I've been hustling and travelling and trying to maximize my fabu-divatude for the past few weeks so a sister is weary. But I did want to post this right quick:
In the Dallas airport, I ran into someone from my private school days. I haven't seen her since we were fifteen years of age. We'll call her Scarlet. I used to envy her so. She had a tiny little figure, huge blue eyes, brown hair that waved neatly past her shoulders. She came from a wealthy family, was very smart and basically seemed to have a perfect life then and a perfect future ahead of her. I remember going to a sleepover at her castle house, her room was literally a pink cloud with butterflies and birds everywhere. For Saint Patrick's day, they threw a huge party called Lollipops and Leprechauns. They told her she was an enchanted princess living in a magic land. She believed it for a long time.
Seeing her in the airport, I can tell you... she is no longer enchanted. Life has not been kind. She still has the trim figure, the blue eyes and the neat hair. I assume she is still wealthy and smart. But she had the air of someone who life has kicked squarely in the ass. I wanted to gasp and say, "What happened to to you!?" I mean a vibrant girl with the world by the tail looked decades older than she should. She looked quite exhausted by life.
I casually inquired as to how she had been and tears welled up in her eyes. Oh my damn. I sat down with her over margaritas and told me such a sad, long involved tale of woe I swore I was hearing the plot of a Lifetime Movie of the Week.
When she finished, she smiled weakly and said, "How have you been?" Well, truthfully lining up things that happened to her versus things that happened to be over the last twenty years- I realized I hadn't gotten off that light myself. I shared a few highlights and lowlights before she interrupted me saying, "But you look so well." She went onto say that she never expected that anything bad was going to happen to her so the past two decades was just one reality check after the other. "How do you do it?" She asked.
Le Sigh. This got me to wondering if she had been done a disservice being raised in a cotton-candy cocoon. I never had the expectation that my life was going to be rides on fairy wings and floating on rainbows. I was also taught that when life kicks you in the ass, you get up and kick back. So when asked how I still wake up smiling and ready to tackle whatever is around the next corner, I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't a cliché. "Nothing can defeat you but you." "Life is for the living." The whole saying about life, lemons and lemonade... I knew she didn't want to hear any of that.
What I said was - you just have to make a conscious decision to make the best of whatever comes your way and work to make it better. You just have to keep going. She nodded and saud, "I'm don't think I come from people who know how to do that." I patted her on the shoulder and said, "Then you'll have to be the first." We parted ways with promises to keep in touch.
What would you have told her? Do you know someone whose life you thought would be perfect but it's gone a whole different way? Is it even possible with today's 24/7 all e-everything to raise our kids in that kind of sheltered cocoon anymore? Curious to hear your thoughts, comments and insights.
29 comments:
i've ran into old friends with this same sad tale. And when I thought i'm having it bad, they bring me back to reality. You were a good friend in your responses!
Hey...if you cant manage your privilege, I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Sorry.
I know my life wasnt EASY coming up, but I was fortunate enough.
These folks out here who can't navigate a life full of privilege, I don't really have the energy to go passing my pearls of wisdom on folks who had bus passes while I was scraping change out the couch for busfare and couldnt afford a transfer.
You told her all there is to say - keep it pushin'. It's kinda sad it took her this long to figure out that life isn't really lollipops and little men dressed in green. Bless her heart. She never expected anything bad to happen to her? That's a cultural divide right there. I always expect some foolishness and stay pleasantly surprised if I avoid it.
Did she really expect tears over the loss of her entitled fairy tale? I know somebody just like this of the blue-eyed variety always talking about why do these things happen to him. That's life, son - man the eff up.
Yeah we do someone a disservice if we never tell them to expect lemons and do not show them how to make lemonade. You can still teach your kids about reality while still protecting them. Steady diet of cotton candy does no one any good
This right here - when you are in the driver's seat of a luxury automobile, please know how to drive the hell out of it. I can't give a boo-to-the-hoo if you wreck it cuz you stupid. No, I cannot. You were born with a Maybach, I was born with maybe someday, son. And I'm still here grinding with a smile on my face.
Okay Chele, the story about Bitter Becky struck a nerve.
"Bitter Becky" <~~ classic!
I would've told her exactly what you said. Those cliches only make sense to people who know how to make it happen...
I know people like her and I'm afraid of what lies ahead for them.
sad that life is kicking her in the ass, I really blame the parents for building a cocoon around her. That never lasts, it can't. NO ONE will have a downy soft life, too bad she wasn't taught to handle any deviation from that.
It can be easy to say "well tough bitch, you had it good so what" but the fall from the TOP is often the hardest fall.
http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com/
You were kind and that is something that are lot of people lack, kindness. What difference does it make whether she had it "good" or not growing up? No one will leave this earth untouched by hardship and disappointments. You helped her and hopefully she listened to your words.
Well, I am not sure that "Bitter Becky" is any different from anyone else who learns something that they should have learned long ago. You don't know what you don't know until you know you don't know it. The first time you are knocked on your butt by something devastating (financial, emotional, loss, etc.) is something that no one can imagine (or know exactly how you would handle) until it happens to you. By her own admission, "I don't think I come from people who know how to do that." Unfortunately, her family never gave her the tools to know how to cope with bad luck, bad decisions, etc. I guess they were folk who never encountered these issues. She is dealing with the results of non-exposure. To me, she is no different from someone who grew up in a household where no one worked, so in their mind, work is just something that "other people" do. I think your advice was good advice. As you say, "when you know better, you do better." Hope she is on her way to a different type of thinking.
I'm having a hard time mustering up some sympathetic or empathetic feelings for this young lady's inability to deal with the regular ups and downs of living a life ...
My heart goes out to hear. I know what it is like to live a sheltered life, though not to her extent. While her parents started her out on this path of disappointment, it also sounds like she didn't have a network of people to help her throughout life. It is a good thing that you gave her the advice you did, maybe you are the only person brave enough to do so.
I hope that she adheres to the truth of what you said and finds out who she really is and that she deserves better than what she has experienced in life. I wish I could give her a hug. :(
*her*
So good to be back in BougieLand, I was away (long story) and I see you are excellent as ever!
Anyway... I give folks until 30 to wake up smell the world coffee- sometimes it's bitter, sometimes it's bold, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes you're not sure what it is. What are the options?
Keep moving or lay down and die. I'll keep moving please.
And you are probably the only one to tell her that.
"You don't know what you don't know until you know you don't know it." Is this yours? I love it!!! Need to share it with my facebook family.
I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of sympathy for white privilege!
If she and her family took their heads out of the fantasy world that most whites live in and noticed the conditions that most folks of color dwell in, they might have a clue about the world. I think you gave sound advice and I think her experience is a metaphor for what is happening to a lot of whites who have had their privilege bubbles busted!
Just catching up and relationship week was a riot!
Life is a classroom and experience is the teacher, learn the lessons that are put before you. Unfortunately she was home schooled and her parents weren't qualified.
The best example I have seen of how not to do this to your kids is the Rev Run's reality show. As real or unreal as this show maybe, (I can't say cause I don't know them) I just focused on this message that was put out. Run's kids were taught how to become entreprenuers, how to be creative and come up with a business plan, how to make their own money. Yes of course they have an advantage over most because of the resources available to them, but they were taught how to use those resources. The two daughters had to pitch their magazine and shoe line idea to their "filthy rich" uncle Russell Simmonds, who sent them back to the drawing board each time. And then sent them work with folks in those industries to make the projects come to life. The oldest son went to Russell with his desire to enter the rap game, and he had to intern for someone who started out as an intern for Russell so that he could learn the business side. The guy made him clean up his dog's poop! And the best one was when the youngest son (maybe the middle one) had a yard sale so that he could make his own money to buy something he felt he should have.
Bottomline it's ok to provide for your children, but it's better to also show them how to provide for themselves.
I do feel sorry for this woman because she was given all materialistic stuff and no common sense or sense of reality. However, I would still expect her (if I knew her) to pick herself up, dust off, make some "notes to self", and keep it movin! And I too love clichés, when they can be applied to situations because they're usually short, sweet and true.
What you told her was perfect. Life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it. I don't think sheltering anyone to that extent does them any good. It is better to share the good and bad of the world with our children.
Well, I did grow up white, male, privileged but was always told that I had to work for the life I wanted and happiness was not a guarantee. I grew up with a lot of clueless Buffys who wouldn't understand "struggle and hustle and make it work" if was right in front of them. Those kind of blinders help no one.
You were kind and didn't have to be.
What AppleBerry said! I always say they may get me but they won't surprise me. Someone should have told this woman.
Is that why you date Boqueshia instead of Buffy? LOL!
That's the reason millonaires were jumping out the windows during the stock market crash of the 1920's, they did not come from people who knew how to" pick yourself up and keep it moving." Unfortunely, a lot of our young people (black and white) are being raised exactly like that today. Heaven help 'em.. The world of hard knocks will either show what you are made of, or knock you out for the count.
One of several reasons ;-)
Life is 1% what you are given & 99% what you choose to do with it.
LOL, YES to you first line!!
OMG yes.
If I am not running around trying to get my business settled and smoth talking ppl, something is normal....and that aint right....
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
~ Dale Carnegie
You told her what she needed to hear, and I am hoping that you guys keep in touch.
Post a Comment