Thursday, May 13, 2010

Question for the Ladies: What’s with the game playing?



Continuing Question for the Ladies Week, it appears that there are still some women out there playing games and scotching it up for the straight-shooting sisters. Le Deep Sigh. I'm not going to sit here and say I never played games; I'm going to say it's been awhile. Moving on… The questions on this topic were as follows:
  1. How should men know when a woman is interested?
  2. Why accept a date when you're not interested?
  3. Why string us along if you've already put us in the friend zone?
  4. We get that "no means no" but when everything else you've done all night screams yes – what's with the last minute no?
  5. Why can't women ever say what they really mean?
I really don't want to project this back onto you fellas but from this week's questions and comments – I implore you to start seeking out a better class of female. No that's not all I have to say… let's get it started.
Answer 1 ~ She'll smile at you. She'll approach you. She'll tell you. If she smiles, approaches and tells you – you're all good. Check the various non-verbal signals. Is she happy to see you, takes your phone calls, answers your texts, making an effort to be around you, talk to you, trying to be up in your personal space? She's interested.
Answer 2 ~ Fellas, if this is happening to you, I'm sorry. This means she wasn't sure she was feeling you and decided to "test drive" you or her first choice date fell through and she wanted to go out. Sorry. It's true.
Answer 3 ~ The same reason you put us in the friend zone it's a "Save for Later" place where we can keep an eye on you. According to Chris Rock: A platonic friend to a woman is like “a d*** in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass.” We've talked about the friend zone, if you want out... make a move.
Answer 4 ~ This question is disturbing on a lot of levels. No means no regardless of what we've said and done. I'm going over in my mind what a woman could do that "screams yes" and I've decided I don't want to know. Just expect that the answer is no until it's yes. That way it's a pleasant surprise.
Answer 5 ~ I can't answer this one. I'm a shoot from the hip, card on the table girl. I need a man to understand me so I make it plain and repeat it. If you have a woman who is talking in circles, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but talking ain't one. <~~ Okay, that was flippant. (though a great Jay-Z reference) I've had wine. Let me get ya'll an answer...



I'm going to turn this over to BougieLand:
Fellas – Are you finding that a lot of women play games? If so, what kinds and how do you deal with it?
Ladies – Your take on any (or all) of the five questions above? We still game-playing in 2010?
The floor is yours…

28 comments:

Inkognegro said...

People with and without Y chromosomes lack the ability to express themselves clearly. Near as I can tell about 80% of yall need Heavy duty Communication Classes.

with and without Penises.

baileyqc said...

Great radio show last night! And yes - these questions are craziness. Your answers are exactly what I would've said but I wouldn't have come up with the Jay-Z reference. :)

MeetCharlieL said...

Ladies gameplay when they don't know their own minds or aren't mature enough to directly go after what they want. IMHO. When I see that - I'm out. Somebody else can deal with that nonsense. Life is too short.

Ms. Smart said...

This whole topic is funny. I always raise a brow when men accuse women of playing games. Only when someone doesn't have the upper hand do they accuse the other person of playing games. Plus, men know that if women removed emotion and played the game the SAME way that men do, the men would not win. But if men can get women to stop playing games (translation: stop looking out for their best interest), then the men will be able to do as they please. In other words, games are fine IF the man is winning.

Page Bartlett said...

I can't with the fellas today. I can not.

brownstocking said...

I am very disappointed, and considering I'm at work 2 hours earlier than usual...not a good look.

#2: sometimes well-meaning, though pushy friends and family try spark something, or guilt a woman into accepting a date. When I was younger, I got the "look outside the box" harangue and went out with someone when I was pretty sure my instincts were right. All kinds of fail, but that was the one date.

OR, she was too "nice" to keep refusing you, and thought, "Oh, hell, one date, then it's over forever." I've been that person. If you want to feed me, after I've said no for months (or years, yes that's my life), then, thanks for the meal.

#3 My friend zone is permanent, because I don't think of you that way. I have already analyzed the potential and it wasn't going to outweigh our relationship--if we're real friends. I am not saving you for later; it typically is that men, you think you're saving me for later, or you're married, etc. That's fine, there is no emergency penis option in my mind. But if you're only my friend because of "Save For Later," please be honest and let me know up front, so I can decide. You won't be treated as a friend, you'll be treated as dating potential--and you'd prefer that. If you're my friend, I'll bug you about my relationships, ask you questions about "why do men do X?" and I sure won't care if you see the ratty jeans or my road rage.

#4 don't try to read the signals too hard, it sounds like a lot of men are trying to read INTO signals. It's pretty explicit. Rape is rape. You need consent. For YOUR safety, as well as hers. Assume no until YES is said. I volunteer at an assault crisis line, and I've heard "he said I wanted it, even when I said no" too many times.

And if she is playing a game, she should let you know the rules. Some people have domination fantasies, but you should work that out well before the bedroom. If she's just immature, or still not self-aware or accepting of her sexuality and desire, then you shouldn't be heading toward the bedroom anyway.

#5 I can and do. DO YOU LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU THE TRUTH? Or do you try to spin it in your head? Do you dismiss what I say, because you "know what" I am "really thinking/saying." Because men can be incredibly dismissive/delusional at times. But that's probably the privilege of inherent patriarchy. Do you even check for your privilege?

Ugh, long, and I've had no caffeine, yet.

Just1Dude said...

Women do play games. Men just shouldn't put up with them. Period.

KG said...

*slow clap*

KG said...

Oh really?

WriterChanelle said...

How should men know when a woman is interested?
In this day and age, when we give you our phone number and specifically say, "Call me." Wanting to hear someone's voice means we want to develop a connection with you.

Why accept a date when you're not interested?
Because you might exceed our expectations.

Why string us along if you've already put us in the friend zone?
Because the best lovers/husbands/significant others start as friends.

We get that "no means no" but when everything else you've done all night screams yes – what's with the last minute no?
Because flirting is harmless. Do you know what kind of pressure goes along with actually having sex? If you live streamed the thoughts a woman has leading up to sex, you'd understand the last minute no.

Why can't women ever say what they really mean?
Because you're supposed to know what we're thinking! Lol. Joking. Some of us would like to say what we mean, but men play games too. If we said what we really meant all the time, men couldn't handle it.

datdudeincali said...

The men who sent you in this set of questions need to grow a larger pair. Men - study women. Not in a stalker way but as an observer. All sorts of women from different backgrounds and ages - pay attention to what they say, how they say it and what they do to back those actions up. When that fails you - ask them and keep asking until you process the answer.

Not breaking any man rules here but men play just as many games as women. We just call it strategy. GREAT picture today Chele - perfect.

Peter Parker said...

"I implore you to start seeking out a better class of female."
*furrows his brow*

as many stories as i've heard from women on the blogosphere...this statement can go for any gender.

OneChele said...

Wholeheartedly agree.

Sweet N Tart said...

I would love to get what's underneath some of these questions. Sounds like some of the fellas are going through some thangs.

SBChitownChick said...

Cosigning on all of this right here. Nuff said.

SBChitownChick said...

I would definitely agree that the possession of a penis (or the absence of one) does not guarantee expressiveness or insight.

LikeLena said...

Long and short - you get out of a relationship what you put in. If you are putting in game, you get game back.

Jasmine Girl said...

Best advice for the whole week if you ask me.

FreeBlackMan said...

Yes really. Men only put up with them because they think there's a reward at the end of the game. Which is why some men go straight for the reward, skip the shiggity.

Jason P said...

I find that some women play games with honesty, not sharing the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I find that they sometimes have agendas which are not necessarily out in the open... So I counteract all of that by stating intentions and expectations up front.

WriterChanelle said...

Applause to being open up front - as long as that openness isn't shrouded in your own agenda.

divalive said...

I have a question for the men - What's the difference between "I like a woman with a little mystery" and being honest?

Annette said...

Well said, this is the Pulizer winner right here.......

Annette said...

Well said.

diamond life said...

Great show last night by the way! The panel was on point. You should do one with all men so the women can ask questions live.

Brown Babe said...

Literally LOL considering what the live stream of my own thoughts would sound like!

sunt97 said...

I'm simple, if I call you then I am interested. If I make time for you, then I am interested. If I smile and flirt with you I am interested. If I ignore my girls to talk to you I am interested.
I don't accept dates with people I am not feeling, at least I haven't yet. I guess some people just like the idea of going out and that is all that is important to them.
How many dudes string you along as the "friend" and then you try to get some later, figures.
She may be screaming yes with a red sign over her head but in the end if she puts on the brakes wen you are butt naked crawling into bed, then the answer is no and you are going to have to check your ego and get over it.
Women do say what they mean, men just don't listen.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

WriterChanelle said...

Exactly! Men don't understand what it takes for (some) women to make that decision. Should we not flirt at all? Maybe. Should men understand? I think so.

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