Tuesday, September 21, 2010

In this episode of Ask a Bougie Chick: They Quit Black People!

Well, the one good thing about being laid up is that you have time to catch up on your reading. The bad thing is if you decide to catch up on your email and it's full of CRAY-ZEE. Well, not all crazy. Some are just very impassioned about their viewpoints. When I find two letters that are perfect point/counterpoint to each other - I have to share. Let me just present them and ya'll go in...
Michele, 
I'm a successful, good looking black single black man with my own home living outside of Atlanta. I know you and the BnB people will have plenty to say and maybe it will change my mind but I doubt it. Long story short, I'm not dating black women any more. They only want me for one thing (money) and apparently I don't have enough of that for them. I'm tired of playing the games when I have women of other races throwing themselves at me and actually wanting me for me. I've had so many bad experiences with "the sisters" that they really aren't even attractive to me any more. Maybe if there was one that looked and acted less black, she could still get considered. Really just wrote to see what you had to say about it.
-Gerald K. 
Gerald. Dude.
Here's what I have to say... Deuces.
Missing you already,
Michele (on behalf of The Sisterhood)
p.s. Did you seriously say maybe if someone looked or acted "less black"? You are excused from BougieLand. 
Hey OneChele,
After my last relationship broke up, I came to a really hard decision. I gave up on dating black men for a while and decided to try something else. Everything with black men is just dramatic and painful but my interactions with white guys have been easy. The white guy I'm dating now just treats me so well, it's like a whole different world. Our backgrounds are completely different but it doesn't seem to matter. He gets me. It's so perfect with him, it's almost scary. I always thought I'd end up with a brother but I think I've found what I've been looking for. What really makes me angry is all the attitude and anger I'm getting from people. It's 2010 and still I'm getting the "swirl" backlash. Just, really - what do you think?
-Name Withheld from San Diego
San Diego,
What do I think about what? You need to get love where you find love. If you found someone you're happy with, go with that and damn what anyone has to say about it. But um - the thought that life is going to be so much easier and happier in the "non-black" side of dating scene... let that go. People are people. It may be a good idea to take a look at what destroyed your previous relationships and make sure you didn't drag any of that into your new "perfect" world. Good luck!
~Michele

So um... people still think happiness comes wrapped in one specific color huh? Still don't realize that the problem may be them, no matter who they date? BougieLand, it's all yours. What do you have to say to Gerald and San Diego? Please get them told...

144 comments:

JaymeC said...

Well, well, well. This level of ignorance has me on FULL boil this morning.
These two have problems that have nothing to do with skin color and everything to do with self-hate and narrow-minded foolishness. If they truly believe that the cure-all for their woes is to cut out their own race- just wow.
If they find someone (of any race) that they can be happy and whole with, I say lock it down but I suspect they'll keep encountering the same issues down the road.
Sad actually.

Violet Rose said...

I kinda want to take a step back and ask "They still make you?" to both of these folks.
I love (pure sarcasm) how Gerald just HAD to list his credentials at the beginning of the letter to make sure we know just what a catch we're missing out on. What he's really saying is that he finds it easier to date white woman because he somehow thinks their motives are more pure? REALLY?
May you marry a woman who get all yo' shit in the divorce settlement the rest of us can see coming from here.
As for San Diego, girl did you see Something New? Trying to live out your own? Have at it but don't assume it's all black or white (literally).

Tania said...

Long time lurker... My problem with them both is that they make it sound like white people are these mystical magical creatures who will do no wrong as opposed to the big, bad people of color who have brought themso much woe. It's ignorant and dangerous thinking.
I say this as someone who is biracial and struggles to define myself as either/or. I definitely don't believe the "white half" of myself is the better half or vice versa, I just am,
These letters make me a little tired and queasy. It is 1956?

Javalicious said...

Neither of them will be missed.

Mocha Dude Speaks said...

Both of these letters make me wanna holla, throw up both my hands.

FreeBlackMan said...

What fresh hell? Two black people write a black woman on a black blog to say they quit black people? And they want us to say what? No, please don't go. Come back. We'll do right by you this time? GTFOH and turn it your black pass on the way out.
As if we don't enough gotdurn issues without these uncle tomming mofos.
We don't CARE if you date white people. But PLEASE quit acting like dating the rainbow is like discovering the cure for cancer up in this bitch.
I'm actually starting to get pissed off, so I'm out.
When you post stuff like this, it makes me crazy but then I get it because we need to see that fn ignorance is still a contagious disease out in dem streets. Noted.
FBM out.

Monique said...

Regardless of what race either party is, drama knows no bounds. If your relationship is good and works, then go for it. I don't think its necessary to highlight the fact that the person you are dating a is non-black if you are black.

daisy said...

I'm engaged to an Italian man. Not because the black man I dated before him did me wrong but because he approached me, we got along and it's working for me. But guess what? Like Chele said, same shiggity I dragged into the last relationship came with me into this one. I made the conscious decision to make this work.
And who gives a damn if folks look sideways from time to time? I gotta do what makes me happy in this world.

Rob said...

Hasn't Chele said a million times, get love where you find love. It ain't easy. If you found it, grab it and hold on no matter what package it comes in.
What's with the public pronouncement of "iQuit Y'all darkies"? That's the piece that pisses me off. Go do you and good luck with that.

LikeLena said...

My thoughts exactly. Why are we announcing this? It's because they want some sort of validation or congratulations. Last I saw, Cheaters and Divorce Court was full of all flavors and shades.

Leon X said...

To Gerald: You're a "black single black man" and maybe if black women acted "less black" they could get some consideration?

*Cartoon Eye Blink*

So are you saying that while you are black you don't "act black?" I hate to question people's intelligence, but do you realize how dumb that sounds?

Dear San Diego Woman: There is nothing wrong with dating whomever you wish to date. Just remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Just ask the black woman who led Dr. Laura Schlesinger to her "nigger" rant.

OneChele said...

I didn't even notice when I cut and paste that he said "black single black man". I just double checked to make sure it wasn't my typo. Nope. Freudian slip perhaps?

MeetCharlieL said...

San Diego is just kinda sad. Like she needs someone to tell her it's okay.

Gerald on the other hand? Bruh, you cannot seriously believe that black women are any more mercenary than other women? Really Black?

Leon X said...

I think I'll start referring to myself as a "black single black man" for funsies.

Cassie said...

Try as I might, I cannot figure out a way NOT to be offended by Gerald's comments. First we're all money hungry but wait, if we look and act less black - he'll give us a shot?
Don't hold your breath waiting for us to line up.

San Diego, bless your heart.

Ms_Toni said...

LOL!!!! @ Gerald thinking that the women from other races don't want him for his money either. Poor fella. Hope that works out for you.

FreeBlackMan said...

Yes, from now on I believe I want to be known as Black Free Black Man - double my blackness, ya dig?

michaeldavis said...

What this tells me is that the two letter writers do not have a diverse group of friends. If they did, they would know that we all have the same problems and enjoy similar things. The only difference is that you will likely be exposed to a different culture. It's sad - and do they get out much?

rozb said...

I love this: "Gerald. Dude.
Here's what I have to say... Deuces." I would have added BEEYOTCH!

Act less "black"? Really?!?!? How 'bout you act less "A-hole". That might be an issue here.

Seriously though - I suspect that Gerald was always telling someone that he is successful, has his own home, and good-looking. I think he is blind to the fact that the other women are treating him the same way - he just does not want to see it. Gerald - you say that you no longer date Sisters - like that is a bad thing. Grow up. Take ownership of your own flaws - if everyone around you (all Sisters) seem to be having issues, it isn't them. And stop dangling all your keys in folks' faces - it does not impress. Some Sister probably told him "I got keys too, Ninja! GTFOH!"

As for San Diego, she may only have perceptions of hate for her swirl, depending on how she carries herself in the first place. If you go out on a date as if you are lurking, or ashamed to be there, then you are going to get a boo-boo face or two. Put your grown woman panties on and own up to your decision to date other ethnicities, instead of acting ashamed or treating your date as a last resort. I could give a flying hoo-ha what anyone thinks of my dating choices, as long as I am happy. San Diego, learn how to tell people to kick rocks instead of writing letters to try to help you confirm if you are doing the right thing.

beautifulcurare said...

Like everyone else, I don't understand the whole announcement thing. Who cares if you've decided to date a person of another color? Not I; however, it always pisses me off that folks think dating outside their race is a cure-all for their issues. Folks need to stop getting into these interracial relationships out of spite, 'cause it's just plain ignorant.

Leon X said...

Double the blackness, double the fun!

diamond life said...

I'm so conflicted. Do they need a big hug or memorable slap?

Reads4Pleasure said...

You do realize the initials for that are BSBM, right? I'll call you BS for short

FlirtyNerd said...

Gerald- Where are you meeting these money-hungry women? If that's the only "type" of black woman that you're attracting, maybe you should examine the common denominator (you) and change up how/when/where you're meeting these chicks. But since you've already decided to give up on black women, all I can say is "So long, farewell...Auf Wiedersehen..goodbyeee!" and I wonder what will happen when you meet a non-black woman who "only wants you for your money".

San Diego- Same advice I gave to Gerald. If every single relationship you've had with black men has been full of drama, maybe you should take inventory of the common thread (you again). And if your interactions with white men have been sooooo marvelous, could it be that you're behaving differently with them because of your past experiences with black men?

Deb B said...

They both act like they just discovered The Secret.
My divorce from a non-black man was final six months ago. Know what I learned?
Trifling men come in all colors.
No shade. Trifling women holding their own United Nations.
Don't get it twisted, if your relationships are failing, I'd look at EVERYthing besides race first.

CaliGirlED said...

Before I indulge with my fellow Bougienistas let me just ask, did he really say, "she could still get considered"? Oh gee thanks Gerald! I promise I won't let you down!...Get the @#&% outta here!!!...Ok let me see what you guys had to say.

Pretty P said...

I'm still *thoroughly* confused as to why some black men think golddiggers don't come in the white variety (or any other besides black women)... Anyway, your advice to both is right on point. Congratulations to both of you on your ummmm...epiphanies...lol.

Steve said...

I can't be the only person wanting to tell these to two to get real, grow up and go sit down?

Andrea M said...

Gerald - Michele said it all nice. I'm country ghetto: Don't let the doorknob hit cha where the Good Lord split ya.

San Diego, aw sweetie. Nothing is "perfect" - you don't know that yet?

Frenchie said...

I am currently in a relationship w/ a white guy after a break up with an African American guy. It was a long term, loving relationship that didn't work not a reflection on all black man. I'd like to start off by saying that my relationship with a white or black man does not reflect on my identity or my perception of my own people. My blackness isn't defined by who I date. I detest the term "black love" because it makes it seem as if a healthy relationship involving 2 black ppl is an anomaly. I also detest the "interracial" relationship b/c it allows others 2 define a complex interaction between 2 people based on something as simplistic as race.

With that being said, both the 2 excerpts bothered me because they expose a sense of racial inferiority/superiority as if the success or failure of your relationship depends on how "white" your mate is. I've had great relationships with black men and bad ones with white men and vice versa. A relationship built on such faulty foundation is bound to fail. However, it's important to note that not all relationships are based on rejecting black people. Sometimes you find happiness in the most unexpected place. Neck-rolling form the sistahs and slick comments from the brothas isn't going to suddenly make someone want to come "back to black". On the contrary, it makes black people seem ignorant, close-minded, and whollly unappealing as mates.

If you're taking care of home, you wont have time to consider the racial dynamics of someone elses relationship.

CaliGirlED said...

"May you marry a woman who get all yo' shit in the divorce settlement..." You said it right there!

Mr. Skyywalker said...

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
Can we get BougieLand to say Amen?

CaliGirlED said...

You killed me with, "What fresh hell?"...Gotta use that one!

I turned over in my grave with, "Two black people write a black woman on a black blog to say they quit black people? And they want us to say what? No, please don't go. Come back. We'll do right by you this time?"

They can't be serious! But unfortunately like you said, we need to see that this thinking is still current!

Mr. Skyywalker said...

I was married to a Hispanic woman, have a baby by a White woman then dated a Asian woman and am now engaged to a Black woman. Beyond revealing my doggish past, I have a point. What's different beyond the cultures? Me.
I'm a better damn person than I was with the others. It's not a case that the sister saved my ass but that I found her and she found me when we fit. Had she met me ten years ago, she might have run screaming "Ninjas ain't shit!" into the blogosphere too.

CaliGirlED said...

I looked twice at "black single black man" and I wondered was he making a statement? Just a dumb ass trying not to forget to make absolutely positively sure that he let Chele know that he was black. Ninja your name is Gerald!

datdudeincali said...

Feel like I should pass the offering plate after that good testimony!

datdudeincali said...

No, you are not alone. (cue MJ)

Leon X said...

I prefer BM thank you very much.

datdudeincali said...

Anytime you find yourself in a relationship as a reaction or correction to the last one, you're on the wrong path.

datdudeincali said...

Combination of both?

datdudeincali said...

And now the DoubleMint commercial is stuck in my head. Thanks, Leon.

Reads4Pleasure said...

I'm going to just leave that alone, especially knowing what BM could stand for.

datdudeincali said...

Dr. Jayme, knowing that relationship psychology is your field - do you encounter a lot of this thinking still?

Joy Andrews said...

Amen.

OneChele said...

Y'all stupid.

Joy Andrews said...

Well, I've been dogged over by the whole damn Rainbow Coalition. Nothing changed until I recognized the pattern of "fine but fickle" men I'd been dating. Color meant dada.

rozb said...

A-YAY-MEN!!!

OneChele said...

You must know Southern Folks. We are big on "that don't mean da-da" round these parts ;-)

Joy Andrews said...

Or even watch TV?

ASmith said...

::waves at Bougie Land::

::steps on box::

Is homeboy freaking kidding me? PLEASE STEP INTO 2010 AND GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A**.

::breathe::

Date who you want to. Have preferences. But don't claim your preferences have ANYTHING to do with an entire group. Less'n you date every available black woman don't go off making wide-sweeping generalizations. People tend to date the same person over and over. Different bodies, same person. Then they come back saying they're so tired of this, that, or the third.

I can think of 10 black women I know right now who are single, available and not gold diggers. Did I mention they're single? Yeah. Ok.

I can't say anything else but get your head out of your a** and meet some new people.

Homegirl, on the other hand, needs to ask folks to go play in traffic. My experience says the truth of the matter is that a LOT of naysayers are jealous. They want to step out and try something new but are too afraid. Sometimes you can tell that's all it is, but a lot of times it's not so obvious. In any case, this isn't their relationship or their life. Traffic awaits.

CaliGirlED said...

"the whole damn Rainbow Coalition" and ""fine but fickle" men", great points!

Carey Jackson said...

Yes! ASmith back in BougieLand. Where ya been?
Oh and cosignage!

Carey Jackson said...

Yeah-men.

Carey Jackson said...

Now this is truth!

OneChele said...

Y'all killing me with the new pics and names. FYI, this is SBChitownChick looking all tan and sexy in her new pic. Get it!

GammasWorld said...

I ain't got no time for this mess today ... y'all handling it ... continue. Will check in after hours.

CaliGirlED said...

I hear ya Gamma! LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

I.Just.Can't. with either of these two. Deuces to both of you. I will no quietly read the comments.

David Chase said...

This reminds me of the non-Black woman who approached me and after a few minutes of conversation wanted to know if I had a criminal record. :-| Instead of going left, I explained to her that Black men being criminals was an unfortunate stereotype. Like say, White women being clueless. Mean and evil stereotypes that a few people are holding down.
Sounds like both Gerald (we see you bruh) and San Diego might be more wrapped up in the illusion then the reality. I expect we'll get follow-up questions in 12 months or less.

GrownAzzMan said...

Vaya con freakin dios to both of them. You raise some excellent points. Both of them believe their issues are the other people.

AppleBerryMIA said...

Nice new pic!

AppleBerryMIA said...

And Amen.

JaymeC said...

Unfortunately, a lot more than I'd like. People have one or two bad experiences and decide the problem is with that group, not them.

Liselle said...

Gerald. Dude.
Here's what I have to say... Deuces.
Missing you already,
Michele (on behalf of The Sisterhood)


Nuff said. *packs up and leaves BougieLand for the day*

Evansaw said...

We need to refer these two to your post from the 17th, "I don't think you can handle me" & othe... Everytime I hear somebody complaining that they can't find anybody of their race to date, I start looking for the crazy. Black, White, Brown, Yellow or Red, if you feel like everybody in your race has a problem and you can no longer deal, maybe the problem is you. There is nothing wrong with loving whomever you love, but don't use race as an excuse for not being able to find someone willing to put up with your ish.

Evansaw said...

I am sure it was not the money that was turning them off. He sounds like a conceited B.

michaeldavis said...

a lot of the people that talk like the MALE (cause I will not say "brother") listed above are corny and shallow as h--l. All they are IS their job, and think people should worship them because they have one. a male who " has his own home" ... AND? he forget to add dense and shallow to his self-description. I hope you don't have an adjustable rate mortgage or get laid off dude. Just sayin'

GrownAzzMan said...

Liselle, just wondering no comments for 'sista in San Diego'?

CaliGirlED said...

"...Black men being criminals was an unfortunate stereotype. Like say, White women being clueless."

*applauds*

CaliGirlED said...

Liselle don't leave! LOL

MelaninEnriched said...

Well, this is the first time visiting this blog. So far, the posters are hilarious!

One question: Exactly, what is "acting less-black?" OR, what is "acting black", period?

But, on topic:

Gerald- I also live in ATL and I hear BM say things similarly quite frequently. Here is the thing, with ALL the abundance of BW down here, you want us to believe that you can't find ONE who is what you're looking for?? 'Gro please! If you were a BW (in ATL), I'd have a little more sympathy, but this is ridiculous! If you're driving the SL55 AMG to Lenox and women start trying to talk to you, maybe you should drive the Honda next time. I always think it's funny when BM mention how BW only want them for their money. That's a discussion I'm going to leave alone....but ask Michael Strahan how much his ex-wife (White) got in the divorce? Anyway, just say you would prefer to date non-black women and keep it moving. So freakin' what?? I'm so tired of BM blaming BW for why they can't find anybody. As my cousin says, if it stinks everywhere you go, it's probably you. Kick rocks!

San Diego- That's great that you're happy. I've dated (seriously) a WM as well, and the dynamic IS different. That's all I'll say. But, crazy comes in all shades. I hope he continues to make you happy.

bluassassin said...

I was always told that if you keep attracting the same type of people, that it's not the metal (people), it's the magnet (you). Gerald's introduction tells me that he is boastful about his wealth & status and therefore divulges that before anything else. What else is there for them to be attracted to?

As for Ms. San Diego, hope things work out for her. She seems a little Bambi-ish with the whole maybe-the-white-man-will-treat-me-better thing.

Liselle said...

Sistah in San Diego - white ain't always right. But good luck to you.

beautifulcurare said...

Exactly!

jake said...

BougieLand, I'm not one to come in and be the representative from the Vanilla coalition.
Especially since for the past eight years I've only dated female descendants from the African diaspora. Not saying I wouldn't date a white woman but I like what I like.

Think I don't take shit and get side-eyes for it? In the words of OneChele - I gibbadam.

But anytime you completely exclude a group of people from your selection process, aren't you making it harder on yourself?

Let me get on over to Georgia and see what Gerald don't want. *packs bags, peace sign up*

OneChele said...

Welcome! Yes, many days the comments far outpace the posting. Amen.

OneChele said...

One day I should probably do a post about who are what they do and that's it. What happens when you no longer do that?

Stank_0 said...

I'm going to attempt to NOT act up on here. Pray for me!

I noticed the qualifiers in both emails. I have some serious reservations that Gerald cannot find a single black women in ATL. Bruh, you do realize you are in the Shangri-la of black women right? Brothas get whiplash from all the fineness down there. So I'm extremely skeptical about that.

I will say this for SD. I know I'm difficult to be with (more stubborn than an old mule) so there's probably some truth to her struggles on dating black men. I can't co-sign the "dramatic and painful" part though. Sounds too General Hospital-ish to me.

I would say the "perfection" is merely that she's not in sync with his normal customs and routines. White men aren't that much different than black men or Asian men or Hispanic men, etc. . We all like the same thing: women. We just go about that goal very differently.

I also get the feeling that both don't want to give up, they want to be convinced to come back in the fold.

OneChele said...

Jake - you watch out there now. Be careful with those Georgia Peaches ;-)

OneChele said...

Excellent comment! Your last sentence is one I've been mulling over all day. But who wants to sell folks on their own people?

Earthangel172 said...

The irony of Gerald's letter is that he starts off stating what he has and then complains about sisters only wanting him for what he has! Funny stuff....Love you reply OneChele!!

GDB said...

What, no....

San Diego. Chick.
Here's what I have to say... Deuces.
Missing you already,
Michele (on behalf of The Sisterhood)

Eye Candy said...

Um yeah (starts smiling), you let us know when you coming on through. For a friendly bougie meet n greet...

Eye Candy said...

Print and repeat.

Eye Candy said...

We've been swimming in the same pool: "fine and fickle" for real though.

OneChele said...

And this right here is what I love about this blog. Thanks for sharing.
In addition to illustrating a point it also shows people that evolution can happen.
You can be slapworthy in one relationship and then pull it together to be good in another or even the same one if given the opportunity. Not everything is so cut and dried.
Bloom and grow people. Bloom and grow.

GDB said...

"iQuit Y'all darkies"? LMAO

Page Bartlett said...

Hey, didn't we used to take numbers or form a line when available bougenificence rolls into town?
Chele - wasn't there a process?!

Earthangel172 said...

Amen!!!

Page Bartlett said...

Stealing "bloom and grow"

ConvertingMe said...

Gerald,

First, if the only kind of "black women" that you are meeting are "money hungry". Stay out of the strip club.

Second, if you think the "other women" don't want to take you for all your worth - then you are a twice damned fool. Just because the "other women" have different tactics than the "black women" doesn't mean they aren't after your money.

Money hungry women are attracted to the fool who shows off his money. Stop flashing your wealth and you may meet a different type of woman.

San Diego,

You know how they say "Man Up" to a weak man?

Sister, go grow a back bone and walk down the street like you are upright and happy.

GDB said...

Isn't that a Jay-Z song: girls, girls, girls I do adore?

Earthangel172 said...

LOL @ What's with the public pronouncement of "iQuit Y'all darkies"?

CaliGirlED said...

And judging from your name, you are going to fit right in! I love it!!!

Paul on Ice said...

Wow. I mean wow. Not only at the post but the comments. It's church, Oprah, The Real World and CNN Presents up in here.

Let me flip the script. In college, I was accused of ONLY dating "non-black" women. It wasn't my intention, it just kinda fell that way for a year and a half. By the time I got out of those situations, half the sisters on campus gave me what Chele calls the laser-beam side-eye and the other were like "don't even try it". I literally had to campaign to get a coffee date with a black woman. So in that situation, it would have been all too easy to just say "Eff it" and keep moving.

Not seeing I agree with Gerald or Scared in San Diego, just saying I see what's up.

CaliGirlED said...

"Let me get on over to Georgia and see what Gerald don't want. *packs bags, peace sign up*"

LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

I agree with Chele about your last sentence. So to Gerald, Chele we'll stick with "Deuces!".

SD needs some self esteem. Might help her deal with Black men better and help her not give a damn what others think about whoever she chooses to date.

But I'm no longer into convincing grown folks about anything. It is what it is.

queenome said...

Exactly. He defines himself by "stuff" and then is surprised that people want him for it.

queenome said...

A part of me wants to just tell them... you can always come home.

CaliGirlED said...

"Money hungry women are attracted to the fool who shows off his money."

*another round of applause*

queenome said...

For the record, nothing women like better then men that like them. It's just that easy.

queenome said...

Like the white guy who told me he thought all black women over the age of 20 had kids?

FlirtyNerd said...

You know it's hard for people to turn the microscope inward. But if we want to do better/be better/obtain better, then we must do a little introspection and change what we don't like.

JazzaBelleTress said...

I live in Atlanta and BM with this "elitist, holier than thou" attitude slays the crap out of me!!!! Thinking you're the bomb.com for doing things that you are SUPPOSED to do is just crazy. I don't know about you but in my household graduating from high school is the norm, going to and graduating from college is the norm, not having 50 million kids out of wedlock is the norm!!!! So spare me with the "i got a corporate job and 401k" speech.
BTW, Atlanta is home to tons of successful women so maybe if you stopped and tried to bring something more to the table than your depreciated Benz then you could find someone. If you live in Atlanta and can't find a woman. Something is definitely wrong with you sir!

queenome said...

Yeah, I was a little tart reading it too. Then I realized life was too short. Go with God Gerald.

OneChele said...

She is preaching from the Book of Bouge. Amen.

GrownAzzMan said...

I'm "difficult to be with (more stubborn than an old mule)" too. I ain't sellin nobody on nothin! Vaya con freakin' dios to both of these self-hatin idiots.

GrownAzzMan said...

I just can't leave it alone. I notice that in the comments today when its Gerald it's all shots fired and don't trip over anything on the way out. When it comes to San Diego, there seems to be more nodding acceptance and even some gentle co-sign. To me they are both evidencing the same sort of self-hatred and blame-others-for-my-choices behavior. So sistas of Bougieland, help me to understand the double-standard.

Crystal said...

i just do not get it! Why do people continue to blame other people for their choices!!! It is all about what you are attracting! If you say there are not good black men/woman then that is exactly what will show up in your life. It's like when men say all women are gold diggers, that is not true, only for you because you keep on saying that and your actions back up what you say, thus your attraction level to these types of people is high. You get what you give!!!!

CaliGirlED said...

You know what Gerald? I wasn't going to say anything but you asked a question, here you go:

Ask Tiger how much he's gotta give Elin. Who mind you was a Nanny prior to marrying him and not accustomed to some rich lifestyle that she knew prior to Tiger. Yet she's walking away like a "fat rat". (I'm sorry, was that phrase too Black for you?)

Maybe I should become like one of those women you were referring to instead of being very understanding and allowing my daughter's father to give me pennies while he "takes care of a few things". How dare you infer that ALL Black women are only about a man's money!!!

A woman is going to want you for what you have to give. So if you are giving love, she will want your love. If you are good company, then she will want to be around you. If you are giving good d#@%, she will, want that (regularly)! But since all you have is money (questionable as to how much), then that's all she wants cause it's all you have to give!

Sweet N Tart said...

I think both need Jesus and a hug but Gerald went so far as to say if the sisters would only get right, he would be down. And by right, he means white. He deserves an extra kick in the ass. San Diego seems less "eff all you colored folks" and more "how did I get here and what do I do now"
It's the difference between burning the toast a little (you can scrape the bad part off) and setting the whole damn toaster aflame.

CaliGirlED said...

Ok I am doing a holy dance right now! *runnin all up and down the aisles*

Gerald you don't know nothin bout this! LOL

Jazza you killed it with the "norm"!!! Just killed it! It's dead!

CaliGirlED said...

There's a saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it". I understand where you're coming from. They both indeed need a reality check! But Gerald specifically said he's done dating Black women. He also threw out a couple of insults, and I quote, "They only want me for one thing (money)..." and "...she could still get considered". Really??? With SD you can infer that she's done with Black men but she didn't say it, nor was she rude in her letter. Basically she's looking for affirmation for her happiness with this white guy. Which is why she is getting off a little light. But she definitely needs to check herself as to what she's attracting and why. And she needs to get some self esteem. As Katt would say, "It's the esteem of your@%$%#$^self!

But your boy G took it there! And well, don't come to the party if you didn't come to dance!

SingLikeSassy said...

He's not a good-looking single black man, he's a good-looking BLACK single black man. Go on then.

I heard some of this nonsense the other night. Dudes if you keep meeting the SAME types of women that's a YOU issue not a black women issue. Try something else, like maybe he woman with hernial ish who doesn't need a sponsor and wants a partner and companion. As for that looking and acting less black foolishness you just wrote that in hopes of getting folks riled up. Do your mama, big mam and aunties look and act less black?

Sister you stepped outside the box and met someone that works for you. That ain't a black men thang that's called chemistry. If this doesn't work out are you going to become anti-white man?

rozb said...

GAM - I don't have sympathy for San Diego. A grown-azzed woman who decided to meet and greet someone of a different ethnic variety, and she is slogging around like a chastised child. I don't feel sorry for her at all - no sir, not at all.

CaliGirlED said...

Chele you struck a nerve today! (Is this your highest count on comments to date?)

This post is like crack! I can't stop hittin it! LOL

michaeldavis said...

you crawl up into a little ball and be the weak chump that you are.

OneChele said...

Now, we've hit 140 on some random stuff before. But yes, we do get emotional.

Mr. Sable said...

I'm a white fella who only dates Black ladies these days, but it's just because I like what I like. I noticed at my girlfriend's family supper the other night, the table was surrounded by Black ladies and white fellas - all the couples were interracial! So that family likes what they likes too. It's got nothing to do with better or worse, just a preference.

Diana said...

*waves hand from sidelines* Resident white girl. I date guys that ask me out and I'm attracted to. Some are black, some are white and everything in between. I have no agenda or plan. I'm just trying to find one guy who is right for me. Trying not to get my heart stomped in the process. I believe that is an equal opportunity activity.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

K, San Diego, honey, I have noticed that there definitely is a different dynamic when dating non-black men, but that doesn't mean diddlysquat about the viability of a relationship with a black man. You dated black men that were wrong for you. You lucked up and got into a relationship with a man that is treating you well who happens to be white. Nothing more, nothing less. Trust and believe, as others have stated, that your issues and your beau's issues will rear their ugly heads and you will have to deal with them.

And Gerald, honey, I quote 'Chele and say "Deuces." Most of the black men that I have met who, in spite of the many things going for them 'on paper', had trouble finding black women, often have a number of character and attitude flaws that lead to such trouble. Chief among them is the fact that they assume black women only want them for their money. I can't tell you how many brothers mistake a black woman wanting to determine if a man can provide for a future family for golddigging. Or that wanting a man to be the head, which soooooooo many brothers claim black women are incapable of allowing, is such an effin problem. Let a white, asian, or latin woman do this, and it's A-OK. GTFOH with all of that. Self hate, internalized racism (and sexualized racism), anger issues, low self esteem, unrealistic expectations and different standards for black women versus non black women make a dude damn unattractive, no matter what his job, house and car.

CaliGirlED said...

Can we flip the script back now? IJS

Man's World said...

^ Here endeth the lesson.

Man's World said...

I got you bruh. I got you.

CaliGirlED said...

I don't know what happened to my first response, but as I read your comment I again, I just shook my head at, "...if you stopped and tried to bring something more to the table than your depreciated Benz..." This ninja doesn't have a clue!

But you killed it with "the norm"! Just killed it!

OneChele said...

Okay, interesting viewpoint. I see where you're coming from.

Dr. Peppa said...

Here's the real question... who ya wit now?

MelaninEnriched said...

Come on in, the water's fine!

MelaninEnriched said...

You actually formulated my thoughts into words more eloquently than I could.

"I can't tell you how many brothers mistake a black woman wanting to determine if a man can provide for a future family for golddigging. Or that wanting a man to be the head, which soooooooo many brothers claim black women are incapable of allowing, is such an effin problem. Let a white, asian, or latin woman do this, and it's A-OK."

^^This is nothing but some truth!

maureen palmer said...

Did he say "less black"? *going through webster looking for definition of less black* . Gerald, love is like cup of tea, you make they way you like it and if black women are not part of it's ok, but do not insult us on your way out.
San diego, my MO is, make decisions that will help you sleep better at night. in other words things that will bring peace of mind and if that does not include black me so be it.

maureen palmer said...

Oh, Gerald, it's worth noting that you are the common denominator, so check yourself. Attempting to queue "Man in a mirror".

GrownAzzMan said...

Maybe you have to be am man to feel this but "Everything with black men is just dramatic and painful but my interactions with white guys have been easy." struck as much of a nerve with me as any of the comments Gerald made. She is as much as saying "the white man is better than all 'yall. Gets no pass from me.

GrownAzzMan said...

See my response to Sweet N Tart above.

Rose M. Smith said...

I just had a thought.... maybe these two people shouldn't be involved with anyone else right, period. Like seriously, they both seem to have issues within themselves they need to work on before they can have a healthy relationship with anyone of any race.

PS: Gerald reminds me of Bill Bellamy's character in The Brothers maybe he needs BeBe to come shoot up some sense around him :-).

CaliGirlED said...

You have a point there. That was an insult to the BM. You guys should have checked her like we did Gerald! (You know how we do.) LOL

ASmith said...

Effin grad school is taking over my effin life!!!

::sigh::

I miss you all and sometimes, I cry (on the inside). :)

ASmith said...

Wait. Did you say, "'Gro, please!"???

BWAHAHAHAH!!!

Ohmigosh. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Here, sit next to me. Please.

Evansaw said...

"When people tell you who they are, believe them". _Maya Angelou
This is my favorite expression right now because it is right on the money.

Evansaw said...

In my opinon, we have not been choosy enough. Based on what I have seen of the dating habits in a few other cultures, one of the first things a women looks for in a man is: how good a provider will he be? Nothing personal, this is just what certain cultures expect a woman to look for in a man. We have had to "make do" too many times, and now more than ever it is a good idea to see what someone is 'bringing to the table". I think Gerald is a product of this new genre "MOB" or to put it more politely, "get her before she gets mine". It is a sad day indeed when people cannot put aside all the subterfuge and just be real with each other. With that said, "closes the page on this chapter of B&B...."

MsLord said...

Standing O

Nayo92112 said...

I'm in San Diego, and (most) white males here, are are pretty much 'jon mayer' about who they date w/exception of latinoAsian women who are plentiful. The female poster just 'found' a decent wm. To the bm, business as usual with him.

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Datdude91 said...

I love my black sisters. Even though I have had my heart and marriage broken by them I ain't giving up on them yet. But... I am exploring other ethnic groups. I refuse to group all sistas into my experience but my experince has its validity for me. So I am swearing off women who say I am looking to marry my best friend. If you have one that you value that much mary them, but if expect someone to be your bestfriend in a two year time frame, i question if you know what a best friend is. I am swearing off the "free spirt" sista. This means you kinda go with the flow and expect your partner to go with the flow with you, not happening in the real world. people got jobs and responsiblites. I am also swearing off the "travel sistas". ohh i love to travel sounds good, but how do you want to travel, how do you pay for your travel, and what happens when you can't travel. If your credit card limit is 10k, and your 401k is 30k, you have an issue.

Lise Richards said...

Still chuckling over your "deuces" comment.

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