Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"What had happened was..." and other signs of freaky-sneaky


Let's face it, bad things get said right after "What had happened was..." In fact, I would suggest that folks just retire the phrase. Nothing good ever comes of it. Anytime your S/O has the guilty face paired with a shaky "what had happened was..." you're already knowing - it ain't good. A lot of people have different viewpoints on cheating. Some will overlook one indiscretion but when your S/O starts TigerWoodsing it... no bueno. [Sidebar: Remember when TigerWoodsing referred to dominance on the golf links? Moving on.]

Let's look at some other phrases that may cast suspicion on fidelity ever after.

There's something I need to tell you - Usually followed by "and don't get upset". Rest assured that whatever comes next will get you upset. Unfortunately, this phrase prefaces a lot of bad news. But as far as the freaky-sneaky goes... would you rather your S/O told you they cheated or would you rather you find out from someone else? Really, is there any good way to find out?

Baby it was just that one time - Also "It won't happen again, I promise", "It was a momentary mistake" and "I'm sorry I did that to you." Uh-huh. It's up to you. Purportedly you know your beloved better than anyone else. Was it just that one time? One tequila shooter too many? You'll have to decide and move forward from there. Just make sure that a few months later, you're not listening to "It will be different this time, I swear."

She/he means nothing to me - Code for she/he means something to me but if I say that I know you're walking. This is almost worse than the admittance. I'd almost prefer it if you cheated on me for someone you cared about, that at least has some purpose behind it. But hittin' for hits' sake? I don't know. This might just be me, let me know your thoughts. Why do I keep hearing Usher's Confessions playing in my head?

She/He is just a friend - Hmm. This one is tricky. She/He may just be a friend. But then again... at some point your friends need to fallback and respect your relationship. And is he/she just a friend waiting for a chance to get out of the Friend Zone? Have they already made a move and are now just laying in the cut waiting? There are boundaries. Friends don't text/call you in the middle of the night, show up in random places unexpectedly, drop hints about how life was back when you were single... don't get me started. I've been in too many situations where my S/O's "friend" was a smashbuddy-in-waiting. And then the waiting was over. There are friends, then there are friends. Make sure the lines are drawn clearly.

So tell me BougieLand, what are some phrases that set off the warning bells for you? Have you used them? Is there any good way to find out some freaky-sneaky was going on? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tomorrow: "I don't think you can handle me" & other red flags.

70 comments:

MidwestDominicana said...

My then bf (now hubby) was seen out with my bff. I got a call from a friend who had gotten a call from her aunt saying that she'd seen my bf "out with some white chick" and should she go get him. LOL...she ended up ruining the surprise Christmas gift my bf was out buying and the three of us had a good laugh about it later.
I know this is a bit off subject, but the sister phone call reminded me.

OneChele said...

Amen and amen. Thank you for sharing!

CaliGirlED said...

"It just happened."

Oh I see, so you guys happened to be alone, happened to start kissing, happened to get naked, happened to insert something somewhere, happened to go back and forth and up and down in a continuous motion? Ok I'm glad I understand now.

thinklikeRiley said...

But you gotta admit, if you wanna get rid of somebody, having them walk in on you mid-stroke does the trick. Every time.

Aisha said...

"Imma tell you the truth.." followed by an elaborate lie.
"It didn't happen the way you think..." followed by a lie that makes you the guilty party
"I didn't mean for it to happen.." means: I really didn't mean for you to find out
" we were just hanging out and ....." I'm about to be caught because your sister saw me with her, so let me get my excuse in first

But then those are just the ones I've heard.

Jason P said...

I try to pull off "That was just sex, I make love to you" - didn't work out as I'd hoped. And turned out girlie was the type to hold grudges, slash tires and announce shit in the student union. Worth it? NOT.

Pure Choco said...

First, LOL at TigerWoodsing. Classic.
Second, there's no good way to hear the news but at least if someone fesses up, it's better than getting blindsides by someone else or seeing with your own eyes... a mental image I'll never forget.

CaliGirlED said...

"...your friends need to fallback and respect your relationship." If you have to say that, then that person is not just a friend, or is a "smashbuddy-in-waiting".

A friend is going to respect your relationship and make your SO feel comfortable around them. I have a good friend to this very day that I met through my daughter's father. He even accused me of stealing his friend from him. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Please tell me you never tried that line again. Lesson learned right? LOL

All Honey said...

I actually had dude try the Joe line: I'm not a playa I just eff a lot
Well I'm not JoJo but I told him to leave, get out...
(viva los 90s)

All Honey said...

Oh and no, there's NO good way to find this out. Ever.

datdudeincali said...

I'll be Mr. Fairy Tales and Unicorns today - how about we all stick to sleeping with one person at a time, presumably the person we're in a committed relationship with. As someone said yesterday (and the day before) you don't oops and slip naked into somebody repetitively.
In the words of Spike Lee - do the right thing! And if you can't, own up to it.

AppleBerryMIA said...

LMAO @ FairyTales and Unicorns ;-)
Add Skittles and rainbows too

baileyqc said...

I don't know Chele, I think it's worse if they have feelings for the other person. It's a whole other level of betrayal. But then again "It meant nothing" is pretty bad too. It's all bad.

Javalicious said...

Wow, thanks for sharing this. I don't advocate men hitting woman but I'd slap the shiggity out of her on your behalf.

LikeLena said...

Student Union was better than the National Enquirer for dishing dirt.

LikeLena said...

"Let me just explain..." Please do. (They never can)

CaliGirlED said...

All.Bad.

I mean which is worse being in love with a dog that doesn't care about hurting you and others, or being in love with someone who falls in love with someone else? Ouch.ouch.ouch, but MAYBE there's less anger with the latter....

All.Bad.

Steve said...

I know it's sexist but I think it's so much worse when women cheat. With men, there seems to be an expectation that a slip-up may happen. Again, I said I realize it's sexist. Can I get points for honesty?

CaliGirlED said...

Yeah I don't advocate men hitting women either, but I think I would've turned my head while he choked the s**t outta her!

OneChele said...

You can get a side-eye for honesty. But thanks for sharing.

CaliGirlED said...

Hell No!!! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Hell No!!! LOL

OneChele said...

Appreciate the sharing. That's unfortunate. I've actually never known a man to forgive a woman caught in the act.

OneChele said...

True. It all sucks.

OneChele said...

H/T to 90s music!

OneChele said...

One step up from the cafeteria in High School. Or like Twitter for adults!

OneChele said...

LOL - not your sister saw me with her?!

OneChele said...

No he did NOT airquote "official"?! This is how hot grits happen, ladies and gentlemen.

Jason P said...

Aw bruh, I'll cut you slack. But um, you sure stuck your neck out there a little bit.
On the real, guys think we are our womens' everything so we can't imagine why they would cheat. But women are complicated creatures. I just do what I do and hope for the best.

rozb said...

Ha! yes, I agree...

thinklikeRiley said...

You spoke true. Women supposed to be nurturing, caring and ish. Stay yall asses at home (when you get home from work)
Yeah I said it. Who mad?

thinklikeRiley said...

That's cuz we don't. Scandalous asses. You cheat, you gone.

thinklikeRiley said...

You ain't never lied.

rozb said...

O_o Really?!?! If you realize that it is sexist, then why not live in reality? Hurt is hurt, no matter how it's sliced, whether you are a man or a woman. When I enter into a relationship, I do not go into it thinking, "Hmm - this ninja just might try smashing someone on the side. I better keep a close eye on him, and be prepared to forgive or move on." What is the point, then, of even getting into a relationship if you always expect heinous behavior from day one?

I believe that in the beginning of a relationship everyone bats 1000. When shiggity goes down, you can honestly say that you trusted him or her, gave it a fair chance, then keep it moving.

JaymeC said...

I see Riley is doing the very most today. And Steve not far behind.
Girl these fellas on here!
I think you put this in an earlier post - Cheating = bad, Fidelity = good. That. is. All.

Grace said...

I'm sure given enough time, Chele will address phrases like "I know it's sexist but" immediately followed by a completely sexist comment.

CaliGirlED said...

I'm not mad cause I know your ass is CRAZY!!!

"Stay yall asses at home (when you get home from work)", now that's funny!

Grace said...

You are doing the most today.

rozb said...

When I asked the guy I was seeing if he was seeing anyone else he tried to pull a Bill Clinton on me by asking, "What do you mean by seeing?" I said, "I'm not talking about seeing someone in a Stevie Wonder way, MF! Are you screwing anybody else?" He got all indignant and snotty, as if it was an insult to imply that he was cheating. I told him my Spidey senses were tingling. He said no, but 7 months later, he had to tell me about another woman having his baby. And he only told me because a friend of mine ran into him while he was toting him around and she was giving him hot laser beam side eye. He called 10 minutes before she did, but it didn't alleviate the hurt he caused me. He thought it made it better by saying, "We weren't in an "official" relationship anyway, and it was an accident." Yes, he did air quotes with his fingers. I wanted to sic my rottweiler on him, but figured just get him out of your life. It still took some time being in denial, and trying to work through the hurt, but he is history - really dull, bad history.

Hm - what kind of accident makes you fall up in a woman with no condom on and impregnate her? BTW - he was with her because he didn't have to wear one - she told him she was on BC (or so he said - ain't never talked to her.) He had to wear them with me, because, I live smart like that. In my eyes he became the Jack of All Asses.

Grace said...

And skillets upside the head. Oh sorry, that's been modernized to golf clubs now, right?

AppleBerryMIA said...

LMAO - right!

AppleBerryMIA said...

"Do what you do and hope for the best" <-- further clarification needed.

AppleBerryMIA said...

They really can't

rozb said...

I concur. "Stay y'all asses at home (when you get home from work)" Riley - you are too much!

Pretty P said...

"A friend is going to respect your relationship and make your SO feel comfortable around them." Co-sign completely.

Pretty P said...

I also got a feeling something wasn't right w/an ex and asked about a particular ex of his who was "just a friend". He asked, "why you always think I'm up to no good?" with a sly smile on his face. Lesson learned: if the person gets very defensive or tries to make you feel some kind of way about yourself for asking perfectly reasonable questions (as opposed to reassuring you that there is no reason to be suspicious), they're probably guilty.

Derek Love said...

Science.

CaliGirlED said...

They're definitely guilty! And if you ask someone a question (you didn't whisper or studder) and they reply, "Huh?", know that the answer you get is 90% likely to be a lie!

Derek Love said...

Did ninja add "when you get home from work"?

Derek Love said...

There's GOT to be an easier way.

diamond life said...

Dude - who dates you?

YardieChicie said...

Neither do I. Yet so many women think it's a part of Woman Law to forgive and keep a cheating partner.

I'm a woman, and I don't understand that line of thinking.

YardieChicie said...

*snickers*

CaliGirlED said...

Yes ninja did! He ain't right! Not to worry D, we here in Bougieland know that Riley is touched. Acutally he's very amusing! LOL

Aisha said...

He knew he was busted the minute he saw her so he raced the hell home to get to me before she called. Idiot.

GrownAzzMan said...

Not every time. Sometimes even then they want to try and work it out. Or so I've heard...

Man's World said...

Okay I never share but I have the perfect "how could she do this to ME" story for this one. After the fourth person told me that my girl was bouncing up and down on her ex every time my back was turned, I confronted her. I got the "he's just a friend" line followed up with "you're being paranoid." Okay, maybe I was but I was taught when you have the feeling something ain't right... something ain't right. I went all supersleuth and followed her from work one day. Straight to his house she went. Ten minutes later I ring the doorbell, he swings open door, she's already half naked on the couch. All I said was "This is me being paranoid." Boxed up her stuff, put it next to the Dumpster. She sends text, "Sorry couldn't help myself, but I still love you." Me, "Great way to show it."Done.
BTW, if she had come clean when I first asked, might've got past it. Probably not but maybe. Catching her in the act? No going back.

GrownAzzMan said...

I bet it has happened somewhere sometime but I would rather spend my time looking for bigfoot.

GrownAzzMan said...

HUH?

CaliGirlED said...

You are so crazy! LOL

Evansaw said...

If you are in a relationship with a man and he tells you, "She just a friend", chances are:
1. He tried for more and she wasn't interested.
2.She is just a friend but if it doesn't work out with you he is keeping his options open.

CaliGirlED said...

Even that statement, "She's/He's just a friend" is not enough for me. Raise your hand if you've ever had sex with someone who was "just a friend"? *raises her hand*

So what is that statement really saying? Not a damn thang!

GammasWorld said...

Gamma done blogged about all her other childhood drama but never talked about the "love of my life" whose other woman called me at work to tell me she was pregnant. It hurts like hell to be cheated on but then to be broadsided from some chick I didn't even know existed but who knew enough about me to track me down at work was ... well, just well. I'm out of jail now with time off for good behavior.

(j/k about the jail sentence)

Seriously, if men and women aren't ready to be monogamous (if that's important to your partner) -- own up to it. Be straight with your need for the variety. Give your partner the dignity and the right to make the choice to be with you or not. I mean there are people out there that will agree to be one of two/three/four ... you never know. Your sneakiness and selfishness keeps you in child status while you're steady talkin out the side of your neck about being a grown azzed man/woman.

Oh and for the record "he/she meant nothing to me" always deserves a "neither did I apparently" response.

maureen palmer said...

This might be putting too much out there, oh well, such is life. So I was at this ninja’s house polishing both of our mid-terms papers and him on the phone talking to his boy providing sordid detail how it went down with his ex (they dated in high school). Needless to say, what I heard hit like a brick, all I remember is shutting the computer and the next thing I knew I was in my apartment. No memories how got home safe; it was a rainy day, me crying the ugly cry and Michael Bolton on repeat. Of course, he denied it and made me to be the crazy one. Him, “you did not hear him b/c TV was on”. Ninja what?!?!?! The hardest part was; we took a class together (we were in the same school for undergrad) that semester. Seeing him twice a week for 90 minutes for the rest of semester was not easy. I had to do my best; I needed to pass that class.
I can say unequivocally, cheating does more harm than necessary and the pain is unbearable. I can take physically pain, emotional pain on the hand is too much for my ventricular system and arteries.

GrownAzzMan said...

Makes mental note to become better friends with CaliGirlED...LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! That was a good one!

CaliGirlED said...

Straight from the horse's mouth...OUCH! You seem to have recovered well. I know from experience that is an unbearable pain.

What did you do with his midterm paper?

happinessisme said...

Couldn't help myself? What,nah man.

Evansaw said...

"Hand Raised". You are right, I think most people say it, hoping to keep things civillized or, hoping and praying you won't pursue it. As my mom used to say, "them's fighting words".....

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