Blogger's Note: This post was penned with full permission of BougieYoungerBro (ByB).
After fifteen plus years of marriage and five (5!) kids, BougieYoungerBro officially divorced from his wife Wednesday. And while I understand that the breaking apart of a family is in so many ways tragic, a part of me couldn't help but want to Snoopy-dance around the room waving champagne. Even typing that, I feel a little terrible... but let me explain.
Misery is not pretty and there comes a certain point in time in a relationship where the two people are just so damn unhappy that they are making everybody around them unhappy as well. It's like a toxic cloud of inescapable misery.
My younger brother was always the smartest of the four of us (bookwise anyway) and had a naturally sunny disposition that used to drive me crazy since I'm known for random bouts of moodiness. When I came back from California six years ago; my happy-go-lucky, the-world-is-my-theme-park, life-is-what-you-make-of-it brother was gone. In his place? Same wit. Same charm. Same quirky sense of humor. But Bro was salty. Tart about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. He poured his joy into his kids and worked 21 out of 24 hours in a day to support them and a woman who had decided to do well... nothing.
I'm not going to spend any time
trashing talking about my former sister-in-law. But I will say that she is responsible for my ONLY public display of non-bougie behavior in the last ten years. I stood in the middle of a front yard swearing, screaming and spewing profanity that I didn't even know I knew... at her. And then I vowed to never utter another word to her while my life lasts. I don't know if I'll be able to keep that vow but I think it's better for the world at large if I do. [Think Nuclear Holocaust type rage]
Growing up, it was me and ByB. The older two fled the nest and it was us against the world. To say we were close was a huge understatement. So it pained me to see him trying like hell to keep a very broken relationship together. Long story short, the woman he picked to be his wife was not an asset, a helpmate, or a team player. Since he was the only one holding up the foundation, when he tired - the whole house crumbled and it was a sharp steep downhill slide from there.
So I'll continue to make sure the kids get what they need and be the best Aunt possible (I really rock at it). I absolutely adore those kids and clearly they didn't ask for this hand to be dealt. But I can't help but be relieved that at least this particular season is done. The divorce is no longer a threat or a possibility, it's a done deal.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Maybe that's why I feel celebratory - because we're in the season of healing now. He can move forward and pick up the pieces and embrace what's ahead instead of dwelling on what's past. Just finished talking to him, he is drinking beer and watching The Wire. Even though this has been a long process in the making, it's going to take time for him to turn the corner. But he told me I was allowed to dance and drink champagne for him until he's ready to celebrate with me.
I always thought it was cliché when people would say of a divorce, "It was for the best." But tonight ByB said just that, "It's kinda tragic but for the best. We'll probably be better people apart." BougieMom who is the world's biggest advocate for marriage even said, "Well, maybe they can start to heal now."
BougieLand, what do you think? Is it wrong to celebrate divorce? Do you think there's such a thing as a "good" divorce? For our divorced folks out there - amicable or no? What advice would you give someone newly divorced? Random thoughts? General comments? Wise insights? The floor is yours...