Monday, May 24, 2010

Life after the white dress…

Hey BougieLand! This week will all be "shorts": brief posts with random observations because it's deadline time for OneChele again.

So this weekend for reasons not entirely clear to me, I found myself watching a lot (a whole lot) of wedding shows: Girl meets Gown, Cake Bosses, Say Yes to the Dress, My Fair Wedding, Platinum Weddings and I tried to watch a Bridezillas but I couldn't get through that foolishness. I would have hauled off and backed slapped somebody.

It occurred to me in the midst of all this happiness and glee that this may be part of the problem. Are people too focused on the wedding and not worried about what comes after?

Kind of reminded me of the first Sex in the City movie where Carrie got so giddy and wrapped up in creating the perfect wedding day that she completely missed the signs that her relationship was on the skids. (BTW, Sex in the City 2 looks like it's doing too much, but we'll see.)

There are so many best chef, best designer, home makeover shows – would anyone else like to see a "Makeover my Marriage" show? You know they have that show Bang for your Buck to see who gets the most money back in equity for their home renovations? What about a show measuring return on investment from wedding to marriage? Now that would be interesting.

Just wondered if anyone else had this same thought about all the swirl over the wedding instead of the marriage? I was actually offended when I watched a Platinum Weddings where the couple spent $450,000 on the flowers alone… gimme a break with that. Any ideas of why there is so much wedding stuff on television lately?

25 comments:

Inkognegro said...

Any ideas of why there is so much wedding stuff on television lately?

Because People watch.

There is an enduring fascination with weddings that encourages gawkers (no-website-o)

Success ensures imitators.


I got a night's tips BET's wedding reality show is in development.

sunt97 said...

They do these wedding shows to make people go in debt wanting what thet see on tv. And it's sad to say that most marriages are probably starting for with huge debt because we are trying to create a memorable wedding day. If folks invested as much time and effort into their marriage as they did the wedding day maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. I like watching the shows trying to figure how to do the stuff cheaper, but it is sickening to watch people pay large sums of money for silly things, but if you got the money spend it, but put that same care into the marriage when the honeymoon is over.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

RavensLady said...

Chele, these shows are on all year long, they are getting ready for a new season but they are always on. re-runs upon re-runs, marathons, etc., but they are on everyday. Whether it be about cakes or dresses or over-the-top weddings...WE tv & TLC stay wedding focused.

Carey Jackson said...

My sister spent $12k on a dress, $10k on the honeymoon and I can only assume over $200k on her wedding. Took her two years to plan the wedding, the marriage was over in 2 years so yeah - no bang for the buck there. She should be a cautionary tale.

I Am Me said...

I see all that overboard marriage stuff and run the other direction. I'd rather put that money into a house, a 401k, a business.

HauteLikeMe said...

Speaking of WE, Bravo, Oxygen: What's with the families with the 22 kids? 6, 12, 19 - GTFOH. Why are we celebrating that nonsense?

BlackestBerry said...

This is a problem - there is SO much focus on the wedding that the marriage takes a back seat and the next thing you know - you're in it.

LikeLena said...

This is one of the things that killed my engagement. I had such a mindset about just getting the ring. Once I got the ring it wa all about building the perfect day. It wasn't until I took a second to look around I realized that he wasn't the guy I wanted the ring from in the first place. Sometimes we get caught up in the Cinderella of it all.

StillMadAboutIt said...

My wife and I spent $96,000 on our wedding :-/ We started with a budget of $20k and it just kept spiralling. If I had it to do over again, I would have grabbed her and our parents and hit the beach in Jamaica - done.

RavensLady said...

Lawd...I'd be stillmadaboutit too!

bbwaite said...

My marriage was old school. We had 12 weeks of mandatory counseling in advance, we were engaged for a full eighteen months. My grandmother made my dress and the reception was in the basement of the church.

FreeBlackMan said...

Son, you were hoodwinked, hornswaggled and held captive. Let me say this... my divorce cost more than my wedding. Only one of them was worth the money spent.

AppleBerryMIA said...

$96K?!!? oh hell no. Now I'm dying to know what you spent on the ring? (all up in your biz)

OneChele said...

Bite your tongue. I don't even want to ponder the buffoonery of a BET wedding show... "Pookie and Baby Gurl's Broom Jump" - no sir...

baileyqc said...

Ha! You know it's coming: Toya Ties the Knot.

Veronica said...

Much to the dismay of my fairy-tale loving friends (not that I don't love a good fairy tale), I never was one of those girls to gush about her dream wedding. Most because of two things: 1) I'm indecisive as hell (one day I'm thinking beach, the next day I'm thinking Howard U's chapel), and 2) weddings are EXPENSIVE AS HELL. I still can't wrap my head around spending that kind of money and stressing myself so EVERYONE ELSE can eat and drink.

I've always been more interested in the marriage part. What makes a good partnership? My parents are something of a good baseline reference, but are by no means perfect. So I've spent the better part of my 20s reading, researching, and talking to people about making their RELATIONSHIPS work. Because as far as either a wedding or marriage is concerned, I plan on getting on that ride only one time. Gotta make it count.

missmajestic said...

Nowadays marriage is an option for more people than it has been historically. A couple can maintain a long-term relationship, even have kids without really being ostracized. Or people can get by with a series of jump offs and side pieces. So marriages and knowing that many people who are married is rare for some people. So I think people find marriages and the illusion of a fairytale attractive. We like to watch pretty, shiny, dramatic stuff on TV. I know I do. And just because I been planning my wedding since I was 13 don't mean my marriage won't be fulfilling or successful. It would be interesting to see after 7 years or 15 or 30 years how many people are still together after a very elaborate or simple (to nonexistant justice of the peace type) wedding. I bet there is no correlation. But we hate to see all that money and planning wasted on people who couldn't stay together. We live in a society that tells us we can have what we want and if it doesn't work out you can always bounce for something better. Some couples just want a show, for real. But then again some people just have a quickie wedding because they know they aren't serious about it. I would like to see wedding planners couple up with licensed counselors to offer premarital counseling to couples. Throw some counseling in that package. Nowadays many people aren't affiliated with a house of worship. And all religious leaders aren't trained to offer real counseling. I don't see anything wrong with folk spending money on a wedding as long as they don't go into debt. But I do have a problem with folk spending loads of money and their stuff still looks tacky. So sometimes I watch those shows to laugh

Anna N. said...

Shoot, I think it's all nonsense. But I never had a "wedding fantasy" when I was a kid either. My Barbie had a job (McDonald's), a Corvette, a pool and a faaabulous closet and haircut....but no wedding plans, lol. I actually feel kinda sorry for the folks who are so emotionally tied to the "big wedding" concept - mostly because I think the cost of the wedding has an inverse relationship to the quality of the marriage. One of my girls is having a $50K wedding, and has cheated on her fiance 2x before the nuptials next winter. smh! What happened to the handmade wedding dress, some family member's back yard and just a good ole time?Personally I was thinking of something small for my fiance and I, but "something" came up and I think we may be doing the justice of the peace.

Now if you want to talk about unrealistic...ask me how Barbie could afford a huge house, Corvette and pool on a McDonald's salary.

Annette said...

I have found that a "dream wedding" is merely that; a dream. In this economy a couple is better off saving all the money they are going to spend on a big lavish wedding on a good retirement plan. That is how you stay together. Cause forever includes the good but also the debt if you are not careful........

baileyqc said...

LOL - the same way we were going to make a meal in that EZ Bake oven with the light bulb!

tiffanyinhouston said...

I read these comments with some interest as I am currently in the midst of planning my own wedding. It seems like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't in terms of judgment about weddings. I certainly think it's ridiculous to go into massive debt for day however I don't think anyone should be faulted for wanting to have a nice party surrounded by friends and family. There are ways to do it, at reasonable cost without selling off your firstborn and giving away a couple of limbs. I could have gone to the JOP, but I didn't want to. That might work for some folk but not for me and mine. And folks are right, as a society we have gotten away from the basic tenets and values of marriage but there are folks out there who are trying and want to make marriage work for them.

Shanell said...

Unfortunately some folks just get it twisted. The wedding is important as is the ring and all the other stuff, the key is who is it important to? Once I became engaged my family went into overdrive. They were all convinced I would be 50 and not married. The fact I was 30 when it all came together was just how the cards fell for me. I wasn't as stressed as they were about my possible "old maid" status. Immediately my sister had me signed up for wedding expos and subscribed to Bride magazine. My mother was pulling out names of aunts I didn't remember and no one wanted to talk budget. I had to shut it all down and let them know the wedding is ONE day. The goal is for the marriage to last a lifetime. Going for broke to impress family and friends is not a good look I don't care what your budget is or what you've always dreamed about. While I'm wasn't going to do a fish fry, I refused to get caught up. We spent about $15000 for it all (not including honeymoon) and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. My very good friend did it up with $50 per plate meals, and a 200 person guest list. After six years of marriage they are still digging out of that financial hole. Yes I may have disappointed a few folks, but in the end I'm glad I took control of the "wedding madness" and made the day what it should have been... full of love and beauty, not fake flossin' and debt. Once the wedding is over your going to wake up beside a person you've committed a lifetime to. Are they still what you thought they were and if not was it all worth it?

rikyrah said...

Platinum Weddings is a guilty pleasure. I enjoy watching them, especially with the Indian weddings - THEY know how to party!

I don't watch any of those other shows.

Platinum Weddings has convinced me that if I get married, it's going to be at City Hall, and I'll have a nice honeymoon.

YardieChicie said...

Amen. In the end, a wedding is just a party. A splashy wedding in no way dictates the length and strength of a marriage. Look at how many celebrities had million dollar weddings and million dollar divorces a short time later.

YardieChicie said...

I'm an eloping type of girl. :D I already told my mother and she couldn't care less. I think I got the 'weddings are a money pit' trait from her! XD

Plus, I've never imagined my own wedding as a girl, the way some brides on TV have professed. I've married off my teddy bears, my puppies (that was rather incestuous of me, now that I think about it) and had mock marriages with friends but that has been the extent of it.

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