Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Soap Opera continues: B & E, Brawls and Bullshiggity (part 2)

When last we chatted, New Dude's Ex-Wife and soon-to-be-Ex-Best Friend had broken into his home for reasons unknown. Words were exchanged followed by punches and next thing you know some of North Texas' finest were at the front door. Let's continue...

All four officers and a sergeant came inside. They saw a chick that looked like a hooker (but is actually a vice president at a bank) sitting on a sofa, one black man bleeding from his nose and mouth, the black man that opened the door flexing his fist, and a paint splattered chick in a t-shirt that read “Black by Birth, Bougie by choice” sitting at the the bar gulping wine with her laptop open.

“Good Evening everybody, does somebody want to tell me what is going here?” Said the last officer to enter the room. He looked at me, I looked back and we started laughing. “Michele RealLastNameHere – is that you? Oh my God, I haven’t seen you in 20 years. Look at you, give me a hug.”

Yep, I went to high school with Sergeant McHottie (We’ll call him Bryant) I had the biggest crush on him back in the day. He was the cool white dude that hung with all the black folks. Bluest eyes, wavy brown hair, blingy white smile, kind of JFK Jr hot. We sat next to each other in two classes and I recalled that we got busted for passing notes in homeroom.  He passed me the lyrics to Erotic City and as punishment, I was forced to get up and read them out loud. Not my proudest day. He had even come to University of Texas for a semester and there was a moment when we kinda  sorta thought about maybe hooking up but I don’t remember why that didn't happen. The next semester he transferred to TCU. 

Now he was in New Dude’s living room. I jumped up and gave him a huge hug. Over his shoulder I saw New Dude raise a brow like, “Seriously are you hugged up on po-po right now?” I patted Bryant’s shoulder one last time and took a step back. “Hey.”

“You look really well, did you ever marry –"

I cut him off, no need to go all there. “How’s Suzie?” He had married a cheerleader and Miss Texas runner-up.

“Oh we divorced a few years back, two kids, you know the drill.”

Now everyone else was looking hella uncomfortable so he cleared his throat. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Why does she get to tell her side of the sorry, she’s brand new anyway. She doesn't even belong here!” SEW commenced to mouthing off and those of us that live in Texas give her the big eyes. This is TEXAS, sweetie. We don’t talk back to law round here. We smile pretty and say, “Thank you Officer.”

McHottie told his dude to calm her down and turned back to me. “So who lives here and what’s going on?”

I recounted the tale as I saw it. At one point Bryant interrupted to ask, “Wait, your boyfriend’s ex-wife is a stripper?”

SEW lost it and started cursing and threatening to fight folks. Vince tried to intervene. She and Vince ended up in handcuffs, New Dude was handing out beer to the officers and came over to sit down right next to me. 

Bryant said, “So Michele, it’s up to you. We can haul them off for breaking and entering, disturbing the peace, assault, the whole nine or we write this up as a public nuisance call and bury it. Up to you.”

Ooo-wee. You know the cartoon where the devil is on one shoulder and the angel on the other? I felt just like that. High road? Low road? What to do, what to do? Send old girl to the pokey wearing an ace bandage and a bandana? So. Very. Tempting. New Dude put his hand on my thigh, “Up to you.”

“I want that key back.” I announced. Everybody nodded. “And you and I are going to have to talk about your friendships.”

“You’re the only friend I have in this room.” True dat.

I turned back Bryant, “Okay, just write it up and send them on their way.”

Derrick said, “I want a copy of the citation.”

As they were being ushered out, Derrick got the key back from Vince and announced, "You know you don't need to come back, right?" Vince tried to argue but Derrick shut him down. Then he looked over at SEW. “And you might wanna re-think that transfer.”

She went all blinky eyed – “What?”

“I can go over your head and have it stopped, seeing as how I’m holding a copy of a police report with your name on it in my hands or you can go in and tell them you changed your mind. You either want to continue working or is it more important for you to hang around here effing up other people's lives?”

Oh damn, not the blackmail!? New Dude was all parts of testosterone laden this evening. I started to get up and happy dance but I held it back. SEW just flung her hair around and walked out behind Vince. 

Bryant said, “Michele, can you walk outside with me for a minute?” He and New Dude exchanged the ‘don’t start none, won’t be none’ look.

“Sure.”

We weren’t even out the door two steps when he said, “You okay here? I don’t like him for you.”

Le Sigh. “I'm fine. Why?”

“You can tell a man by the friends he keeps and I don’t like his friends. Not at all. With the exception of you, he made some poor choices.”

Food for thought, though these were friends he'd made over fifteen years ago. “Thanks for your help tonight. I wish I’d seen you under better circumstances.”

“Well you can.” He handed me his card and leaned in a little, lowering his voice. “My cell’s on the back, give me a call. We’ll catch up or whatever.”

I kinda blinked like – what just happened right there? He smiled and backed away towards his car. “Y’all have a nice night, ya hear?”

I turned back towards the door where New Dude was standing with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. “What was that about?”

“No sir, don’t bring it here. Not after your half naked ex showed up trying to get her freak on.”

He shook his head, “What the hell was that outfit?”

“Why are you asking me?” We walked back in the house and shut the door.

“Are we going to fight? If so, let's get it in now. Because I’m tired and hot.”

“You seem a bit tense and on edge too. Does your hand hurt?”

“Hurts like hell, hard-headed bastard.” (he used some words stronger than bastard)

“Aw, were you in there fighting for my honor?”

“Among other things. It was probably a long damn time coming. Gotta call a locksmith in the morning, apologize to my nosy-assed neighbors. It's been a long day. Can a brother get some love?”

I sent him the side-eye, he ain't slick. “We’ll see what we can do."

Here endeth the portion of the tale that I shall be sharing on this here blog. I suspect I've just made two enemies for life and as we know, evil never dies it multiplies. I'm cautiously optimistic that the worst of the drama is behind us. Contrary to these blog revelations, I prefer life on the calm plateaus not up on the mountains or down in the valleys. Here's hoping for some plateau time.

So what say you BougieLand? Do share thoughts, comments, insights.

123 comments:

Andy Hopper said...

Umm wow. It's 5 am west coast time and I should be packing for the movers coming at 9am but I had to catch part duex... Shame on it all. Sometimes I wonder what grown folks are thinking. Just when you think, "We are too old for this sort of mess", people clearly old enough to know better show their tail (literally in SEW's case)... New Dude gets cool points for shutting that mess down. And you get major cool points wrapping your fingers around a wine glass instead of SEW's neck... I pray that this is an isolated incident. That was enough drama for the entire year.

Evey said...

I never comment - I'm a UK lurker reading this on my lunch break - but SERIOUSLY??? This whole story - parts 1 and 2 had me mouth wide open in shock that grown folk behave this way!! Jeez.

I'm so glad New Dude manned up and took control of that situation. SEW (tramp) and Vince need a slap. You are a better woman than me because they both would be chilling in the cells now if I had made that choice.

Hoping for only good things for you and Derrick from now on (change those locks though!)

GUEST said...

Why am I at my desk crying.
Commentary:
-This was beautiful!!! YASSSSSSS girl Yassss lol. Ms. Bandage Skirt knows that this is truly your turf and she had better rethink her move to TX. I suspect she will not be doing that.
-Yes, you got that key. Woot woot. You didn't have to "nag" or force my BIL to get it from Vince, it fell right into your hands.
-I am glad you did not get into a fight with any of them, that way the police (despite knowing Officer McHottie) would not have heard your side.
-Officer McHottie(OM) needs to "saddown", trying to step over my BIL.
-On the other hand OM is partially right but I give ND a pass on the ex wife and Vince. Everyone has that one friend. He also filed divorce from SEWAGE I mean SEW so technically he did not keep her in his life. He comes from a great family (people with sense). If more of his friends are Vince like, then I'd give this whole thing a second thought. (I do "judge" a guy on the type of women he has dated but we will make a pass this one time), another crazy ex emerges and we will have to forcefully take you out of this relationship.
Finally, yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. That wench should be out of the picture for a while. I love a silent Giant and that is exactly who my BIL is.

Newbie99 said...

....for the entire decade.

Crystal said...

OMG!!!! Did this really happen, really?!?!?!??? I am in my apartment screaming "WHAT!!!" Glad New Dude FINALLY told his "friends" where to go!!! WOW, I can't believe SEW really tried to do what she did, some people have some dang nerve!!! You handled this very well and don't worry about possibly having two enemies for life. The only ones drinking their poison is them!!!

Crystal said...

LOL, SEWAGE!!! Hilarious!!!!

socialitedreams said...

What I say: Can I PLEASE have officer McHottie's number??? he's so my type :D JFK jr?? blue eyes?? dear lord, I'm moving to texas, yes indeed.

http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com/

GammasWorld said...

Chile, Gamma gives you major woman props for not having those fools locked up. Way to take the high road young lady. Of course, your two-new-enemies will never ever see the favor you did for them but who cares. Gamma LOVES New Dude and wants to know if he's got a single uncle or somethin for Gamma? Oh wait, I read about the cookout -- nevermind :). Gamma was giving New Dude some old school side-eye for not telling Peaches straight out she was crazy for even thinking she could stay at his place, but he has totally redeemed himself with that "rethink that transfer" line. Now, I've got to get to work ... it sure would be hard to explain to my boss that "what had happened was Chele was posting part 2 and I ..."

EvolvingElle said...

Oh, OneChele, OneChele, OneChele. I'm so glad this story ended on a happy note. I was worried after reading yesterday's post. But God don't like ugly, so He will be taking care of Vincent and SEW. Now, I don't condone cheating by any means, but I would definitely keep the lines of communication open with Sergeant McHottie!!! And New Dude gets kudos for confronting ol' girl about that transfer. I can't imagine what she thought was going to happen. Well, I can, but we won't go there today.

JJ Fad said...

I could not wait to get to the office to read part II. You are a much better woman than me, Peaches would have been fighting off advances at the local precinct. I would have dropped the charges in the end but she would have had to suffer. LOL at her being offended at "you're boyfriend's ex-wife is a stripper". That is how you were dressed and he did not know you miss. Think on it! And FINALLY Goodbye Vince. I wonder what Leslie thinks reading about all of his mess. Good move breaking away girl.

PDieudy said...

They will definitely be back. If him and Vince were that close Vince will try to make a comeback. Who don't know you? Your network covers more people then Verizon lol. Happy it ended well. Great story

Ms_Smart said...

Cute Cop has a VERY good point. I'm sure he's seen this play out more than a few times. How did they remain friends this long? And what other things has Vince been allowed to say about you to make him feel so bold as to say that stuff to Vince in front of you? It would make me wonder all up and down about Vince.

Meanwhile, you're better than me. I believe they'd hate you either way. The reason the two of them felt so bold is because nobody has ever really made them pay for their actions.

Leon X said...

As I said once while in the chat room during the BNB Diva Summer Series (Next one coming up on 8/11) "You are your friends." Officer Bryant may be on to something.

Tazzee said...

This:

At one point Bryant interrupted to ask, “Wait, your boyfriend’s ex-wife is a stripper?”

Almost got me fired, LOL.

Seriously, I'm glad it all ended well. On the friendships - if I judged my husband based on his 'friends' we would NOT be married. Like Derrick, his friends are guys he's known for YEARS. Dudes that didn't make that transition from player to grown man. I just think that a man's definition of 'friend' is different than ours. Unlike my BFF, he doesn't talk to these shady dudes daily or hang with them regularly. His 'friends' are just dudes he knows and may watch a game with every now and then. My hubby is living proof that you can't always judge a person by their 'friends'.

Suebhoney1125 said...

Girl you are TOO COOL for School!!! HA HA HA!!! I bust out laughing at my desk... Now THAT is how you do it!! I now see why SEW wants him back. He is a DEFINITE keeper (so far- I may be a little biased due to him being a New Edition fan-LOL) I am so glad he put that skank in her place!, Vince will be back (being Frat and all that) but I'm sure he will definitely get the "long handled spoon" treatment and he too will feel the sting of "you never know what you got till it's gone". SEW will go back to whatever rock she crawled from under and Vince will be reflecting on how foul he was-but oh well you live and learn. As for Mr. Officer, I'm still trippin on him. Aww show the brother some love-he did however win the hand of yon fair maiden. TEAM NEW DUDE!!!

derek love said...

Know I'm supposed to be at work but I had to read part two. Sergeant showed much balls rolling on you in your boy's driveway... You gotta keep your eye on that one too.

OneChele said...

Thanks for de-lurking!

OneChele said...

C'mon down ;-)

Eye Candy said...

Amen but watch your back, I don't trust those two and now they're mad. But it should take them a minute to regroup and you can enjoy the time with ND until then.
Might want to keep McHottie's card on the side. Just in case.

Your girl "C" said...

It ain't over. Hate to sound like a pessimist but folks like SEW don't just retreat. Some dogs let the bone go after you swipe em once. Others you have to shoot and pry the bone out of the jaw. Don't know when or in what form more mess will appear but my gut says she ain't done.

Angela Deruise Roby said...

Im glad you took the high road in this case....the last thing anyone needs is bad ju ju in this situation.

I have to touch on the fact that we ALL know not to ARGUE WITH THE POLICE!!!! You cant argue with them in a 3 piece suit, so why would SEW try to argue in Rainbows clearance fashions (while being totally in the wrong)
Sister needs to go back to school.

And did anyone else miss the fact that we are at New Dudes house..... but OneChele gets to make the decisions? Classic southern cop. I love it! And he wasnt shy about throwing those vibes around.... but New Dude has truly won the WHOLE board over :)

“Wait, your boyfriend’s ex-wife is a stripper?” .....I dont think I have the strength, it was too perfect.

baileyqc said...

Okay, New Dude redemption. I like the blackmail and I like that he had to get a little bloody.
That sounds bad, huh?

OneChele said...

Mine too. And you know me, there will come a point and time when I have to weigh whether New Dude is worth the drama. Cuz haven't I had enough drama?

jake said...

Like how he decided to take a shot, why not right?

FreeBlackMan said...

Here's my question - Did you keep Officer Blue-Eyes phone number? Can we expect some swirl posts coming up from Ms. "I Love Black Men"?

mojitochica said...

Dayum, four officers and a sergeant? I guess po-po TX don't mess around... I'll keep that in mind should I ever visit.

iQuit, you officially know every-damn-body!!! Sergeant McHottie & Erotic City, eh? My eyebrow is raised. This dude will make a play for you if he's available. Oooooh he's available! Please tell us about his game *when* he makes his play!

Lawd have mercy SEWAGE (h/t Guest @ 8:41) aka Hooker VP has got no damn sense! Please tell me she isn't in charge of money at this bank! “Wait, your boyfriend’s ex-wife is a stripper?” *iz ded*

You are too good Chele. I might have let them sit a night in the clink just I could go ahead and file those restraining orders.

It's about time Derrick started playing hardball! He might want to check the HR rules to see if she is required to report police citations above traffic infractions. You can never have too much blackmail handy. Two people at my job got suspended for not reporting police citations within the specified time period.

Hot damn, Sergeant McHottie is too slick for words!!! Sincere concern - check. Good points about the friends you keep and questioning Derrick's judgment - check. Slipping you the digits under the guise of "let's catch up" - check. So are you gonna catch up with Sergeant McHottie, and what's your stance on dating people associated with law enforcement should Derrick not work out? ;ob

Aw Derrick is feeling threatened and with good reason LOL! Girl I don't know if I could handle that much drama. I would be wondering if there are any other batshit crazy friends ready to come out the wood work.

All in all this was a very exciting Bougie Tale. You have kept me entertained for two days ;ob I'm only slightly disappoint Vince and SEWAGE aka Hooker VP didn't get "knocked the fuck out" a la Friday!

Rob said...

Let me take a straw poll - who in BougieLand wants to hear 1)the kinda-sorta hookup story from college days with Johnny Law and 2) Did a Brother Get Some Love? Can you not put together a "BougieLand After Dark" page for the grown and sexy. LOL!

OneChele said...

Calmate, senor. I kept the number, never hurts to stay friendly with the law. As for the swirl posts, let me deal with what's in front of me for now.

Your girl "C" said...

Yes ma'am!

Note to New Dude ('cause I know you're reading this): Handle this in your own quiet way. No need to give Chele daily reports, in fact, I advise not. However, when it's good and done, let her know.

tanya aka kbrown said...

wowwww...in my flava flav voice.
writing is DEF your calling girl. cuz i was up in this post like INCEPTION! i was in the room with y'all snickering while eating my popcorn. it had drama. suspense. thriller. action. romance. science-fiction? lol.
well done.
*applause.

keishabrown said...

exactly!! if ne could be friends with vince, why can't you keep the number (not using it for ANY personal purpose) of a POLICE officer?? if something else ever goes down again with these 2 knuckleheads, you have a credible witness as a friend!

BrendaKay51 said...

As if I needed any more reasons why I should move my money from a bank to a credit union ~ reading that SEW is a bank VP, is definitely the final straw.

How can I expect a bank to handle my money properly when some of the senior staff are running around half dressed as if they are furniture in a rap video and nearly getting themselves arrested for breaking and entering, and acting a fool with a Texas cop?

Ohhhh no, my bank account will be closed before noon today!

OneChele said...

Actually why I fled Texas the first time, I swore I knew ev'body! Now, not as much. Still a small world thoguh ;-)

Newbie99 said...

True but dude had (praise God about the fact that it is in the past) access to his house. I hope this is the last of the crazy friends.

Anna N. said...

Love it! And you BETTA hang on to Officer McHottie's number - he sounds like the perfect back up plan if the drama quotient gets too high with Derrick. Wait, I meant it's always good to have the law on your side.

For some reason, my side eye is still focused on Derrick - I want to know what the "unheard whisper" was between them, why his boy Vince is so, um, "comfortable" letting himself in and out of Derrick's house and what their convo has been like all the time you've been dating Derrick. Since day 1 it's been clear that Vince has felt entitled to Derrick's time and jilted when he didn't get it. Now, I may be jaded because I'm in the DMV....but that sounds like the down low to me.

rozb said...

I love how you were in the position to show pity on the idiots.

*In the Dave Chappelle Rick James voice* "Bend down and kiss the ring, bitches! UNITY!"

Oh yeah - Derrick is letting loose all kinds of testosterone, huh? A good fist fight and some curse words make a man get all frisky and stuff.

As for Vince: *In Smoky's voice* "You got knocked the f@$! out!"

Mocha Dude Speaks said...

Okay, why did I find the online police report? (Maybe because I know which city New Dude lives in and it wasn't hard to find!) It refers to The Homeowner and The Homeowner's Guest (That's you) As well as Intruder 1 Male and Intruder 2 Female. Says Intruder 2 was "unfortunately attired" - LMAO.

This made my day. In case ya'll are wondering, it was worse than Chele described... wow!

CCDreamz said...

I have nothing else to add. Well said. Call Officer McHottie for coffee. It is just coffee.

rozb said...

Is there a link to the report? This is hilarious!

Sarah said...

I'm happy for you that it turned out alright. My thought would be that if you like Derrick enough to consider being with him for a while, then it is probably time for a talk about how you want and need to live your life. Reading between the lines, it seems like he is trying to change the tenor of his life to be calmer. You two spent a Saturday afternoon redecorating his office. That is a sign of the level of comfort he has with you in his life. Anybody who has lived life is going to have baggage. The question is whether they are trying to move past it and build some kind of a different present and future. In any case, good luck. (p.s. I don't think it sheds a very good light on the Officer's character that he was flirting with you at your boyfriends home.)

rozb said...

Vince did get his bell rung quite well, though! These two postings have definitely made my week already!

OneChele said...

Side-eye to you sir. I'm calling BB to come get you right now.

kimberly billups said...

Too funny! How is it that SEW is stupid enough to fight with police and Vince dumb enough to "assist" her! Love the part where the officer ask if she is a stripper. The blackmail, cherry on top of the sundae! However, they have both proven themselves to be the village idiot, I see them coming back for more.

David Chase said...

*raises hand* Yes, I would like to read those stories, yes I would.

diamond life said...

This right here. I know New Dude is reading so to you sir, I say - act right. You are asking a lot out of a woman. You better be bringing more to the table than a dance and an uppercut.

mojitochica said...

I know Vince got his, but ole girl needs her bell rung too!

BB Waite said...

As you say, Le Damn - I got him. Out here trying to tell folks bizness...

Karen Caffee said...

We can't say it for you, but you've said it.

Jadaloves said...

Jesus be some new locks and a restraining order. Those two got off easy considering the circumstances. "Youe boyfriend's ex-wife is a stripper?" *Expires* Someone throw me out when I start to curdle. LOL...they were doing the most I tell ya. But, all well that ends well. I hope you and ND can come to some terms you both can live with.

Nadette@Eat, Read, Rant! said...

I just had to mask my nearly falling out of my chair while laughing my ass off with some fake coughing. see i should be doing important stuff, but i had to read part two. See the thing is Chele, that food for thought mentioned by "Bryant" is what i've been chewing on for a while. That's all I'm sayin...

Karen Caffee said...

She was smart enough to walk from Vince, no doubt she's saying *hallelujer*!!

Jennifer said...

wow.... the Sergeant piece of the story was not the twist I was expecting... but the fact that he thought SEW was a stripper says alot! HA!

EXCELLENT decision to get the key, and ND - EXCELLENT decision to tell SEW to keep it moving or the citation might be seen by eyes that employ her. Swift move, Vince and SEW know where he stands, and he made it clear you are his lady (dingdingding)

And congratulations on finding fodder for your 3rd book... LOL

Mickmicki said...

Hell, I was goin' ask for Sargeant McHottie's number for my dayum self!!!!

Newbie99 said...

I do agree with your last point. I am not sure I like that.

Evansaw said...

Well, all's well that ends well. When you live right, good stuff happens. I don't know what you plan to do about Sergeant Mc Hottie, but it is good for NG to know that he may have competition. And you did it all like a lady should. Big, Big, Yay for you! As good a writer as you are, you could not make something like this up! I hope SEW makes a fast retreat into the sunset.....

Jennifer said...

cosign.... you do have a new Police friend that could help with a restraining order too..... just saying

Evansaw said...

Yep, and if they have been friends for 15 years, it may be hard to dislodge this guy. They have a history, and NG may get to missing him. Remember, this guy admitted that you are the reason they are not cool anymore. He is not going to just walk away from this. NG may find himself slowly letting the brother back in. Not a good idea. Watch your back, girl.

blackprofessor said...

Wow! You didn't disappoint with this one. I think Officer McHottie made a valid point, and was implying that even though he chose these individuals years ago, both still had access to him that should have been denied (SEW) or curtailed (Vince). Vince and SEW felt totally comfortable rolling up in his crib while he wasn't home. That is a CURRENT problem, not one rooted in the past. It speaks to boundary issues and the fact that new dude hasn't evaluated who is in his life and whether or not they should be.

I hope Leslie is reading to discover that she dodged a bisexual bullet (ala Vince). He is acting like a jilted lover, not a grown man in his 40s.

OneChele said...

Rob, you have been around BougieLand long enough to know... what are the odds I'm sharing either of those stories? LMAO - excellent try though

Black Butterfly said...

"...evil never dies it multiplies", that is TRUTH! This story would seem completely unbelievable if I hadn't lived through something similar myself. I had the unfortunate pleasure of having to deal with a crazy-EX that ended with TWO police reports, a whole lot of soul searching, resolve and finally relocation. <>

Crazy doesn't care what they have to do to get what they want which leaves the SANE people with serious decisions to make. You and New Dude handled the situation commendably well and there might be hope since he was able to shut it down any lingering delusion that he had any interest in continuing a relationship with the Dysfunctional Duo. But(isn't there always a but), Crazy also doesn't like rejection so watch y'all back because SEW and Vince are probably far from done.

Anna N. said...

I wouldn't call Officer McHottie husband material. But he could make one helluva Rebound Man, lol.

GDB said...

YO! Could you just tell me it's not my frat? LOL

Veronica Miller said...

"unfortunately attired."

*mort*

GDB said...

Officer and her go way-back; that's "The Exclusion Rule" - not the one about evidence, but about "spitting game".

Veronica Miller said...

"I don't think it sheds a very good light on the Officer's character that he was flirting with you at your boyfriends home."

That's what I said! Under the guise of "I don't like this guy for you... give me a call." Sir? Side-eye to you. It would be different if he said something like, "I'm concerned... let me know if anything else happens." But nah, he probably got all excited from that hug (you know, from the big breasts and all) and decided to slip in some game.

ALTHOUGH... I do take his point on the friends a person keeps. However, as someone else mentioned, from what you tell us about ND, he seems to have enough sense about him to know that these sockpuppets are no bueno.

"Re-think that transfer." Classic.

Veronica Miller said...

Also...

“Why does she get to tell her side of the sorry, she’s brand new anyway. She doesn't even belong here!”

O___O

Chick, shaddup.

The_A said...

Every responsible black man I know has that friend (rolling eyes) from way back. Tolerance was in order up until this weekend. There are limits to even the most loyal of long lasting friendships -even among frat. Fortunately, it sounds like ND is ready to remodel the inner circle along with the living room.

SEWAGE (still laughing @ that one!) may not think she's done but she won't have an 'in' to kick up dust if ND doesn't give her one himself. Mom won't even entertain the okeydoke, "Dupree" has ND foot firmly planted in his ass, & the po-po think she's a loud mouth stripper.

Officer Way Too Friendly (I see you Sergeant Bryant) has a point, but take it with the shady grain of salt he sent with it. Now if you can name at least two or three of ND's other "boys" that are like Vince then you might have a point. ND isn't drama but he might be inviting it into your life by the company he keeps. You won't need an Option "SB" if ND handles his business.

They both know this.

YardieChicie said...

I know, right? Trifling Trick, know your place!

YardieChicie said...

To S.E.W. - If you don't want people to think you're a stripper, hooker, video ho or all of the above, don't dress like one.

Also, get a damn hobby. Preferably on the other side of the country.

OneChele said...

Which frat is yours?

YardieChicie said...

Daps on the credit union bit. That's where a good third of my money is too.:D

YardieChicie said...

*cracks the hell up at 'unfortunately attired'*

KG said...

Dayum Chele....just....dayum....

I went back to read Part 1 and the comments, then I read this plus the comments and I'm just sitting here rocking on my office chair utterly speechless. The comments on both posts alone were enough to kill a sista and then the story itself....Sweet Jesus....

Just glad you're okay though. BougieLand def has love for ya :)

Re: McHottie, (has he got similar relatives?...Muy interesado....LOL), I also think he raised a good point re: ND's friends and 'unwilling to leave' appendages. That being said, ND has shown that he's willing stand up and show his priorities. But I'll also add that it shouldn't have to cause this much drama. He should have cut Vince loose a long time ago IMO.

LOL @ 'SEWAGE'. 'writing is DEF your calling girl. cuz i was up in this post like INCEPTION'....Love the commenters in BougieLand!!

Jasmin said...

I just told my sister she needs to stop attracting accountants--can I get Sergeant McHottie's number for her? ;-)

Hopefully SM's appearance will show ND that he has some competition (friendly competition, of course) and he'll re-evaluate the company he keeps. With all of the Vince and SEW drama, I keep forgetting that this is supposed to be a "grown folks" situation--it sounds like some ish I'd hear from my old crazy !roommate--and I'm still in college!

Angela Deruise Roby said...

Yes indeed! Having the 5-0 as friends is priceless. But I dont think there is too much the Wonder Twins can do now. It doesnt matter they didnt go to jail.

Its documented that they cut up with New Dude at his house. So If they want to go round two, its like a second strike...and if thats the case, some cops dont give anyone an option, they go to jail. The same pretty much applies to OneChele. Its documented they got salty about her telling the story AND with the cops in general.

So yeah, SEW and/or Vince could try something, actually it would just be another awesome story for us.

Grace said...

Well for now I'll say all's well that ends well. Just enjoy the moment and decide what the next move is at your own pace.

L.P. said...

(p.s. I don't think it sheds a very good light on the Officer's character that he was flirting with you at your boyfriends home.)

Totally agreed! Probably because I'm on Team Derrick all the way!!! :)

Javalicious said...

I can't hope but be optimistic for the future. True Sista-Skank-A-Lot may return with Mr. Needs A Life but as long as you two are set, I think it's all good for now.

Steve said...

I think you did the right thing not locking them up. It would have just caused too much ill will. At least for now they can reflect on the fact that you were kind when you didn't have to be. On the flip, ND gets the side-eye for letting Blue Eyed Soul Po-Po punk him in his own crib. ND's problem is he can't decide when to be confrontational or maybe he knew it was better to shut up and let you handle it. I don't know. The jury is still out on him.

Sweet N Tart said...

One - I need the Bougie by Choice t-shirt
Two - Kudos for taking the high road but
Three- I can't help but wish you'd popped ole girl just one good time

rozb said...

Ho-zilla...

I am now flatlined and laying dead on my afro. HA!

OneChele said...

1) www.zazzle.com/onechele <~~ go crazy
2) thanks
3) tempting

AppleBerryMIA said...

I actually just glad you got out safe and sound with minimal impact to you and New Dude. I hope he realizes that what he does next is EVERYthing.

maureen palmer said...

Whew, I thought they had ND in cuffs. I hope the worst is behind you & ND, now it's time for dieting for that new outfit I will be rocking at your wedding lol!
You are right, you have 2 permanent enemies, we might have to send you POTUS detail /secret service down there.

maureen palmer said...

* booof " just fell of my chair, bougie land is ultra the last 2 days.

Jason P said...

Wow your readers are going in. I'm going to take the more practical approach that SEW had a plan. She offered Vince all the chi-chi he wanted in exchange for helping her get New Dude back. They hatched a scheme (ill-fated) and tried to execute (poorly). But no matter how crazy either one of them is, it's doubtful that they make another direct run at ND now that they've tipped their hand and have Mr. Charlie all up in their biz. Cuz you can bet if Officer Playboy was trying to spit game, he made sure he had the particulars on Vince, Vince's car, Vince's license and Holiday Hooker.

Take a breath Ms. Chele and get your bearings back. If no more drama for a month, breath again.

The Fanny Pack said...

As I read your "Soap Opera Series" (which has the makings of another Balck Weblog Award nomination next year) I can't but help wonder a) are these uncouth people "real" or characters that you've developed and are testing out on your blog readers for your next novel (LOL) and b) how in the world are you holding your mule admist all this blatant foolery!?

I wish that you and New Dude could just steer clear of the idiot brigade, but it looks as though their scheming is only in its infancy *sigh*.

Like I said, it makes for GREAT blog posts, but I certainly don't wish these manipulators on you!

OneChele said...

What's TRULY crazy? As funky and dramatic as this episode was - I could tell much more flamboyant episodes from my life. It's clear that something about me invites some unnecessary drama. I'm trying to peel back the layers on why that is. Try as I might at least once or twice a year some completely improbable hot mess pops off. I couldn't put this nonsense in a book. My editor would tell me it was too over the top and she would cut the scene.

JaymeC said...

Chele, sweetie - I hate to tell you this. Stuff like this happens to you once or twice a month. You're a colorful vibrant person and people (all kinds of people) like to be around that. If you want to dial back the drama just stay in your house and don't speak to people. Even then I suspect drama would knock on the front door and your polite behinds would invite them in for tea.

Blessedly, you've seen and done so much in life that it rolls off you. I would've taken to my bed with the vapors and a vodka drip years ago.

I say this in love. *mwah*

OneChele said...

Le Damn and Le Boo. Stealing "Vapors and Vodka"

ASmith said...

91 comments. A.Smith is LAAAAAAATE.

Damn.

Well, I know folks have already analyzed this one up, down, around and through so let me comment on Officer Bryant who sounds real nice...

That card whisper thing? He was wrong. Cute for it. But wrong.

He did have a good point -- a man's friends speak volumes; however, your point trumps his -- these are 15+ yr old friendships. People change and stuff.

Alright, let me get to reading these comments.

Lynnette M. Evans said...

Glad this ended on a somewhat positive note.

Page Bartlett said...

You got me on the zazzle. I copped a "too busy being bougie" mug.

GrownAzzMan said...

So I hit Chele up on twitter earlier today and asked the question many of ya'll must have been asking yourselves. How much of this wonderful, hilarious and hella dramatic two-part series was made-up...er embellished? She swears on a stack of tweets that not only was this all true there could have been more but she held some back. I personally was riding right along until Officer Goodbar showed up trying to renew old acquaintences and whatnot. Really? All that being said, all's well that ends well and it's time to assess what we have learned. Vince took trifling friend to a new (low) level. SEW is a manipulator who will stop at nothing, nor level of undress, to get what she wants. NewDude can be counted on to man up in a major way at just the right moment. Chele can be counted on to know a man who can help in almost any situation (case-in-point Officer Goodbar) and not counted on to take and post the necessary scandalous pics (I couldn't get even one of SEW looking like she works for A Pimp Called Slickback? Not even one??) Ok Bougieland, did I miss anything?

Booboonotthefool said...

That was def one of those stories that you'd SWEAR someone was lying if they told you about it. WILD! I'm sad that i figured Vince was extra bogus from the way New Dude's mom was talking about him. IDK if you could have written that foreshadowing in better yourself.
Glad that ended well.
I think New Dude showed you he was clutch..and I think that woman's intuition of yours was on the money ALL the way about SEW and Vince.

GrownAzzMan said...

So Imma need that link posted up in here. "Says Intruder 2 was "unfortunately attired". ROFLMBAO!

GrownAzzMan said...

Bonus points for the 'Friday' reference.

D.P. said...

I've known Michele for years and years, I remember when she was in Austin and got into a fight with her then SigOth who was a DEA agent and tried to beat him down with her Gucci purse. The best thing about this story is that she sat on the barstool sipping her wine instead of flinging it at someone.

Yes it's a blast from your past "OneChele" - ha! I found this blog from your book website and I will tell your boy you kinda have him on front street in some of these articles. Good to see you always keep a spare white boy in your back pocket trying to get a chance.

Page Bartlett said...

Chele seriously - the autobiography - write it!

thinklikeRiley said...

Girl, why you know so much po-po? That ain't bougie. Then again knowing the po-po and not catching cases - that's pimpin'. Keep forgetting you grew up in the area. Lookie here though, guard your grill. Halter Hoochie will be back and stronger than before.

thinklikeRiley said...

Yes sir, this right churr is ex-zack-a-lacky how it went down. Promised punanny got more ninjas in bracelets - damn shame

thinklikeRiley said...

I thought fo' sho' ND was going down. Chele for the save

OneChele said...

Mr. Drew! I only told the post-it-note story! Maybe one other ;-)

Tonda Williams said...

Major Grown Azz Props to you GAM for that spectacular wrap-up. dead @ Officer Goodbar.....

Earl Jackson Jr. said...

I told y'all ND was taking the High Road, and would respond appropriately. Next time ya'll listen to an Old School Brother.

Andrea M said...

I have to admit, the brothers knew what they were talking about on this one.

Andrea M said...

I ain't mad at Officer HollaBack... not at all

Andrea M said...

That would totally rock

MotownMs said...

Teach!...*as she snaps close the fan she's been using and puts it back in her purse*

I commented last week that how this weekend was handled would tell all...and that it did! Having said that...I am disturbed still by SEW's line..."She doesn't belong here." Like SHE did??? That proprietary comment right there...speaks volumes. I have been pondering the "too-cozy-for-my-tastes" relationship SEW had with ND, family and associates when she had dogged him throughout their tumultuous tenure together...especially when there were no children involved. Hopefully these boundary issues have been resolved...although I think restraining orders would make the lines more defined...I'm just sayin...

Chele...let's just say..."you handled your scandal"...

MotownMs said...

Chele...I have noted it more than once...your instincts are on point...'nuf said...

superwoman said...

chele, please, please pretty please, come to jo'burg so i can cook you brunch and you can regale me with all these crazy stories face-a-face, coz i am TOO killed by the way this one concluded! I LOVE IT!!

the word 'drama' is such an understatement!! you're a fantastic storyteller, i felt like i was right there in the lounge, sipping wine alongside with you as the dramz playd itself out!!! pleaaase give us more! WE NEED IT!!

ha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! oh, and did i mention.... ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! (somehow, lol, roflmao and lmao just didn't convey the full extent of how utterly amused i am by this story!!)

glamah@cococooks said...

OMG! Insane. I dont know about this guy. He may be clueless and slow to get it, but his choice in friends and ex partners reveals lots. He mightthrive on drama. I agree wih your ex cop friend. He's been around and see all sorts people to make a judgement. And cops are not my fav, but Im agreeing with him here.
And dont think its over and dome with with the hooker and her pimp. Those people are crazy.
But its makes for a great book! Just change names and there is your third book!

SingLikeSassy said...

There was too much here to take in with just one reading. Didn't I tell you SEW was a HABITUAL LINESTEPPER? I'm trying to get my head around the fact that all the people in this story are older than 30. But, foolishness knows no bounds I guess.

Anyway, I would keep my eye on Vince and ol' girl cause I'm sure ND and Vince have fallen out over stuff before and the friendship has continued so trust and believe that he will be his messyazz back at some point.

As for SEW, I don't understand all this drama and machinations over some man she doesn't want. She needs to get some damn business.

GDB said...

My first word is the give-away. I thought you rocked the png?

This Time Now said...

If you are not a direct descendant of my mother and father's marriage to one another, you will never have a key to my home. NEVER. New Dude better realize that he is not on Sesame Street, bout' to be panhandling on Skid Row if he keeps the relationship going with his ex-wife. This is something out of a movie, crazy. Your friend, Officer Cop, love how he greeted you! Hilarious. Sounds like ND may have some competition. As for me, this incident would've ended it. Can't have people scrappin' around me. I'm from Virginia, we like it quiet and drama-free.
Good luck.

This Time Now said...

You are right about "you are your friends" Officer Bryant is cool in my book, and I'm sure he's seen all kinds. Keep OB close, you hear? Watch your back, front, sides. New Dude may be nice, but he's got drama in his life. You have not seen the last of Miss SEW and Vinny the Moocher, trust.

This Time Now said...

Yes, definitely keep McHottie's card, shoot, make copies and place them around the house, just in case of emergencies. With this new development, you never know what's about to pop off. For real.

This Time Now said...

I don't see nothing wrong with "the swirl". Never limit yourself. I like what I like and make no apologies about it. Stay alert and be careful.

This Time Now said...

Me too, and I live in Seoul. LOL!

TB=JB said...

This seriously railroaded my afternoon, but I don't care. Funny as h-e-double hockey sticks!! I hate to say that I have had a similar experience, but alas, I have. This was so refreshing though. I loved your response, " I want the keys." YES! (Check 'em B! came right to my mind...but I digress)

You may have gained enemies, but trust that chic will have more sleepless nights about you than you will ever, ever about HER!

Bank V.P. indeed. Hmph.

TJB said...

Oh. and ya' boy...he's a keeper. Damn.

rikyrah said...

this is way too much drama, but as a story, it was hilarious. the cop slipping you the card on the way out was too funny. I want to root for the New Dude, but he's dripping with drama, and I don't think this is the last of the best friend and the crazy ex-wife. they've known him longer - watch out for those emotional ties.

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