Someone cue up MJ's "Man in the Mirror" because we're all going to need to hold hands and sing along. I'm sorry to tell some of you this but it's possible (in fact probable) that the problem with your relationship foibles and fails... [drops voice to a whisper] just might be you. [raising voice] Yeah, I said it. You just might be the problem. Okay, none of you Bougienistas. Other less evolved folks... ha! To be less confrontational let's just say the people you might hear some of these phrases from need to point the finger at themselves. How's that?
There are some utterances (less dramatic than 'the stick turned blue' and 'call the bail bondsmen') that are just red flags. Signs that scream "Danger, Drama Dead Ahead!" Let's take a look at a few:
I don't think you can handle me - Also stated as "Are you really ready for someone like me?" (Ebonics translation: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.) Ur, um - what? Are you a thoroughbred horse that needs to be trained, tethered and tamed? Are you so very special that one must aspire to be with the likes of you? Or are you really just a legend in your own mind? I get it, you're platinum service on American Airlines and everyone else is peanuts on Southwestern. But do try and remember... everyone has to start somewhere. (Ebonics translation: You ain't all dat)
All [plug descriptive words in here] men/women ain't sh!t - This is usually said with fists balled up and anger infused into every syllable. Was it Katt Williams who said if all you seem to find are 'ain't sh!t' folks you need to decide what it is about you that attracts 'ain't sh!t' people? Umm-hmm. Nuff said.
You're going to miss me when I'm gone - Earlier in the week, someone said they were told "you're going to miss out on me." Also sometimes stated as "you'll never find anyone else like me!?" (said in a plaintive wail) Really sir? Madam? Like that? Something tells me we're willing to take the risk.
Men are intimidated by me - No. They are not. Okay, maybe 2% of them are... but you don't want that 2% anyway. More than likely you are walking around with your mean-mug-don't-even-think-about-it look on your face and he didn't feel like getting his Roman Warrior on. [Roman Warrior creed- Brave men go where lesser men dare to dream] Unless of course you are just that one evil emasculating heffa running amuck scaring the shiggity outta all the good men who really wanted to date you. You are jacking it up for all us. Stop it.
Women don't know how to deal with me - Once had a ninja tell me I simply wasn't prepared for his "mental mind" and needed to get to "his level." For real though? Never mind he turned out to be a complete and total dog. In my opinion, when guys say this... start looking for the flaws. Major, major flaws.
My last boy/girlfriend (ex-wife/husband) used to... - Don't tap the brakes, slam the car in reverse hitting the eject button as you go. It's one thing to do a comparative analysis in your head between this one and that one, but to say it aloud? And generally more than once? Why don't you go back to them if life was all that rosy and perfect? Oh, they don't want you back? Hmm. Buh-Bye now.
Again, I don't say these things to be mean but to let you know what to look out for. If you're hearing stuff like this often... be prepared for "issues".
So tell me BougieLand, what phrases make you press pause and think, "Ruh-Roh"? Found yourself guilty of saying one or two? Do share!
Next: Wrapping up He Said/She Said Week.