Thursday, September 09, 2010

Naked don't last all day

Step Yo' Game Up - bring more to the table than your bed game (or the promise of fierce bed game).

Sure, I'll admit it... I appreciate a talented, energetic, considerate bed partner as much as the next person. But as BougieMom is known to say, "You gotta get up sometime and then what?" Or as a friend of mine's Grandmama used to say, "Naked don't last all day. When you put those clothes on and have to do more than breathe heavy, whatcha got to say for yourself?" Amen.

I'm thoroughly sick of folks trading on their looks and sexability (yeah, I just made it up) like these are the only marketable commodities they possess. A person has got to be more than just the sum of their parts. All of their parts. Mental and physical. I could insert a few jokes about sex parts and size here but I'll keep those to myself. 

Ladies - your hotness will catch you a man. For now. To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right. If your entire trap and keep plan involves Kegels and a stripper pole, you have quite the awakening coming to you.

Fellas - we appreciate that you get down with the get down. Your ability to make a woman forget her own name and scream out yours is a talent for sure. But it's only one string to your bow, you can't play the whole fiddle with just one string.

Girls and Gents - Allow me to present five things that can be as sexy as great sex: 

1. Thirst for Knowledge - You don't have to be the smartest or the brightest, but you have to be agile with your mental game. Care about something other than rims and shoes. Read a newspaper. Too much? Okay - a magazine. Know about what's happening in the world beyond the latest video or Real Housewife scandal. Mental midgetry is less attractive and  harder to get rid of than toe fungus. I can't do anything with stupid. And even less with stupid that doesn't mind staying that way. Smart is the new sexy people - embrace it. (It was actually the old sexy too...)

2. Conversational Skills - Sure, I look at you with my eyes but my ears have the override code. I don't care how good you look, I need something to talk about over cold cereal on a  rainy day. Overheard in the Starbucks: "I gave her looks an A and her conversation an F." You don't have to be a brilliant orator, but have something to say. Find five things that interest you and find five things to say about each. Give me something other than the shrug (fellas) or the giggle (ladies). I am telling you that a less than attractive person who talks a good game has caused many a panty or boxer to hit the ground. 

3. Ambition + Drive - Nobody likes a lazy ass. I don't care how tight and fine that ass is. Get it up and get it moving. If you wash lettuce for a living, get out there and be the best damn lettuce washer ever seen... and see if you aren't slicing tomatoes by next month. Forget what you heard, freeloading ain't sexy. If you are over the age of 23 and not disabled in any way, you need to be hustling to pay for your own stuff. If someone wants to buy you things, great. You still need to work on that rainy day fund. Cause there's always gonna be a rainy day. Does anything say sexy quite like hustle?

4. A Hobby - I mean a REAL hobby. I once had a dude tell me that smoking the sticky-icky was his hobby. FAIL. Read, garden, watch sports, old movies, write a journal, cook, re-grout the bathtub, save the planet, swim with dolphins... do something semi-creative/productive for simple purpose of recreation and relaxation. I'll even let you fellas play Madden until 3:00am if it doesn't interfere with the rest of your world. A person who shows a passion for living in one area, generally shows it in others.

5. Honest Emotion - Nothing is as sexy as someone who knows who they are and what they believe. It's all the better if they are not afraid to share it, speak on it and act on it. Even if you disagree with their viewpoints, you have got to admire the utter realness of saying, "This is how I feel. Take it or leave it." Sometimes that much honesty is brutal to encounter but there's something to be said for always knowing where someone stands.

So what you say you BougieLand? Anything to add to my "sexier than sex" list? Thoughts, comments, feelings? The floor is yours.

54 comments:

rozb said...

BTW Chele, is the dude in the picture the same one from yesterday's post? Is he crying because he misses this? :)

blackprofessor said...

Great post! One addition - know your needs and wants! In addition to the five above, there is nothing sexier than a man telling me why he needs a woman and what his specific needs are!

OneChele said...

Can't be that hard to find, is it? Prayerworthy? Ha!

CaliGirlED said...

I concur, it ain't.

David Chase said...

This post is why I read this blog. Smart. Sexy. Informative. With comments that never fail to run the gamut. #bougielovefest

J B said...

Brava, Chele!

And may I add: saying that sex/women is your hobby = FAIL

CaliGirlED said...

Good morning Chele! As always, another great topic.

I've experienced all five of your "sexier than sexy", but not necessarily all in the same man. I would just like to add 6) Trustworthiness - Being able to trust the person that you are with is sooooo important. Trust: to commit to the care of another with assurance; firm reliance in the honesty, dependability, strength or character of someone....If I come across a man, who beyond the sexy, has all 6 of these, I will be able to EXHALE. Will he be perfect, yes, perfect for me!

Formerly known as MyasMom. LOL

Bookworm said...

Please don't forget #6,7... Humor beyond the physical. I loathe slapstick. Make me laugh without resorting to antics.

NYCesq said...

Brava...Can I also add get your clothes game together.

If you're a dude over the age of 21 yrs old lose the baseball cap...particularly if it's turned around. You look silly...not younger. If you're going bald, just own that or get some Rogaine. Women, exposing muffin tops, excessive cleavage and general jiggle ain't attractive or sexy. If you look like a hooker...guess how you'll be treated.

Onechele has said best, "just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you should buy it."

CaliGirlED said...

Yes Jayme!!! Let me just say that if he doesn't have a sense of humor, I'm not even looking for the sexy or the sexier than sexy!

All Honey said...

OMG: "If your entire trap and keep plan involves Kegels and a stripper pole, you have quite the awakening coming to you."
I. Am. Done.

Jason P said...

Do you know women with these characteristics PLUS the sexy? That's Mrs. Perry material.

ASmith said...

This x30.

CaliGirlED said...

BTW Chele, you always have the perfect pictures to compliment your topics, but this one may get me called into the office! Maybe if I wasn't looking at it and daydreaming, no one would notice it! LMAO!!!

*staring at the picture*

thinklikeRiley said...

Got plenty of time for all of this later. Right now, just need her to look good, do me correctly, make me a sammich and go home. Quietly.
Who mad?

Page Bartlett said...

She killed me with the "trap and keep"

JaymeC said...

Sense of humor! Add that to the list and you have built quite a person.
Love this post.

Liselle said...

Yes, please! Sense of humor and some basic common courtesy - I like the "nice" guys - you don't have to be all arrogant for me.

Page Bartlett said...

Do tell?

Page Bartlett said...

The "saints" always say it best.

Page Bartlett said...

You knew that was going to happen!

AppleBerryMIA said...

I'm stealing it! Matter of fact, someone should put it in a song!

J B said...

We'd call those "marathon sessions"....more like 48 hours....but he had 1-5 as listed above by Chele going for him long before the gymnastics started.

I so miss the old days....

Man's World said...

Well this is just mean. A brother did not wake up wanting to hear your mature and well thought out theory. A brother wants naked to last all day. Followed by a sandwich. And football. Shower. Sleep and then start all over again. ;)
Great post!

rozb said...

A person could try actually having a life that does not include being stitched to your side like some bizarre Frankenstein experiment. I love coming home at the end of the day and have something separate to talk about. This includes having some friends that may not be in the "circle" or interests that may not always be the exact same thing.

You don't have to go around petting dolphins or feeding the hungry in Africa, but living an independent life is an adventure in itself. Have broad horizons!

michaeldavis said...

"I look at you with my eyes but my ears have the override code." <-- THIS.RIGHT.HERE

Of course "skills" are needed if the relationship goes that far, but the woman that has something to say and an interesting way of saying it will win me over. Intellectual curiosity is so underrated these days, but one of the most endearing qualities a woman can possess. Pull me out of my comfort zone sometimes.

Stank_0 said...

I have to agree. I'm a talker about anything that I happen to see, read, or hear about. Lucky the gf is as well. It works.

Everyone loves the no pants dance, but it can't (or shouldn't) be an all day affair. I got other bidness to attend to.

It's just somethin about the older timers sayings that make them timeless and yet contemporary. My granny on my mama nem side (RIP) had sayings that my mama passed to us. We still use them.

Nicky G said...

One Chele......I can cosign all of the above...

However, you lost points in Bougie-tude for me when you wrote the line," if you are over the age of 23 and not disabled in any way." I am over the age of 23, WITH A DISABILITY, and I never used that as an excuse to say that I don't want to work.(I have worked in the past and am now a full time student on scholarship doing a Bachelor's)The fact is that while there are some people with disabilites who cannot work, the majority of persons with disabilites do want to work but more often than not are not GIVEN the chance to show what they can do by employers who assume that having a disability correlates with not having the drive/ability to get the job done. Please don't buy into the stereotype. I know that your bougie brain is much more educated and liberated than that.

OneChele said...

You know someone just sent me an email saying sex is their hobby. Le Boo.

glamah@cococooks said...

Like most things , sex can get old and tired . Give me a great mind, sense of humour, and great conversation to keep the spark alive. And that makes the sex and relationship more interesting.

And both of you have to have your own separate interests too. So important. No need to be stuck at the hip.

Thank you for saying....

"To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right."

Steve said...

I got other bidness to attend to. Yes sir. Let's do what we want to do so we can get to what we have to do.

datdudeincali said...

Ha! For the record, I have tried the 24 hours of naked thing - it takes hydration, flexibility and stamina - rather exhausting. So yeah - we must have something to discuss because life is more than a stroke game.

yourgirlC said...

"To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right."

Chele girl, I have heard it all now! LOL!

CaliGirlED said...

If she like it, I love it. SMDH, Riley you are a mess! LOL

BB Waite said...

I had to go look up Kegels. Folks put a name on keeping the kit-kat in shape? Hmm.
Let me co-sign and go find my husband.

OneChele said...

LOL - he does look like dude from yesterday!

CaliGirlED said...

LOL @ "keeping the kit-kat in shape"!!!

MidwestDominicana said...

halle lu yer.

Troy said...

*falls to knees* Dear Lord, let me find a woman whose high intellect matches her bed game. And be pleasant and honest too?! Sold.

true2me said...

Have a specialty like being able to be a good baker, cook good, fix a car, do hair...SOMETHING. It means you have some sort of passion.

I also like you to have a special INTEREST like do you love sci-fi, horror, shakespear. ..SOMETHING that makes you different from the norm.

Anyone can have a degree and like to have action

Hannington said...

LMAO. This here is why I didnt bother calling the cougar who came on to me Saturday. Too hard and probably didn't want anything other than performing penis calisthetics. Most guys would go for that, but not for me

maureen palmer said...

"kit-kat in shape" I cant. ROFLMAO!

derek love said...

This is just smartly written truth.

derek love said...

It ain't easy.

maureen palmer said...

Chele, with all due respect you should consider writing for some of these rappers on the air wave. "To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right. If your entire trap and keep plan involves Kegels and a stripper pole, you have quite the awakening coming to you." I can't. laughing so hard, excerbating my headache. I'm going to step away from bougie (some of the comments are on ultra) for a quick moment.

MochaMuffin said...

This is why I'm okay with the Bougie Breaks - cuz you come back kickin'. Spittin' truth like it's supposed to be told! Preach! *gets our church fan and starts rocking back and forth*

Trudy said...

The thing is, there are many women out there when only sex matters to them. I've had conversations with them at past jobs. They would not even date men unless they had certain penis sizes. So when some men approach women with the stupid sex-driven belief that he can be dumb, unemployed, not well read or have zero interests (or maybe just sports), as long as he is (or usually "thinks" he is) skilled sexually, he isn't that far fetched. There are women who only care about sex game/penis size, body shape and haircut. I hate to even admit that I've even talked to women like that. For the record, my actual friends aren't. Heh.

Anyway, a guy approaching me with the "I have sex game" stuff would get laughed out of the restaurant, move theatre, library...wherever I met him. I really don't care. I am more interested in the type of person he is (kind, witty, sarcastic, introvert) and I am not that understanding when it comes to thirst for knowledge/intelligence like you are. They must be superior in that area. And to be clear, this has nothing to do with profession or money for me. They simply have to be almost impeccably intelligent, whether rich or poor (not overly relevant).

Great post. I really enjoy your blog.

phenomenallybouge said...

sex can get old and tired

Does.Not.Compute...Does.Not.Compute...Does.Not.Compute!

SBChitownChick said...

I went through a "sex me and see yourself out" phase, fun while it lasted. Now I need more. So, how tacky would it be to print this out, hand it to a guy and say - you got that?

JustPassingBy said...

The picture is the hotness though.

David Chase said...

Um...

CaliGirlED said...

I am so feeling you on this!

Renee6461 said...

Our SisterChele is speaking in general terms; don't take the comment so literally. Have you ever heard the phrase "Eat the fish and spit out the bones."
Geeze!

Ineedmoney said...

I know I'm late... but let me say this.... #2.... disability don't even count! Unless you are DEAD, you better have a hustle, or you can kick rocks!!!... I gotta friend that is a deaf mute and that brotha works his butt off to take care of his girls... and he does NOT depend on ssi/ssd... to handle his business. So disabilities don't even get a pass from me!!!

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