Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What’s in your closet? Literally.

Inspired by the topic for tonight's radio show, I decided it was time to literally clean out my closets. What's crazy is that I usually do this twice a year so I'm very confused by some of the things still lurking in there. There are some real "What was I thinking?" items in there. I understand the "I might fit into that one day" section though I've pared that down significantly. My "special occasion" section has been whittled down to the point that if a formal event comes up, I might as well just buy something new. Working from home has me questioning why I still need all those spiffy suits. I am a fairly conservative dresser though I believe in color, most specifically jewel tones. I like basic fabrics like cotton, silk, linen and jersey and anything that has "stretch" in the mix is a win. I tend to skew toward traditional cuts and lines borderline on preppy with one of two trendy pieces thrown in for kicks. But some items I have absolutely no explanation or excuse for.

Here are the worst five:

One – A T-shirt ripped at the shoulder (a la Flashdance) that says in neon colors "Jamaican Me Crazy". I quit buying tees on vacation over ten years ago and this shirt is a small. Without oversharing, I've been in a D cup or larger since the age of 14. There is no size small shirt stretching across here. Conclusion: I don't know whose shirt this was but it's going to be used to polish my car this weekend.

Two – A ruffled wrap blouse in a truly unfortunate shade of green. Somewhere between a rotting lime and baby-poo color. Plus, see the comment about the chest size above, ruffles no bueno. A glance at the tag still attached (FAIL) says it was on sale for $5.99 at Ross Dress for Less. That's no excuse. Conclusion: I was clearly impaired when I purchased this, it's off to Goodwill.

Three – A bronze leather pantsuit. Let me have that sink in for you. Slim cut leather pants in bronze with a matching double breasted jacket. I'm not old enough to have gone to Studio 54 where this suit would have been the bomb diggity. I recall wearing the pants with a baby pink angora sweater with a deep V-neck and baby pink suede ankle wrap stilettos years ago. I also recall rocking the jacket over an all-black outfit more than five years ago. Bless my heart… Conclusion: Definite Goodwill material and praying no one has pictures.

Four – The workout wardrobe. Granted I used to date someone who got unlimited freebies from Nike and Reebok but this is ridiculous. I could work out three times a day for three weeks straight (yes I did the math) and never run out stuff to wear. Crazy since I wear the same three yoga pants and five t-shirts. Plus I was holding onto six (SIX!) of that ninja's jerseys. Seriously? Conclusion: Random workout gear to Goodwill, four of the jerseys to eBay. Two are pro bowl jerseys with a bunch of players' signatures. Holding onto those for collector's items.

Five – Okay so I have a shoe thing. I love shoes. I believe in owning the entire rainbow. I am that matchy-in-a-preppy way chick. But I don't see any reason to own five pairs of orange shoes. Okay one pair is a burnt orange wedge sandal, one is a cantaloupe flat, one was a died-to-match shoe for some wedding I was in years ago and the other two are highly questionable as far their usefulness. The boudoir shoes? Shoes clearly only meant to be worn from the front door to the boudoir, um – we're paring those down. And don't even get me started on my purple shoes. I'm not evolved enough to let those go yet. Conclusion: Some orange, pink, green and taupe shoes are outta here. And I need to understand why I need more than one pair of black patent peep toe Mary Janes. (They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Hello, my name is Michele and I'm a shoe-aholic.)

Those are just some highlights. I'm not sure why I own wide-leg plaid pants, a red lyrca catsuit and a jacket that looks like a circus threw up on it. My travel uniform used to be a crisp white shirt, dark jeans, jacket and loafers. This explains the twelve (at least it wasn't thirteen?) variations on white dress shirt in my closet. I don't know ya'll… I just don't know.

If you get some spare time, I suggest you rifle through the back corners of your closets and see what you can find. Has anyone else found something in their closets that gave them significant pause?

27 comments:

Jackie said...

I try to clean my closet out at least twice a year (switching from warm weather to cold and vice versa). I have been a victim of having too much crap I don't use. The best feeling is when I find something I forgot owned buried beneath the craziness. Plus, it frees up more space for new stuff :-)

Steve said...

Please, please, please - If we take up a collection, can we get a pic of you in the catsuit with the boudoir shoes (damn I learn something everytime I come to this blog - boudoir shoes!? Who knew?)

Last time I moved I found black leather bermuda shorts and a red paisley silk shirt. I plead the fifth.

Vonne716 said...

I need to do the same thing...my closet is getting to the point when I have to take a deep breath and push everything over to the side just to put one thing on the rack. Better yet, I need one of my friends to go in and put things into bags while I'm not there because I'll find some reason to keep everything. Lol

www.madnessatitsbest.blogspot.com

JaymeC said...

I'm trying to reconcile the always impeccably dressed woman with one that owned a bronze leather suit. I cannot. I simply cannot. HA!
I started on mine a month ago, I have much more to do. I turn 47 next month and I still had my prom dress. I'm a psychiatrist, I can analyze that easily... I have work to do.

OneChele said...

I rarely say never but I'm very comfortable saying this is NEVER GONNA happen. ;-)

queenome said...

I see your catsuit and raise you a green silk bustier with matching hotpants. The hell was I thinking? Vanity 6 called and wants their outfit back... what ya'll know about Vanity?

maureen palmer said...

Painfully to admit but I'm not a girly girl. I keep it to a bare minimum (3 pairs of jeans, 5 skirts and 3 nice pair of slacks. I love dresses, I own I think like 6 or 8 pairs and of course enough tops. My rule if i have gone a year without wearing something from my closet,it's time to give up.), I have friend who can't believe how thin my closet is.
I love shoes, bags and belts, but even then, I never own more than 7 pair of shoes at a time. My mentality is replace mentality. My one rule though is own one expensive pair of shoes and a handbag!

Man's World said...

My kryptonite is linen coordinates. My sister came over for an intervention last month. I had dry cleaned starched linen pants, shorts, shirts in the whole rainbow. Yep, I had the fit in canary yellow. And apparently rocking that with the straw fedora and leather "mandals" had me looking like the old uncle at the family cookout. I couldn't get rid of them all but most are gone.

MidWestDominicana said...

So, I was just going to post that in my closet I have a mixture of clothes from high school (including a dress I recently wore out of the house :hangs head in shame:), formal gowns and maternity clothes....howudodat? Iono man, iono.
Fortunately my dressers are stocked with more appropriate clothing for my age, status and umm....hip size.

Pure Choco said...

I got so style-phobic for a a while my entire wardrobe was black, navy, khaki and white. I'm finally exploring color and I like it... not sure I'm ready for the red catsuit

Rob said...

What is the difference between CFM shoes and boudoir shoes? Inquiring minds want to know...

Your girl "C" said...

Hee, hee. Good question. CFM's can be worn inside and outside of the home (picture high-heeled, backless sandels). Boudoir shoes are typically worn with boudoir-wear (usually have some furry thing on the top). Although I have seen some ghetto chicks run down to the corner store for a pint wearing their boudoir shoes and an overcoat.

How'd I do Chele?

OneChele said...

Excellent. Also Le Boudoir shoes are CFMs to the ninth power. For instance, I have boudoir shoes that could be CFMs if I wasn't afraid of breaking my neck on concrete. If I reserve them for the boudoir, I only have to tip a few steps on carpet on hardwood. Nuff said.

jake said...

Now that's informative!

BlackestBerry said...

I have a Flashdance-esque sweatshirt myself, so what you're saying it that I should let it go? ha!

Page Bartlett said...

Shoulder pads. Still in the closet. *slinks out of BougieLand*

baileyqc said...

I'll raise you my Appolonia leather halter-top with the matching capris that laced up the sides. What? Couldn't tell me nothin'. It was club outfit. I wore with red pumps and redder lipstick. I looked like Cha-Cha from Grease. Not a good look.

Lady Loves Hats said...

At the beginning of the year I had over 60 hats. The hubs said cut them by half or he's never buying me another one. It was like giving away children but I'm down to twenty five.

sunt97 said...

I clean my closet out about 4-5 times a year. I literally fill bags up , but my closet never seems to have anymore room than it did before. Right now I need to work on my wool coat collection. I have a about 10 now and they all have something that makes them special. Then there are the 80+ purses and the 20 pairs of jeans. Lordy I need professional help.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Jeannette said...

My clothes closet is not so bad... it was my beauty supply closet that was a got damn shame... 5 cans of mousse..really? 6 conditioners? i got one head y'all...see the thing is i've had so many different hairstyles over the years with different product needs and in the end i threw out 2 big trash bags full of product....expired and old product too... smh

OneChele said...

Don't get me started on the hair stuff. I gave away four boxes full of nonsense about 2 months away. I had mousses and gels and oils and serums along with crimping irons and flat irons and various blow dryers with attachments, a hood dryer, rollers that were painful... hair - what are you gonna do? On a high note, the battered women's shelter that I gave them to loved it. They consider that stuff luxury items and were happy for it.

Hidi said...

I am proud of myself. Few clothes and shoes in my closet. I like to keep it simple but I do have a problem with handbags. I just love them. I can't help myself. I got rid of some last year but the amount never seems to decrease because I am always buying a new one. {shrugs shoulders}

SingLikeSassy said...

I have a maid's outfit. That I wore with fluffy boudoir shoes. That is all.

SingLikeSassy said...

AND a purple jean micro-mini skirt with matching jacket. I wore it with thigh high boots. Don't hate.

Evansaw said...

I have been holding on to my mother's brown London Fog trenchcoat for the last 22 Years (she passed in 1988). I feel so close to her when I see it, it is almost worth lugging around from place to place (I have moved 5 times in the last 22 years). At this point, it is probably a classic. Too bad she was a size 8 and I am a size 22. I will probably never give it up. Now, that Goldenrod-colored jacket with the fake school crest on the pocket, well, that is going to the Goodwill bin tonight......

Laser Cutting Leather said...

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Laser Cutting Leather said...

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