Friday, September 17, 2010

"I don't think you can handle me" & other red flags.


Someone cue up MJ's "Man in the Mirror" because we're all going to need to hold hands and sing along. I'm sorry to tell some of you this but it's possible (in fact probable) that the problem with your relationship foibles and fails... [drops voice to a whisper] just might be you. [raising voice] Yeah, I said it. You just might be the problem. Okay, none of you Bougienistas. Other less evolved folks... ha! To be less confrontational let's just say the people you might hear some of these phrases from need to point the finger at themselves. How's that?

There are some utterances (less dramatic than 'the stick turned blue' and 'call the bail bondsmen') that are just red flags. Signs that scream "Danger, Drama Dead Ahead!" Let's take a look at a few:

I don't think you can handle me - Also stated as "Are you really ready for someone like me?" (Ebonics translation: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.) Ur, um - what? Are you a thoroughbred horse that needs to be trained, tethered and tamed? Are you so very special that one must aspire to be with the likes of you? Or are you really just a legend in your own mind? I get it, you're platinum service on American Airlines and everyone else is peanuts on Southwestern. But do try and remember... everyone has to start somewhere. (Ebonics translation: You ain't all dat)

All [plug descriptive words in here] men/women ain't sh!t - This is usually said with fists balled up and anger infused into every syllable. Was it Katt Williams who said if all you seem to find are 'ain't sh!t' folks you need to decide what it is about you that attracts 'ain't sh!t' people? Umm-hmm. Nuff said.

You're going to miss me when I'm gone - Earlier in the week, someone said they were told "you're going to miss out on me." Also sometimes stated as "you'll never find anyone else like me!?" (said in a plaintive wail) Really sir? Madam? Like that? Something tells me we're willing to take the risk.

Men are intimidated by me - No. They are not. Okay, maybe 2% of them are... but you don't want that 2% anyway. More than likely you are walking around with your mean-mug-don't-even-think-about-it look on your face and he didn't feel like getting his Roman Warrior on. [Roman Warrior creed- Brave men go where lesser men dare to dream] Unless of course you are just that one evil emasculating heffa running amuck scaring the shiggity outta all the good men who really wanted to date you. You are jacking it up for all us. Stop it.

Women don't know how to deal with me - Once had a ninja tell me I simply wasn't prepared for his "mental mind" and needed to get to "his level." For real though? Never mind he turned out to be a complete and total dog. In my opinion, when guys say this... start looking for the flaws. Major, major flaws.

My last boy/girlfriend (ex-wife/husband) used to... - Don't tap the brakes, slam the car in reverse hitting the eject button as you go. It's one thing to do a comparative analysis in your head between this one and that one, but to say it aloud? And generally more than once? Why don't you go back to them if life was all that rosy and perfect? Oh, they don't want you back? Hmm.  Buh-Bye now.

Again, I don't say these things to be mean but to let you know what to look out for. If you're hearing stuff like this often... be prepared for "issues".

So tell me BougieLand, what phrases make you press pause and think, "Ruh-Roh"? Found yourself guilty of saying one or two? Do share!

Next: Wrapping up He Said/She Said Week.

71 comments:

Vonnie said...

"My mama does it this way" yeaaaaaaaaah no
"you know, you could be my next baby mama" helllllllllllll no

http://www.socialitedreams.com/

rozb said...

"Let's go half on a baby." Really?!?!?! Must you be so desperate as to quote an R. Kelly song? Might as well tell me you remind me of your Jeep...8/ As a matter of fact, any song quote from any song written by Mr. Kelly, Mr. Big, or any rapper, especially if you are over age 20, is a no-no.

In my younger days, I used to be guilty of starting off the latest man rant with, "All Black men are (insert insult here)!" Fortunately, I now know better, and I am wiser. All Black men (or Black women for that matter) can't be held hostage for the few A-holes in the bunch.

I also refrain from using "I told you so" too much. Even if you already told them, and they know you did, they don't want to be reminded of it by you. So I just learned to master a non-committal blank stare without any hint of smirking.

Liselle said...

OMG! Last dude I dated was all about "my ex-wife used to..." and flat out asking "Why don't you do this like this?" Ninja -go back to her or just go away.

rozb said...

Your website is too cute!

Vonnie said...

oh, thank you very much :)

Rob said...

Ladies, please know that if one of the first things you ask me is if/when I will take you shopping... I'm done.

All Honey said...

And to that, if you are trying to meet women by flashing your BMW keys and Platinum Card, don't be surprised at what you get.

CaliGirlED said...

Let the church say Amen!

*rockin & fannin*

GrownAzzMan said...

This. Right. Here. "Men are intimidated by me - No. They are not. Okay, maybe 2% of them are... but you don't want that 2% anyway. More than likely you are walking around with your mean-mug-don't-even-think-about-it look on your face and he didn't feel like getting his Roman Warrior on. [Roman Warrior creed- Brave men go where lesser men dare to dream] Unless of course you are just that one evil emasculating heffa running amuck scaring the shiggity outta all the good men who really wanted to date you. You are jacking it up for all us. Stop it!"

That comment gets on my nerves. Thanx Chele and welcome back.

CaliGirlED said...

Let the church say Amen!

*rockin & fannin*

CaliGirlED said...

Let the church say Amen!

*rockin & fannin*

CaliGirlED said...

This damn DISQUS is really workin my nerves this morning! It won't post my reply where I want it!

rozb said...

This rates right up there with a woman saying, "I don't get along with other women. Most of my friends are guys." Translation: "I have hoe-ish ways, and other women are usually giving me the side-eye. They must be jealous.' This means men usually give you a pass, while women may call you on your shiggity, or you may have gotten snatched a time or two.

Jennifer said...

Likewise, if one of the first things you ask me is "when are you gonna cook for me," that is not for me. ONly speaking for me here...

SBChitownChick said...

Also: "Baby, you ain't never had a man like me." <- setting yourself up for failure. Boo.

CaliGirlED said...

This comment was for you All Honey.

CaliGirlED said...

That was for you All Honey.

Evansaw said...

I actually had a guy I was seeing want me to go to the cemetery with him to put flowers on his dead wife's grave (she had been dead for 5 years, and he said he went there at least once a week). The poor soul still had her bathrobe behind the door in the bathroom like she was going to come back any minute. Needless to say, there was no date number three. It took a month of not answering my phone to untangle myself from that one....whew.

CaliGirlED said...

Bless his heart!

Evansaw said...

It was definitely him.

OneChele said...

Girl, if the comment system won't let you reply just open your remarks with @AllHoney and we'll know what you meant. :-)

OneChele said...

Ugh. Along the lines of "Whose p**** is this?" If you have to ask...

Carey Jackson said...

That is my least favorite! It's so not sexy.

Carey Jackson said...

OR "People just don't understand me" - Whose fault is that?!

Carey Jackson said...

On the flip, I had a guy tell me "I'm just looking for a sponsor, you down?"

OneChele said...

Slapworthy.

Aisha said...

told a best friend that she was the common denominator in the effed up relationships she kept getting into and she stopped talking to me. She had three boyfriends back to back who were all involved with someone when they got with her. repeating the mistakes her mom made and she got mad cause i pointed it out to her. oh well!!

bythebroomstick.blogspot.com

rozb said...

Such a mood killer when you have to stop and say, "Umm...yours?" Is there a prize if you get the answer right?

Also, a man should never ask, "Did you get yours?" Messes him up when you tell him, "I will in about 10 minutes. Be right back."

CaliGirlED said...

Yes Chele help the new kid on the block! I'm not "blog savvy" and twitter makes me feel like I'm slow. LOL...I'll figure it out.

OneChele said...

Amazing how blind some people are to their own shiggity. I actually sat down and made a spreadsheet (yes, I'm anal) of past S/Os and charted out characteristics and issues. It's eye-opening when you see it all as a series of similar mis-steps and mistakes.

CaliGirlED said...

@rozb "I will in about 10 minutes. Be right back." O.U.C.H.!

LMAO!!!

OneChele said...

Try using TweetDeck or HootSuite on Twitter so you can organize what you're seeing. I could not live by the web version of Twitter. Too much information coming at me and no way to figure what I wanted (needed) to read. And no worries!

CaliGirlED said...

Yes Chele help the new kid on the block! I'm not "blog savvy" and twitter makes me feel like I'm slow. LOL...I'll figure it out.

rozb said...

Just ask him, "When are you gonna work for me?" When he starts laughing say, "No - really. I have a lot of work that needs to be done around here, and I only cook for those that are putting in the time. Grab a wrench and fix a leak, or cut some grass, but earn the meal, Son!" I can guarantee he won't ask for free meals ever again.

Grace said...

Dude would pause and ask "Am I hitting it?" Since I couldn't say "Hell no" I was left to give instructions, "To the left, higher, harder, faster, don't stop." Felt like a drill sergeant. And he had nerve to tell me I was too demanding in bed.

derek love said...

I can NOT be the only person who would pay good money to see this spreadsheet or at the very least give you my own data to enter and come up with an analysis.

derek love said...

Some brothers need the affirmation. Just say it's all yours baby and keep it going. We're not really listening anyway... unless you say the wrong answer. :-/

derek love said...

I hate when someone answers a question with a question. "Do you cook?" "Do you cook?"
So both of us about to hungry up in here?
Mini rant. I'm good now. Enjoying the series, Chele. Hope you're feeling better.

OneChele said...

LOL - Are you talking about in the picture?

OneChele said...

Hmm, a kind of "What do your past relationships say about you?" analysis. It's a thought.

Steve said...

Had girl say "You will never find another woman like me for as long as you live"
I so badly wanted to say "Promise?"

J B said...

How about dude in 1998 who told me on a date how Michael Jordan and Denzel Washington had women before they were famous, who stood by them in the poor years, and were now reaping the benefits of helping their men financially.

Seriously? I could hear the creepy background music and women in the audience telling me to run.

Oh, by the way, he's not famous.

J B said...

And the not so relationships, too....

AppleBerryMIA said...

*raises hand* I'll buy it!

AppleBerryMIA said...

O dear, what's the wrong answer?

AppleBerryMIA said...

Is that a new bougieism? I like.

AppleBerryMIA said...

"You keep it up, you might make the shortlist" <--- actual quote. Now as you say #WDDDA

Leon X said...

OK let's set somethings straight about Denzel and Jordan:

1) Pauletta was a struggling actress at the same time Denzel Washington was a struggling actor. If memory serves me correct they met on the set of the Wilma Rudolph TV movie (#DatingMyself). This means they had something in common which made them want to be with each other.

2) Juanita Jordan was in the process of suing Michael Jordan for paternity before they got married in Vegas (!). Tell me what part of that is "standing by him in the poor years."

Do better people.

Leon X said...

Dear Women Who Often Say "I Intimidate Men",

You know that's not something to be proud of right? That's like a guy saying "I like to beat my women."

J B said...

So, basically, dude was ultra full of it. I knew there was a reason why I was hearing background music.

OneChele said...

Okay so some people are having drama with the "reply" button today. Apologies on behalf of DISQUS.

datdudeincali said...

That's bad. Really, really bad. I did have a woman tell me I made her "top ten list" and I'm so slow I thought it was a compliment. A brother can't get the number one slot?

OneChele said...

Okay, I see you with the new profile pic.

CaliGirlED said...

@ Chele, Yay it's not just me, the "Newbie, Slow User"! LOL

Earthangel172 said...

I really hate it when a relationship ends and ppl say, "It's his/her loss!"

Really?! In my opinion, that's not so in most cases.

GrownAzzMan said...

You might wanna squash asking whose D*&% is this too. IJS

GrownAzzMan said...

ROFLOL Ok you stupid!

GrownAzzMan said...

Wow! Can you say not in the same area code as ready?

GrownAzzMan said...

Did it have formulas and stuff? Just axin...

MariSol said...

Well, I think there's only one right answer.

OneChele said...

It really did with points and whatnot - I'm geeky that way.

YardieChicie said...

"you know, you could be my next baby mama"

Because you have 'Low Aspirations-Having Heffa' branded on your forehead, right?

GammasWorld said...

You've got 'em covered pretty well there lady :)! Another good post. I like that you called out that "Men are intimidated by me" mess LOL.

Now this was back in the day and I sincerely hope my people have grown since then, but I actually had a ninja say to me "there used to be a time I wouldn't even date someone with your complexion" (I'm chocolate he was not as light as he thought he was). I swear I thought somebody put something in my drink ... I couldn't be hearing correctly. Boy bye.

OneChele said...

Sorry to tell you they still do this. Had one guy tell me he "preferred less cream in his coffee." Had another tell me to stay out of the sun so I could stay light enough to pass his mother's test. Another wanted me to stay tan... it never ends.

Happy Island Gal said...

"Yeah my ex was totally psycho *insert experience here..yeah even after 8 mnths of her "psychoness" you were still in a relationship and communicating. I have a hard time believing you. "you need more people". I run for the hills while popping my heels off in the process when I hear that one. Look I can understand .there are psycho exes but after ALL the craziness on EPIC (mental asylum) level you still stayed with her and then blame it all on her? Mm...It takes one to know one is all I'm saying.

And/or referring to the five babies you supposedly already planned out for us to have on our second meeting up?? MMm..yeah..NO!

Vonnie said...

you didn't know that I was a baby making factory for any man who deemed me worthy of paying attention to? i must have laughed so hard at that, boy bye. And I was only 17 at the time, the fact that I would be one of multiple baby mamas for this 19 year old is just sad.

CaliGirlED said...

@Chele, "stay out of the sun so I could stay light enough to pass his mother's test."...You and your mama can kiss my ass!

GammasWorld said...

Now that' s depressing :(

Karen Caffee said...

You said "...Never mind he turned out to be a complete and total dog. In my opinion, when guys say this... start looking for the flaws. Major, major flaws...." Don't start looking for flaws - just get out of the way of the fleas because they're coming!!

Brneyed1 said...

AMEN!!! *stompin' and clappin'* Dude: "can you make a mean pot roast?" Me: "can you rotate the tires on my car and fix the leak under my sink?" Mutual staring insued...though mine included the single arched eyebrow indicating "what, you think I'm joking?!?!"

aishao1122 said...

Yep, it took me a little while to notice that she would call about the same thing over and over again before it clicked that these are the same issues she had with her mom when she was younger, her Mom staying in a toxic relationship(which she used to call her out on) and she's just doing the same(but doesn't want to hear it at all). I love you girl but we can't be friends if you can't LEARN from the mistakes and MOVE on!!! Like Mary said No more drama in my life, so peace until you grow up.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails