Tryna get that Bougie Hook Up, son!
*Fanning* you mean the good church brother that moved honey from the hood and her baby in, to the tune of THOUSANDS of dollars on his credit card that he gave her, and all kindza folk rolling through his house that she couldn't bother to keep clean?? You mean that dumbass dude? **getting back to work now, fan and all**
Damn! Team Jayme.
You KNOW how I feel about TapBack
Shush - I ain't mad at 'em
Romey-Rome in da house: http://www.blacknbougie.com/2010/04/date-night-movie-was-quite-amusing-real.html
I don't think there is a formula either. Each relationship is different and when one ends there are things that have been learned (hopefully) that have to be digested before proceeding with caution to the next one. If you're able to leave a relationship without feeling like your emotional resources have been completely depleted then you have an excellent head start!
I think you date again when it feels right to date again and that's specific to each person and each situation.
Dis right chere what Chele said. Yaaasssssss!
That would be the one!
Only if you can hit 'n quit without catching feelings which is hard to do with an ex S/O
LMAO, that's the one indeed!
I remember this guy! I just discovered Bougieland and I was crying and keeled over laughing at this! Boy - folks sometimes don't know you at all!
As rotten a day as I'm facing trying to legally stomp folks for messing with my mama, Romey-Rome was just the read to swing the pendulum back! Whooo, Lawd! *clearing raspy throat, wiping tears from eyes* All better now! I'm already writing the review for your movie!!
Riley brings a keep-it-real perspective, as you did in your first post (although your constructive manner clarification is good, too). Your nom de social media is classic!
One less Christmas card to send!
I say "do you" until you feel ready. I think the time frame is based on the indiviual. Nothing wrong with going out, but until you feel like you want to extend yourself treat yourself to whatever you have been wanting and don't feel the need to "couple up" until you want to . Be selfish. I can tell you the best relationships I have had where when I was not officially looking for one.
I missed this the first go around - too funny!
*vows to tighten up Corporate Thug game*
"When you fall off the horse, you gotta get back up and shoot it" - Quinn Morgendorfer
flirt? when you need to.
date? when you feel like you should.
hot chocolate..if you have an icebox where your heart used to be...dont do it.
Stealing whatever Steve left.
"Baby I got you for an appetizer. Whatever you want, you are worth it."
I member this one now. Thanks for the refresher. I laughed so hard I had a rib cartilage injury...CTFU
Hi! Im new to your blog and enjoyed reading about your (mis)adventures about dating...lol. As for time to get over a relationship, Ive heard that its supposed to be about 1/2 the time you were in the relationship... I don't follow it. I say whenever your heart feels that its ready!
Chele, thanks for sharing, not b/c I'm nosy but you are affecting lives of so many people that you will never know. I love your blog and your readers!
Chele, I've been reading for a little while and think you (and bougieland) are wonderful. I'm sorry things ended this way and agree with the others who say that you'll know when you're ready to tackle something new.
Be mad but you have a coffee date on Saturday.
LOL - I just started "vetting" a few potentials for Chele. Right after the crazy home invasion incident... just in case.
No. I am no kin to any of the fine (or not so fine) folks in these here parts.
To clarify in a more constructive manor, though.
"I am not sure that someone who chooses to implement a marketing plan for their friends without their expressed consent (particularly when said friend has demonstrated a need to pull back and detox from a recent break-up) is really acting in their friend's best interest."
There. Less Riley-esque?
I wear it with honor and I do my best to make it a brand worthy of its creativity.
Thanks for your compliments
*straight face* In the spirit of drama-free living, how about if we fix Movie Bruh up with some cultural refinement AND a date?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MWoF1xGHjs&feature=PlayList&p=779266FF86A5AFC0&index=0&playnext=1&ytsession=QgcunXigwloWKrSePzF4OOWp7oEptB3uQZzt9mhVG725lY5c5aOEULsR85aet7yxIj_RTIJ-c-qY-AmaO5gb8ZBvfetNd9mPElIiyEuBpmziac5pKKKwrDDgghVZW1QJp-RWB9LIjjTKnSnsK0SmsYMYj-1sEN7P-uZu5VWWOWrXd3RtdUlT-a6v15FFj7duERkC1ndsl_9ZztciRtL-cUrLACBmzHuU638Rq95YMgXW0Ub98BXEmC-xSwFfPHIX8l1wNtrYgmxczHiIATAHSGDegF7BStRsTHGYR1-oBtXSo2OdlbbwjpO9yrFk-7RfjyBYgIqA5LY7PqRWQOmJAr8TxsGOkO4S
How long before you're ready? I've heard 1/2 the time you were in the relationship, I've heard 1/3, I've heard 150%. I think all of those are bull, and I stick to the "The heart knows what it wants." rule. If you WANT to be with someone, you'll find someone suitable of being with you soon enough. If you don't, well, then, that next Prince Charming will come along on a delayed schedule.
Just keep doing YOU. That's all that really matters.
Sorry to hear about your break up. I must have missed that post, I've been slacking. But I agree, with the other commenters, just make sure you take your time and don't rush into anything new. No one likes to be the rebound guy, besides you owe it to them and to yourself. I have confidence it will all work out for you soon.
I see this two ways. Only you know when you are ready, however, we can drag the process out until a friend like Jayme gets us back on track.
If you are ready, then this coffee date may be the spark to get you goin again.
we know you abhor the tapback, however, "strike while the iron is hot" right? RIGHT?
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