Tuesday, July 27, 2010

RWNTD*: Don’t give a test you’re not sure they’ll pass (pt 2)


Yesterday, we learned about the woman who basically self-sabotaged her relationship trying to run game on her man. Today, let's learn about a man who thought he was running game but in the end... not so much. Let me break down his letter for you:

Bless His Heart Dude (BHD) meets Somewhat Needy Chick (SNC) at church. She is (according to all the church saints) a "good woman" who has just had a few bad breaks in life. Had a baby young, got screwed over (literally and figuratively) by her baby daddy and was working at having that better life. It did not hurt that SNC was bangin' of body and cute of face.

BHD is in his late twenties and tired of that single life. He wants to settle down with a "good woman" and "get on with his grown-up life." He decided to give SNC a try. They dined out and on the first date, she's not quite as "refined" as he would like but he saw through lack of etiquette, diction and table manners to something that both interested him and attracted him.

Fast forward to two months later, BHD moved SNC and baby-SNC into his crib. Now from his letter I can't tell if that was the test or this: He gave SNC a credit card and told her "Use it for emergencies." [pause for the side-eye] He didn't give it another thought. She adored him, was rubbing him the right way and he had an instant family.

What he did think about was the fact that not only was she not a great housekeeper, she's not a great housemate. In fact, she's sloppy and her four year old has picked up the same habits of just leaving things laying around and assuming someone else will clean it up. BHD hired a maid/cook/nanny [do we need to pause again?] and kept rolling. After all, this was a "good woman."

So her round-the-way friends appeared to have set up headquarters at his house and SNC couldn't keep a job, this was what a "grown-up" relationship was about, right? Putting up with the good and the bad?

At least that's what he told himself right up until the credit card company called him at work and asked when he planned to settle the balance on his card. He would pay it off over the phone, he told them - how much was it? $14,632 they told him - which bank account did he want them to take that out of? After his heart started beating again he found out that SNC had not only used the card like her personal checking account but had gone online and transferred money to her personal Paypal account $1000 at a time. She had the billing address and primary phone number changed so he would not get the bills. And she was apparently very fond of a website that overnighted Christian Louboutin shoes direct from France.

He had her and the little one out by week's end. He prepaid a month at an extended stay hotel to get her out. He had to change locks, all of his cards and bank accounts and file a fraud alert. She had opened up a store and gas credit card using his information. She had told people she was his new wife. He said he's still discovering her fraudulent acts.

His question to me was... where did he go wrong?

To which I'm tempted to respond - where did you go right? You got bamboozled by the beauty + booty combination then you moved a virtual stranger and her son into your home. You turned a blind-eye to every flaw. And then you gave this stranger a credit card in your name with a $20,000 credit limit.

Let me ask you this - what was so "good" about her that is PG-rated? She wasn't up to your "refinement" standards, you weren't comfortable with her lifestyle, she was a slob who couldn't cook or keep a job and turned your house into the neighborhood hang-out. She better have been turning you inside out all day everyday. For the record, not everybody who goes to church is a Christian. Next time, I would take things slow. Check some references, keep your credit card (and other things) in your pocket for a minute. And don't let a cute face fool you.

Hmm, just re-read this - am I being too harsh? I should probably be more sympathetic, huh? BougieLand, whatcha got for BHD? Ever been the victim of identity theft from a S.O.? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tomorrow on BnB: Who's the rabbit?


*RWNTD: Relationship What Not To Do

85 comments:

chele said...

Sympathetic? Oh please! Who moves someone into their house after two months? And what is this about handing over credit cards? I had the same question you did ... what made her a "good woman"? In my mind, a good woman can handle her own.

Shahlex said...

Ummm, you are not being harsh, he was being dumb ... my eyes got wide when you said he moved her into his place after two months ... just plain dumb ... this wasn't a failed test ... she totally passed at getting over on him ...

"So her round-the-way friends appeared to have set up headquarters at his house and SNC couldn't keep a job, this was what a "grown-up" relationship was about, right? Putting up with the good and the bad?"

Nah, with "grown-up" relationships, both partners can hold their own ... this was such a mess ... I'm glad BHD got out of it when he saw who she really was ... unfortunately there are some people who would have still made excuses for her and given her another chance ...

Man's World said...

NO!!!!!! Man down, man down. Someone call the League of Extraordinary Gentleman to help me slap the man card out of his hand, provided old girl didn't steal it.
Got-dangit! He fell for the okey-doke.
Now THIS hurts my feelings. Matter of fact, I'm leaving BougieLand right now.
yeah, I'll be back tomorrow. *slams door behind him*

Page Bartlett said...

I can't with this. Is it Relationship What Not To Do or How Stupid can you Be Week?

JustPassingBy said...

He got got. My grammar is poor but you hear me though.

vonnie said...

"don't trust a big butt and a smile" -looks like truer words couldn't have been spoken in this case. I'm sorry, but do people NOT know the meaning of vetting these days?? Seriously, DATE and find out if you are compatible instead of just jumping all willy nilly into things, ESPECIALLY where kids and finances are involved. Why do I know this at 24 but people double my age can't seem to figure that out? jesus

http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com/

derek love said...

What part of the game is THIS!?

Myas Mom said...

LMAO!!! Come back Man's World, don't be like that, we're not all bad! LMAO again!!!

BrendaKay51 said...

I honestly {and perhaps, foolishly} thought nothing could top yesterday's posting, but I was sadly mistaken.

Too harsh? Nope, not at all. What I find most amazing, is the fact that this young man {just like the young woman from yesterday's saga} actually wrote you, OneChele asking for advice. The skid marks all over BHD's bank account and very possibly his credit rating is not enough advice for him?

BHD needs to ask himself why does he place more trust and faith in the opinions of others {namely the members of the church he attends} rather than heeding the warning signs that were flashing all around him like lights at a train crossing.

During that first date, when he realized this woman didn't match up to his expectations, he should have walked away then. But no, BHD decides instead to jump into the role of "Captain Save-a-H* and was played like a well tuned violin. SNC smelled BHD's desperation and used it for more than the $14,632 credit card bill BHD is left to pay off.

Hopefully, from this painful and very expensive lesson, BHD has learned the value of trusting his own instincts, as well as not rushing head first into a relationship when he barely knows the other person.

Violet Rose said...

This is WORSE than yesterday. I can get past a little heartbreak but bankruptcy lasts forever.

michaeldavis said...

I think this is the extreme side, but it does happen. Also a brother can just date a woman like this and end up badly as well. Still not sure WHY she needed to have a credit card and why pray-tel would he give her one.

Often times, the SNC has a dude on the side (which may or may not be the baby's father) with a criminal/thug background that's in on the whole thing.

Myas Mom said...

When I read that he moved her (and baby boy) in, I had to go back and re-read the time frame. Yep I read it right, two months. WTH?!! And I thought he was crazy when you said he gave her a credit card, then you said the balance was $14,000+. My question, "Damn what was the limit?" So I KNEW he was crazy when you said he gave her a credit card with a $20,000 limit! I'm a self-sufficient woman with a good education, marketable in the workforce, know how to cook and clean (don't really like to, but gotta do what I gotta do), ok I'm independent. But where's my offer to move-in and a $20k credit card???? Ok ok ok, yes I would turn down the offer, but damn it would nice to be asked! LMAO!!!

Pure Choco said...

LOL on Capt. Save -A-H*! Just dying to say "How'd that work out for ya?"

David Chase said...

This is no damn part of the game. This, sir - is part of the con. And old boy been hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray.

Grace said...

I can't be the only one giving the church members a serious side-eye right about now?! He better double check that "building fund" didn't receive an anonymous donation to the tune of a couple grand.

bluassassin said...

Classic. When people tell you who they are, believe them.

OneChele said...

I'm still waiting to hear back from him on that "good woman" question.

OneChele said...

Aw, don't go away mad dude!

OneChele said...

Both?

Miz JJ said...

What made her a "good" woman besides her fat ass and cute face? He got caught up. Maybe he should look for characteristics like self-sufficiency, kindness, intelligence, similar beliefs and values rather than a banging body. Perhaps if he weren't so shallow he's have a good woman, but probably not one who looks and behaves like a video chick.

U Don't Know Me said...

Too true brother, too true.

Penny said...

Wow!! I actually have some sympathy for BHD (but not much.) How many of us have gotten involved with people that deep down, we knew that we shouldn't have? However, hopefully, you are not almost $20,000 (I am counting the advance month paid for the extended stay hotel and the other fraudulent charges he is still discovering) after waking up to the fact that you made some major bad choices. Still I wonder a couple of things: 1) how many women who did not have the banging face and body did he pass up to get to her-women (in or out of church) whose character would have never allowed them to consider doing this to someone else?; 2) why he felt he had to step in and rescue this woman from her numerous failings (lack of manners, etc.)? Why was he not looking for someone, that in his mind, would have been on his own level? I think that says more about him, than her. ( What's up with the hero issue? This woman seems like someone who has a history of "running game" successfully); and 3) how is he going to treat the next woman he meets, especially if he finds one that he feels is on his level.

MeetCharlieL said...

As in yesterday's whodinkery, I don't feel bad for either party though the $20k loss earns BHD a boo-to-the-hoo.

Newbie99 said...

O_O...this is made up right...right? You are not being harsh at all, BHD needs to be shaken. Bro, why..why..why? Please next time, wait till a season (as in weather) passes before you move someone into your house and give them your entire financial information. He had to learn this lesson by himself, I hope more people (men and women) will learn that a cute face and a nice body mean NOTHING, o and a church membership. Don't be deceived.
Now I feel bad for him, I want to smack him upside his head first and then give him a "its going to be alright* hug.

JaymeC said...

It makes me sad that he was introduced to this woman in the church and that he was so desperate to get that nuclear family unit that he overlooked every (obvious) warning sign. Hope he bounces back with lesson learned.

AIsha said...

Dauuuymnn that is crazy!! WDDDDA, he gave her a CC what person gives someone a CC without checking their id, references and credit?? He definitely asked for that. He reminds me of that saying " a fool and his money are my kind of man" thats him to a tea

BendLikeBent said...

Ms. Michele - where do you find them?

MochaMuffin said...

I was just thinking it sounded like a con.

Javalicious said...

^5 Michael - cuz if folks don't realize she was financing half the hood they are stupid.

GrownAzzMan said...

"To which I'm tempted to respond - where did you go right? You got bamboozled by the beauty + booty combination then you moved a virtual stranger and her son into your home. You turned a blind-eye to every flaw."
Textbook relationship fail. This man made every mistake in the book.

Eye Candy said...

I could use a $5k hook up... just sayin'

OneChele said...

Intriguing - they find me.

thinklikeRiley said...

This right here why I don't pay for ish, don't be moving bishes in, none of dat. Hoes out here trying to be housewives, I ain't going for it.

GrownAzzMan said...

Riley is raw, but he's right...LOL

beautifulcurare said...

UGHHHHHH!!!! His stupidity makes my a** itch! I always give folks a wonky eye when they start moving in together after less than six months...but this EEEEEEDIOT (ren & stimpy) gave her a credit card?!?!?! And she wasn't working?!?!?!?! And she didn't keep the house straight since she wasn't working?!?!?! She didn't at least throw a chicken breast in the oven and cook some veggies on the stove top?!?!?! I mean, damn?!! WTF?!!! He deserved every bit of the debt he has to pay back...NO SYMPATHY!

SingLikeSassy said...

ONECHELE! DON'T ANSWER ANYMORE OF THESE DAMN EMAILS! Darwinism. That's all I'm saying.

Traci said...

It was probably rushing "head first" (the "little one) that kept him in this mess after the first date.

OneChele said...

Just one boo-to-the-hoo? Ha!

Jasmine Girl said...

I quit everything. Between yesterday and today. I effing quit.

OneChele said...

I try not to but No Bougie Left Behind, what can I do?

michaeldavis said...

^ EXACTLY!

michaeldavis said...

this chick got a better deal than Tyrese in Baby Boy. All he got was a crash pad and some tacos.

Andrea M said...

Hold up Cap Daddy - Broke bastids out here trying to be ballers on Baby Gurl's bankroll so let's call that a damn two-way street. huh?

Nadette@Eat, Read, Rant! said...

No Chelle, you're telling it like it is. BHD is a poor decision maker. It's one thing if someone doesn't know the difference between the salad fork and the dinner fork. but to lack proper table manners, proper diction is NOT the type of person you move into your home after two months. that means he was sleeping with her on the hmmm second date, which sorry if this offends those free of sexual spirit, but if you didn't have to work that hard or wait that long to get it, odds are, niether did everyone else before you. Then the warning signs continued with her sloppy and shiftless ways, which she was teaching to her own crumb snatcher, who was now snatching HIS crumbs. And what does he do, he hires a maid? he giver her a credic card? No, this dude doesn't even deserve a "bless his heart". He seems needy and foolish too. There is no sympathy here, sorry boo.

maureen palmer said...

Reading ths and thinking the same thing, where do you find them? You should write a screen play, b/c some of these things should just happen in the movies.

baileyqc said...

*whispers* Why he gotta be Cap Daddy? LMAO!!!

maureen palmer said...

My grandfather use to tell me, baby, common sense is not common among men. I don't care how great the sex is, you do not move a stranger ( yes a stranger, 2 months) in and on top of that you hand her a cc. In Tina Turner words "love has nothing to do with it"

maureen palmer said...

" chicken breast in the oven" LMFAO!

baileyqc said...

From the tone of things sounds like BHD is "successful" in other areas of his life. Maybe this trend blinded him to the fact his judgment SUCKS when it comes to women. Even if I wanted to be sympathetic (That 14,000 number is staggering) he lost me with the Nanny/Cook/Maid. Ninja Puh-lease! Tell her to get up off her booty and do some damn thing. Dyson, Swiffer, Windex wipes and a lecture would have been a great start.

baileyqc said...

"No Bougie Left Behind"?! You are a fool... lovable but a fool!

OneChele said...

My Aunt Violet used to say "Common sense isn't common any more."

mojitochica said...

No! She can't stop this stuff keeps me entertained at work!

YardieChicie said...

Someone told me the best place to find suckers is in church. I suppose this would be Exhibit A.

rozb said...

As Bugs Bunny would say, "What a maroon!" I bet he will do this again and again, each time blaming all of womanhood for his getting "took". Not a good look, man...

ASmith said...

I'm tryna understand what she was doin so well that he overlooked basically everything else that makes for a good mate...

oh. wait. bet i can guess.

Dah well. Hope we all learn a lesson. Don't ignore those red flags. They're red for a reason.

daisy said...

Okay?! This right here. Was her bed game REALLY all that?
I hope he learned his lesson. But why do I doubt he did?

GrownAzzMan said...

I have been around a little (okay a lot) in a GrownAzz way and I can't imagine what she could have done that well. If it leads to chronic stupidity I hope I never find out.

Mr. Sable said...

One of those "Did you learn something?" moments in life.

Karen Caffee said...

Oh please! Here's hoping that BHD doesn't hook up with GAW from yesterday's post (since CSF is going off the market) because that would be a stupidity outbreak of epic proportions! Where did he go wrong? He slowed at the intersection of Cute Face and Bangin' Body and then proceeded to Dumbville at breakneck speed! Hope he upped his alarm system AND got a dog - at least the dog might have better radar when BHD tries to bring another 'digger in the door!

Jason P said...

She was a straight gold digger, wasn't she?! I mean, I almost want to request a picture to see what a woman who can jack you for 15k, room and board and hired help looks like?

Then again maybe I don't.

Salt Water said...

The white wimmins on my job move in with their BFs in two months and under on the regular with no ill effects, and usually pull a marriage out of it. Different strokes...

OneChele said...

I have to assume that they are robbing their BF's to the tune of 15 grand?

Salt Water said...

On the contrary, they're paying most of the bills, lol. It's a gender reversal of the situation you described, with the men being more financially irresponsible, but the women don't seem to mind as long as they can score a "Mrs." in front of their names.

Melzie said...

Too harsh, Chele? LOL. You were quite diplomatic. Being his first "grown-up" relationship is no excuse for not using common sense. Young folks need to stop playing house, doggone it! Sorry, a tad bit cranky at the moment.

Kandia said...

Wow!!!! After 2 months he turned over his CRIB and his CARD....she must have put it on him...either that or he was just really hard up.

Waiting on the update where he's now dating a white woman because all sistas are gold-diggers.

Jadaloves said...

What in God's free world would posess this man to move some heffa and her kid into his house after two months? And then not require any decency and give her free reighn with his money and credit score? Da HELL? This foolishness makes me tired. So I quit....earth.

Myas-mom said...

No Jason you don't! LOL!!!

Myas-mom said...

No thanks, I'll stay single!

Veronica Miller said...

This comment is EVERYTHING.

Veronica Miller said...

This is what I JUST said. Shoot! Give me that credit card. I'll start a lil' (legit) business. At least that $14,632 would be an investment! THE HELL?

Veronica Miller said...

Girl... BYE. Lmao.

Veronica Miller said...

And a car. Don't forget the beige car.

sunt97 said...

WTH is wrong with this dude. Like you said, he did nothing right. You don't give anyone access to your personal accounts. Hell when I get married you best believe I am going to have a personal account that my hubby will not have access to. Didn't he notice he wasn't getting a bill anymore? If he wanted her to have some cash, why didn't he open up an account for her? There is a sucker born every minute. 2 months? Gimme a break you better be my husband or someone that is attributing to the bills and checking account before you get any access to anything.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Sangali said...

Too harsh? Noooooo, not at all. Guess he never hear of Bell, Biv, Devoe....they wrote a song about it, here it go..
But seriously, I keep hearing Fred Sanford's voice when I read these 'not to do' stories....."DUMMY!! BIG DUMMY!!!" keeps running through my mind....can't wait for tomorrow's 'relationship victim'.

mojitochica said...

Can y'all talk about this dude on the radio show? I wanna here Yvonne's take on this ::snickers::

beautifulcurare said...

I'm like Smokey on Friday...Cook, clean, do something! (not sure if that's the exact quote, but you get the gist, lol!)

tanya aka kbrown said...

for all the men that say nice guys finish last, i present to you evidence that good girls finish last too.
esp girls with a normal/notkingmagazine like a:w ratio.
speechless.

YardieChicie said...

Dear Lord, please keep me from being that desperate. Make my resolve strong! Amen.

EvolvingElle said...

Thankfully I've never been a victim of fraud. I feel SO bad for this dude, but he made some stupid mistakes. One, who moves in somebody after TWO months of knowing them?!?!? Not to mention that his first red flag was her etiquette and mannerisms at dinner. As I said on my blog to the ladies a few weeks ago "Don't ignore the red flags"!!! I will say the same to men-DON'T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS! You can't be that blinded by something that looks good to move a person (and their child) in, give them a credit card, and instead of requiring her to keep house, especially if she doesn't have a job, to just hire somebody to clean up her mess...No, you weren't too harsh; actually, you could've said a lot more. I will say I hope he learned his lesson...and know that everything that looks good TO you may not be FOR you.

Karen Caffee said...

Which may be why he'll be discovering the extent of her fraudulent activity for a very long time.....

Karen Caffee said...

Too many of SNC's crew were hanging at his house for the money to likely make it past their pockets!

Karen Caffee said...

*ahem* Do you think BHD will ever get back to you on that one? **still wiping eyes and trying to catch breath after reading the Day 2 comments - BnB readers put it straight out there!!**

OneChele said...

We'll see what we can do ;-)

Karen Caffee said...

Chele, did you ask him if he's been tested to make sure SNC didn't leave any reminders of the permanent and lethal-to-your-health variety???

OneChele said...

I somehow think after the comment beatdown, we won't be hearing from Old Boy.

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