Monday, July 26, 2010

RWNTD*: Don’t give a test you’re not sure they’ll pass (pt 1)


Normally, I'm a tactful person but I received the most-stupidest (yeah, I said it) letter from a grown woman recently that I simply must point out the rampantly ignorant error of her ways. I'm not going to cut and paste the letter because it was long and painful to read. Let me paraphrase:

Thirty-two year old woman met "good man" also thirty-two years of age. Grown-Ass Woman (GAW) and Grown-Ass Man (GAM) are six months into the dating thing and it's all good. But GAW has doubts, is GAM really all he is cracked up to be? She thinks he's The One but does he feel the same way?

GAW devises a plot [if I soundtracked the blog here's where I would insert the ominous piano chords] to test her man. She enlists a "friend" [the quotes will be self-explanatory shortly] to help her with this test. The plan is for cute sexy friend (CSF) to roll up on GAM and see how he responds. Does he take the bait? Does he flirt? Or more?

To GAM's credit, the first time CSF ran game on him he smiled and politely declined her offer of naked olive oil slip 'n slide and went on about his day. He even went so far into the Good Man Handbook as to tell GAW that some random broad tried to pick him up while he was out drinking with the boys. They laughed about it.

GAW in her infinite ignorance sends CSF after him one mo' gin. He flirts back a little bit longer but sends CSF packing with the specific words, "I'm seeing someone else but I'm flattered." Again, he tells GAW and even says, "Why is this woman so persistent?" GAW answers with a laugh, "I guess she sees something she likes." She calls CSF and tells her to stand down - GAM passed the test and she's satisfied he is a "good man". 

Unbeknownst to GAW, she just hit the nail on the head. CSF did see something she liked... a lot. Having decided that GAM was an awesome catch, CSF went after him with a full scale attack. CSF even used information gleaned from conversations with GAW to hook that man and reel him in. Her intel was apparently considerable. She had that man's head turned around for months. GAW knew something was going on with him but wasn't sure what. CSF's slam dunk move (the one that won the game) was to tell GAM that GAW had sicced her on him but she couldn't do it anymore because she fell in love with him and she couldn't stand to see him deceived. He deserved so much better!

What do you think happened next?! Oh yes, GAM dumps GAW in an angry huff. He and CSF are now engaged to be married. GAW lost her man and her friend. She's spending her free time writing me twelve page emails chock full of bitter expletives about how she's been betrayed.

Sister-girl... betrayed my ass - let me count just some of the ways you JACKED this up yourself:
One - you were happy but you rocked the boat because of your own insecurities
Two - you sent temptation his way. Not once but at least twice.
Three - NEVER tell your girlfriends EVERYTHING about your man. That can bite you in the ass so many ways. 
Four - how good a friend was she if she was willing to go along with this?
Five - True, GAM could've resisted but that's a moot point now, isn't it?

Girl, I'm sorry but you're stupid. Put plain, you let the enemy into your camp having already handed them the blueprint and strategy to get to the prize. WDDDA? No, I'm not absolving your trifling "friend" or your former boyfriend but you have got to see where you brought trouble to your own doorstep. 

For the record ya'll - I don't like "tests" in relationships. I think time, judgment, intuition and observation will tell you what you need to know about someone. What say you, BougieLand? To test or not to test? Any insights on the story I just shared? Would you ever do such a thing? Thoughts, comments?

Tomorrow: Pt 2 of Don't give a test you're not sure they'll pass, a man's story. 

*RWNTD: Relationship What Not to Do

72 comments:

Aisha said...

ahahhahaha Damn!! Good for her.She so hasn't learned her lesson if she's writing you blaming them. From you started out the story i knew something was going to go wrong. This is no longer grade school people we don't send our "friends" over to find out if they really like us. This was a good morning reading thanks so much for sharing.

SingLikeSassy said...

This is dickery. Pure T dickery.

Stank_0 said...

Welp! Womp Womp! Who in the hell left the gate open?!

I would think one test is enough, I could have felt one but the 2nd was playing with fire

BrendaKay51 said...

I am at a loss for words, which is pretty rare for me. Wow...just Wow...

Jeannette Abrahamson said...

Testing your man/woman is rooted in insecurities, like you said Chele. I'm just baffled with this story.....she just took a lifetime "L"...

tiffanyinhouston said...

I'm supposed to feel sorry about THAT incredible display of dumbassery?? NERP!! Rule number one is don't bring other chicks around your man. She's making the sisterhood look bad. She gets a grade of F!!!!!

Mrs Smiley Face said...

I'm sorry but I'm LMAO...she's stupid. She basically gave him away and she's mad? Wth?!

Myas Mom said...

Not to test! WTH was she thinking? TWICE?!! Are you kidding me?...I know we're supposed to uplift our sistahs, but she shot her CSF's ego through the roof!!! You go get'em girl, I know he'll fall for your Cute Sexy Ass! WOW!!! All I can say is WOW!!!

Socialitedreams said...

WOW....i mean, sorry she had to learn the hard way, but damn that was a stupid move! Why even go there? Sure, let me send my sexy friend to seduce my man just to see if he goes with it.....and if he does? what now? I've lost a friend and my man....she clearly didn't think this thing through! And with females acting desperate for a "good man" she should have seen that outcome surely as I can see the glasses frames about an inch from my eyes.

I may be secure as EVER in my relationship with a boyfriend/fiance/husband AND have known my best friend for 13 years now, but you sure as HELL won't see me sending her 5'10 former model ass over to seduce him and tell me if he fell for it. lol, yeah.....NO

http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com

Marlo Semi-Sweet Moore said...

"WTH, now that's some pure FUCKERY at it's finest!!!"

jake said...

Trying to think what I would do in the man's position. I'd think to think I would stay strong but after the "slam-dunk" move of telling me my girl was testing me? I don't know. It's one of those "She expects me to do it anyway" type of things after the trust is already gone.
She was just stupid. She had to know that could back fire a few different ways.

bluassassin said...

Sometimes folks are just so -- EXTRA!! All she had to do was have a honest conversation with him. Jeez! One thing I like to tell women is that we (women) also experience "Penis Envy," and therefore should never divulge the entire contents of your relationship to your girlfriends. That's in the relationship handbook - or it should be.

JaymeC said...

I can't think of what more she could have done WRONG here with the exception of stripping her friend naked, pouring whipped cream and telling her boyfriend "Have at it, honey"
This is disturbing on a lot of levels.

rozb said...

This is as bad as walking through the woods with meat taped to your ass to see if the bears would attack you. Then screaming for help as the bear you were looking for finds you and eats the meat and gnaws on your silly azz. Not a good look at all.

Is she invited to the wedding? I would call her a rube but even an unsophisticated country girl doesn't do that kind of crap...

Rob said...

Real talk - the one I feel sorry for is the dude. He can played on both sides and doesn't know it yet. Hope he finds out and walks away from both tainted chicks.

OneChele said...

You are welcome ;-)

OneChele said...

Don't be shy, tell us how you really feel.

maureen palmer said...

This is so elementary, I don't even think kids in elementary school are pulling this type of nonsense. You walked into this one GAWsorry!

Violet Rose said...

In your terms, I'm calling bullshiggity on the whole thing. What was her question to you? Seriously? How could I have been so blind?

OneChele said...

Would you have been okay if you found out one was done to you? Just curious.

OneChele said...

Uh-oh, Brenda Kay is speechless.

thinklikeRiley said...

Old boy should've kept em both running hot and cold until he moved onto the next.

All Honey said...

That seems a little harsh, huh?

Veronica Miller said...

....in its most potent form.

Veronica Miller said...

^^^THIS. This comment is EVERYTHING.

All Honey said...

Chele there aren't enough synonyms for stupid to describe this. Day-um.

Andrea M said...

This pisses me off on so many levels.

Myas Mom said...

LMAO!!!

Steve said...

I was just thinking, old boy is the real loser in this. He escaped clutches of one to end up with worse. After what she did to get him? Shady.

A man is just a man.

OneChele said...

She asked me if she should have seen this coming... my response - do you need a burning bush outside your door? Stevie Wonder saw this coming. *sucks teeth* Just throwing away good(ish) men. No ma'am, no sympathy. Sleep in the lonely ass bed you made alone.

I Am Me said...

Not to put man card in jeopardy but let's not let GAM completely off the hook here. Even knowing GAW tried to okey-doke him, his relationship was with her. He had responsibilty to go to GAW prior to banging CSF and say WTF with throwing CSF in my face? But I do agree he should run (not walk) away from both.

OnlyMe said...

I'm nervous to read the man's story now. How could it be worse than this?

Annette Evans said...

Life is the test. If you use your God-given common sense, you can always figure out if the S.O. is the right one for you......and you are right, never tell anyone everything about your man. You don't go around disclosing how much is in your IRA or bank account, don't give away this asset either. There are only so many good ones to go around, don't give yours away, ladies. Watch the women that watch your man...you may learn something about both of them.

Annette Evans said...

Not stupid, just desperate to have a decent man. And insecure, too.

Annette Evans said...

The new wife probably told him on the honeymoon. I am sure she was very proud of herself!!!

David Chase said...

Damn! I leave BougieLand for a few weeks and this is what I come back to? Tell me she didn't send a dime to do her man and then wondered where she went wrong?

Ladies - right or wrong, sometimes the only things keeping a man from cheating are ethics, opportunity, availability and likeliness to get caught. If 3 of 4 of those tip the scale, he's gonna do it. Don't test him. Just don't do it.

OneChele said...

It was a fail of epic proportion.

OneChele said...

You and me are right >here<

miz jj said...

So he wasn't really a good man if he was creeping for like six months with CSF. That's all I got from that story. GAW actually dodged a bullet and should move on.

FreeBlackMan said...

Girl please, GAW was no damn prize herself.

Carey Jackson said...

All three parties FAIL for me. They deserve whatever they get. Trifling fools.

OneChele said...

It really should be. Don't overshare or make him look so good that everybody wants him. Folks are shady.

Myas Mom said...

Ouch David!!! But say it again! Great way to sum it up.

superwoman said...

this woman's a complete idiot. the architect of her own destruction. imbecile! i can only imagine how stupid the guy felt when he realised that the whole time he was being honest with her about this woman pushing up on him, she was acting all innocently ignorant - i'm sure that's what pushed him over the edge. no one wants to be made to feel an idiot and mistrusted.....

she needs to stop firing off bitter emails and learn to take her spanking like a big girl - she set this train in motion, she can hardly be surprised when she rolls into heartbreak station. fool. *irritated just thinking about this....*

storm529 said...

This entire scenario sounds like the plot from the movie, "Chloe." SMDH.

LMO85 said...

I have to agree with you, just UGH to all of this....everyone should have known and done better in this scenario and they all sound like dumb ass losers to me.

YardieChicie said...

This is some straight-up high school ABC Family drama bullshiggity. All three parties need a Come To Jesus moment over this - GAW for setting this up, so-called Friend for going along with it and THEN snaking GAM, and GAM for using his Johnson over his brain. Too much juvenile behaviour in one post.

I make it my business not to ask about my friends' love lives at all. I don't care to know anything about your man apart from his name and if he's treating you the way a gentleman ought to treat his lady. Anything other than that is not for me to know.

OneChele said...

LOL at the comments, so I guess we all agree that this is a What Not To Do?!

OneChele said...

never saw it but I'm looking it up now.

BB Waite said...

Everybody in this story is too damn grown to be acting like this.

baileyqc said...

That's painful to hear but when I think about it, probably true.

donell said...

ima go against the grain here and say that rather than GAM - ol boy is OAM - okay ass man. GAM pass the daily tests of life/manhood no matter how many times (or even unfairly or bone-headedly motivated) they are given. being human (and testosterone laden) i could see OAM slipping once, MAYBE twice with CSF - but six months of tom-foolery with her...ummmm no. at the time he found himself caught up in CSF's web of sunshine (tell your mother i ain't coming home!) - he should have walked away or come clean with GAW. period.

but barring that best-case scenario - when OAM discovered he's been led astray all around - it should have been deuces to bof dem...um...ladies.

@ my man david chase's comment - when you have true ethics - developed over time and with maturity (not just ethics in theory or in times of convenience) opportunity, availability and likelihood of getting caught are irrelevant.

untested ethics, like faith and love, are not really. it's natural for GAW to have concerns...her mistake was forcing a false scenario to test OAM (versus letting life, the divine and even OAM himself) reveal to her who he *truly* was.

Crystal said...

Ummm... So he basically left one shady lady for another shady lady. I would really like to know from him why he would want to make someone who was involved in a "test" and who kept on pushing up on someone who knew he was in a relationship his wife. Why not just be done with both of them, he must like drama, or be really naive. But then again I know that the CSF probably made it sound like she was just an innocent bystander who was just trying to be a good friend and got her heart caught up in the mist of the mess. That is soooo dishonest and shady, why do people do this? Just why, don't y'all know karma is a big fat Bit@$!!!!

beautifulcurare said...

I read this and heard Fred Sanford in my head...That Big Dummy...Just Dumb! I hope she reads all the comments and sees how DUMB she was..as stupid as...as...as a penguin in a turtleneck...just don't make any sense...

datdudeincali said...

I think the whole mess was premature seeing as they were only six months into the relationship - that's early for tests of faith. And I also doubt GAW's story about what went on between GAM and CSF, at a certain point she had (has) no clue. For all she knows GAM and CSF been kicking it since Day One looking for the right time to cut her loose. This scenario makes me tired.

derek love said...

Yes, on this we can all agree. Now as to who is more stupid, more at fault or more treacherous... that's the only debatable issue here.

Myas Mom said...

As my uncle would say, "Now you are stupid!".....She don't know that two horses have two asses!

Jadaloves said...

I've been following and reading your blog for a few weeks. First I must say I love your blog...your stories are totally outrageous and hilarious. Now on to this kimfoolery.

I really want to know what this grown woman was thinking sending a beautiful woman after her man...and her "friend" at that. I'm just astounded that people think these antics are okay or even warranted. She messed this up for herself, but I guess sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Some folks need to learn when leave well enough ALONE!

Leon X said...

The main thing we can take from this situation is that we need to take responsibility for the things we do right and wrong in a relationship. I'm sure GAW saw nothing wrong with involving CSF in her relationship with GAM and feels slighted that CSF and GAM ran off together. We all want the praise when things are good. When things are bad we look to blame someone else.

OneChele said...

Welcome and thank you! Excellent points!

AppleBerryMIA said...

This is why we love Leon - truth served on a pretty platter.

GrownAzzMan said...

Unbelievable!

Stank_0 said...

Man face tests such as do her girlfriends like me test, but answer your question, no I wouldn't.

Jasmin said...

I'm just trying to think of a tactful way to send this to some (ahem) friends who think that they should test their men by creating fake Facebook/AIM profiles. How many years after graduating high school do you get a pass?

Hidi said...

Wait, wait...pls give me a sec to pick myself off the floor. ROTFL! I cannot believe she did that. This situation is so high school. Chele, is this really a true story??? I just cannot believe someone can be so stupid. I can't wrap my brain around it. LOL

Myas-mom said...

Jasmin there is no tactful way, nor should there be. Simply send them the link to this blog, or share this on your facebook page, or do a print screen and email it to them. Whatever! Just get the message to them!

sunt97 said...

I can't imagine ever saying I am going to test my man by involving another woman. I know I have done some shady man testing things, usually me not speaking as much as I normally do. Like you said you just don't tell your girls everything or put them in that position because if you are telling them how good your man is and you are telling your man that your girl is a freak, things may jump off. And as wrong as it might be for them to get it, you made it happen to prove a point.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Melzie said...

Talk about some gutter bucket nonsense! She went looking for him to slip up and helped him do it. Duh!

Mel said...

Wow another a GAM bites the dust...;lol

Karen Caffee said...

"...Girl, I'm sorry but you're stupid. Put plain, you let the enemy into your camp having already handed them the blueprint and strategy to get to the prize. WDDDA?..."

WDDDA? In Dumbville!

LMO85 said...

Wow--you spoke the truth I couldn't put into words. How....sexy. Thank you brother!

Rosey said...

Reading this post was like taking several blows to the gut! Just wrong, wrong and WRONG! How could this GAW be soooooo damn stupid?! If I ever thought of testing a potential GAM, I will remember this post and let the assanine thought pass like gas...DAYUM...I'm still hurting.

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