Friday, October 29, 2010

Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 3: Bullshiggity, Bingo and Buffalo

When last we checked in, Mocha Dude and Mr C were attempting to set me up with some fellas. I had to take out my Bible and respond to dude wanting a Proverbs 31 woman and offering little in return. I told Mocha Dude and Mr. C that in order for me not to become jaded and tart, they had two more chances and then I was just going to shut it down for a little while. The search for Mr. Good-Bougie would have to wait.

As is known to happen the minute you announce your intentions to quit dating all together, men commence to falling out of the woodwork. I had posted a few pictures of myself and family on Facebook and though it took me a minute to notice, all of a sudden the number of male friends requests was up. Significantly. :-/ Since my Facebook page is 98% writing and blog related; unless someone is truly offensive with their FB approach, I accept the friendship. I don't have to like you to sell you a book, okay? #HustleRules

But freakin' Facebook! I have changed my privacy settings a gazillion times and they keep giving out my email address. Usually I don't mind.  Until I get something like this:
HELLO..good sweet lady,i am (name excluded),love your updates & profile,.well my hobbies are ,travelling,reading,swimming,dancing.i travelled a lot due to my occupation.love to be more than a ffriend to you............am just single& looking for my true love,& it might just shock you ,that have found love in you...............thaks for reading my mail,i care to know you more ,i adore you...........FROM XXX
For real tho? Let me remove my disdain for the abysmal grammar first and get into the content. You adore me? Just like that? You've never met me but you've "found love in me"? PLEASE TELL ME SOME WOMAN OUT THERE IS NOT FALLING FOR THIS SHIGGITY! 

I received three other similarly disturbing emails before I got Facebook security to scrub any and everywhere they had my email address. It's my Michele Grant email anyway. Not that someone can't find it here or on my MicheleGrant.net website but let's make the crazies work for it a little bit, shall we?

Next up was a gentleman named Theodis. I decided the only way to remove all semblance of pre-judgment was to simply think of him as Theo. He is 47 years old, former military, current exec, divorced, two grown kids. Theo and I played phone tag for days. I'm not that hard to catch up with but this dude couldn't seem to manage. I am always susupect when someone calls me, I call right back and all of a sudden they are not able to answer their phone. Three times in a row. But moving on...

Theo took to calling at off hours trying to catch me - 6:00 in the morning, 1:30 at night. By this time, I wasn't so eager to chat. His messages were just a mite overly familiar. "One day you and I will lie in bed laughing about how we played phone tag in the beginning. Let's start laughing now." Um, a little bit icky? Finally, one night we connected via text. It was closing in on 11:00pm. He asked if I was going to be up for a while. I replied maybe, why? He said he was out but he'd call when he got in. At 12:30 he called and said he had been at Bingo. 

[we're pausing] Yes, ninja said Bingo. Said he plays three times a week and did I play? I told him I did not, I was sleepy and I'd send him a text in the morning. 

The last guy they were hesitant to set me up with because he's younger and they weren't sure I how cougarific I was feeling. Plus he lives in Houston so they weren't sure how I felt about distance. I told them to let me talk to him first. We talked and talked and talked. Five hour conversation. Such a great conversation that he came up and we had lunch the next day. Gulp. I had no description of dude prior to meeting him. Dude is 6'9" and rather nice to look at. [read fine and chockful of chocolatey goodness] Six-Nine! Sweet Jesus. Engineer, originally from Cali. Divorced, two kids. We have a similarly stupid sense of humor.

The lunch went well. He came back up Wednesday for lunch. All conversational snap-crackle-and-pop. We're meeting this weekend in Buffalo, Texas (exactly halfway between Houston and Dallas) for dinner and a movie. (If there is a movie theater in Buffalo?) And then we'll see.

I put a lot of stock in "vibe" and Bingo Dude just felt hinky. Y'all know hinky, like something there just wasn't quite right. Never gave FB stalker another thought after cutting and pasting his email over here. So between Bullshiggity Stalker, Bingo Dude, and Buffalo Soldier... who ya think I'm rolling with for now? 

BougieLand, who plays Bingo under the age of sixty? (So Not Gangsta/So Not Bougie) Who admits it?  And if it was just a story, that's the best you can come up with? Who sends crazy stalkery emails to women they've never met?  Who believes in instant chemistry? Who has thoughts, comments, insights to share? The floor is yours.

108 comments:

ConvertingMe said...

Let me tell you the air is better up there. Of course, I am biased my husband just happens to be 6'9" too. Roll on Buffalo Soldier!

My BFF plays bingo and we are in our mid thirties. She has parents who gamble a lot and lives in a very small town with few social opportunities.

Drop Bingo dude. I got hinky and creepy just from reading his voice mail. I can only imagine his voice left a grease print on the phone.

Facebook dude - in your words. LeHuh? LeSigh... LeDamn!

Superwoman said...

michelle, i thought i was a freak magnet, you are ON ANOTHER LEVEL!!!! who ARE these people? the younger guy sounds delish, you must just ENJOY! have lotsa lotsa fun to make up for these lunatics you've had to deal with... all the best!

EvolvingElle said...

Gurl...I say go with Buffalo Soldier, just off the height alone! I love dudes that I can chit-chat and laugh with. And I know if he talked to you he has a great grasp of the English language. Drop the other dudes. (I feel you on FB; I changed my privacy settings once random dudes starting sending me friend requests. Just because we have mutual friends does not make us buddies.) But back to Buffalo Soldier-will you check to see if he has an identical twin that lives in or near DC???? Please and thanks.

blackprofessor said...

Buffalo Soldier sounds nice and I LOVE tall men, especially since I am tall myself! I love when I vibe with a brother and I hope the vibe continues between the two of you! Enjoy Buffalo TX!!

Penny said...

I think that modern communication methods have made us lazy. If you are really interested in someone, is Facebook the best that you can do? In spite of all the modern communication methods, nothing (yet) can replace genuine effort if you are interested in someone. There is not much effort in sending out a FB message or some BS text message. Not sure of the distance between Dallas and Houston, but evidently, Buffalo Soldier didn't think it was too far to drive to meet you for lunch(es.)

Mr. XXX sounds weird to say the least. Who would want someone that fell for those lines-someone you haven't even met?? That said, maybe it has worked for him before. People do tend to do what works for them. Sorry to say, probably more than one woman has fallen for those tacky lines. Theo sounds skeevy-Bingo aside, who calls someone they don't know at 6AM?

These escapades of yours crack me up. :) You can't make this this stuff up!! Enjoy your date with Buffalo Soldier.

CaliGirlED said...

Facebook Dude lost me at "HELLO..good sweet lady".

Theo lost me at "6:00 in the morning".

Buffalo Soldier drove from Houston to Dallas (3 - 3-1/2 hours) for a couple of lunches, and is going to meet you half way for dinner and a movie, has good conversation and makes you laugh?...Sounds like Mocha Dude and Mr. C may have redeemed themselves.

Hope you have a great time and lots more fun to come with the young Soldier!!!

Natasha Hunter said...

OK... the "one day we'll look back..." comment is soo...ugh! I ABHOR when men watch too many romantic comedies and try those lines in real life! :) Love your posts, glad I stumbled upon them!

Sarah said...

Good to hear you are having some fun. I can't say I'm a fan of long distance relationship having done that but 4 hours by car is different from having to get into an airplane. Can I ask how much younger? I'm just being nosy never mind. After yesterday's post, I spent the day think about a romance (too short to be called a relationship) that I had in my late 20s which started with one of those great dates of connection and vibe. And after all these years, I've forgotten the pain of the ending, but the memory of that one day still makes me smile. So I say go for it. Relax and have some fun. And get your car serviced so there are no breakdowns with all that driving.

KG said...

Facebook Dude lost me at "HELLO..good sweet lady". I know!! People who talk/write like that in this day and age kill me man. I'm just trying to pretend that English is his second language.

As for Theo, this statement "One day you and I will lie in bed laughing about how we played phone tag in the beginning. Let's start laughing now." is just SO WRONG and inappropriate when you don't even know the person like that yet. Lie in bed? He must be on drugs.

Buffalo Soldier is 6'9"??!! That is mad tall.

Aisha said...

I'm loving Buffalo dude right now, Fb stalker cracks me up and Bingo dude? Yeah he's probably gotta a girl=weird hours to call when she's not around. Good luck this weekend

Aisha said...

I'm loving Buffalo dude right now, Fb stalker cracks me up and Bingo dude? Yeah he's probably gotta a girl=weird hours to call when she's not around. Good luck this weekend

MelaninEnriched said...

OK, I'm on time today!

FB BS Stalker- he sounds like a foreigner and probably scammer. Not joking. His sentence structure let me know that English is probably not his first language; also he came on so strong and that definitely made my spidey senses tingle. This has happened to me and it was hard to get rid of him.

Bingo Dude: Actually, there's some kind of "new" bingo that's supposed to be fun. I was supposed to go with a meetup group, but couldn't make it. It was called Not Your Grandmother's Bingo! Ha! BUT, those odd hours with calling and stuff make me think something is up with him. I wouldn't entertain him at all, especially with those messages. Ick!

Buffalo Soldier: Bingo! (a la Bingo dude, LOL). I hope 3rd time's a charm! He sounds like a catch so far. He's willing to travel to meet you for lunch, has good convo, employed, and he's tall! Lots of points for that.

I think they ran out of tall, straight men in ATL, LOL.

Good luck with Buffalo Soldier!

Reads4Pleasure said...

::::whispering:::: i love bingo. That is all.

ConvertingMe said...

I need you to stop ::whispering:: Brick Heck.

Reads4Pleasure said...

I should have known that you would catch that! I love Brick, but I keep wondering what's wrong with that child in real life. Seems like he would be just as odd as his character. And where's his neck?

Ms. Jay said...

Instant chemistry in someone you've never met? Bullshiggity.

Theo: is bingo code for something else, like you were getting some hot cocoa from another woman ?

tyg( tall young guy) sounds like he is ready to put in the work to catch you . He sounds great - tall, dark , handsome , college degreed , and gainfully employed . God please let this man be who we think he is and not some fool with no sense whatsoever.

CorettaJG said...

Man! Your recent ex-military folks are giving ex-military folks a bad name. I've had such good experiences with them. Sorry about that.

Smart, snappy conversation, chocolatey goodness, tall (although 6'9" is pretty doggone tall) and willing to drive over 200 miles for lunch. What's not to like at this point?

GrownAzzMan said...

Hmmmm, Chele your life IS our entertainment...LOL

Facebook dude reminds me of the random emails I get in my spam folder from time to time from foreign women, usually from somewhere in Africa or Russia. They KNOW that I am their soulmate for reasons beyond me and express it in horrible English. Hell to the no!

Bingo man? Really? I know that is a big thing at the Indian casinos out here but c'mon son!

Obviously you have the most chemistry with the Buffalo soldier and he is not letting the distance get in the way so I say ride that horse and see where it goes.

yourgirlC said...

Stalker dude reads like he's looking for a green card and/or some lonely American woman who will foolishly invest her retirement account in some "sure thing" venture of his. He's a 20/20 segment just waiting to happen.

Bingo dude is married or in a "marriage-like" relationship, hence the odd timing of his calls and the voice mail when you call back.

Buffalo dude? Hmmph. I'd have to put a little money on a background check before I'd put miles on my car for him. Especially if I plan to meet him in a small little town where I don't know anyone. But that's just me.

William Martin said...

I do love to read your Bougie Tales of dating woe. They make me feel so much better about my little attempts. Good luck with tall dude!

JaymeC said...

C - we background and credit check everybody before we put them in front of The Contessa of Bouge. We got references too. We don't need side-eyes from La Chele.

JaymeC said...

Also, we sat SixNine down with all four of us (me, BB and the menfolk) and grilled him like this was a Homeland Security position. We'll see how he does but so far so good.

Jason P said...

47 y/o rocking Bingo gives off "Old Dude tryna catch young filly" vibe.
FB cat seems like foreigner looking for Sugar Mama/Green Card hookup
I say give Young Buck a shot.

OneChele said...

LOL @ grease print on the phone!

OneChele said...

Le Sigh, I do get the crazies.

OneChele said...

I will get the family tree and shake it down for prospects ;-)

OneChele said...

Thank you ever so ;-)

OneChele said...

4.5 hour drive from Dallas to Houston!

yourgirlC said...

I read the set up by ya'll part too fast. I feel a lot better knowing that he's already been checked out. **huge sigh of relief**.

OneChele said...

That is MAD tall - :-)

OneChele said...

See, you picked up on the same "ick vibe" I did with "good sweet lady" - NO. THANK. YOU!
6:00am could get you killed around here.
(Chele is NOT a morning person)

OneChele said...

Excellent point. I had a brother try to get over with a "you complete me" bit of shiggity. No sir. Keep the Hollywood over there.

OneChele said...

Amy (my car is named Amy, don't judge me) never breaks down, bless her heart but thanks!
He is 8 years younger. I'm earning Cougar stripes for this one.

OneChele said...

FB stalkers just bold as all get out these days, aren't they?

OneChele said...

New Bingo? Interesting. What in the world can you do with... never mind.

OneChele said...

Side-eye sent with the love.

OneChele said...

LOL ! I wondered the same thing about "bingo" and then I decided I din't want to know.

OneChele said...

Excellent phrase: at this point. True!

OneChele said...

Uh... thanks, I think? You threw me with the horse analogy. ;-)

OneChele said...

I said please and thank you! I even curtsied.

yourgirlC said...

My car is named Charlie. :)

OneChele said...

Well my job here is done then. If my tragic tales bring sunshine into your day, I've accomplished all I need to ;-)

OneChele said...

Indeed.

thinklikeRiley said...

Ooowwweee! I got some truly unBougie things to say about young 6'9" rolling up but it's about to get good in BougieLand and I don't wanna get kicked out (again). Lemme just say this - prepare to get your cocoa shaken AND stirred. BWAHAHA! Enjoy!

sugahoneyicedtea said...

FB stalker and Bingo dude makes me feel icky..like I need take 50leven showers & top it off with rinsing my head in a bucket of lysol..*shudders* Now Buffalo dude definitely has my vote because he pulled a black eyed peas-can you meet me halfway. Let us pray..*bows head* Please Lawd, let this man not hide any mental deficiencies, any STDs, any crazy ppl he has stirred cocoa with/for, or hide a serious criminal record..Let the church say Amen.

OneChele said...

I don't think I met Charlie?! I'm still rolling Amy. She's irreplaceable.

cocoaeyecandy said...

Wait, wait, wait - 6'9", early thirties, good job, cocoa-sexy? I WANT ONE!!
*pouting in corner and muttering* Enjoy.

All Honey said...

Amen and Amen.

All Honey said...

Dayum! Y'all were NOT playing.

All Honey said...

FB and Bingo made me a little queasy.
Go get that young boy and let's see what he's working with.

Reads4Pleasure said...

What's wrong with playing Bingo? There's money to be won and old people to learn history from. It's a win/win situation.

All Honey said...

Man went through that, driving up and down the road - he's off to a great start.

Carey Jackson said...

Question - are you going to tell him about the blog?

Carey Jackson said...

We appreciate it!

Carey Jackson said...

Ugh!

OneChele said...

Not yet and we'll see. ;-)

OneChele said...

All I did was send a side-eye with the L-O-V-E.

Paul on Ice said...

As I 5'10" man I have to stop and hate on the extra-tall brothers for half a second. Sky-high mf's.
Okay, I'm over it. Do you girl. You deserve a little fun. Oaky, a lotta fun.

Reads4Pleasure said...

It's the same side eye you sent for my darling cat wearing glasses avi. You ain't slick, Chele. You ain't slick.

rozb said...

The Facebook dude sounds like one of those Nigerian scammers that write like Borat. "Excuse please to know lovely lady. Wish to make sex with so be very happy to love from my country. Yes?"

Uh....not only no, but...HELL NAW!

Old bingo playing dude - sounds like he is lying about something - age, marital status, plus, sounds like he would have ashy elbows and drive an El Dorado with his Kangol on backwards. Meh. Next.

Say Yes to the Young'un. If anything, it can be an interesting time, and he has been vetted pretty well, so says Jayme and the crew...

rozb said...

That was a pretty oily voicemail, huh?

Nicky G said...

Aw.......there is hope for you yet, darling. I too was a tree-hugger (only 6' and above dudes) but they were my kryptonite.Then I met my 5'10" sexy nerdy engineer and gave him a chance. We'se gon be married come next July. Take heart, we do convert every once in a while.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Girl please! My beau is six years younger than me, and I'm younger than you (at least the age you revealed on another post) and you know the age gap carries more weight the younger you are. I say enjoy and put cougarific thoughts out of you mind!

On an interesting note, all of my friends who are married either married younger men or men their same age. I think the days have passed when the majority of unions will be between [much] older men and younger women.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

"Contessa of Bouge" - LOVES IT!

yourgirlC said...

I haven't seen you since Charlie came into my life. He's from the same country as Amy but he's from the other big family.

Sarah said...

I have a special relationship with my car too :-) It doesn't have a name, but I talk to it, pat it on the dashboard to give it encouragement, and consider it as my co-conspirator in life's adventures. The two of us out on the road is a happy thing.

Suebhoney1125 said...

Me Too!! LOL

Ms. Jay said...

all I want to know is does he have a younger brother , about 25-26 or so

David Chase said...

You are the most resilient woman!
Enjoy Buffalo, the others aren't worth your thoughts or time.

CaliGirlED said...

I better slow down!

Bethany Showell said...

I had an ex that would take me to bingo back in the day. And at the time I was 19 and he was 26 so it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that dude is going to bingo. It would be us and the 70 year olds all up in the bingo hall w/markers *smh*. Granted this ex was/is corny as hell and eventually left me because he was "feeling crowded" and had been "playing a lot of darts", so...

CaliGirlED said...

Yeah I gave a side-eye to Theo's "lie in bed" statement, but it really didn't matter what he said, it was 6:00 IN THE DAMN MORNING!!! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Well let's just say he caught you on a good day, cause you took time to even answer the phone!

CaliGirlED said...

Earning Cougar stripes are fun! (I don't know if you can be a cougar under the age of 40, but there was a 14 year difference, and it was GRREEAATT!)

CaliGirlED said...

BINGO!!! He's definitely got someone else, or more than one. He's trying to get Chele up in one of those "four corners". LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Dayum! I wish I had yall in my circle!

CaliGirlED said...

"Let us pray..*bows head* Please Lawd..." *dead*

CaliGirlED said...

Hell I'm in Houston and he driving all the way to Dallas to meet Chele! *sitting in corner next to Cocoa*

CaliGirlED said...

Aww Paul!

CaliGirlED said...

The Facebook dude sounds like one of those Nigerian scammers that write like Borat. "Excuse please to know lovely lady. Wish to make sex with so be very happy to love from my country. Yes?" *laughin out loud*

"...sounds like he would have ashy elbows and drive an El Dorado with his Kangol on backwards." *shakin my head*

Andrea M said...

Roz you are crazy!

Andrea M said...

Amen!

Andrea M said...

I'm only 5'1" so I feel you!

Andrea M said...

Smart!

Andrea M said...

Well scoot over. So far Chele has dated all manner of fineness and my cupboards are bare!

Andrea M said...

Riley - you are so wrong for that!

Andrea M said...

Right?!

Andrea M said...

You guys ain't nothing to play with

Andrea M said...

What did you call them - keyboard brave?

Andrea M said...

Depends on which sides of the town you're on. South Houston to North Dallas!

Andrea M said...

Please and thank you.

Melzie said...

Ring the alarm! Why did my heart jump when I read 6'9" and chocolate (no pun intended)? Yep, we're pulling for a love match with Mista Buffalo. Have a great time!

OneChele said...

This is the same darts guy? He stayed losing.

maureen palmer said...

Exactly what he said.

Citizen Ojo said...

6'9?? Is that what he said?? Huh! And that other cat - with a name like Theodis, he probably doesn't get much action....

maureen palmer said...

Please check for a cousin too, I'm in the D.C area:-)

Tonda Williams said...

I KNEW Riley would kill me eventually....*please spread my ashes wisely*.....

GammasWorld said...

Y'all need to quit hatin on Bingo (the game not the man) or at least quit referring to as "Grandma's" game -- I'm getting a complex. Hmmph to FB-Dude and Theo (tryna to be an old playa and can't come up with anything better than "bingo" as his excuse for not getting away from the other woman - Boy Bye). Now Gamma is not one for the cougarific but I'm 5'9 and swooning over that 6'9 box of chocolate my damn self -- enjoy the date and see if he's got any male people in NC in his height range.

Nicky G said...

OneChele, girl, try the young buck engineer out. I got me one of them and engineer chocolate is very interesting. All those angles of entry and rotations *phew!!! fans myself*

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

No kidding! I need one of those in my life...

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

I second that!

Miss-Devin Kemp said...

"The Contessa of Bouge..." I'm so stealing that

Buffalo Soldier 9 said...

Keep telling that history:

Read the novel, Rescue at Pine Ridge, where Buffalo Bill Cody meets a Buffalo Soldier. A great story of Black military history...the first generation of Buffalo Soldiers. Five stars Amazon, Barnes & Noble and the youtube trailer commercial...and visit the website http://www.rescueatpineridge.com

How do you keep a people down? ‘Never' let them 'know' their history.

The 7th Cavalry got their butts in a sling again after the Little Big Horn Massacre, fourteen years later, the day after the Wounded Knee Massacre. If it wasn't for the 9th Cavalry Buffalo Soldiers, there would of been a second massacre of the 7th Cavalry.

I know you’ll enjoy the novel. I wrote the story that embodied the Native Americans, Outlaws and African-American/Black soldiers, from the south to the north, in the days of the Native American Wars with the approaching United States of America. This story is about, brutality, compassion, reprisal, bravery, heroism and gallantry. Read the novel, Rescue at Pine Ridge, the story of the rescue of the famed 7th Cavalry by the 9th Cavalry Buffalo Soldiers.

The novel was taken from my mini-series movie of the same title, “RaPR” to keep my story alive. Hollywood has had a lot of strikes and doesn’t like telling our stories…its been “his-story” of history all along…until now. The movie so far has attached, Bill Duke directing, Hill Harper, Glynn Turman, James Whitmore Jr. and a host of other major actors in which we are in talks with…see imdb.com at; http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0925633/

When you get a chance, also please visit our Alpha Wolf Production website at; http://www.alphawolfprods.com and see our other productions, like Stagecoach Mary, the first Black Woman to deliver mail for Wells Fargo in Montana, in the 1890's, “spread the word”.

Peace.

Only the Tall said...

I'm 6 ft, that's why I say, "Only the Tall". LOL

MotownMs said...

"I too was a tree-hugger (only 6' and above dudes) but they were my kryptonite."...whew...I had several flashbacks...oh that's right we are focusing on 'Chele...yeh...girl...do you...;-)

MotownMs said...

...btw...who is responsible for introducing you to Theo?...jes' askin'....

CaliGirlED said...

Ooooh those angles of entry!!! *puts the phone down, "step away from the tap back"*

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