Tuesday, July 13, 2010

No Shiggity: Please grow up

Cue the music... Hit it Teddy: "I like the way you work it. (No shiggity) Got to back it up. (Back it up) No shiggity. No doubt." What? That's not the way the song went? Maybe we can get T.R. to remake "No Diggity" into "No Shiggity" just for us... whatcha think? No? Okay... moving on.

Welcome to No Shiggity Week on BnB! For those A Different World aficionados out there, in the last two seasons Jenifer Lewis played the Dean who walked around with a notebook and anytime someone got out of line she wrote it down and said through clenched teeth, "You are ON. MY. LIST!" Tell 'em, sister. Point is... this week, I have a list too. 

Let's start out with grown folks (over the age of 25) who still act childish. I mean childish to the point where you have to say and wonder, "Seriously?" I have no patience for that form of shiggity. 

Here are some examples...

Vince, New Dude's friend, rolled over to his house at one a.m. (Yes, that's 1:00 in the mornin') Saturday and laid on the doorbell. Now it just so happened that I had drunk coffee at 6:00 pm and New Dude had taken a five hour nap and we were wide awake on the sofa... that's not the point. The point is why is a 42-year old man showing up at his friend's house uninvited after dark on the regular? Derrick, to his credit, did not move once he leaned back and saw it was Vince's car out front. He pulled out his cell and sent a text: "Not coming to the door, go the eff home." Vince hit the doorbell one more time and Derrick typed: "If you're bleeding call 911. Drunk? Call a cab. Otherwise, bye." We heard Vince muttering something under his breath as he walked back to his car. Grow up and get some manners. And a new girlfriend to occupy your time.

My friend that I'll name Jackie is a single parent with one daughter in college, no job and a retirement plan that she already borrowed against. She just turned fifty. Still talking about opening some sort of company (she hasn't defined exactly what it will do or how) and making her first million. No real plans, nothing in the back, no real anchor if something else goes wrong. She's just kinda out there in the wind. Waiting on the lottery or Prince Charming, I don't know. Grow up and get a clue. Even if you have to start entry level again somewhere, you can put in five years and re-vest in a retirement plan. 

This next one hurts me to write but it must be done. I've had three of my virtual "little brothers" reach out in the past week for relationship advice. All three are professional single men over the age of 30 living in large major cities. They are employed and working their way up and all three swear they are tired of dating and ready to find Mrs. Right. They came at me with the "I can't find a woman to meet my standards" line. And as of last week, all three of them were juggling multiple women (good women at that) and still looking to add more to the playlist. If you are serious about finding The One, grow up and quit playing with many. These women are auditioning to be your wife, not part of a rotating team. Pick your best single option, see how far it goes and cut everyone else loose. You really don't have to sample all 31 flavors at Baskin-Robbins once you find one that's your favorite. Welcome to your thirties.

Okay, off the soapbox for the day. Do you have a few "please grow up" points you'd like to make today? Thoughts, comments, insights?

39 comments:

ASmith said...

I'm bopping to the version of "No Shiggity" playing in my mind. Not Diddy-Bopping, Lord no. Just regla bopping.

I'm not touching the last one because... SMH... whatevs.

Jackie sounds like a lot of folks I know. Lots of ideas, no plans and I can't take you seriously with lots of ideas and no plans when you're like 35, let alone 50. I mean, dream big and all that but put some feet to words at SOME POINT. When my girls and I first broached the topic of our standards for guys we might want to meet, I quickly began explaining that by "ambition" I meant "he has a goal and everyday does something towards reaching said goal..." I'm a tangible type person.

I won't touch Vince either. Vince needs... Lawd what did Derrick do about Vince before you? Did he put up with that mess then? Is that why Vince thinks this is cool? It's 1am... if he showed up at a woman's spot, that'd be a booty call, no? Ok. I'ma leave it rat there.

Top of my list to grow up are:
People over the age of 25 who still do dumb stuff just to get attention. Especially in the virtual world known as Twitter/Facebook
People who shoot up places of business because they're mad at their girlfriend (just happened in Albuquerque)
And finally, people who can't admit when they're wrong.

daisy said...

Let me get a big cosign on so-called grown folks that cannot admit when they have made a mistake or say a simple I'm sorry. So irritating.

MeetCharlieL said...

Thinking if I emailed you about my relationship drama this week... no, I'm good. But a little bit guilty of your third gripe. Just want to make the right choice.
Oh, and thanks for having Teddy Riley's voice stuck in my head the rest of the day.

Rob said...

My "Please Grow Up" peeve of the day - Please use your words, I cannot read your mind.
Oh and stop freeloading.
Vince needs to be put in check. Harder than New Dude is currently handling it. The bachelor hang out days are over. New Dude better tell him now or it's going to get worse. Vince is that guy.

Just passing by said...

Some days your truth hits a little too close to home. *kicks trashcan and walks out*

diamond life said...

In a related question, didn't Social Media just give attention hos brand-new platforms - sheesh! I mean if you are of a certain age worrying about how to keep your number of followers/friends up - there's a problem. Oh, maybe that's Chele's point - People need to grow up.

rozb said...

My please grow up gripe is anyone over the age of wearing Pampers not having an actual bank account. If you want to be grown, then do grown things like banking and paying your bills using your financial tools that come with banking. You don't have to be Flthy McNasty rich, but preferring to use a check-cashing place when you make enough to live on your own and pay multiple bills is not a good look. I understand some people get in situations that have them hemmed up financially, but in this day and age to choose to do your banking at the same place where they do pay day loans and sell chicken is just setting yourself up for no success at all. Anyone can get a bank account - bad or good credit.

OnlyMe said...

Side-eye...

datdudeincali said...

Please grow up and get you a car, bus pass, metro card, bicycle or skates. New gym shoes even. Do not assume I will be your personal chauffeur.

Beentheredoneittwice said...

Uuuuuugh! My pet peeve is grown folks who do the same thing or participate in the same behavior day after week after month after year and expect different results. Then they turn right around and have the unmitigated gall to want to complain when things remain the same... Excuse me? Are you serious??!

EMD said...

Jugglin multiple women, 31 flavors, women auditioning to be your wife. My thoughts: Any "real grown" man who is serious about finding "Mrs. Right", will not continue to do any of the above once he has come across a woman who he thinks is worth his time. As long as women are auditioning, they are all going to be on their best behavior, bring their "A game", put on the best show so that they remain competitive. For a man to make a decision from amongst these "competitors" will more than likely land him nowhere. Because as soon as she can let her guard down and feel comfortable that she has him, the real person that she is will come out, and usually with no warning. You have to spend one-on-one time with a person, get to know them and they get to know you, learn each other's idiosyncracies, and let the "real" come out. (Get past the representatives!) And yes not all will turn out to be "the one", it may take a little time to find her. But it would help if you really knew what you were looking for. However, it's far better than picking your wife out the bunch competitors cause she had the best game. Cause in the end you will get played!

ASmith said...

Like my friend's boo who has $5k in a safe at the house and no bank account

Why? He doesn't want his crazy ex to take him for his loot. Understandable.

I was like, do you know how much you could have if you'd had HALF of that $5k in a CD over the last year? SMH. It's 2010, people. Let's get with it on financial literacy, please.

rozb said...

This one "gentleman" was telling me he wanted to open a barber/beauty shop and wanted to get a business grant, but he didn't have a bank account. Then he said he had great credit, but he traveled by bus totally broke becuase he had to use all his money to pay bills before stuff got cut off. And his paycheck did not get posted to his debit card in time for his trip so he hoped his mama would send him some cash. He is 41. 'Nuff said...

BrendaKay51 said...

I'd like to pass the plate of 'No Shiggity, Please Grow Up' to those individuals who know they are doing extra wrong and foul in their lives, get caught red handed and then expect for you as their friend to be understanding, compassionate and even sympathetic towards them. Ahhhh...NO!

This in particular goes out to ------. Sleeping with your hairdresser's husband in their marital bed, then getting caught buck naked in a horizontal position, when the hairdresser came home early, receiving a beat down so severe that you were hospitalized over the weekend, as well as having to suffer the embarrassment and indignity of hearing the attending police officers remarking that the wife did a 'Mike Tyson' on you and the husband. This is called "KARMA" my dear.

And it is my sincere hope that this experience, will finally cause you to grow up. And no, I am not sorry in the least for laughing as you told me the story. Instead of being mad at me, you should be deeply grateful that your former hairdresser didn't shoot your skanky behind!

jasmine said...

#3 made me squirm. I've been having this exact same convo with my brother for the past two weeks who insists that he hasn't found one out of the four he's juggling to commit to an exclusive relationship with yet. I finally had to tell him that its possible to be a man and a ho, and nobody wants a ho, so if he was serious about finding someone he needs to get serious and stop playing with folks. Or they'll start playing him. We spoke on some other issues, hung up, didn't speak for a couple days, then he called me for some advice on how to slim the pack down. He said he was verbally 'smacked upside the head' and will miss the attention and variety (#31flavors, #hotendencies) .

OneChele said...

Oh. My! Took no time at all for that Karmic Boomerang to bounce back...

Mr. Skyywalker said...

In defense of the fellas, sometimes you really have more than one favorite flavor of ice cream. That being said, very quickly you do have to figure what is your most favorite and see if you can stick with that. Cuz on the real - all those flavors don't play well together.

OneChele said...

Oh, um - sorry?

SingLikeSassy said...

Wait, wait wait wait WAIT! Vince, the dude that thought ol' girl "wasn't the one" and is waiting to see if "something better comes along" is 42-gotdayum-years-old?!

SingLikeSassy said...

Yep. The wrong combination can make your stomach hurt.

SingLikeSassy said...

Ew

SingLikeSassy said...

I want grown women who say they want a husband to stop dating men who are not ready to be husbands. If he doesn't have a job, has no car and lives day-to-day and check to check, he is not prepared to be a husband and father. Either admit YOU don't want to be married and you like dating raggedy mofos so you can stop stressing yourself out and enjoy whatever you call whatever it is y'all or doing OR start dating someone who wants what you want and has shown that by building a foundation.

Also, don't call me any more crying about some ish raggedy dude wrote to some other woman on Facebook. That's just dumb. I'm two clicks from cutting you off.

SingLikeSassy said...

Great gobs of goo

OneChele said...

Yes ma'am

rozb said...

You got that right...

ConvertingMe said...

I have a personal gripe that falls square in the 'No Shiggity, please grow up' category. Please don't make plans with me or with mine and then A. Don't show up. B. Don't call to change said plans or C. Show up late expecting things to go off like you were in the right being late.

I have cut many people off before our relationships could develop for flaking out on plans. I cannot take you serious if you
1. Don't respect ME enough to call and say 'I'm unable to continue with the schedule we set.'
2. Don't respect YOURSELF enough to develop into a trustworthy person who can be counted as dependable and reliable...

Go buy a clock for $9.99 and a sense of respect - total cost will be $9.99 cause respect is earned no bought.

storm529 said...

LMAO at "Filthy McNasty Rich."

Suebhoney1125 said...

Okay first things first. Vince needs to "get him some business" for real. He is really starting to get the serious "side eye" from me. New Dude has a new Dude-ette, so find something or someone else to do. I'm starting to sense a little "he was my friend first" from him.

My 'No Shiggity' please grow up is for women who can't tell that "He's not that into you" if you ask him where he is if he is out, if he doesnt invite you don't just show up. If he wanted you to be there he would have taken you with him. Stop chasing

Aisha said...

Co-sign on this
Yes on what annoys me about the not growing up: borrowing, its one thing to borrow money when shyt happens and you can't get to the atm but i DO NOT work to support you, you Have a job, learn to budget and save and stop asking me every other week do i have money for gas, you make only ten thousand less than i do what the hell!!

the baby mama who is a bitch for NO good reason, why are you trying to burn a good man? You the one who cheated and he stayed even when everyone else said he should leave he STAYED yet you turn and around and talk about how "No good" he works you don't, you drive a new car, that he pays for, you get your nails, hair and shopping done on his dime and Yet you always dog him out, straight disrespect him infront of your children, his family and friends (your lucky he's a real man and hasn't bitch slapped your ass yet cause i never met a woman who deserved it more) not that i condone it but dang, by time she's done he'll hate women forever

the chick who relies on her family to pick up the pieces eveyday. She seeks drama by not paying her bills ontime then getting the lights cut off you have two kids get it together!!! your getting help from everyone plus both (yes both) baby fathers and you still can't make your money last?!!!?? you come from a great home yet your the one to move to the ghetto and start acting like a hoodrat (for no damn reason) its time to grow up its no longer cute

Aisha said...

damn he is sad sad sad

Aisha said...

damn this should be on the FML stories what the hell is wrong with people? why would you give up a good hairdresser just to get a few minutes pleasure?

mojitochica said...

Don't kick the trash can; just start your plan to grow up.

Penny said...

My pet peeve is folk that never learn from their mistakes. In your description of "New Dude" it appeared that he had made some mistakes in his previous marriage, but it appears he has matured, and is seriously attempting to make some progress in the relationship game. Vince (like so many other folk-both men and women) are still doing the same stupid things, and they never seem to learn from those mistakes and make a conscious effort to do better. In the words of Patti LaBelle, "You say to yourself, Self, is it me?" You should not be making the same mistakes in your 40's that you made in your 20's. Gee whiz-learn to do better.

brownstocking said...

My late 'No Shiggity' goes under 'Holier Than Thou."

To my deacon: we know about your cheating and weed smoking and groping, so don't presume to lecture me about staying in my lane, and letting the deacons lead the church--you can't lead me to water. I stay silent because I love your wife and kids. And they know already. Yet you lecture, ad nauseum about a woman's role, a man's role, Godly men, etc., while we, the women, actually do the work. I refuse to be pimped in my place of worship.

I don't understand how you can sit in the pew week after week, acting as if you really are a solid church leader. It physically pains me at times.

Ugh! I got so angry last week, I called him the N-word, in my head, and I stopped using that word!

Andrea M said...

Seriously, people still doing the same stupid stuff for 10+ years - that's ridiculous

OneChele said...

Check in Thursday where the No Shiggity is all about the Holier Than Thou ;-)

YardieChicie said...

I'm sorry, but I would have laughed too. Must be the Leo in me, but I really hate cheaters - both the married partners, and the side-pieces who don't give a damn who gets hurt. I.e. as long as it's not them.

Hidi said...

You know what...it's not wise to keep all your "eggs in one basket". It is ok to have some money in your house but not all of it. Spread it out. Spread it out.

akilah said...

My "please grow up" goes out to a special someone who retired early, got mad at me for asking what and how were they gonna live on a much reduced check each month, and then they had to come stay with me cause they didn't have the finances to continue living alone o_o. I don't mind helping but when you don't want me asking about your finances now that you have to live with me, yeah ummm that's a problem....grow up and ask a financial advisor for help so your next retirement sticks.

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