Monday, June 21, 2010

So… some folks aren’t feeling Father’s Day?

Let Daddy have a day!

Yesterday something happened that I did not think was possible… Twitter shocked me. I really thought I'd seen everything there was to see in Twitlandia. But nothing prepared me for the outpouring of bitter bile over Father's Day. People went on epic tragic 140-character rants about the men who donated sperm to give them life. (Yep, someone described their father that way – wince.) I was informed that folks were getting down the same way on Facebook but I had not the energy to look.

I mean wow. I'm not naïve; I fully understand that not everybody had WonderDad but oooh weee, some folks either had Lucifer come to earth as their father or no father at all. But I have to wonder, what does sharing your "my dad wasn't shiggity" story to the whole world on Father's Day do for you? It's a vent, okay and now what?

I actually had someone tell me I was "rubbing it in" that I was raised in a two parent household with a good father. Um, I still miss my dad. I was trying to get through the day without weeping buckets. I didn't realize that it was some sort of competition: My dad is better than your dad? Really, after all these years? We didn't leave that behind in pre-school?

There was also the crazy dynamic of people trying to out-do each other with the most tragic "My Dad used to" stories. Again, what does airing all that scandal net you at day's end?

Oh, and lest I forget… the women going IN on their baby-daddys. Sweetheart, you thought that man was good enough for something at least one time. During that bump 'n grind were you worried about his deadbeat tendencies, immaturity and inability to connect emotionally? I'm not judging, I'm just saying no matter how trifling yo BabyDaddy may be; he's still the father of your child. Bashing him on the Innanets does nothing good. Truthfully, any bashing in a public forum is a co-parenting fail but I'll leave that to relationship experts to discuss.

Speaking of experts, I've been told by psychologists that children of devastating upbringing should be given to age twenty-one to face it, to age twenty-five to start dealing with it and to age thirty to put it behind them. The thought process being that at some point you cannot keep trotting out your childhood as reasons not to move forward and be all you can be. I don't know if this true but based on what I saw yesterday, a lot of folks still have a lot to deal with.

No doubt there's a time and place to call out faulty fathers, I can't say I believe that Father's Day is it. Let the current and future fathers that are striving hard to do the right thing have their day. Monday is soon enough to go in on the trifling ones.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this one. Is Twitter Daddy-bashing justified? Is there ever a good time to air your dirty laundry? Do these stories help or hinder? Am I just clueless? Comments and insights welcome…

77 comments:

melhopkins2012 said...

I think Father's day is the best day to tell the world how you really feel about your father. No one ever said Father's day had to be a "hallmark for when you care to send your very best - as a matter of fact I think there will be a new father's day card line coming out for next year lol

Sweetpea said...

Wow! My Dad wasn't the best father, but I don't think he had a good example either. Some men attempt to do better, and some just follow the trend. With that being said, I had to forgive him. I decided that I didn't want to cast a shadow over my future relationships because of my dad's treatment of his children, wife and step-children. You only have a little time on this earth, why waste it being bitter? I'm living my life like it is golden. Forgiveness is golden and freeing.

Kimistry101 said...

I was raised in a two-parent household up until I was 10 when my parents divorced, but I was always a daddy's girl and that didn't stop after the divorce. I had a great Dad and a great relationship with my Dad and better than that, my folks remained the best of friends. No animosity whatsoever after the divorce. My dad succumbed to cancer in 2003, I took care of him as he battled cancer and eulogize him when he died. Personally, I never experienced not having my father's presence and love so it's something I can't relate to, so I won't even speak on it someone elses pain that I've never experienced. Those folks lashing out on twitter, I'm sympathetic, make no judgments and have no criticism. What I did not appreciate were the single mother shoutouts on Father's Day.

SingLikeSassy said...

Interesting. I love my daddy and sent him a cool little gift that he loved. He isn't/wasn't perfect and neither is/was my mom but I turned out OK so they did something right.

I asked my husband if he wished he had a relationship with his dad (his stepdad did not try to be a "dad" to him). He said he didn't know what he had missed so he didn't spend any time thinking about it cause what was the point of that?

Folks still holding on to the hurt and bitterness, should do whatever they need to do to let that go. It's done now, it can't be undone and what benefit is there to dwelling on it and remaining angry and hurt?

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

I cried yesterday.

The End.

ASmith said...

One of my favoritest quotes from my BFF is, "But the way I see it, by the time your ass is 15 the lack of Daddy and the pressures of how-to-be-a-black-man-in-a-white-world excuses are null and void and you are subject to any and every ass whipping coming your way."

One the one hand the fact that you see so many people who need to vent about their fathers on a day meant to appreciate the men out there who step up and do their job is kinda sad. I think it's real commentary on the society we live in. I don't think single moms (and this is NO shade to single moms, the job is hard enough) think to do enough to make sure their child appropriately deals with an absentee father. My mom once told me how proud she was that I hadn't let my father's absence effect me. She was super wrong about that.

Having one, there are few things in this world that irritate me like a deadbeat dad, but Fathers' Day wasn't created to bash them. It was created to celebrate Dads and if you don't have one (not even a play stand in one) detracting from those who do is no bueno.

But then again, what are you supposed to do on a day that seems to some to only exacerbate dormant feelings?

baileyqc said...

I saw some of it on Facebook and was a little taken aback by some of the extreme anger. I guess everybody has to speak their truth. I just don't remember all the bad mommy backlash on mother's day.

Rob said...

I saw it as a really sad and tragic commentary. As you like to say apparently we all need to Just.Do.Better. Then again, some of these folks well past the age where they need to let go and let God already.

313roller said...

i like a previous poster can't speak to the pain of those who did not have thier father. i just know i was happy to have mine for 23 years. there is not a day that goes by that i don't think about him and wish he was still here, he died in 1996. he was a great teacher one who i continue to learn from even in his absence b/c of the life he lived. i can only pray that those who didn't have their father in their life that they find a way to move past the pain and live a life free of bitterness and full of peace.....

Dr. Peppa said...

My father had his share of issues (cue understatement here) but I just ignore Father's Day. No need to use it as a platform to air all of that. And you are correct - at some pointyou just have to say it is what it is and get on with it

OnlyMe said...

I'm not for the airing of family drama ever let alone Father's Day but that's just me?

JustPassingBy said...

Ugh - the single mother shout outs. No shade and God Bless but a mother is not a father. Period.

Leesh said...

We can only wish we could celebrate father's day on a high note. I so wish that for eveyone little child. Father's Day for me is Daughter's day, dreams deffeered.. My father was killed when I was 14yrs old. So tragic, there are no words you or anyone can posibly tell me that would move me to another level. Just let us be.

rickyfontain said...

Well I would say if you grew up with your father and had a great relationship you just really can't understand why people feel the way they feel. You just can't. The internet is a new forum that often allows people to say things they have always wanted to say and the truth is many people hate Father's day and have hated it since the first time the kindergarden teacher said "Today we are going to make Father's day cards!" not realizing half the class had no fathers. I don't think people are out to bash Father's but this is just like people who hate Christmas. Father's day is not a great day for everyone. I can remember a girl in college getting mad at me for sayin somethin she thought was insensitive about my father. I remember thinking "B**** you don't even know anything about my life to make a judgement about what I just said. My father aint your father. Now add to this...the fact that every other day we gotta hear about how mentally insane we are supposed to be for not having fathers. How defective we are for not growing up in a two parent househould. So yeah.....don't be mad if some of us don't really want any part of Father's day.

True Story from Yesterday: Was listening to Go Go on the radio. My man Big G comes on. G is the dude that played Slim Charles on the Wire. He is Go Go band leader, DJ and all around hood star in DC. Anyway, the radio was playing back voicemails people could leave about their father. G comes on at the end and says, "My memory of my father is when I was like three he bought me big wheel and watched me ride for like three hours.....and then I never seen the sucker again." I was cracking up laughing. If yall know G he is known for keeping it real and tellin funny stories. But it's funny this topic came up cause he was definitley feeling like F father's day.

JaymeC said...

A lot of people struggle on Father's Day. But just like you didn't attack people for their feelings, they should be mad at you for yours. Theirs just a lot of "daddy stuff" out there. Not sure airing it helps or hurts in a forum with random feedback from strangers but that's the counselor in me talking.

rickyfontain said...

From my expierience, at least for men, most dudes I know without Father's don't really spend a lot of time harping on it. I mean you don't really miss something you never had. In most black neighborhoods not having a father is the norm. I don't think you would really have all the bashing going on if the whole Father's day thing wasn't so in your face. Kinda like being and indian and everyone keeps telling you how great Christopher Columbus was. Or not having a car.....and once a year commercial on TV is telling you how great cars are and how stupid you are for not having one.

Bottom line. Don't judge people.

Violet Rose said...

Like you said it's not a competition. My Dad died when I was 5, my stepdad bailed when I was 13, I only understood the concept of father through my uncle who retired from the army when I was 15 and was there for me and my family. The point of Father's Day is to celebrate fatherhood. If you have nothing to celebrate so be it. It's not your day. We get it.

Leon X said...

There was a terrific discussion about that on Twitter yesterday and I have to agree. My mother was a lot of great things growing up. Being my father wasn't one of them.

Ola said...

I have "Daddy issues," but I need to take them up with Dad or God. Father's Day is not the time and the Internet is not the place.

JaymeC said...

No one was judging and no one was gloating. That was the point. Everyone owns their own experience. Bottom line, not everything should be a confrontational public point of debate.

Page Bartlett said...

Amen and amen. That is all.

rickyfontain said...

Well the don't judge comment wasn't aimed at you. It was aimed at people that said people shouldn't speak ill of their Father's on Father's day. I was just sayin, let people do what they want to do.

Like I said. Italian Americans celebrate Columbus as a hero on Columbus day. For Native Americans it may as well be Happy Genocide Day. We have different perspectives and right feel what we want to feel.

Guest said...

Yesterday was bittersweet. I can't relate to the hate from yesterday because I had an awesome father. He took care of Mum and his children till his dying day. I was just sad that the majority of backlash was from us. It made me really sad to see the state of our family unit (not that I didn't know what it was but this just made it a reality). The only people I o_O were the Baby Mamas (because thats what they acted like) bashing their kid(s) fathers. One was this hilarious lady with multiple BDs, I was glad when someone told her to sit down and reflect on why she subjected her kids to such a life. Anyway, it made me really sober. Too many people without fathers. Goes to show that the whole "fathers are not needed" thing is alllllll wrong.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Mass protest movements most surprise those who have been looking the other way.

MeetCharlieL said...

Sometimes it snows in April...since we're all fortune cookie today.

OneChele said...

Ooo-kay, let's all play nice in the comments section today shall we?

Ms_Smart said...

Uh, unless they are bashing their mother too (for choosing to lay down with someone sorry) they may as well get themselves in some order and seek help, privately.

Ms_Smart said...

Uh, unless they are bashing their mother too (for choosing to lay down with someone sorry) they may as well get themselves in some order and seek help, privately.

Sarah said...

Life isn't a competition. And telling the world of the love you have for your father and the way he encouraged you and your siblings is good. I really enjoyed yesterday's post. I could tell there was sadness mixed in from your missing him. Quiet person that I am I listen to all the chatter around me and keep coming back to the thought that each life is an individual event and not a statistical average. Our happiness and sorrow are our own. I have my sorrows, but I know that time passes and never comes back no matter what I do. Throughout the course of every life there will be enough sorrow to fill buckets. It is a guarantee. There can also be enough happiness to balance it out. But for the most part, you have to go find the happiness. I'm trying to make a point of not thinking about the last boyfriend, but he is an example of somebody who hasn't let anything go. Every time we would be having a good day - a fun adventure or just a pleasant time - for a while he would be happy, but then by the end of the day it would seem like the happiness made him angry. And he would be back to telling his angry and unhappy stories. I tried to convince him gently to let go of his anger, but he wouldn't. He acted as though if he let it go, then it would be saying that those who he felt had wronged him were right in doing what they did. And he would say 'you don't understand.' Well, actually I think I did, but this is how it is with some people. They don't think anybody knows their pain. But we all have pain. The fact that I don't replay mine every day doesn't mean it hasn't been there. There were many reasons why I left him. This was a major part of it. With all due modesty, I was as good to him as I'm capable of being to anybody. And at times I think he knew it, but the angry side of him won in the end. Ultimately, we all get to choose. If you chose to hold onto to your anger like he has, then you may well end up alone leaving a trail of wreckage along the way.

Kimistry101 said...

Exactly. When my sister was the head of the PTA there was a Father/Daughter dance. A lesbian Mother wanted make the school say it was okay for her partner to attend as a stand-in Father.. true story. Of course the answer was no.

FreeBlackMan said...

Naive and clueless? No. But you do seem to want a world around you where everything is pleasant and polite and pastel colored. You can't close your eyes to the reality that not everybody had what you had and some people are going ot be mad about it.

OneChele said...

I'm going to try not to overreact today because I get that people feel strongly about this topic. But I will not apologize for liking things pleasant and polite, that's my truth. I can't go with you on the pastels, I'm more of a vibrant, jewel tone person myself. And let me assure you that I recognize my blessings and am fully aware that not everyone was as fortunate.

Nick said...

First time commenting..
I didn't get any of the twitter-bashing that so many complained about yesterday.. I'm with you here, what does all of that negativity do FOR YOU!? Whether or not we want to believe it, whenever someone harbors unforgiveness, it affects that person. The person who's offended you has usually gone on about their business and is living their life.
Being over 30, I will say that it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I realized that I wanted to forgive my father. Over the last year, he's called me and even though the conversation was strained, I appreciate the fact that he's still alive for me to try and heal the past.
I can't imagine how this would affect someone. Why would any man want to get into a relationship with someone that is harboring such hate from years ago? Maybe I'm not looking at it clearly, but doesn't that make the woman just a little bit ugly? personality-wise...
I understand we expect certain things from parents because they should know better, but that isn't always the case..
Let it go, and work on you....

Grace said...

Family issues are tough. I try really hard not to judge anybody's reality good or bad. But I will agree that at a certain point you want to hear some people sing a different note of a different song. Or is that me being pastel - I'm so stealing that from FBM.

tiffanyinhouston said...

So, myself and Chele who had/have active loving fathers in our homes should be ashamed because we do and did have that and that's how WE grew up???? Nah son. I'm not co-signing that. I am well aware of reality. But just like I don't diminish other folks realities about their fathers, I don't think I should have to diminish mine either just to make some else feel better.

miz jj said...

I don't follow a lot of people on twitter, but I read about how some people were going in on their father's. I think it speaks to a bigger issue. How not having a father really affects and hurts people. Yes, we can say "Get over it", but maybe that's easy to say since we had a good fathers. I tweeted all the great things mine did for me. So I guess others are free to go the other way.

SassyNOLa said...

this is what i find strange- how is someone else lamenting about their father taking away from you celebrating yours? people have reported that others were bashing their own fathers. were folks being bashed for celebrating their fathers? asked to stop basking in their father's love? if not, i think it's weird and creepy as hell for you to take someone else's frustrations with their dads as an attack on your love for your father. WTF. how are people drawing these parallels? this is just a whole bowl of crazy.

Happyaboutthis said...

As someone mentioned it's not a competition. But people were not only competing in terms of bitterness they were also competing in terms of who had the best Daddy--which I also found to be sickening. Not just because no one's daddy is better than mine (shameless plug) but because: Just as it disturbs people to see daddy bashing on father's day, it also disturbs people to have to see others brag about the great father they had. Since life is not fair, people had to deal with both. I was not feeling the people who were telling people what not to tweet. If someone is bashing men/daddy's/fathers/their father and you don't like it, unfollow them. But don't tell people how to use their timeline. That's a general rule.

And like someone said, Hallmark created this holiday, it's up to the individual how they use it. I've been known to vent on twitter about things, and I'm sure if I had a worthless father I'd vent about that too on father's day and any other day of the week that the urge hit me.

rickyfontain said...

But yall are acting like the people are bashing their fathers 24/7 365. Yesterday was Father's day. Like I said, most dudes without father's don't spend much time at all talking about it. We just move on and do what we gotta do. But on Father's day people are constantly sharing about their father's. It only makes sense to me that people that had bad experiences are gonna share their bad experiences.

Have yall ever noticed that if a movie has violence or rape in it they let you know before the movie starts so you have the opportunity to leave in case you have flashbacks. Well on an occasion like Father's day, which may bring up painful emotions or memories, you are bombarded with triggers and most people could care less about what the day means to you. The holiday itself triggers these emotions so I think people could be a little more sensitive. It's not like people decided to have a day to bash their pops or lack of pops. To be truthful, in example like the one I gave below about G, he was just sharing his only memory of his father. Whats true is true.

Nadette@Eat, Read, Rant! said...

I don't think it's ever appropriate to air your business online. I know there are a lot of grown people walking with some serious hurt when it comes to fathers. And while I definitely agree that grown people need to get past their pain, deal with it, and move on, I certainly see it around me everyday, that it's easier said than done. A lot of times, people have to first see outside of themselves to realize they need to make such changes. And when those folks keep living their lives with their heads down, hurt, tired, and frustrated, it's really hard to get there. I'm not excusing it, but I see why it's so hard. I think it's really sad that people would lash out at you and your beautiful experience with your father. Side eye to those folks. Hope you had a good father's day.
*Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy*-Anonymous

tiffanyinhouston said...

@Sassy, to answer your question, it isn't. But in her post Chele noted that someone mentioned she was "rubbing it in" because she reminisced about her deceased father and their love for each other. Seriously?? That's the height of ridiculousness And that's some projection for yo' ass.

thinklikeRiley said...

Got-damn people! Waitin' to hate on Daddy Day? Where was all this ish on Mama Day? Know ya'll had some bs mamas - ain't nobody called her out. Daddy do the best he can. If it still sucked, move on. Don't nobody wanna hear that ish. Yeah, I sad it. All ya'll with daddy issues - sit yo' dysfunctional ass down.

rickyfontain said...

This should be obvious. According to most statistics black people were more than likely raised by their mothers. So of course you are not gonna have mother bashing. Even if moms wasn't the best we say she did the best she could. An absent father that never even tried doesn't get the same sympathy.

Brown Babe said...

{{hug}}

Tazzee said...

Thank God none of the folks I follow did this. My fathers was pretty trifling, but I call him every Father's Day and send him a card. Admittedly, it's difficult to find a card that simply says "Happy Father's Day" without all the extra - but I search long and hard each year. Why? Because he's part of who I am today and I love who I am today. Same with my mother - she was worse than my father (I was raised by my grandmother) but I send her a card (with money) every year.

I love what the experts say because that's pretty much how it worked for me - another reason why life REALLY started for me in my 30s.

And eventhough my father wasn't the Daddy I always wanted - I LOVE to see others honor their fathers. It warms my soul - so thanks for sharing about yours.

Brown Babe said...

I too have "daddy issues"...but I would never think to publicly bash my father or anyone else that was basking in the glow of their daddy's love - that's just sad. There was a whole lotta bitter going around yesterday...I also took issue yesterday with the FB posts that had to qualify that their happy father's day was to the "real dad's". I would rather you not address the issue at all - just no father's day status!

Now, with that said I have to agree with the psychological assessment - and my current view may be because I am in the over 30 group dealing with my issues. Honestly, I may have been guilty of a bitter, hateful sentiment in my early years also.

I took the time to honor the wonderful dads I know, I consider them a blessing not only to their own children, but to me...they give me hope! Any thing else need not be addressed.

MidWestDominicana said...

My question is, if you are a parent that grew up with an absent or poor father figure, are you stepping up your parenting game? You can never go backwards in time and fix the experiences you had, but you can heal by moving forward and focusing in on your strengths and building up your weaknesses. While some wounds may never fully heal, what good does it do to keep reopening them? How does gangrene help your soul? Are your children proud of you? What will they say when it's their turn on the interwebs to dish about their homelife?
As for the folks saying that those of us who were raised in two parent homes and know our fathers to be good or at least marginally responsible and loving are "rubbing it in", I feel bad for your hurt, but don't hate on us. We did not get to choose the parents who raised us. I hope that your heart heals and quickly, but I am going to keep on appreciating who I am and where I came from.
Don't let your miseries continue to rule. Take that negative energy and turn it into something that makes your life worthwhile. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Jus sayin.

thinklikeRiley said...

Son - you might wanna check the tone and tude. If it was "obvious" I wouldn't have mentioned it.

Peter Parker said...

not everyone has the same past...but everyone has a choice going forward. one can either embrace that anger, embrace that hurt and let it negatively affect their interactions with others, or one can recognize it for what it was, the actions of 1 person in the past.

rickyfontain said...

OK I think some of yall takin this too far. If I had an old car that was a piece of junk and you ask me about it I'm gonna say "That car was a piece of junk." Doesn't mean I'm bitter or resentful or still hurting about the car. I'm just sayin what's true.

A lot of people yesterday were just sayin what was true. But yall are doing exactly what I mentioned on my first thread. Acting like everyone that wasn't raised in a two parent househould is some type of dysfunctional, mentally scared, bitter angry person in need of therapy. This contributes to the dislike many feel for the holiday.

I mean really....it is possible to not have a father, dislike father's day and still be normal. You can still finish college :-). You can even be President.

Oh yeah....I read Dreams from my father......that might have been Barack bashing his pops on twitter. :-)

OneChele said...

So a few reminders about blog posting rules. 1) Play nice 2) Your comments cannot be longer than my post 3) I retain the right to delete comments at a moment's notice for any reason I see fit 4) Play nice
Serial violators will be put in Bougie Jail for 24 -48 hours and subsequently banned. Because as someone below said, I like things polite and pleasant.

BB Waite said...

Woo-sah. Group prayer circle?

blackprofessor said...

Great post from yesterday! I think our fathers were related and I finally managed to get him the perfect present - a Home Depot gift card.

At least those who are going in are voicing their pain instead of pretending it doesn't exist. I don't think it is the healthiest or most effective way to deal with it but it is an acknowledgment of the pain. The therpist in me calls BS on that "I can't miss what I never had attitude" because it arrogantly assumes that one never needed thier father in the first place. I hear a lot of people say that and usually those are the ones who have some serious issues that they don't want to acknowledge.

I long for the day when Black folks realize that we have a lot of pain and trauma in our past lives and collective history, and take some tangible steps to heal.

rickyfontain said...

I'ld comment but I've been covertly shut down by the thought police. This message will self delete in 10, 9, 8

Foxy Brown said...

omg, people. i am fortunate to either not follow anybody who did this or they are smart enough to know and do better. i was raised by my grandparents. both mother's day and father's day raise feelings of inadequacy on my part. i wonder how the two people who should have my back when nobody else will, don't. i cry because i wonder what about me is so disgusting that the folks who made me left me behind and went on with their lives. but damn, i don't knock anybody who had both parents. if i ever have a child, i will redeem my past through being the best mother i can be.

OneChele said...

Thanks for de-lurking!

Peter Parker said...

Home Depot Gift Cards are quite easily.... THE greatest Father's Day gifts, lol. anything that helps Dad in the garden is A-OK, lol.

OneChele said...

BTW - I'm stealing "bowl of crazy"

jake said...

Just wow. I was going to tell a story about how my dad is like Ricky Bobby's - kinda absent and then not. Kinda helpful and then not. But let me just back out of the comment room slowly with my hands up.

Yofabulous said...

Wow. Just wow. Therein lies our collective problem. We can't celebrate with one another. I could easily vent about my absentee father, but I chose to read your post yesterday and be happy for the beautiful relationship you shared with your father and hope that I'm blessed with a man that will that kind of father for my children someday.

Kinglady123 said...

I hope all this dad bashing might help open up some people's mind...maybe prior to getting some from any Tom, Dick or Harry unprotected (since the thought of STD's isn't a deterrent) maybe the thought of some deadbeat being a donor to your most prized possession could help curb all this crazy baby mama, baby daddy crap by people who don't know each other...I think more women might wanna STOP and think about if they know this person well enough to bring up a child with...the answer is probably no and now here goes all this crazy blame...it's getting kinda irritating...men & women need to stop putting themselves in these situations...life is a gift and children need people in their lives that respect each other..if you view your child's other half as that of a donor only...it's not going to produce warm fuzzy feelings for this kid...and then by age 30 they are expected to get over it and not repeat it...ummm not so easy...come on folks lets get this together!

melhopkins2012 said...

"But then again, what are you supposed to do on a day that seems to some to only exacerbate dormant feelings?"

Exactly!
It oesn't have to be negative feelings either - but we can't help but to reflect (good, bad or indifferent) when everyone else is talking about fathers.

I didn't think much about my own father. He's long gone - and I love him.

I thought more on my daughters' fathers and how lucky I am to have made such a great choice. They aren't superdads or anything but my daughters are awesome - and half of that is owed to their dads.

DamnBougieLandTripping said...

Damn, they shooting up in here today! First of all, I love the picture. Appreciate seeing the positive daddy images. Second, I have to agree. It's a holiday, meant for celebration. You don't have anything to celebrate, the holiday is not for you. What's next - atheist protesting on Christmas day? It's not for so. Don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Andrea M said...

And yet here you are hours later.

Andrea M said...

Sign of the apocalypse when Riley has a valid point.

Andrea M said...

Where have you been Jake?

Andrea M said...

LMAO! What the what?

rickyfontain said...

Of course this is hours after two of my other messages were deleted about five seconds after being posted. Didn't know the comments section was only for comments that reinforce the authors perspective. Carry on. I'll just lurk and let you all get back to patting each other on the back. The road to abilene wound through here.

GinaGene said...

Foxy, I'm real sorry about what your parents did by leaving you. I can't personally relate, because I had both of parents raising me and my sister. But my mom was adopted by her paternal grandparents, and my dad was mostly raised by his paternal grandmother. Their real parents would dip in and out with school clothes and during summer vacations, though in later years they were more involved (My dad's mom has always been involved in my life). Neither my mom nor my dad harbors any negative feelings to their parents for their upbringing. I asked my mom why, because I would feel horrible if my parents passed me on to other relatives while they did their thing. She said she has always been grateful that she had someone to love and care for her, and that at least her parents had the foresight to realize that they could not nurture her or protect her the way a parent should.

I said all that to say, don't feel inadequate or sad about your parents leaving, it has nothing to do with you AT ALL :) Would you rather have lived with them, and they had you around people who would drink/do drugs/harm you? (my mom says this all the time in talking about why she respects her mother's call to give her up). I hope that your experience with your grandparents was good, and that you can appreciate the live they provided for you, and I hope you do become that great mom to you child :)

OneChele said...

You know what? I was trying to be polite and allow you to share your thoughts. It's not that you didn't agree with me but that you decided to use the comments section for your dissertation. And then you decided to call me a fascist. Those are your opinions to own sir. Quite truthfully, if you have this much to say on the topic how about you start your own blog and talk it all out? Thanks for visiting BnB.

Cassie said...

Kudos for best Commenting Name this month ;-)

GrownAzzMan said...

I just don't understand why some feel the need to be joy stealers. It is not just Father's Day. If you are happy about __________ it won't take long before someone, online or off will be quick to tell you why ___________ ain't what you think it is because they at one time had/saw/heard/read/dated/worked at/voted for ___________ and it didn't go good for them. C'mon people. Your experience is your own. Don't try to use that to ruin mine.

GrownAzzMan said...

I just don't understand why some feel the need to be joy stealers. It is not just Father's Day. If you are happy about __________ it won't take long before someone, online or off will be quick to tell you why ___________ ain't what you think it is because they at one time had/saw/heard/read/dated/worked at/voted for ___________ and it didn't go good for them. C'mon people. Your experience is your own. Don't try to use that to ruin mine.

Bdascension said...

I'm not with the father bashing on Father's Day. I had an absent (even after trying to contact him once I reached adulthood) father and an abusive stepfather. Even with all the hurt and pain associated with those circumstances, I had sense enough to refrain from the "rain of FAther's day parade" because those who have should be allowed to celebrate.

maureen palmer said...

Missed daddy-bashing comments on T-land but caught some on article penned by D-wade for Huffingtonpost and I said wuusa. I guess web 2.0 is making some of us a tad bit obnxious or blatant; folks are hiding behind computers, thus they can say just about anything on their mind.

Laurenmariemccall said...

I don't do twitter, but I did catch the Facebook lashings. SMH. My father was not there for me (for the most part), but I had a wonderful grandpa and 5 uncles who were my daddy and raised me. I never really felt I missed out (except when I now see how great of a father he is to my STEPSISTER and two half brothers), but I still called him. I'm 26 now so I have 3 years left to put it behind me ;)

N.L. said...

Long time reader,can't remember if I've commented before. *waves hello*

Many people with horrible upbringings feel it was their fault, or that they are unique. Sharing tales of dysfunction often helps people to realize they arent alone, they weren't wrong for feeling as they did because the treatment was bad. And because of the stigma, and there is a stigma, often there is no other time or place where they can discuss ugly family secrets with people who understand. Kinda like AA. Is Twitter the place for it, probably not.

Sucky baby's daddys. The truth of the matter is there are no guarantees in life. You can't know if a man will be a good father or if he will crack under the strain and be a jerk father or just bail, until you've raised your kids to adulthood. You can do your best to pick a mate who shows promise and is responsible and decent. But the thing is, the only way to gauge the measure of someone untested is to test them, Sometimes they fail the test and it couldnt be predicted.

Childhood trauma ends. But a parent-child relationship is for life. And many people get past the childhood issues but there are still ongoing problems because that parent hasn't ceased to exist or stopped being a fool. If you end the relationship, there is still the issue of the continuing ongoing estrangement and loss of a parent. Its extremely difficult when you get married, have a baby, and do all sorts of things and your parent is absent or present but being a complete fool.

I,btw, chose to use the day to celebrate the good fathers I do know and the brothers, uncles and friends who step in and pick up the slack for those who don't do their parts.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails